Gossip Girl: Serena/Blair
Title: Stolen Hearts
Fandom: Gossip Girl
Pairing: Serena/Blair more or less.
Rating: PG - minor curse words.
Disclaimer: Really? Of course they’re mine. I wish.
Summary: You don’t steal Blair Waldorf’s heart, you ask for it.
A/N I: It’s more a character introspection and analysis than actual plot. And it’s long.
A/N II: I swear to god they would not leave me alone. I went to bed at 3 and didn’t get to sleep until 5:30 because at that moment in time, a Waldsen fic wanted to write itself. So forgive me if this has major suckage. I’m sleep deprived. Also, this is the first time I’ve posted for anything…ever. So if you don’t mind, try not to rip me to shreds. Any fault you see will be mine.
All Blair Waldorf ever wanted was to get her heart stolen. To discover after looking around that it’s nowhere to be found. But then one turn and you find the smiling culprit holding your precious heart in their hands, willing civilization to crumble, the sky to confirm the theory of gravity, and for hell to get affected with global warming and freeze over before they ever think of dropping and breaking it, breaking her. This is New York of all places, damn it. Every yellow brick road leads here. Surely her request is manageable. In a city of millions, she could barely catch one worth holding onto. Her faith in humanity was sinking faster than the Titanic.
It was a bright Saturday morning, a stark contrast to Blair’s current disposition. She grimaced at her reflection angrily brushing her teeth. Today, she was sure, she truly did wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Having stepped on a heel that elicited a tirade of profanity that would make Eleanor Waldorf’s cheeks tint darker than last spring’s pink was proof enough.
She looked at herself in the bathroom mirror without the makeup and the jewelry and the designer clothes. She scowled and glared at herself, challenging it to whimper and scurry away. It only stared back at her.
No wonder no one wants to be with you, you look like shit in the morning, she thought, disgusted with herself. The small throb on the sole of her left foot did not help. Decidedly, donning a scowl would be for the best as she glared at herself one more time before she sat in front of her vanity, ready for her transformation.
After a restless sleep with heartbreaking boys wreaking havoc in her dreams, all Blair wanted to accomplish for the day was get lost in a squealing shopping spree with her best friend, Serena van der Woodsen. Serena was the one person that has been with her through everything, from kindergarten cooties to…high school cooties and melodramatic scenes from her parents that rivaled daytime soaps. Blair had been at the mercy of this one person, causing chaos and disorientation in her upscale world. But she had also been part of some of the greatest memories and fulfilling times with the blonde, knowing a small smile from her friend could easily erase weeks of tears.
Without much thought or effort, she pressed down on the 2 button and waited, giving herself a once over in the mirror, twirling about to make sure she had achieved perfection. She smiled.
“Hey, B,” the girl on the other line said distractedly.
“Come shop with me today.”
“Can’t.” Blair’s brows met together upon hearing her best friend’s negative response. It only existed in a heartbeat, but any form of rejection from Serena ebbed painfully inside. Any boy could reject her, for all she cared, but a rejection from her best friend would be catastrophic to her health.
“What?”
“Spring cleaning,” Serena said with a huff quickly tailing her words, sounding like she just released something heavy from her grasp. Blair, meanwhile, momentarily checked her calendar confirming that it was, indeed, not spring.
“Wrong season, S.” The blonde only chuckled.
“Figure of speech, Blair. I have some stuff I want to give away and clear out. They’re doing this yard sale drive type of thing downtown, I thought I’d give a hand. You’re more than welcome to join me instead of go shopping.”
“Okay, one, what were you doing in downtown? Two, there’re no yards anywhere within a hundred mile radius of the city. And three, I think I’ll pass. There’s a reason Dorota gets paid well.” Serena could only roll her eyes.
“Suit yourself. I’m sure you can keep busy for a couple of hours.”
“But S, it’s such a glorious Saturday. Mother Nature isn’t that giving when it comes to New York weather, you know.”
“I know.” A small pause filled their conversation as Serena let out a small grunt heaving what a treasure chest. Blair shook her head in slight disbelief.
“Okay, I’ll let you do your good deed for the day. I’ll probably end up stopping by later, but don’t expect me to carry boxes of your hand me downs.”
Serena laughed sweetly and Blair’s donned scowl temporarily disappeared.
“Great. I’ll see you later then. Love you,” she said.
“Yeah, yeah. Love you, too.” The brunette flipped her phone shut and threw it on the bed. Their affectionate proclamation was Serena’s idea. They never really spoke the words to one another because they knew it already. But after Serena’s return, it became some form of renewal to their friendship. It felt odd and almost awkward in the beginning, but it quickly grew into a common part of their conversation, like skipping the formalities of hellos and jumping right to the intended conversation. Otherwise, you just didn’t reach speed dial status.
Growling in frustration from lack of plans, (read: no firm control on things happening for the day) she looked around the room and headed downstairs. She’ll figure it out. And if not, good thing she wore that scowl so early in the morning.
- - - - -
Blair found herself sitting lazily on one of Central Park’s benches. She tried the shopping, but it did not perk her right up and her scowl only deepened. It was such a beautiful day out, a snag of fresh air from the scorching heat wave the Northeast was being plagued with. But she just couldn’t appreciate it. Of course something like this would happen to her. It always did. Nothing always went right when it came to Blair. She tried and continues to try hard in everything, yet she comes up short of fully appreciating it. She can’t even match the weather today. Life sometimes steals Blair’s fresh air, leaving her panic stricken, gasping like a pathetic fish out of water. It wasn’t fair.
Giving relaxation another try (because the scowl implanted on her face really showed progress the first time around), Blair tried not to think and just people watch. It was going well for a while until her eyes landed on a couple having a picnic several yards away. She wanted to gag. Or rather, she wanted to gag the guy with the spoon the girl was feeding him with.
Really? I can’t even enjoy my day without people going lovesick crazy around here! The brunette turned her entire body the other direction, folding her arms to her chest with a small growl emitting from her throat. Damn them all.
Her threatening words slowly turned into thoughts of the mess she called her life. She tried to stop it, but her futile efforts on doing so only fueled the speed and depth of her introspection.
All she wanted was a happy ending. But she couldn’t have that. That was too easy. Hell, she couldn’t even get a happy beginning. She didn’t even want all the money and the clothes, she just wanted someone to love her more than she ever thought she deserved, to care for her like she was the only one in the world, to help her find herself. It wasn’t exactly an original request, it was what anybody wanted. But with Blair’s luck, having been in relationships who failed to grasp those simple concepts; where she, herself, failed, she just knew that it would take her far longer than her contemporaries.
She wanted Nate to steal her heart away ever since she could remember. It was the fairytale thing to do. A fairytale story perfected exclusively for her ever since she was old enough to date. She wanted him to whisk her away from her feet and hold her in his strong arms, giving her his most charming smile. They were practically arranged to be betrothed, but he just had to fuck it up down the porcelain drain. He had to ruin what could perfectly have been the next Beckham and Victoria power couple. His meandering ways, not only in fidelity, but his priorities, ultimately pushed Blair farther down the Mercedes. It wasn’t just the back seat, it was to the trunk, like an afterthought, easily forgotten.
Not one to quit, Blair even tried to salvage what they once had, attempting to put back what shattered into irreparability. She had long ago broken her heart into pieces for him to find and discover for himself. All he had to do was put them together like a giant puzzle to show her his valiant efforts of love. She wanted to share her life with him, for him to hold her heart in his hands and for her to accept his in hers.
Blair frowned with saddened eyes as she shifted her body on the Central Park bench so she could hug her legs. She had lost so much in Nate - the certainty of a future, a trust in a friend, some form of stability, and years of her adolescence. She sighed through her lipsticked lips and gazed around the park. No reason to cry over spilled champagne, after all. You just had to get a new bottle.
Swirling down further to Blair’s unhappiness, she grimaced unappreciatively at her own efforts in transferring her feelings to Chuck Bass. It was a momentary lapse of judgment that she would begrudgingly have to hold inside for the rest of her life. What she saw in him was nothing but a hallucination of hope. He was convenient and he was available. But even through her fogged vision lay an inkling coming from within that maybe, even if he was Chuck Bass (difficult to box in ordinary adjectives like asshole, perverted, manipulative, judgmental), he would be able to do what Nate successfully failed in doing, stealing her heart. She knew it was crazy and that Chuck was not out to do anyone favors save himself, but with a strong, painful tug in her chest, she had to at least give it a drunken try. So she did. Surprising no one, he did no such thing. Rather, he found himself stomping on her already broken feelings, using it for his gain. She shouldn’t have been shocked to see that Chuck wasn’t on a galloping steed for her rescue. Instead, she saw him ride a limping ass past her.
Even James Stepford, her 8th grade fling when she and Nate were on one of their multiple breaks, couldn’t give her what it was she wanted and needed in her life. His pubescent ways did not really do him any favors until later on in life, with the maturity and romance department still heavily lacking to this day. At one point, she tried to give it to her own father, knowing that he loved her infinitely. Except it wasn’t the same because his father could not protect her across the Atlantic. He wouldn’t understand and she wouldn’t know how to explain it.
There was no knight, just an empty shell of silver armor.
Sitting quietly in the park, hunched over hugging her knees, Blair discovered that every boy around her failed her miserably; she failed herself. This revelation quickly wrote itself down on her long list of insecurities that only deepened her self-hatred and feed the impossibility of finding someone that could help mend her, help care for her, help love her.
Drunk in an emotionally draining stupor, Blair wiped stray tears from her face and stretched. This was enough. For now. She didn’t want to worry about how much her life was doomed to fail repeatedly. Instead, she wanted to embrace the beautiful day with the one person that could help her smile without ever uttering a word. Serena.
Giving an eye roll to the lovesick couple with their picnic, Blair straightened herself before walking in the direction towards her best friend’s home while the scowl slowly transformed into a smile.
- - - - -
The brunette heard the words “I’ll get it” muffled behind the door. She plastered a polite smile before the big wooden slab in front of her gave way to Eric greeting her.
“Hey, Blair,” he said with a smile, pulling the door back. “Serena’s in her room, still doing her charity work.” He laughed over his shoulder while he made his way back to the living area to resume watching some reality trash on MTV.
“All right, I’ll talk some sense into her,” she said only to be greeted with more laughter. She made her way to Serena’s room with the door slightly ajar, hearing muffled grunts. She pushed the door wide open to witness her best friend attempting to pull a treasure chest from her luxurious closet. “What in the hell is that, S?”
The voice startled the blonde and she jumped, tripping back over some boxes, falling on her back with a soft thud. Blair could only yell in shock.
“I’m okay. I’m okay.”
“Sorry I scared you. But seriously, what is that and what are you doing?”
Serena hoisted herself up from the floor and sat on the chest facing Blair sitting on her bed.
“Well, I was gonna give the clothes away, but then I found all these other boxes and I wanted to see what was in all of them.”
“And what have you found? More useless junk? You know, it’s not nice to give away ugly stuff,” she said, smirking. Serena fought the urge to roll her eyes.
“No. There’s a lot of stuff here from when we were kids. Who knew I was such a pack rat?” Serena opened the treasure chest while the brunette looked on from the bed. There were costume pieces that weaved its way through all sorts of knick knacks. There were a lot to look at, but it seemed Serena was looking for something in particular. She rummaged through things until she found an old Jimmy Choos shoe box.
“Aha!” she said triumphantly.
“What?”
“This. I’ve been looking all over for this.”
“Jimmy Choos? Didn’t you get some last week?”
Serena sighed and held the shoe box before nudging Blair to give her more room. They sat Indian style with the box in front of them. Serena carefully pulled the lid to find random sets of photographs and pieces of paper. The blonde picked up some of the photos and began recapturing the memories from the corners of her mind. Meanwhile, Blair slowly took hold of two red cutout hearts. She looked at it with confusion, trying to remember where they came from until it hit her instantaneously, clearly. It was an untainted memory, before the booze, the boys, and the unhappiness that almost felt like second skin.
~~~~~
A seven year old Serena entered Blair’s room, finding her lying on the floor, stomach down, slowly flailing her feet in the air as she colored. Serena mirrored the brunette’s position on the carpet.
“What are you doing?”
“Coloring a heart.”
“Why?”
“So I can give it away.”
“Why?”
“Because that’s what people who love other people do.”
“Why?”
Blair paused her intense coloring session to look at her friend. She rolled her eyes and sat up.
“Because they just do. Daddy gave a card to Mom this morning for no reason. This is just an ‘in-case’ thing. So I’m prepared.”
“Oh.” Before Blair saw Serena’s reaction, she had gone back to her original position trying to finish her coloring. Her blonde friend only looked on curiously.
“Why don’t you just get a red construction paper and cut it out?” Serena asked.
“Because it won’t be a labor of love. That’s what Daddy says. It has to be a labor of love, with a lot of work put into it and stuff. That’s the only time it’ll really count.” Serena only nodded, digesting whatever information she was just fed.
“Done!” she proclaimed, holding the neatly cut out paper in front of Serena for her friend to be amazed. It seemed to have worked because Serena looked on, almost awed. Blair placed it down on the floor before cleaning up after herself, feeling accomplished. The blonde picked it up off the carpet and held onto it tightly. The glint her cobalt eyes proved she wanted it.
“Who are you gonna give it to?”
“I don’t know yet. I have to find someone I love that isn’t Mom or Daddy.”Serena took this as an opportunity to seize.
“Hey, Blair.”
“Yeah?”
“Do you love me?” The little brunette paused for a moment.
“Yeah, I think so.”Serena’s smile reached her eyes, confidence soaring.
“So can I have it?”
“What?”
“Can I have your heart?”
“Why?”
“Because it’s really pretty. And I don’t know, I just want to keep it. You said it’s for someone that you loved. Well, you love me. We’re best friends. Please?”
Seven year old Blair pursed her lips in thought. Her friend’s argument was strong. It was pretty and she did love Serena. There really was no reason not to give it to her. The pleading look in her friend said that she couldn’t really argue with it, anyway.
“Oh, okay, fine. But you have to take real good care of it. Put it somewhere where it won’t get smudged or torn. It took me a long time to color and cut that just perfectly. If I find that you messed with it, I’ll cut all of your Barbie’s hair.”
Delighted, Serena held the heart firmly as she gave her best friend a hug, rejoicing at her new found treasure, disregarding the threat her best friend served.
~~~~~
“Blair,” she heard someone say. She looked at the paper heart before looking at her friend’s concerned face. “You all right?” She blinked a couple of times before finding words vocalize in her mouth.
“Uh, yeah. I was just trying to remember about these paper hearts.” A smile crept on Serena’s face taking hold of Blair’s paper heart.
“Oh yeah. I remember those. We were eight or nine or something-”
“Seven. We were seven.”
“Right,” Serena agreed. “Anyway, you were coloring this piece of paper, even though I thought it was a lot easier if you just cut out a red construction paper. But you were pretty adamant that it becomes this giant labor of love or it won’t matter at all. Then you told me to take good care of it because you were threatening to cut my Barbie’s hair off. That’s why I kept it in this box, so it wouldn’t break. And look, it’s preserved in its original state - your heart, kept and cared for, thanks to the protective walls of a Jimmy Choos box.” Serena placed Blair’s paper heart on the crook of her folded legs as she rummaged through the rest of the box’s contents. The brunette only looked on. After a small companionable silence, Blair spoke.
“How do you know that one’s mine?” she asked, pointing at the paper on Serena’s leg. “How do you know that this,” she said holding the other paper up as evidence, “isn’t mine?” Her question was met with a small chuckle as she placed her arm around her best friend.
“Because, B, I’d know your heart anywhere.”
The brunette straightened up, eyes widening as she took in what her best friend said.
I’d know your heart anywhere.
Serena looked unfazed by Blair’s sudden jerk as she continued to explain herself. “This is mine,” she said pointing to the one in Blair’s hand. “After I came home from your house, I thought it was unfair that I didn’t give you anything, so I worked on offering you mine. I wasn’t a crafty or artistic seven-year-old, so I’m surprised my mom actually let me hold scissors. Besides, no seven year old colors and cuts like that except you.”
Serena’s paper heart was big and asymmetrical, to say the least. The right cheek was lopsidedly bigger than the left one. Red crayon streaks covered certain patches, but left little glimpse of the white background. It was elementary work at its very best compared to Blair’s near-perfect creation.
The brunette stayed on the bed eyes fixed on Serena’s lopsided paper heart while Serena stood from the bed and stuck Blair’s heart by her mirror. It sparked the lively color that the white vanity and walls lacked, pulling for attention almost immediately. What should have dawned on her long ago finally made its presence now. It was a frightening, yet liberating epiphany and she couldn’t help but stare.
No wonder Blair’s wish could not be granted. No wonder all the boys in her life could not steal her heart away. They all lost it to a woman before they even had a chance…to Serena. No wonder that even through her countless breakups and makeups with Nate, her most memorable moments didn’t come from his apologies or promises but from Serena hugging her close through the laughter and hugging her closer through the tears. No wonder she felt empty when around Chuck, he didn’t fill her with happiness and contentment like Serena did. No wonder she missed Serena more even though they lived in the same city than she sometimes did with her father. She became the stability and comfort that he couldn’t be. No wonder Blair always felt secure with Serena-she wasn’t handled with rough, calloused hands or deep, scratchy voices. Rather, soft palms rubbed her back as loving arms held her in place when all she wanted to do was run. A soothing voice echoed in her ears reassuring her with optimism. No wonder that nobody has been able to reach Blair the way Serena has, she had the one thing that they didn’t. No wonder.
“Blair?” she heard. “Blair…” Blinking back to reality, she looked at her best friend sitting in front of her, pushing away the box. “Are you all right?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. I was just…thinking.”
“About what?”
“You asked for my heart. You didn’t steal it or anything,” she whispered. Serena tilted her head, trying to figure out where she was coming from. “I mean…you asked, all these years ago for my heart. You had it this entire time!”
“Blair, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said while carefully stroking the brunette’s forearm. It always soothed her and now seemed like the time to get her calm.
“When we were seven, before all the stuff that’s happened. You asked for it and you kept it safe all this time.” Feeling like she knew what her friend was talking about, Serena took a firm hold of Blair’s empty hand.
“Are you talking about your heart?” Blair nodded weakly. “No one gets to steal your heart, Blair. Someone has to ask. Something that precious, that fragile, that loving can’t just get snagged away like some accessory off a sales rack. Someone has to ask you for it so you’d get to see if they’re worthy enough to have it. Even I had to ask, remember? Because I couldn’t just take it away from you. I wanted your permission. I wanted to know if I was good enough for you.” The taller woman let the heart flutter down to the mattress as she held her best friend’s hand. “Here we are, over a decade later and your heart is in pristine condition. Just how it’s supposed to be.”
The blonde’s declaration alluded to more than a flimsy, decade old scrap.
Serena’s face had gotten extremely close to Blair’s; mere inches away were their parted lips from one another, the brunette’s eyes already fluttered closed. Darting her tongue to wet her dry lips, the taller woman took the initiative and kissed her best friend softly. After a few moments, they broke apart, eyes opening to see each other for what they truly are to one another, keeper of each other’s hearts.
“You stole a kiss,” Blair finally said ever so softly, her hands still firmly held in Serena’s. The taller woman smiled.
“Well,” she said, letting Blair go, standing up and moving boxes away to clear her path. “Those are okay. It’s actually enforced that you steal as many of those as you want.”
Blair laughed genuinely, something she had not been able to do in quite some time. Serena beamed. The shorter woman stayed still on the bed, and looked down in her hands where she carried the blonde’s imperfectly perfect heart. Her own fragile heart had been taken care of for over a decade. She silently vowed to do the same. It was the only fair thing she knew to do.
The taller woman looked at her with a smile on her face. “Are you gonna keep that?” she asked, her eyes directed at the paper heart. Blair could only chuckle in return.
“Definitely.”
Thanks for Reading.