Dear Wu Yifan
Title: Dear Wu Yifan
Pairing: Lay/Kris
Rating: PG
Genre: Angst (i tried)
Length: 879
Summary: Yixing has had enough of being forgotten.
Dear Wu Yifan
There are a lot of things about you that are different from me. You are a model; I am a musician. You are successful; I am a nobody. You are wealthy; I am ordinary. You live in a mansion; I live in a tiny apartment.
However, there are things that we do have in common. We are both born in 1991; we both just turned 24. We are both men. Both of us are studying art in college (without graduating). We both have a hard time expressing our feelings. We are both interested in men.
That is why I was so surprised when on Tuesday night, the interviewer asked you about any current relationships and you replied:
- No matter how much I dream of having a relationship, I haven’t found the right person yet. I meet a lot of people every day and I believe that I will find the right one the moment I see that person.
What an interesting answer. Because if I remember it correctly, you told me just two weeks ago that if the question about love would be brought up, you’d confess. I didn’t expect you to go the whole way, I know you wouldn’t. However, now the news is already exposed because we weren’t careful enough to hide it.
So I am asking you, Wu Yifan, let us borrow each other’s bodies, so that I will know how it feels to be someone so powerful in the industry, someone who's so loved for just smiling to the camera. So that you can feel what it's like to be this helpless in front of the person you love with all your heart, and to be forced to hide it from the world. So that you can feel how it is to see your beloved boyfriend on every magazine cover and in every commercial, and see all the teenagers talk about you everywhere. Of course this is what I agreed to, dating a famous model. Let’s just do it.
To be 17 and forced to go on a blind date, only to find this tall gorgeous man with long slim legs in front of us. We shake hands and introduce ourselves. “Zhang Yixing” we say and sit down, hands sweaty. Is this what they call love at first sight? All these thoughts in our head.
Two hours later we've gotten the boy's number and we walk home feeling proud. Maybe love isn’t that bad.
To be 18 and go from dating to being boyfriends. To be 18 and see our boyfriend grow popular as a model, coming home late and leaving before we wake up for school.
To be 19 and see our boyfriend in an interview on national TV when that question, the most feared of them all, comes. Have you ever fallen in love? Maybe out of fear he answers no, because he’s still fresh meat in this world. We try to hide the pain and convince ourselves that maybe it was just out of fear of being exposed.
To be forgotten on our 20th birthday because Hey, you know, work is important. We want to reply that so is our birthday, but we keep it inside of us because it's no use. Attending galas and award shows with your famous model boyfriend and being introduced as merely a friend. Not even a close friend. We once again hide our pain and try to convince ourselves that it’s just fear. However, reality is starting to creep up on us.
At the age of 23 it hits us. Maybe we are not worth living like this. To be kept hidden from reality because our life partner is embarrassed and scared. Is this really what we wanted?
This is where you fight back and say: how hard is it to understand that this isn’t what I wanted you to feel. But what if it’s too late? What if what you wanted was not what you thought it was?
And you say: how was I supposed to understand how you felt when you didn’t tell me? And you look down on your feet in shame, in realization what you’ve made me go through. That’s right: shame. Now, Wu Yifan, you try to leave our body, but it’s not over yet. You feel that it is enough; your eyes have been opened to the reality you have ignored. While our ending was sad; tragic; realistic, maybe, somewhere in this city and all across the world, people are pretend and lie in order to not expose their true natures. I hope you learn from this, for your future relationships, whether they're with a female or a male.
You can leave now.
-
Yixing reads through his letter, published in this morning's newspaper. He smiles at the outcome and grabs his suitcase. He puts the newspaper on the counter where he knows Yifan will see it, even though he is completely aware that the other has already read the letter. Right now, he's probably in a meeting with his hundreds of managers and what else important people he has around him.
After five years of living here with the love of his life, Yixing turns to leave the mansion for the last time. Guess this is goodbye, he says.
i wrote this in midst of studying for my uni exams /___\ thanks to chanbyeol who beta-ed it for me ♥