Synthetic Music (More Than Your Heart Can Take)
TITLE: Synthetic Music (More Than Your Heart Can Take)
PAIRING: NEWS/NEWS (aka, too many to bother listing)
RATING: R
WORD COUNT: 6,940
SUMMARY: Shige sees something he wants, but societal standards tell him he shouldn't.
NOTES: Concept from Aldous Huxley's Brave New World. Also, this is totally for sanjihan and bananyphophany and that talk we had in the JE Author Meme about TegoShige. Also, the order of the social hierarchy goes, from high to low, in the order of vowels following the Japanese alphabet: a, i, u, e, o.
Hug me till you drug me, honey;
Kiss me till I'm in a coma:
Hug me, honey, snuggle bunny;
Love's as good as soma Drops
- Aldous Huxley (strike added)
Massu doesn't drink, and he doesn't eat anything that doesn't pass his personal threshold of healthiness. He nibbles on edamame and a salad, while Shige sips a vodka martini and watches the fresh-faced lounge singer out of the corner of his eye. Massu thinks he might be interested in the singer, but it's a moot point. He thinks maybe Shige is lonely, and under the table, he scratches his fingernails lightly over Shige's thigh.
-
Massu kisses up Shige's spine while the other lays prostrate on the bed, face half-smushed into the pillow.
"You're so distracted."
Shige mumbles something in reply and rolls over, tucking his head under Massu's chin.
-
The world is whole, with no wars or racial distinctions. The cities are magnificent and a wonder to behold, with their theaters, museums and, of course, the seats of the regional viceroy and their ensuing bureaucracy. Any person of worth lives in one of the cities, while the lowly O's and some E's labor out in the wilds of the world, farming and mining so the A's, I's and U's can continue their more comfortable lifestyles. The government provides everything the people need - food, shelter, clothing, education (though only the A's and I's are given a proper formal education), leisure (in the form of sports and Drops and sex) and security. And all that is required of them is unwavering loyalty to the Law of Castes, developed and put into practice by men considered at the level of gods many years before.
The Law of Castes is the all-important governing law of the land.
Humans are inherently illogical and irrational, which is why science and order must be imposed upon them. It's for their own good. Regulating the population through Life Halls ensures that there is no under-population, and no over-population, and it makes sure that there's never too many laborers or bureaucrats in the population for trouble and instability to brew up. And, it means that traditional families are no more; familial loyalty is strong in any person, and with that gone, the government fills the role, receiving that loyalty instead.
The A's rule the others, through bureaucracy, law, science and health, performing the most complicated of jobs. They are the highest of the castes and the least numerous; and almost jokingly referred to as 'The Chosen'. I's are just below them - librarians, musicians and nurses - working in slightly less complicated professions, but still difficult and requiring formal education. U's are teachers (in primary and secondary education) and chefs, and things like that. In cities, they are generally the lowest caste, considering that the E's and O's are largely elsewhere.
E's and O's are physical laborers. The former as electricians and plumbers, requiring more training and apprenticeship, and the latter as little more than living hammers and screwdrivers and truck drivers, and are the most populous of the castes, carefully indoctrinated from the moment of their 'birth' to love nothing but the viceroys and the Father-President.
There is the sixth caste, below even the O's, but no one dares speak of these people. They live out in the wastes, ignoring their birth-right castes, running from society and everything that is good and wholesome to the rest of the world. They are the N's, the outcast non-people.
-
Ryo misses his best friend.
He stands in the kitchen, piping frosting onto petit fours and searing creme brulees out of sight of the high class costumers of the lounge. He can hear Tegoshi singing if he listens closely, and wishes again, like he has so many times, that the Sighters in the Life Hall had decided to make him a musician.
He sighs, depressed, as he slides the desserts through a little door on the far side of the kitchen.
Such a wish is pointless - he's an U, and that's a profession completely outside of his caste. Honestly, he should be happy with this cushy job, indoors and able to steal gourmet foods from the kitchen when no one's looking.
There's a sound of light clapping (Tegoshi must have finished his set) and a new order comes in - Caramel Brownie.
Ryo bites his lip and tries not to let his eyes water as he starts to prepare it.
That was Pi's favorite dessert, and any time Ryo could sneak one out for him, his eyes would light up and he'd hug Ryo close, and say, sweetly, "Thank you, Ryo-chan."
-
Yamapi was always too much of a free-spirit - ignored the rules of society and did his own thing (as long as he wasn't on the clock working). He was one of those few E's that were assigned to duties in the city - his pleasant face and friendly demeanor garnered him that privilege among the other members of his caste.
Polite conversation and friendly acquaintanceships between members of different castes is perhaps a little odd, but not wholly uncommon or scandalous. However, the government did not look fondly upon those same people pushing the limits of their friendship and moving onto the State Idea that "every one belongs to every one" - engaging in sex and partaking of Drops together and blurring the lines of the castes. Society looks down on it even further. To do something forbidden meant doing it in alone, or in a pair, and anything done in such an environment cannot possibly be good for the government, or the rest of the population.
Yamapi was a man who socialized and slept entirely outside of his caste. Most often with Ryo, the U and chef, and Koyama, an I and pediatric nurse. It was scandalous. So much so that the powers that be transfered Koyama to a different hospital, in a different city, far away from the poison that they felt Yamapi was on him.
It never stopped Pi though. He still kept close with Ryo, and Jin, a musician.
But, it call came crashing when he was found with a 3ml bottle of Drops, the amount weekly alloted to A's; an E would never receive more than a 1ml bottle in that same time.
He was ordered out of the city, the bureaucratic A's thinking that some time out in the country would set him straight working on infrastructure with O's. It didn't work like that.
"I politely decline," Pi had said, and the courtroom was in utter silence.
"You don't have a choice," the judge had replied.
"I have plenty of choice. It's my life."
The judge had slammed down the gavel and screamed, "You will follow the laws and order of our society."
That night, Ryo had received a call on the communal phone in his dormitory.
"I'll be leaving. Tonight."
"They're taking you so quickly?"
Pi was silent for a long time, until he whispered, "I'm sorry, Ryo-chan. You had best forget about me."
"But-"
"Because I'll be doing something even more socially reprehensible than having an A's Drops."
"Tomo-"
"I'm going to the wastes. To make my own life."
Ryo had fainted. Those were the last words he ever heard Pi say, because the next morning he was gone, and not even the authorities could find him.
-
The lounge is Shige's favorite place to grab a drink after a hard day's work, and since the health clinic where Massu works is right on the way, they go in a pair more often than not. And Massu watches with increasing trepidation and worry each time they go, as Shige's eyes linger longer and hungrier on the musician with his guitar up on the little stage. Because Massu knows that Shige knows the rules of the world.
That doesn't stop Shige though.
The one night, there's a large party in one of the back rooms and the wait staff is busy with them, and one of the cooks, a short man with two moles on his face, delivers their food.
"I apologize," he says, placing the plates gently on the table. "Our wait staff is very busy tonight."
Massu grunts in response, focused and salivating over Shige's mint ice cream, even though he knows he shouldn't ask for some. Ryo bows and turns to leave.
"Before you go-"
"Yes?"
Shige clears his throat. "The musician that's normally here. Do you know his name?"
"Tegoshi," Ryo answers.
"Tegoshi..." Shige repeats, and Ryo feels a chill run down his spine.
"Sir, may I give you some advice?"
Shige makes a gross face, like the idea of an U lecturing him is personally offensive.
"Please, take it from me. Don't play outside your caste."
Massu stiffens, concerned, and Shige just waves the chef off, back to the kitchen.
That night, Shige lays in his bed, alone, and takes three Drops, disappearing into his mind and fantasies, riding the high.
-
Koyama misses the Grand City where he grew up. Riverside isn't so bad, but it's not the same; it's a smaller city, and he misses the hustle-and-bustle. He works at a university hospital now, helping train new pediatric nurses, who look up at him with loving eyes and soft tones of "Koyama-senpai". He sleeps with a lot of them, attracted to the innocence of their youth and unabashed affection towards him.
And, even though he knows he shouldn't, he still calls Ryo periodically.
"How are you?"
"...Meh," Ryo answers. "Lonely."
"You still meet people, right?"
"Yeah, but it's not the same. Sometimes..."
"Sometimes?"
Ryo coughs, and lowers his voice. "Sometimes, I think I might understand why he wanted to leave."
Koyama is flustered, abruptly starts and stops a few sentences.
"I know this is a lot to ask of you," Ryo continues, "But do you think you could... maybe.... get a travel visa, and come visit for a few days?"
"... Why?"
"I miss the familiarity. I'm scared to meet to new people."
Koyama understands why. He tells Ryo he'll work on the visa, but no promises.
-
Shige goes to the lounge, but purposefully doesn't take Massu with him. He doesn't want to feel the other's concerned glances or feel obligated to go home with him when Shige doesn't feel like it tonight. Especially tonight, when Tegoshi is singing ballad after ballad about the skin of others and the sweet taste of Drops.
Shige stays later than normal that night, waiting for when there are as few costumers as possible left.
There's just a couple off the corner, and Shige leaves his table, approaching the stage where Tegoshi is packing up his acoustic guitar.
"I don't know much about music, but you're very good."
Tegoshi straightens up, smiling. "Thank you. I'm glad to know you enjoy it."
"I've been told your name is Tegoshi."
"Ah, yes-"
Shige pulls out his wallet, handing the musician his card, "Katou Shigeaki, lawyer."
Tegoshi inhales sharply and takes the card gently, now aware that he's talking with an A.
"Well, I'll be going now. I just wanted to introduce myself."
Shige turns and leaves the lounge before Tegoshi can gather his thoughts, and once he does, he doesn't know what to do. No one just introduces themselves to some one of a lower caste because they felt like it. Tegoshi pockets the card, and tries to pretend the exchange didn't happen.
-
A few days later, Shige's back, with Massu in tow once more. They sit and order their drinks and food. Tegoshi is already up on the little stage, playing his guitar and adding to the extra ambiance of the lounge. When he notices Shige, Tegoshi gives a curt nod of recognition, and goes back to focusing on his music.
Shige smiles into the rim of his glass, and Massu wonders what he missed.
-
"I don't want to see you hurt," Massu whispers, in a taxi with Shige.
"You don't need to say anything about that."
Massu leans over, his mouth just next to Shige's ear. "You look at the musician with obvious want, Shige. Don't do something stupid."
Shige grumbles.
"Aren't me, and Yui and Ohno-san and the others enough?"
The taxi stops. Shige pays and exits, Massu following behind him, and they go into Shige's home.
"You're an A. Act like it," Massu mumbles, and tugs Shige's shirt out of his pants.
"Baseless flirting won't hurt anything. Stop worrying."
"I can't help it. I hear too many stories around town about those sorts of people."
Shige clicks his tongue in annoyance, and reaches for Massu's shirt, tugging it over his head.
"Only a fool turns themself into nothing." Shige kisses Massu on the shoulder and tugs him into the bedroom. "And I'm no fool."
-
Pi had thought finding a camp of N's would be hard, but it wasn't at all.
But that might have been because they found him.
Three nights after running from Grand City, he was traveling out in the wilds alone, edgy, scared and second-guessing himself. He fell asleep one night, stomach empty for the third day in a row and when he awoke in the morning, there was a middle-aged man sitting in his camp, cooking something over a low fire.
"Good morning," he said, in a gentle tone, like he didn't want to frighten Pi. "I can guess what you're doing out here. By yourself. My name is Fukuyama."
"... Yamashita."
Very carefully, Pi edged closer towards the man and his little fire, the smell of food was crowding out his thoughts that he should be careful with strangers in the wilds.
"Tell me about your old self," Fukuyama said, scraping some potatoes and meat of some variety onto a little plate and handed it to Pi.
"My old...?"
"You've run. I can tell. Before you can make yourself into some one new, you have to leave behind the old. Tell me who you were."
So, in between bites, Pi told him.
An E. A man who thought too much for his station. Who questioned the rules and customs of the world that he'd been told were true and right, but didn't believe. A person who dared to be more than just acquaintance with those in a higher caste - he wanted to be friends and lovers. Someone who refused to follow the so-called justice of a city and government he couldn't at all bring himself to respect.
"That is good," Fukuyama mumbled at the end, took the empty plate, and stood, slowly packed his things together in a little knapsack. "I think the council members will like you. Whether you can stay or not is ultimately up to them, but it's been quite a while since we've had some one as bright and outspoken as you."
"Where is...?"
"Our town is based around a natural spring in the mountains. It's a four day walk from here. If you don't like it, there are lots of others, and it's easy enough to catch a ride with one of the merchant caravans."
Pi smiled, "It sounds like a whole other world."
Fukuyama laughed. "It is. You'd best spend the next four days getting yourself ready for quite a shock."
-
Tegoshi always enters the lounge through the backdoor, since the owner doesn't want him accidentally bumping into customers' tables on his way to the little stage. As he enters one day, one of the assistant chefs - Nishikido, if Tegoshi remembers his name correctly - asks for a minute of his time.
"Well, okay. But make it quick. I've still got to tune my guitar."
Nishikido looks at the scratched, worn case with pained, envious eyes, before dragging them back up to Tegoshi's face.
"It's about the lawyer. The one who always comes in and orders a vodka martini and listens to you play."
".... Katou-san?" Tegoshi asks.
Nishikido nods, and whispers, "Please be careful around him."
"Why? He seems harmless enough."
"But he's an A."
"I really don't need a lecture on this sort of thing."
Nishikido bites his lip and looks away. "I just-... When this happened to me... I wish some one had taken the time to deter me away from him. Because it hurts too much now."
He bows sharply and practically runs away to the far side of the kitchen.
Thoughts of Pi dance in his mind throughout the shift and distract Ryo all night. He nicks his finger with a knife and over cooks a set of cakes. It's a tough night, and the only thing that perks him up, is a call from Koyama, just before he goes to sleep, that he was able to procure a three day visa to Grand City, thanks to being in the good graces of an Ob/Gyn at the university. He's coming for a long weekend, and Ryo can't wait.
-
Koyama sits in the lounge, chatting with familiar regulars while Ryo works, since it's not like he can get off from work.
The bartenders remember him from years back when he still lived in the city and practically haunted the lounge before disappearing suddenly.
"We were all worried for a couple weeks until you sent us word to moved to Riverside," the one says, mixing Koyama another Whiskey Sour.
"Ah, sorry about that," Koyama laughs, in a practiced tone. "The job came up really suddenly, and I've always wanted to try teaching my practice."
The door chimes, and Koyama turns enough to see two men around his own age walk in - one in a suit and the other with his hospital ID still hanging from his neck. They sit at a table closer up to the stage, but the lounge is small, so it's not like they're all that far away. The one wearing the suit has his vision focused directly on the stage, where some I is playing a guitar.
But, as the night wears on, and Koyama moves among the tables, chatting up old acquaintances, he notices that the suit man's gaze never waves, and when he gets a better glimpse, Koyama gasps, nearly dropping his drink, because he knows what eyes like those mean.
Suit man stands, and goes to the bathroom, and Koyama approaches his friend.
"May I have a word with you?" Koyama asks, but he doesn't wait for permission to sit. "As one health professional, albeit a nurse, to another, I am worried about your friend."
The other puts his head in his hands. "I know, but he won't listen to me."
"I've seen what this can do to people," Koyama whispers. "It destroys them. Please, take it from me."
Abruptly, Koyama stands, and retreats back to the bar.
-
"I'm sorry this is such a boring trip for you," Ryo mumbles, while he finished putting things away in the kitchen.
"I don't mind. I know how much it means to you for me to have come."
Ryo flushes, and doesn't give much of a response.
"When is the curfew for your dormitory?"
"I had a late shift, so for me, not until midnight."
Koyama smiles. "Let's go for a walk when you're done."
-
The park is dark and empty, and Ryo doesn't fight it at all when Koyama drags him behind a thick grove of trees and pushes him against one, the bark scratching his back through his shirt.
"You've lost weight, Ryo-chan. He wouldn't be happy," Koyama murmurs against Ryo's neck.
Ryo is quiet still, and wraps his arms around Koyama's middle, holding him tight and thankful for a familiar presence in this city he's come to hate.
"You should try and find a new place to work." Koyama kisses his neck and pulls back, just enough so he can look Ryo in the eyes. "That place holds too many painful memories for you."
"It's all I have left of him though," Ryo whispers, his voice strained
Koyama looks sad for a moment, before he leans back in, kissing Ryo tenderly, like how he knows he used to kiss Ryo.
Ryo opens up immediately, kissing back almost desperately and sliding a leg between Koyama's.
"Please," Ryo whines when they pull apart.
Koyama laughs quietly and reaches a hand down, rubbing at the front of Ryo's pants. "You don't have to beg me. You know that."
It's right in tandem, like no time has passed, that they move, touching in all the places they know the other likes and kissing heatedly among the trees. Ryo remembers what it's like to fall apart and feel something special with some one, his hands tight around Koyama's shoulders and his panting breath against Koyama's dyed, dark brown hair. Koyama kisses his neck, face, shoulder - anywhere he can reach with this mouth - while he fists his erection right against Ryo's, the friction eased only slightly from the precome.
Ryo only barely gets back to his dormitory before curfew.
-
"I'd like to get to know you better, Tegoshi-kun," Shige says, quietly, in the back hallways by the bathrooms of the lounge.
"What do you mean?"
Shige glances up and down Tegoshi, leering, obvious. "I think you know what I mean."
Tegoshi frowns.
"It's really not that big of a deal."
"It actually kind of is," Tegoshi nearly snaps, until he remembers who he's talking to. "I respectfully decline your... offer, Katou-san. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a train to catch."
Shige doesn't follow after him, and Tegoshi desperately hopes he isn't the type of guy who going to send government goons to bash down his door at 2 in the morning.
-
Pi was giddy with excitement the day he arrived in Green Spring with Fukuyama.
The orchards and pastures were pointed out to him as they passed, along with the homes of prominent members of the community. Outside of one, an old woman waved them over and handed them each an apple.
"I see you've found some one new, Fukuyama."
Pi looked over the fruit, turning it over in his hands like he'd never seen one before - because he hadn't.
"It's an apple, dear. Quite safe to eat," the woman said.
"Quite safe," Fukuyama repeated, and took a big bite.
Tentatively, Pi had nibbled at it.
The woman reached up and patted Pi on the head. "Be careful of the seeds at the core."
Pi smiled. "It's sweet."
They talked with her a while longer, until they moved further into the town.
Later, while they passed along side a field being plowed, Pi stopped awkwardly, looking over the fence.
"What is that big, brown and white thing?"
Fukuyama glanced over, absently. "A horse. We've got lots of 'em here.
Pi's jaw dropped.
"Yeah, they're not extinct."
"I-I.... had always thought...."
Fukuyama laughed, in that gentle, familiar way that Pi was getting used to. "You're going to be getting that feeling a lot, kid."
Pi nodded, and followed him further up the road. He knew they would be going to where ever the council members were, and the closer they got, the more hustle and bustle, more shops, more people there were around. When they finally stopped, Fukuyama directed him to wait outside. So, he did.
And it was with half horror, half curiosity, Pi watched as a fat woman exited an adjacent building and called for a child, that run up to her and hugged her leg. The woman and child talked for a moment, before walking away. Pi stared at their backs, shocked, unsure of what he'd just seen.
"She's pregnant."
Pi whipped around, almost knocking into Fukuyama. "What!?"
"We have normal families here. The way people are meant to live."
Pi's hairline broke out in a sweat.
"You'll be staying with me and mine while you get settled and accustomed. But for now, go on in. The council members want to speak with you."
-
Tegoshi has always been a good kid. Perhaps a little troublesome in his youth (but what child isn't?) and harmlessly self-centered among members of his caste, but, basically, good.
Which is why it worries him that thoughts of Katou-san and his proposition are increasingly on his mind.
It nags and eats at him, the danger and thrill of it nearly consuming him. Katou-san had said it wasn't a big deal - and maybe it's not. Maybe it's normal for A's to do this. Tegoshi knows there aren't many A's, so perhaps it's an unspoken rule among them that relations among them and other castes are acceptable.
Tegoshi deludes himself into believing that.
But, he's too frightened to approached Katou-san, so he sings it instead.
I'm sorry I shot you down - maybe you were right. Would you still have me? Would you still look up me with such fond eyes? You're all I've been thinking about. Will you forgive my stupidity?
When they lock eyes over the heads of the other patrons, Shige knows the song is for him, and he smirks, nodding, and Tegoshi's eyes light up.
Tegoshi purposefully misses his train that night.
He stands in the foyer of the lounge, worried, trying to figure out another way to get home.
But, it's an act - a very good one - in which Shige can play the sympathetic, heroic A, offering to share to taxi with Tegoshi-kun, since they live in the same direction.
The taxi driver is an O - so stupid he can't even keep track of his passenger's conversation for more than a minute, and doesn't think it's weird when they both get off at the same place.
And once they're inside the door of Shige's condo, he's on Tegoshi, pushing him against the wall (his guitar case falls with a loud cer-clank to the floor) and kissing his way into the musician's mouth.
"K-Kat-"
"I'll let you call me 'Shige'. It's weird to have some one so formal in my bed."
"... Shige-san?"
"I like that," Shige murmurs against Tegoshi's lips, biting at them, obviously liking the way it makes Tegoshi twitch.
Tegoshi doesn't fight the way Shige-san undresses them both, slowly, yet frantically, as they step closer to what must be his bedroom. They stop periodically, leaning against the wall while Shige-san grinds their hips together roughly, or Tegoshi falls to his knees and sucks the other's cock past his lips.
They fall onto Shige-san's bed in a pile of arms and leg and erections desperate for friction. Shige-san pulls Tegoshi up to his hands and knees and leaves him there, and Tegoshi doesn't move, just twitches slightly when Shige-san presses two click, cool fingers into him, and mumbles dirty things against his hip. Tegoshi moans, arms trembling, and nearly falls in on himself when Shige-san removes his fingers and right away presses in, his dick thick, stretching Tegoshi and just barely on the tolerable side of pain.
"You don't bottom much, do you, Tegoshi?" Shige-san asks, voice low and breathy.
Tegoshi can only manage a nod in response.
Shige-san doesn't seem to mind that, moaning and mumbling curse words under his breath as he moves in and out of Tegoshi's body.
"Touch yourself," Shige-san whispers against Tegoshi's back. "Do that. For me."
Tegoshi shifts his weight, moving his right hand, fisting himself and groaning into the pillows. He comes loud and messy across the sheets, and that just seems to make Shige-san happy.
-
Yamapi talked with the council members - two men, two women, all elderly - for more than an hour. They told him some of what he needed to know, but they encouraged him to find out for himself what the truths of the world and humanity actually were. They don't ask him at all about who he used to be, and Pi assumes Fukuyama must have told them. They continued, said he was free to pursue any occupation he chose, and they suggested he spend some time looking into as many as he could. They told him he wouldn't be locked into a single occupation, and since he was still young, it wouldn't be that odd for him to decide to change jobs in 5 or 10 years. Then, they sent him on his way, and Fukuyama greeted him just outside the door the building.
Pi felt overwhelmed with all the options before him, so Fukuyama took Pi to his home, and let him sleep.
When he woke up, there was a wonderful scent of stew in the air, and a little boy peering over the foot of the bed.
"Are you daddy's new friend?" The boy asked, and it took Pi a moment to remember what Fukuyama had told him about families.
"Um, yes."
The boy's face lit up and he crawled up onto the bed. "My daddy's the coolest. He helps lots of people who get lost out in the wilds. My name is Ryoma. What's yours?"
"Yamashita Tomohisa."
The door opened wider, and a young woman stepped in, an apron around her waist.
"Ah, I thought I heard you get up," she said, smiling. "Did you wake him up, Ryo-chan?"
The boy nodded, but Pi barely registered the action; instead, the nickname sent a chill of regret up his spine. The woman mistook it for something else.
"You must be hungry. Why don't you get up and come eat something?"
She left and Pi and Ryoma followed after her.
"My name is Youko. My husband is out wrapping up some loose ends. He'll be back in a little bit."
She handed Pi a bowl of stew, smiling still. After that, she didn't bother Pi with conversation, figuring he would still feel overwhelmed. When he finished eating, Ryoma dragged him outside, and they played in the yard with his crude, wooden carved animal toy set.
Pi stayed with Fukuyama and his family for several weeks, while an old home a little ways away was fixed up by some of the town's carpenters for his use. In the mean time, he tried to figure out what he liked to do. Which was harder than it seemed.
He spent time in the fields, farming and herding livestock. He enjoyed being out in the sun all day and working with his body, but the sunburns and dung on his shoes was less than exciting.
He shadowed the doctors and nurses and midwives. He liked helping people and knowing that he can make a difference like that, but when he listened from outside a home as a midwife struggled to save the lives of mother and child, Pi knew he couldn't do this job, couldn't stand to lose some one.
The bakery and blacksmithery didn't work out. Neither did the quarry or the corn mill. Or the library, or the scribe or school teacher or the carpenter. It was a problem, because Pi could seem himself doing all these things, but at the same time, none of them. He'd spent his whole life as an electrician, but in this place, this was no electricity and he felt a bit lost.
"What do you do, Fukuyama-san?" Pi asked after dinner, while Ryoma-chan and Youko-san were cleaning up.
"I'm a Finder."
Pi cocked his head, confused.
"I find people who are lost in the wilds, who have made themselves N's. I take people who have made themselves outcastes, and give them something new. A home, a community - a place to be happy."
Yet again, it was something Pi could see himself doing, yet not.
-
"Dirty tryst" is really the only way to put the relationship between Shige and Tegoshi.
They meet in the lounge bathroom, quick and dirty before no one notices, Tegoshi muffling himself against his arm, and Shige against the back of his neck. And also in Shige's luxurious apartment, discreetly, where they dance along each other's skin for hours and fall asleep with the taste of Drops on their lips and tongues. At the most, they can manage it twice a week - usually, its one, or even not at all. But the thrill of it drives them to keep going, and they probably couldn't stop even if they really wanted to. Tegoshi is consumed by the thought and ego-expanding knowledge than an A wants him and keeps coming back. Shige, for his part, is just excited to have some one new to pay with. The others that he normally sleeps with are all completely known to him, and while not boring, it always feels very routine.
Shige is enjoying himself, and he hates the sad, worried looks that Massu always directs his way. And, the soft, "Shige, please" 's that he'll whisper quietly when he knows that Shige is trying to find a way to sneak Tegoshi back to his place. Shige knows that Massu wants them to stop, but it's just too much fun, and he has no intention of letting Tegoshi go so quickly.
When it's late, and Tegoshi is packing up things, and the chef, Nishikido, comes out to help clean up, he looks at them with those same eyes. He's obviously weary of approaching them and saying anything, but when he looks at them, he looks like the little chef's heart is breaking. Like he understands the excitement of what they're doing, but knows exactly where it's going to end, where relationships like that always end.
What Shige and Tegoshi weren't expecting was to be double-teamed.
"No more," Massu snaps, completely out of his normal character, standing before Shige and Tegoshi, with Nishikido behind him, wringing his apron in his hands. "This stops now."
Shige frowns. "Get out of our way."
"This is for your own good." Massu steps forward and grabs Shige around the upper arm.
"Massu-"
"Tell them where this will end, Nishikido."
The chef stiffens and stares directly at the floor, looking pale.
"Nishikido-kun?" Tegoshi asks quietly.
"I know it's fun now. I know that," he whispers. "But, you'll get found out. Ripped apart. And then... you'll feel like everyday you're dead."
Shige clicks his tongue. "Over-dramatic."
"I know you don't care what I have to say. But this is what happens. It's horrible."
"I'm an A," Shige says, condescendingly. "Things work differently for me."
"They don't!" Nishikido whines, and takes a step closer to Massu, like he's trying to rely on the strength of his ally in the situation. "They'll tear you apart! They always do, and it kills you. You won't want to live anymore."
Shige pulls his arm out of Massu's grip. "I'm leaving."
"Everything reminds me of him. Everything." Ryo continues,"His memory haunts me. I just want him back, but I have no way of knowing where he is. Even if he's still alive. I'm completely alone now. The Viceroy's bureaucracy made sure of that."
Nishikido collapses in a chair, his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking. The other three just watch him, in absolute silence, realizing that, maybe, the lower castes aren't such simple people and aren't such blindly loyal and happy people, as they have always been led to believe.
-
It starts to terrify Tegoshi. If the mystery man haunts Nishikido, the chef and his words haunt Tegoshi.
He's been more attached to people before Shige-san, but Tegoshi acknowledges that he is quite attached. And the fear behind Nishikido's words make him find excuses to not meet up with Shige-san.
He wonders what happens after people of two castes are found out.
Who is punished more severely? The higher of the two, because they should have known better, or the lower, because they're worth less as a human being? Is one simply forced to move to another city, or is this where the tales of people disappearing stem from?
The questions scare Tegoshi because he knows there is no way to get a real answer.
-
"I want to stop," Tegoshi mutters, one late night when Shige-san is trying to flag down a taxi.
He turns around and sighs. "That U got to you. Unbe-fucking-lievable."
"So what if he did? We shouldn't have been doing this in the first place."
"You're upset, I can tell. I'll give you some time to calm down."
"Kato-"
"It's okay, I guess. I'll check in with you in a few weeks."
A taxi pulls over, and Shige-san gets in, leaving Tegoshi alone on the sidewalk.
-
Shige doesn't stop going to the lounge, claiming that it's his favorite place to get a drink and he has that right.
But, Tegoshi can still feel Shige's eyes on him, burning into his skin, and it makes him uncomfortable, because he knows that Shige views him as a possession.
After two weeks, Tegoshi can't take it anymore. He's jittery and constantly looking over his shoulder.
So, he packs up his things, moves out of his apartment. He gives an old instructor that particularly liked him a call and gets into a vocal training program in Riverside.
And then, he's gone, like he wasn't ever in Grand City.
-
Shige is more mopey than anything, like a child who misplaced a toy and can't figure out at all where it is.
Massu doesn't gloat but he's very happy, as is Nishikido. They talk through the little space where he chef slides finished dishes.
"It's all for the best. He'll get over it," Massu says.
Nishikido nods, looking sad. "It's better this way. I wouldn't wish that pain upon even my worst enemy."
"... What ever happened with that nurse who was here a few weeks ago?"
"Koyama-kun has to be careful," is all Nishikido says, before he's called back to his work.
Massu can't help but think he's a more complicated U than most.
-
Pi couldn't decide what he wanted to do at all. He loved the freedom of waking up each day, reading his mood, and going from there. He liked to do things with his body, like farming and carpentry and such, more than the indoor jobs though. At least he knew that.
Fukuyama frowned at Pi over the table during breakfast when he heard this.
"It's been three weeks, and you have no idea?"
Pi shook his head. "I have lots of ideas. I can't pick one without feeling like I'm missing out on something."
"The council is going to hate this, believe me," Fukuyama snapped, then finished his tea and left.
He was wrong, though. Because when Pi told the council, they laughed, gently, and nodded like it was completely understandable.
"I like doing them all, because I get to meet lots of different people and experience lots of different things," Pi had explained.
"Well, who are we to deny a young man a freedom?" One old man asked.
"It's been a while since Green Spring has had a character like you, Yamashita. You're something very special."
In the corner, a scribe wrote "Freeter" on a form, that later got slipped into Pi's file.
Fukuyama frowned, again, when he heard the news, but his wife smiled.
"A Freeter is master of nothing, but can do anything - a jack of all trades."
-
"Everything is just so boring," Shige complains, over a beer in his living room to Massu.
"This is how our world works. You know this."
"It's stupid. I could understand the trouble if an I came onto an A, or something like that, but when it's down the castes, I don't see the problem."
"It's an all or nothing deal, Shige. The things we're given are worth - even better than - the things we're not allowed. Why can't you understand that?"
Under breath, where Massu almost doesn't hear it, Shige whispers, "I guess this is the sort of reason why people become N's."
Massu almost doesn't hear it - he does though, and drops a glass of lemon water on the floor. He rushes over to Shige's side, grasping his shoulders tightly.
"What is wrong with you?! I just- how can you even talk like this, Shige?"
"Massu-"
"This is no reason to throw away your life and elite station!"
"I didn't say I was going to do it."
"Please, don't scare me like that," Massu whines, hugging Shige tight. "You're my best friend. I couldn't stand to lose you."
"Okay, okay." Shige pats him on the back. "I won't do anything you would consider 'stupid'."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
-
In the morning, Shige wakes up before his alarm, and before the sun. He crawls out from under Massu's arm and watches absently as the coffee machine does its thing, and then he leaves his apartment - wearing slippers and a robe - and takes the stairs up to the roof.
He sips at his coffee, leaning against the high railing bar on the roof, and watches the sun rise.
"I'm a coward," he says to himself. "A coward who chases nothing and can't even decide what I want."
Shige keeps drinking and watching as people start leaving nearby building for early work, and wonders what it would be like to have an alternative.
-
Pi is up early, helping some of the farmers bring the cows into the barn for their milking. It's still dark out, since it's best to bring the cows in before it gets too bright out. He's at the far back of the group, on a horse, helping with the herding. And, just as the last cow makes it into the barn, the sun rises over the horizon with a brilliant flash and a rooster crows.
Pi smiles, his heart wide and happy, and thinks he'd like to finish up that bike he's been working on recently.
PAIRING: NEWS/NEWS (aka, too many to bother listing)
RATING: R
WORD COUNT: 6,940
SUMMARY: Shige sees something he wants, but societal standards tell him he shouldn't.
NOTES: Concept from Aldous Huxley's Brave New World. Also, this is totally for sanjihan and bananyphophany and that talk we had in the JE Author Meme about TegoShige. Also, the order of the social hierarchy goes, from high to low, in the order of vowels following the Japanese alphabet: a, i, u, e, o.
Hug me till you drug me, honey;
Kiss me till I'm in a coma:
Hug me, honey, snuggle bunny;
Love's as good as soma Drops
- Aldous Huxley (strike added)
Massu doesn't drink, and he doesn't eat anything that doesn't pass his personal threshold of healthiness. He nibbles on edamame and a salad, while Shige sips a vodka martini and watches the fresh-faced lounge singer out of the corner of his eye. Massu thinks he might be interested in the singer, but it's a moot point. He thinks maybe Shige is lonely, and under the table, he scratches his fingernails lightly over Shige's thigh.
-
Massu kisses up Shige's spine while the other lays prostrate on the bed, face half-smushed into the pillow.
"You're so distracted."
Shige mumbles something in reply and rolls over, tucking his head under Massu's chin.
-
The world is whole, with no wars or racial distinctions. The cities are magnificent and a wonder to behold, with their theaters, museums and, of course, the seats of the regional viceroy and their ensuing bureaucracy. Any person of worth lives in one of the cities, while the lowly O's and some E's labor out in the wilds of the world, farming and mining so the A's, I's and U's can continue their more comfortable lifestyles. The government provides everything the people need - food, shelter, clothing, education (though only the A's and I's are given a proper formal education), leisure (in the form of sports and Drops and sex) and security. And all that is required of them is unwavering loyalty to the Law of Castes, developed and put into practice by men considered at the level of gods many years before.
The Law of Castes is the all-important governing law of the land.
Humans are inherently illogical and irrational, which is why science and order must be imposed upon them. It's for their own good. Regulating the population through Life Halls ensures that there is no under-population, and no over-population, and it makes sure that there's never too many laborers or bureaucrats in the population for trouble and instability to brew up. And, it means that traditional families are no more; familial loyalty is strong in any person, and with that gone, the government fills the role, receiving that loyalty instead.
The A's rule the others, through bureaucracy, law, science and health, performing the most complicated of jobs. They are the highest of the castes and the least numerous; and almost jokingly referred to as 'The Chosen'. I's are just below them - librarians, musicians and nurses - working in slightly less complicated professions, but still difficult and requiring formal education. U's are teachers (in primary and secondary education) and chefs, and things like that. In cities, they are generally the lowest caste, considering that the E's and O's are largely elsewhere.
E's and O's are physical laborers. The former as electricians and plumbers, requiring more training and apprenticeship, and the latter as little more than living hammers and screwdrivers and truck drivers, and are the most populous of the castes, carefully indoctrinated from the moment of their 'birth' to love nothing but the viceroys and the Father-President.
There is the sixth caste, below even the O's, but no one dares speak of these people. They live out in the wastes, ignoring their birth-right castes, running from society and everything that is good and wholesome to the rest of the world. They are the N's, the outcast non-people.
-
Ryo misses his best friend.
He stands in the kitchen, piping frosting onto petit fours and searing creme brulees out of sight of the high class costumers of the lounge. He can hear Tegoshi singing if he listens closely, and wishes again, like he has so many times, that the Sighters in the Life Hall had decided to make him a musician.
He sighs, depressed, as he slides the desserts through a little door on the far side of the kitchen.
Such a wish is pointless - he's an U, and that's a profession completely outside of his caste. Honestly, he should be happy with this cushy job, indoors and able to steal gourmet foods from the kitchen when no one's looking.
There's a sound of light clapping (Tegoshi must have finished his set) and a new order comes in - Caramel Brownie.
Ryo bites his lip and tries not to let his eyes water as he starts to prepare it.
That was Pi's favorite dessert, and any time Ryo could sneak one out for him, his eyes would light up and he'd hug Ryo close, and say, sweetly, "Thank you, Ryo-chan."
-
Yamapi was always too much of a free-spirit - ignored the rules of society and did his own thing (as long as he wasn't on the clock working). He was one of those few E's that were assigned to duties in the city - his pleasant face and friendly demeanor garnered him that privilege among the other members of his caste.
Polite conversation and friendly acquaintanceships between members of different castes is perhaps a little odd, but not wholly uncommon or scandalous. However, the government did not look fondly upon those same people pushing the limits of their friendship and moving onto the State Idea that "every one belongs to every one" - engaging in sex and partaking of Drops together and blurring the lines of the castes. Society looks down on it even further. To do something forbidden meant doing it in alone, or in a pair, and anything done in such an environment cannot possibly be good for the government, or the rest of the population.
Yamapi was a man who socialized and slept entirely outside of his caste. Most often with Ryo, the U and chef, and Koyama, an I and pediatric nurse. It was scandalous. So much so that the powers that be transfered Koyama to a different hospital, in a different city, far away from the poison that they felt Yamapi was on him.
It never stopped Pi though. He still kept close with Ryo, and Jin, a musician.
But, it call came crashing when he was found with a 3ml bottle of Drops, the amount weekly alloted to A's; an E would never receive more than a 1ml bottle in that same time.
He was ordered out of the city, the bureaucratic A's thinking that some time out in the country would set him straight working on infrastructure with O's. It didn't work like that.
"I politely decline," Pi had said, and the courtroom was in utter silence.
"You don't have a choice," the judge had replied.
"I have plenty of choice. It's my life."
The judge had slammed down the gavel and screamed, "You will follow the laws and order of our society."
That night, Ryo had received a call on the communal phone in his dormitory.
"I'll be leaving. Tonight."
"They're taking you so quickly?"
Pi was silent for a long time, until he whispered, "I'm sorry, Ryo-chan. You had best forget about me."
"But-"
"Because I'll be doing something even more socially reprehensible than having an A's Drops."
"Tomo-"
"I'm going to the wastes. To make my own life."
Ryo had fainted. Those were the last words he ever heard Pi say, because the next morning he was gone, and not even the authorities could find him.
-
The lounge is Shige's favorite place to grab a drink after a hard day's work, and since the health clinic where Massu works is right on the way, they go in a pair more often than not. And Massu watches with increasing trepidation and worry each time they go, as Shige's eyes linger longer and hungrier on the musician with his guitar up on the little stage. Because Massu knows that Shige knows the rules of the world.
That doesn't stop Shige though.
The one night, there's a large party in one of the back rooms and the wait staff is busy with them, and one of the cooks, a short man with two moles on his face, delivers their food.
"I apologize," he says, placing the plates gently on the table. "Our wait staff is very busy tonight."
Massu grunts in response, focused and salivating over Shige's mint ice cream, even though he knows he shouldn't ask for some. Ryo bows and turns to leave.
"Before you go-"
"Yes?"
Shige clears his throat. "The musician that's normally here. Do you know his name?"
"Tegoshi," Ryo answers.
"Tegoshi..." Shige repeats, and Ryo feels a chill run down his spine.
"Sir, may I give you some advice?"
Shige makes a gross face, like the idea of an U lecturing him is personally offensive.
"Please, take it from me. Don't play outside your caste."
Massu stiffens, concerned, and Shige just waves the chef off, back to the kitchen.
That night, Shige lays in his bed, alone, and takes three Drops, disappearing into his mind and fantasies, riding the high.
-
Koyama misses the Grand City where he grew up. Riverside isn't so bad, but it's not the same; it's a smaller city, and he misses the hustle-and-bustle. He works at a university hospital now, helping train new pediatric nurses, who look up at him with loving eyes and soft tones of "Koyama-senpai". He sleeps with a lot of them, attracted to the innocence of their youth and unabashed affection towards him.
And, even though he knows he shouldn't, he still calls Ryo periodically.
"How are you?"
"...Meh," Ryo answers. "Lonely."
"You still meet people, right?"
"Yeah, but it's not the same. Sometimes..."
"Sometimes?"
Ryo coughs, and lowers his voice. "Sometimes, I think I might understand why he wanted to leave."
Koyama is flustered, abruptly starts and stops a few sentences.
"I know this is a lot to ask of you," Ryo continues, "But do you think you could... maybe.... get a travel visa, and come visit for a few days?"
"... Why?"
"I miss the familiarity. I'm scared to meet to new people."
Koyama understands why. He tells Ryo he'll work on the visa, but no promises.
-
Shige goes to the lounge, but purposefully doesn't take Massu with him. He doesn't want to feel the other's concerned glances or feel obligated to go home with him when Shige doesn't feel like it tonight. Especially tonight, when Tegoshi is singing ballad after ballad about the skin of others and the sweet taste of Drops.
Shige stays later than normal that night, waiting for when there are as few costumers as possible left.
There's just a couple off the corner, and Shige leaves his table, approaching the stage where Tegoshi is packing up his acoustic guitar.
"I don't know much about music, but you're very good."
Tegoshi straightens up, smiling. "Thank you. I'm glad to know you enjoy it."
"I've been told your name is Tegoshi."
"Ah, yes-"
Shige pulls out his wallet, handing the musician his card, "Katou Shigeaki, lawyer."
Tegoshi inhales sharply and takes the card gently, now aware that he's talking with an A.
"Well, I'll be going now. I just wanted to introduce myself."
Shige turns and leaves the lounge before Tegoshi can gather his thoughts, and once he does, he doesn't know what to do. No one just introduces themselves to some one of a lower caste because they felt like it. Tegoshi pockets the card, and tries to pretend the exchange didn't happen.
-
A few days later, Shige's back, with Massu in tow once more. They sit and order their drinks and food. Tegoshi is already up on the little stage, playing his guitar and adding to the extra ambiance of the lounge. When he notices Shige, Tegoshi gives a curt nod of recognition, and goes back to focusing on his music.
Shige smiles into the rim of his glass, and Massu wonders what he missed.
-
"I don't want to see you hurt," Massu whispers, in a taxi with Shige.
"You don't need to say anything about that."
Massu leans over, his mouth just next to Shige's ear. "You look at the musician with obvious want, Shige. Don't do something stupid."
Shige grumbles.
"Aren't me, and Yui and Ohno-san and the others enough?"
The taxi stops. Shige pays and exits, Massu following behind him, and they go into Shige's home.
"You're an A. Act like it," Massu mumbles, and tugs Shige's shirt out of his pants.
"Baseless flirting won't hurt anything. Stop worrying."
"I can't help it. I hear too many stories around town about those sorts of people."
Shige clicks his tongue in annoyance, and reaches for Massu's shirt, tugging it over his head.
"Only a fool turns themself into nothing." Shige kisses Massu on the shoulder and tugs him into the bedroom. "And I'm no fool."
-
Pi had thought finding a camp of N's would be hard, but it wasn't at all.
But that might have been because they found him.
Three nights after running from Grand City, he was traveling out in the wilds alone, edgy, scared and second-guessing himself. He fell asleep one night, stomach empty for the third day in a row and when he awoke in the morning, there was a middle-aged man sitting in his camp, cooking something over a low fire.
"Good morning," he said, in a gentle tone, like he didn't want to frighten Pi. "I can guess what you're doing out here. By yourself. My name is Fukuyama."
"... Yamashita."
Very carefully, Pi edged closer towards the man and his little fire, the smell of food was crowding out his thoughts that he should be careful with strangers in the wilds.
"Tell me about your old self," Fukuyama said, scraping some potatoes and meat of some variety onto a little plate and handed it to Pi.
"My old...?"
"You've run. I can tell. Before you can make yourself into some one new, you have to leave behind the old. Tell me who you were."
So, in between bites, Pi told him.
An E. A man who thought too much for his station. Who questioned the rules and customs of the world that he'd been told were true and right, but didn't believe. A person who dared to be more than just acquaintance with those in a higher caste - he wanted to be friends and lovers. Someone who refused to follow the so-called justice of a city and government he couldn't at all bring himself to respect.
"That is good," Fukuyama mumbled at the end, took the empty plate, and stood, slowly packed his things together in a little knapsack. "I think the council members will like you. Whether you can stay or not is ultimately up to them, but it's been quite a while since we've had some one as bright and outspoken as you."
"Where is...?"
"Our town is based around a natural spring in the mountains. It's a four day walk from here. If you don't like it, there are lots of others, and it's easy enough to catch a ride with one of the merchant caravans."
Pi smiled, "It sounds like a whole other world."
Fukuyama laughed. "It is. You'd best spend the next four days getting yourself ready for quite a shock."
-
Tegoshi always enters the lounge through the backdoor, since the owner doesn't want him accidentally bumping into customers' tables on his way to the little stage. As he enters one day, one of the assistant chefs - Nishikido, if Tegoshi remembers his name correctly - asks for a minute of his time.
"Well, okay. But make it quick. I've still got to tune my guitar."
Nishikido looks at the scratched, worn case with pained, envious eyes, before dragging them back up to Tegoshi's face.
"It's about the lawyer. The one who always comes in and orders a vodka martini and listens to you play."
".... Katou-san?" Tegoshi asks.
Nishikido nods, and whispers, "Please be careful around him."
"Why? He seems harmless enough."
"But he's an A."
"I really don't need a lecture on this sort of thing."
Nishikido bites his lip and looks away. "I just-... When this happened to me... I wish some one had taken the time to deter me away from him. Because it hurts too much now."
He bows sharply and practically runs away to the far side of the kitchen.
Thoughts of Pi dance in his mind throughout the shift and distract Ryo all night. He nicks his finger with a knife and over cooks a set of cakes. It's a tough night, and the only thing that perks him up, is a call from Koyama, just before he goes to sleep, that he was able to procure a three day visa to Grand City, thanks to being in the good graces of an Ob/Gyn at the university. He's coming for a long weekend, and Ryo can't wait.
-
Koyama sits in the lounge, chatting with familiar regulars while Ryo works, since it's not like he can get off from work.
The bartenders remember him from years back when he still lived in the city and practically haunted the lounge before disappearing suddenly.
"We were all worried for a couple weeks until you sent us word to moved to Riverside," the one says, mixing Koyama another Whiskey Sour.
"Ah, sorry about that," Koyama laughs, in a practiced tone. "The job came up really suddenly, and I've always wanted to try teaching my practice."
The door chimes, and Koyama turns enough to see two men around his own age walk in - one in a suit and the other with his hospital ID still hanging from his neck. They sit at a table closer up to the stage, but the lounge is small, so it's not like they're all that far away. The one wearing the suit has his vision focused directly on the stage, where some I is playing a guitar.
But, as the night wears on, and Koyama moves among the tables, chatting up old acquaintances, he notices that the suit man's gaze never waves, and when he gets a better glimpse, Koyama gasps, nearly dropping his drink, because he knows what eyes like those mean.
Suit man stands, and goes to the bathroom, and Koyama approaches his friend.
"May I have a word with you?" Koyama asks, but he doesn't wait for permission to sit. "As one health professional, albeit a nurse, to another, I am worried about your friend."
The other puts his head in his hands. "I know, but he won't listen to me."
"I've seen what this can do to people," Koyama whispers. "It destroys them. Please, take it from me."
Abruptly, Koyama stands, and retreats back to the bar.
-
"I'm sorry this is such a boring trip for you," Ryo mumbles, while he finished putting things away in the kitchen.
"I don't mind. I know how much it means to you for me to have come."
Ryo flushes, and doesn't give much of a response.
"When is the curfew for your dormitory?"
"I had a late shift, so for me, not until midnight."
Koyama smiles. "Let's go for a walk when you're done."
-
The park is dark and empty, and Ryo doesn't fight it at all when Koyama drags him behind a thick grove of trees and pushes him against one, the bark scratching his back through his shirt.
"You've lost weight, Ryo-chan. He wouldn't be happy," Koyama murmurs against Ryo's neck.
Ryo is quiet still, and wraps his arms around Koyama's middle, holding him tight and thankful for a familiar presence in this city he's come to hate.
"You should try and find a new place to work." Koyama kisses his neck and pulls back, just enough so he can look Ryo in the eyes. "That place holds too many painful memories for you."
"It's all I have left of him though," Ryo whispers, his voice strained
Koyama looks sad for a moment, before he leans back in, kissing Ryo tenderly, like how he knows he used to kiss Ryo.
Ryo opens up immediately, kissing back almost desperately and sliding a leg between Koyama's.
"Please," Ryo whines when they pull apart.
Koyama laughs quietly and reaches a hand down, rubbing at the front of Ryo's pants. "You don't have to beg me. You know that."
It's right in tandem, like no time has passed, that they move, touching in all the places they know the other likes and kissing heatedly among the trees. Ryo remembers what it's like to fall apart and feel something special with some one, his hands tight around Koyama's shoulders and his panting breath against Koyama's dyed, dark brown hair. Koyama kisses his neck, face, shoulder - anywhere he can reach with this mouth - while he fists his erection right against Ryo's, the friction eased only slightly from the precome.
Ryo only barely gets back to his dormitory before curfew.
-
"I'd like to get to know you better, Tegoshi-kun," Shige says, quietly, in the back hallways by the bathrooms of the lounge.
"What do you mean?"
Shige glances up and down Tegoshi, leering, obvious. "I think you know what I mean."
Tegoshi frowns.
"It's really not that big of a deal."
"It actually kind of is," Tegoshi nearly snaps, until he remembers who he's talking to. "I respectfully decline your... offer, Katou-san. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a train to catch."
Shige doesn't follow after him, and Tegoshi desperately hopes he isn't the type of guy who going to send government goons to bash down his door at 2 in the morning.
-
Pi was giddy with excitement the day he arrived in Green Spring with Fukuyama.
The orchards and pastures were pointed out to him as they passed, along with the homes of prominent members of the community. Outside of one, an old woman waved them over and handed them each an apple.
"I see you've found some one new, Fukuyama."
Pi looked over the fruit, turning it over in his hands like he'd never seen one before - because he hadn't.
"It's an apple, dear. Quite safe to eat," the woman said.
"Quite safe," Fukuyama repeated, and took a big bite.
Tentatively, Pi had nibbled at it.
The woman reached up and patted Pi on the head. "Be careful of the seeds at the core."
Pi smiled. "It's sweet."
They talked with her a while longer, until they moved further into the town.
Later, while they passed along side a field being plowed, Pi stopped awkwardly, looking over the fence.
"What is that big, brown and white thing?"
Fukuyama glanced over, absently. "A horse. We've got lots of 'em here.
Pi's jaw dropped.
"Yeah, they're not extinct."
"I-I.... had always thought...."
Fukuyama laughed, in that gentle, familiar way that Pi was getting used to. "You're going to be getting that feeling a lot, kid."
Pi nodded, and followed him further up the road. He knew they would be going to where ever the council members were, and the closer they got, the more hustle and bustle, more shops, more people there were around. When they finally stopped, Fukuyama directed him to wait outside. So, he did.
And it was with half horror, half curiosity, Pi watched as a fat woman exited an adjacent building and called for a child, that run up to her and hugged her leg. The woman and child talked for a moment, before walking away. Pi stared at their backs, shocked, unsure of what he'd just seen.
"She's pregnant."
Pi whipped around, almost knocking into Fukuyama. "What!?"
"We have normal families here. The way people are meant to live."
Pi's hairline broke out in a sweat.
"You'll be staying with me and mine while you get settled and accustomed. But for now, go on in. The council members want to speak with you."
-
Tegoshi has always been a good kid. Perhaps a little troublesome in his youth (but what child isn't?) and harmlessly self-centered among members of his caste, but, basically, good.
Which is why it worries him that thoughts of Katou-san and his proposition are increasingly on his mind.
It nags and eats at him, the danger and thrill of it nearly consuming him. Katou-san had said it wasn't a big deal - and maybe it's not. Maybe it's normal for A's to do this. Tegoshi knows there aren't many A's, so perhaps it's an unspoken rule among them that relations among them and other castes are acceptable.
Tegoshi deludes himself into believing that.
But, he's too frightened to approached Katou-san, so he sings it instead.
I'm sorry I shot you down - maybe you were right. Would you still have me? Would you still look up me with such fond eyes? You're all I've been thinking about. Will you forgive my stupidity?
When they lock eyes over the heads of the other patrons, Shige knows the song is for him, and he smirks, nodding, and Tegoshi's eyes light up.
Tegoshi purposefully misses his train that night.
He stands in the foyer of the lounge, worried, trying to figure out another way to get home.
But, it's an act - a very good one - in which Shige can play the sympathetic, heroic A, offering to share to taxi with Tegoshi-kun, since they live in the same direction.
The taxi driver is an O - so stupid he can't even keep track of his passenger's conversation for more than a minute, and doesn't think it's weird when they both get off at the same place.
And once they're inside the door of Shige's condo, he's on Tegoshi, pushing him against the wall (his guitar case falls with a loud cer-clank to the floor) and kissing his way into the musician's mouth.
"K-Kat-"
"I'll let you call me 'Shige'. It's weird to have some one so formal in my bed."
"... Shige-san?"
"I like that," Shige murmurs against Tegoshi's lips, biting at them, obviously liking the way it makes Tegoshi twitch.
Tegoshi doesn't fight the way Shige-san undresses them both, slowly, yet frantically, as they step closer to what must be his bedroom. They stop periodically, leaning against the wall while Shige-san grinds their hips together roughly, or Tegoshi falls to his knees and sucks the other's cock past his lips.
They fall onto Shige-san's bed in a pile of arms and leg and erections desperate for friction. Shige-san pulls Tegoshi up to his hands and knees and leaves him there, and Tegoshi doesn't move, just twitches slightly when Shige-san presses two click, cool fingers into him, and mumbles dirty things against his hip. Tegoshi moans, arms trembling, and nearly falls in on himself when Shige-san removes his fingers and right away presses in, his dick thick, stretching Tegoshi and just barely on the tolerable side of pain.
"You don't bottom much, do you, Tegoshi?" Shige-san asks, voice low and breathy.
Tegoshi can only manage a nod in response.
Shige-san doesn't seem to mind that, moaning and mumbling curse words under his breath as he moves in and out of Tegoshi's body.
"Touch yourself," Shige-san whispers against Tegoshi's back. "Do that. For me."
Tegoshi shifts his weight, moving his right hand, fisting himself and groaning into the pillows. He comes loud and messy across the sheets, and that just seems to make Shige-san happy.
-
Yamapi talked with the council members - two men, two women, all elderly - for more than an hour. They told him some of what he needed to know, but they encouraged him to find out for himself what the truths of the world and humanity actually were. They don't ask him at all about who he used to be, and Pi assumes Fukuyama must have told them. They continued, said he was free to pursue any occupation he chose, and they suggested he spend some time looking into as many as he could. They told him he wouldn't be locked into a single occupation, and since he was still young, it wouldn't be that odd for him to decide to change jobs in 5 or 10 years. Then, they sent him on his way, and Fukuyama greeted him just outside the door the building.
Pi felt overwhelmed with all the options before him, so Fukuyama took Pi to his home, and let him sleep.
When he woke up, there was a wonderful scent of stew in the air, and a little boy peering over the foot of the bed.
"Are you daddy's new friend?" The boy asked, and it took Pi a moment to remember what Fukuyama had told him about families.
"Um, yes."
The boy's face lit up and he crawled up onto the bed. "My daddy's the coolest. He helps lots of people who get lost out in the wilds. My name is Ryoma. What's yours?"
"Yamashita Tomohisa."
The door opened wider, and a young woman stepped in, an apron around her waist.
"Ah, I thought I heard you get up," she said, smiling. "Did you wake him up, Ryo-chan?"
The boy nodded, but Pi barely registered the action; instead, the nickname sent a chill of regret up his spine. The woman mistook it for something else.
"You must be hungry. Why don't you get up and come eat something?"
She left and Pi and Ryoma followed after her.
"My name is Youko. My husband is out wrapping up some loose ends. He'll be back in a little bit."
She handed Pi a bowl of stew, smiling still. After that, she didn't bother Pi with conversation, figuring he would still feel overwhelmed. When he finished eating, Ryoma dragged him outside, and they played in the yard with his crude, wooden carved animal toy set.
Pi stayed with Fukuyama and his family for several weeks, while an old home a little ways away was fixed up by some of the town's carpenters for his use. In the mean time, he tried to figure out what he liked to do. Which was harder than it seemed.
He spent time in the fields, farming and herding livestock. He enjoyed being out in the sun all day and working with his body, but the sunburns and dung on his shoes was less than exciting.
He shadowed the doctors and nurses and midwives. He liked helping people and knowing that he can make a difference like that, but when he listened from outside a home as a midwife struggled to save the lives of mother and child, Pi knew he couldn't do this job, couldn't stand to lose some one.
The bakery and blacksmithery didn't work out. Neither did the quarry or the corn mill. Or the library, or the scribe or school teacher or the carpenter. It was a problem, because Pi could seem himself doing all these things, but at the same time, none of them. He'd spent his whole life as an electrician, but in this place, this was no electricity and he felt a bit lost.
"What do you do, Fukuyama-san?" Pi asked after dinner, while Ryoma-chan and Youko-san were cleaning up.
"I'm a Finder."
Pi cocked his head, confused.
"I find people who are lost in the wilds, who have made themselves N's. I take people who have made themselves outcastes, and give them something new. A home, a community - a place to be happy."
Yet again, it was something Pi could see himself doing, yet not.
-
"Dirty tryst" is really the only way to put the relationship between Shige and Tegoshi.
They meet in the lounge bathroom, quick and dirty before no one notices, Tegoshi muffling himself against his arm, and Shige against the back of his neck. And also in Shige's luxurious apartment, discreetly, where they dance along each other's skin for hours and fall asleep with the taste of Drops on their lips and tongues. At the most, they can manage it twice a week - usually, its one, or even not at all. But the thrill of it drives them to keep going, and they probably couldn't stop even if they really wanted to. Tegoshi is consumed by the thought and ego-expanding knowledge than an A wants him and keeps coming back. Shige, for his part, is just excited to have some one new to pay with. The others that he normally sleeps with are all completely known to him, and while not boring, it always feels very routine.
Shige is enjoying himself, and he hates the sad, worried looks that Massu always directs his way. And, the soft, "Shige, please" 's that he'll whisper quietly when he knows that Shige is trying to find a way to sneak Tegoshi back to his place. Shige knows that Massu wants them to stop, but it's just too much fun, and he has no intention of letting Tegoshi go so quickly.
When it's late, and Tegoshi is packing up things, and the chef, Nishikido, comes out to help clean up, he looks at them with those same eyes. He's obviously weary of approaching them and saying anything, but when he looks at them, he looks like the little chef's heart is breaking. Like he understands the excitement of what they're doing, but knows exactly where it's going to end, where relationships like that always end.
What Shige and Tegoshi weren't expecting was to be double-teamed.
"No more," Massu snaps, completely out of his normal character, standing before Shige and Tegoshi, with Nishikido behind him, wringing his apron in his hands. "This stops now."
Shige frowns. "Get out of our way."
"This is for your own good." Massu steps forward and grabs Shige around the upper arm.
"Massu-"
"Tell them where this will end, Nishikido."
The chef stiffens and stares directly at the floor, looking pale.
"Nishikido-kun?" Tegoshi asks quietly.
"I know it's fun now. I know that," he whispers. "But, you'll get found out. Ripped apart. And then... you'll feel like everyday you're dead."
Shige clicks his tongue. "Over-dramatic."
"I know you don't care what I have to say. But this is what happens. It's horrible."
"I'm an A," Shige says, condescendingly. "Things work differently for me."
"They don't!" Nishikido whines, and takes a step closer to Massu, like he's trying to rely on the strength of his ally in the situation. "They'll tear you apart! They always do, and it kills you. You won't want to live anymore."
Shige pulls his arm out of Massu's grip. "I'm leaving."
"Everything reminds me of him. Everything." Ryo continues,"His memory haunts me. I just want him back, but I have no way of knowing where he is. Even if he's still alive. I'm completely alone now. The Viceroy's bureaucracy made sure of that."
Nishikido collapses in a chair, his head in his hands, his shoulders shaking. The other three just watch him, in absolute silence, realizing that, maybe, the lower castes aren't such simple people and aren't such blindly loyal and happy people, as they have always been led to believe.
-
It starts to terrify Tegoshi. If the mystery man haunts Nishikido, the chef and his words haunt Tegoshi.
He's been more attached to people before Shige-san, but Tegoshi acknowledges that he is quite attached. And the fear behind Nishikido's words make him find excuses to not meet up with Shige-san.
He wonders what happens after people of two castes are found out.
Who is punished more severely? The higher of the two, because they should have known better, or the lower, because they're worth less as a human being? Is one simply forced to move to another city, or is this where the tales of people disappearing stem from?
The questions scare Tegoshi because he knows there is no way to get a real answer.
-
"I want to stop," Tegoshi mutters, one late night when Shige-san is trying to flag down a taxi.
He turns around and sighs. "That U got to you. Unbe-fucking-lievable."
"So what if he did? We shouldn't have been doing this in the first place."
"You're upset, I can tell. I'll give you some time to calm down."
"Kato-"
"It's okay, I guess. I'll check in with you in a few weeks."
A taxi pulls over, and Shige-san gets in, leaving Tegoshi alone on the sidewalk.
-
Shige doesn't stop going to the lounge, claiming that it's his favorite place to get a drink and he has that right.
But, Tegoshi can still feel Shige's eyes on him, burning into his skin, and it makes him uncomfortable, because he knows that Shige views him as a possession.
After two weeks, Tegoshi can't take it anymore. He's jittery and constantly looking over his shoulder.
So, he packs up his things, moves out of his apartment. He gives an old instructor that particularly liked him a call and gets into a vocal training program in Riverside.
And then, he's gone, like he wasn't ever in Grand City.
-
Shige is more mopey than anything, like a child who misplaced a toy and can't figure out at all where it is.
Massu doesn't gloat but he's very happy, as is Nishikido. They talk through the little space where he chef slides finished dishes.
"It's all for the best. He'll get over it," Massu says.
Nishikido nods, looking sad. "It's better this way. I wouldn't wish that pain upon even my worst enemy."
"... What ever happened with that nurse who was here a few weeks ago?"
"Koyama-kun has to be careful," is all Nishikido says, before he's called back to his work.
Massu can't help but think he's a more complicated U than most.
-
Pi couldn't decide what he wanted to do at all. He loved the freedom of waking up each day, reading his mood, and going from there. He liked to do things with his body, like farming and carpentry and such, more than the indoor jobs though. At least he knew that.
Fukuyama frowned at Pi over the table during breakfast when he heard this.
"It's been three weeks, and you have no idea?"
Pi shook his head. "I have lots of ideas. I can't pick one without feeling like I'm missing out on something."
"The council is going to hate this, believe me," Fukuyama snapped, then finished his tea and left.
He was wrong, though. Because when Pi told the council, they laughed, gently, and nodded like it was completely understandable.
"I like doing them all, because I get to meet lots of different people and experience lots of different things," Pi had explained.
"Well, who are we to deny a young man a freedom?" One old man asked.
"It's been a while since Green Spring has had a character like you, Yamashita. You're something very special."
In the corner, a scribe wrote "Freeter" on a form, that later got slipped into Pi's file.
Fukuyama frowned, again, when he heard the news, but his wife smiled.
"A Freeter is master of nothing, but can do anything - a jack of all trades."
-
"Everything is just so boring," Shige complains, over a beer in his living room to Massu.
"This is how our world works. You know this."
"It's stupid. I could understand the trouble if an I came onto an A, or something like that, but when it's down the castes, I don't see the problem."
"It's an all or nothing deal, Shige. The things we're given are worth - even better than - the things we're not allowed. Why can't you understand that?"
Under breath, where Massu almost doesn't hear it, Shige whispers, "I guess this is the sort of reason why people become N's."
Massu almost doesn't hear it - he does though, and drops a glass of lemon water on the floor. He rushes over to Shige's side, grasping his shoulders tightly.
"What is wrong with you?! I just- how can you even talk like this, Shige?"
"Massu-"
"This is no reason to throw away your life and elite station!"
"I didn't say I was going to do it."
"Please, don't scare me like that," Massu whines, hugging Shige tight. "You're my best friend. I couldn't stand to lose you."
"Okay, okay." Shige pats him on the back. "I won't do anything you would consider 'stupid'."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
-
In the morning, Shige wakes up before his alarm, and before the sun. He crawls out from under Massu's arm and watches absently as the coffee machine does its thing, and then he leaves his apartment - wearing slippers and a robe - and takes the stairs up to the roof.
He sips at his coffee, leaning against the high railing bar on the roof, and watches the sun rise.
"I'm a coward," he says to himself. "A coward who chases nothing and can't even decide what I want."
Shige keeps drinking and watching as people start leaving nearby building for early work, and wonders what it would be like to have an alternative.
-
Pi is up early, helping some of the farmers bring the cows into the barn for their milking. It's still dark out, since it's best to bring the cows in before it gets too bright out. He's at the far back of the group, on a horse, helping with the herding. And, just as the last cow makes it into the barn, the sun rises over the horizon with a brilliant flash and a rooster crows.
Pi smiles, his heart wide and happy, and thinks he'd like to finish up that bike he's been working on recently.