These Roads We Walk
TITLE: These Roads We Walk
RATING: G - PG-13 (depending)
PAIRING: Ryo/Shige
NOTES: Whore!verse. So, when I little, there was a whole fad of those make-your-own ending books. Where, as the reader you control the actions of the protagonist. Ie, “Go up the stairs, turn to page 46. Go down the stairs, turn to page 57.” I had almost 30 hours worth of flights recently. I was bored and had plenty of time to make one of my own. (I’m not sure if this makes me dedicated or freakish.)
WARNING Be careful how far down you scroll! Try not to get too far ahead of where you are, otherwise you might get into a part that isn’t connected to what you’re reading! I’ll try to leave a lot of space between sections, just in case.
Ryo hasn’t had much in terms of drama parts recently, but he’s not too upset with that. Kanjani8 has been doing very well, and if he was filming constantly, he’d just be stressed out all the time like Kamenashi is. So Ryo happily goes along with his schedule and what free time he’s given. However, he’s getting more popular and more producers are calling, asking about Ryo’s schedule and if he’d have time, for even just an appearance in a single episode. At first, his manager politely declines; telling them there simply isn’t time for something like that right now. But as more of the inquiries come in, it gets harder to say ‘no’ and Johnny gets involved. He looks through the various requests and picks one for Ryo.
It’s just a guest appearance in one episode, nothing huge, it’ll easily fit into his schedule. Filming will probably only be a day or two. But when the script is put into Ryo’s hand and he reads it, he thinks there might be a problem. Except he can’t tell any one about it.
Ryo has to kiss a girl, on the lips.
He groans, knowing this isn’t going to be a fun situation. For any one.
He knows this is something he’ll have to break to Shige before the episode actually airs, because if Shige’s sees it, he’ll just get more insecure, which is endearing, but only up to a certain point. And when Ryo imagines the conversation, it never goes well.
They’re sitting together on the couch, and Ryo doesn’t even realize what channel it is until the Zoomin Evening Feature comes on. He starts swearing in his head and prays they don’t mention the drama, since he hasn’t talked with Shige about it. Of course, they mention it. In great detail.
Shige’s face lights up and he turns to Ryo. “You didn’t tell me you were having a guest appearance! I’ve only ever gotten to see your dramas on DVD.”
“Um-”
“I’m so excited to watch it!”
Ryo sighs. “You don’t want to watch it.”
“No, I do.”
Shige’s smiling more broadly than he’s ever seen and Ryo feels like an ass.
“You really. Really aren’t going to want to watch it.”
Shige laughs. “Do you have an embarrassing character?”
Ryo leans back on the couch. “I have to kiss a girl.”
Scroll down for 'Shige says a lot about it' OR Shige says only a little
Like Ryo expected, Shige’s face drops. “What?”
“It’s part of the script. Shige, I don’t like it any more than you do.”
“Why’d you accept the part?!”
Ryo’s surprised by Shige’s tone. “Um, I didn’t. Johnny did. And what he decides is law. I can’t fight it, Shige. I just have to hope the scene doesn’t take too long.”
Shige’s frowning, looking angry and like he’s about to cry at the same time. “You certainly don’t seem concerned about this.”
Ryo swallows. “I’ve known… for a week.”
“What?! And you didn’t tell me!”
“I didn’t know how!”
Shige crosses his arms and glares at the TV, and Ryo’s worried that he’s going to storm out and he’s going to have this hanging over his head forever.
“Shige, It's-“
“Your job,” Shige’s grumbling, and of course, he’s not happy. Not at all.
Shige stays OR Shige makes an excuse to leave
Shige’s still and when he speaks, it’s with disbelief. “What?”
“It’s in the script. It… can’t be changed.”
Shige looks away, obviously upset. Ryo had honestly been expecting a different kind of response, something more vocal and angry about the news, but Shige seems to be taking it well enough.
Ryo reaches out, running a hand down Shige’s arm. “I don’t like it. But it’s out of my control.”
Shige buries his face in his hands. “It’s your job.”
“Yeah.” And Ryo puts his head on Shige’s shoulder.
Shige is a pretty accepting person, and even though the news hurts, he knows that Ryo’s telling the truth when he says it’s out of his control. Ryo wouldn’t choose to do something like this. He wouldn’t voluntarily smack their relationship in the face. But knowing that doesn’t make it any easier.
Shige tries to make Ryo jealous OR Shige makes an excuse to leave
They’re quiet for a while, and neither of them is relaxed. The feature moves on, talking about other things and Ryo wants to turn the TV off, but he’s afraid of moving. Like the movement will break something fragile. Shige doesn’t say much for the rest of the night - it’s painfully obvious that he’s angry and it’s going to be a while before he lets go of it. Part of Ryo is a little happy that Shige’s jealous, but then he remembers it’s not jealousy, it’s anger, and he feels guilty.
Shige never leaves though, which astonishes Ryo - he’s not sure he’d do the same thing in this situation. He does leave for a short time though, but all he did was go down to the convenience store and get some snacks and a few magazines. He stretches out on the couch, leaving no room for Ryo, eating chips and lazily flipping through the pages, stopping every so often. Ryo’s forced to sit at the kitchen table, but he’s at Shige’s back, able to see the magazine pages too.
Ryo messages back and forth with a few people, occasionally looking towards Shige, trying to think of something really good to say that’ll smooth everything over. But nothing’s really prepared him this. After the sixth or seventh time of looking over Shige’s shoulder at the magazine, he realizes something - all Shige’s doing is looking, intently, at the ads, especially ones with girls showing a lot of skin. Ryo leans to the side a little bit, to get a look at Shige’s face, and Ryo can’t help the choked laugh he lets out - Shige looks so bored.
Shige turns around, and Ryo laughs out loud, because Shige’s trying to glare, but he’s not very good at it, because it’s Shige.
“What?”
Ryo shakes his head. “You’re hilarious sometimes.”
Shige stays OR Shige leaves
Shige frowns and looks upset, closing the magazine and throwing it on the floor.
“I can’t believe you bought that!”
“Shut up, Ryo!”
And Shige gets up, going to the bathroom and slamming the door shut. Ryo hears the shower turn on, and Shige stays in there for a long time.
It’s late when Ryo’s in bed and he feels it dip on the other side where Shige’s getting in. He rolls over.
“Shige.”
“I’m still mad at you.”
“I know.” Ryo scoots closer, next to Shige. “I still think you’re hilarious.”
Shige pushes at Ryo, but it’s half-hearted, and they both know it.
Ryo laughs. “And adorable.”
(continue down to next part)
The next day, Ryo’s interview is broadcast. The host does nothing but talk about his part in the show and can’t shut up about the kiss. Ryo prays Shige isn’t watching, because it’ll just start the argument up all over again.
“Are you looking forward to the kiss, Nishikido-kun?”
“Um…”
“Eh?! Are you hesitating! How unlike you!”
“Well, it’s just, kind of awkward.” Ryo rubs the back of his head. “Not kissing in general, but kissing some one you don’t like, who you’re not with… it’s kind of awkward, isn’t it? It’s hard too, as an actor. To fake an emotion like love. It’s really hard with kisses.”
“What if it’s some one you like?”
“Oh, well in that case it’s easy. Very easy.” The girls in the audience scream. “Because it’s a genuine action and emotion. If it’s some one I like, I could go on kissing forever.”
The girls in the audience die hearing that.
Ryo comes back that day from work and Shige’s doing his homework on the couch. Ryo sighs, so happy.
“Shige?”
“Yes?”
Ryo sits down next to him, faces close. “You’re really easy to kiss.”
Shige blushes and Ryo nuzzles his neck.
END
Shige throws the magazine on the floor. “Shut up, Nishikido!”
Ryo winces a little, both from the tone and the distance - Shige’s hasn’t called him Nishikido in a while. And the next thing he knows, the front door is slamming closed, and he’s alone.
(continue down)
Shige goes home and sulks. He tries reading, but he’s still too angry to focus, and there’s not really anything else to do at his place. He turns on his old radio and lies on the floor, listening to the music and trying to calm down, but he’s not doing so well. His sleep is restless - he can’t seem to get the news out of his head.
There are bags under this eyes, and all this friends comment about it, since Shige’s usually so well rested. He shrugs, never giving a real reason, but they never press him for one. Classes drag on forever and when he’s finally done for the day, he buys a smoothie on the way home to celebrate. He’s home for about five minutes before there’s knocking on his door. No one comes to his apartment except for himself and his landlord when the rent’s due, and he paid that last week.
Shige opens the door, fearing blackmail from his landlord, but it’s just Ryo, wearing giant sunglasses and hat covering most of his head. Shige doesn’t move to let him in.
“There are paparazzi all over my place.”
Shige stiffens. “Why?”
“There’s nothing happening today. They always want random shots of idols.”
Shige looks over Ryo’s shoulder, and then steps back. “Fine. Get in.”
Shige starts putting away the things from his bags, but Ryo’s still in the genkan.
“Um, Shige?”
“What?”
Ryo steps out. “Did you see my interview today?”
“No. I had class.”
Ryo frowns. “Fuckin’ class. I was brilliant.”
Shige basically ignores him.
Ryo moves over to Shige. “Here’s a deal: To make up for the one drama kiss, I’ll kiss you whenever you want. Anytime, anywhere. Even if I’ll be shooting myself in the foot, career wise.”
Shige turns. “What?”
Ryo laughs and wraps his arms around Shige’s waist. “It’s Shige or nothing.”
Shige regards Ryo and then laughs too. “It’s Ryo or nothing.”
END
Shige’s still for a while, and Ryo’s worried, because he’s never really seen Shige angry, so he doesn’t know what to expect.
“I have a lot of work tonight.”
“...Do it then.”
Shige stands up. “I can’t focus here. I’m going home.”
“Wha- Shige!”
But he’s already gathering his things together, including the giant pile of books that have accumulated at Ryo’s. He balances them all together and heads for the door - all while Ryo sits on the couch, watching with a horrified look on his face. The door closes and the apartment’s quiet for once. Ryo’s terrified about the future.
Shige goes home OR scroll down to 'Shige runs into a friend'.
Shige radiates rage the whole way home, and people move of out this way on the sidewalk and when he gets on the bus.
As he’s about to go into the courtyard of his apartment building, he hears some one call his name. He figures it’s Ryo and keeps going. But there’s a hand on his shoulder, and when he turns to yell, it’s not Ryo.
It’s Kenta, a school acquaintance - they’ve had several classes together even though their not in the same department. Shige knows he lives nearby.
“Katou-kun! I haven’t seen you all semester! How are you?”
Shige’s not really in the mood to deal with Kenta right now, but he also doesn’t want to seem rude, so he puts on a fake smile and talks with him on the sidewalk.
Some how, they end up going back to Kenta’s place and having a few drinks. They complain about past professors and other students, and overall, Shige thinks the night has turned out alright, considering the bomb Ryo dropped on him.
“Katou-kun, I have to admit something.”
“Eh? What?” Shige’s voice is slurring.
“My girlfriend broke up with me, right in the middle of our date earlier today.”
“That bitch.”
“Tell me about it. Anyways, I really just needed some one to hang out with tonight and you were walking right in front of me.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Shige lifts his beer up. “I’m having a good time with you. Why haven’t we ever done this before?”
“Fuck if I know. Hey, you got any one right now?”
Shige stops, and stares intently at the floor. “I’m not sure.”
Shige does something stupid OR Shige does something less stupid
“Oh, ‘it’s complicated’.”
“Fuck.” Shige downs the rest of his beer. “I’m going to find out right now.”
And Shige drops the bottle and crawls over to his bag and fishes out his phone. Getting it out and dialing Ryo’s number was more of an effort than usual.
Ring. Ri-
“Sh-“
“Ryo!”
“Ryo? Isn’t that a dude’s name?” Kenta says in the background, but Shige ignores him.
“What the hell is going on?!”
“Uh, you’re drunk dialing me?”
“Yes, I am!”
Kenta laughs.
“Who’s there with you?”
“What do you care! Ryo, don’t fuckin’ kiss her!”
“Shige, where are you? I’ll come get you. And who’s there with you?”
“I am a grown man and I have friends and I don’t need,” Shige pauses here for several seconds, and Kenta yells something again in the background, “to be taken care of!”
“Shige! Who the fuck are you with?!”
“My friend!”
And Shige means to yell more into the phone, like it will accomplish anything, but his head is spinning and he wonders if it’s the alcohol. Ryo’s still asking him things, and Kenta’s asking him if he’s alright. Shige has enough of a mind to close his phone, but throws it to Kenta for some reason.
“I think I should sleep.”
Kenta nods. “Yeah. Dude, you can’t hold booze worth shit.”
And Shige promptly passes out on Kenta’s floor.
Shige wakes up to a surprise OR Shige wakes up to something expected
“You’re not sure?”
“We got into a fight. And I left. Cause he’s gonna be on TV, but he’s gotta kiss this girl and I didn’t like it.”
“Wait, dude. ‘He’? Seriously? You’re gay?”
Shige looks at Kenta, carefully. “I don’t know. And I’m not sure we know each other well enough for you to ask that.”
Kenta nods. “Yeah, probably not. That was a weird part of the conversation.”
Shige falls backwards. “Fuckin’ Ryo. Doing all this fuckin’ shit I don’t like.”
“How far have you guy’s gone?”
“Waaaay too personal.”
“Ew! Wait! I just thought of something! Does his stubble scratch you when you guys kiss? Ahh, I can’t believe I thought that!” Kenta’s laughing.
Shige frowns. “No. It doesn’t.”
“Dude, it must. When you’re suckin’ face. There’s stubble. Ow.”
“You’re an idiot. Totally wrong.”
“Then let’s fuckin’ see.”
And suddenly, Kenta’s face is all that Shige can see, and there are lips on his, and the only thing Shige can think is, Where’s Ryo? Shige doesn’t really move, or participate in the kiss - he doesn’t think Kenta’s that great looking, and it feels weird to kiss some one else. Kenta’s lips are gone, but there’s breathing along his neck, and Shige’s still wondering where Ryo is, because no one else should be doing this.
The rest of the night is a blur, but when Shige wakes up on the kitchen floor, he’s fully clothed and he feels at least a little relieved. His head is pounding and his throat is dry.
Shige remembers OR Shige's doesn't remember
He feels like throwing up.
Not so much because of the hang over; much more because he remembers. He remembers the feeling of Kenta’s lips on his, and it’s disgusting just to think about it. He sees his bag near the door, and grabs it, running out of the apartment.
He’s not completely familiar with the neighborhood, but he starts recognizing stores and buildings and gets home soon enough. He falls to the floor once he’s inside, still feeling nauseous. He crawls into the bathroom and turns the water on, as hot as it will go and scrubs. His breathing is short, and he can’t seem to stop shaking. His skin is red from the heat and irritation, but Shige can’t stop. He feels like it’s written all over his skin and he’s terrified of Ryo finding out.
He gets out of the shower when all the hot water is gone. His phone is beeping at him - he’s got a voicemail, if not several - but Shige won’t look. Anything reminding him of Ryo sends him into a worrying fit. But it’s hard for him to be in anything but a worrying fit, because even though it’s his apartment, there are a lot of things in it that remind him of Ryo.
Shige doesn’t look at his phone for days - he turns it off, actually - and goes to class in a daze. Thankfully, he doesn’t see Kenta anywhere on campus. His friends ask if he’s sick, if something’s wrong, but Shige just waves them off and they all figure Shige’s mature enough to fix his problems on his own.
He knows he’s avoiding Ryo, and that it’s not really helping the situation. He misses Ryo, but he doesn’t know what to do. The argument about the drama kiss was left hanging and then what Shige let happen… It’s too much, and Shige can’t think. So, he does what he knows - school work. He drowns himself in it, like before he met Ryo and in the back of his mind, he knows it’s just a matter of time. Ryo’s never left him alone for very long.
Five days. That’s how long Shige lives like this, and it only ends because Ryo appears on campus, incognito of course, but Shige knows Ryo, so it’s quite simple to pick him out of a crowd. The trouble is that Ryo knows Shige in the same way, so just as Shige’s running away, Ryo gives chase. Shige’s too frantic to use his knowledge of the neighborhood to his advantage. He hides in an obvious spot and Ryo easily finds him.
“Shige. Where have you been?”
Shige presses his face into his knees.
“I’ve been calling for days. And I know you haven't run out of minutes yet.”
Shige’s trembling a little bit, but he’s not sure if Ryo can tell.
“… Are you still mad about the drama?”
Shige shakes his head and Ryo’s hands are on his shoulders.
“Let’s go then. My car’s near here.”
Shige won’t get up, and Ryo’s at too awkward of an angle to pull him up.
“Shige, c’mon. Let’s go.”
“Ryo-chan.”
He runs a hand over Shige’s head. “That’s me.”
Shige's chest is tight and he knows he can't lie to Ryo. “After… After I left… I hung out… with a friend, and-”
Ryo’s hand stops, and Shige feels him stiffen. “And what?”
Shige presses his face further into his knees, and he chokes out, “And I… I let him kiss me.”
Ryo’s hand disappears.
Ryo's angry OR Ryo's speechless
“You what?!”
Shige winces from the sound.
“Why the fuck would you let him do that?!”
Shige’s too scared to look up and he’s fighting to control himself. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
“Is this some kind of fucking revenge?!”
“No!” And Shige’s curling up even tighter into himself.
“Dammit, Shige! Why would you let some one else do that when you know you’re mine?!”
Shige freezes, and dares to look up. “What?”
“Get up.” Ryo sounds mad, but he hauls Shige up by his arm. “We’re going the fuck home.”
Ryo drags him for a block and a half and then shoves him into the car. Shige’s too frightened to do much else but sit and listen to Ryo’s angry rambling and hope his road rage doesn’t get them both killed. When they get to the apartment, Ryo starts tearing at Shige’s clothes, and Shige pushes him away in horror.
“Please!” He’s choking up a little. “Not like this!”
“You’re not fucking keep them!”
Shige looks at Ryo, and thinks, maybe, they’re not talking about the same thing. “What?”
“You’re not keeping the fucking clothes that other man touched! I’m throwing them out!”
Shige thinks he’s getting off pretty easy, considering he first thought Ryo was going to leave him for good, and then that he was going to do something of a dubious nature. So Shige starts taking off his clothes, not bothering to fold them, since he’s half certain Ryo’s going to burn them in the sink. He hands them to Ryo and bids a silent farewell to his favorite belt. Shige’s standing in Ryo’s living room in nothing but his underwear, Ryo is frowning and holding his clothes. After a moment, Ryo points at Shige’s underwear.
Shige blushes. “He didn’t-“
“I don’t care.” Ryo’s tone is serious. “You were wearing them when he fucking touched you. They’re not staying either.”
Shige steps towards the bedroom, where he has a few pairs of clean underwear, and Ryo doesn’t make any complaint. He doesn’t follow either when Shige goes inside and comes out a second later in a different pair. Ryo snatches the underwear out of Shige’s hand and leaves the apartment. Shige goes back to the bedroom and dresses.
The door clicks and Ryo’s back, looking satisfied. “There. It’s behind us.”
“Ryo-chan?”
He smiles back at Shige. “We’re okay.”
And then it’s like a heavy, horrible weight has been lifted from his shoulders, and Shige feels like its okay to breathe again.
END
“Ryo-chan, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I let it happen. I’m sorry.”
Shige hears Ryo take a step back and Shige doesn’t know what else to say, so he waits for Ryo to do something, to say something. He doesn’t talk though, and Shige figures it’s probably from the shock. Ryo moves - Shige can hear him walking away - and then he’s alone. Shige’s heart aches and he wants to cry.
He manages to find his way back to his apartment, but he’s so exhausted, emotionally, to do anything but lie on the floor. He doesn’t even have the energy, or will, to turn on the old radio and find something to listen to. Shige’s sure that everything’s over. He was unreasonable and did something stupid, so he can’t really blame Ryo, even though it hurts. He’s not even worried about all the stuff he has at Ryo’s place that he’ll probably never get back. He’s miserable and sullen for hours, but surprisingly late that night, he gets a call.
“R-Ryo-chan?”
“Shige.”
“.. I’m sorry.”
“I know.”
They’re both silent and Shige’s terrified, but he can’t think of anything to say. Ryo breaks the silence.
“You were upset, so-“
“I didn’t mean for it to happen! It just- It just did. And it felt gross.”
“Gross.”
“… Because it was some other guy.”
“Then, it’s not a habit for you. To consider others.”
“Never!”
“Shige, something like this - this whole thing - can’t happen every time I get cast. I’m an actor too.”
Shige realizes for the first time how awful Ryo sounds; his voice is hoarse and rough.
“I can accept you not liking it, but you have to understand. This is my job. This is what I do. And there’s no room for compromise about it. Not between the higher-ups and me. Not between you and me.”
“O-okay.”
“We both just have to deal with it, Shige, and it’ll make my life a lot less stressful if I know I don’t have to worry about getting into this with you every time.”
“Okay.”
Pause.
“I’m sorry.”
“I know.”
Ryo says goodnight and hangs up and Shige sighs. The whole conversation was awkward and hard, but he has to admit, it feels better to have done it. There’s no more heavy guilt sitting in his belly, gnawing away at what self-confidence he does have. Ryo seemed like he’d been just as miserable for the past several hours, upset about it, but not really angry. (Shige’s pretty sure though that Ryo threw a crazy rage tantrum at some point - it is Ryo, after all.) They each stay at their own places that night, mostly because both still want a little space. Tomorrow is a new day though, and they’ll get a new start.
END
He’s staring at the ceiling, and some how, it doesn’t look familiar. He sits up and realizes he’s not in his apartment at all, which makes him panic a little, but he sees Kenta sleeping a few feet away and remembers he went came over here last night after.
After the fight with Ryo, and Shige groans.
Certainly, drinking his worries and problems away with an acquaintance/friend wasn’t so horrible, but his hangover is awful and all Shige wants to do is sleep for a very long time. He grabs his bag and stumbles out of Kenta’s apartment, taking several minutes outside the door to gather his bearings and figure out which direction would lead to his own apartment. Shige has to stop a couple times on the way over because his head is hurting so bad and leans against buildings. People on the street give him strange looks, but Shige’s used to that, so it doesn’t bother him. When he’s home, he drinks cold water straight out of the pitcher in the fridge, because he remembers some one telling him that a hangover is just extreme dehydration. He lies down on the floor, lights off, blinds drawn with the pitcher next to him and he tries to sleep.
Some time, there’s a light knocking on his door, but it sounds like cannons going off and Shige throws an arm over his face. The knocking stops for a second, and then starts up again. Shige yells, incoherently. There’s a scratching noise, something rattling, and then he hears the telltale sound of his front door creaking open. Shige bolts up, grabbing the pitcher, in case he needs to throw it at the intruder. But it’s just Ryo, and he’s slipping a card back into his wallet.
“Did you just jimmy my door?” Shige’s hoarse, and it’s a little painful to talk. He drinks from the pitcher again.
“Oh, that’s attractive. And yes, it’s not my fault you have a crappy door.”
“Why are you here?”
Ryo closes the door and comes in, but stays at the boundary between the kitchen and the living room. “I figured you’d need to be checked-in on. I was right.”
Shige drinks again and Ryo gets a strange look on his face. He comes closer and sits next to Shige on the floor and reaches out with a hand, moving Shige’s chin up and to the side. Shige feels the hand tighten around his chin, and he makes a little complaining noise.
“What the fuck is this?”
“What?” Shige’s squirming.
Ryo removes his hand, but drags Shige into a standing position and pushes him into the bathroom. Ryo comes in too, and it’s cramped.
He points at Shige’s neck. “The fucking hickey on your neck that wasn’t there last night when you left.”
Shige tilts his head, slowly, like he’s afraid, but it’s there - a small bruise, halfway between his shoulder and his ear. He can’t stop looking at it, like a car accident. The bathroom’s cramped and Ryo’s anger is palpable, but they both keep standing there - like if they do, it’ll magically disappear.
“You whore.”
Shige is suddenly terrified, and turns as much as he can. “Ryo, I swear I didn’t!”
“What the fuck do you know?” Ryo steps out of the bathroom, fuming in the living room. “You’re either lying or you drank so much that you don’t fucking remember so you can’t swear you didn’t! Fuck, Shige!”
“I’d know if I did that, and I didn’t!”
“What’s wrong with you?! Is this your fucking revenge about the drama?”
Shige stops, because he doesn’t completely know the answer.
“It fucking is! What did you do?!”
Shige moves into the living room. “I’m sorry! I was drinking with a friend, and, and - I don’t remember! I woke up on the kitchen floor!”
Ryo’s eyes are hard. “Were your pants on?”
“Wha- Yes! Even drunk, I wouldn’t let some one do that.”
Shige finally can’t take it any more and sits down on the floor, pulling the pitcher closer and drinking again. His head hurts more and he feels dirty, like how he used to feel every night when he got back. He’d forgotten how much it hurt. Ryo’s still standing on the other side of the room, arms crossed, glaring.
“Bring drunk doesn’t absolve you, Shige. This is a lot worse for me than the drama kiss will be for you.”
He nods, holding the pitcher close.
Ryo moves, past Shige back into the bathroom. Bottles are bumped together, and even that noise seems loud to Shige. He comes back, holding out a pill to Shige, who takes it and swallows it.
“I can’t believe you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t drink so much.”
“I won’t.”
Ryo reaches down, taking the pitcher and pushing Shige’s shoulders. “Sleep it off.”
So he does.
END
Shige’s head is pounding and he doesn’t want to move, or open his eyes, even existing right now doesn’t seem that great. He remembers drinking with Kenta, and calling Ryo and passing out on the living room floor. And he’s a little surprised - it’s a very comfortable living room floor. Almost mattress like.
Shige stops, and realizes that’s something very odd to think about a living room floor, so he cracks open an eye. He instantly knows he’s not in Kenta’s living room any more. The dark chestnut dresser and broken closet door he knows by heart - it’s Ryo’s room. Shige rolls over, with much effort (he is hung over after all), and sees Ryo sprawled out on his side, arm hanging over the edge of the bed. Shige knows he wasn’t so drunk as to black-out part of the night, but he can’t figure out how he got to Ryo’s apartment.
Ryo takes that moment to roll over, and nearly smacks Shige in the face with a hand. Shige punches him on the shoulder and Ryo wakes up.
“Batterer.”
“How did I get here?” Shige’s throat is dry and his voice sounds strained.
Ryo fidgets, getting more comfortable, “I went to get you. Obviously.”
“…Why?”
“Cause you were ridiculously drunk. I had to call your phone back and that Kenta guy told me where to go. I had to carry you to the car.”
“What?!”
“You were hard to carry; you’re heavier than you look. Lose some weight. My back’s gonna hurt today.”
Shige hits Ryo with a pillow. “Well, you should eat more. I don’t even know how much times I’ve nearly put out an eye because of your bony limbs.”
Ryo hits Shige back, and then Shige grabs his arm, gently. “I’m not mad any more.”
Ryo resists a grin, and cocks his head. “You were mad?”
Shige frowns. “Buy me lunch.”
Ryo laughs and agrees.
END
Shige’s lying on the floor, staring at the ceiling, trying to will away the erratic pounding in his head. Tiny men with jackhammers hard at work. He’s a little embarrassed at himself - calling Ryo drunk. He can’t remember clearly what he’d said, but Shige’s sure it wasn’t anything eloquent. Probably, if anything, it just irritated Ryo.
Shige sits up and looks at Kenta spread out on the couch.
Continue down to Shige on his own OR A phone call
“What a crappy host.”
Shige gets up and debates raiding Kenta’s bathroom cabinet for pain killers, but he decides not to, instead grabbing his bag and quietly closing the door behind him. The sun’s bright and Shige feels like it’s judging him. He holds a hand up in front of his face to block the light and takes his time getting home. The fresh air is nice and makes him feel a little better. In the courtyard, there are some kids playing, but they ignore Shige, and he’s fine with that.
Inside, Shige doesn’t even bother pulling out the futon - he collapses on the tatami mats and falls asleep.
He wakes up a long time later, having slept away most of the day and now feels much better. He eats a sandwich and drinks cups of water, and Shige’s back to being Shige. Before he even realizes what he’s doing, Shige’s exchanging things out of his bag, grabbing his keys and leaving.
Continue
Shige’s debating throwing a bottle at Kenta - what kind of host let’s his guest sleep on the floor without even a blanket? - but he can hear his phone buzzing some where in the room and he starts looking for it. He finds it on the other side of the couch, half covered by a jacket. Ryo’s name is flashing on the screen and Shige answers it.
“Where are you?”
Ryo sounds angry and concerned and sad, but it’s loud in Shige’s ear and he winces. “Quiet. My head hurts.”
“Serves you right.”
Shige groans.
“You suck at drinking.”
“Yes, I’ve been told that.” And Shige rubs his face.
“I can come get you, but you have you to tell me now, cause I have a taping today.”
Shige looks at Kenta, and thinks about going back to his apartment - he’s not even sure if there are any pain killers there - and it’s an easy decision. “I guess you can come get me.”
“I’ll be at the usual place.” And Ryo hang ups.
Shige frowns - the usual place is a few blocks away, closer to his apartment. He takes his time getting up and finding his stuff that was strewn about Kenta’s, since it’s going to take Ryo around half-an-hour to get there. Shige ends up waiting outside the little post office. He climbs into the car and turns off the radio, which Ryo had on loudly.
“Who said you could-“
“Hang over trumps everything.”
The ride back is quiet, since Shige doesn’t want to aggravate his headache with any sort of noise, and Ryo at least appears to have taken some pity on him. At Ryo’s complex, he drops Shige off, saying he’s already a little late for the call. The doorman looks at Shige strangely, but lets him in. He flops on the couch and spends the day zoned out and half asleep.
Continue
RATING: G - PG-13 (depending)
PAIRING: Ryo/Shige
NOTES: Whore!verse. So, when I little, there was a whole fad of those make-your-own ending books. Where, as the reader you control the actions of the protagonist. Ie, “Go up the stairs, turn to page 46. Go down the stairs, turn to page 57.” I had almost 30 hours worth of flights recently. I was bored and had plenty of time to make one of my own. (I’m not sure if this makes me dedicated or freakish.)
WARNING Be careful how far down you scroll! Try not to get too far ahead of where you are, otherwise you might get into a part that isn’t connected to what you’re reading! I’ll try to leave a lot of space between sections, just in case.
Ryo hasn’t had much in terms of drama parts recently, but he’s not too upset with that. Kanjani8 has been doing very well, and if he was filming constantly, he’d just be stressed out all the time like Kamenashi is. So Ryo happily goes along with his schedule and what free time he’s given. However, he’s getting more popular and more producers are calling, asking about Ryo’s schedule and if he’d have time, for even just an appearance in a single episode. At first, his manager politely declines; telling them there simply isn’t time for something like that right now. But as more of the inquiries come in, it gets harder to say ‘no’ and Johnny gets involved. He looks through the various requests and picks one for Ryo.
It’s just a guest appearance in one episode, nothing huge, it’ll easily fit into his schedule. Filming will probably only be a day or two. But when the script is put into Ryo’s hand and he reads it, he thinks there might be a problem. Except he can’t tell any one about it.
Ryo has to kiss a girl, on the lips.
He groans, knowing this isn’t going to be a fun situation. For any one.
He knows this is something he’ll have to break to Shige before the episode actually airs, because if Shige’s sees it, he’ll just get more insecure, which is endearing, but only up to a certain point. And when Ryo imagines the conversation, it never goes well.
They’re sitting together on the couch, and Ryo doesn’t even realize what channel it is until the Zoomin Evening Feature comes on. He starts swearing in his head and prays they don’t mention the drama, since he hasn’t talked with Shige about it. Of course, they mention it. In great detail.
Shige’s face lights up and he turns to Ryo. “You didn’t tell me you were having a guest appearance! I’ve only ever gotten to see your dramas on DVD.”
“Um-”
“I’m so excited to watch it!”
Ryo sighs. “You don’t want to watch it.”
“No, I do.”
Shige’s smiling more broadly than he’s ever seen and Ryo feels like an ass.
“You really. Really aren’t going to want to watch it.”
Shige laughs. “Do you have an embarrassing character?”
Ryo leans back on the couch. “I have to kiss a girl.”
Scroll down for 'Shige says a lot about it' OR Shige says only a little
Like Ryo expected, Shige’s face drops. “What?”
“It’s part of the script. Shige, I don’t like it any more than you do.”
“Why’d you accept the part?!”
Ryo’s surprised by Shige’s tone. “Um, I didn’t. Johnny did. And what he decides is law. I can’t fight it, Shige. I just have to hope the scene doesn’t take too long.”
Shige’s frowning, looking angry and like he’s about to cry at the same time. “You certainly don’t seem concerned about this.”
Ryo swallows. “I’ve known… for a week.”
“What?! And you didn’t tell me!”
“I didn’t know how!”
Shige crosses his arms and glares at the TV, and Ryo’s worried that he’s going to storm out and he’s going to have this hanging over his head forever.
“Shige, It's-“
“Your job,” Shige’s grumbling, and of course, he’s not happy. Not at all.
Shige stays OR Shige makes an excuse to leave
Shige’s still and when he speaks, it’s with disbelief. “What?”
“It’s in the script. It… can’t be changed.”
Shige looks away, obviously upset. Ryo had honestly been expecting a different kind of response, something more vocal and angry about the news, but Shige seems to be taking it well enough.
Ryo reaches out, running a hand down Shige’s arm. “I don’t like it. But it’s out of my control.”
Shige buries his face in his hands. “It’s your job.”
“Yeah.” And Ryo puts his head on Shige’s shoulder.
Shige is a pretty accepting person, and even though the news hurts, he knows that Ryo’s telling the truth when he says it’s out of his control. Ryo wouldn’t choose to do something like this. He wouldn’t voluntarily smack their relationship in the face. But knowing that doesn’t make it any easier.
Shige tries to make Ryo jealous OR Shige makes an excuse to leave
They’re quiet for a while, and neither of them is relaxed. The feature moves on, talking about other things and Ryo wants to turn the TV off, but he’s afraid of moving. Like the movement will break something fragile. Shige doesn’t say much for the rest of the night - it’s painfully obvious that he’s angry and it’s going to be a while before he lets go of it. Part of Ryo is a little happy that Shige’s jealous, but then he remembers it’s not jealousy, it’s anger, and he feels guilty.
Shige never leaves though, which astonishes Ryo - he’s not sure he’d do the same thing in this situation. He does leave for a short time though, but all he did was go down to the convenience store and get some snacks and a few magazines. He stretches out on the couch, leaving no room for Ryo, eating chips and lazily flipping through the pages, stopping every so often. Ryo’s forced to sit at the kitchen table, but he’s at Shige’s back, able to see the magazine pages too.
Ryo messages back and forth with a few people, occasionally looking towards Shige, trying to think of something really good to say that’ll smooth everything over. But nothing’s really prepared him this. After the sixth or seventh time of looking over Shige’s shoulder at the magazine, he realizes something - all Shige’s doing is looking, intently, at the ads, especially ones with girls showing a lot of skin. Ryo leans to the side a little bit, to get a look at Shige’s face, and Ryo can’t help the choked laugh he lets out - Shige looks so bored.
Shige turns around, and Ryo laughs out loud, because Shige’s trying to glare, but he’s not very good at it, because it’s Shige.
“What?”
Ryo shakes his head. “You’re hilarious sometimes.”
Shige stays OR Shige leaves
Shige frowns and looks upset, closing the magazine and throwing it on the floor.
“I can’t believe you bought that!”
“Shut up, Ryo!”
And Shige gets up, going to the bathroom and slamming the door shut. Ryo hears the shower turn on, and Shige stays in there for a long time.
It’s late when Ryo’s in bed and he feels it dip on the other side where Shige’s getting in. He rolls over.
“Shige.”
“I’m still mad at you.”
“I know.” Ryo scoots closer, next to Shige. “I still think you’re hilarious.”
Shige pushes at Ryo, but it’s half-hearted, and they both know it.
Ryo laughs. “And adorable.”
(continue down to next part)
The next day, Ryo’s interview is broadcast. The host does nothing but talk about his part in the show and can’t shut up about the kiss. Ryo prays Shige isn’t watching, because it’ll just start the argument up all over again.
“Are you looking forward to the kiss, Nishikido-kun?”
“Um…”
“Eh?! Are you hesitating! How unlike you!”
“Well, it’s just, kind of awkward.” Ryo rubs the back of his head. “Not kissing in general, but kissing some one you don’t like, who you’re not with… it’s kind of awkward, isn’t it? It’s hard too, as an actor. To fake an emotion like love. It’s really hard with kisses.”
“What if it’s some one you like?”
“Oh, well in that case it’s easy. Very easy.” The girls in the audience scream. “Because it’s a genuine action and emotion. If it’s some one I like, I could go on kissing forever.”
The girls in the audience die hearing that.
Ryo comes back that day from work and Shige’s doing his homework on the couch. Ryo sighs, so happy.
“Shige?”
“Yes?”
Ryo sits down next to him, faces close. “You’re really easy to kiss.”
Shige blushes and Ryo nuzzles his neck.
END
Shige throws the magazine on the floor. “Shut up, Nishikido!”
Ryo winces a little, both from the tone and the distance - Shige’s hasn’t called him Nishikido in a while. And the next thing he knows, the front door is slamming closed, and he’s alone.
(continue down)
Shige goes home and sulks. He tries reading, but he’s still too angry to focus, and there’s not really anything else to do at his place. He turns on his old radio and lies on the floor, listening to the music and trying to calm down, but he’s not doing so well. His sleep is restless - he can’t seem to get the news out of his head.
There are bags under this eyes, and all this friends comment about it, since Shige’s usually so well rested. He shrugs, never giving a real reason, but they never press him for one. Classes drag on forever and when he’s finally done for the day, he buys a smoothie on the way home to celebrate. He’s home for about five minutes before there’s knocking on his door. No one comes to his apartment except for himself and his landlord when the rent’s due, and he paid that last week.
Shige opens the door, fearing blackmail from his landlord, but it’s just Ryo, wearing giant sunglasses and hat covering most of his head. Shige doesn’t move to let him in.
“There are paparazzi all over my place.”
Shige stiffens. “Why?”
“There’s nothing happening today. They always want random shots of idols.”
Shige looks over Ryo’s shoulder, and then steps back. “Fine. Get in.”
Shige starts putting away the things from his bags, but Ryo’s still in the genkan.
“Um, Shige?”
“What?”
Ryo steps out. “Did you see my interview today?”
“No. I had class.”
Ryo frowns. “Fuckin’ class. I was brilliant.”
Shige basically ignores him.
Ryo moves over to Shige. “Here’s a deal: To make up for the one drama kiss, I’ll kiss you whenever you want. Anytime, anywhere. Even if I’ll be shooting myself in the foot, career wise.”
Shige turns. “What?”
Ryo laughs and wraps his arms around Shige’s waist. “It’s Shige or nothing.”
Shige regards Ryo and then laughs too. “It’s Ryo or nothing.”
END
Shige’s still for a while, and Ryo’s worried, because he’s never really seen Shige angry, so he doesn’t know what to expect.
“I have a lot of work tonight.”
“...Do it then.”
Shige stands up. “I can’t focus here. I’m going home.”
“Wha- Shige!”
But he’s already gathering his things together, including the giant pile of books that have accumulated at Ryo’s. He balances them all together and heads for the door - all while Ryo sits on the couch, watching with a horrified look on his face. The door closes and the apartment’s quiet for once. Ryo’s terrified about the future.
Shige goes home OR scroll down to 'Shige runs into a friend'.
Shige radiates rage the whole way home, and people move of out this way on the sidewalk and when he gets on the bus.
As he’s about to go into the courtyard of his apartment building, he hears some one call his name. He figures it’s Ryo and keeps going. But there’s a hand on his shoulder, and when he turns to yell, it’s not Ryo.
It’s Kenta, a school acquaintance - they’ve had several classes together even though their not in the same department. Shige knows he lives nearby.
“Katou-kun! I haven’t seen you all semester! How are you?”
Shige’s not really in the mood to deal with Kenta right now, but he also doesn’t want to seem rude, so he puts on a fake smile and talks with him on the sidewalk.
Some how, they end up going back to Kenta’s place and having a few drinks. They complain about past professors and other students, and overall, Shige thinks the night has turned out alright, considering the bomb Ryo dropped on him.
“Katou-kun, I have to admit something.”
“Eh? What?” Shige’s voice is slurring.
“My girlfriend broke up with me, right in the middle of our date earlier today.”
“That bitch.”
“Tell me about it. Anyways, I really just needed some one to hang out with tonight and you were walking right in front of me.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Shige lifts his beer up. “I’m having a good time with you. Why haven’t we ever done this before?”
“Fuck if I know. Hey, you got any one right now?”
Shige stops, and stares intently at the floor. “I’m not sure.”
Shige does something stupid OR Shige does something less stupid
“Oh, ‘it’s complicated’.”
“Fuck.” Shige downs the rest of his beer. “I’m going to find out right now.”
And Shige drops the bottle and crawls over to his bag and fishes out his phone. Getting it out and dialing Ryo’s number was more of an effort than usual.
Ring. Ri-
“Sh-“
“Ryo!”
“Ryo? Isn’t that a dude’s name?” Kenta says in the background, but Shige ignores him.
“What the hell is going on?!”
“Uh, you’re drunk dialing me?”
“Yes, I am!”
Kenta laughs.
“Who’s there with you?”
“What do you care! Ryo, don’t fuckin’ kiss her!”
“Shige, where are you? I’ll come get you. And who’s there with you?”
“I am a grown man and I have friends and I don’t need,” Shige pauses here for several seconds, and Kenta yells something again in the background, “to be taken care of!”
“Shige! Who the fuck are you with?!”
“My friend!”
And Shige means to yell more into the phone, like it will accomplish anything, but his head is spinning and he wonders if it’s the alcohol. Ryo’s still asking him things, and Kenta’s asking him if he’s alright. Shige has enough of a mind to close his phone, but throws it to Kenta for some reason.
“I think I should sleep.”
Kenta nods. “Yeah. Dude, you can’t hold booze worth shit.”
And Shige promptly passes out on Kenta’s floor.
Shige wakes up to a surprise OR Shige wakes up to something expected
“You’re not sure?”
“We got into a fight. And I left. Cause he’s gonna be on TV, but he’s gotta kiss this girl and I didn’t like it.”
“Wait, dude. ‘He’? Seriously? You’re gay?”
Shige looks at Kenta, carefully. “I don’t know. And I’m not sure we know each other well enough for you to ask that.”
Kenta nods. “Yeah, probably not. That was a weird part of the conversation.”
Shige falls backwards. “Fuckin’ Ryo. Doing all this fuckin’ shit I don’t like.”
“How far have you guy’s gone?”
“Waaaay too personal.”
“Ew! Wait! I just thought of something! Does his stubble scratch you when you guys kiss? Ahh, I can’t believe I thought that!” Kenta’s laughing.
Shige frowns. “No. It doesn’t.”
“Dude, it must. When you’re suckin’ face. There’s stubble. Ow.”
“You’re an idiot. Totally wrong.”
“Then let’s fuckin’ see.”
And suddenly, Kenta’s face is all that Shige can see, and there are lips on his, and the only thing Shige can think is, Where’s Ryo? Shige doesn’t really move, or participate in the kiss - he doesn’t think Kenta’s that great looking, and it feels weird to kiss some one else. Kenta’s lips are gone, but there’s breathing along his neck, and Shige’s still wondering where Ryo is, because no one else should be doing this.
The rest of the night is a blur, but when Shige wakes up on the kitchen floor, he’s fully clothed and he feels at least a little relieved. His head is pounding and his throat is dry.
Shige remembers OR Shige's doesn't remember
He feels like throwing up.
Not so much because of the hang over; much more because he remembers. He remembers the feeling of Kenta’s lips on his, and it’s disgusting just to think about it. He sees his bag near the door, and grabs it, running out of the apartment.
He’s not completely familiar with the neighborhood, but he starts recognizing stores and buildings and gets home soon enough. He falls to the floor once he’s inside, still feeling nauseous. He crawls into the bathroom and turns the water on, as hot as it will go and scrubs. His breathing is short, and he can’t seem to stop shaking. His skin is red from the heat and irritation, but Shige can’t stop. He feels like it’s written all over his skin and he’s terrified of Ryo finding out.
He gets out of the shower when all the hot water is gone. His phone is beeping at him - he’s got a voicemail, if not several - but Shige won’t look. Anything reminding him of Ryo sends him into a worrying fit. But it’s hard for him to be in anything but a worrying fit, because even though it’s his apartment, there are a lot of things in it that remind him of Ryo.
Shige doesn’t look at his phone for days - he turns it off, actually - and goes to class in a daze. Thankfully, he doesn’t see Kenta anywhere on campus. His friends ask if he’s sick, if something’s wrong, but Shige just waves them off and they all figure Shige’s mature enough to fix his problems on his own.
He knows he’s avoiding Ryo, and that it’s not really helping the situation. He misses Ryo, but he doesn’t know what to do. The argument about the drama kiss was left hanging and then what Shige let happen… It’s too much, and Shige can’t think. So, he does what he knows - school work. He drowns himself in it, like before he met Ryo and in the back of his mind, he knows it’s just a matter of time. Ryo’s never left him alone for very long.
Five days. That’s how long Shige lives like this, and it only ends because Ryo appears on campus, incognito of course, but Shige knows Ryo, so it’s quite simple to pick him out of a crowd. The trouble is that Ryo knows Shige in the same way, so just as Shige’s running away, Ryo gives chase. Shige’s too frantic to use his knowledge of the neighborhood to his advantage. He hides in an obvious spot and Ryo easily finds him.
“Shige. Where have you been?”
Shige presses his face into his knees.
“I’ve been calling for days. And I know you haven't run out of minutes yet.”
Shige’s trembling a little bit, but he’s not sure if Ryo can tell.
“… Are you still mad about the drama?”
Shige shakes his head and Ryo’s hands are on his shoulders.
“Let’s go then. My car’s near here.”
Shige won’t get up, and Ryo’s at too awkward of an angle to pull him up.
“Shige, c’mon. Let’s go.”
“Ryo-chan.”
He runs a hand over Shige’s head. “That’s me.”
Shige's chest is tight and he knows he can't lie to Ryo. “After… After I left… I hung out… with a friend, and-”
Ryo’s hand stops, and Shige feels him stiffen. “And what?”
Shige presses his face further into his knees, and he chokes out, “And I… I let him kiss me.”
Ryo’s hand disappears.
Ryo's angry OR Ryo's speechless
“You what?!”
Shige winces from the sound.
“Why the fuck would you let him do that?!”
Shige’s too scared to look up and he’s fighting to control himself. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
“Is this some kind of fucking revenge?!”
“No!” And Shige’s curling up even tighter into himself.
“Dammit, Shige! Why would you let some one else do that when you know you’re mine?!”
Shige freezes, and dares to look up. “What?”
“Get up.” Ryo sounds mad, but he hauls Shige up by his arm. “We’re going the fuck home.”
Ryo drags him for a block and a half and then shoves him into the car. Shige’s too frightened to do much else but sit and listen to Ryo’s angry rambling and hope his road rage doesn’t get them both killed. When they get to the apartment, Ryo starts tearing at Shige’s clothes, and Shige pushes him away in horror.
“Please!” He’s choking up a little. “Not like this!”
“You’re not fucking keep them!”
Shige looks at Ryo, and thinks, maybe, they’re not talking about the same thing. “What?”
“You’re not keeping the fucking clothes that other man touched! I’m throwing them out!”
Shige thinks he’s getting off pretty easy, considering he first thought Ryo was going to leave him for good, and then that he was going to do something of a dubious nature. So Shige starts taking off his clothes, not bothering to fold them, since he’s half certain Ryo’s going to burn them in the sink. He hands them to Ryo and bids a silent farewell to his favorite belt. Shige’s standing in Ryo’s living room in nothing but his underwear, Ryo is frowning and holding his clothes. After a moment, Ryo points at Shige’s underwear.
Shige blushes. “He didn’t-“
“I don’t care.” Ryo’s tone is serious. “You were wearing them when he fucking touched you. They’re not staying either.”
Shige steps towards the bedroom, where he has a few pairs of clean underwear, and Ryo doesn’t make any complaint. He doesn’t follow either when Shige goes inside and comes out a second later in a different pair. Ryo snatches the underwear out of Shige’s hand and leaves the apartment. Shige goes back to the bedroom and dresses.
The door clicks and Ryo’s back, looking satisfied. “There. It’s behind us.”
“Ryo-chan?”
He smiles back at Shige. “We’re okay.”
And then it’s like a heavy, horrible weight has been lifted from his shoulders, and Shige feels like its okay to breathe again.
END
“Ryo-chan, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I let it happen. I’m sorry.”
Shige hears Ryo take a step back and Shige doesn’t know what else to say, so he waits for Ryo to do something, to say something. He doesn’t talk though, and Shige figures it’s probably from the shock. Ryo moves - Shige can hear him walking away - and then he’s alone. Shige’s heart aches and he wants to cry.
He manages to find his way back to his apartment, but he’s so exhausted, emotionally, to do anything but lie on the floor. He doesn’t even have the energy, or will, to turn on the old radio and find something to listen to. Shige’s sure that everything’s over. He was unreasonable and did something stupid, so he can’t really blame Ryo, even though it hurts. He’s not even worried about all the stuff he has at Ryo’s place that he’ll probably never get back. He’s miserable and sullen for hours, but surprisingly late that night, he gets a call.
“R-Ryo-chan?”
“Shige.”
“.. I’m sorry.”
“I know.”
They’re both silent and Shige’s terrified, but he can’t think of anything to say. Ryo breaks the silence.
“You were upset, so-“
“I didn’t mean for it to happen! It just- It just did. And it felt gross.”
“Gross.”
“… Because it was some other guy.”
“Then, it’s not a habit for you. To consider others.”
“Never!”
“Shige, something like this - this whole thing - can’t happen every time I get cast. I’m an actor too.”
Shige realizes for the first time how awful Ryo sounds; his voice is hoarse and rough.
“I can accept you not liking it, but you have to understand. This is my job. This is what I do. And there’s no room for compromise about it. Not between the higher-ups and me. Not between you and me.”
“O-okay.”
“We both just have to deal with it, Shige, and it’ll make my life a lot less stressful if I know I don’t have to worry about getting into this with you every time.”
“Okay.”
Pause.
“I’m sorry.”
“I know.”
Ryo says goodnight and hangs up and Shige sighs. The whole conversation was awkward and hard, but he has to admit, it feels better to have done it. There’s no more heavy guilt sitting in his belly, gnawing away at what self-confidence he does have. Ryo seemed like he’d been just as miserable for the past several hours, upset about it, but not really angry. (Shige’s pretty sure though that Ryo threw a crazy rage tantrum at some point - it is Ryo, after all.) They each stay at their own places that night, mostly because both still want a little space. Tomorrow is a new day though, and they’ll get a new start.
END
He’s staring at the ceiling, and some how, it doesn’t look familiar. He sits up and realizes he’s not in his apartment at all, which makes him panic a little, but he sees Kenta sleeping a few feet away and remembers he went came over here last night after.
After the fight with Ryo, and Shige groans.
Certainly, drinking his worries and problems away with an acquaintance/friend wasn’t so horrible, but his hangover is awful and all Shige wants to do is sleep for a very long time. He grabs his bag and stumbles out of Kenta’s apartment, taking several minutes outside the door to gather his bearings and figure out which direction would lead to his own apartment. Shige has to stop a couple times on the way over because his head is hurting so bad and leans against buildings. People on the street give him strange looks, but Shige’s used to that, so it doesn’t bother him. When he’s home, he drinks cold water straight out of the pitcher in the fridge, because he remembers some one telling him that a hangover is just extreme dehydration. He lies down on the floor, lights off, blinds drawn with the pitcher next to him and he tries to sleep.
Some time, there’s a light knocking on his door, but it sounds like cannons going off and Shige throws an arm over his face. The knocking stops for a second, and then starts up again. Shige yells, incoherently. There’s a scratching noise, something rattling, and then he hears the telltale sound of his front door creaking open. Shige bolts up, grabbing the pitcher, in case he needs to throw it at the intruder. But it’s just Ryo, and he’s slipping a card back into his wallet.
“Did you just jimmy my door?” Shige’s hoarse, and it’s a little painful to talk. He drinks from the pitcher again.
“Oh, that’s attractive. And yes, it’s not my fault you have a crappy door.”
“Why are you here?”
Ryo closes the door and comes in, but stays at the boundary between the kitchen and the living room. “I figured you’d need to be checked-in on. I was right.”
Shige drinks again and Ryo gets a strange look on his face. He comes closer and sits next to Shige on the floor and reaches out with a hand, moving Shige’s chin up and to the side. Shige feels the hand tighten around his chin, and he makes a little complaining noise.
“What the fuck is this?”
“What?” Shige’s squirming.
Ryo removes his hand, but drags Shige into a standing position and pushes him into the bathroom. Ryo comes in too, and it’s cramped.
He points at Shige’s neck. “The fucking hickey on your neck that wasn’t there last night when you left.”
Shige tilts his head, slowly, like he’s afraid, but it’s there - a small bruise, halfway between his shoulder and his ear. He can’t stop looking at it, like a car accident. The bathroom’s cramped and Ryo’s anger is palpable, but they both keep standing there - like if they do, it’ll magically disappear.
“You whore.”
Shige is suddenly terrified, and turns as much as he can. “Ryo, I swear I didn’t!”
“What the fuck do you know?” Ryo steps out of the bathroom, fuming in the living room. “You’re either lying or you drank so much that you don’t fucking remember so you can’t swear you didn’t! Fuck, Shige!”
“I’d know if I did that, and I didn’t!”
“What’s wrong with you?! Is this your fucking revenge about the drama?”
Shige stops, because he doesn’t completely know the answer.
“It fucking is! What did you do?!”
Shige moves into the living room. “I’m sorry! I was drinking with a friend, and, and - I don’t remember! I woke up on the kitchen floor!”
Ryo’s eyes are hard. “Were your pants on?”
“Wha- Yes! Even drunk, I wouldn’t let some one do that.”
Shige finally can’t take it any more and sits down on the floor, pulling the pitcher closer and drinking again. His head hurts more and he feels dirty, like how he used to feel every night when he got back. He’d forgotten how much it hurt. Ryo’s still standing on the other side of the room, arms crossed, glaring.
“Bring drunk doesn’t absolve you, Shige. This is a lot worse for me than the drama kiss will be for you.”
He nods, holding the pitcher close.
Ryo moves, past Shige back into the bathroom. Bottles are bumped together, and even that noise seems loud to Shige. He comes back, holding out a pill to Shige, who takes it and swallows it.
“I can’t believe you.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t drink so much.”
“I won’t.”
Ryo reaches down, taking the pitcher and pushing Shige’s shoulders. “Sleep it off.”
So he does.
END
Shige’s head is pounding and he doesn’t want to move, or open his eyes, even existing right now doesn’t seem that great. He remembers drinking with Kenta, and calling Ryo and passing out on the living room floor. And he’s a little surprised - it’s a very comfortable living room floor. Almost mattress like.
Shige stops, and realizes that’s something very odd to think about a living room floor, so he cracks open an eye. He instantly knows he’s not in Kenta’s living room any more. The dark chestnut dresser and broken closet door he knows by heart - it’s Ryo’s room. Shige rolls over, with much effort (he is hung over after all), and sees Ryo sprawled out on his side, arm hanging over the edge of the bed. Shige knows he wasn’t so drunk as to black-out part of the night, but he can’t figure out how he got to Ryo’s apartment.
Ryo takes that moment to roll over, and nearly smacks Shige in the face with a hand. Shige punches him on the shoulder and Ryo wakes up.
“Batterer.”
“How did I get here?” Shige’s throat is dry and his voice sounds strained.
Ryo fidgets, getting more comfortable, “I went to get you. Obviously.”
“…Why?”
“Cause you were ridiculously drunk. I had to call your phone back and that Kenta guy told me where to go. I had to carry you to the car.”
“What?!”
“You were hard to carry; you’re heavier than you look. Lose some weight. My back’s gonna hurt today.”
Shige hits Ryo with a pillow. “Well, you should eat more. I don’t even know how much times I’ve nearly put out an eye because of your bony limbs.”
Ryo hits Shige back, and then Shige grabs his arm, gently. “I’m not mad any more.”
Ryo resists a grin, and cocks his head. “You were mad?”
Shige frowns. “Buy me lunch.”
Ryo laughs and agrees.
END
Shige’s lying on the floor, staring at the ceiling, trying to will away the erratic pounding in his head. Tiny men with jackhammers hard at work. He’s a little embarrassed at himself - calling Ryo drunk. He can’t remember clearly what he’d said, but Shige’s sure it wasn’t anything eloquent. Probably, if anything, it just irritated Ryo.
Shige sits up and looks at Kenta spread out on the couch.
Continue down to Shige on his own OR A phone call
“What a crappy host.”
Shige gets up and debates raiding Kenta’s bathroom cabinet for pain killers, but he decides not to, instead grabbing his bag and quietly closing the door behind him. The sun’s bright and Shige feels like it’s judging him. He holds a hand up in front of his face to block the light and takes his time getting home. The fresh air is nice and makes him feel a little better. In the courtyard, there are some kids playing, but they ignore Shige, and he’s fine with that.
Inside, Shige doesn’t even bother pulling out the futon - he collapses on the tatami mats and falls asleep.
He wakes up a long time later, having slept away most of the day and now feels much better. He eats a sandwich and drinks cups of water, and Shige’s back to being Shige. Before he even realizes what he’s doing, Shige’s exchanging things out of his bag, grabbing his keys and leaving.
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Shige’s debating throwing a bottle at Kenta - what kind of host let’s his guest sleep on the floor without even a blanket? - but he can hear his phone buzzing some where in the room and he starts looking for it. He finds it on the other side of the couch, half covered by a jacket. Ryo’s name is flashing on the screen and Shige answers it.
“Where are you?”
Ryo sounds angry and concerned and sad, but it’s loud in Shige’s ear and he winces. “Quiet. My head hurts.”
“Serves you right.”
Shige groans.
“You suck at drinking.”
“Yes, I’ve been told that.” And Shige rubs his face.
“I can come get you, but you have you to tell me now, cause I have a taping today.”
Shige looks at Kenta, and thinks about going back to his apartment - he’s not even sure if there are any pain killers there - and it’s an easy decision. “I guess you can come get me.”
“I’ll be at the usual place.” And Ryo hang ups.
Shige frowns - the usual place is a few blocks away, closer to his apartment. He takes his time getting up and finding his stuff that was strewn about Kenta’s, since it’s going to take Ryo around half-an-hour to get there. Shige ends up waiting outside the little post office. He climbs into the car and turns off the radio, which Ryo had on loudly.
“Who said you could-“
“Hang over trumps everything.”
The ride back is quiet, since Shige doesn’t want to aggravate his headache with any sort of noise, and Ryo at least appears to have taken some pity on him. At Ryo’s complex, he drops Shige off, saying he’s already a little late for the call. The doorman looks at Shige strangely, but lets him in. He flops on the couch and spends the day zoned out and half asleep.
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