Mi Amigo
TITLE: Mi Amigo
PAIRING: Koya+Shige
RATING: G
WORD COUNT: 1,727
SUMMARY: Shige knows something that Koyama won't tell him.
Sometimes, Shige can't help but look at Koyama with sad eyes.
The man is Shige's best friend, and has been for years. They talk nearly constantly, go on BFF dates and vacations together, lovingly tease each other, and hold no secrets from the other.
Almost.
Shige knows for a fact that Koyama is hiding a huge secret, that he refuses to tell even to Shige. He holds it deep within his heart, and lets no one see a hint of it. But, Shige can see it.
He's seen it for years, even before Koyama probably knew what it was. He saw it when Koyama did realize, and he grew lethargic and troubled for weeks and months on end, and eventually accepted it. He saw it whenever Koyama would let his eyes linger for too long, and he'd get this dreamy-eyed, wishing look. He sees it still, every time Koyama goes to an extra effort to hide it from the world.
Shige knows that Koyama is gay, and it breaks his heart a little bit that his best friend can't trust him enough to say it.
-
If the others in NEWS have noticed it, they haven't said anything, or hinted about knowing, even to Shige. There's no sign in their speech or interactions that betrays any knowledge, and so, to himself, Shige continues on alone, almost like a guardian of Koyama's deep, untold secret.
Sometimes, he wonders how Koyama thinks he can hide it.
When the dance instructor comes, teaching them all the moves, a light sheen of sweat along his brow, and his shirt sticking to his chest, Koyama fights the urge to stare and do something. Shige can see the whole internal fight.
When they're sitting on the train together, and Koyama is flipping through a fashion magazine, he always pauses for a bit too long on the ads with male models. (Shige has noticed that Asians are more Koyama's type than any other.)
When him and Pi sit together and watch music videos of foreign artists, it's obvious to Shige how Koyama has to work to keep himself from just watching their hips roll and the sultry look in their eyes.
It's so plain to see that Shige sees it almost everywhere in his best friend. He knows the truth, and he knows that Koyama has accepted this about himself. And, Shige wonders if Koyama will ever tell him. If Koyama, as the only son of his family, as a Japanese, and as a idol, will marry a good, wholesome girl, have a few kids someday, and live in a sort of misery for never having found his true love. If Koyama will deny himself something so basic, because he must feel like he has no choice.
-
Shige thinks that Koyama might have a crush on the one stylist that works with Johnny's quite a bit.
He's only a year older than Koyama, always dressed to perfection, and his hair style and color changes with the seasons - something flashy like that completely matches with what Shige thinks is Koyama's type. No one besides Shige seems to notice the sparkle in Koyama's eyes and the light flush on his cheeks when the two of them talk, or how Koyama will subtly try and invite him out - just the two of them. But, Tegoshi always finds out, and invites himself along, ignoring Koyama's slight look of disappointment.
It's almost painful for Shige to watch. He wants Koyama to be happy, wants to smack Tegoshi, and tell him to leave those two alone, for at least a few minutes; wants to help Koyama find someone to make him whole, even though Shige isn't sure how well a straight guy could be a gay guy's wingman.
But, that would mean telling Koyama that he knows, that he watched, and figured it out. And, that it's okay. Him being gay doesn't matter, because Koyama is his best friend, and that will always come first.
Shige is smart enough to know he shouldn't though. That saying, "It's all good. Let's go hit up Shinjuku ni-chome for you one of these nights," would terrify, and probably emotionally damage Koyama. He's built an image and shield that he views as perfect. Shige could destroy it with a few well placed, and well meant, words. But, it would hurt Koyama, and that's the last thing Shige wants.
He hates watching Koyama be like this, but he knows there's nothing he can do. He has to wait, and Koyama move at his own pace.
-
There might be one thing that Shige hates more than watching Koyama hide himself from the people that love him.
They're idols, and their job means saying things to make girls swoon and buy four versions of the same single.
It's not a common occurrence, but when an interviewer asks, "What kind of girl would you recommend for Koyama-kun?" Shige wants to strangle him, and say, "Koyama doesn't like girls, you twit."
Shige always ends up answering with something vague like, "someone reliable," or "someone with more grounding, since Koyama is spacey," but most of all, he tries to avoid something feminine - like, "someone with long hair," or, "someone petite."
He wonders if Koyama notices; that Shige purposefully, always, avoids the feminine. He doesn't make any move to acknowledge Shige's choice of words, and the other never call him out on it.
-
The two of them are sitting in the back of a cab together; it's late and they're drunk. The old man up front drives quietly, while Shige and Koyama look up naughty words on the Japanese-Korean dictionary Koyama has on his phone. It's like they're 13 again, giggling over stupid things.
The cab stops outside Koyama's house first.
"Just stay here," Koyama mumbles, yawning. "You know my mom doesn't mind."
"Really?"
"And, I won't have to stay up waiting for your 'I'm home'-text."
Shige nods, and pays the driver.
As quietly as they can, they stumble up the stairs to Koyama's room, change into pajamas (Koyama's are almost too long for Shige), and they both fall asleep on the floor, neither of them properly in their futons.
-
When Shige wakes up, he's alone in Koyama's room, and feels like there's a large handful of cotton balls in his mouth. He sits up, smacking his lips, trying to get rid of the feeling. When he stands, he's only slightly off-balance on his feet, and all he can think about it getting a cup of coffee.
Halfway down the stairs, he can hear talking.
"... Not at all?"
"No, Mom."
"I'm sorry, dear. You seemed to really like that Ruito-kun."
There's a sound of a fork clinking against porcelain, and Shige knows that means Koyama's playing with his food.
"It's not like it would have worked out anyways."
"Kei-chan-"
"I can't afford to go through with something like that."
"Hon.... You can't live forever like this."
A chair scrapes against the floor, and Shige barely hears, "I would ruin us all. I have to hide it."
The living room door creaks open, Koyama's hand visible on the inside handle. Shige pales, still standing on the stairs, directly in front of the door, and while he knows there is nowhere to hide, he still looks for one. But, when the door opens all the way, and Koyama sees Shige, he freezes, breath turning short.
"S-Shige?"
It's almost guiltily that he turns, locking eyes with Koyama.
This isn't at all how Shige wanted to have this talk.
His mother makes some concerned, indistinguishable noise from the kitchen.
"How long have you been there?" Koyama asks, nearly in a whisper.
Shige sits on the closest step, and swallows, still suffering from cotton-mouth. "Long enough."
Koyama's mother steps into the doorway, right behind Koyama, looking terrified and worried.
"Mom, can you give us some time alone?"
"Kei-"
"Please."
Her eyes flash back and forth between her son and Shige, but finally, she steps away. "I was just about to head down and open shop anyways."
Neither Koyama nor Shige speak until they hear his mother downstairs, running the water and chopping things for the broth.
"I'm sorry. You must be upset with me," Koyama says. "I've tried really hard to keep it from all of you."
"Koyama-"
"Please, don't say anything to the others, Shige." Koyama's voice turns tight, like he is actually scared of this moment, and of Shige. "I swear, I wouldn't do anything that would hurt our name as NEWS. I've always been so careful."
"Koyama, shut up," Shige whines, feeling a headache coming on.
"I'm sorry," he says again.
"The only thing you have to apologize for is never trusting me enough to say something."
"But-"
Shige lifts his head, nearly staring Koyama down across the little space between them. "I've known for so long. You're my best friend; I could just tell. But, it really hurt that you couldn't say it. That you didn't think I would help you with this."
Koyama's eyes turn wet. "Shige... You really...."
"You're my best friend," he says, voice firm, and Koyama breaks down, stepping onto the stairs, and smushing himself next to Shige on the little space. Koyama only cries for a few minutes, and Shige rubs his back through it all, gentle, and like all other times when stress caught up with Koyama, and he'd cry a little.
"I'm sorry it didn't work out with Ruito-kun."
Koyama laughs. "He spent two hours asking me how he should propose to his girlfriend."
"It's cause you're so good at hiding it. No one ever picks up on even the little things."
"That's just how it has to be," Koyama says sadly.
"We should go see the pride parade next year."
"Johnny would never allow it."
"We'll figure out some good disguises. I'll be your wingman."
Koyama snorts. "You can't even find yourself a girlfriend, and I'm supposed to trust you with my love life?"
"What about ni-chome?"
"Shige!"
"If Kamenashi and Sakurai-kun can get away with it, I think we can manage."
Koyama breaks down again, but this time, he's laughing so hard he can't help but cry, and bumps his shoulder against Shige's.
Shige smiles, chuckling along with Koyama's crazy-laughing, and feels a truer bond than ever before, where there really is nothing between them.
PAIRING: Koya+Shige
RATING: G
WORD COUNT: 1,727
SUMMARY: Shige knows something that Koyama won't tell him.
Sometimes, Shige can't help but look at Koyama with sad eyes.
The man is Shige's best friend, and has been for years. They talk nearly constantly, go on BFF dates and vacations together, lovingly tease each other, and hold no secrets from the other.
Almost.
Shige knows for a fact that Koyama is hiding a huge secret, that he refuses to tell even to Shige. He holds it deep within his heart, and lets no one see a hint of it. But, Shige can see it.
He's seen it for years, even before Koyama probably knew what it was. He saw it when Koyama did realize, and he grew lethargic and troubled for weeks and months on end, and eventually accepted it. He saw it whenever Koyama would let his eyes linger for too long, and he'd get this dreamy-eyed, wishing look. He sees it still, every time Koyama goes to an extra effort to hide it from the world.
Shige knows that Koyama is gay, and it breaks his heart a little bit that his best friend can't trust him enough to say it.
-
If the others in NEWS have noticed it, they haven't said anything, or hinted about knowing, even to Shige. There's no sign in their speech or interactions that betrays any knowledge, and so, to himself, Shige continues on alone, almost like a guardian of Koyama's deep, untold secret.
Sometimes, he wonders how Koyama thinks he can hide it.
When the dance instructor comes, teaching them all the moves, a light sheen of sweat along his brow, and his shirt sticking to his chest, Koyama fights the urge to stare and do something. Shige can see the whole internal fight.
When they're sitting on the train together, and Koyama is flipping through a fashion magazine, he always pauses for a bit too long on the ads with male models. (Shige has noticed that Asians are more Koyama's type than any other.)
When him and Pi sit together and watch music videos of foreign artists, it's obvious to Shige how Koyama has to work to keep himself from just watching their hips roll and the sultry look in their eyes.
It's so plain to see that Shige sees it almost everywhere in his best friend. He knows the truth, and he knows that Koyama has accepted this about himself. And, Shige wonders if Koyama will ever tell him. If Koyama, as the only son of his family, as a Japanese, and as a idol, will marry a good, wholesome girl, have a few kids someday, and live in a sort of misery for never having found his true love. If Koyama will deny himself something so basic, because he must feel like he has no choice.
-
Shige thinks that Koyama might have a crush on the one stylist that works with Johnny's quite a bit.
He's only a year older than Koyama, always dressed to perfection, and his hair style and color changes with the seasons - something flashy like that completely matches with what Shige thinks is Koyama's type. No one besides Shige seems to notice the sparkle in Koyama's eyes and the light flush on his cheeks when the two of them talk, or how Koyama will subtly try and invite him out - just the two of them. But, Tegoshi always finds out, and invites himself along, ignoring Koyama's slight look of disappointment.
It's almost painful for Shige to watch. He wants Koyama to be happy, wants to smack Tegoshi, and tell him to leave those two alone, for at least a few minutes; wants to help Koyama find someone to make him whole, even though Shige isn't sure how well a straight guy could be a gay guy's wingman.
But, that would mean telling Koyama that he knows, that he watched, and figured it out. And, that it's okay. Him being gay doesn't matter, because Koyama is his best friend, and that will always come first.
Shige is smart enough to know he shouldn't though. That saying, "It's all good. Let's go hit up Shinjuku ni-chome for you one of these nights," would terrify, and probably emotionally damage Koyama. He's built an image and shield that he views as perfect. Shige could destroy it with a few well placed, and well meant, words. But, it would hurt Koyama, and that's the last thing Shige wants.
He hates watching Koyama be like this, but he knows there's nothing he can do. He has to wait, and Koyama move at his own pace.
-
There might be one thing that Shige hates more than watching Koyama hide himself from the people that love him.
They're idols, and their job means saying things to make girls swoon and buy four versions of the same single.
It's not a common occurrence, but when an interviewer asks, "What kind of girl would you recommend for Koyama-kun?" Shige wants to strangle him, and say, "Koyama doesn't like girls, you twit."
Shige always ends up answering with something vague like, "someone reliable," or "someone with more grounding, since Koyama is spacey," but most of all, he tries to avoid something feminine - like, "someone with long hair," or, "someone petite."
He wonders if Koyama notices; that Shige purposefully, always, avoids the feminine. He doesn't make any move to acknowledge Shige's choice of words, and the other never call him out on it.
-
The two of them are sitting in the back of a cab together; it's late and they're drunk. The old man up front drives quietly, while Shige and Koyama look up naughty words on the Japanese-Korean dictionary Koyama has on his phone. It's like they're 13 again, giggling over stupid things.
The cab stops outside Koyama's house first.
"Just stay here," Koyama mumbles, yawning. "You know my mom doesn't mind."
"Really?"
"And, I won't have to stay up waiting for your 'I'm home'-text."
Shige nods, and pays the driver.
As quietly as they can, they stumble up the stairs to Koyama's room, change into pajamas (Koyama's are almost too long for Shige), and they both fall asleep on the floor, neither of them properly in their futons.
-
When Shige wakes up, he's alone in Koyama's room, and feels like there's a large handful of cotton balls in his mouth. He sits up, smacking his lips, trying to get rid of the feeling. When he stands, he's only slightly off-balance on his feet, and all he can think about it getting a cup of coffee.
Halfway down the stairs, he can hear talking.
"... Not at all?"
"No, Mom."
"I'm sorry, dear. You seemed to really like that Ruito-kun."
There's a sound of a fork clinking against porcelain, and Shige knows that means Koyama's playing with his food.
"It's not like it would have worked out anyways."
"Kei-chan-"
"I can't afford to go through with something like that."
"Hon.... You can't live forever like this."
A chair scrapes against the floor, and Shige barely hears, "I would ruin us all. I have to hide it."
The living room door creaks open, Koyama's hand visible on the inside handle. Shige pales, still standing on the stairs, directly in front of the door, and while he knows there is nowhere to hide, he still looks for one. But, when the door opens all the way, and Koyama sees Shige, he freezes, breath turning short.
"S-Shige?"
It's almost guiltily that he turns, locking eyes with Koyama.
This isn't at all how Shige wanted to have this talk.
His mother makes some concerned, indistinguishable noise from the kitchen.
"How long have you been there?" Koyama asks, nearly in a whisper.
Shige sits on the closest step, and swallows, still suffering from cotton-mouth. "Long enough."
Koyama's mother steps into the doorway, right behind Koyama, looking terrified and worried.
"Mom, can you give us some time alone?"
"Kei-"
"Please."
Her eyes flash back and forth between her son and Shige, but finally, she steps away. "I was just about to head down and open shop anyways."
Neither Koyama nor Shige speak until they hear his mother downstairs, running the water and chopping things for the broth.
"I'm sorry. You must be upset with me," Koyama says. "I've tried really hard to keep it from all of you."
"Koyama-"
"Please, don't say anything to the others, Shige." Koyama's voice turns tight, like he is actually scared of this moment, and of Shige. "I swear, I wouldn't do anything that would hurt our name as NEWS. I've always been so careful."
"Koyama, shut up," Shige whines, feeling a headache coming on.
"I'm sorry," he says again.
"The only thing you have to apologize for is never trusting me enough to say something."
"But-"
Shige lifts his head, nearly staring Koyama down across the little space between them. "I've known for so long. You're my best friend; I could just tell. But, it really hurt that you couldn't say it. That you didn't think I would help you with this."
Koyama's eyes turn wet. "Shige... You really...."
"You're my best friend," he says, voice firm, and Koyama breaks down, stepping onto the stairs, and smushing himself next to Shige on the little space. Koyama only cries for a few minutes, and Shige rubs his back through it all, gentle, and like all other times when stress caught up with Koyama, and he'd cry a little.
"I'm sorry it didn't work out with Ruito-kun."
Koyama laughs. "He spent two hours asking me how he should propose to his girlfriend."
"It's cause you're so good at hiding it. No one ever picks up on even the little things."
"That's just how it has to be," Koyama says sadly.
"We should go see the pride parade next year."
"Johnny would never allow it."
"We'll figure out some good disguises. I'll be your wingman."
Koyama snorts. "You can't even find yourself a girlfriend, and I'm supposed to trust you with my love life?"
"What about ni-chome?"
"Shige!"
"If Kamenashi and Sakurai-kun can get away with it, I think we can manage."
Koyama breaks down again, but this time, he's laughing so hard he can't help but cry, and bumps his shoulder against Shige's.
Shige smiles, chuckling along with Koyama's crazy-laughing, and feels a truer bond than ever before, where there really is nothing between them.