rant ;u; (warning; there's some triggering material. read with caution!)

[yixing]

sometimes fandom's capacity for stupidity really amazes me. i mean, i've always thought fandom was dumb (fandumb ahahaha), that's why i created my own fandom bubble in which i took the liberty of picking and choosing which sides of fandom i wanted to see (the pretty parts :3) and doing away with all the nasty bits. and i honestly thought i wa reall good at this, because (for the most part anw o/) my fandom experience has been pretty fucking great. but recently i've noticed that a lot of the really gross parts of fandumb have found their way into my pretty bubble (sobs). now, i shouldn't be so upset right? just do some ~winter cleaning~ or smth, readjust my bubble, secure its thin membrane--but this is a lot harder than it looks? D:

~winter cleaning~ would mean cutting ties with people i genuinely care about and people that i would honestly miss, although i wish they'd go away rn lmao. tbh these people have really been ruining my fandom experience lately. so much so that i've pretty much forced myself into a hiatus because can't ook at my twitter timeline without wanting to throw up a little.

in the past few months i have witnessed:

1. shameless bullying
2. superiority issues (actually, id go as far as to say this is turning into a complex =3=)
3. shameless baiting
4. obvious hypocrisy
5. two-facedness
6. lying
7. cultural insensitivity
8. massive egos (like waaaaaaaaaaaaaay massive, i need a huge needle to pop these giant heads)
9. unapologetic disregard for the delicate nature of certain issues
10. stupidity bolded, italicized, and underlined fo emphasis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

every. other. day. i feel like it's a new issue. i'd say it's not even an exaggeration to say tha everyday is a new issue. i've witnessed so much, this list doesn't eve cover it. m shocked just imagining everything that i haven't witnessed, everything that's happened while i was asleep (and i sleep a lot so.....) D: i mean, people supposedly harming themselves because of ~hate~ that was due to their own callousness and reckless need for attention? what. the. fuck. this fandom has a serious problem. this fandom ha many erious problems. i cant believe it's gone this far, how...fucked up can we all get tbh?????? it's worrying to say the least u___u

let's just say im very tired of compromising my own morals for the sake of appearances and for friendships that obviously mean more to me than to the other parties (ofc the values of these friendships have pretty much taken a nose dive). man im so disappointed tho. i expect to stay in this fandom for a very long time, i'd love it if i could enjoy that time ;___; i guess it's my own fault?? i've been so careless with my "bubble maintenance" ...and now it might be too late :cccc should i move out of this bubble and find a new one? i doubt that'd work either because there's no way i can keep it secret for long.

for the time being i will stick to all the ~official fandom business~, livejournal (fic!!!!!!!!!!! ♥♥♥), and my oldest friends in this fandom ;u;. im sad tho, because there are some friendships that i've made recently that i really want to explore and nurture and stick to but i don't know how to do that without returning to my (now tainted) bubble or moving to a new bubble and taking them with me