Another Girl's Paradise - Sam/Ruby - PG - [1/1]
Title: Another Girl's Paradise
Author: force-oblique
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own anything! :P
Characters/Pairings: Sam/Ruby, Ruby POV
Spoilers/Warnings: General fic - a little speculation, hopefully not spoilerish..
Ruby is on the verge of dying in this...
Summary: How could I ever resist you?
How could I ever deny my heart, desperate as I was to find it again?
How could I ever betray my soul although I had given it up long ago?
Who could resist you when you are desire?
Who could love you and still be standing, Sam?.
Author's Notes: There has been a lot of speculation about Ruby dying and Sam going darkside over her loss. I don't want her to die...but if she did...what would her last thoughts be? I thought.... And this is what came out of it...
~ English is not my native language so excuse any crappiness and/or mistakes!
Lyrics: Another Girl's Paradise - Tori Amos
Dedication:[x]To jenniferkaos: I care for you so much hunni. Never doubt it. Here is your fic. I hope you like it.
Crossposted at: samandruby, sam-ruby, supportsamruby, spn-ruby, spn-gen, wincest-free, moon-hunters, daysofthereaper sn-fic,spn-fics
ANOTHER GIRL'S PARADISE - A RUBY/SAM FICTION -1/1
{How could I resist, you are desire
when all is said said and done
who can love you and still be standing?}
I am dying. I know I am.
It tickles and it stings and it makes the room spin.
It makes me feel like there's a balloon in my stomach about to burst and blow me into a thousand pieces.
Funny, if only for a moment I had thought that this could end differently. You may laugh but at some point I had started to believe that it could work out.
Maybe I am even more human than both of us had thought.
Why else would I ever be stuck in this lovesick high school fantasy?
And now I lie here, whatever remains of me; ready to disappear forever and strangely I have no regrets. I just hope that you won’t have any either.
I had known you were different, special right from the start. I didn’t have to hear all the rumors to realize that you were more than a man. More than human.
I suppose it was easier for me to spot as I was more than human and more than demonic, too. Or maybe that’s what I liked to think.
I sensed your raw power and your hunger for more, even if they were both neatly tucked underneath your veil of righteousness and devotion and loyalty. Not that it made you any less loyal.
On the contrary, it made you more loyal, at least in my eyes, because it takes a lot of effort to know that you have this force sizzling underneath your skin, within your blood stream and still find the will to refuse it.
I think Dean never really appreciated that. Not that he didn’t love you, because the love you both share could be the stuff of legends, but he couldn’t understand the whole of you. He didn’t have the blackness within him to fight, so he couldn’t understand what it felt like, what it meant.
I like to believe that somehow it wasn’t just me who gave her heart away. I like to think that I was the keeper of your heart for some time, too.
And now that I will be gone, I am returning your heart intact, unharmed hoping that this is what you wanted. I never meant to leave any scars on you.
All I wanted was to be a part of you, a part of your thoughts and plans for a while, but when I would be gone forever - and I knew I would be gone at some point - I would be a tender memory in your mind. Something to look back upon with warmth and affection.
I don’t know what you will do when I close these borrowed eyes of mine, darling, but I just hope that you won’t lose your focus.
I don’t want you to get angry. I don’t want you to get mad.
I have always told you that you needed to be calm and collected and never let small things affect you.
You may not want to see it now, but in time you will realize that I am one of the small things. A small thing compared to what you are destined to do, to experience, to live.
Small doesn’t necessarily mean unimportant, though.
Just brief, short in terms of time, but not in terms of emotions invested.
So I have no doubt in my heart that somehow, someway you loved me back.
We were just incapacitated in a way. We were forced to rid ourselves of our humanity and compassion, just so that we would be ready for the war ahead. So that you would be ready for the battles to come.
And hard decisions had to be made. Harder than you had ever dealt with before. I know it wasn't just distasteful but catastrophic to your gentle soul and for that I am sorry. If there was any other way you know by now, that I wouldn't have pushed you this far.
In a sense it was only your wellbeing I had in mind. I am but a roach in everyone's eyes. Nobody cares if I live or die unless I piss off the wrong someones...
And for you, I did.
I am not sure if it made any difference, but I meant it to.
{does it all come down
to the thing one girl fears in the night
is another girl's paradise
through twists and turns}
I had nothing to lose but a pathetic existence before I met you.
But gradually it felt like I was elevating...
Like I was transforming into something that could have carried some meaning, some purpose and for that I will be forever grateful.
Yes, I had nothing to lose then, but now I fear I am parting not only with this world, but with a person that genuinely saw me and didn't just glance at me.
I am parting not only with a meat-costume, a host, but with a life of what-could-have-been, too.
And although I wouldn't have known before you, now I know better and I know that this counts for something.
But I am grateful, Sam, because now I realize this wasn't meant to be, we weren't meant to be. It was only make-believe.
As if someone just pressed “pause” on my misery and I was allowed to experience something positive for once in the horror movie that's been my life.
And I will be eternally thankful to you for pushing that “pause” button.
I only wish I could push the “repeat” button too, because I would do it all again.
But now it's too late...
We weren't meant to be. Now I understand that our time together was borrowed time.
You were never really mine, although I was utterly and unconditionally yours.
You weren't really mine. I just borrowed you for a little while. I borrowed you, I stole you from another girl. The one you are supposed to be with sometime in the future. Maybe the near future, because I neither want nor wish you to wallow or mourn me.
I am not the one. I never was. You know that.
Deep down you must know that and maybe it tears you up, because of the guilt and the remorse. But you should know it wasn't your fault. You couldn't have known.
But I did know. I have known all along that although this was real, it wasn't destined to be.
Although I touched you, you weren't mine to hold.
Although I kissed you, you weren't mine to taste.
Although I stared at you, you weren't my vision to enjoy.
And although I loved you, you weren't MY bliss, you weren't MY paradise to hang on to.
I am not the one.
You may have thought I was, because I was the first to see the whole of you, the power and the hunger and the urge...
The light and the darkness and the dusk in between...
I was the first to hear the screams and the whispers and the moans all at once.
And I didn't flinch, I didn't falter, I didn't run away. I stayed there.
But that wasn't enough. Because if it wasn't me, it would be someone else. It should be someone else. Someone worthy.
I was just the first to notice the unappreciated perfection you harbored underneath.
A passion and dedication, unadulterated and crude, but both true and constant..
And honestly... How could I ever resist you?
How could I ever deny my heart, desperate as I was to find it again?
How could I ever betray my soul although I had given it up long ago?
Who could resist you when you are desire? When you are poetry incarnate?
Who could love you and still be standing, Sam?
Because you brought me to my knees, both literally and figuratively and I would beg for more, implore and crawl for just a few minutes more inside this paradise of yours.
Although you were and always will be another girl's paradise...
And even though when I crawled out of my flaming prison, the hell I was condemned to, I wanted to know myself and my needs, what I have come to discover was that what I wanted was not to want what wasn't mine, because it would be too dangerous.
What I needed to do was not want what could never be mine, what I didn't deserve.
Yet I fell for you, fully aware of the consequences it would have on the both of us.
I wanted you. I wanted what wasn't mine, because the darkness in you reminded me of how I fought too, with my dual nature.
The good and the evil, the coldness and the warmth inside, the bliss and the misery out of which I was forged.
I was 4 parts misery, half a part bliss and one part irony, because there never was a worse joke than my existence.
A demon trapped within her body along with her morsels of divinity, her morsels of humanity that almost drove her mad, her sanity like a bird struggling to get out of its cage.
And mad I was for wanting you, for claiming you, although you were another girl's paradise.
Because that girl...
It could never be me and now as I breathe my last breath, you know I never will be...
You are just another girl's paradise...
{"You have come to discover what you want"
What I want is not to want what isn't mine
"But I am desire"
when it is all said and done.
is another girl
is another girl
is another girl's paradise}
~ FIN ~
Comments are love and feed the muse // Other comments Here
If you liked this, join to view all fics and/or lyrics, even flocked ones.
Author: force-oblique
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I don't own anything! :P
Characters/Pairings: Sam/Ruby, Ruby POV
Spoilers/Warnings: General fic - a little speculation, hopefully not spoilerish..
Ruby is on the verge of dying in this...
Summary: How could I ever resist you?
How could I ever deny my heart, desperate as I was to find it again?
How could I ever betray my soul although I had given it up long ago?
Who could resist you when you are desire?
Who could love you and still be standing, Sam?.
Author's Notes: There has been a lot of speculation about Ruby dying and Sam going darkside over her loss. I don't want her to die...but if she did...what would her last thoughts be? I thought.... And this is what came out of it...
~ English is not my native language so excuse any crappiness and/or mistakes!
Lyrics: Another Girl's Paradise - Tori Amos
Dedication:[x]To jenniferkaos: I care for you so much hunni. Never doubt it. Here is your fic. I hope you like it.
Crossposted at: samandruby, sam-ruby, supportsamruby, spn-ruby, spn-gen, wincest-free, moon-hunters, daysofthereaper sn-fic,spn-fics
ANOTHER GIRL'S PARADISE - A RUBY/SAM FICTION -1/1
{How could I resist, you are desire
when all is said said and done
who can love you and still be standing?}
I am dying. I know I am.
It tickles and it stings and it makes the room spin.
It makes me feel like there's a balloon in my stomach about to burst and blow me into a thousand pieces.
Funny, if only for a moment I had thought that this could end differently. You may laugh but at some point I had started to believe that it could work out.
Maybe I am even more human than both of us had thought.
Why else would I ever be stuck in this lovesick high school fantasy?
And now I lie here, whatever remains of me; ready to disappear forever and strangely I have no regrets. I just hope that you won’t have any either.
I had known you were different, special right from the start. I didn’t have to hear all the rumors to realize that you were more than a man. More than human.
I suppose it was easier for me to spot as I was more than human and more than demonic, too. Or maybe that’s what I liked to think.
I sensed your raw power and your hunger for more, even if they were both neatly tucked underneath your veil of righteousness and devotion and loyalty. Not that it made you any less loyal.
On the contrary, it made you more loyal, at least in my eyes, because it takes a lot of effort to know that you have this force sizzling underneath your skin, within your blood stream and still find the will to refuse it.
I think Dean never really appreciated that. Not that he didn’t love you, because the love you both share could be the stuff of legends, but he couldn’t understand the whole of you. He didn’t have the blackness within him to fight, so he couldn’t understand what it felt like, what it meant.
I like to believe that somehow it wasn’t just me who gave her heart away. I like to think that I was the keeper of your heart for some time, too.
And now that I will be gone, I am returning your heart intact, unharmed hoping that this is what you wanted. I never meant to leave any scars on you.
All I wanted was to be a part of you, a part of your thoughts and plans for a while, but when I would be gone forever - and I knew I would be gone at some point - I would be a tender memory in your mind. Something to look back upon with warmth and affection.
I don’t know what you will do when I close these borrowed eyes of mine, darling, but I just hope that you won’t lose your focus.
I don’t want you to get angry. I don’t want you to get mad.
I have always told you that you needed to be calm and collected and never let small things affect you.
You may not want to see it now, but in time you will realize that I am one of the small things. A small thing compared to what you are destined to do, to experience, to live.
Small doesn’t necessarily mean unimportant, though.
Just brief, short in terms of time, but not in terms of emotions invested.
So I have no doubt in my heart that somehow, someway you loved me back.
We were just incapacitated in a way. We were forced to rid ourselves of our humanity and compassion, just so that we would be ready for the war ahead. So that you would be ready for the battles to come.
And hard decisions had to be made. Harder than you had ever dealt with before. I know it wasn't just distasteful but catastrophic to your gentle soul and for that I am sorry. If there was any other way you know by now, that I wouldn't have pushed you this far.
In a sense it was only your wellbeing I had in mind. I am but a roach in everyone's eyes. Nobody cares if I live or die unless I piss off the wrong someones...
And for you, I did.
I am not sure if it made any difference, but I meant it to.
{does it all come down
to the thing one girl fears in the night
is another girl's paradise
through twists and turns}
I had nothing to lose but a pathetic existence before I met you.
But gradually it felt like I was elevating...
Like I was transforming into something that could have carried some meaning, some purpose and for that I will be forever grateful.
Yes, I had nothing to lose then, but now I fear I am parting not only with this world, but with a person that genuinely saw me and didn't just glance at me.
I am parting not only with a meat-costume, a host, but with a life of what-could-have-been, too.
And although I wouldn't have known before you, now I know better and I know that this counts for something.
But I am grateful, Sam, because now I realize this wasn't meant to be, we weren't meant to be. It was only make-believe.
As if someone just pressed “pause” on my misery and I was allowed to experience something positive for once in the horror movie that's been my life.
And I will be eternally thankful to you for pushing that “pause” button.
I only wish I could push the “repeat” button too, because I would do it all again.
But now it's too late...
We weren't meant to be. Now I understand that our time together was borrowed time.
You were never really mine, although I was utterly and unconditionally yours.
You weren't really mine. I just borrowed you for a little while. I borrowed you, I stole you from another girl. The one you are supposed to be with sometime in the future. Maybe the near future, because I neither want nor wish you to wallow or mourn me.
I am not the one. I never was. You know that.
Deep down you must know that and maybe it tears you up, because of the guilt and the remorse. But you should know it wasn't your fault. You couldn't have known.
But I did know. I have known all along that although this was real, it wasn't destined to be.
Although I touched you, you weren't mine to hold.
Although I kissed you, you weren't mine to taste.
Although I stared at you, you weren't my vision to enjoy.
And although I loved you, you weren't MY bliss, you weren't MY paradise to hang on to.
I am not the one.
You may have thought I was, because I was the first to see the whole of you, the power and the hunger and the urge...
The light and the darkness and the dusk in between...
I was the first to hear the screams and the whispers and the moans all at once.
And I didn't flinch, I didn't falter, I didn't run away. I stayed there.
But that wasn't enough. Because if it wasn't me, it would be someone else. It should be someone else. Someone worthy.
I was just the first to notice the unappreciated perfection you harbored underneath.
A passion and dedication, unadulterated and crude, but both true and constant..
And honestly... How could I ever resist you?
How could I ever deny my heart, desperate as I was to find it again?
How could I ever betray my soul although I had given it up long ago?
Who could resist you when you are desire? When you are poetry incarnate?
Who could love you and still be standing, Sam?
Because you brought me to my knees, both literally and figuratively and I would beg for more, implore and crawl for just a few minutes more inside this paradise of yours.
Although you were and always will be another girl's paradise...
And even though when I crawled out of my flaming prison, the hell I was condemned to, I wanted to know myself and my needs, what I have come to discover was that what I wanted was not to want what wasn't mine, because it would be too dangerous.
What I needed to do was not want what could never be mine, what I didn't deserve.
Yet I fell for you, fully aware of the consequences it would have on the both of us.
I wanted you. I wanted what wasn't mine, because the darkness in you reminded me of how I fought too, with my dual nature.
The good and the evil, the coldness and the warmth inside, the bliss and the misery out of which I was forged.
I was 4 parts misery, half a part bliss and one part irony, because there never was a worse joke than my existence.
A demon trapped within her body along with her morsels of divinity, her morsels of humanity that almost drove her mad, her sanity like a bird struggling to get out of its cage.
And mad I was for wanting you, for claiming you, although you were another girl's paradise.
Because that girl...
It could never be me and now as I breathe my last breath, you know I never will be...
You are just another girl's paradise...
{"You have come to discover what you want"
What I want is not to want what isn't mine
"But I am desire"
when it is all said and done.
is another girl
is another girl
is another girl's paradise}
~ FIN ~
Comments are love and feed the muse // Other comments Here
If you liked this, join to view all fics and/or lyrics, even flocked ones.