Our Voices, Part 2
Title: Our Voices
Rating: PG-13
Length: 20K
Pairings: pre Sam/Kurt, mentions of most original couples
Spoilers: Up to episode 2x19, Rumours
Summary: The story of How Sam Evans's Life Got Worse and Then Better, or perhaps How Sam Evans Got to Know and Appreciate Kurt Hummel. A very slightly AU rewriting of Season 2, from Duets to Rumours.
Go to Part 1
Going to school and seeing their friends had obviously done Stacy and Stevie a world of good; they practically ran out of the school and threw themselves in his arms, laughing, when they saw him at the doors. Tom’s mother was looking at them with thinly-veiled approval and he smiled a little at her because suddenly things didn’t seem so gloomy. She clearly interpreted this as a permission to come and talk to him and he cringed a little internally but it wasn’t so bad, really. She mainly spoke about what a lovely boy Steve was, Sam dutifully making a quip about the boy not being the same Stevie he knew and getting a punch in the ribs for his trouble. She also invited his little brother for a sleepover the next day on Tom’s behalf. Considering how many times it had happened recently he didn’t say no immediately so as not to make her suspicious, answering instead that Stevie would give his reply to Tom tomorrow, if that was okay with her of course.
All three of them then went to a nearby park together, eating the baguette he had bought before coming to get them. It felt like paradise to him after all those biscuits and his siblings must have agreed because they didn’t even mention there was no peanut butter or jam. He sat on a bench once there, sending them out to play - Stacy seemed a bit reluctant at first but she ended up on the swings next to a girl he could vaguely remember as being in her class and she was smiling a lot at the end, so surely all was right in the world.
With nothing else to do he pulled out his Maths notebook, suddenly realising as he tried to do the first exercise that he wouldn’t have time for his sessions with Kurt anymore. He had already determined that his grades were the last thing on his mind, but it still made him feel a lot worse suddenly.
He was just thinking they had better go back to the motel - the kids had to have homework and it was getting a bit chilly - when Stacy came running towards him, a big smile on her face, for once looking not a day older than her nine years.
“Sammy, Jessica invited me! Like Steve is always invited! She said we could have a sleepover tomorrow and her mom would bring us to school the next day and you could just come and get me in the afternoon at the end of class! Can I go, please?”
Sam was torn; on the one hand, he felt a little like not letting his siblings out of his sight right now, but on the other it was the first such invitation Stacy had received since they had moved here. He ended up telling her he had to discuss it with Jessica’s mom first, since he had never met her; Mrs Salaun (“oh, please call me Chloe!”) was a small round woman who smiled a lot and seemed to think this sleepover was a fantastic idea (“my Jess is a bit of a loner, you know, and she seems to be getting along so well with Stacy!”) and immediately started quizzing him on Stacy’s favourite dishes. Mike would probably have said she was the epitome of a mother - he had looked the term up after the dancer had used it once - and he found it hard to tell her no, or really to do anything else than nod dumbly at various points during her enthusiastic diatribe. It was settled, then; he would make sure Stacy had a change of clothes in her bag and Chloe would bring both kids to her house tomorrow and back to school on Wednesday morning. They exchanged phone numbers, Sam almost giving her the number to their landline before catching himself and rattling off his mobile phone’s number instead.
***
As it turned out, saying yes to Stacy meant he had to say yes to Stevie, which meant in turn that after sending the kids to school with their toothbrushes in their schoolbags’ pocket he was on his own for more than a day. It also meant he had no reason to skip his tutorial session, which made him feel both glad and a bit scared Kurt would take a close look at his face and declare he knew everything that had transpired in the last few days.
“So, how did it go yesterday? You gave no sign of life this weekend; I hope you didn’t spend it worrying by yourself.” For a few seconds Sam just stared at the countertenor, because jokes aside there was no way he was that transparent. And then he realised that of course Kurt was talking about his bloody history test and he let a slightly nervous laugh escape.
“Oh, er, it wasn’t brilliant. I, mh, I’m sorry, you really helped but I had some trouble remembering all the dates and stuff. Perhaps because of, you know, my dyslexia.”
Kurt shot him a surprised look; it was true he didn’t usually mention his dyslexia, because in spite of everything he had ever been told he still felt unaccountably ashamed of his inability to read as well as his little sister. Still it was better than telling the truth, and Sam had seen enough episodes of Lie to me to know the explanation you gave in place of the facts had to be detailed enough to feel real.
“Well from what I’ve seen you have more of an audio memory, so next time you have troubles with something just call, I can send you some MP3 of me reading the lesson aloud or something.”
Kurt was grinning and it was obviously meant to be a joke, though the idea seemed pretty good to Sam, so he smiled a little in return. He was surprised, though, to hear Kurt crack up afterwards.
“Sorry, sorry - I was just remembering the way I sent you like a thousand files of me singing at the beginning of the year, before the duet competition. It’s pretty embarrassing in retrospect; it was generous of you not to make fun of me.”
There wasn’t a thousand files, only sixty, though you sent me twelve more in February when I broke up with Quinn, Sam could have answered. Or perhaps you think it’s embarrassing but your voice is magic and it has saved me and the kids quite a few times so you really shouldn’t. But that was embarrassing and probably a bit dorky, so he just smiled a little more.
“I think I remember comparing you to Faith Hill to Finn, actually.”
Kurt was surprised into laughing a little.
“I’m flattered, Sam Evans - and a bit impressed. I wouldn’t have taken you for a country fan.”
“Actually I think I first saw her on NBC Sunday Night Football,” Sam confessed, pretending to be discomfited.
“Really? I wouldn’t have pegged you for a football fan.” Sam just raised an eyebrow at him. “I mean, I know you were the quarterback for the team, I swear I’m not questioning your abilities to play. I’ve just always thought for some reason that you weren’t really into the sport itself.”
“You’re not wrong. I mean, I like playing and running and actually being encouraged to tackle people but I’m not passionate about the sport itself. It was more a means to an end sort of thing, you know? I just wanted to fit in.”
“Right,” Kurt nodded, but he didn’t seem too convinced. Sam remembered then that no matter what Kurt did or the talent he did it with, he was always considered a loser anyway, and it struck him that maybe there were some things worse than being an outcast in a school that couldn’t see Kurt Hummel as anything but a pariah. It seemed like an important thought he should perhaps share, but he didn’t know how to express what he felt, so they just fell back in a pretty comfortable silence.
“And Sam?”
“Yeah?”
“Anytime you need to talk, I’m there. I feel like you haven’t really smiled in a while and, well- I’m here. I mean it. If you need anything.”
Sam just nodded, his throat tight again. The offer to share his burden with someone was desperately attractive, but merely thinking about putting words on his situation made him want to close his eyes and shake his head a little as if to clear it. Drunken parents who had turned abusive, him running away from home without a plan, forcing his kid siblings in a miserable life, not knowing what was going to happen on the next day - all those words drew far too ugly pictures to be spoken aloud.
Kurt thankfully knew not to push and their study session went well, as usual continuing way into the evening. Afterwards Sam went to the motel room alone, stared at the walls for a while and then brusquely seized his guitar from the wall it was resting on and left again. When he came back his wallet was fuller and his insides resonated with an emptiness that had nothing to do with hunger.
***
The kids both seemed to have had a nice time when he went to get them on Wednesday and they went to the park for a little while once again. On Thursday, however, once he had given Kurt a half-truth about having to take care of his brother and sister so he could leave just after Glee club, he found a silent Stacy and a grumpy Stevie waiting for him, and even the treat of an ice-cream didn’t manage to make them smile. They stayed mostly silent until they were back in the motel and then Stevie suddenly started crying, Stacy promptly following suit. Sam should probably have expected it - in retrospect he was only surprised they had hold up this long. Life with their parents hadn’t exactly made them feel safe, or at least not in a while, but it was familiar and routine and those past few days had simply held too much change, not to mention all the drawbacks of having to live together in one room without a kitchenette.
He did his best to comfort them, reclining on the main bed’s cushions and holding them close, singing gently until they fell asleep, all cried out. He didn’t have this luck, though, and tossed and turned in his folding bed until the sun rose.
***
The next day marked the end of the first week spent in the motel, and the weekend that followed went both better and worse than the last. He wasn’t afraid to leave the room anymore so they weren’t cooped in this time around, but even after just seven days there was a sense of permanency - or should it be perpetuity? - to these four walls that was threatening to bring him down for good.
They went to the park again on Saturday, mainly to get away, but Stacy’s and Stevie’s friends weren’t there and the kids were clearly getting bored, so they crossed the street to the public library. Reading was definitively not Sam’s favourite activity and Stevie was still learning how to, but their sister was clearly delighted to show them around so Sam deemed it a good stop anyway. They even found some comics both simple and interesting enough Sam thought he could read them out to Stevie without getting too bored.
On Sunday they went to church because they hadn’t been in a while and there they met Quinn, which reminded Sam of why exactly he hadn’t wanted to go in a while. He intended to just nod at her and go sit down but she put a hand on his arm and he just froze because apart from Kurt’s hug last week it had been a while since he’d last felt a friendly touch.
“Sam, is everything alright? You’ve been kind of down those last two weeks and, well, I know things haven’t really ended up well between us but I’m still concerned.” She sounded so kind, just like she had the very first time they had spoken, when she had helped him after he’d received his first slushie; he didn’t know how to react.
“Hi Quinn!”
“Oh, hi Stacy, hi Steve, how are you guys? I’ve missed you!” Quinn was great with kids, and especially good at getting Stacy out of her shell. Back when they were dating it had made him love her even more and convinced him they were made for each other, but now it almost annoyed him, as if the way his siblings and her being so happy to see each other was some kind of betrayal.
“We’re good! We went to the library yesterday and I started a new fantasy collection, wanna see?” Stacy was holding out the bag in which was the book she had insisted on taking, even though he had told her more than once she wasn’t allowed to read in church.
“Yeah and we have a new house, do you wanna come and see it too?” Stevie piped in, making him freeze in horror. Quinn was looking at him, clearly surprised, and he grimaced a little.
“I’ll explain later, okay? The sermon is about to start.”
Sam had to admit he wasn’t an avid church-goer and he often found the Sunday Mass a bit long but this one went by in a flash as he tried to figure out what to do. He finally settled on a trusted and true method, avoidance, sitting in the back when Quinn went to the front to sit with her mother and leaving as soon as they politely could, ignoring Stacy’s protests about wanting to talk to Quinn some more.
He was nervous the entire day on Monday, ready for the blond girl to appear and start interrogating him at any time, but apparently Finn was feeling a bit under the weather and her curiosity about Sam wasn’t strong enough to beat her concern for her boyfriend, which made him feel a weird mixture of bitterness and relief. He still left the choir room as soon as the bell rang, knowing that if she intended to talk to him now was a good time, and realised as he got outside that he had forgotten his jacket. He swore a little but didn’t go in to get it, afraid he’d meet her on the way - the sun was shining so he didn’t need it anyway and he could just get it the next day.
***
Tuesday afternoon thus found him entering the choir room half-an-hour early, intent on finding his jacket. It was there as expected, though on the piano rather than on his seat in the last row; more surprisingly, Kurt was there at well, staring at the jacket and wringing his hands a little. Sam opened his mouth to speak, intent on greeting the smaller teen and on asking him what was wrong, but the words got stuck in his throat when Kurt let out a small cry on seeing him and crossed the room to hug him tightly. Sam automatically hugged him back, more confused and worried than ever.
“What is it, Kurt? Is Finn alright? Or is it your dad?”
Kurt shook his head and loosened his embrace a little, though he didn’t let go.
“No, no, everyone is alright. I’m sorry, I just, it’s just, you were-”
The uncharacteristic rambling from the usually-eloquent boy did nothing to reassure him and he tried to get them both to the chairs on the front row, an arm still on Kurt’s shoulders, figuring they’d feel better sitting. It seemed to work for Kurt, though perhaps he was just regaining his normal composure.
“I’m very sorry about that. It’s just that I haven’t seen you the whole day and though it’s not that unusual because we don’t share classes and don’t eat together I just kept imagining the worst and it was driving me absolutely crazy so when I saw you I just felt so relieved I couldn’t help, um, hugging you. My apologies, really.”
This…made no sense at all. Since when did not seeing Sam around school for a day make Kurt feel anxious?
“No need to apologize, but I must say you’re kind of confusing me. Why were you so worried in the first place?”
The silence then felt kind of heavy, and Sam had the distinct impression he wasn’t going to like the explanation that’d follow.
“Your jacket.”
Sam frowned in confusion, what about his jacket?
“You forgot it. Yesterday, after Glee club. And so I thought I’d bring it to you in football practice, since I needed to talk to Finn about something on the way there anyway, but then he told me you hadn’t come to practice in a week. By then Mr Schuester had already closed the door of the choir room and I didn’t have anything to do so I thought I’d bring it to your home so you wouldn’t worry - I know I’d hate to forget my jacket at school.” Kurt was clearly himself again but Sam couldn’t smile like he’d usually would at his slightly disdainful tone, because he was starting to see what might have happened and it wasn’t a nice picture.
“There I met your father, and he was, well he was, um, not quite himself-” roaring drunk at four in the afternoon, Sam translated, unconsciously squeezing Kurt’s shoulders a little, “but I did understand you hadn’t come home and he didn’t expect you to do so anytime soon, and so I thought that I’d see you today at school but then I didn’t and my imagination got away from me and, well, here we are.” Kurt waved a self-depreciating hand to indicate them sitting there like this but didn’t shrug Sam’s arm from his shoulders, which he was grateful for because he felt like he had to hold onto something right then.
“Sam?” He raised his head a little but still didn’t look at Kurt in the eyes. “Could you please tell me what happened?”
It was the please that did him in, the way Kurt, far from running away from the ugliness he had already seen and met, genuinely sounded like he wanted to know more, and not out of morbid curiosity either. And so, for the first time since that fateful evening, sitting in the choir room with twenty minutes to spare before the others arrived for Glee club, Sam tried to articulate just what his life had become.
“Two years ago, my mom lost her job. We could still get by on my dad’s salary and her unemployment compensation but, well, it wasn’t the same. She wasn’t made to be a stay-at-home parent and the more she looked for work without finding anything the more she felt frustrated and the more she…” he made a vague gesture that couldn’t mean drank by any stretch of the imagination but that Kurt would probably understand anyway, considering he had seen his dad yesterday.
“My parents started fighting more and more, about money or t-the booze or about really stupid things, and then around the time the benefits stopped coming my dad got offered a job here. It paid a little more and life was cheaper here so we moved, but it didn’t change anything. My father started to drink too and it just got worst because my mom mainly yells and stuff when she’s drunk but he’s more of a physical type of guy but I-I felt like I couldn’t do anything, I didn’t know what to do, and last week he- he hurt Stevie Kurt, it was horrible, we had to leave, we just had to.”
Sam’s face was dry but he could feel himself starting to breathe a bit rapidly and it was Kurt’s turn to squeeze his shoulder gently and to try and soothe him.
“Of course you had to. Stevie is your little brother? I can’t imagine how terrible it must have been - you have been great and very brave all along, Sam.”
He probably should have felt like telling Kurt not to infantilize him, but the truth was that it felt bloody good to hear those words from someone, to know someone else knew and didn’t think he’d been a total idiot who would just ruin his baby brother’s and sister’s lives. He drew a shaky breath to answer but then Puck and Lauren entered the room, luckily too absorbed by each other to notice the two boys sitting close on the front row. Kurt immediately leaned away from him, in a smooth, practised motion that made him a little angry at this whole fucking homophobic town, but continued to address him.
“You’re going to get your brother after Glee club?”
“Him and Stacy, my little sister, yeah. On Tuesdays I arrive as their school’s doors open if I hurry.”
“Do you mind if I come with you? I can drive you there. Finn thought we’d stay here like usual so he doesn’t need a ride.”
Sam just nodded, feeling pretty talked-out but knowing they had lots more to discuss, and to be honest rather grateful at the idea of going to the kids’ school in Kurt’s amazing Navigator rather than by bus.
***
Kurt didn’t push for more details as they drove, but Sam found himself haltingly sharing more of his week anyway. He mainly talked about little things, like how their Spanish neighbour got easily annoyed when they listened to the TV against the wall but had still come over one day to invite them for dinner, or how Stacy had finally found a good friend in Jessica, or how unexpectedly difficult it had been not to tell Quinn everything on Sunday. He mentioned his (rather pitiful) projects for the near future, like his intention to either buy a small kitchen appliance or upgrade to a room with a kitchenette if he ever managed to get a job. He didn’t say any more about his parents, nor did he ever evoke his overwhelming fear of the future, but it was implied in every breath he took in slowly, in the way he almost convulsively tightened his hands on the schoolbag on his lap.
Through all this Kurt was a calm presence by his side, completely silent, seemingly only paying attention to the road as he drove them to the school with just the occasional direction from Sam. They arrived ten minutes early and their eyes met for the first time in what felt like a long while after Kurt had parked.
“I will talk to my dad and to Carole, Sam. I’m sure he will agree you can move in with us.”
Sam was already shaking his head, though. He knew the newly-formed family had moved to a three-bedroom house just to make sure Finn and Kurt had their own space and he couldn’t imagine how uncomfortable it would be for them to try and welcome not one but three kids, including two beneath the age of ten.
“Thanks Kurt, but I really don’t think it’s going to work. The last thing I’d want is to cause trouble for your family.”
Kurt frowned in the way that meant he was going to protest but then seemed to think better of it, though Sam was almost certain this discussion wasn’t over by any means.
“Let me help, though. I want to, okay?”
Sam just nodded, smiling feebly, and Kurt squeezed his shoulder briefly.
“I don’t think you need to hear this as much as I did then, Sam, because you’ve already showed so much strength, but…have courage. Things will get better, if I have anything to say about it.”
And it turned out Kurt did have something to say about it. He was there this week, there for Sam like no one had ever been before, not his childhood friends back home, not his parents, not Quinn and certainly not Santana. He drove Sam to the primary school and brought the three blonds to the motel afterwards every day, chatting comfortably with Stacy and Stevie on the way. He brought food twice, delicious salads they didn’t need to cook and which even the kids couldn’t get enough of. He convinced Sam that if he felt like he wanted to tell her he could trust Quinn with this, reminding him she had been thrown out of her home herself last year. He made Sam accept the job at the pizzeria, offering to babysit the kids on the weekends, assuring him it was a pleasure for him to stay with such delightful children.
And on Wednesday night, he was there as Sam finally let himself fall apart.
It was pretty late and the kids were already sleeping; Sam and Kurt were talking in low tones, sitting on the floor next to the beds. Kurt suddenly exclaimed he had just remembered something and took a small wade of money outside of his pocket. Sam winced a little, because as helpful as Kurt was and as thankful as he felt it seemed different and wrong to accept money from him.
“No, no, it’s not mine. I had completely forgotten, but on the day before yesterday, when I went to see your parents, your mom stopped me before I could go, and she gave me this for you. Sorry I didn’t think about it before today.”
Sam wordlessly shook his head at the apology, reaching for the money with a hand that trembled a little. He wondered where she had got the money - there had to be at least three hundred dollars there, perhaps she had sold some jewellery. His very first thought was that this was enough to get his guitar back, before he dismissed the thought as unbearably selfish; it really should have been the last of his concerns. He could probably get them some cheap hot plaques for this price, which meant this was the end of their difficulties to get balanced meals in the evenings.
“What di-, did she, uh, say anything?” He asked Kurt, barely recognising his own voice.
“She said-” the smaller boy hesitated, obviously a bit reluctant. “She said she understood, and that maybe it was for the best. She said you’d know what she meant, but-”
“Right. Well of course I understand. Life must be plenty easier without three brats to care about, much cheaper too.” He was speaking on this side of too loud by now but Kurt didn’t shush him, just looked at him with solemn eyes. “I mean, I can’t believe I was surprised when no one gave us trouble at school or the police didn’t come to look for us. It’s fucking simpler this way, isn’t it? This is everything what they have ever wished for, a way to get rid of us, that’s why they didn’t- they didn’t even try-”
He was surprised to discover he had a tear on his cheek and started to duck his head, embarrassed, but Kurt drew him in a fierce side-hug and he found his face buried in soft brown hair instead. He felt safe there, hidden, and he finally let himself crack, heaving great sobs in Kurt’s shoulder even as the teen’s slender hand comfortingly rubbed his back.
He was finally calming down, already trying to figure out a way to apologise for the ungainly display of emotion, when he realised Kurt was singing and had probably been for a little while. It would probably have heightened his embarrassment if the countertenor had sang him something obviously meant to calm him down, like a lullaby or a ballad, but luckily Kurt seemed to know it wouldn’t have been a good idea. He had chosen instead a rather upbeat song, his voice still lowered in deference to the kids, something Sam didn’t recognise and probably wouldn’t have wanted to listen to if it had been sung by anyone else, and which as far as Sam could tell was about someone wanting to help someone else become popular.
Kurt let out a dramatic sigh as Sam confessed to having no idea as to where the song came from, telling him there was such a thing as unacceptable ignorance when it came to Broadway musicals and they would have to remedy to his lack of knowledge quickly enough. Sam quipped that it was fine with him as long as Kurt didn’t hire Rachel to help, which surprised a laugh out of the brunet before he rallied and exclaimed on what a great idea that was. They kept talking and joking for half-an-hour longer and were careful to avoid any emotionally-loaded topic, but Kurt hugged him again as he left, briefly, rather than pressing his shoulder like he usually did. They never spoke about it again, but Sam fell asleep more easily than he had in weeks.
***
Mathematically speaking, it was all very simple. Quinn knew something was up - she had taken to throwing him suspicious looks during Glee club - and Kurt thought she could be trusted with the truth: ergo he should tell her what had happened. In reality, though, it wasn’t quite that simple, because there was still this part of him saying he had to be strong for her, even though they weren’t dating anymore.
He had tried to explain it a little to Kurt, who had raised an eyebrow and commented that this wasn’t the basis of a stable relationship anyway, that there wasn’t a strong and a weak person in a couple but two equal individuals trusting one another and leaning on one another in times of need. He had also added that nothing bonded you to someone else as quickly as opening yourself did, so if he wanted to get Quinn back this was definitively a good move. Sam had opened and closed his mouth without answering, because to tell the truth he had never really envisaged getting back with her as an actual possibility. Even though the chapter of their relationship had ended rather quickly and messily he had considered it closed for good, though he couldn’t deny part of him was still fascinated by her.
The blond girl’s throat-clearing brought him back to earth. Right. He had asked to speak with Quinn in private and brought her to the choir room before falling silent as he pondered whether telling her was the right thing to do, so she had to be wondering by now if he was ever going to speak.
“Yeah, er, sorry. I just wanted to, well I thought maybe I should explain what had happened and, um, Stevie’s comment about us moving? I mean, I’m not even sure you remember, but I thought you might want to know, and then Kurt thought I could tell you, he said-”
Quinn’s eyes widened a little.
“What does Kurt have to do with any of this? Oh my God, don’t tell me you got thrown out because you’re with Kurt and your parents couldn’t accept it?”
Sam just stared a little, because really, what exactly had he said that had led her to this conclusion? Still, her ridiculous hypothesis actually helped him get the next words out, because he had to fix this before she started saying to everyone Kurt was cheating on his boyfriend and Kurt decided to hate him forever.
“I’m not dating Kurt. And actually, I was the one who left home. Because our parents are, um, neglectful and a-abusive.” He had stumbled a little on the last adjective, because it seemed too final a word, but he had said it. Quinn’s face showed much less surprise than it had when she thought he’d been dating Kurt on the sly, so that she mainly looked sad.
“I’m so sorry Sam. Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Ah, well, nobody knows, and I’d like to keep it that way. I really don’t want my life to become the latest hot topic of the school gossip, and, er, considering Stacy and Stevie are staying with me I’m pretty sure there could be some legal issues if everyone knew, especially the adults.”
“Well for some reason it seems it’s extremely difficult to keep a secret in our Glee club, but of course I won’t tell anyone. I was really offering my help in some more concrete ways, though.”
“Oh, um, I’d perhaps really appreciate it if you could chat with the little guys from time to time? We’ve slowly been driving each other crazy living in the same room this past week, and you’ve always been great with them. They really miss you, you must have realised that on Sunday.”
Her mouth softened into a smile at that and Sam’s heart tightened a little, in regret for the what-could-have-been more than anything else.
“Of course, I’d love to spend some time with them. I’ve always been a bit jealous of your bond, you know. I mean, I adore my sister, but she’s twelve years older than I am and she moved when she was seventeen, so it’s not the same.” Quinn’s voice was a bit quiet and Sam wondered, then, if this really was only about siblings and not about a baby girl named Beth, but he stayed silent.
“So anyway just call when you need a babysitter, all right? As long as I don’t have anything planned I’ll come right over.”
She leaned in and gave him a hug before leaving and he froze a little because the only human contact he had had in the past month had been with his siblings or with Kurt, but it still felt pretty great.
***
Encouraged by Kurt’s assertion that he would help take care of things, Sam called the pizza place and told them he was ready to work on weekends if the position was still open. It turned out they needed someone on Friday nights and Saturday and Sunday early evenings, which worked out pretty well. Kurt told his father he was going to a sleepover at Mercedes’ on Friday, told Mercedes he had a date with Blaine and arrived at the motel early enough to watch a rerun of an episode of The Middle with them before Sam had to go to work. He came over on Saturday as well, though Sam felt guilty infringing on Kurt’s limited time with his boyfriend. Kurt was apparently asked by Stacy and Stevie to sing them some of their favourite songs from him, which led to a discussion on Kurt-music when Sam came back that was truly embarrassing and whose only redeeming value was the flattered and perhaps even flustered look it brought to Kurt’s face.
Quinn then came on Sunday, to Stacy’s great joy, and the combination of his siblings’ obvious happiness at the time spent with his two friends and the feeling of purpose he felt as he worked, even though the work uniform was truly ridiculous and made Kurt pretend he had just been blinded every time he saw it, made the weekend much more pleasant than the previous ones had been.
The following week was better as well. Kurt rolled his eyes when Sam insisted that he shouldn’t feel like he had to come pick the kids with him every day, assuring him his other friends wouldn’t feel neglected, but finally agreed to come on Monday and Friday. Stacy and Stevie had been invited once again by their respective friends on Tuesday evening so he spent it in the Hudson-Hummel home beating Mike in Super Smash Brow Brawl duels and being repetitively pummelled into the ground by Tina as he sent character after character fight against an expertly-managed Kirby, Kurt and Mercedes chatting next to them and occasionally yelling advice. Quinn came again on Wednesday, though not for long, bringing with her a book she had apparently recommended Stacy on the weekend and, astutely, a colouring book for Stevie so he didn’t feel left out.
Thursday was a bit surreal because Rachel Berry actually came up to him, declared his lips looked cute, offered him chapstick and asked him to go to Prom with her. He thought about the way she’d been so obviously pining for Finn ever since their break-up and how he couldn’t remember if they had ever spoken together before today and concluded this had to be an alternative reality, so he answered no a bit cautiously in case this Rachel was even crazier than the one in his universe. It turned out she was serious, though, so he settled on a half-truth as an explanation, explaining she wasn’t his type and ignoring the part where Prom was expensive, renting a tux even more so and he’d have no one he trusted who could babysit his siblings who wouldn’t already be at the dance.
His evening was luckily much more normal; he spent it trying to help Stacy with her geometry test for the next week and playing go fish with the kids until it was time for bed. He fell asleep easily, exhausted and honestly feeling he might just be okay, missed Prom or not, if things would just continue this way a little while.
And then, on Friday, the first issue of the Muckracker came out.
***
Finn was yelling at him and he was yelling back, with a little help from Quinn, Santana was yelling at Brittany and the other Glee kids seemed much too interested in what was going on to try and break the fights. Sam felt truly enraged at Finn’s accusation, because if someone here was encouraging girls to cheat on their boyfriends it certainly wasn’t him, and really why did he even want to date Quinn if he couldn’t trust her?
Mr Schuester finally managed to get everyone to stop actively fighting but Finn stormed out and the ambiance was strained for the whole rehearsal, so much so Sam was uncharacteristically relieved to see it come to an end. He was leaving with Kurt today so he headed for the other teen’s car, wondering once again why they met there rather than walking together and figuring Kurt had to talk with Mercedes or something. Maybe he was asking her to cover for him if his dad called while he was staying with Stacy and Stevie, though he had told Sam last week there was no need for any such stratagem because Burt trusted his son implicitly - the precise reason why the fact that Kurt was lying to his dad to help him was pretty awful to consider.
Lately, they more often than not made their way to the kids’ school in music, only speaking occasionally, but Kurt didn’t reach for the radio this time.
“I think Coach Sylvester is behind this. The rag this morning had her signature written all over it.”
“Wouldn’t surprise me. I’m not sure why she hates Mr Schuester so much, but she sure has a lot of time to waste when it comes to causing him trouble.”
Kurt laughed a little in agreement before growing serious again.
“You’re right, but she’s as persistent as she’s annoying, and I don’t think this will stop anytime soon. I don’t want to be defeatist, Sam, but I’m afraid the guys in the Glee club won’t stop being curious before they know more.”
“They- I’m not sure I can handle them knowing the truth, Kurt.”
“Right. My first thought was to throw them another bone, but it will be difficult to imagine any gossip as juicy as the thought of you and Quinn meeting for a sordid tryst in a motel - though if Brittany was saying the truth, Santana coming out of the closet probably wouls do the trick. So perhaps you should consider preparing a version of the truth - one that’d explain your change of location if it ever comes to that and which would make them ashamed enough to have pried that they’d leave alone any inconsistency.”
Sam nodded and didn’t answer. He was aware that he was avoiding the issue and therefore proving just how non-brave he really was, but truly he just wanted to forget about the whole situation. Kurt didn’t insist, reaching for one of his unmarked CDs as a clear sign he was willing to let Sam off the hook, which made him feel a by-now-familiar wave of gratitude.
***
The week-end went by without a hitch, Kurt coming over on Saturday and Quinn on Sunday, and as the week started they had an unexpected guest in the Glee club. The attractive woman was obviously known from his fellow club members but he personally had no idea what she was doing there, though it didn’t keep him from enjoying the rendition of the Fleetwood Mac song she did with their teacher.
Kurt assured him he’d explain all about her on his way to his siblings’ school, which meant Sam soon found himself roaring with laughter as Kurt told him, with the help of many self-deprecating grimaces, all about his early descent in alcoholism and the way he had reportedly babbled on about Bambi before vomiting all over poor Ms Pillsbury’s shoes. He tried to calm his hilarity as they came to a stop near the school so as not to vex the other teen, but in truth Kurt looked more proud of himself than embarrassed. Sam had to wonder if amusing him hadn’t precisely been the boy’s goal all along, and found himself smiling at the thought: it was true laughing had almost felt like an unfamiliar motion. The same thankfulness he had for Kurt’s presence this past month resurfaced again, which probably explained why he let the diva bully him into watching Wicked on Kurt’s laptop this evening.
In the end he had to admit it wasn’t too bad, which was good news considering that even though he had been a bit worried about the age-appropriateness of the show Stevie and Stacy had both loved it, making Kurt look very smug indeed. Clearly his siblings were going to gang up against him next time Kurt brought another DVD, but he couldn’t bring himself to mind.
Kurt had also brought them clothes, saying it hurt his heart to even think about having to choose between less than seven outfits to get dressed. Sam was a bit sceptical but mainly moved and he hugged the other teen briefly as a thank you. As it turned out Kurt had been pretty astute when selecting clothes, managing to find some things Sam could see himself wearing in spite of their differences in height and style, but also bringing some of his old stuff for the kids. Steve was delighted to discover a small bowtie in the bag, exclaiming over how he could look like the Doctor now, while Stacy let out a small cry of appreciation as she found a finely-wrought tiara that apparently came from Kurt’s hope chest. He smiled at that and went with Kurt to the door, pressing the other boy’s arm in their customary good-bye.
***
The next morning was a bit complicated, because Stevie and Stacy wanted to wear their bowtie and tiara to school, respectively, but he wasn’t so sure it was a good idea, fearing the items would get lost or damaged and the kids would be inconsolable. His siblings finally argued that he was wearing Kurt’s gift, so why couldn’t they, and it was a valid point in kid-logic, so eventually he let them bring the items in their schoolbags, making them promise to only put them on to impress their friends during their weekly sleepovers.
He had no such problem with the beige jacket with blue printings Kurt had lent him, though it sadly didn’t flatter him as much as it probably had the slender boy. To tell the truth it felt good to wear this proof of his friend’s regard - he was pretty sure Kurt didn’t lent his clothes to just anyone - and he felt safer than he had in a long while as he walked down the corridors of McKinley high, like he’d brought a small part of their evening together at school. He even found himself smiling at Rachel, not really caring about the way she was staring incredulously at him.
His relaxed attitude turned out to be a mistake; when he met Kurt for a tutoring session after the Glee club, the other teen explained Rachel had somehow recognised the jacket (not a mean feat, considering as far as Sam could tell Kurt almost had a different outfit per day) and thought Kurt was cheating on Blaine. Kurt seemed more amused than alarmed by the assumption, promising Sam that Blaine knew they were friends and wasn’t the type to get jealous for no reason, but Sam still felt pretty terrible.
The next day felt like the calm before the storm; no other row exploded in the choir room but there weren’t many friendly conversations either, everyone a bit wary of everyone else in a way that made Sam want to despair of them all. What did it say about them that a few rumours threatened to break them apart in less than a week? He was glad to leave after rehearsal, and if he judged by the speed at which the room emptied itself he wasn’t the only one.
Quinn came over later, apparently furious with Finn, and Sam found himself patiently nodding as she raged to him about her boyfriend. It did seem a bit insensitive of her, or at least extremely self-centred, but she had brought Chinese take-away for everyone and even remembered to take a tofu salad for Sam so he felt he could let her rant a little. Once she’d spent her rage she sang to the kids for a while, who informed her they loved her voice too, though “not as much as Kurt-music”. Sam closed in eyes in mortification but she didn’t seem to take it badly, smiling a little as she agreed the countertenor was extremely talented. The only dark spot in an otherwise perfectly pleasant evening came when she asked him to accompany her with his guitar and he had to admit he didn’t have it anymore, turning away from her sympathetic look.
She gracefully let the subject drop but drew him into a tight hug at the door; Sam was surprised by the strength emanating from her embrace, though he shouldn’t have been, and he found himself pondering Kurt’s words about relationships and mutual support as he entered their motel room again. He had asked around about Quinn before their first date on Breadstix, learnt about all she had went through the previous year and concentrated on the need she probably had for a sympathetic ear, ignoring just how much courage it must have taken to go through this mostly on her own. It was a shocking moment of insight on their past relationship, a new prism through which he could see the way it had all fallen apart differently than “she was still in love with Finn and so she cheated on me to get back with him”. He couldn’t decide if it ought to make him feel better or worse right then, so he just pushed it to the back of his mind to think about later and went to sleep.
***
He found himself chatting with Artie on their way to the Glee club the next day, if only because he was a bit curious about the whole Santana/Brittany situation.
“Oh, I always forget you weren’t there last year. Yeah, Brittany had already told us that they slept together sometimes, but no one thought it was more serious than that before those last few months. I really think Santana loves Brittany, or at least as much as a viper can love anyone.” Artie sounded uncharacteristically bitter, and Sam remembered that Brittany and he had broken up only two days ago.
“I’m sorry man, that really sucks. But what about Karofsky? Isn’t Santana still dating him?”
Artie sighed, waving at one of the Vote Santofsky! posters they were passing down the halls.
“There’s your explanation for you. She wants to be popular, and she’s probably reluctant to admit she’d rather be with Brittany than with any other boy. Karofsky is just her latest try in a long string of boyfriends to make her conform to the high school social ladder’s expectations - no offence.”
It was apparently a time for epiphanies about ex-girlfriends, because this made a lot of sense when Sam thought back about Santana’s attitude.
“Oh well. At least it’s pretty hot, isn’t it? Thinking about the two of them together?” He joked carefully as they entered the choir room, wondering if it was too soon and Artie would try to roll on his foot or something. He surprised a laugh out of the other boy instead.
“You’ve got a point there, Sammy Evans. Give me five, dawg, for we dated the two hottest chicks in this school and perhaps managed to put them off boys altogether.” It was Sam’s turn to laugh as they high-fived.
It turned out that Quinn’s and Finn’s issues hadn’t been resolved since he had last talked to her, or at least that’s what Sam got from their angry solo. And then Rachel, with her habitual subtlety, tried to make sure she’d be the one to sing a duet with Finn at Nationals, Mr Schue tried to remind them he was the one who chose the songs and Quinn issued an ultimatum to her boyfriend before storming out of the choir room, furious. Sam would probably have appreciated the show more if it hadn’t felt like he could be dragged back into it at any moment.
***
The soap opera their rehearsals had become continued the next day, when Rachel sang her version of Go your own way ostensibly to Finn. Quinn naturally took offense and suddenly everyone was yelling and yep, Sam was in the middle of it once again. Santana’s declaration that she blamed him for everything made him grind his teeth, but Puck’s and Mike’s interventions were really too much and he found himself exploding.
“Shut up! Look, I'm not messing around with Quinn or Kurt or any one of those guys. They're just helping me.”
Mercedes’s snide comment about the kind of help they were talking about was even worse, because even if she didn’t believe him she should at least have known Kurt wouldn’t ever do this to Blaine. Knowing how much the other boy had helped him - and was actually still helping him, keeping silent in spite of the aspersions thrown on his character by his best friend - made him realise he had to say something, to defend Kurt’s honour if not his own.
And that’s how he found himself spilling some of the truth to the Glee club, and though he had always been a terrible liar it was easy to project anger and defeat as he spun them a story about them losing the house because he fucking wished it was true. He would have been fucking ecstatic to live with four other people in a small motel room rather than just two if it meant his family had managed to stay together through those rough times, and it was this regret that made his voice roughen and break as he proclaimed that the truth was finally out. He had to leave, then, meeting Quinn’s and Kurt’s eyes as he went, receiving unnecessary confirmation that they wouldn’t tell anyone what they knew in their twin looks of compassion.
***
He had been expecting the knock on their room’s door later this afternoon but he had thought Kurt would be the one behind the door, not his step-brother and said boy’s girlfriend, though really he should have known they would want to see it for themselves. He panicked a little and tried to keep them from coming in by pretending Stacy was trying to take a nap (something she actually hadn’t done since she was three), knowing the few belongings in their room were far too sparse for a family of five, no matter how poor, and wondering how to explain his parents’ absence. Stacy blew this excuse by coming to the door herself, obviously perfectly awake, so he reluctantly let them in.
It turned out Kurt had been right - Finn and Rachel were obviously far too embarrassed by their behaviour this week to question any of his statements as he explained just how they’d supposedly lost the house (and it had certainly happened to enough people lately that it was painfully believable), how the rest of their belongings had been sold or was in the car’s truck and how his parents were out job-hunting all day long. He also fed them the lie Kurt and he had decided on on Tuesday to explain why Kurt’d known, and even though he had never seen the slim boy do as much as touch a pizza slice they didn’t question him about it either.
In fact, the only thing they protested was the announcement that he might be leaving Glee club soon. It had nothing to do with money or time constraints; he just couldn’t stand the way he knew they’d all look at him now, even though they weren’t aware of the whole truth. He told Rachel and Finn they didn’t understand when they said he couldn’t quit, but as it turned out they understood far more than what they had any right to, because Finn was suddenly handing him a case holding a guitar he could have recognised by touch alone.
“Did you guys buy this back for me?” He asked, feeling a lump forming in his throat as they answered that the whole club had and that they’d do anything to help. To his deep embarrassment he felt his eyes burning a little, choking out that it was the first time he’d cried. He realised even as he said it that it wasn’t true, his mind going back to Kurt’s arms around him as he let two years of frustration and fear go, but he didn’t take the words back because he had no desire to share this memory with anyone. He was reminded as Stacy hugged his back that it was, however, the first time his siblings had seen him cry about their situation, and he fought to stay calm and in control because he really didn’t want them to see him lose it.
***
The weekend, after that, went by in a flash. Finn and Rachel had both offered to babysit on Friday, and though he’d been reluctant at first because he didn’t want them to stay until late and yet not see their parents come back, it turned out he hadn’t needed to worry. Apparently the Hudson-Hummel parents and Rachel’s dads all insisted on the sanctity of Friday dinners together (which made him glad Kurt hadn’t ever needed to come babysit before 9 PM on Fridays because he was pretty sure the other teen wouldn’t have told him about it) so Finn ended up bringing the kids back with him as he went home, telling Sam it was simpler for all of them to have a sleepover at his and Kurt’s place. Rachel pouted a little, exclaiming on how Finn knew how much she had always dreamt to have a sibling, but Sam felt better knowing Kurt would be here if the kids got anxious in the new environment.
Mr Hummel and Mrs Hudson had already gone to bed when he ended his deliveries, which he regretted since he’d have liked to thank them and apologise for the inconvenience, but Kurt was still up, waiting for him on the living-room’s couch.
“Hey Sam, job went okay? How many people did you blind with your uniform? Do you think the design was intended to encourage tips, in a “take my money and quickly go away, please!” kind of reasoning?”
Sam smiled as Kurt clearly indicated he didn’t have to talk about what had happened today if he didn’t want to, but that he was there to listen if he did. Sam didn’t answer the other boy’s goading comments on his unfortunate wardrobe, though, changing the subject to something he’d been worrying about instead.
“How are things with you and Blaine?”
Kurt merely blinked at the lack of segue in the conversation, used to it by now.
“Really great, thanks. We went shopping for a proper Prom outfit for him today, and though it lacks a little in fantasy he looks gorgeous in it. Why the relieved air, though?”
“I know you told me he probably wouldn’t even hear about it but I was still worried about what would happen if Rachel called him to explain you were seen in a motel with me.”
“Definitively not out of the realm of possibility, knowing her, but luckily my boyfriend knows me better than she does, so I’m sure it would have been okay anyway.” Kurt rolled his eyes with a bit of exasperated affection as he mentioned Rachel, but then his face softened. “Thanks for your concern all the same; you have a good heart, Sam Evans. But we should get to bed, we all have a busy day ahead.”
Mr Schuester had indeed pencilled in an extra rehearsal this Saturday after Sam had left the choir room - Sam wondered if he was trying to make up for lost time, considering how inefficient the club as a whole had been this week, or if he just wished to make sure everyone was alright after today’s revelations.
The next morning was rather awesome; apparently Stacy and Stevie had slept in Kurt’s room while Kurt bunked with his step-brother and Sam took the couch, but for some reason they all woke up around the same time and met in the kitchen. Kurt decided they should prepare breakfast before the adults woke up, which meant he started to cook a calorie-free collation Finn declared unable to feed a bird even as he started frying bacon next to him. Sam, though his tastes were in this clearly aligned with Kurt’s, stayed way out of the following argument, smiling a little to see them interact so easily (apparently Bipolar-Finn was firmly set in brotherly mode, which was good news), while Stacy and Stevie insisted on helping and mainly just ran everywhere and made a mess. Nonetheless, half-an-hour later both versions of breakfast were on the table, making the grown-ups exclaim in delight at the spread of food as they entered the room. His apology and thanks were quickly waved aside by Mr Hummel, who put a hand on his shoulder and gruffly told him they were always welcome here, before he started to bicker with Kurt on how many bits of bacon he should be allowed to eat today.
They then drove to school together, arriving a bit early and separating there because Stacy and Stevie wanted to see his locker and his favourite classroom and the gym and even the toilets for some reason, which meant the three blonds were actually the last ones to arrive in the choir room. He explained to Mr Schue he had wanted the kids to get out of the motel a little, not wanting to admit there was no one there to keep an eye on them, and then asked him if he could sing his song for the week’s assignment.
It was the most fun he had had in a while: there wasn’t any prepared choreography, they had never rehearsed the song, they were just running everywhere and singing at the top off their voices and it felt wonderful. It was also an opportunity for him to play his guitar a little, and it was lucky Kurt was the one to take it from him when Mike and Puck decided to lift him on their shoulders because he probably wouldn’t have let anyone else hold it, not so soon after getting it back.
Finn hugged him at the end of the song, a warm, brotherly hug that made him understand why Kurt found it so easy to forgive the tall boy anything, and he laughed a little because it was better than crying again. He felt freer, life felt simpler, and he found that for the first time in a long while it wasn’t at all difficult to paste and hold a large genuine smile on his face.
***
Now that his life had settled a little, Sam had a project he wanted to devote some time to. This project meant he spent all the free time he had at school on Monday and Tuesday, which admittedly wasn’t a lot, doing some research on the library’s computers, and the two days after that practising on his guitar.
The final step was getting Mr Schue to accept him doing a song that had nothing to do with the week’s theme (“Celebrations”, probably to prepare them for the Prom next week), which really wasn’t complicated as their teacher still seemed determined to do everything in his power to make sure Sam was as happy as possible in the club.
And so there he was, Friday afternoon, his guitar hanging around his neck, facing surprised looks - probably because, well, the last time he’d ever done this kind of announcement was the moment he’d introduced himself.
“So, um, I just wanted to take the chance to thank you all for your support this past week, you’ve all been really cool, and, well, I really appreciate it.” There was a chorus of cat-calls, scattered applause and Rachel telling him that no thanks were necessary with the hugest smile on her face. “But there’s someone who’s been going beyond and above anything I could have expected, or deserved really, and he’s the one I especially wanted to thank. So, Kurt, um, I talked with Mr Schue, and he agreed that we had a duet to sing that was long overdue.”
The boy had been very still while he talked, as if he wasn’t sure Sam was addressing him and not another Kurt in Glee club, but at that he reacted, leaning forward from his place in the front row and hissing that he hadn’t practised and that Sam couldn’t even be sure he knew the song!
Sam just smiled at Kurt, leaning towards him as he seized his hand.
“Don’t worry,” he whispered, “you know it. I got it from my repertoire of Kurt-music.” The way he phrased it clearly put Kurt off-balance, which had the advantage of leaving him standing silent in the middle of the room where Sam had dragged him, blinking and unable to protest. Sam then signalled the musicians to start playing, certain the music would be enough for Kurt to get his bearings (and his diva-attitude) back. Surely enough, Kurt couldn’t help the smile growing on his face as he recognised the music instantly, adapted as it had been. Sam strummed a few notes on his guitar, concentrating as he started singing.
“I’m limited
Just look at me - I’m limited
And just look at you
You can do all I couldn't do, Kurt
So now it's up to you
For both of us - now it's up to you...”
As he had knew he would, Kurt smoothly answered, his voice falling in step with Sam’s without a misstep.
“I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason,
Bringing something we must learn.
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...”
They sang the chorus together, two voices settling in a startlingly perfect harmony, and Sam knew a moment of regret that he could have had this seven months ago before he let it go and let himself appreciate the moment.
“Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good.”
They finished the song to a thunderous ovation, Finn the first one standing to applaud, being soon followed by every single member of the Glee club, including Santana. Kurt’s smile was impossibly big and Sam grinned at him in return.
This year had been difficult and long and stressful; and yet, as he looked at his best friend’s overjoyed face, he found he couldn’t imagine not standing here at this point of time, nor could he bring himself to regret any step of the way that had brought them here.