why i am
why i am | Sehun/Jongin | ~3k | PG-13 (tw alert) | jongin wasn't normal; sehun didn't mind.
the only sounds sehun could hear were the scraping of the windshield wipers against the glass and the sound of his teeth chattering. he sat in the passener seat of his car with his knees pulled up to his chest as he shivered throughout his core. he kept hugging his parka closer to his skinny frame. the heater had broken the day before, and he was going to get it fixed that day, but jongin had dragged him out before he could do it.
the snow kept coming in big flakes on the windshield and it was making it hard to see out of the front. it was still early in the morning, approximately seven or so, but jongin's mind was set on showing sehun what he wanted to show him, and nothing was going to stop him. he was conscious of the freezing cold air and of sehun slipping his fur hood on his head, but he didn't pay any real attention to it. he was concentrating on the dark road and getting to the broken guard rail.
sehun rubbed his stiff hands together and then blew hot breath on his fingers. jongin had got him out of the house while shoving his coat in hsi hands and he hadn't been able to grab his mittens. he glanced over at jongin and sighed, for the older man had his jaw clenched and was stiff over the steering wheel. jongin had his own coat in his lap, and the only thing shielding him from the cold was the wool sweater sehun had got him for his birthday the year before.
not being able to bear seeing jongin so under-dressed, sehun took his frozen hands out of his sleeves and reached over to fold the turtle neck up and over jongin's chin. jongin flinched at the temperature of sehun's cold hands on his warm skin, but he didn't make any other movements.
"what are we doing, jongin?" sehun whispered, fearing that if he talked any louder, he woulf upset jongin and the silence.
"i'm going to tell you a story, okay? but i need the proper setting," jongin said. his voice suggested he was shivering, but his stature didn't at all.
"okay," sehun answered, ever though he didn't understand at all. he buried his head and hands back into his coat and hugged his knees closer to his core.
it happened every year. sehun had to watch his longtime companion fall apart every year around christmas. then it happened while they were in junior high, jongin wouldn't come to school and sehun would ride his bike to his friend's house after school and hold onto him while he cried and muttered things that sehun couldn't understand. jongin's foster parents wanted to have him checked out, but sehun kept assuring them that jongin was just emotional, even though he knew it was more than that.
sehun would stay and let jongin call him names and push him awat, and he would let jongin cry into his shoulder because he could tell by the look in jongin's eyes that he wasn't talking to sehun; he was talking to someone else.
as they grew into their highschool years, sehun would invite jongin to his house over christmas break and sehun would get woken up in the middle of the night by jongin hugging him so tight that it was difficult to breathe, and mumbling things like, "don't leave me," and "i'm sorry." sehun would stroke hos hair and tell him everything's all right, but he knew jongin wasn't talking to him then either.
when they had their first kiss during senior year, sehun had agreed to move into an apartment with jongin and they both agreed to get jobs at the cafe together to pay for the home. neither of them had ever wanted to go to college. and when christmas came around then, sehun would dodge flying objects as jongin yelled, "it's all your fault," and "i'm all alone," over and over again, and sehun would press cold cloths onto jongin's forehead and hiss his knuckels lightly until he was luled into sleep.
he's been doing it since he met jongin, when they were thirteen. he's never complained, and he's never asked.
jongin slowed down the car and pulled over to the shoulder of the road. he turned off the engine before hopping out of the vehicle and into the snow. sehun watched as he slipped on his coat while walking to the passenger side. sehun flinched from the cold as jongin opened the door and took his hand. jongin's slightly bigger hand enveloped sehun's, and he smiled from the warmth he got from it. jongin helped him out of the car. as soon as sehun's feet hit the ground, he was sunk calf-deep in snow. jongin helped him over to the side where there was a broken guard rail.
sehun looked over at jongin, and he saw jongin's pained expression. he was looking at the railing that was dented in some places, and completely gone in others.
"is this what you wanted to show me?"
sehun had to hold jongin down the best he could when he tried to pull out his hair or hit himself. sehun had to lock jongin up when he wanted to go outside in a middle of a blizzard in nothing but a tee shirt and shorts. sehun had to scream and jongin and tell him, "oh my god, stop," when jongin wouldn't stop sulking and blaming himself. sehun didn't like doing it, but he knew he had to.
"once upon a time there was a seven year old boy," jongin said. his voice was quiet and sehun had to lean close to hear him. "he had grown hearing his parents calling him a mistake, a disgrace, and a money-sucker, even at his young age, he knew they didn't want him.
"when he was nine, his big sister was eighteen, and she worked really hard to get enough money to buy three tickets to the nutcracker ballet. she drove the little boy, his fifteen year old sister, and herself to the opera house where they sat in the back with binoculars and watched the dancers glide across the stage.
"when the boy was ten, he asked his mom if he could join a ballet class. ever since he had gone to the nutcracker, he had watched as many ballets he could, whether it was on television or his sister got to take him out. he hd taught himself some, but he wanted to be taught by a professional.
"the little boy chose the wrong time to ask, because his mom was drunk and angry. she hit him and called him ungrateful, and he ran, crying, to his oldest sister -- who was then nineteen -- and he cried all night. in the morning, she made him show her what he had learned. she clapped when he finished, and told him she had a surprise for him, but he had to learn three more dance moves before she would tell him what it was."
Sehun stood in silence, his hand in jongin's, and listened to the story of the young boy.
jongin danced sometimes. it was always when he thought sehun wasn't looking, or when he was really happy. he was always shy about his twirling, but sehun was fascinated. jongin only brought sehun to one ballet, and he waited for months as ballets came and went through the city until the nutcracker was playing. jongin bought booth tickets and they went to see it.
jongin cried through the whole thing.
"what was the surprise?" sehun asked after a long silence. jongin cleared his throat and wiped his eyes, and that was when sehun notcied he had ben crying.
"when the boy was eleven, he showed his new dance moves to his sister, and she clapped again and told him that the net day he had to wake up early and dress in something comfortable. at six o'clock the next morning, she dragged him an their other sister into her car and drove them to a studio. she handed the boy a small little shoe box and they went inside. she told the lady her name and then the boy was led into a dance room where he was taught ballet for the first time ever. after four hours of practice, his sisters brought him home. this went on for a couple of months. the training was every other day.
"the little boy was too happy to notice that his sisters were wearing the same three outfits over and over again, and he was too happy to notice that his sixteen year old sister had dropped out of school to work. he danced and made them smile, and that was all he noticed."
"how were his parents?" sehun whispered. jongin took a shaky breath before turning to sehun and whispering back.
"drunk."
jongin didn't like cars very much. he was fine driving them and riding in them, but he was always very tense. he always watched the road, and he wouldn't drive unless he was in perfect condition to do so.
sehun always thought it was him being responsible.
"when the boy was twelve, he got into nationals. he had worked really hard and made his sisters so proud, but they couldn't afford to get him to the competiton. they told him sorry and they told him they would give up everything to get him there, but it wasn't possible.
"the boy had cried, and then he was stupid and went to his mother again. he hadn't gotten a christmas present from his parents ever, and he thought since it was around that time if maybe they would give him the money to gom and they'd never have to devote another christmas to him again.
"what he didn't know was that in addition to his sisters paying for all of his ballet, they alos paid to keep the house in order, and they managed to give their parents money to pay off debts.
"his parents got in a fight about money, and they were so, so loud."
jongin took a shuddering breath, and sehun squeezed his hand and gave him a side hug. "you don't have to tell me, jongin. it's okay," he whispered into jongin's jaw bone. "i don't need to know."
"but i want to tell you," jongin whispered. sehun nodded and wrapped his arms around jongin's torso and kept staring at the missing railing.
"they were in the living room and threw things. the boy stayed in his room and kept his hands over his ears, and his eighteen year old sister came in and hugged him, telling him, 'it's okay, you didn't know,' and rubbed circles on his back. he cried into her shoulder, and he was about to ask where their sister was when they heard her yelling, and then her screaming in pain.
"the sister who was with him left the room in a hurry and when she came back, her eye was purple and she was dragging their older sister, who had a bloody patch of hair. the little boy ran over to them and cried garderm telling them he was so sorry."
jongin didn't talk about family. he didn't consider his foster parents family, and he didn't talk about them as such. he never talked about how he became a foster child, or if he had another family he remembered. he didn't talk about his twisted toes, and he didn't talk about the necklaces he always wore.
the only clue that he gave that he had a family was when he woke up screaming two names over and over.
"when his oldest sister woke up, she dragged them outside through the boy's window and they got in the car. she was the only one with a driver's license, so she tucked he bloody hair into on of the boy's hats, and climbed behnd the wheel even thought she wasn't in fit condition to--" jongin's voice cracked and his breath started to come in short bursts.
"jongin, you really don't have to--"
"she drove wherever her hands steered the wheel. the little boy was sitting behind her in the back seat, and his other sister was sitting in the passenger seat. she drove them out on the freeway even though the snow was making it impossible to see. she wasn't breathing right, ans she was starting to shake, but her siblings stayed silent.
"the car flipped here," jongin said and pointed to the broken railing. "it flipped and they rolled."
they never went to amusement parks. jongin couldn't stand to see the twisting and flipping of the roller coasters. sehun was okay with that, because he never like the rides anyway, but there were times when he just wanted to win jongin a stuffed animal and walk hand in hand with him as they shared cotton candy.
but after seeig the terrified expression on jongin's face when people talked about roller coasters, sehun never suggested it.
jongin began to cry, but he dragged sehun down the hill and they walked slowly.
"his eighteen year old sister was crushed by the vehicle and died instantly. the little boy's vision was clouded with so much red, and he didn't remember to scream for his own pain when his head hit the window so hard it smashed into little pieces. he was too busy screaming for his sisters." jongin stopped them and pointed to a rock that was jutting out.
"they jumped here. the car flew and hit there," he gasped and pointed to a tree that was tipped violently and broken in the middle. jongin moved them over to the tree, the amount of tears on his face multiplying. "his eighteen year old sister was bleeding everywhere, and she lay flopped out of the broke window., the only thing holding her down was her seatbelt.
"his twenty-one year old sister was unconscious, but alive. she was breathing -- barely -- and she was slumped in the wheel well because her seatbelt came undone.
"the twelve year old boy's seat belt was only around his waist, and he was hanging by it. it was digging into his hips. he couldn't feel his arm, and his head was throbbing, but he couldn't stop screaming the names of his sisters."
jongin began to sob, and sehun hugged him tight, pressing the man's head to his chest and rocking them back and forth.
"the doctors came and got the sisters out, but it tok a long time to get eht barely conscious boy out. he didn't remeber much other than them saying one of the girls was dead. the other was barely holding on; he might have brain damage, and that there was blood everywhere on the snow. after that, all he remembered was not being able to see his older sister, and then being told hse was dead and he would have to go into foster care because his parents were arrested and--"
"i know the rest, jongin. you don't have to say anything else."
"i don't want to be alone," jongin whispered, it was barely audible.
"i'll take care of you."
"you would have gotten along so well with jinae," jongin cried and snaked his arms around sehun's waist. "she was my oldest sister," jongin said, answering sehun's unasked question. "jinkyong was the other one. they would have liked toy. they would have taken you in and--"
jongin didn't continue any more. he just kept crying and crying, and sehun had to eventually coax him back into the car.
jongin didn't like winter time. he hated it. he shut himself up most of the time, and cried for the rest of it. sehun didn't say anything about it, and he only saw a psychologist when he found jongin sitting alone in a room, but talking to someone.
it scared him, and sehun went right away.
the psychologist had jongin taken away from sehun.
sehun was devastated, but, surprisingly, jongin was okay. sehun didn't know joning was okay because he never got to visit him. jongin was always "under surveillance," so sehun didn't get to go and see him. ehun was under the impression jongin hated him.
he was totured every day at the thought of jongin hating him, and it soon drove him insane. he couldn't look at himself in the mirror because he declared himself a disgrace. the mirrors were all broken, and sehun had bandages on his arms constantly. he was so far into his depression that he cut his forearms because he was hurt, and then he cut them some more beccause he was ashamed for cutting them. nothing really made sense to him anymore.
sehun didn't make it to the next winter because he accidentally cut too deeply one evening, but no one believed it was an accident.
jongin thought that it was okay he was taken. he wasn't happy about it, but it wasn't something that he was angry about. he figured he'd get better and then go back to sehun. he didn't like the way he burdened the youngert man anyway. besides, his sisters had started to keep him company, so being there wasn't that bad.
he constatly wondered how sehun was doing, but the doctors kept saying that he couldn't have visitors ye. he just accepted it and kept going with his days, but he was always haunted by the image of sehun hurting himself.
jongin kept talkign to shadows, and eventually, there was a new one added to the mix and jongin looked at the new arrival adoringly, because the new shadow was the one he had been wishing for for a long time.
a/n: excuse my typos.
the only sounds sehun could hear were the scraping of the windshield wipers against the glass and the sound of his teeth chattering. he sat in the passener seat of his car with his knees pulled up to his chest as he shivered throughout his core. he kept hugging his parka closer to his skinny frame. the heater had broken the day before, and he was going to get it fixed that day, but jongin had dragged him out before he could do it.
the snow kept coming in big flakes on the windshield and it was making it hard to see out of the front. it was still early in the morning, approximately seven or so, but jongin's mind was set on showing sehun what he wanted to show him, and nothing was going to stop him. he was conscious of the freezing cold air and of sehun slipping his fur hood on his head, but he didn't pay any real attention to it. he was concentrating on the dark road and getting to the broken guard rail.
sehun rubbed his stiff hands together and then blew hot breath on his fingers. jongin had got him out of the house while shoving his coat in hsi hands and he hadn't been able to grab his mittens. he glanced over at jongin and sighed, for the older man had his jaw clenched and was stiff over the steering wheel. jongin had his own coat in his lap, and the only thing shielding him from the cold was the wool sweater sehun had got him for his birthday the year before.
not being able to bear seeing jongin so under-dressed, sehun took his frozen hands out of his sleeves and reached over to fold the turtle neck up and over jongin's chin. jongin flinched at the temperature of sehun's cold hands on his warm skin, but he didn't make any other movements.
"what are we doing, jongin?" sehun whispered, fearing that if he talked any louder, he woulf upset jongin and the silence.
"i'm going to tell you a story, okay? but i need the proper setting," jongin said. his voice suggested he was shivering, but his stature didn't at all.
"okay," sehun answered, ever though he didn't understand at all. he buried his head and hands back into his coat and hugged his knees closer to his core.
it happened every year. sehun had to watch his longtime companion fall apart every year around christmas. then it happened while they were in junior high, jongin wouldn't come to school and sehun would ride his bike to his friend's house after school and hold onto him while he cried and muttered things that sehun couldn't understand. jongin's foster parents wanted to have him checked out, but sehun kept assuring them that jongin was just emotional, even though he knew it was more than that.
sehun would stay and let jongin call him names and push him awat, and he would let jongin cry into his shoulder because he could tell by the look in jongin's eyes that he wasn't talking to sehun; he was talking to someone else.
as they grew into their highschool years, sehun would invite jongin to his house over christmas break and sehun would get woken up in the middle of the night by jongin hugging him so tight that it was difficult to breathe, and mumbling things like, "don't leave me," and "i'm sorry." sehun would stroke hos hair and tell him everything's all right, but he knew jongin wasn't talking to him then either.
when they had their first kiss during senior year, sehun had agreed to move into an apartment with jongin and they both agreed to get jobs at the cafe together to pay for the home. neither of them had ever wanted to go to college. and when christmas came around then, sehun would dodge flying objects as jongin yelled, "it's all your fault," and "i'm all alone," over and over again, and sehun would press cold cloths onto jongin's forehead and hiss his knuckels lightly until he was luled into sleep.
he's been doing it since he met jongin, when they were thirteen. he's never complained, and he's never asked.
jongin slowed down the car and pulled over to the shoulder of the road. he turned off the engine before hopping out of the vehicle and into the snow. sehun watched as he slipped on his coat while walking to the passenger side. sehun flinched from the cold as jongin opened the door and took his hand. jongin's slightly bigger hand enveloped sehun's, and he smiled from the warmth he got from it. jongin helped him out of the car. as soon as sehun's feet hit the ground, he was sunk calf-deep in snow. jongin helped him over to the side where there was a broken guard rail.
sehun looked over at jongin, and he saw jongin's pained expression. he was looking at the railing that was dented in some places, and completely gone in others.
"is this what you wanted to show me?"
sehun had to hold jongin down the best he could when he tried to pull out his hair or hit himself. sehun had to lock jongin up when he wanted to go outside in a middle of a blizzard in nothing but a tee shirt and shorts. sehun had to scream and jongin and tell him, "oh my god, stop," when jongin wouldn't stop sulking and blaming himself. sehun didn't like doing it, but he knew he had to.
"once upon a time there was a seven year old boy," jongin said. his voice was quiet and sehun had to lean close to hear him. "he had grown hearing his parents calling him a mistake, a disgrace, and a money-sucker, even at his young age, he knew they didn't want him.
"when he was nine, his big sister was eighteen, and she worked really hard to get enough money to buy three tickets to the nutcracker ballet. she drove the little boy, his fifteen year old sister, and herself to the opera house where they sat in the back with binoculars and watched the dancers glide across the stage.
"when the boy was ten, he asked his mom if he could join a ballet class. ever since he had gone to the nutcracker, he had watched as many ballets he could, whether it was on television or his sister got to take him out. he hd taught himself some, but he wanted to be taught by a professional.
"the little boy chose the wrong time to ask, because his mom was drunk and angry. she hit him and called him ungrateful, and he ran, crying, to his oldest sister -- who was then nineteen -- and he cried all night. in the morning, she made him show her what he had learned. she clapped when he finished, and told him she had a surprise for him, but he had to learn three more dance moves before she would tell him what it was."
Sehun stood in silence, his hand in jongin's, and listened to the story of the young boy.
jongin danced sometimes. it was always when he thought sehun wasn't looking, or when he was really happy. he was always shy about his twirling, but sehun was fascinated. jongin only brought sehun to one ballet, and he waited for months as ballets came and went through the city until the nutcracker was playing. jongin bought booth tickets and they went to see it.
jongin cried through the whole thing.
"what was the surprise?" sehun asked after a long silence. jongin cleared his throat and wiped his eyes, and that was when sehun notcied he had ben crying.
"when the boy was eleven, he showed his new dance moves to his sister, and she clapped again and told him that the net day he had to wake up early and dress in something comfortable. at six o'clock the next morning, she dragged him an their other sister into her car and drove them to a studio. she handed the boy a small little shoe box and they went inside. she told the lady her name and then the boy was led into a dance room where he was taught ballet for the first time ever. after four hours of practice, his sisters brought him home. this went on for a couple of months. the training was every other day.
"the little boy was too happy to notice that his sisters were wearing the same three outfits over and over again, and he was too happy to notice that his sixteen year old sister had dropped out of school to work. he danced and made them smile, and that was all he noticed."
"how were his parents?" sehun whispered. jongin took a shaky breath before turning to sehun and whispering back.
"drunk."
jongin didn't like cars very much. he was fine driving them and riding in them, but he was always very tense. he always watched the road, and he wouldn't drive unless he was in perfect condition to do so.
sehun always thought it was him being responsible.
"when the boy was twelve, he got into nationals. he had worked really hard and made his sisters so proud, but they couldn't afford to get him to the competiton. they told him sorry and they told him they would give up everything to get him there, but it wasn't possible.
"the boy had cried, and then he was stupid and went to his mother again. he hadn't gotten a christmas present from his parents ever, and he thought since it was around that time if maybe they would give him the money to gom and they'd never have to devote another christmas to him again.
"what he didn't know was that in addition to his sisters paying for all of his ballet, they alos paid to keep the house in order, and they managed to give their parents money to pay off debts.
"his parents got in a fight about money, and they were so, so loud."
jongin took a shuddering breath, and sehun squeezed his hand and gave him a side hug. "you don't have to tell me, jongin. it's okay," he whispered into jongin's jaw bone. "i don't need to know."
"but i want to tell you," jongin whispered. sehun nodded and wrapped his arms around jongin's torso and kept staring at the missing railing.
"they were in the living room and threw things. the boy stayed in his room and kept his hands over his ears, and his eighteen year old sister came in and hugged him, telling him, 'it's okay, you didn't know,' and rubbed circles on his back. he cried into her shoulder, and he was about to ask where their sister was when they heard her yelling, and then her screaming in pain.
"the sister who was with him left the room in a hurry and when she came back, her eye was purple and she was dragging their older sister, who had a bloody patch of hair. the little boy ran over to them and cried garderm telling them he was so sorry."
jongin didn't talk about family. he didn't consider his foster parents family, and he didn't talk about them as such. he never talked about how he became a foster child, or if he had another family he remembered. he didn't talk about his twisted toes, and he didn't talk about the necklaces he always wore.
the only clue that he gave that he had a family was when he woke up screaming two names over and over.
"when his oldest sister woke up, she dragged them outside through the boy's window and they got in the car. she was the only one with a driver's license, so she tucked he bloody hair into on of the boy's hats, and climbed behnd the wheel even thought she wasn't in fit condition to--" jongin's voice cracked and his breath started to come in short bursts.
"jongin, you really don't have to--"
"she drove wherever her hands steered the wheel. the little boy was sitting behind her in the back seat, and his other sister was sitting in the passenger seat. she drove them out on the freeway even though the snow was making it impossible to see. she wasn't breathing right, ans she was starting to shake, but her siblings stayed silent.
"the car flipped here," jongin said and pointed to the broken railing. "it flipped and they rolled."
they never went to amusement parks. jongin couldn't stand to see the twisting and flipping of the roller coasters. sehun was okay with that, because he never like the rides anyway, but there were times when he just wanted to win jongin a stuffed animal and walk hand in hand with him as they shared cotton candy.
but after seeig the terrified expression on jongin's face when people talked about roller coasters, sehun never suggested it.
jongin began to cry, but he dragged sehun down the hill and they walked slowly.
"his eighteen year old sister was crushed by the vehicle and died instantly. the little boy's vision was clouded with so much red, and he didn't remember to scream for his own pain when his head hit the window so hard it smashed into little pieces. he was too busy screaming for his sisters." jongin stopped them and pointed to a rock that was jutting out.
"they jumped here. the car flew and hit there," he gasped and pointed to a tree that was tipped violently and broken in the middle. jongin moved them over to the tree, the amount of tears on his face multiplying. "his eighteen year old sister was bleeding everywhere, and she lay flopped out of the broke window., the only thing holding her down was her seatbelt.
"his twenty-one year old sister was unconscious, but alive. she was breathing -- barely -- and she was slumped in the wheel well because her seatbelt came undone.
"the twelve year old boy's seat belt was only around his waist, and he was hanging by it. it was digging into his hips. he couldn't feel his arm, and his head was throbbing, but he couldn't stop screaming the names of his sisters."
jongin began to sob, and sehun hugged him tight, pressing the man's head to his chest and rocking them back and forth.
"the doctors came and got the sisters out, but it tok a long time to get eht barely conscious boy out. he didn't remeber much other than them saying one of the girls was dead. the other was barely holding on; he might have brain damage, and that there was blood everywhere on the snow. after that, all he remembered was not being able to see his older sister, and then being told hse was dead and he would have to go into foster care because his parents were arrested and--"
"i know the rest, jongin. you don't have to say anything else."
"i don't want to be alone," jongin whispered, it was barely audible.
"i'll take care of you."
"you would have gotten along so well with jinae," jongin cried and snaked his arms around sehun's waist. "she was my oldest sister," jongin said, answering sehun's unasked question. "jinkyong was the other one. they would have liked toy. they would have taken you in and--"
jongin didn't continue any more. he just kept crying and crying, and sehun had to eventually coax him back into the car.
jongin didn't like winter time. he hated it. he shut himself up most of the time, and cried for the rest of it. sehun didn't say anything about it, and he only saw a psychologist when he found jongin sitting alone in a room, but talking to someone.
it scared him, and sehun went right away.
the psychologist had jongin taken away from sehun.
sehun was devastated, but, surprisingly, jongin was okay. sehun didn't know joning was okay because he never got to visit him. jongin was always "under surveillance," so sehun didn't get to go and see him. ehun was under the impression jongin hated him.
he was totured every day at the thought of jongin hating him, and it soon drove him insane. he couldn't look at himself in the mirror because he declared himself a disgrace. the mirrors were all broken, and sehun had bandages on his arms constantly. he was so far into his depression that he cut his forearms because he was hurt, and then he cut them some more beccause he was ashamed for cutting them. nothing really made sense to him anymore.
sehun didn't make it to the next winter because he accidentally cut too deeply one evening, but no one believed it was an accident.
jongin thought that it was okay he was taken. he wasn't happy about it, but it wasn't something that he was angry about. he figured he'd get better and then go back to sehun. he didn't like the way he burdened the youngert man anyway. besides, his sisters had started to keep him company, so being there wasn't that bad.
he constatly wondered how sehun was doing, but the doctors kept saying that he couldn't have visitors ye. he just accepted it and kept going with his days, but he was always haunted by the image of sehun hurting himself.
jongin kept talkign to shadows, and eventually, there was a new one added to the mix and jongin looked at the new arrival adoringly, because the new shadow was the one he had been wishing for for a long time.
a/n: excuse my typos.