popstar!Sulu fic #2
So You Think You Know Hikaru Sulu?
Myth #11: Hikaru Sulu wears luck like a crown he inherited, without flaunting. He cannot see it, just as no one can see the top of their head without a mirror, but others can. They can see it all too well, its golden gleam silently taunting, its regal grace daunting, yearning to bathe in the wake of luck's starry trail, for surely, by definition, the privileged have much to spare.
"Thanks," Hikaru says.
Joy seeps into the crevices of Pavel's heart, like the pleasant bubbling warmth of champagne or Felix Felicis2. The thought dances in his head: I have just saved my childhood idol and I know now that the sum total of my experience past is for this singular purpose.
"No problem," Kirk says, and hope collapses like a house of cards.
Pavel feels like the biggest idiot, cheeks flushing with rosy shame at the exhilaration still coursing through his veins. If he had been sharper he would have remembered that his portion in life is to do such a good job at everything that effort neatly tucks itself under a cloak of invisibility3.
And if he remembered that he would not have failed to take into account the rate at which Vulcan was falling into itself, he would have been able to warn Madam Grayson to take a step back, or input gravitational factors into her beam frequency.
For it is written in his stars that he will forever be denied causes for celebration. Pavel knows himself to be deficient in luck. And he knows that there's a bubbling bitterness in him that unfairly resents Hikaru Sulu.
But is Hikaru Sulu born lucky? Pavel's judgment is too clouded.
Myth #2: Hikaru Sulu does not stink, literally. Even after strenuous physical activity Hikaru Sulu doesn't reek of body odor, smelling like a otherworldly, inhuman bouquet of faint detergent3 and forest ferns.
"Hey," Hikaru says, and Pavel realizes it's directed at him. "You saved my life there. Guess I should thank you for it."
Pavel barely manages a weak smile. Oh, of course Hikaru thanks him now. "I lost Spock's mom," he says, shrugging off Hikaru's gratitude.
Hikaru pulls him into an awkward hug. "It was an accident, you know? Maybe you can dwell on it later, but for now there's work to be done on the bridge."
Pavel doesn't know what he is supposed to feel, so he nips all emotion in the bud and walks back to the bridge to resume duty.
He can, however, confirm the myth that Hikaru Sulu does not exude any bodily scent. When Hikaru pulls him into that hug (that hug!) he smells of metal and clay dirt, scents picked up from around him. There may be a scientific explanation for this, that he has a lack of apocrine glands4. It is psychologically jarring that Pavel cannot assign a smell signature to Hikaru.
Myth #3: Hikaru Sulu is fearlessly open and honest, a favorite of interviewers.
Oh hell no. For weeks after they officially set off on their mission Sulu is besieged by his previous chart-topping hits, playing in the hallways and sung in the corridors. People ask him to compare life on the Enterprise to life before. Throngs of ex-fans throw themselves all over Sulu. The faction of non-fans look down disapprovingly at the madness that has consumed the ship. Kirk jokes about bringing him onto planets as a shining beacon of Earth culture to impress diplomats and governing bodies.
Hikaru Sulu is embarrassed by it all. His obvious discomfort in the face of all this cajoling only serves to fuel it further.
Through some curious twist of fate Pavel has become his refuge from the ceaseless teasing. By god, they actually do hit it off--it is what amazes Pavel most of all. He cannot decide if it is because he has spent most of his life cultivating a personality to fit Sulu's interests or if something larger is at work.
He calibrates every aspect of his life to reinforce the notion Sulu has about him that he's the only one on the ship who does not belong to the set of rabid fans (F) or the set that has a vendetta against former boyband members (V), and at the same time belongs to the set of approachable, friendly people (A).
A intersect not(F union V) = Pavel Andreievich Chekov?5 Seriously, where did Sulu get the idea? Pavel has since shifted the entire discography of Los Rayos into a hidden folder on the computer, and renamed all the songs for extra security. God forbid Hikaru Sulu ever finds out about his sordid past re: Los Rayos. Thank god music files were the only Los Rayos-related thing Pavel brought onboard. Thank god for having outgrown them in the Academy and please god, please let my mother have destroyed all remnants of Los Rayos from the bedroom in Piter.
The verdict to myth #3 is plausible within the bounds of a safe environment in which Hikaru Sulu does not feel threatened by popular expectation. He goes to Pavel's bedroom to fondle his copy of Oblomov6 and confess about hating his former self. He wishes the people of V were more rampant and vocal on the ship, so that the people of F would quit it. Pavel discerns, with his exclusive access to Sulu's uncensored thoughts, that talking about Los Rayos to Sulu is tantamount to torture. He tells others to quit it because he tells himself that Sulu will love him for it. Truth is he tells others to quit it because he loves Sulu too much to admit, and seeing Sulu feel miserable is tantamount to his own torture.
People mock him for being a hopeless nerd with no concept of popular culture, but a bigger identity crisis haunts Pavel's neurons: is he the creepy fan who accidentally gains access to his idol, or is he truly Sulu's contemporary? The former precludes any possibility of a serious relationship, the latter too improbable, too wondrous to imagine.
Myth #4: A serious relationship between P. Chekov and H. Sulu is workable
Time passes, and the ship has sort of eased up on the mania of having an ex-celeb on board. On the surface of things what remains is mostly good-natured ribbing, increasingly infrequent, because it is getting so old, and anyway most people come to realize that Hikaru Sulu is not who they want him to be.
On the surface of it they are fast friends now, Hikaru and Pavel, odd that. Pavel feels a fraud and knows he is a fraud. He is wondering about the day Hikaru will uncover his past devotion. Hikaru will recoil in horror, he knows, and he knows this because he is Hikaru's good-enough (not best) friend. Hikaru will probably run away, either one of them will have to be reassigned and they will spend the rest of their lives avoiding each other while Hikaru picks up with the next person down the list of A intersect not(F union V).
Because everyone knows "celebrities" don't go out with fans. They can be nice to you, they might embrace you, oftentimes they do, but you firmly reside in the sphere of their public self. To them it must be tacky to go out with someone who adores them more than they will ever be able to reciprocate; it is a reflection upon their sense of self and prima facie evidence7 that they suffer from self-esteem issues and some degree of desperation.
It is nigh impossible for the fan legion to traverse the thick wall of transparent aluminum8 that separates them from their idols. This myth has got to be busted.
Myth #5: Pop is manufactured and insincere, superficial posturing for the sake of frivolity
Pavel has gotten so good at pretending he isn't an ex-fan that he actually forgets he was ever a fan. Having conveniently forgotten his roots, he conveniently neglects to take into account the ramifications of bringing Sulu to his hometown on shore leave. It is only after they beam down to earth that Pavel remembers he has to take the necessary precautions. He calls his mother and asks her to rid his room of all damning evidence.
They arrive in St Petersburg in the middle of winter, because Sulu says he has always wanted to go to St Petersburg but never had the opportunity to9, and it so happens that shore leave was scheduled in the winter months. Pavel eats an ice cream10 while Sulu waddles along behind him, padded fat and huddling from the cold.
When they get to the door of the identikit apartment in the anonymous public housing estate Pavel asks his mother, in a heavily coded way, if she has "tidied up" the room. She beams with a megawatt smile and says yes, my Pashushka11, exactly the way you want it.
His mother feeds them greedily with beetroot soup, potato pancakes, shashlik and dumplings12. Pavel heaves a sigh of relief when it seems that Hikaru is thoroughly enjoying himself, but the odd question about Los Rayos thrown his way courtesy of mother strikes panic in his heart now and again. Hikaru doesn't seem to mind the questions when mother asks them, so it means that all should be well.
They retire from the dining table with the vinyl lace tablecloth to the brown tweedy sofa with the hallucinogenic throws13 only three paces away, located in the same room. Mother scurries to the kitchen to bring out the cherry vodka14. Hikaru excuses himself to the bathroom and comes back looking a little funny.
Oh shit, Pavel thinks.
Mother comes out with the cherry vodka and lays the jar and glasses on coasters from Singapore15 (a gift from their neighbor). The coffee table is layered in the same lace-printed vinyl as on their dining table. She asks Hikaru if he is staying the night. "I'm going back to my hotel," Hikaru replies.
Hotel? What fucking hotel? When vodka has absolutely no effect on making a person look less tense and shifty you know that it is truly oh shit indeed. For one, in all their discussions Hikaru was going to stay the night--he would get Pavel's bed and Pavel would get a crummy mattress on the floor, no problem at all.
The night ends pretty soon after that. Mother insists Hikaru stay the night but Hikaru goes on about that mythical hotel room of his. For the longest moment Pavel thinks Hikaru can return his stuck up ass16 to that nonexistent hotel room for all he cares, while he will lock himself in the bathroom and spill lavish tears.
But he doesn't know why, even with tear ducts threatening to leak unglamorously he says to Sulu with a set jaw that he'll walk him back to the "hotel".
A pained look flashes across Sulu's face but he relents.
They trudge along, in the snow, in silence. It is minus however many fucking degrees and Pavel swears to god he will not cry now, not when the tears will freeze like stupid icicles on his cheeks. It is pretty clear that Sulu opened the wrong door looking for the bathroom and mother hasn't actually rid the walls of the posters. Did you see the way she kept pestering him with questions about Los Rayos? How in hell did it take him so long to catch on? Pavel fights back the urge to scream at Sulu, aren't you fucking freezing to death? where is this fucking hotel of yours? and okay you can fucking leave me now, but don't be such a creep and say something before I fucking throw myself into the Neva, which is frozen anyway so all I'll get is a fucking concussion which come to think of it isn't a bad thing if I lose my memory and start again from scratch.
They trudge along, and lo, they actually arrive at a fucking hotel. Pavel rages at the ease with which Sulu finds his way around Piter, it feels like his city has betrayed him by leading Sulu to that mythi-fucking-cal ho-tel.
Sulu turns to him with an embarrassed grimace and gestures, pointing a thumb backward at the hotel. "I'll be...I'll be seeing you then," he says.
Pavel has his hands stuffed in his pockets and he is pointedly avoiding Sulu, gaze fixed on a puddle of frozen dog's pee17. He is aware that Sulu is standing there waiting for him to give him permission to run away.
"Do you have a reservation?" Pavel asks forcefully.
Sulu fails to reply. The wind howls in their ears, the snow swirls in violent spirals. Finally, after a protracted silence, Sulu says, "Oh god I am such a douchebag."
"The hell you are," Pavel concurs vehemently.
"I'm sorry," Sulu says.
For what? Pavel thinks. Do you expect instant forgiveness or what?
"I went into the wrong room," Sulu explains.
"Yeah, I could have guessed," Pavel interrupts, in a cut-the-crap tone.
"I just--you never told me," Sulu says, pushing the onus of explanation back at him.
"Oh, what do you want to know?" Pavel explodes exasperatedly. "That I was completely in love with you for most of my life? That I knew every one of your songs by heart and dance moves too?"
Sulu looks at him with an unreadable expression. Oh right, Pavel thinks, maybe he didn't want to know.
"Well," Pavel starts again. "That was the past. I was ten and I was stupid. I had no friends. I needed something to cling on to and it just so happened to be you, okay? I could say I'm ashamed of it all now, but the truth is I'm not. I don't know if I would have aspired to Starfleet if it wasn't for you."
"That's not true," Sulu cuts in. "You're smart, you're brilliant, you'd have got into Starfleet any day."
"I don't mean that. I mean, considering Starfleet in the first place. I could have gone to some fancy science academy or something but for some reason I just wanted to go to San Francisco."
Sulu merely stands there gormlessly so Pavel adds, "I'm not embarrassed, okay? I'm not going to be embarrassed. Maybe you want me to say that I'm ashamed of it and we can all consign questionable histories to the recycle bin for permanent deletion but I'm going to have to say now that being a hysterical, crazy stupid fanboy is a part of me I have to live with. You can take it or leave it. I'll hold nothing against you."
Sulu is shivering in the cold. Another hour and his nose is going to fall off, Pavel thinks.
"You and me," Sulu says, carefully considering his words. "I think we're meant to be." It sounds like part of a song.
Pavel laughs. The laugh comes out harsher than intended.
"I mean, it's a funny thing but when I think about my past now," Sulu says, "somehow I've kind of woven you into all my experiences. It's like you were always there. And you're right, you know? I've got to face it, no matter how much it makes me cringe. I could excise it but I wouldn't be me." Sulu laughs. "Sorry for the horrendous sentimental tripe, the insipid turns of phrases."
Pavel smiles. "We should get somewhere warm, your nose is going to fall off soon."
Hikaru is genuinely horrified by the statement. Reception would kick them out for looking like a pair of drunken hobos so they walk back to Pavel's mother's apartment.
Along the way they dance and sing, thankful that there's not a soul in sight, not a soul who will report them to the Council for Propriety for committing the punishable-by-excommunication-and-even-death social faux pas of not being ashamed of dodgy pasts18.
originally posted here
Notes and commentary:
1 I was watching MythBusters. The MythBusters Busted/Plausible/Confirmed verdict is somewhat employed.
2 Harry Potter! Of course Harry Potter survives into the 23rd century. :D
2 Harry Potter again.
3 Wait what detergent?! Don't they throw their clothes into a replicator? Pls to ignore.
4 Scientifically...supported?
5 For the geeks. Set notation: A ⋂ (F ∪ V)' But my maths is rusty so I hope I didn't get it wrong.
6 Oblomov, written by Ivan Goncharov. It's about a guy who doesn't get out of bed until 150 pages into the book.
7 In part one of Popstar!Sulu I used the term "moratorium". Now I use "prima facie evidence". I don't do law but I have a few compulsory law modules.
8 Har har har transparent aluminium. There are so many parts in this where I am like, wtf did I actually think I was being ~clever~. *cringes*
9 Hey, remember when he performed in Moscow? Turns out Sulu really wanted to perform in St Petersburg but it just didn't happen.
10 I read in a Lonely Planet guidebook that people in Russia eat ice cream in all weather. Personally I love to eat ice cream when it's cold out, too. :D
11 In part 1, the bullies called Chekov 'Pavka'. The -ushka suffix is apparently even fonder and more familial than a simple -sha, hence 'Pashushka'.
12 There's a Russian restaurant in Singapore I'm very fond of. ;_; (see #14)
13 This, and the identikit apartment in anonymous housing block--I was going for a lower-middle class Chekov. Also that vinyl lace printed tablecloths are a main feature of my grandma's house, though we're not in any way Russian.
14 I grew up there. Interestingly there is a Russian song, the Tango Magnolia by Alexander Vertinsky that romanticises Singapore as a travel destination.
15 Cherry vodka!
16 I decided that even in the 23rd century there would likely be class differences. I'm afraid class differences will always plague the human race. Sulu may not feel the class difference, because he's nice enough to not realise it exists, but Chekov, who is lower-middle here, knows full well the difference.
17 Dog pee. Hee hee. There are quite a few Russian stories on dogs, I think. Anton Chekhov has some I think, but I can't remember which. There's also Heart of a Dog by Mikhail Bulgakov.
18 I kind of made that resolution to myself, because I have a pretty dodgy fannish past. Also the Council for Propriety sounds like a very Russian-humour sort of thing to write.
Myth #11: Hikaru Sulu wears luck like a crown he inherited, without flaunting. He cannot see it, just as no one can see the top of their head without a mirror, but others can. They can see it all too well, its golden gleam silently taunting, its regal grace daunting, yearning to bathe in the wake of luck's starry trail, for surely, by definition, the privileged have much to spare.
"Thanks," Hikaru says.
Joy seeps into the crevices of Pavel's heart, like the pleasant bubbling warmth of champagne or Felix Felicis2. The thought dances in his head: I have just saved my childhood idol and I know now that the sum total of my experience past is for this singular purpose.
"No problem," Kirk says, and hope collapses like a house of cards.
Pavel feels like the biggest idiot, cheeks flushing with rosy shame at the exhilaration still coursing through his veins. If he had been sharper he would have remembered that his portion in life is to do such a good job at everything that effort neatly tucks itself under a cloak of invisibility3.
And if he remembered that he would not have failed to take into account the rate at which Vulcan was falling into itself, he would have been able to warn Madam Grayson to take a step back, or input gravitational factors into her beam frequency.
For it is written in his stars that he will forever be denied causes for celebration. Pavel knows himself to be deficient in luck. And he knows that there's a bubbling bitterness in him that unfairly resents Hikaru Sulu.
But is Hikaru Sulu born lucky? Pavel's judgment is too clouded.
Myth #2: Hikaru Sulu does not stink, literally. Even after strenuous physical activity Hikaru Sulu doesn't reek of body odor, smelling like a otherworldly, inhuman bouquet of faint detergent3 and forest ferns.
"Hey," Hikaru says, and Pavel realizes it's directed at him. "You saved my life there. Guess I should thank you for it."
Pavel barely manages a weak smile. Oh, of course Hikaru thanks him now. "I lost Spock's mom," he says, shrugging off Hikaru's gratitude.
Hikaru pulls him into an awkward hug. "It was an accident, you know? Maybe you can dwell on it later, but for now there's work to be done on the bridge."
Pavel doesn't know what he is supposed to feel, so he nips all emotion in the bud and walks back to the bridge to resume duty.
He can, however, confirm the myth that Hikaru Sulu does not exude any bodily scent. When Hikaru pulls him into that hug (that hug!) he smells of metal and clay dirt, scents picked up from around him. There may be a scientific explanation for this, that he has a lack of apocrine glands4. It is psychologically jarring that Pavel cannot assign a smell signature to Hikaru.
Myth #3: Hikaru Sulu is fearlessly open and honest, a favorite of interviewers.
Oh hell no. For weeks after they officially set off on their mission Sulu is besieged by his previous chart-topping hits, playing in the hallways and sung in the corridors. People ask him to compare life on the Enterprise to life before. Throngs of ex-fans throw themselves all over Sulu. The faction of non-fans look down disapprovingly at the madness that has consumed the ship. Kirk jokes about bringing him onto planets as a shining beacon of Earth culture to impress diplomats and governing bodies.
Hikaru Sulu is embarrassed by it all. His obvious discomfort in the face of all this cajoling only serves to fuel it further.
Through some curious twist of fate Pavel has become his refuge from the ceaseless teasing. By god, they actually do hit it off--it is what amazes Pavel most of all. He cannot decide if it is because he has spent most of his life cultivating a personality to fit Sulu's interests or if something larger is at work.
He calibrates every aspect of his life to reinforce the notion Sulu has about him that he's the only one on the ship who does not belong to the set of rabid fans (F) or the set that has a vendetta against former boyband members (V), and at the same time belongs to the set of approachable, friendly people (A).
A intersect not(F union V) = Pavel Andreievich Chekov?5 Seriously, where did Sulu get the idea? Pavel has since shifted the entire discography of Los Rayos into a hidden folder on the computer, and renamed all the songs for extra security. God forbid Hikaru Sulu ever finds out about his sordid past re: Los Rayos. Thank god music files were the only Los Rayos-related thing Pavel brought onboard. Thank god for having outgrown them in the Academy and please god, please let my mother have destroyed all remnants of Los Rayos from the bedroom in Piter.
The verdict to myth #3 is plausible within the bounds of a safe environment in which Hikaru Sulu does not feel threatened by popular expectation. He goes to Pavel's bedroom to fondle his copy of Oblomov6 and confess about hating his former self. He wishes the people of V were more rampant and vocal on the ship, so that the people of F would quit it. Pavel discerns, with his exclusive access to Sulu's uncensored thoughts, that talking about Los Rayos to Sulu is tantamount to torture. He tells others to quit it because he tells himself that Sulu will love him for it. Truth is he tells others to quit it because he loves Sulu too much to admit, and seeing Sulu feel miserable is tantamount to his own torture.
People mock him for being a hopeless nerd with no concept of popular culture, but a bigger identity crisis haunts Pavel's neurons: is he the creepy fan who accidentally gains access to his idol, or is he truly Sulu's contemporary? The former precludes any possibility of a serious relationship, the latter too improbable, too wondrous to imagine.
Myth #4: A serious relationship between P. Chekov and H. Sulu is workable
Time passes, and the ship has sort of eased up on the mania of having an ex-celeb on board. On the surface of things what remains is mostly good-natured ribbing, increasingly infrequent, because it is getting so old, and anyway most people come to realize that Hikaru Sulu is not who they want him to be.
On the surface of it they are fast friends now, Hikaru and Pavel, odd that. Pavel feels a fraud and knows he is a fraud. He is wondering about the day Hikaru will uncover his past devotion. Hikaru will recoil in horror, he knows, and he knows this because he is Hikaru's good-enough (not best) friend. Hikaru will probably run away, either one of them will have to be reassigned and they will spend the rest of their lives avoiding each other while Hikaru picks up with the next person down the list of A intersect not(F union V).
Because everyone knows "celebrities" don't go out with fans. They can be nice to you, they might embrace you, oftentimes they do, but you firmly reside in the sphere of their public self. To them it must be tacky to go out with someone who adores them more than they will ever be able to reciprocate; it is a reflection upon their sense of self and prima facie evidence7 that they suffer from self-esteem issues and some degree of desperation.
It is nigh impossible for the fan legion to traverse the thick wall of transparent aluminum8 that separates them from their idols. This myth has got to be busted.
Myth #5: Pop is manufactured and insincere, superficial posturing for the sake of frivolity
Pavel has gotten so good at pretending he isn't an ex-fan that he actually forgets he was ever a fan. Having conveniently forgotten his roots, he conveniently neglects to take into account the ramifications of bringing Sulu to his hometown on shore leave. It is only after they beam down to earth that Pavel remembers he has to take the necessary precautions. He calls his mother and asks her to rid his room of all damning evidence.
They arrive in St Petersburg in the middle of winter, because Sulu says he has always wanted to go to St Petersburg but never had the opportunity to9, and it so happens that shore leave was scheduled in the winter months. Pavel eats an ice cream10 while Sulu waddles along behind him, padded fat and huddling from the cold.
When they get to the door of the identikit apartment in the anonymous public housing estate Pavel asks his mother, in a heavily coded way, if she has "tidied up" the room. She beams with a megawatt smile and says yes, my Pashushka11, exactly the way you want it.
His mother feeds them greedily with beetroot soup, potato pancakes, shashlik and dumplings12. Pavel heaves a sigh of relief when it seems that Hikaru is thoroughly enjoying himself, but the odd question about Los Rayos thrown his way courtesy of mother strikes panic in his heart now and again. Hikaru doesn't seem to mind the questions when mother asks them, so it means that all should be well.
They retire from the dining table with the vinyl lace tablecloth to the brown tweedy sofa with the hallucinogenic throws13 only three paces away, located in the same room. Mother scurries to the kitchen to bring out the cherry vodka14. Hikaru excuses himself to the bathroom and comes back looking a little funny.
Oh shit, Pavel thinks.
Mother comes out with the cherry vodka and lays the jar and glasses on coasters from Singapore15 (a gift from their neighbor). The coffee table is layered in the same lace-printed vinyl as on their dining table. She asks Hikaru if he is staying the night. "I'm going back to my hotel," Hikaru replies.
Hotel? What fucking hotel? When vodka has absolutely no effect on making a person look less tense and shifty you know that it is truly oh shit indeed. For one, in all their discussions Hikaru was going to stay the night--he would get Pavel's bed and Pavel would get a crummy mattress on the floor, no problem at all.
The night ends pretty soon after that. Mother insists Hikaru stay the night but Hikaru goes on about that mythical hotel room of his. For the longest moment Pavel thinks Hikaru can return his stuck up ass16 to that nonexistent hotel room for all he cares, while he will lock himself in the bathroom and spill lavish tears.
But he doesn't know why, even with tear ducts threatening to leak unglamorously he says to Sulu with a set jaw that he'll walk him back to the "hotel".
A pained look flashes across Sulu's face but he relents.
They trudge along, in the snow, in silence. It is minus however many fucking degrees and Pavel swears to god he will not cry now, not when the tears will freeze like stupid icicles on his cheeks. It is pretty clear that Sulu opened the wrong door looking for the bathroom and mother hasn't actually rid the walls of the posters. Did you see the way she kept pestering him with questions about Los Rayos? How in hell did it take him so long to catch on? Pavel fights back the urge to scream at Sulu, aren't you fucking freezing to death? where is this fucking hotel of yours? and okay you can fucking leave me now, but don't be such a creep and say something before I fucking throw myself into the Neva, which is frozen anyway so all I'll get is a fucking concussion which come to think of it isn't a bad thing if I lose my memory and start again from scratch.
They trudge along, and lo, they actually arrive at a fucking hotel. Pavel rages at the ease with which Sulu finds his way around Piter, it feels like his city has betrayed him by leading Sulu to that mythi-fucking-cal ho-tel.
Sulu turns to him with an embarrassed grimace and gestures, pointing a thumb backward at the hotel. "I'll be...I'll be seeing you then," he says.
Pavel has his hands stuffed in his pockets and he is pointedly avoiding Sulu, gaze fixed on a puddle of frozen dog's pee17. He is aware that Sulu is standing there waiting for him to give him permission to run away.
"Do you have a reservation?" Pavel asks forcefully.
Sulu fails to reply. The wind howls in their ears, the snow swirls in violent spirals. Finally, after a protracted silence, Sulu says, "Oh god I am such a douchebag."
"The hell you are," Pavel concurs vehemently.
"I'm sorry," Sulu says.
For what? Pavel thinks. Do you expect instant forgiveness or what?
"I went into the wrong room," Sulu explains.
"Yeah, I could have guessed," Pavel interrupts, in a cut-the-crap tone.
"I just--you never told me," Sulu says, pushing the onus of explanation back at him.
"Oh, what do you want to know?" Pavel explodes exasperatedly. "That I was completely in love with you for most of my life? That I knew every one of your songs by heart and dance moves too?"
Sulu looks at him with an unreadable expression. Oh right, Pavel thinks, maybe he didn't want to know.
"Well," Pavel starts again. "That was the past. I was ten and I was stupid. I had no friends. I needed something to cling on to and it just so happened to be you, okay? I could say I'm ashamed of it all now, but the truth is I'm not. I don't know if I would have aspired to Starfleet if it wasn't for you."
"That's not true," Sulu cuts in. "You're smart, you're brilliant, you'd have got into Starfleet any day."
"I don't mean that. I mean, considering Starfleet in the first place. I could have gone to some fancy science academy or something but for some reason I just wanted to go to San Francisco."
Sulu merely stands there gormlessly so Pavel adds, "I'm not embarrassed, okay? I'm not going to be embarrassed. Maybe you want me to say that I'm ashamed of it and we can all consign questionable histories to the recycle bin for permanent deletion but I'm going to have to say now that being a hysterical, crazy stupid fanboy is a part of me I have to live with. You can take it or leave it. I'll hold nothing against you."
Sulu is shivering in the cold. Another hour and his nose is going to fall off, Pavel thinks.
"You and me," Sulu says, carefully considering his words. "I think we're meant to be." It sounds like part of a song.
Pavel laughs. The laugh comes out harsher than intended.
"I mean, it's a funny thing but when I think about my past now," Sulu says, "somehow I've kind of woven you into all my experiences. It's like you were always there. And you're right, you know? I've got to face it, no matter how much it makes me cringe. I could excise it but I wouldn't be me." Sulu laughs. "Sorry for the horrendous sentimental tripe, the insipid turns of phrases."
Pavel smiles. "We should get somewhere warm, your nose is going to fall off soon."
Hikaru is genuinely horrified by the statement. Reception would kick them out for looking like a pair of drunken hobos so they walk back to Pavel's mother's apartment.
Along the way they dance and sing, thankful that there's not a soul in sight, not a soul who will report them to the Council for Propriety for committing the punishable-by-excommunication-and-even-death social faux pas of not being ashamed of dodgy pasts18.
originally posted here
Notes and commentary:
1 I was watching MythBusters. The MythBusters Busted/Plausible/Confirmed verdict is somewhat employed.
2 Harry Potter! Of course Harry Potter survives into the 23rd century. :D
2 Harry Potter again.
3 Wait what detergent?! Don't they throw their clothes into a replicator? Pls to ignore.
4 Scientifically...supported?
5 For the geeks. Set notation: A ⋂ (F ∪ V)' But my maths is rusty so I hope I didn't get it wrong.
6 Oblomov, written by Ivan Goncharov. It's about a guy who doesn't get out of bed until 150 pages into the book.
7 In part one of Popstar!Sulu I used the term "moratorium". Now I use "prima facie evidence". I don't do law but I have a few compulsory law modules.
8 Har har har transparent aluminium. There are so many parts in this where I am like, wtf did I actually think I was being ~clever~. *cringes*
9 Hey, remember when he performed in Moscow? Turns out Sulu really wanted to perform in St Petersburg but it just didn't happen.
10 I read in a Lonely Planet guidebook that people in Russia eat ice cream in all weather. Personally I love to eat ice cream when it's cold out, too. :D
11 In part 1, the bullies called Chekov 'Pavka'. The -ushka suffix is apparently even fonder and more familial than a simple -sha, hence 'Pashushka'.
12 There's a Russian restaurant in Singapore I'm very fond of. ;_; (see #14)
13 This, and the identikit apartment in anonymous housing block--I was going for a lower-middle class Chekov. Also that vinyl lace printed tablecloths are a main feature of my grandma's house, though we're not in any way Russian.
14 I grew up there. Interestingly there is a Russian song, the Tango Magnolia by Alexander Vertinsky that romanticises Singapore as a travel destination.
15 Cherry vodka!
16 I decided that even in the 23rd century there would likely be class differences. I'm afraid class differences will always plague the human race. Sulu may not feel the class difference, because he's nice enough to not realise it exists, but Chekov, who is lower-middle here, knows full well the difference.
17 Dog pee. Hee hee. There are quite a few Russian stories on dogs, I think. Anton Chekhov has some I think, but I can't remember which. There's also Heart of a Dog by Mikhail Bulgakov.
18 I kind of made that resolution to myself, because I have a pretty dodgy fannish past. Also the Council for Propriety sounds like a very Russian-humour sort of thing to write.