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All hair removal methods have tricked us with their
promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors,
razors, Nair and now...COLD WAX
My night began as any other normal weekday night.
Fix dinner, clean up dinner, chatted with the hubby, played with the kids. I then had the
thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: Maybe I should take some time for myself hubby's home he can tend to the kids and I can get the wax out of
the medicine cabinet and pamper myself. I've been waiting to try this new WAX method.......Supposed to give you a baby smooth appearance.........
So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom.
It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand and then they get warm and you peel them apart press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off.
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I am
mechanically inclined enough that I can figure it out.
YA THINK ???
So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together I get the bright idea use the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. Cold wax my rear end (Oh how this phrase haunts me!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! I AM WOMAN - I CAN DO THIS................
Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-ra, fighter of all wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids and hubby, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair
fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet, hold my boobs back so I can see down there, with my free arm.
Using my other free hand I used the same procedure by applying the strip across the right side of bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek.
Me being short - it wasn't a long strip - thank-god!!!!!!
I inhale deeply and brace myself. RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY
GOD!!!!!!!!! What the hell have I done - I think I just ripped everything out down there - I bet I even have a toe-nail or two........
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half of the strip.
&@#!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP. Everything is swirly and spotted. Do I hear crashing drums??? OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - A wax covedered strip with my hairy pelt, that has caused me so much pain, sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.
I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down - still holding boobs so I can see, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair...The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. @#!#!!!
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my> body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG stake........remember my foot is still perched on the toilet. I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. @#@$!!!!!!!! NOW WHAT HAVE I DONE?????
YOU GOT IT -- Vagina? Sealed shut. Butt?? Sealed shut. I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop...............
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the
hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off
right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!* I
get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse that having your goodies glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub. In scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So now I am stuck to the bottom of the tub!! Thank goodness I took the cordless phone with me in the bathroom!!!!! Icall my best friend/sister-in-law knowing she's waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. Now this is good - It's YEAH - it's a
very good conversation starter "So how ya doing?
WELL funny reason I'm callin ya, my butt and who-ha are stuck to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't have a secret trick but does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the
wax is located on bottom. "Are we talking cheeks, hole or what?" She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her
the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH RIGHT!!!!!
I should be the joke of someone else's
night while we go
through various solutions. I DON'T THINK
SO..............
I am thinking I am going to have to resort to
scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies
covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry shaving the sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I slip into glazed donut land. My sister-in-law is still talking with
me and my hand reaches towards the saving
grace....the lotion they ive you to remove the excess wax. NOW I may be onto something - maybe - just maybe this will work...............What do I
really have to lose at this point. I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids, alerted my hubby that something was awry, scared the dickens out of my sister-in-law,
but at this point I really didn't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!! I get a hearty congratulation from my sis and she hangs up.
I hear my hubby outside the bathroom door - Honey everything okay in there? OH Yeah
-- fine - fine - I'm fine - I'll be out in a few
minutes. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....................THE HAIR IS
STILL THERE...........ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. So I shaved it off ALL OF IT - IT HAS TO GO...............
Heck, I'm numb at this point.
BY this time I'm feelin lucky - I think I'm going to try coloring my hair next......
All hair removal methods have tricked us with their
promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors,
razors, Nair and now...COLD WAX
My night began as any other normal weekday night.
Fix dinner, clean up dinner, chatted with the hubby, played with the kids. I then had the
thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: Maybe I should take some time for myself hubby's home he can tend to the kids and I can get the wax out of
the medicine cabinet and pamper myself. I've been waiting to try this new WAX method.......Supposed to give you a baby smooth appearance.........
So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom.
It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand and then they get warm and you peel them apart press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes right off.
No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be? I am
mechanically inclined enough that I can figure it out.
YA THINK ???
So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together I get the bright idea use the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. Cold wax my rear end (Oh how this phrase haunts me!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! I AM WOMAN - I CAN DO THIS................
Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-ra, fighter of all wayward body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids and hubby, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair
fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet, hold my boobs back so I can see down there, with my free arm.
Using my other free hand I used the same procedure by applying the strip across the right side of bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek.
Me being short - it wasn't a long strip - thank-god!!!!!!
I inhale deeply and brace myself. RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY
GOD!!!!!!!!! What the hell have I done - I think I just ripped everything out down there - I bet I even have a toe-nail or two........
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half of the strip.
&@#!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP. Everything is swirly and spotted. Do I hear crashing drums??? OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - A wax covedered strip with my hairy pelt, that has caused me so much pain, sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.
I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the hair? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down - still holding boobs so I can see, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair...The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. @#!#!!!
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my> body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.
Then I make the next BIG stake........remember my foot is still perched on the toilet. I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. @#@$!!!!!!!! NOW WHAT HAVE I DONE?????
YOU GOT IT -- Vagina? Sealed shut. Butt?? Sealed shut. I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to poop...............
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the
hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off
right??? *WRONG!!!!!!!* I
get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now, the only thing worse that having your goodies glued together is having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub. In scalding hot water. Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.
So now I am stuck to the bottom of the tub!! Thank goodness I took the cordless phone with me in the bathroom!!!!! Icall my best friend/sister-in-law knowing she's waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. Now this is good - It's YEAH - it's a
very good conversation starter "So how ya doing?
WELL funny reason I'm callin ya, my butt and who-ha are stuck to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't have a secret trick but does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the
wax is located on bottom. "Are we talking cheeks, hole or what?" She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her
the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH RIGHT!!!!!
I should be the joke of someone else's
night while we go
through various solutions. I DON'T THINK
SO..............
I am thinking I am going to have to resort to
scraping the wax off with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies
covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry shaving the sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I slip into glazed donut land. My sister-in-law is still talking with
me and my hand reaches towards the saving
grace....the lotion they ive you to remove the excess wax. NOW I may be onto something - maybe - just maybe this will work...............What do I
really have to lose at this point. I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids, alerted my hubby that something was awry, scared the dickens out of my sister-in-law,
but at this point I really didn't care. "IT WORKS!! It works!! I get a hearty congratulation from my sis and she hangs up.
I hear my hubby outside the bathroom door - Honey everything okay in there? OH Yeah
-- fine - fine - I'm fine - I'll be out in a few
minutes. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....................THE HAIR IS
STILL THERE...........ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!. So I shaved it off ALL OF IT - IT HAS TO GO...............
Heck, I'm numb at this point.
BY this time I'm feelin lucky - I think I'm going to try coloring my hair next......