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[yol_bolsun]

thank god i'm almost done with this week of work. and then i have 2 days off. i work tonight (grrrrrr) but it will be time and a half. tomorrow meg and i are going to bloomington to fill out applications in the area. oh yeah, so excited (if only you could hear the sarcasm in my voice). then on wednesday i'm getting my car fixed and going to my

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[mess___girl]

i think it's a little unfair for you to attack me like that considering we haven't spoken in months. you only know what other people are telling you and what you read on livejournal. you don't have any idea what's going on in my life. right now i have to put myself first and do what i have to do for me. i'm broke, i'm alone [except for my kitten who's always by my side], i hate my job but can't afford to quit, my electricity is going to be shut off any day now because i can't afford my $15 bill, i choose to spend my money on cigarettes because they curb my anxiety and hunger and they are cheaper than food and anti-anxiety medication, i'm considering moving to duluth with karla because she needs a roommate and i need to get out of here, the boy i adore is the real alcoholic -- i watch him drink until his eyes roll back in his head almost every night, and i don't know how to help the boy. i'm just trying to find a temporary release to all this shit i'm bottling up. i realize i am probably doing it in all the wrong ways, but when

[__lull]

oh, you. i love you so much. i mean, i did before you wrote this but it's ever so nice of you to say all of that, sweetie.

we'll get through this and have some fun, too, i'm sure. it's just no fun being on the edge of everything and i think that's what i've been doing. i have to dwell on bad before i can chill out. it sucks. but this will be awesome for us and we will kick ass for certain.

:)<3 love to you.