Rants and Raves
Okay....so like I've been wanting to say this for some time and I think i'll say it now. I feel like I'm losing a lot of people I consider a friend. Some of it is for personal reasons, others its not. Some deceide they leave, without a word, and leave no way of contacting them *coughsBriannacoughs*. And all that makes me do is hate them because they said they were my friend but obviously not a good enough one to tell me some way of communicating with them. I wouldn't say I'm the best of friends either. I don't start convos all the time and often go without saying hi to lots of people. But It's how I am. If I don't have anything beyond Hi, how are you, how was your day, to say, I don't bother. If I haven't talked with that person in a bit, or I have something substantial to talk about, I'll of course IM that person.
But still...it feels i'm losing more and more friends and not getting any to fill the void. I don't have many rl friends, and I lost one when she graduated in May. I don't go out, I refuse to go to a club. I don't need to be around stupid, smoking, drunk people. I feel that if I go in there, my IQ will drop in half. I'm really shy, I don't tend to just go up to people and talk, and if I do, I end up babbling and feeling like an idiot. I'm insecure. I'm like that in class too, when I answer a question. I feel as though people are thinking I'm stupid, or a know-it-all, or that I should shut up and that I talk too much.
So.....i'm just going to sit here...and cry and pms....and watch the firends I have go away because no matter how 'close' or 'important' I am/was to them, that if I really was, they'd have said something before now. I shouldn't have to start every convo.....maybe I'm just a hypocryte.