giving criticism

[yoopie]

I wanted to repost this (as it is part of my ZEN HABITS feed

Comments

[synthcat]

This is the best thing that I have learned all day long. I can definitely relate to struggling with strategizing over how to provide constructive feedback without hurting anyone's feelings.

Thank you for the very thoughtful and insightful post!

[yoopie]

you are welcome

I know that you and I are very much on the same page in many aspects of our lives so with that
I am going to do something that was suggested on an earlier ZEN HABIT installment this week

make a new habit
I choose one habit I want to break or incorporate..JUST ONE
and focus on that for one month until well, it becomes a habit

so *sigh* without further adieu
I chose quitting smoking
I have my chantix, flavored toothpicks, and going to load up with carrot sticks and fruit/gum
and pick a date
and *crosses fingers* GOING to make being a NON SMOKER..a habit

once that habit is incorporated
working out routinely (not sporadically) will be my next incorporated habit

I look forward to doing these things and knowing I have the best support system EVAR will help =)

[lokidecat]

oh ya, never try to change more than one thing at a time. you're smart to focus.

[yoopie]

the fact is I have issues even focusing on ONE thing lol, but well...practice..that is all I can do

[lokidecat]

My big annoyance is when someone has a "suggestion" for me on how to live my life. Unwarranted, unrequested commentary on who I am as a person bugs me to no end.

[yoopie]

you mean like

[lokidecat]

There are the illogical extremes regarding kids, or cults, or marriage, albeit one could argue those are all the same (heh).

I'm talking about things like, for instance, I had a coworker at work tell me that I shouldn't be so cynical, that I should try a more optimistic outlook on my life.

Fine. That may be true, but I'm not paying for someone else to psychoanalyze me, and I prefer people keep THOSE opinions to themselves. My reply back was a very calm and polite, "Thanks for the opinion." and walked away.

[yoopie]

maybe they meant well but telling someone that is just not normally going to sit well

[newsmutt]

I'm pretty sure I don't take criticism well from people close to me mainly because of the way my mom did it throughout life, and still does. My reaction is often defensive immediately, and I want to tell the person to shove it up his butt. However, most of the criticism I get IS AN ATTACK. "You'll never get this done" and "you always do this" and "you can't do that" or "you don't have anything done"...spoken from someone who has no clue about what I have done, meant to be a motivator for me to do more....but I can't do more. I don't know many people who are good at giving criticism except maybe some of my old college professors, but in a school setting you are probably more open and interested in the criticism.