I Just Wanted To Become Stronger (One-shot)
Title: I Just Wanted To Become Stronger
Author: Me
Pairing: InooBu
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG-13
Words: 2K+
Disclaimer: I own only the plot.
Warning: Self-editing, terrible grammar, weird sentences, please bear with me.
Summary: I love him so much, so much to the point where I cannot do anything without him even breathing.
The weather is so cold tonight. People are busy in their own business. I walked alone in the downtown that full of crowded. I rubbed my hands and blew some air to warm it up. I keep walking mindlessly until I reached a small coffee shop. I entered the shop and observed everything it was just the same nothing change at all. Once the waiters spotted me they immediately welcome me warmly like usual. I gave them a small smile in the corner of my lips then sat on my favorite seat.
“What would you like to order sir?” One of the waiter asked me.
“Can I have Vanilla please.” I said to him. The waiter gave me a nodded then walking away. I turned to look at outside view through the glass wall blankly. There are so many people there. Family, sibblings, lovers, friends, it seems everyone is so enjoy their own world. Everyone is happy because they have a person who can bring happiness to them. How about me? What am I living for? For who? For what? Is it worth anymore?
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“Sorry for late Kou!! ” I said panting hard after running like my life depends on it. I rest my hands on my both knees while trying to catch my breath.
“It’s okay, Kei. Next time don’t run like this okay? I can wait as long as you still come.” The guy in front of me smiled as he bend down a bit to ruffled my hair gently.
“ How about we let's go? ” He asked and intertwined his fingers with mine.
“ Em..” I nodded slightly then we began walking side by side while our hands are holding each other.
“You have a very weak grip, Kei.” He lets out a small chuckle. I turned to look at him confusedly. “ What? ” I quickly tightening my grip in his hand.
“See? I’m not weak like you said, Kou.” I said and lifted our hands to proved it to him. I don't like being weak at all even though it's the truth but I still won't admit it. I just want to be stronger so that I won't cause trouble to anyone.
“Why do you want to be strong when you have me already?” The smile on his face never disappear. Those stunning eyes looked into me deeply as if he could see through me everything.
“ Why can’t I become stronger? I don't want to cause you any troubles just as I used to do. ” My voice became softer and lighter as I lower my head down. The memory of death scene of my parents suddenly appeared in my mind again. Only if that time I was stronger and not a damn weak child who couldn't do anything then my parents wouldn't die.
" Kei. " He sighs then cupped my face up in both of his large hands. " That's not your fault, okay? " His thumb caress my cheeks softly and gently as if he's afraid he would break them. " You lost both of them but you still have me. Did you forget that? " He then pulled me into his embrace. " I love you, love you more than anyone, more than anything, more than myself, so please just stay the way you're even though if you're weak but I'll protect you with all my might. Nothing can harm you as long as I'm still alive, Kei. " He kissed my hair just like he usual does. Gently, slowly, softly, darlingly way. There again, I could only stood still resting my head on his chest listen to his heart beat.
A gentle breeze blows across us lightly. I don't know how many minutes have passed. I just feel really calm and warm inside his embrace. I closed both of my eyes and grabbed the back of his shirt. " Ne, Kou, you promise me that you won't leave me? "
Because I can't imagine how to live in the world without you..
" Yes, I promise you. "
The answer was so soft, so soft almost I couldn't hear it.
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“Sir here is your order.”
" Sir? " A strange voice brought me back to reality. I turned my gaze from the window to the person who is giving me a question.
“Ah, thank you. ” I faked a smile at him as a sign that there's nothing wrong. I took the hot vanilla cup and wrapped my fingers around it. It was hot and warm. but it still doesn’t warm me enough like his hands..nothing can replace him.
I walked out from the coffee shop then head to a flower shop. I stood in front of the shop then push the door slowly.
“ Ah, welcome, welcome. What can I help you, dear? ” I was welcomed by an old lady who is organizing the flower. She dropped the scissors that she was holding then walked towards me with a smile on her face.
“Sunflower please.” I replied softly to her and observed the shop. It's a lovely shop. It is surrounding by every kind of flowers, and the smell is so nice, so nice to makes you want to rest, it's so peaceful and calm.
“Eh? Sunflower?” A question was being asked. I turned my attention back to her. “ Yes. Is there something wrong?”
“ Well.. It’s kinda strange. You’re the first person who buy sunflower on Christmas day.” A small chuckle escaped from her lips. She started to prepare the flower for me, so I just stood there watching her silently. " Is it that strange...? " I'm questioning to myself lowly didn't want her to hear, though.
“ It's not that strange. " Her face is still smiling wide. " Here is your flower.” She hands the flower over me. " I'm giving it to you. "
“ Give it to me? ” I asked surprisingly.
“ Yes.”
“ Can I ask why? ”
“ You look so sad. I just feel wanted to give it to you. Please cheer up! ” She patted my shoulder gently as if she's trying to encourage me.
“ Thank you. ” I bowed to her. “ You're welcome.” She ruffled my hair lightly. “ I get to go now, goodbye, obaa-chan. ” I bowed to her once again then took my leave.
“ Please smile! So the world will smile at you too! ” There, her smile never left her face since the moment I stepped into the shop. What's smile again?
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“ What is your favorite flower, Kei? ” He asked me while staring at the flowers in a park. The sky is orange. The sun will be setting down soon yet we were still sitting on a bench in the park like there is no tomorrow.
“ I don’t have any favorite.” I answered him without hesitation. “ But if you want an answer then I would go to Sakura, since it is so beautiful. How about you, Kou? ” I turned my gaze from the flower to him, but he suddenly rested his head on my shoulder.
“ Sunflower.” He replied softly.
“ Sunflower? ” I frowned then looked down at him see him smiling.
“ It doesn’t beautiful at all.” I said and turned my gaze back to the flowers.
“ But it is meaning full. ”
“ Really? ” He suddenly sat up straight and looked at me.
“ Why are you staring at me? " I chuckled at his action. It's kind of cute.
“ Sunflower looks like you.” He grinned widely.
“ What? I don't see which part me looks like it, Kou. ” I sigh with his childish side.
“ There is. ” He said as he rested his head on me again.
“ Sunflower represents you, Kei. You’re my sunshine. The shine that always lighten up my life everyday.” He got his head closer to my neck and wrapped my hand into his. There again, I couldn't say anything but just sitting there tightening my grip around his hand back enjoy the warm breath that coming from him. You're wrong. I'm not the sunshine but you. You're the one who is my sunshine. The light that gives me hope, gives me dream, gives me happiness, gives me a way to walk out from darkness. God, I love him so much.
" You cannot leave me without my permission, you hear that? "
" Yes, I won't. "
The answer was too low. I couldn't hear it, Kou..
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“Kei, let go!!!!!!” It was the first time that he pulled his hand away from me. It was the first time that he pushed me away from him. He's never been like that before. He always hold my hand no matter what happen.
“Kou, wake up!! Don’t sleep!!” I shook his bloody body repeatedly. I didn't know what was happening. I saw only blood and blood. Blood that flew from his body. It was like the whole world already stopped. I couldn't understand anything I only knew that god wanted to take him away. Take him to the place where I could never reach. Take him to the place where I could no longer to feel his warmth.
“ I knew you'll be crying over me.” He smiled weakly while caressing my cheeks which full of tears. I didn't even know when were those tears come out. My hands were shaking like hell. The feeling of losing him is the last thing I've ever thought in my life. I didn't want this. I didn't want this. You promised me, right? That you won't leave me. I don't want to be the one who left alone here!
" I think death means watching over you and being with you forever, right? Then I'll just take my life for you, Kei. " His words became softer. His lips became paler and paler, and the blood was still flowing until it soaked my white shirt. The blood that coming out from his body. The body of the guy who means everything to me. Even though his body is full of blood yet the smile on his face never left him.
" Haha it's a nightmare, right? " I said while trying to smile widely which is completely fail. I held him into my chest. " It's a nightmare, right, Kou? There is no way you will leave me, right? We'll wake up soon, Kou. It's just a nightmare only. " I keep smiling even though those annoying salt water was still flowing down stubbornly.
Why is he body not warm anymore? I ran my fingers and stopped over his left chest. Why is his heart not beating anymore?!!
" Na.. na.. you're kidding me right? "
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My world turned dark. I couldn't see anything and feel anything. Everything is just blank. How many months have passed again? How many minutes and hours that I've gone through without him again? Isn't this nightmare a bit too long?
“ Merry Christmas, Kou.” I don't know what smile that I've made. I don't know how come I still could let out a smile even though my heart has already gone. Those missing pieces that I can never take it back and repair.
" It's a bit too long for this nightmare. Are you lonely? " I caressed his grave lovingly. I miss him. His smile. his warmth, his large hands that cover my hands under a cool weather, his soft lips that always press against mine daringly, his embrace that shooed my pain away, his warm breath on my skin that make me feel at ease. " Hey Kou, it's so lonely here. I don't think I can bear with it any longer. " There is only wind that blow softly touching my skin. It was unusually warm, it feels like the wind is coming from him.
" Hey, sorry, Kou. " I placed the sunflower on his grave then stood up. " I love you. I really do. That's why.. " The sentence was trailed off. I smiled at him once again then leave. I've always been alone since my parents died. Then he came, he brought along with colors and happiness into my life. I have no one but him, only him who gave me hope to continue my life. He's the only source for my breath.
" Hey!! Watch out!!! " A strange voice came from nowhere, but I didn't bother to find the source, though. I just feel that my body was hit by something very strong, very strong enough to take my life away. I don't know what's going on, I just saw a large crowd of people are surrounding me from my blurry vision. That was so noisy. Well..whatever it's not like I'll care or anything. My body is hurting like hell at the moment, but however I still managed to form a small smile in the corner of my lips. Hey, sorry, Kou that I didn't treasure the life that you've saved, but I don't see the point of living without you here. I've have already lost the source of my breath. I don't want to live just like a living doll that doesn't have emotions. It's meaningless and painful when I'm longing for your warmth. Death is more beautiful if it means I could have a chance to meet you once again. We were destined to meet yet the god separated us. I guess, we aren't meant to be together? How about next life, Kou? Let's meet in our next life, okay? If god still want to separate us then we'll still continue our love in our next, next, next, next and next life. Let's prove him that our love is stronger than his power. I'll become stronger then coming to meet you again, so wait for me there, Kou. Let's continue our love story..No one is going to separate us again..
The End.
A/N: Merry Christmas everyone!! I know I’m late because Christmas has already goneeeeeeeeee. I was planning to post it last night but my internet sucks it wouldn't let me post >___< and sorry for the angsty fic on Christmas day lol hahaha
Author: Me
Pairing: InooBu
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG-13
Words: 2K+
Disclaimer: I own only the plot.
Warning: Self-editing, terrible grammar, weird sentences, please bear with me.
Summary: I love him so much, so much to the point where I cannot do anything without him even breathing.
The weather is so cold tonight. People are busy in their own business. I walked alone in the downtown that full of crowded. I rubbed my hands and blew some air to warm it up. I keep walking mindlessly until I reached a small coffee shop. I entered the shop and observed everything it was just the same nothing change at all. Once the waiters spotted me they immediately welcome me warmly like usual. I gave them a small smile in the corner of my lips then sat on my favorite seat.
“What would you like to order sir?” One of the waiter asked me.
“Can I have Vanilla please.” I said to him. The waiter gave me a nodded then walking away. I turned to look at outside view through the glass wall blankly. There are so many people there. Family, sibblings, lovers, friends, it seems everyone is so enjoy their own world. Everyone is happy because they have a person who can bring happiness to them. How about me? What am I living for? For who? For what? Is it worth anymore?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Sorry for late Kou!! ” I said panting hard after running like my life depends on it. I rest my hands on my both knees while trying to catch my breath.
“It’s okay, Kei. Next time don’t run like this okay? I can wait as long as you still come.” The guy in front of me smiled as he bend down a bit to ruffled my hair gently.
“ How about we let's go? ” He asked and intertwined his fingers with mine.
“ Em..” I nodded slightly then we began walking side by side while our hands are holding each other.
“You have a very weak grip, Kei.” He lets out a small chuckle. I turned to look at him confusedly. “ What? ” I quickly tightening my grip in his hand.
“See? I’m not weak like you said, Kou.” I said and lifted our hands to proved it to him. I don't like being weak at all even though it's the truth but I still won't admit it. I just want to be stronger so that I won't cause trouble to anyone.
“Why do you want to be strong when you have me already?” The smile on his face never disappear. Those stunning eyes looked into me deeply as if he could see through me everything.
“ Why can’t I become stronger? I don't want to cause you any troubles just as I used to do. ” My voice became softer and lighter as I lower my head down. The memory of death scene of my parents suddenly appeared in my mind again. Only if that time I was stronger and not a damn weak child who couldn't do anything then my parents wouldn't die.
" Kei. " He sighs then cupped my face up in both of his large hands. " That's not your fault, okay? " His thumb caress my cheeks softly and gently as if he's afraid he would break them. " You lost both of them but you still have me. Did you forget that? " He then pulled me into his embrace. " I love you, love you more than anyone, more than anything, more than myself, so please just stay the way you're even though if you're weak but I'll protect you with all my might. Nothing can harm you as long as I'm still alive, Kei. " He kissed my hair just like he usual does. Gently, slowly, softly, darlingly way. There again, I could only stood still resting my head on his chest listen to his heart beat.
A gentle breeze blows across us lightly. I don't know how many minutes have passed. I just feel really calm and warm inside his embrace. I closed both of my eyes and grabbed the back of his shirt. " Ne, Kou, you promise me that you won't leave me? "
Because I can't imagine how to live in the world without you..
" Yes, I promise you. "
The answer was so soft, so soft almost I couldn't hear it.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Sir here is your order.”
" Sir? " A strange voice brought me back to reality. I turned my gaze from the window to the person who is giving me a question.
“Ah, thank you. ” I faked a smile at him as a sign that there's nothing wrong. I took the hot vanilla cup and wrapped my fingers around it. It was hot and warm. but it still doesn’t warm me enough like his hands..nothing can replace him.
I walked out from the coffee shop then head to a flower shop. I stood in front of the shop then push the door slowly.
“ Ah, welcome, welcome. What can I help you, dear? ” I was welcomed by an old lady who is organizing the flower. She dropped the scissors that she was holding then walked towards me with a smile on her face.
“Sunflower please.” I replied softly to her and observed the shop. It's a lovely shop. It is surrounding by every kind of flowers, and the smell is so nice, so nice to makes you want to rest, it's so peaceful and calm.
“Eh? Sunflower?” A question was being asked. I turned my attention back to her. “ Yes. Is there something wrong?”
“ Well.. It’s kinda strange. You’re the first person who buy sunflower on Christmas day.” A small chuckle escaped from her lips. She started to prepare the flower for me, so I just stood there watching her silently. " Is it that strange...? " I'm questioning to myself lowly didn't want her to hear, though.
“ It's not that strange. " Her face is still smiling wide. " Here is your flower.” She hands the flower over me. " I'm giving it to you. "
“ Give it to me? ” I asked surprisingly.
“ Yes.”
“ Can I ask why? ”
“ You look so sad. I just feel wanted to give it to you. Please cheer up! ” She patted my shoulder gently as if she's trying to encourage me.
“ Thank you. ” I bowed to her. “ You're welcome.” She ruffled my hair lightly. “ I get to go now, goodbye, obaa-chan. ” I bowed to her once again then took my leave.
“ Please smile! So the world will smile at you too! ” There, her smile never left her face since the moment I stepped into the shop. What's smile again?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“ What is your favorite flower, Kei? ” He asked me while staring at the flowers in a park. The sky is orange. The sun will be setting down soon yet we were still sitting on a bench in the park like there is no tomorrow.
“ I don’t have any favorite.” I answered him without hesitation. “ But if you want an answer then I would go to Sakura, since it is so beautiful. How about you, Kou? ” I turned my gaze from the flower to him, but he suddenly rested his head on my shoulder.
“ Sunflower.” He replied softly.
“ Sunflower? ” I frowned then looked down at him see him smiling.
“ It doesn’t beautiful at all.” I said and turned my gaze back to the flowers.
“ But it is meaning full. ”
“ Really? ” He suddenly sat up straight and looked at me.
“ Why are you staring at me? " I chuckled at his action. It's kind of cute.
“ Sunflower looks like you.” He grinned widely.
“ What? I don't see which part me looks like it, Kou. ” I sigh with his childish side.
“ There is. ” He said as he rested his head on me again.
“ Sunflower represents you, Kei. You’re my sunshine. The shine that always lighten up my life everyday.” He got his head closer to my neck and wrapped my hand into his. There again, I couldn't say anything but just sitting there tightening my grip around his hand back enjoy the warm breath that coming from him. You're wrong. I'm not the sunshine but you. You're the one who is my sunshine. The light that gives me hope, gives me dream, gives me happiness, gives me a way to walk out from darkness. God, I love him so much.
" You cannot leave me without my permission, you hear that? "
" Yes, I won't. "
The answer was too low. I couldn't hear it, Kou..
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
“Kei, let go!!!!!!” It was the first time that he pulled his hand away from me. It was the first time that he pushed me away from him. He's never been like that before. He always hold my hand no matter what happen.
“Kou, wake up!! Don’t sleep!!” I shook his bloody body repeatedly. I didn't know what was happening. I saw only blood and blood. Blood that flew from his body. It was like the whole world already stopped. I couldn't understand anything I only knew that god wanted to take him away. Take him to the place where I could never reach. Take him to the place where I could no longer to feel his warmth.
“ I knew you'll be crying over me.” He smiled weakly while caressing my cheeks which full of tears. I didn't even know when were those tears come out. My hands were shaking like hell. The feeling of losing him is the last thing I've ever thought in my life. I didn't want this. I didn't want this. You promised me, right? That you won't leave me. I don't want to be the one who left alone here!
" I think death means watching over you and being with you forever, right? Then I'll just take my life for you, Kei. " His words became softer. His lips became paler and paler, and the blood was still flowing until it soaked my white shirt. The blood that coming out from his body. The body of the guy who means everything to me. Even though his body is full of blood yet the smile on his face never left him.
" Haha it's a nightmare, right? " I said while trying to smile widely which is completely fail. I held him into my chest. " It's a nightmare, right, Kou? There is no way you will leave me, right? We'll wake up soon, Kou. It's just a nightmare only. " I keep smiling even though those annoying salt water was still flowing down stubbornly.
Why is he body not warm anymore? I ran my fingers and stopped over his left chest. Why is his heart not beating anymore?!!
" Na.. na.. you're kidding me right? "
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My world turned dark. I couldn't see anything and feel anything. Everything is just blank. How many months have passed again? How many minutes and hours that I've gone through without him again? Isn't this nightmare a bit too long?
“ Merry Christmas, Kou.” I don't know what smile that I've made. I don't know how come I still could let out a smile even though my heart has already gone. Those missing pieces that I can never take it back and repair.
" It's a bit too long for this nightmare. Are you lonely? " I caressed his grave lovingly. I miss him. His smile. his warmth, his large hands that cover my hands under a cool weather, his soft lips that always press against mine daringly, his embrace that shooed my pain away, his warm breath on my skin that make me feel at ease. " Hey Kou, it's so lonely here. I don't think I can bear with it any longer. " There is only wind that blow softly touching my skin. It was unusually warm, it feels like the wind is coming from him.
" Hey, sorry, Kou. " I placed the sunflower on his grave then stood up. " I love you. I really do. That's why.. " The sentence was trailed off. I smiled at him once again then leave. I've always been alone since my parents died. Then he came, he brought along with colors and happiness into my life. I have no one but him, only him who gave me hope to continue my life. He's the only source for my breath.
" Hey!! Watch out!!! " A strange voice came from nowhere, but I didn't bother to find the source, though. I just feel that my body was hit by something very strong, very strong enough to take my life away. I don't know what's going on, I just saw a large crowd of people are surrounding me from my blurry vision. That was so noisy. Well..whatever it's not like I'll care or anything. My body is hurting like hell at the moment, but however I still managed to form a small smile in the corner of my lips. Hey, sorry, Kou that I didn't treasure the life that you've saved, but I don't see the point of living without you here. I've have already lost the source of my breath. I don't want to live just like a living doll that doesn't have emotions. It's meaningless and painful when I'm longing for your warmth. Death is more beautiful if it means I could have a chance to meet you once again. We were destined to meet yet the god separated us. I guess, we aren't meant to be together? How about next life, Kou? Let's meet in our next life, okay? If god still want to separate us then we'll still continue our love in our next, next, next, next and next life. Let's prove him that our love is stronger than his power. I'll become stronger then coming to meet you again, so wait for me there, Kou. Let's continue our love story..No one is going to separate us again..
The End.
A/N: Merry Christmas everyone!! I know I’m late because Christmas has already goneeeeeeeeee. I was planning to post it last night but my internet sucks it wouldn't let me post >___< and sorry for the angsty fic on Christmas day lol hahaha