Xander, Jesse fic - Missing Scene - "Just Jesse"
Title: “Just Jesse”
Written by: Yosso
Rating: G
Feedback: S’il vous plait?
Characters: Xander and Jesse mainly.
Setting: During/After The Harvest.
Word Count: 1,252
Note: Really the whole point of this fic is to attempt to fix Xander’s reaction towards Jesse’s turning, which I was never satisfied with. So here goes :).
~+~
He was trapped. That was one of the only things he could rummage out from this massive din of noise and blinding panic inside his head. There were so many thoughts, so many feelings, reactions, desires, fears. Oh god… oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god.
“Jesse.”
He whispered the word quietly under his breath. He didn’t want to say the name too loud, he was scared that if he did, for some illogical reason he could lose his friend forever. Jesse approached him with uncharacteristic confidence. This just made Xander back quickly into the wall, he was locked in here with this. With him. But it was just Jesse. Just Jesse right? Then why was he so terrified of the thing in front of him if he was, just Jesse?
The vampire grinned. Xander’s fear dripped off him as thick droplets of sweat. “What have they done to you, man?” Xander breathed, just barely uttering the words.
“Hey Xander,” Jesse greeted with grinning, bared fangs.
“What’s wrong with your face?” Xander asked, quietly. Oh so quietly. Xander knew. He knew what was wrong already, he just wanted Jesse to deny it. He wanted his best friend to tell him he hadn’t turned into a vampire. He wanted his friend to tell him this was all okay, that is was all a dream. That Xander would wake up and come back to reality, that it’d all be okay. “What’s wrong with your face?!!” he screamed, desperate for an answer, just one sign of reassurance.
But the thing in front of him just laughed. And laughed coldly. It wasn’t the usual Jesse chuckle, or J-man grin. It was a callous, echoing cackle, that filled his ears, seizing them and it wouldn’t let go. Xander clasped his hands over his ears. He just wanted it to stop.
“Oh don’t be so glum, bud,” Jesse began. “This is great. It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Xander, I’m free.”
Xander froze at his light words. “This isn’t you,” he objected.
“Wrong, this is me, the real me.”
As he said those words, Xander saw Jesse lick his lips as though the very sound of them was delicious.
“I know you Jess, please…” Xander begged.
“No, you don’t. You don’t know me, what I am, what I really am.” His voice was still, chilling, empty and dead.
“Jesse, I’m your best friend.”
“You still can be.”
“How?” Xander speculated. “Look at you, you’re…” he couldn’t hide the thick disgust oozing out of him. This…he…was filthy.
“Come join us,” his voice slithered. It was sly, slick, almost tempting as his voice wrapped its delicate arms around his neck, ready to crush with silent strength.
“What?” the word vanished in a wisp into the air.
“Come join us,” Jesse continued with casual coolness. Not the good kind, a kind that was tainted. This was not his friend, Jesse could never really be this slick. Jesse could never really be like this. Not really. “If you just join us, give in. We can be friends, forever.”
Friends forever. Forever. Forever. The word echoed inside his head, inside him. Xander looked at Jesse in front of him, who’s expression glazed back at him, his fangs fading away, replaced by his warm eyes, a soft, longing smile. Xander saw his nostalgia. Even though things were perfectly normal before, only about a day ago, it seemed like he had been apart from Jesse for an eternity, forever. Forever. Forever. Forever.
The word continued to echo inside his head. Jesse wanted to join him, be with him. Soft fragments of the times the pair had shared flickered into Xander’s mind. The time when Jesse broke his leg after they raced on their skateboards to see who could get to the comic book store first. The time Xander wouldn’t talk to Jesse for a whole two hours because he broke his toy fire truck. The time when Xander had dropped his ice cream scoop and Jesse gave him one of his double scoops. The time… All the times they could have had. He couldn’t lose him. He couldn’t lose him. What if he did give in? If he let these people, these things, these monsters - whatever the hell they really were - what if he let them have him? Take him.
But he would be going against Buffy… So? He barely even knew the girl, before her and all this, everything was so easy, simple. But now…Jesse. For all he knew she could be the cause of all this, she…she… Willow. That thought shot into his head, louder and clearer than the thousands of other mindless, pointless thoughts choking his panicked head. Willow - he couldn’t - he still had her. How could he even be thinking this? It would break her if she had to go through the same thing he has to now. She didn’t need that. He didn’t want that for her.
“No.”
Jesse simply grinned further more, a sly, malicious grin. The vampire approached him, his eyes hard into him, absent of their usual juvenile bubbliness. Xander stumbled back in terror. In actual terror of his friend. So, this is what they had done to him. They’d twisted him, corrupted him into something. Something else.
Jesse now had Xander cornered against the sewer wall. He slammed his hand viciously against it and Xander couldn’t help but flinch. Jesse laughed, licking in the fear. “Do you wanna just die?” he threatened. “Or do you just want to live like this, all alone because you’ve lost your bud?”
“No, I don’t.” Xander croaked slowly. “But I’ve already made my choice.” With heavy defiance, with all his will, power, strength, he slowly brought out a stake which slumbered in his pocket, pointing it threateningly at Jesse. Or what he thought might be Jesse. Threateningly at his old friend. Xander stared at Jesse, sickened at this, sickened at what he’d been forced into. But he was still Jesse right? There was still some part of him left in there? He screamed for it inside his head. There had to be. There must be a piece of him, clawing at the surface of this cold shell. And because he knew this, he couldn’t do it. He didn’t know he ever could.
“Go.”
Xander ordered the vampire to leave. His friend smirked cockily and took his arm smoothly off the wall. Without a noise in his actions he left, very unlike Jesse who was the clumsiest thing Xander had ever met, until now. “You know Xander, the afterlife’s not as bad as it’s made out to be…”
~+~
It was all over. At least for now anyway according to stuffy librarian guy. They all seemed to take it so lightly, the prospect of all this, facing more of those…things. Xander didn’t know whether he’d be able to handle it. Whether the next time he saw one, he’d think of Jesse. And freeze.
The folks were shouting. The folks were yelling and chucking things as Xander sat alone on his bed. Their angry yells showering through the door and into his room. But it wasn’t like he wasn’t used to it. He needed someone, but they wouldn’t listen. Who would? There was a knock at the open door and Xander looked up. There she was, with eyes he couldn’t mistake for anyone else. Warm, comforting eyes. Willow eyes.
“Hey…”
Who would? She would now. And he knew she would always. “Hey…”
The End
Written by: Yosso
Rating: G
Feedback: S’il vous plait?
Characters: Xander and Jesse mainly.
Setting: During/After The Harvest.
Word Count: 1,252
Note: Really the whole point of this fic is to attempt to fix Xander’s reaction towards Jesse’s turning, which I was never satisfied with. So here goes :).
~+~
He was trapped. That was one of the only things he could rummage out from this massive din of noise and blinding panic inside his head. There were so many thoughts, so many feelings, reactions, desires, fears. Oh god… oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god.
“Jesse.”
He whispered the word quietly under his breath. He didn’t want to say the name too loud, he was scared that if he did, for some illogical reason he could lose his friend forever. Jesse approached him with uncharacteristic confidence. This just made Xander back quickly into the wall, he was locked in here with this. With him. But it was just Jesse. Just Jesse right? Then why was he so terrified of the thing in front of him if he was, just Jesse?
The vampire grinned. Xander’s fear dripped off him as thick droplets of sweat. “What have they done to you, man?” Xander breathed, just barely uttering the words.
“Hey Xander,” Jesse greeted with grinning, bared fangs.
“What’s wrong with your face?” Xander asked, quietly. Oh so quietly. Xander knew. He knew what was wrong already, he just wanted Jesse to deny it. He wanted his best friend to tell him he hadn’t turned into a vampire. He wanted his friend to tell him this was all okay, that is was all a dream. That Xander would wake up and come back to reality, that it’d all be okay. “What’s wrong with your face?!!” he screamed, desperate for an answer, just one sign of reassurance.
But the thing in front of him just laughed. And laughed coldly. It wasn’t the usual Jesse chuckle, or J-man grin. It was a callous, echoing cackle, that filled his ears, seizing them and it wouldn’t let go. Xander clasped his hands over his ears. He just wanted it to stop.
“Oh don’t be so glum, bud,” Jesse began. “This is great. It’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Xander, I’m free.”
Xander froze at his light words. “This isn’t you,” he objected.
“Wrong, this is me, the real me.”
As he said those words, Xander saw Jesse lick his lips as though the very sound of them was delicious.
“I know you Jess, please…” Xander begged.
“No, you don’t. You don’t know me, what I am, what I really am.” His voice was still, chilling, empty and dead.
“Jesse, I’m your best friend.”
“You still can be.”
“How?” Xander speculated. “Look at you, you’re…” he couldn’t hide the thick disgust oozing out of him. This…he…was filthy.
“Come join us,” his voice slithered. It was sly, slick, almost tempting as his voice wrapped its delicate arms around his neck, ready to crush with silent strength.
“What?” the word vanished in a wisp into the air.
“Come join us,” Jesse continued with casual coolness. Not the good kind, a kind that was tainted. This was not his friend, Jesse could never really be this slick. Jesse could never really be like this. Not really. “If you just join us, give in. We can be friends, forever.”
Friends forever. Forever. Forever. The word echoed inside his head, inside him. Xander looked at Jesse in front of him, who’s expression glazed back at him, his fangs fading away, replaced by his warm eyes, a soft, longing smile. Xander saw his nostalgia. Even though things were perfectly normal before, only about a day ago, it seemed like he had been apart from Jesse for an eternity, forever. Forever. Forever. Forever.
The word continued to echo inside his head. Jesse wanted to join him, be with him. Soft fragments of the times the pair had shared flickered into Xander’s mind. The time when Jesse broke his leg after they raced on their skateboards to see who could get to the comic book store first. The time Xander wouldn’t talk to Jesse for a whole two hours because he broke his toy fire truck. The time when Xander had dropped his ice cream scoop and Jesse gave him one of his double scoops. The time… All the times they could have had. He couldn’t lose him. He couldn’t lose him. What if he did give in? If he let these people, these things, these monsters - whatever the hell they really were - what if he let them have him? Take him.
But he would be going against Buffy… So? He barely even knew the girl, before her and all this, everything was so easy, simple. But now…Jesse. For all he knew she could be the cause of all this, she…she… Willow. That thought shot into his head, louder and clearer than the thousands of other mindless, pointless thoughts choking his panicked head. Willow - he couldn’t - he still had her. How could he even be thinking this? It would break her if she had to go through the same thing he has to now. She didn’t need that. He didn’t want that for her.
“No.”
Jesse simply grinned further more, a sly, malicious grin. The vampire approached him, his eyes hard into him, absent of their usual juvenile bubbliness. Xander stumbled back in terror. In actual terror of his friend. So, this is what they had done to him. They’d twisted him, corrupted him into something. Something else.
Jesse now had Xander cornered against the sewer wall. He slammed his hand viciously against it and Xander couldn’t help but flinch. Jesse laughed, licking in the fear. “Do you wanna just die?” he threatened. “Or do you just want to live like this, all alone because you’ve lost your bud?”
“No, I don’t.” Xander croaked slowly. “But I’ve already made my choice.” With heavy defiance, with all his will, power, strength, he slowly brought out a stake which slumbered in his pocket, pointing it threateningly at Jesse. Or what he thought might be Jesse. Threateningly at his old friend. Xander stared at Jesse, sickened at this, sickened at what he’d been forced into. But he was still Jesse right? There was still some part of him left in there? He screamed for it inside his head. There had to be. There must be a piece of him, clawing at the surface of this cold shell. And because he knew this, he couldn’t do it. He didn’t know he ever could.
“Go.”
Xander ordered the vampire to leave. His friend smirked cockily and took his arm smoothly off the wall. Without a noise in his actions he left, very unlike Jesse who was the clumsiest thing Xander had ever met, until now. “You know Xander, the afterlife’s not as bad as it’s made out to be…”
~+~
It was all over. At least for now anyway according to stuffy librarian guy. They all seemed to take it so lightly, the prospect of all this, facing more of those…things. Xander didn’t know whether he’d be able to handle it. Whether the next time he saw one, he’d think of Jesse. And freeze.
The folks were shouting. The folks were yelling and chucking things as Xander sat alone on his bed. Their angry yells showering through the door and into his room. But it wasn’t like he wasn’t used to it. He needed someone, but they wouldn’t listen. Who would? There was a knock at the open door and Xander looked up. There she was, with eyes he couldn’t mistake for anyone else. Warm, comforting eyes. Willow eyes.
“Hey…”
Who would? She would now. And he knew she would always. “Hey…”
The End