If you only knew
Wow.
Lately, all I have been thinking of is Kurtis.
Every little thing I do, every little thing I see, I think of him. I remember the things he's done for me, the way that he made me happy, everything.
Seriously...I mean, it WAS a year and a half ago, which seems so so far away.
My memories of him are slowly disappearing.
I don't want to forget anything that he did for me, I don't want to forget how happy I once was.
He was perfect.
He was mine.
I'm so pathetic.
I wanted to just call him and tell him that I miss him, but he's never there and I have no guts to tell him anything.
I've changed so much since then.
Everything has changed.
I knew who I was, now, I am just lost.
I don't know who I am at all.
He was my life.
I lost it, in a matter of a few hours.
Ever since then, life has been downhill.
I want him to be in my life again.
I mean, even just as friends, I just want to know that I have him there for me, like I once did.
I see all these couples together, and what I see is myself. I used to be that happy, I used to be in love the way that they are.
I want it back.
Instead of struggling.
I need him or someone like him.
Because I can't freakin' be on my own any longer.
I'm not strong enough, I don't think.
I know I shouldn't put so much "faith" into one person, but who else do I have right now?
I know I'll get comments...blah blah, I'm always here, but sometimes I feel like no one is.
But eh.
I just want to talk to him, I think I'll send him a letter, it has to be easier that way.
I still remember his address, his phone number, the way he smelled....eeeekk.
Geezus.
I want to talk to Candice right now, cuz she knows the right things to say, but shes away.
damnit.
C'mon!
I think I'll start writing that letter soon.
I"ll probbably look like a scary stalker.
OR maybe it'll actually mean something to him.
Who knows.
OH well.
I'm done crying to livejournal.
bye.