Dimitri Martin owns.

[youcantseeme24]

So I usually get my coffee at this deli by where I live, and I used to eat there too until I went in the bathroom and saw a sign that read "Employees must wash hands before returning to work... especially Carl

Comments

[xcandiikissezx]

lol!

[dramaqueenusagi]

I don't like Pinjatas, because they promote violence against flameboyant animals. Someone says "Hey look! a donkey with some pizzaz! Let's kick his ass."
"Which brings me to my next point. Don't make the same halloween costume mistake that I made"

"I like camoflauge. When you're in the woods, no one can see you. However if you see someone walking down the street wearing camo you say "Hey look! There's an asshole!" But when you're in the woods you're like "Are there any assholes out here?" No there's not, you can't see them, because they all look like trees."

"I bought a cactus the other day, and a week later, it died. And I thought "Damn, I am less caring and nurturing then a desert" (Ladies that's not true)

I was eating breakfast the other day, and I was using I Can't Believe It's Not Butter on my toast, because I like to be incredilous. Someone asks me "How was breakfast?" "Unbelieveable"

That's all I got for now Spencer

[dramaqueenusagi]

Oh, I have one more.

I noticed that there aren't any "B" batteries. I think that's because they wanted to avoid confusion. If there were, people wouldn't be able to tell if you were studdering. "Can I help you sir?" "Yes I would like some b batteries"