This is a fuck my life post
if it is tl;dr you can just read it as FML FML FML FML FML
It can't be a crime to say that I'm in denial of the whole 'growing up' shit. I don't think I'm ready for any of this RESPONSIBILITY crap, and on top of that, I just...don't really know wtf I'm doing with myself at this point, which is natural, but. IT REALLY DOESN'T MAKE THE PROCESS EASIER.
How am I already almost 20? What have I been doing with my time? Jesus, total LIFE CRISIS mode.
And well, I commute, so there's this inevitability of constant contact with my parents, and they've just been affirming and reaffirming this responsibility and goal-oriented lifestyle, being the Asian parents that they are, and frankly....it's stifling. Especially since now they've got my brother to compare me to, and it REALLY pisses me off when they keep on using the whole "YOU'RE MAKING THE SAME MISTAKES AS YOUR BROTHER" bullshit. First of all, STOP PAINTING MY BROTHER LIKE THE BIG FAILURE OF THE HOUSEHOLD. Jesus fucking Christ I can be protective of my brother and this is one of those times. Second, it's just these little shortcomings that I might have that they take and blow up into massive proportions, and in the end they come to the conclusion that I have no drive or initiative to get things done.
Yes, I acknowledge that I was late in applying for things.
Yes, I acknowledge that I was lazy about things like that.
but have they acknowledged that I FINALLY got my ass around to declaring my major from HURF UNDECIDED, did a stellar job on my midterm today, have been doing ALL of my work in an efficient and timely matter, and even working MORE to graduate a semester early, because they won't SHUT UP about how expensive it is to go to school?
It's just one thing that triggers all this nonsensical bullshit about my character instead of my actions, and it really rubs me the wrong way.
And also, the best part about this is, after my rage-induced yelling at my mother, I went up to my room and slammed the door so hard that the handle broke, and my door is so firmly wedged within the doorframe that, uh, I can't open my door.
I have to pull my door for it to open, and, uh. The handle just fell off.
I can't get out.
FUCK
MY
LIFE