On The Edge Of Breaking Down
Title: On The Edge Of Breaking Down
Author: youkeyh
Fandom: American Idol Season 8 RPS
Pairing / Character(s): Adam Lambert / Kris Allen
Word Count: 1134
Type/ Rating: H/C, Highschool AU; PG-13
Warning/s: mild form of angst, cursing
Disclaimer/s: I do not own the characters mentioned in the story. They own themselves. Possibly, each other. I make no profit from doing this. I have no bank account, therefore -I have no money. So please don’t sue. This is made purely for entertainment purposes only.
Author’s Notes: Written for my hc_bingo card under the prompt ‘ostracized from society’. Somehow inspired by the song ‘Welcome To My Life’ by Simple Plan.
*ETA: This is edited. a few lines were also added.*
Summary:The smile on his lips never left. His brown eyes full of emotion that he doesn’t have to tell what it is. His whole face just lighting up, just like an angel. His angel.
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
It was just like every other day. Always the same case. Adam comes home and goes straight to his room. He didn’t even bother greeting his mom anymore, not like what he used to do. He guesses she understands. When he finally closes the door was the moment he finally lets himself break.
Do you ever want to run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
If I could just get out of here. The thought had been in his mind for some time now. If he could get out of here, he can finally be free. He could finally be himself without the fear that someone would send him a hateful look or even give a snide comment. He walks to his desk and cranks up the speakers until he’s sure the volume would drown out his cries and screams. He flops face-down on the bed on the other side and gets it all out. He cries until his eyes were puffy that he couldn’t even see. He screams until his voice was hoarse that he was sure he wouldn’t be able to belt out in music class tomorrow.
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
He doesn’t understand. Even when he’s more mature mentally than other kids his age, he still doesn’t get it. He was so sick of everything. It was like a nightmare that he gets to relive everyday. He didn’t choose to be what he is. Its bullshit when people say you are the one who decides to be gay or not. Being gay is not some lifestyle you get to decide. He was born gay. He won’t hide himself because of people who are too ignorant to understand that.
To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
You feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
He feels lost, but he doesn’t exactly know why. He feels like he should be taking a different road for his life. Not like this. Like he’s forced to live in the same hell everyday. To be hurt by the same words every time. To live in fear that one day someone would take it a step too far. The past four years have changed him. He’s not the same person that everyone knew. He knows that they can’t see it. He had been really good at masking his real self away from people. He can’t rely on anyone, he’s not some princess from some fairy tale that has a prince charming to save him from evil people. Sometimes, he feels like giving up.
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?
There are times when he wishes he was just like the others. He wishes that he was just a jock that’s good in some sport and getting girls. Or some prep that’s always been envied by his peers. But the reality is he’s just some choir kid that hit the growth spurt too much with red hair and a whole lot of excess weight. He wants to be remembered. He wants to be somebody else. If he can’t, he feels that all of it will be over.
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
Everyone says that high school is not forever. Though it is true, you can’t make a kid in high school understand that. It might not be forever, but right now? It feels like it. He just wants it all to be finished. He doesn’t think he could take another day of faking everything. He doesn’t want to face people who live a life that is not them just to fit in. The rumors. The hate. The plastic smiles. The pretension. The hurt. He wants it all to end.
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
He’s still lost in his own little world that he didn’t hear the door open. The side of the bed tipped when someone sat. He doesn’t need to look to know who it is.
“Go away...”
“Why?” A hand touched his shoulder. He tries hard not to flinch, reminding himself that the hand belonged to someone he trusts. The only person he knows won’t hurt him. He’s not like the others. He’s special.
“Coz’ I want to be left alone. Please.”
“You know that’s not what I’m asking Adam.” Even his voice sounds sad.
He rolled around until his blue eyes met brown ones. “Then what is it?” He asks with more heat that he intended to. He tries not to notice how he flinched from Adam’s tone.
A hand touches his cheek. “You know you’re not alone. The words people use to hurt us might not be all the same. But I know how it feels. I know how it feels.”
To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
You feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
“I know you’re hurt. You think I’m not hurting? Just because I face everyday with some optimism doesn’t mean I’m not hurting.” He looks away from Adam to look at one of his posters. A small smile appeared on his lips, but it was mixed with sadness. “Don’t worry, if you get lost I’ll find you. Always.”
When he looked back at Adam, Adam had to hold his breath. The smile on his lips never left. His brown eyes full of emotion that he doesn’t have to tell what it is. His whole face just lighting up, just like an angel. His angel.
“I’ll never leave you. I’ll always find you.” And Kris kissed him.
---
Comments? Suggestions? Violent reactions? Anything?! Just hit the comment box and let me know.
And thank you for reading! :D
Author: youkeyh
Fandom: American Idol Season 8 RPS
Pairing / Character(s): Adam Lambert / Kris Allen
Word Count: 1134
Type/ Rating: H/C, Highschool AU; PG-13
Warning/s: mild form of angst, cursing
Disclaimer/s: I do not own the characters mentioned in the story. They own themselves. Possibly, each other. I make no profit from doing this. I have no bank account, therefore -I have no money. So please don’t sue. This is made purely for entertainment purposes only.
Author’s Notes: Written for my hc_bingo card under the prompt ‘ostracized from society’. Somehow inspired by the song ‘Welcome To My Life’ by Simple Plan.
*ETA: This is edited. a few lines were also added.*
Summary:The smile on his lips never left. His brown eyes full of emotion that he doesn’t have to tell what it is. His whole face just lighting up, just like an angel. His angel.
Click to viewDo you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
It was just like every other day. Always the same case. Adam comes home and goes straight to his room. He didn’t even bother greeting his mom anymore, not like what he used to do. He guesses she understands. When he finally closes the door was the moment he finally lets himself break.
Do you ever want to run away?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
If I could just get out of here. The thought had been in his mind for some time now. If he could get out of here, he can finally be free. He could finally be himself without the fear that someone would send him a hateful look or even give a snide comment. He walks to his desk and cranks up the speakers until he’s sure the volume would drown out his cries and screams. He flops face-down on the bed on the other side and gets it all out. He cries until his eyes were puffy that he couldn’t even see. He screams until his voice was hoarse that he was sure he wouldn’t be able to belt out in music class tomorrow.
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
He doesn’t understand. Even when he’s more mature mentally than other kids his age, he still doesn’t get it. He was so sick of everything. It was like a nightmare that he gets to relive everyday. He didn’t choose to be what he is. Its bullshit when people say you are the one who decides to be gay or not. Being gay is not some lifestyle you get to decide. He was born gay. He won’t hide himself because of people who are too ignorant to understand that.
To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
You feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
He feels lost, but he doesn’t exactly know why. He feels like he should be taking a different road for his life. Not like this. Like he’s forced to live in the same hell everyday. To be hurt by the same words every time. To live in fear that one day someone would take it a step too far. The past four years have changed him. He’s not the same person that everyone knew. He knows that they can’t see it. He had been really good at masking his real self away from people. He can’t rely on anyone, he’s not some princess from some fairy tale that has a prince charming to save him from evil people. Sometimes, he feels like giving up.
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over?
There are times when he wishes he was just like the others. He wishes that he was just a jock that’s good in some sport and getting girls. Or some prep that’s always been envied by his peers. But the reality is he’s just some choir kid that hit the growth spurt too much with red hair and a whole lot of excess weight. He wants to be remembered. He wants to be somebody else. If he can’t, he feels that all of it will be over.
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
Everyone says that high school is not forever. Though it is true, you can’t make a kid in high school understand that. It might not be forever, but right now? It feels like it. He just wants it all to be finished. He doesn’t think he could take another day of faking everything. He doesn’t want to face people who live a life that is not them just to fit in. The rumors. The hate. The plastic smiles. The pretension. The hurt. He wants it all to end.
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like
To be like me
He’s still lost in his own little world that he didn’t hear the door open. The side of the bed tipped when someone sat. He doesn’t need to look to know who it is.
“Go away...”
“Why?” A hand touched his shoulder. He tries hard not to flinch, reminding himself that the hand belonged to someone he trusts. The only person he knows won’t hurt him. He’s not like the others. He’s special.
“Coz’ I want to be left alone. Please.”
“You know that’s not what I’m asking Adam.” Even his voice sounds sad.
He rolled around until his blue eyes met brown ones. “Then what is it?” He asks with more heat that he intended to. He tries not to notice how he flinched from Adam’s tone.
A hand touches his cheek. “You know you’re not alone. The words people use to hurt us might not be all the same. But I know how it feels. I know how it feels.”
To be hurt, to feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
You feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
“I know you’re hurt. You think I’m not hurting? Just because I face everyday with some optimism doesn’t mean I’m not hurting.” He looks away from Adam to look at one of his posters. A small smile appeared on his lips, but it was mixed with sadness. “Don’t worry, if you get lost I’ll find you. Always.”
When he looked back at Adam, Adam had to hold his breath. The smile on his lips never left. His brown eyes full of emotion that he doesn’t have to tell what it is. His whole face just lighting up, just like an angel. His angel.
“I’ll never leave you. I’ll always find you.” And Kris kissed him.
---
Comments? Suggestions? Violent reactions? Anything?! Just hit the comment box and let me know.
And thank you for reading! :D