(no subject)
Zac
We walked across the dewy green grass together. It was the first time that I'd been allowed to come outside since I'd been in hospital. I didn't have too many injuries overall either, but I'd been having a lot of check ups over the last few days.
I put my arm around Jamie's waist as we walked side by side. I nudged him closer and he smiled a little bit as he stumbled into me, though it was my fault. The air was just cold enough for us to snuggle into eachother, and the grey sky told me that rain was coming very soon.
There were acres of grass surrounding the hospital, and on this side of the building, it was peaceful and there was nobody else around. A few grey statues and figures were scattered along the edge of the path and in the middle of a crystal clear fountain a naked stone angel gushed a line of water from his puckered up mouth and into the pool below him where many coins lay undisturbed.
"A wishing fountain," said Jamie quietly as we approached it. The smooth sound of running water tinkled it's way prettily to my ears. "Want to make a wish?" he asked me with a glance.
Before I had chance to reply he pulled out of my grasp and dug his hand into his jeans pocket. He pulled out a shiny coin and tossed it into the rippling water. He smiled. "Go ahead," he told me.
"Okay, but I can't tell you what I've wished for, or it won't come true," I said with a small smile and a glance. He nodded at me and watched my face carefully. He didn't make me feel uneasy so I let him do it.
I concentrated hard, even though I didn't believe that my wish would be granted by the doings of a stone angel spitting into a pool of water.
I wish that everything would be okay for us, I wish that all of this would end soon. I wish that we could all be happy again, like we were before the accident. That's what I wish.
"Done," I told Jamie.
"Okay."
I put my arm back around his waist for support and comfort. I was still hurting badly in some places on my body. I brought up the dreaded conversation.
"Jamie," I began, "why is everyone acting so wierd? And why can't I see Tay?" I asked with a glance.
"Zac, I ... I'm not sure how to tell you this ..."
"What?" I felt a wetness falling from my eyes.
"Taylor isn't doing so good and ..."
"Why isn't he?" I pulled away from Jamie roughly. "They said that he would be fine, were they lying?"
"No..." he tried to reach out for me but I shoved him away. "Zac, his condition has changed. He can't breath properly, he..."
"Shut up. Just stop talking. I don't want to hear this bullshit. Stop saying such fucking horrible things, I don't want to hear..."
"He's on a life support machine, Zac," he said quietly. I just stood there in shock, trying not to believe what he was saying to me. I wouldn't let that information in yet.
"So? Life support is just temporary until he gets better, right?" I asked hopefully.
"No, Zac, I've been talking with your parents and there's something that I have to tell you... " His eyes were filling up rapidly, and I immediatly felt guilty for shoving him away a few moments ago.
"Jay, come here to me, please," I stuttered through my frightened sobs. He came to me and we sat down together at the base of a tree trunk. It had started raining and the green leaves protected us from the icy droplets. The air was very cold now, and a bitterness swept along with the harsh breeze. We sat as close as we could and he put his arms around my neck, pressing his forehead to mine.
"Taylor is in pain, and there is nothing that they can do for him now. They can't even give him more drugs so that he stays unconscience. He is in constant agony Zac, and even if he made it through, in the end he would be paralyzed ... the docters said that there is a high chance that he'll be brain dead, because of his brain being deprived of oxygen, do you understand what I'm saying to you Zac?"
"Yes," I choked the word through the middle of my cries of sorrow. My heart was pounding dangerously hard in my chest, and I felt like I needed to die. He pressed himself harder to me, surrounding me in warmth.
"Zac, I ... God ... I ..." he stuttered.
"What is it Jay?" I whispered as I looked at him closely, trying to read his facial expression.
"Your parents are going to follow the docters advice Zac."
"And what is his advice?" I asked clearly.
"Zac ... "
"What the fuck is his advice?" I shouted at him, my body starting to tremble in his tight grasp.
"Your family are in the hospital right this second - all of them. Natalie, Ezra, Penny, your sisters and Mac, your grandparents, everyone is there."
"Why?"
"For Taylor, that's why I brought you down here. Me and your dad agreed that I'd be the one to tell you, while everyone else says..." He sobbed hard and slumped against my body.
"What's going on Jay, please tell me. Please," I pleaded with him, cupping his chin in my hands, looking deep into his eyes. He looked back at me and tried to wipe away his tears.
"Zac, they're saying goodbye."
Darkness.
Don't leave me, don't you dare fucking leave me
"Zac? Zac?" I was being shaken by my shoulders, "Zac? Come on, are you okay?" Jamie was looking over me. I was lying on the grass, my head pounding painfully.
"What happened?" I groaned. I had strong feelings of grief lingering in my body, and when I remembered what had caused them, I nearly blacked out again.
"Zac, you fainted, I think. Come on, I'll take you back to the hospital," he said as he pulled me to my feet slowly. I obliged and let him help me walk back towards the building.
"They're going to kill him," I cried out.
"No, Zac, they have no choice but to turn off the machine, you have to understand that."
"Who's going to turn it off? Mom? Dad?"
"I don't know, the docter probably."
"When?"
"Tonight."
"No."
"Zac ..."
"I'll do it, not him. He's a liar. He said that Taylor would be fine."
"You want to turn it off?" he asked me. I cried into his shoulder as we walked.
"Yes. Not him. No one else. I'll do it."
"Okay." We walked back to the hospital in an almost perfect silence. My sobs cut throught the air a few times.
When we arrived back at my hospital room, I saw the crowd of family members and friends that were sitting outside of Tay's room, trying not to show their tears. I ran to that crowd, and I hurried past all of the confused faces, to my mother. I flung myself into her arms and sobbed with my whole heart. She rubbed my back and soothed me for what seemed like an eternity. I liked it there, but eventually, I had to let her go.
Natalie came out of Taylor's room carrying Ezra on her hip. Her face crumpled and her father quickly took the confused Ezra from his daughter's arms so that her mother could comfort her. For hours I sat outside of my brothers room, Jamie waiting beside me faithfully. I was thankful that he was there.
For hours I watched brave people enter Taylor's room, only to come out with small smiles on their faces, trying to hide their pain. Most people burst into tears when they left him, knowing that they would never see his beautiful eyes full of life again.
I hugged people and I cried with them. I hugged Natalie as she wept, thinking that I understood her pain more than she did. I hugged Ezra as he clung to me, scared of the crying grown-ups. I hugged Avery and Zoe and Jessica for a long time, letting them release their pain on to me. Mac was putting on a brave face, and he refused to be touched by anyone at first. Later on, he crumpled and my father held him like a young child.
By 10.30pm, most people had gone home, and I hadn't seen Taylor yet.