(no subject)
Zac
"Zachary Hanson?" I spun around at the sound of my name. A middle aged man in a white coverall and spectacles approached me from behind.
"Zachary, I'm Docter Moor and I've been taking care of your brother for the last week..."
"You didn't do a very good fucking job, bastard," I tried to lunge at the balding man but my father's strong hands grabbed my shoulders and pulled me back roughly.
"Zac, what the hell do you think you're doing?" he spat angrily next to my ear. My mother was standing a couple of feet away from us, next to Jamie and my younger siblings. They all looked scared and tired.
"You said that he'd be okay, you're just a stupid fucking liar..." I snarled at the bewildered docter, anger and rage exploding inside of me in bursts.
"There were a lot of complications Mr Hanson, I am sorry but if you are not fit enough to be the one turning off the life support machine, then I won't allow you to..."
"Just shut the fuck up, you're a liar, I want Taylor back, it's your job to make him better, and you fucking failed. Now we all have to grieve for our twenty two year old brother. See that girl over there, she's only six years old, and she has to grieve. I hope you got a good fucking wage for doing nothing helpful..." I continued to shout at the man. He was taking it all in his stride, as if he'd heard it all a million times before.
"Zac, shut up, now," my father said into my ear. I ignored him and tried to lunge at the docter again. In turn, my father swung his fist out at my jaw, hitting me dead on.
I didn't fall over, but I tasted blood in my mouth.
"This man has done so much to help Taylor. How dare you say those things to him," my dad began, pointing a finger at me.
"I just want him back," I whispered, tears starting to run down my face. I collapsed to my knees and sobbed into my hands. I heard a quick shuffling of shoes on the polished floor, and then a comforting hand rested on my back, between my shoulders.
"Shh, it's okay Zac," Jamie whispered against my neck lovingly. He rocked with me for a few moments before the warm comforting breathing from his mouth disappeared. He was looking up at my father. "How can you be so harsh to him? He was in the accident too, you seem to forget that sometimes Walker. Don't touch him again," he said quietly but bravely. Relief washed through me at the thought of someone being on my side - at least partly.
"Jamie, he was out of order..." my mother began.
"Yes, he was, but that doesn't mean that your husband should act out of order as well. Two wrongs don't make a right," Jamie was my hero.
"I guess. Come on kids," my mother began shuffling them down the corridor but Zoe burst into tears.
"Mommy, I want Tay to come too, don't leave him here in this scary place, he won't like it, why can't he come mommy? Why not? Please let him come home, I want him to stay with us forever, please," Zoe cried, looking up at our mom pleadingly.
"Oh, come here, honey," mom said to her. She picked her up (with difficulty) and hugged her closely, soothing away our baby sisters tears.
They all left, including my father, leaving me and Jamie with the docter.
"Is your jaw okay?" he asked wearily.
"Yes, thanks." I stood quickly with the help of Jamie's hand and faced the man.
"Who are you again?" He turned to Jay.
"Oh, I'm just a friend. I'm here to support Zac."
"Oh, okay. Follow me." We did, and he led us to Taylor's room, where my true love lay hurt and wounded amongst the beeps, the wires and the tubes. I almost fainted at the prospect of denying him life, after all, I was the one who was going to basically ... kill him.
I swallowed back with a heavy gulp as we approached the machine.
"I'll wait outside," Jamie whispered into my ear.
"Okay," I managed to sputter out.
He turned back around when he got to the doorway. "I'll be waiting for you, Zac." He smiled beautifully and some weight was lifted from my heavy heart.
Jamie closed the door as he left.
"Zachary, this is important now listen. The drugs that Jordan already..."
"Taylor," I corrected him.
"The drugs that Taylor already has in his system will be wearing off anytime soon, and if you don't turn off the machine when I advise, then he will be in immense pain. Are you sure that you want to do this?"
I nodded in response.
"Right then, I'll be outside with Jamie afterwards, and you can stay in here a while if you need to."
I nodded again at his words. He showed me what I had to do to turn off the machine before stepping back for me.
I cried, one hand on the switch that would kill my brother, and one hand wrapped around his limp fingers. I buried my face into his neck, not moving my hands an inch, just sobbing, and breathing in his perfect scent. I tried to memorize the way his soft skin felt against my nose and my cheeks. I waited a few long moments, just thinking of him and his perfect ways. I listened to his steady breathing before I did the hardest thing that I'd ever done in my entire life.
I pushed the switch, and sighed heavily in emotional exhaustion. My face was still buried in Taylor's warm neck. I blanked out, occassionaly hearing shuffles and feeling movements from around me and Taylor.
After a couple of minutes the noises stopped and I heard the door open, then close. I looked up. The docter had gone, and Taylor's beautiful body was free of tubes. He looked perfectly peaceful, but it was strange seeing him be so still. His chest was no longer moving up and down steadily.
In the back of my mind, I'd idly hoped that he would still be breathing when the machine was turned off. I'd thought up the whole fantasy. In that fantasy, Taylor had just carried on breathing without the machine, and it had been a miracle. The docters had all rushed in, shocked. The family had all been happy again, and a couple of weeks later Taylor had gotten better again, and we'd all been happy.
It was a fantasy.
It was impossible.
I watched his chest, looking for movement, but there was nothing.
It hit me in that instant that he was really gone. My Taylor was gone and I would never see him again. I would never get to see him laugh again, I would never see him smile, or even cry. He was gone. Ezra had lost his father, Natalie had lost her husband, Penny would never know him. We'd lost a brother, I'd lost a lover though. He would never kiss me again, he would never love me again. All of these thoughts and more hit me at once and I almost fainted with grief.
I climbed into bed with my brother, and buried myself into his peacefully still body. My face was against his neck, my tears wetting his delicate skin. My hands were holding his waist tightly to my own body and I wept.
Eventually I slipped into darkness with grief and exhaustion.
I didn't know if it was sleep or if I'd fainted, but I let the feeling take me away.