dead!fic part one
yes it will come in multiple parts. a lot of these i've given up hope on and almost all of them are written circa 2010-2011 (i'll definitely make a note of it if i post something from this year but if i do, i probably haven't fully given up on it). i pretty much only have a couple of things that are completed that i just never posted and i don't really care about them but i'll throw em up at some point.
also. something to keep in mind. some of these things i actually got pretty far into-- 7 or 8 pages worth of writing-- before i gave it up for something else. so there's going to be some hopelessly long not-reviveable-fic here. hopefully no one hates me for this by the time i'm done..
oh yeah and i reused a lot of lines from deadfic to put into livefic so some stuff that's already been posted here will be repeated!!
enjoy this truly awful sneak peek into my brain 4 years ago yuck i'm already flinching
**
It goes like this: static in his ears when the line dies; white noise pooling in his veins when the Want becomes the Need and the Need morphs into Love and he says it too loud to the blank receiver. Like whispers in a graveyard amongst the dead, he daren’t breathe it, he daren’t think it.
There’s a ghost in his sheets, and he’s chasing it away with alcohol and his impatient fingers tear apart a road of photographs, no need for the past. There’s something to be said about love and war (or is it a war in love? Is love a war? Everything is blurring together with each drink he has).
Nino has his weaknesses sorted; he never expected Ohno to be one of them. His phone sings to life, and he sings himself to sleep, and he pretends that there is nothing wrong because he’s just so beautifully talented at that.
Why does every fight have to feel like it’s the last? His voicemail asks, but Nino doesn’t have an answer.
**
“We still have Arashi to think about, after all,” Jun’s mouth is saying, before he can stop it. He wants to stop it, wants to take it back between his lips, and stupidly wonders if shock can make a person relive moments of their life like déjà vu, because he’s pretty sure he said these exact words when he found Nino and Leader making out in a stairwell.
He just never imagined he’d be repeating them in this situation.
Jun knows from the depths of his soul that it’s the wrong thing to say when Sho’s eyes shutter and he says, “I suppose you’re right.” He bows low and apologizes, flustered, cheeks burning crimson, and then he hurries away and Jun wants to know what the hell is wrong with him that he couldn’t say what he is actually thinking: Yes, please, I never fell out of love with you.
**
What happens between you and I, Nino says, the day they become “Official,” is only for us.
It’s irrational to think such a thing; they’re two fifths of a ludicrously popular idol group, and they can’t hide from the world forever while they struggle to find their footing in the new level their relationship has taken. It could end them; it could end Arashi. And Ohno secretly thinks we are so selfish for all of this but then he thinks but we are always so selfless. They deserve something that is only for them and if that something includes sneaking kisses behind the set when the others are looking for them to begin filming, then Ohno will gladly accept it.
Things don’t change at first; not really. They’re still Nino and Ohno, and they still are bratty and contemplative, respectively. They touch each other as much as ever before, with an audience or without one. There is purpose, but it’s only felt and never seen.
When the change occurs, it surprises Ohno. He wakes up one morning to a message from Nino- it doesn’t say anything important, it’s just a picture of toast and dried fruits. He replies with Be there in fifteen and realizes that he’s deciphered the meaning behind the picture without any real thought or effort.
And it hits him hard, suddenly, how terrified he is. This is Nino. He’s dating Nino, his best friend, someone who understands him and adores him and wants him and is willing to fight with him as much as he is willing to kiss him senseless. He starts to think about all the ways this could go wrong, all of the ways that they could destroy themselves and each other and everything they’ve worked so hard for. He almost doesn’t want to go to Nino’s anymore, but he shows up at the threshold despite that, letting himself in with the spare key that he quietly pocketed a month after they started dating.
Nino makes him pancakes, despite his own small excuse for a breakfast, and he doesn’t fill the silence. It worries Ohno; he’s begun to adjust to a Nino that hums and sways at the stove, or whines that he doesn’t want to make food, but he always does it anyway, for Ohno.
“What if-” he starts to say, wanting to voice his fears, the darkness seeping into the holes where the happiness belongs.
“It won’t,” Nino interrupts, setting a stack down on the table in front of him; there is a frown etched into his face, his eyes sharp and smart and reading so deeply into Ohno that he thinks Nino might actually see more of him than he sees himself.
“You don’t even know what I was going to-”
“Yes I do,” Nino says. He sets one hand against Ohno’s shoulder; sweeps a thumb over his pulse point. “Why would you think I don’t ask myself the same things? You just have to trust me. And trust yourself. Have a little faith, Oh-chan. We could all survive on just a little faith.”
Nino leans down to kiss him, slow and sweet, and Ohno thinks he might be in love with him. Somehow, it’s more comforting to know he isn’t the only one that’s scared.
**
okay maybe there will be more tomorrow, i finally started cleaning off my old netbook so i have some more stuff in there too that'll wiggle out eventually but it's very late right now and sleep is calling me because i just forgot how to close lj-cuts i guess. thanks for reading!! <333
also. something to keep in mind. some of these things i actually got pretty far into-- 7 or 8 pages worth of writing-- before i gave it up for something else. so there's going to be some hopelessly long not-reviveable-fic here. hopefully no one hates me for this by the time i'm done..
oh yeah and i reused a lot of lines from deadfic to put into livefic so some stuff that's already been posted here will be repeated!!
enjoy this truly awful sneak peek into my brain 4 years ago yuck i'm already flinching
**
It goes like this: static in his ears when the line dies; white noise pooling in his veins when the Want becomes the Need and the Need morphs into Love and he says it too loud to the blank receiver. Like whispers in a graveyard amongst the dead, he daren’t breathe it, he daren’t think it.
There’s a ghost in his sheets, and he’s chasing it away with alcohol and his impatient fingers tear apart a road of photographs, no need for the past. There’s something to be said about love and war (or is it a war in love? Is love a war? Everything is blurring together with each drink he has).
Nino has his weaknesses sorted; he never expected Ohno to be one of them. His phone sings to life, and he sings himself to sleep, and he pretends that there is nothing wrong because he’s just so beautifully talented at that.
Why does every fight have to feel like it’s the last? His voicemail asks, but Nino doesn’t have an answer.
**
“We still have Arashi to think about, after all,” Jun’s mouth is saying, before he can stop it. He wants to stop it, wants to take it back between his lips, and stupidly wonders if shock can make a person relive moments of their life like déjà vu, because he’s pretty sure he said these exact words when he found Nino and Leader making out in a stairwell.
He just never imagined he’d be repeating them in this situation.
Jun knows from the depths of his soul that it’s the wrong thing to say when Sho’s eyes shutter and he says, “I suppose you’re right.” He bows low and apologizes, flustered, cheeks burning crimson, and then he hurries away and Jun wants to know what the hell is wrong with him that he couldn’t say what he is actually thinking: Yes, please, I never fell out of love with you.
**
What happens between you and I, Nino says, the day they become “Official,” is only for us.
It’s irrational to think such a thing; they’re two fifths of a ludicrously popular idol group, and they can’t hide from the world forever while they struggle to find their footing in the new level their relationship has taken. It could end them; it could end Arashi. And Ohno secretly thinks we are so selfish for all of this but then he thinks but we are always so selfless. They deserve something that is only for them and if that something includes sneaking kisses behind the set when the others are looking for them to begin filming, then Ohno will gladly accept it.
Things don’t change at first; not really. They’re still Nino and Ohno, and they still are bratty and contemplative, respectively. They touch each other as much as ever before, with an audience or without one. There is purpose, but it’s only felt and never seen.
When the change occurs, it surprises Ohno. He wakes up one morning to a message from Nino- it doesn’t say anything important, it’s just a picture of toast and dried fruits. He replies with Be there in fifteen and realizes that he’s deciphered the meaning behind the picture without any real thought or effort.
And it hits him hard, suddenly, how terrified he is. This is Nino. He’s dating Nino, his best friend, someone who understands him and adores him and wants him and is willing to fight with him as much as he is willing to kiss him senseless. He starts to think about all the ways this could go wrong, all of the ways that they could destroy themselves and each other and everything they’ve worked so hard for. He almost doesn’t want to go to Nino’s anymore, but he shows up at the threshold despite that, letting himself in with the spare key that he quietly pocketed a month after they started dating.
Nino makes him pancakes, despite his own small excuse for a breakfast, and he doesn’t fill the silence. It worries Ohno; he’s begun to adjust to a Nino that hums and sways at the stove, or whines that he doesn’t want to make food, but he always does it anyway, for Ohno.
“What if-” he starts to say, wanting to voice his fears, the darkness seeping into the holes where the happiness belongs.
“It won’t,” Nino interrupts, setting a stack down on the table in front of him; there is a frown etched into his face, his eyes sharp and smart and reading so deeply into Ohno that he thinks Nino might actually see more of him than he sees himself.
“You don’t even know what I was going to-”
“Yes I do,” Nino says. He sets one hand against Ohno’s shoulder; sweeps a thumb over his pulse point. “Why would you think I don’t ask myself the same things? You just have to trust me. And trust yourself. Have a little faith, Oh-chan. We could all survive on just a little faith.”
Nino leans down to kiss him, slow and sweet, and Ohno thinks he might be in love with him. Somehow, it’s more comforting to know he isn’t the only one that’s scared.
**
okay maybe there will be more tomorrow, i finally started cleaning off my old netbook so i have some more stuff in there too that'll wiggle out eventually but it's very late right now and sleep is calling me because i just forgot how to close lj-cuts i guess. thanks for reading!! <333