(no subject)
1. i really hate the fact that my brother and father like to provoke arguments all the time. my mom and i basically never argue, but either one of those two guys totally screws everything up.
2. i am seriously considering quitting crew, and since that is a very real possibility and i am madly in love with ballet again, i think i will probably start again. because it was really the only semi-remotely athletic thing i was ever really good at, and i have been dreaming about it and craving it and i really, really need it right now. something that would be an escape from my problems instead of an addition to them. which crew, this year, will definitely be. i will probably make my decision by the end of january. and i will probably be quitting.
3. i made a list of all the things i want from the jcrew right now, adding up to $1,717 (which is oddly i think the same amount as last time, with completely different objects...). and the sad part is what my mom said when i told her the amount..."hey, if you go to UVA i'll buy you all of it." and i made a scoffing face and she said "or yale." and i am now really sad because one of them i hate and one of them i love, but i will end up going to the one i hate and wont get into the one i love. and it continues to make me sad how my mom (and it seems everyone in my freaking family, and in northern virginia, or southern maryland for that matter) is so in love with UVA and thinks that BC (or basically any non-ivy that's not UVA) would be a total waste of money. everyone's like "well undergrad doesn't matter if you're going to med school." but seriously? it doesn't matter where i live for the next four years? it doesn't matter whether i genuinely enjoy my college years or whether i resent myself and my parents for the rest of my life because i ended up going to a school i don't like?
:(
4. in addition, i can be really mean to a few people who don't really deserve it, but i can't help it because i'm unhappy, and stressed, and have too many major decisions to make that will not be easy at all. so i apologize, but i can't make myself change. i don't have the strength to do that right now.
5. just to add to the general crappiness of my day and life in general right now, this guy was driving max of 20mph in my neighborhood, and i was behind him (and at a reasonable distance considering the retard's speed), and he pulls over (no signal) and proceeds to tell me that the speed limit is 25 (no shit) and that i was "barely 10 feet behind me" (10 feet is not tailgating, dumbass) and that the speed limit is low "because there are kids playing on the street" (dude, it's pitch black outside and it's a weeknight. wtf?). and then some more bs i didn't listen to, but way to be a total dickhead, yeah?
i am very sensitive when strangers are total dumbasses and tell ME what i'm doing wrong since obviously 30 mph is an unreasonable speed to drive at in my neighborhood.
ps mr torrence is the worst essay grader of all time. seriously. this senior year is literally at least five times harder than last year, and significantly more stressful.
that is all. for now.