( text ) Karkat: Turn stupid joke into game canon

[yourgoddamnit]

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board THE DISCO HELL --

CG: I HAVE GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS FOR ALL THE HOSTAGE VICTIMS ACROSS THIS NOT SO GLORIOUS LAND

Comments

[asideglance]

I told you to stay inside! Where are you?!

[yourgoddamnit]

CG: YES YOU ARE INDEED THE MOST HELPFUL.
CG: EVEN THOUGH I ALREADY TOLD YOU I WASN'T EVEN INSIDE IN THE FIRST PLACE BECAUSE I'M IN ANOTHER UNIVERSE WITH NO GUIDANCE TO HOUSING, BUILD GRIST, OR DRONES.
CG: OR MAYBE I'M JUST A PARADOX, AS YOU SEEM TO THINK.
CG: IF YOU PUT A CG OUTSIDE, IS HE STILL OUTSIDE WHEN YOU DON'T SEE HIM?
CG: NO, HE'S INSIDE SIMPLY BECAUSE YOU SAID SO.
CG: I AM SCHRODINGER'S CG.

[asideglance]

...If all you required was a map, it would have been easy to ask. [you know, be blunt, like Japan is never.]

Perhaps if you gave me your location, I could help you to the hospital.

[yourgoddamnit]

CG: AND WHAT WOULD I DO WITH THAT, SLEEP ON IT?
CG: YOU'RE NOT COMING NEAR ME.
CG: NO ONE IS COMING NEAR ME.
CG: I HAVE BEEN TAKING CARE OF MY WOUNDS SINCE I WAS A WRIGGLER AND FUCK IF I'LL NEED HELP NOW.
CG: JUST ANSWER THE AFOREMENTIONED QUESTION IN A NON HYPOTHETICAL MANNER.

[loyal_cube]

[Okay, his head kinda hurts]

I don't think you'd be able to find supplies without being seen, at least, not easily.

Are you injured?

[yourgoddamnit]

CG: MY BLOOD IS EVERYWHERE WHERE I DON'T WANT IT TO BE.
CG: RIGHT WHERE ANYONE ELSE CAN SEE IT.

[loyal_cube]

Blood isn't abnormal here. Just how much blood is it? How badly are you bleeding?

I can bring some bandages but you'll have to let me see you to do it.

[yourgoddamnit]

CG: UNLIKE SOME TROLLS I DON'T CARE TO FUCKING SHOUT MY BLOOD COLOR TO ENTIRE WORLD.
CG: I AM BLEEDING ENOUGH TO ALTER THIS SITUATION FROM "HYPOTHETICAL SCENARIO" TO "FUCKING REALITY."
CG: JUST LEAVE IT SOMEWHERE I'LL GET IT MYSELF.

Text - been reading homestuck all day. I couldn't resist.

[whiterose_mizer]

You go to the hospital.

Unless you're injured to the point of being unable to move, well then you're on your own with that.

Have fun.

Text - awwww yeah more Homestuck fans o/

[yourgoddamnit]

CG: WOW I'M FLOORED AT JUST HOW HELPFUL THAT WAS.
CG: THAT WAS SARCASM BY THE WAY.
CG: YOU FUCKING SUCK AT THIS.
CG: I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THE FUCK THE HOSPITAL IS, WHO I COULD ENCOUNTER ALONG THE WAY, AND I HAVE LIMITED MEANS OF GETTING THERE CONSIDERING HOW MY THORAX IS TORN TO SHIT.

Text - I'm so glad I was converted you have no idea. D:

[whiterose_mizer]

You could always look at a damn map maybe.

Suck it up, if you're texting this much you're not as hurt as you claim to be. Start crawling.

Text - MY REACTION EXACTLY.

[yourgoddamnit]

CG: I HAVE BEEN HERE LESS THAN A HUMAN WEEK, SO I DON'T HAVE A MAP YOU NOOKBRAINED DIPSHIT.
CG: AND FUCK YOU I'M FIGHTING OFF IMPS WITH A SICKLE AND TYPING AT THE SAME TIME.
CG: MY FURIOUS TYPING SURPASSES YOUR PITIFUL EXPECTATIONS OF BLOOD LOSS.
CG: LET'S PRESUME I HAD A MAP, AND LET'S PRESUME I COULD MOVE EASILY.
CG: THAT ANSWERS NONE OF THE ABOVE QUESTIONS ON HOW TO MOVE AROUND WITH ANONYMITY.
CG: MORE SO, HOW TO GET THERE WITHOUT LEAVING BEHIND A BLOODY TRAIL FOR MORE MONSTERS TO FOLLOW.

[dustedsunlight]

You're hurt? The hospital would help you, though... do you know how to get there?

I didn't know there were penguins here... hm.

[yourgoddamnit]

CG: I REFUSE.
CG: SOME DOUCHEBAG HAS DECIDED TO BRING ME SUPPLIES ANYWAY.
CG: AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE FUCK IT ACTUALLY IS
CG: BUT IT TALKS AND IT IS BENFROMLOST.
CG: HE IS A GOD AMONG PENGUIN CREATURES.

[dustedsunlight]

Er, it looks like a penguin? I think.

Do you know how to bandage yourself?

[yourgoddamnit]

CG: YEAH IT'S WEIRD BLUE FLIPPERBEAST.
CG: POINT BEING HE IS NOW MY MINION.
CG: I'VE BEEN BANDAGING MYSELF SINCE I WAS A GRUB.
CG: IF I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO AT LEAST DO THAT I'D BE FAUNA FODDER BY NOW.