( text; ) Karkat: Ride the bear to the top of the hole and acquire a Vriska

[yourgoddamnit]

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] RIGHT NOW posted to board DISCEDOCITY --

LET ME TELL YOU THE TALE OF MY WOES, DISCEDO

Comments

text;

[asideglance]

If Karkat is coming over, please knock first.

text;

[yourgoddamnit]

IF JAPAN CONTINUES TO ADDRESS ME IN THIRD PERSON
I MIGHT HAVE TO SLAP HIM.

I'M ASSUMING YOU'RE NO LONGER A WRIGGLER?

text;

[asideglance]

That is simply how I address others...

...Correct. I have returned to normal age.

text;

[yourgoddamnit]

YOU ARE TALKING DIRECTLY TO ME.
CALLING ME KARKAT JUST SOUNDS PRETENTIOUS AND/OR RETARDED.
LIKE AN INHERENTLY STUPID ELITIST.
LIKE IF EQUIUS RECEIVED EVEN MORE BRAIN DAMAGE.

THANK JEGUS. IF YOU STAYED A WRIGGLER I MIGHT HAVE JUST
JUMPED OUT THE WINDOW OR SOMETHING.
WHICH IS PRETTY INEFFECTIVE CONSIDERING I LIVE ON THE GROUND LEVEL.
I WOULD HAVE HAD TO HAVE PUT A LARGE SPIKE RIGHT OUTSIDE THE WINDOW FIRST.

[voice]

[whatthefactor]

[So that's where it disappeared to.]

What the factor are you doing on my Grizzly, you half-brained hectopascal? .... And of greater value, why hasn't it tried mauled your legs or something yet?

[voice]

[yourgoddamnit]

I'M RIDING IT TO GLORY
AND I NEEDED A WAY TO GET OUT OF THE HOLE.

BELIEVE ME, IT TRIED TO BITE THE SHIT OUT OF ME
BUT THEN I SHOWED IT MY STABS.

[ by that he means he flashed his sickle and just hopped on its back. ]

[voice]

[whatthefactor]

"Your stabs" are an irrelevant! It's bipedal, which means you and your yoctogram are most likely dangling your lower appendages right near its arms. And if it can see your legs, it should have tried to rip them off by now or something of that set.

[A pause. He's picturing this and laughing at this mental image.]

[voice]

[yourgoddamnit]

WHAT THE FUCK IS A YOCTOGRAM?
NO, WAIT.
I'VE STOPPED CARING.
THE SIMPLE EXPLANATION IS THAT I'VE CONQUERED THE FANGBEAST
AS IT HAS RECOGNIZED ME AS ITS RAGE-FILLED KIN.
RAGEKIN.
AND IT KNOWS BETTER THAN TO EAT VRISKA BECAUSE HER VEINS ARE FILLED WITH POISON AND DECEPTION.
SHE WOULD TASTE LIKE SHIT SATURATED IN LEAD PAINT.

[that_bowtie]

Oh I've heard of you. The leader. The... textually loud one with a temper. Hello!

Sorry about the sunburn, try aloe. Or... Vinegar. Or milk or something.

[yourgoddamnit]

AND I'VE HEARD OF YOU, DOCTOR DOUCHEBAG.

DO ANY OF THOSE ACTUALLY WORK OR ARE YOU JUST SPEWING BULLSHIT AT ME IN MOCKERY OF MY PAIN?

[that_bowtie]

Nope, just Doctor. Been busy since setting up the tower and catching flying fish, I see! Nice to see you again.

Sort of.

And if I was spewing excrement, I don't think I'd be speaking to you right now. So no. No mockery here. Suppose you could look for sunburn lotion too if our neighborhood scientists have ever decided to stock it.

[yourgoddamnit]

WHATEVER, DOUCHEBAG. I COULD HAVE STOOD TO NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN, BUT THE UNIVERSE CLEARLY HATES ME.

EVERY TIME YOU SPEAK IT'S LIKE
THIS SMUG, VAGUELY JOKING DISPLAY OF MIRTH.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW IF ANYTHING YOU SAY IS TRUTH OR IF YOU'RE JUST FUCKING WITH ME?
I'M ALSO STUCK IN A UNIVERSE OUTSIDE OF MY OWN WITH A CORNUCOPIA OF HUMAN AND HUMAN-LIKE CREATURE
SO EXCUSE ME IF I DON'T TAKE EVERY STRANGER'S WORD TO HEART.

I DIDN'T SEE ANY BOTTLES OF THAT SPECIFICALLY. I JUST TOOK WHATEVER SEEMED LIKE IT WOULDN'T HURT MY HUSK.

[lonelyglub]

hey leader
hey leader
hey you fuckass
wwhile you wwere out wwe wwere busy bein invvaded by denmark the rainboww drinker
he wwishes to brainwwash us all wwith morals and stories and hot chocolate
so dont you dare fuckin ride up here on your high bear and givve us your seed flap about lockin you out
thats wwhat wwindowws are for in a time of emergency blockade
fefs in charge durin this emergency since you are such an incapable fuckass
god you suck you cant evven be remotely useful wwhen our livves are are stake!

im off to destroy the threat
you can make yourself useful or you can be a lazy fuckass i dont givve a fuck!

[yourgoddamnit]

OH I'M SORRY WHAT WAS THAT?
YOU WERE COWERING IN THE FUCKING HIVE WHILE I WAS OUT ENDURING THE SUN JUST SO I COULD APPEASE YOUR GULLET, YOU UNGRATEFUL SHIT?
I RECANT MY PREVIOUS THOUGHTS.
YOU GET ALL OF THE TOOTHPASTE
AND NOTHING ELSE.
I HOPE YOU CAN SURVIVE OFF OF THE MINTY SUSTENANCE ALONE.

AS LONG AS YOU LET ME IN, I DON'T ESPECIALLY GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOU DO TO THAT BLOND WASTE OF SPACE.
I'VE TOLD HIM TIME AND TIME AGAIN
"YOU ARE A MISTAKE OF THE UNIVERSE
AMEND THIS IMMEDIATELY AND THROW YOURSELF OFF A BRIDGE."
HE HAS YET TO HEED MY ADVICE.

WHEN I'M DONE RIDING THE BEAR
BRING ME UP TO SPEED AS TO THIS DENMARK SITUATION
AND ALL OTHER SITUATIONS THAT I'M UNAWARE OF.

[lonelyglub]

wwhatevver i can slay wwhales to get sandwwiches

but yeah sure ill get you all caught up
just let me leavve to go slay the threat

[And then Eridan jumped out the window with his gun on his back and his science wand well hidden.]

[yourgoddamnit]

YES HAVE FUN WITH THAT.
YOUR WHALE SANDWICHES WILL HAVE NO CONDIMENTS, THOUGH.
NONE.

WAIT WHAT.
DON'T DO ANYTHING STUPID, IDIOT.
THE LAST THING I NEED IS TO SAVE YOUR ASS AGAIN.

text; from... right next to you :V !

[8ossyfangs]

What is that supposed to mean?
No one lost track of me!
I totally could have found my way 8ack without you!

text; obviously the only way to communicate with anyone, anytime.

[yourgoddamnit]

YOU'RE WELCOME FOR THE RIDE.
NO NEED TO THANK ME.

IF YOU'RE SO SELF-SUFFICIENT, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING OUT HERE WANDERING LIKE A WRIGGLER THAT'S BEEN CARRIED AWAY BY AN EAGLE AND DROPPED INTO A FOREIGN LAND?

text; *obviously*

[8ossyfangs]

What I was doing is nothing like that!
I was just looking around, okay?
And may8e this land is foreign 8ut I wasn't lost!

text;

[yourgoddamnit]

YOU LOOKED LIKE YOU WERE.
LOOKING AROUND WITH THAT STUPID EXPRESSION ON YOUR FACE
LIKE YOU WERE ON THE ISLAND OF LOST
SEARCHING FOR A WAY OUT
BUT THERE IS NO WAY OUT.
THERE ARE ONLY FALSE COCONUTS AND THE WHITE BUCKET MAN.

[ if she looks over, she'll see that he is TYPING FURIOUSLY, scowling even more than usual as he rambles about the Island of Lost. ]

WOW I'M AN IDIOT!
STUPID ME, THINKING I SHOULD ACTUALLY GIVE ENOUGH OF A SHIT ABOUT YOUR HORRIBLE EXISTENCE THAT I MIGHT ACTUALLY THINK
"HMMMM MAYBE I SHOULDN'T RUN HER OVER WITH THE BEAR
MAYBE I SHOULD DRAG HER ASS BACK TO THE HIVE."
IF YOU DON'T WANT MY HELP YOU CAN GET OFF THE BEAR, YOU KNOW.