Hey, mister - she's my sister
Click to viewTo catch and care for a Twonkie:
Twonkies are naturally attracted to non-chain used and new book stores, so for the greatest degree of success, try to set your trap there. If there is a friendly book store cat mascot, all the better - their charms are known to soothe and disarm the wild Twonkie. To bait your Twonkie trap, be sure to have succulent, Northwest salmon available and accompany with anise-flavored latte obtained from NOT GODDAMNED STARBUCKS . Moomin will also greatly enhance your chances of success, so it is advised to have a few copies of these comics collected into an attractively bound hardcover.
Be advised, once a Twonkie is lured into your trap, it is by no means a guarantee that it will be successfully snared. The clever creature will try to distract you by transfiguring itself into the Team Fortress 2 Scout - something that will occur as a natural defense mechanism, esp. when the Twonkie is consuming its favorite meals. Be not distracted by the Twonkie's claims that it is, 'Not even winded!' Once in range, secure the appropriate collar around its neck and promptly do away with the key.
Once the Twonkie is in your possession, appropriate care, feeding and grooming are a must. Ensure that your Twonkie has access to a perfume & kitsch bar where it may select toys, jewelry and fragrances to entertain itself. It is also highly recommended to attend local theatrical performances. The occasional trip to the aquarium will also do wonders for your Twonkie as they adore marine mammals; esp. otters. A continued diet of fresh seafood, homemade soup and a robust selection of alcohols will all contribute to overall nutrition. These along with a ready stock of Lemony Snicket literature should guarantee a long and happy partnership!