Next time you introduce yourself, say "hi, my name is (your name), but you can call me 'the Peruvian Mule'".  If they ask why, just say, "no one questions the Peruvian Mule."

You know, I bet guys in the Klan never have awkward silences.  If they go for a few seconds without speaking, one of them just has to say, "fucking Jews, am I right?"  It starts a whole new conversation.  They can talk about going to the bank, trying to get acting gigs without an agent, getting ripped off at the deli...all kinds of stuff.  If us ( Read more... )

Just sayin...

Hey guys...I have a Dell laptop.  It is blocking me from ripping DVDs to my hard drive.  Any suggestions for settings I need to change?

I'm going to open up a gay club, but only because I want to steal IHOP's slogan..."Cum hungry?  Leave happy."

If you're going to get a big lead and blow it by playing really shitty late in the game, maybe you could give me some kind of wink before I watch your game until midnight.  I know the NBA is fixed, and they can't let you sweep the team from the largest market in the playoffs in the first round, so on the night that you know you have to lose, maybe ( Read more... )

I don't know what my aversion to updating this is lately, but I'm going to try to get over it.  My life isn't that boring ( Read more... )

Hi def is not good for Paula Abdul.

First of all, I'll forget to check the ol' LJ tomorrow, so Happy Birthday Anne.  I'll listen to a B&S album just for you...just tell me which one I should go with ( Read more... )

So the best show for kids to watch is Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  First of all, They Might Be Giants do all of the music.  Secondly, its kind of the Breakfast Club for kids.  I mean, all of these different kind of outcasts come together to achieve a common goal.  Donald Duck has a severe speach impediment, Daisy is a slut, Mickey Mouse has a god- ( Read more... )