Poem: "Portmanteaparty"
This poem came out of the May 7, 2013 Poetry Fishbowl. It was inspired and sponsored by laffingkat. It also draws on Alice in Wonderland.
Warning: This is political satire. If that's not a flavor of humor you enjoy, you may want to skip it.
Portmanteaparty
"Whatever shall we do about the elections?"
Alice wondered selectively.
"The candidates are all quite mad
but nobody seems to see that!
This is all turning into a caucus-race."
"Perhaps," said the Caterpillar
in a striking tone as he lit his hookah
with a match that burned an odd green,
"we should reveal their madness in all its glory."
"But won't the candidates get suspicious?"
Alice asked him, for the Caterpillar's advice
was not always entirely advisable.
"Don't worry," said the Caterpillar.
"They will never notice."
If the earlier teaparty had been a ruckus,
this one was nothing short of a riot,
and honestly, Alice thought,
the Mad Hatter and the Dormouse
had been better company throughout.
The candidates drank copious amounts of tea
and went on and on about drug wars
while paying no attention to
the hookah-smoking Caterpillar
so long as he continued buying the drinks.
The Two of Hearts flirted her skirt at them
but in the end it was Jack
who lured one of the candidates
into the men's loo for reasons
that Alice preferred not to examine.
They mumbled about "fighting a liar" and
"the hags flung out" and some place
called "Washington, Deceit."
It was all fine because they had a "plaster man"
that would "deal a blushing crow" to the enemy.
They spoke in anecdata and factoids,
made bodacious claims
supported by colorful balloons,
exhorted a need for more
edutainment and greenwashing,
and chortled over their fundraising take.
They complained about digerati
while sexting their mistresses
and opening malware because
they lacked the knowledgebase
to recognize what it was.
"What are you still doing here, little lady?"
asked the fat one. "Shouldn't you be
in the kitchen making more biscuits?"
"Eat me," said Alice,
and then had to fend him off
with a tea tray.
"It's time!" the Caterpillar cried promptly
and the candidates went off
to their next appointment.
"I hope this works,"
Alice said wistfully.
The candidates got on the telly
and said quite mad things in public.
The voters were not amused.
Disappointed with the response,
the candidates slunk back to their teaparty
muttering, "I need a drink."
Alice concealed a Cheshire grin
as she poured for them.
While their backs were turned, the Caterpillar
took the hookah out of his mouth and dropped
another chunk of mushroom into the teapot.