Poem: "Sunday at the Disney Villains Café"
This poem is spillover from the November 5, 2013 Poetry Fishbowl, sponsored by 
elliemurasaki. It was inspired by various people's requests for atypical and unexpected families, and by this attempt to make Disney villains conventionally attractive. Well, that got me thinking how those folks would respond ...
WARNING: This poem contains some rude language and references to offstage violence. They're villains, what did you expect?
"Sunday at the Disney Villains Café"
Cruella leaned on the table,
dangling her cigarette over the ashtray.
"So I was looking for work, and
they said that in order to be a heroine,
I needed to get breast implants
and become a vegetarian."
Judge Frollo sneered.
"What did you say to that?"
"Darlings ... go fuck yourselves,"
Cruella reported. Then she turned
to shout over her shoulder.
"Waiter! Where is my steak tartare?"
"They told me to lose a hundred pounds,
get a breast reduction, grow my hair out,
and have facial reconstruction,"
said the Queen of Hearts.
She scooped another tartlet onto her plate.
"I wouldn't have looked like myself anymore."
Dr. Facilier said, "They just wanted me
to get my teeth done, but ...
I like my smile the way it is now."
"It could be worse," said Hades.
"I was supposed to get a chin job.
Instead I set the place on fire
and walked out."
Dr. Facilier laughed and slapped his knee.
"It sure helps to have friends on the Other Side!"
"Nose and chin for me," said Jafar,
"and they wanted me to straighten my hair --
all of it -- including my beard."
"They wanted me to lose two hundred pounds,
get my face done, and bleach my skin,"
Ursula said, tapping a lavender finger on her plate.
"There was a little ... accident ... with the bleach."
"I don't suppose there's any bleach left?"
asked Captain Hook. "Damn landlubbers
still won't approve my workman's comp
so I can get a prosthetic hand instead of this."
He scratched his name onto the tabletop
with the point of his hook.
"Do not speak to me about bleach,"
muttered Shan Yu. "Also they tried
to meddle with my workout regimen --
said I needed to show more muscle definition."
He flexed his meaty shoulders.
"They ceased talking after I dropped
the weight rack on them, though."
"What about you, Scar?" asked Jafar,
looking under the table.
Scar just made a happy little growl
as he continued gnawing on a joint of beef.
"They'd probably want to turn him human
or something ridiculous like that."
Ursula grunted and said,
"And they wonder why we became villains,
when they wanted us to do that to our bodies."
elliemurasaki. It was inspired by various people's requests for atypical and unexpected families, and by this attempt to make Disney villains conventionally attractive. Well, that got me thinking how those folks would respond ...
WARNING: This poem contains some rude language and references to offstage violence. They're villains, what did you expect?
"Sunday at the Disney Villains Café"
Cruella leaned on the table,
dangling her cigarette over the ashtray.
"So I was looking for work, and
they said that in order to be a heroine,
I needed to get breast implants
and become a vegetarian."
Judge Frollo sneered.
"What did you say to that?"
"Darlings ... go fuck yourselves,"
Cruella reported. Then she turned
to shout over her shoulder.
"Waiter! Where is my steak tartare?"
"They told me to lose a hundred pounds,
get a breast reduction, grow my hair out,
and have facial reconstruction,"
said the Queen of Hearts.
She scooped another tartlet onto her plate.
"I wouldn't have looked like myself anymore."
Dr. Facilier said, "They just wanted me
to get my teeth done, but ...
I like my smile the way it is now."
"It could be worse," said Hades.
"I was supposed to get a chin job.
Instead I set the place on fire
and walked out."
Dr. Facilier laughed and slapped his knee.
"It sure helps to have friends on the Other Side!"
"Nose and chin for me," said Jafar,
"and they wanted me to straighten my hair --
all of it -- including my beard."
"They wanted me to lose two hundred pounds,
get my face done, and bleach my skin,"
Ursula said, tapping a lavender finger on her plate.
"There was a little ... accident ... with the bleach."
"I don't suppose there's any bleach left?"
asked Captain Hook. "Damn landlubbers
still won't approve my workman's comp
so I can get a prosthetic hand instead of this."
He scratched his name onto the tabletop
with the point of his hook.
"Do not speak to me about bleach,"
muttered Shan Yu. "Also they tried
to meddle with my workout regimen --
said I needed to show more muscle definition."
He flexed his meaty shoulders.
"They ceased talking after I dropped
the weight rack on them, though."
"What about you, Scar?" asked Jafar,
looking under the table.
Scar just made a happy little growl
as he continued gnawing on a joint of beef.
"They'd probably want to turn him human
or something ridiculous like that."
Ursula grunted and said,
"And they wonder why we became villains,
when they wanted us to do that to our bodies."