Poem: "The Things We Tell, the Thongs We Don't"
This poem came out of the August 5, 2014 Poetry Fishbowl. It was inspired by prompts from eseme and siliconshaman. It has been sponsored by janetmiles. It also fills the "secret" square on the Birthday Bingo Fest public card. This poem belongs to the series Monster House.
The Things We Tell, the Thongs We Don't
After my daughter's thirteenth birthday party,
I take her aside to talk about secrets.
She's always been good about discretion,
because there are things it isn't safe
to mention to just anybody --
but girlfriends grow their friendships
in the telling and keeping of secrets,
so it's not good to stifle that either.
The bogeyman leans in the doorway,
picking pink confetti out of his hair.
He is skilled at keeping everyone safe, and
for all his savage grace, a soft touch at heart.
So my daughter and I talk about secrets,
which ones are fair to share and which are not,
and how to tell the difference between them.
"Think of magic like a thong," I explain,
knowing that she's excited over
getting to wear more-grownup underwear.
"It's okay to have and to use, but
not everyone needs to hear about that.
Anyone who's never going to see it
doesn't need to know about it."
She giggles. "I wish I had more things
that would be safe to talk about," she says.
"I want to make some secrets that
are a little weird but okay to share."
"What about taking up an outrageous hobby?"
I suggest. "If you tell your friends and they laugh,
then you'll know they aren't great friends,
but it won't really hurt anyone."
"Sounds like fun," she says.
So we spend her birthday evening
browsing the internet for unusual pastimes.
She declares mooing and milk bottle collecting
to be boring, and I can't blame her.
I declare faking your death and extreme ironing
to be unreasonably risky, and she agrees.
I describe competitive dog grooming
and tape art and soap carving.
She laughs, but wants something
less visual and more tactile.
"Hikaru dorodango," I read,
"also known as polishing dirt."
"WHAT?" my daughter says,
laughing so hard she tips over.
"You make these mud balls, dry them,
smooth them, and they turn into
shiny balls like paperweights," I explain.
She loves to play with her mother's paperweights.
So she takes up dirt polishing as a hobby,
and some of her friends laugh,
but some of them think it's pretty cool.
When we go on vacation, we pick up dirt,
and she makes balls of red and yellow and black.
She tells her friends about those
instead of the bogeyman and the troll and
the monsters under-the-bed and in-the-closet.
There are ways to make connections
without putting anyone at risk, because lives,
like these little balls of mud, are so very fragile.
* * *
Notes:
Discretion is an important virtue to develop as part of character. Think about whether to keep or reveal a secret before deciding. Know how to tell a secret or keep a secret.
Thirteen is a common age when parents start letting girls do more mature things. Wearing makeup is one example. Wearing sexy underwear such as thongs is another.
Hikaru dorodango is one of the strangest hobbies, very popular in Japan. Some instructions use straight mud and dirt, while others include other ingredients such as sand. This sounds like a terrific hobby for anyone who is touch-dominant, for some folks who are working on tactile issues, and for people wishing to practice patience or gentleness.
The Things We Tell, the Thongs We Don't
After my daughter's thirteenth birthday party,
I take her aside to talk about secrets.
She's always been good about discretion,
because there are things it isn't safe
to mention to just anybody --
but girlfriends grow their friendships
in the telling and keeping of secrets,
so it's not good to stifle that either.
The bogeyman leans in the doorway,
picking pink confetti out of his hair.
He is skilled at keeping everyone safe, and
for all his savage grace, a soft touch at heart.
So my daughter and I talk about secrets,
which ones are fair to share and which are not,
and how to tell the difference between them.
"Think of magic like a thong," I explain,
knowing that she's excited over
getting to wear more-grownup underwear.
"It's okay to have and to use, but
not everyone needs to hear about that.
Anyone who's never going to see it
doesn't need to know about it."
She giggles. "I wish I had more things
that would be safe to talk about," she says.
"I want to make some secrets that
are a little weird but okay to share."
"What about taking up an outrageous hobby?"
I suggest. "If you tell your friends and they laugh,
then you'll know they aren't great friends,
but it won't really hurt anyone."
"Sounds like fun," she says.
So we spend her birthday evening
browsing the internet for unusual pastimes.
She declares mooing and milk bottle collecting
to be boring, and I can't blame her.
I declare faking your death and extreme ironing
to be unreasonably risky, and she agrees.
I describe competitive dog grooming
and tape art and soap carving.
She laughs, but wants something
less visual and more tactile.
"Hikaru dorodango," I read,
"also known as polishing dirt."
"WHAT?" my daughter says,
laughing so hard she tips over.
"You make these mud balls, dry them,
smooth them, and they turn into
shiny balls like paperweights," I explain.
She loves to play with her mother's paperweights.
So she takes up dirt polishing as a hobby,
and some of her friends laugh,
but some of them think it's pretty cool.
When we go on vacation, we pick up dirt,
and she makes balls of red and yellow and black.
She tells her friends about those
instead of the bogeyman and the troll and
the monsters under-the-bed and in-the-closet.
There are ways to make connections
without putting anyone at risk, because lives,
like these little balls of mud, are so very fragile.
* * *
Notes:
Discretion is an important virtue to develop as part of character. Think about whether to keep or reveal a secret before deciding. Know how to tell a secret or keep a secret.
Thirteen is a common age when parents start letting girls do more mature things. Wearing makeup is one example. Wearing sexy underwear such as thongs is another.
Hikaru dorodango is one of the strangest hobbies, very popular in Japan. Some instructions use straight mud and dirt, while others include other ingredients such as sand. This sounds like a terrific hobby for anyone who is touch-dominant, for some folks who are working on tactile issues, and for people wishing to practice patience or gentleness.