Since my original diary is still at our previous base of operations (read: my house) I have decided to start a new one. How can I explain the events of the last twenty-four hours? Between the kidnapping and torture of R. Mayer (hereby titled Biting Tiger), Gazelle's unearthly evolution into Alligator and the sudden appearance of a cloud above my head that keeps raining on me, I am quite certain that I have been dreaming the last few days
( ... )
As large as this house is, it is not large enough! I've taken to hiding in Father's room. I could just hide in one of his boxes, but... well. I don't deserve that kind of protection or peace.
I suppose I might as well mention the other event of yesterday. Brother turned up. The fool still believed I was the ringleader. I lost control a little. I think I even shocked Gazelle. That time is preying on my mind.
My body is aching and it appears my healing ability is gone. This cloud seems to respond to my thoughts. If this is the Core's idea of a joke, I'm going to kill it, radiation or no!
Being here brings back memories. I let my anger cloud my judgement. I need to think.
4:30 PM- ICE CREAM! ALWAYS ICE CREAM! GODDAMMIT! FUGITIVES DON'T GO GET ICE CREAM!
4:35 PM - Gazelle is being a prick.
4:40 PM - Is it so hard to conceptualise the factor of ice cream is not getting arrrested over?!
4:50 PM - Octopus better bring back ice cream.
8:04 PM - I'm in a box. I gave in. I need the peace.
Gazelle will have to find which box I'm in if he wants me.
11:32 PM - Perhaps going outside to get peace wasn't a good idea. Especially since I was already bleeding. I am never telling anyone about this. Ever. At least it's mostly superficial. That would be embarassing.
I should not have let him know my location, but he is unaware of what we did. I made sure of it. Inexplicably, he appears to be changing into various cat-related forms. This week is becoming very strange.
I keep thinking about things. About home. About Father. About Shadow Moses and FOXHOUND. About things I've done wrong. There is no way to fix or change the past. So why do I keep thinking about it? Why do I keep thinking about him? I think tomorrow I will try to vent on the monsters a little. It might help me work things out. I haven't had a decent fight for days.
For now, I'm going to sleep. On the floor, not the bed. That wouldn't be right.
Rereading that line, I feel embarassed. I was rescued by a civilian. And one of Tiger's allies, no less. But she has a point. Oh, not the "make up for things" part. But I need to stop losing control. Ever since Ocelot and Father disappeared, I've become more unstable. Being here only cements that fact. I need to keep the others safe. Shark, Gazelle, Swan. And if they come back, the others too.
I've been thinking over it a lot. Father claimed I needed to loosen up, and that I was trustworthy. I betrayed that trust when I attacked Re-L Mayer for Kadaj. But I cannot allow myself to dwell on this. Either I keep us safe and hidden as long as possible, I turn myself in, or I find some way to make amends. Perhaps I can draw their fire. I will not be imprisoned. I refuse. I will die first.
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I suppose I might as well mention the other event of yesterday. Brother turned up. The fool still believed I was the ringleader. I lost control a little. I think I even shocked Gazelle. That time is preying on my mind.
My body is aching and it appears my healing ability is gone. This cloud seems to respond to my thoughts. If this is the Core's idea of a joke, I'm going to kill it, radiation or no!
Being here brings back memories. I let my anger cloud my judgement. I need to think.
4:30 PM- ICE CREAM! ALWAYS ICE CREAM! GODDAMMIT! FUGITIVES DON'T GO GET ICE CREAM!
4:35 PM - Gazelle is being a prick.
4:40 PM - Is it so hard to conceptualise the factor of ice cream is not getting arrrested over?!
4:50 PM - Octopus better bring back ice cream.
8:04 PM - I'm in a box. I gave in. I need the peace.
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I am not coming out of the box.
Gazelle will have to find which box I'm in if he wants me.
11:32 PM - Perhaps going outside to get peace wasn't a good idea. Especially since I was already bleeding. I am never telling anyone about this. Ever. At least it's mostly superficial. That would be embarassing.
Reply
I should not have let him know my location, but he is unaware of what we did. I made sure of it. Inexplicably, he appears to be changing into various cat-related forms. This week is becoming very strange.
I keep thinking about things. About home. About Father. About Shadow Moses and FOXHOUND. About things I've done wrong. There is no way to fix or change the past. So why do I keep thinking about it? Why do I keep thinking about him? I think tomorrow I will try to vent on the monsters a little. It might help me work things out. I haven't had a decent fight for days.
For now, I'm going to sleep. On the floor, not the bed. That wouldn't be right.
Reply
I met Dove, at least. She saved my life.
Rereading that line, I feel embarassed. I was rescued by a civilian. And one of Tiger's allies, no less. But she has a point. Oh, not the "make up for things" part. But I need to stop losing control. Ever since Ocelot and Father disappeared, I've become more unstable. Being here only cements that fact. I need to keep the others safe. Shark, Gazelle, Swan. And if they come back, the others too.
I've been thinking over it a lot. Father claimed I needed to loosen up, and that I was trustworthy. I betrayed that trust when I attacked Re-L Mayer for Kadaj. But I cannot allow myself to dwell on this. Either I keep us safe and hidden as long as possible, I turn myself in, or I find some way to make amends. Perhaps I can draw their fire. I will not be imprisoned. I refuse. I will die first.
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