the genius
Title: The genius
Author: yours truly
Pairing: ryoda
Rating: PG-13
Genre: comedy, crack
Summary: One perfectly normal night, very tired Ryo finds a very special flashlight. Or should I say: he meets some very special people thanks to a rather normal-looking flashlight. Actually no, he doesn't meet 'people' at all thanks to a flashlight. Although, in a meaning, he maybe somehow does meet a person because of it. Unless, of course, he was just drunk. Feeling lost? Good. Now please go and read the real thing!
It was late night in Tokyo and Nishikido Ryo has just finished work, tired and pissed. He was pissed almost as often as he was tired, so it wasn't an unusual set at all, but somehow that day everybody seemed more conscious of it. All his band mates had left the dressing room, taking their sweaty shirts and gossips outside.
He didn't mind being alone. Deep inside he was even a little bit thankful, a feeling that would level up to very thankful once he calmed down and had a good sleep he deserved.
However, that wasn't going to happen too soon. All because of a certain flashlight...
It was a classic one, shiny and apparently new.
"Why is it here?" he thought collecting the item from the floor in front of a chair where he first spotted it. It seemed someone simply forgot it. But who would bring a flashlight to a dressing room in the first place? Those rooms were closed at night so no janitor was doing any inspections there.
There was a spot on the flashlight's side. Without much thinking, Ryo rubbed it with his hand. It didn't disappear, but instead smoke started coming out of it.
"Ahhh! A bomb! Help, we're being sabotaged!" he cried out loud dropping the thing to the cloud of thick smoke it already managed to produce. He was about to run out from the room to call security when he heard a voice.
"Please calm down, there's no dynamite in my flashlight. The smoke is just an old custom boss wants us to stick with for some reason."
Ryo blinked. He was sure he was alone in that room. Was he hallucinating? Slowly, very slowly he turned around hoping there would be no one in there and, if he was lucky, no explosive flashlights covered in smoke too.
Well. There was no smoke.
However, the flashlight was still there, lying on the floor as if nothing ever happened, and right next to it stood...
"Akanishi?... What the hell is that?! Are you trying to kill me?! If you needed a shoulder to cry on for that pathetic costume they made you wear; it's fine, but don't you hop out of nowhere like that, man!"
Indeed Jin's outfit looked weird even for Johnny’s standards. However, Ryo had to admit, many fangirls would love to see Akanishi in those broad, loose, red, satin pants decorated with chains of golden coins, and with just a brocade tucker as a top. The scarlet turban however was truly ridiculous and... and the pointy shoes were a reason enough to kill the stylist even if all the other sins got forgiven and forgotten.
The man looked a bit troubled and answered with a strange accent, although still with Jin's voice.
"I am sorry, dear client. These are my working clothes, so I always appear in them. I have carefully chosen a place where my coming out of the flashlight looking like that wouldn't raise commotion. Still, I can immediately change into something more appropriate. That is, if you wish so, dear client."
"Akanishi, is that a joke?" If it was, Ryo certainly didn't like it. He wanted to go home and sleep. "Fine then, just take those things off."
He was about to finish with ...and you can give me a ride home but the words died in his throat as he saw Jin's clothes morphing before his own eyes. The material has changed, the colours, the fashion, in mere seconds everything has become a copy of what Ryo was wearing himself, altered only as much as necessary not to attract attention to two identically dressed guys.
"Your wish has been heard, dear client" Jin said with a dead-pan face.
Ryo panicked. But soon calmed down and started to laugh.
"That!" he spat out between the attacks of laughter "That's recording, isn't it? You're setting me up, ain't you?"
Soon he was running around the room checking out every corner.
"Look, guys, I've seen it through, you can come out! I know this one over here is a hologram and Jin's only talking to me from another room! Come out, recording is over!"
To Ryo's greatest despair, no one came out of anywhere. There seemed to be neither hidden cameras nor voice transmitters in that poor little dressing room as well. Ryo pointed his finger to the now normal and everyday-ish Akanishi and said.
"I know you are not real."
"I most certainly am real at the moment" the mirage answered. "Do you wish to touch me to have a final proof?"
"Oh, I wish to knock you down onto the floor!" Ryo exclaimed and immediately put his words into action. Surprisingly, it was much easier to do than usually, as if Jin simply let him do what he wanted showing no sings of protest. On the other hand, Ryo felt the other body being there without a doubt. He felt Akanishi's arms closing around his waist to make sure Ryo wouldn't receive any of the impact when they hit the floor.
It was embarrassing and weird.
"Well then, dear client" Akanishi said and although Ryo couldn't see it he would bet the expression on the other's face was a Cheshirian smile. "Do you wish to continue?.."
"No way in Hell!" Ryo yelled, broke out of Akanishi's arms and moved back by two meters."
"Too bad" Jin sighed. "I thought at least your last wish would be something more... exciting."
"Last wish?" finally Ryo started realizing there was something wrong not only with the way Jin's clothes changed themselves into something totally different from what they were. There was something strongly out of order with what he was saying as well.
"Yes, your final wish" Akanishi sighed as if he was dealing with a little kid. "You released a genie from a lamp, so you get your three wishes made true by him. In this case, by me."
"A lamp?" Ryo gestured dubiously towards the flashlight.
"You're being petty" Akanishi (was he really?) rolled his eyes. "The world is evolving, I need something to move in easily and this particular flashlight happens to be very comfy inside. Came with a great DVD set."
Ryo nodded. He couldn't bring himself up to do anything more.
"And my name isn't Akanishi or anything of the sort" the man was still nagging. "I am the Great Genius Genie Jinnie. Understood?"
Ryo nodded again. By now he didn't care for names. He just wanted that weird dream to end. The only thing he wished for was to wake up in his own bed, call Akanishi and ban him from appearing in any of his dreams anymore. Period.
"So, what's your final wish?"
That was the time Nishikido blinked and something clicked.
"Wait..." he drew near the so called 'genie' again "you said I had three wishes, right?"
"Yes" Jin or Jinnie or whoever he was nodded and smiled professionally. "Your first wish was for me to change my clothes and the second to knock me down. The second one hurt a bit, but the client is king as they say, and I fulfilled both your wishes perfectly, haven't I? What is the final one, dear client?"
Ryo stood up and, apparently forgetting that if he admitted the fact he's talking to a genie, he also had to admit he was talking to a very powerful magical entity, he started yelling.
"That's unfair! I didn't know anything about you being a jinn! I should be informed about my rights, the consequences, I don't know but there should be some rules!"
"Yes" Jin nodded "there are and we obeyed them all."
"I can't accept that! I want to talk to your boss! You have a boss, don't you? You said you had one!"
"That's a bad idea!" this time it was the genie who looked uncomfortable. He was glancing all around the room as if he wanted to secure a way out of it. "You don't know what you're talking about, dear client! You... you definitely do not want to speak with..."
Ryo's eyes narrowed.
"I wish to meet him right now."
His wish had to be fulfilled.
***
At first Ryo didn't know where he was.
Alright, there was no one to fool about it: he had not the slightest clue as of where he was. He was going to meet a genie's supervisor and surely his office wouldn't be located in some nice skyscraper in the middle of Roppongi.
Or was it?
When Ryo approached a giant, star-shaped window, he could see he was inside a skyscraper after all. He could see the lights of some sort of city. He wouldn't bet it was Tokyo, but he also had no reason to believe it wasn't. For all he knew, it could be mostly anywhere in the world. Or out of it.
He was waiting in a hall, a kitschy to the point of offence hall with much more colours put together than a human eye could bear seeing at once. What's more, some of the colourful elements of furniture, decorations, and whatever, were in constant move.
Say, that giant, minutely carved, heavily overpainted, gold encrusted hourglass on his left. There was no sand inside it that would be falling down gently; there were colourful pieces of... liquid something. Those pieces were traveling up and down with no order whatsoever, and the whole thing apparently served as a lamp, as it was slightly glowing.
The sofa on which Ryo was encouraged to sit but reverted from doing so, was a a kind of water bed. Ryo had no problem with water beds in general, but he didn't like the fact this one was a see-through and there were fish inside. Some of them pretty big and, well, teeth-y.
There were also pictures on the walls. And carvings. And tapestries with moving figures. And millions of other things he had no time to register and name before he was called from behind a heavy purplish red curtain with a golden rope. Apparently, the door to the boss' office.
Ryo cautiously put his head under the curtain. There was no sight of the person who called him in there, but seeing it was seemingly secure, and much less flashy than the hall, he proceeded down the corridor he found there.
Actually it was more of a tunnel under a heavy load of satin, chiffon, silk and once again chiffon strips. At first it was purple, but as he walked down the tunnel, the shade started to change through violet to finally open in a navy blue chamber decorated with innumerable golden stars, moons and coins hanging from the ceiling and walls. In the centre, there was a pallet made of embroidered cushions.
Upon them lied a man.
No, Ryo corrected his thoughts.
Upon them lied a phenomenon.
It had male body, which was very easy to prove even in the dim light of the chamber, as he wore nothing but blue chiffon strips, and little of them in fact. Ryo had to get a grip of himself to stop gaping at that man's nipples, and even more not to take a look downwards, out of sheer curiosity. After all he had no experience with magical beings. They could have been sexless, or versatile, or...
"I am not" the phenomenon informed him kindly in a whispery voice Ryo was sure he knew very well. He felt like he heard that voice many times.
As the Genie Boss moved forward on his cushions, Ryo finally found out where he had heard that sexy voice before.
In his own wet dreams mostly.
And sometimes at work.
The man in front of him was no other than Ueda Tatsuya.
Or rather, a perfect replica of Ueda Tatsuya, just like the genie from a flashlight was a replica of Jin.
"Am I dreaming?.." he accidentally spoke. "This can't be real..."
Almost naked and sexy like never before, Ueda look-a-like in front of him smiled lightly.
"It isn't exactly real" he whispered again "but you are not dreaming either. Please sit down. I was told you wanted to meet me. Were you unsatisfied with my genie's service?"
"I... just... he..." Ryo's mouth was moving like that of a fish, with no sound coming out. In that atmosphere, with that man in front of him, it was so hard to demand anything. It was practically impossible.
"I will help you a bit" the genie boss proposed and moved yet a little closer to the edge of his pallet, sitting cross-legged on it. When he did so, Ryo realized all the fabric that made up the chamber moved together with him. Was possibly ALL of that his robe? Would it mean they were still in the same Hall, all the time, this man draped in his own clothes like in a cocoon?
"You have met one of my employees earlier tonight" before Ryo could drown in wonder, the boss spoke again. "As your final wish you demanded to see me. I believe it's not because you're a magical realm tourist."
The phrase 'final wish' triggered the right spot in Nishikido's brain at last and the figure of Jin-like jinn appeared in his mind, helping him to break out of the stupor mixed with dirty visions of himself, Ueda and a truck-worth of cushions.
"Right!" he answered as soon as cold reason was brought back to him. "Your employee has fooled me! He made me use my two wishes before he told me who he was. He asked me if I wished for something and I was simply answering what I felt at that moment, because I had no idea of the consequences. That's unfair! What if I wished for a nuclear war?!"
"Oh, we've taken precautions. The wishes of this kind are illegal" Ueda... no, the genie boss laughed lightly as if he heard a good joke. He then moved forward again, now staying only inches from Ryo's face, and gave him a half-serious look.
"Listen carefully, little human boy. The ancient rule only says that a genie let out of his nest is supposed to make three wishes of the human who let him out come true. There are several rules to it, among them one that you can't take the wishes back or exchange them for anything else. There is also a small list of wishes that won't be fulfilled; we created it over centuries learning from experience. And that is all there is to it. It is not a part for our business to wonder if the wish was well thought-off, or if the wisher knew what he was doing at all. You say your wish, the genie checks out if it's legal and if it is - it comes true. If you wasted your wishes, it's your problem only."
Ryo was speechless for a long moment. Partially because of what he just heard, and partially because of the high proximity of the boss' face to his own.
"But... shouldn't the genie introduce himself first? Isn't that a rule too?"
"No really" the beautiful man moved back and laughed silently once again "it's just a courtesy to a client. I'd have to deal with thousands of people like you daily if not for that. Besides, even if Jinnie told you who he was at once, would you believe him?"
"I probably would not" Ryo admitted, finding the carpet a very interesting view for a long moment. Then suddenly, something occurred to him.
"But I would only use one wish to prove it! One, not two!" he said loudly, excited about the newly found argument for his point of view. He looked up again and realized that the Genie boss was thinking deeply about something.
His face was absolutely beautiful when he was so taken up in his own thoughts. He really looked exactly like Ueda. Especially exhausted, sleepy Ueda, not cautious enough to cover emotions running through his mind. Ryo haven't seen him like that since KAT-TUN's debut but he could bet it didn't change much.
He was totally bewitched when he heard the man speaking again, and had to very quickly convince himself the person he's looking at is not Ueda after all. Otherwise he'd probably jump him on the spot.
"You've amused me" the boss said. "And your reasoning is good. I want everybody to know that my company consists of professionals, but I also care for mutual understanding and some..." he stopped for a moment, looking for a right expression "...some heart between us and the clients. Therefore, I will give you the wish you say you wouldn't use if Jinnie introduced himself properly. From now on you still have Jinnie for one more wish. Please, be considerate this time."
Ryo, surprising even himself, mumbled some words of gratitude and left the chamber the same way he entered it.
There was only one way in the tunnel. To or from the chamber. Still, when he came out from behind the purple curtain, instead of the Hall in a skyscraper, he was standing on a lively street in Roppongi. The Great Genius Genie Jinnie right next to him.
***
With the cold night breeze Ryo's senses came back to him and he realized that he gained nothing by seeing the genie's boss. Literally nothing. He was back to Tokyo (considering he left it at any point), only out of the JE building and he still had only one wish left. If anything was different, it was that his bag was nowhere to be seen, probably still in that very dressing room he found the flashlight in. Which meant, too far to bother going back and getting it.
Jinnie was playing with his flashlight, but as soon as he realized Ryo standing next to him he stopped, as if he remembered something important.
"Oh, right" he said. "You really are hard to deal with. And I'm positive one time is as much as you can leave the boss' office unharmed. So, in case you were to cause any more uproar, I brought you this."
He handed Ryo a giant, ancient-looking book. It was so heavy that simply holding it for a few seconds hurt. Nishikido sent a hateful glance towards his genie.
"What is it?" he asked, although he wasn't all that curious. He simply wanted to get rid of it as fast as possible.
"A code. Or, more accurately, The Code. It is where all the rules of wish-making and fulfilling is written down. At least skim through it before you complain again that I didn't tell you something."
Although Jinnie didn't say anything straight into his face, Ryo could see he felt offended with what happened before. So, knowing that this moody being is going to be the one making his wish come true, he chose to look at the book and see for himself what the rules were. After all the genie boss stated that there were only several. The big book must have been just for show.
Rule 1:
An emplyee, from now on called 'a genie' will make three first wishes of the one who let him out, from now on called 'a client', come true.
Appendix 1 to Rule 1...
Ryo was getting tired of reading it as soon as he started doing so. He thought of calling Shige and asking him to read it, as the kid was much more accustomed to such things, but just before he reached to his pocket for a cell phone, his eyes landed on another rule, that was banning him from showing the code to 'any uninvolved parties'.
So much for having anybody slave for him in that matter.
As for this set of rules fitting the word 'several', it was probably the euphemism of the century. Ryo sighed and turned a few pages.
After two hours of reading, learning, among other things, that no genie will take any responsibility for a peacock sent to the Moon by accidental slip of his tongue, and still getting through probably only a half of the first Chapter (The Main Rules), Ryo felt he's had enough. His hands were dying from holding the book, the genie next to him looked more and more devilish with each passing second, and Ryo was close to a rather sad realization that all wishes he could think of were probably included on The List of Banned Wishes. Or if not, they would probably cause him harm and the genie wouldn't care.
He closed the book and started to think.
What could he wish for that would be legal for genie law and wouldn't bring him before Japanese court too? If he asked for too much money, there would be the problem of taxes (that genie wouldn't cover up for) and, more importantly, explaining where did he get it from (that genie wouldn't help him to prove at all). He didn't want more fame that he had, he could earn his regular spendings quite well... he didn't have an ambition of taking over JE too. Nor becoming a politician.
"This wish is illegal" Jinn nicely explained, helping Ryo to realize that he was speaking out loud.
It somehow made him angry. He threw the book on the pavement with great force. However, before it hit the ground and produced the noise Ryo's inner child was anticipating, it disappeared. Very disappointing.
"So what can I really wish for?! A cereal bar?!" he shouted into Jinnie's face, feeling the anger building up inside.
"It certainly isn't illegal" Jinnie answered, his composure not moved one bit.
Ryo found himself being furious.
"How about..." he was to throw in something random and most likely stupid in that sentence, but then one certain figure appeared in his mind. It was a silhouette of a male wearing blue chiffon.
"How about a night with your boss?" he finished slowly, an evil smile appearing in the corner of his mouth.
Now the genie was startled.
"You mean... having sex with HIM?"
"Yes, that's exactly what I mean. Your boss, my bed, and a copy of National Geographic. Or Cosmo."
Jinnie was looking at him as if Ryo just swallowed a bug and demanded a second helping. Ryo's evil smile grew bigger.
"ARE YOU NUTS?!" Jinnie asked in a not-very-polite manner.
"No" Ryo answered as his smile was getting bigger and bigger. "He looks exactly like a person I have a big crush on."
Jinnie snorted.
"No, he doesn’t'! He might be a boss for genies, but he himself is a demon! He doesn't look like anything, you look at him and you see what you want to see. I, for example, always see him as a giant beast (save for that one time when I saw him as an ice-cream sundae, but that's not the point). He's dangerous! Do you understand?!"
"I don't mind if it's fake" Ryo shrugged. "I want to have sex with him, and that's final. Illegal wish?"
The Genius Genie Jinnie hit his forehead with an open palm.
"Listen, boy" he almost cried then. "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but since you resemble my good friend I..."
"I resemble YOUR friend?!"
"Don't cut in!" The genie hissed, and looked around cautiously. "Now where were we... ah, right, the demon. He's paying genies to fulfill wishes that aren't paid for by anyone. How do you think this whole genie business is profitable for him?"
"Advertisements?" Ryo answered before he thought of anything else but one short glance from Jinnie was enough to ensure him it was a bad guess.
"Is it... charity? To humankind?" he risked another answer, although his instincts were telling him he's missing the point miserably.
For a moment Jinnie was speechless. His eyes got rather big and round too.
"You make me think of retiring early" he whispered before getting back to what really mattered. "My boss likes shiny things. Golden stars, moons, and coins, exotic fish, shiny hourglasses and such. He happens to like them especially when they're made of human souls. I am impressed that he let you go once, but he definitely won't if you give him another chance. So please, reconsider and finally GET the oh-so-complicated idea of spending that Cosmopolitan night with your human crush in his very person!"
If Nishikido was to be fair with himself, he had to admit he did think of that possibility. But the truth was he found himself caring for Ueda's feelings much more than he initially thought he would. The possibility of forcing unwilling Ueda into a one night stand with him sounded very unethical to him.
"You should learn to think without speaking your thoughts" Jinnie kindly advised. "We can make him love you. It's not illegal. Of course it'll take some time for his mind to accept it, but you can make some moves meanwhile. Like, wake up in his bed tomorrow."
This was unethical too, even if less than the previous option.
However, Nishikido Ryo didn't remember being an angel at any point of his life.
"Deal".
"Not deal. Say: I wish."
***
What a weird dream... Ryo mumbled to himself turning from one side to another in his bed.
"What kind of dream it was?" he heard a whispering voice very close to his ear. Did his sister randomly visit him in Tokyo like she already did once before? Even if she did, he wasn't going to tell her his dreams as if he was five years old. Especially when the dreams were about genies, magic, and Jin's pointy shoes... and in the end he wished to wake up in..."
Before he finished the sentence in his head the realization struck him, he sat up and did a very quick, very nervous look around.
His eyes finally landed on a person who was sitting on the edge of the bed that definitely, surely wasn't his. That person was Ueda Tatsuya. Who smiled politely at him.
"Jin carried you here in the middle of the night. Apparently you were drinking until you passed out and my place was the closest. He didn't want you to get caught by paparazzi."
Ryo relaxed, partially due to a sudden realization that he still had most of his clothes on. Not that he wouldn't like it being otherwise, but then it would be rather hard to explain things to Ueda, and... himself, too.
"I like you" he heard himself blurting out as if he was insane. "Please go out with me?"
Ueda didn't answer. Instead he tilted his head to a side in a way people do when they're clueless about whatever this cruel world embodied in the person in front of them expects them to do.
Oh right. The spell wasn't supposed to work that fast. Ueda still had a right not to know that he was going to love Ryo very deeply.
"You mean it?"
What, did he know already, after all?
Ryo got out of the bed and collected his shirt. Mainly in order to have something to crumple in his hands while he was waiting for a more solid answer from Ueda.
"You know..." Ueda started, albeit it seemed he wasn't exactly sure if what he was saying made any sense. "I always thought that tension between us was a little... maybe I should say, special, in a way..."
Ryo froze for a moment. The shirt went back to the floor.
"Wait... Then it's nothing new in your mind?! Nothing that just... appearing in your thoughts during last eight hours? You ALWAYS thought it was possible?!"
"Well, sorry that I didn't bring it up to you" Ueda shrugged, looking away from him. "I didn't think you'd be interested."
"No, it's not that, I know, I mean, I never said anything myself and I never really believed it could work out but..." Ryo fell into a compulsive speech that couldn't be stopped for a while. Until he reached the ultimate point of realization.
"I've wasted the last wish!" he cried and fell on Ueda's bed again. "That damned, damned, damned genie!"
"Who?" Ueda laughed out loud, but Ryo was still busy shouting and beating up Ueda's pillow.
"A genie! If you can have your fairies, I can have my genies!"
"Nishikido, I admitted to making up the fairies. Publicly. On TV."
"I don't care! I had one wish and I used it to have your feelings while I should have simply asked you out!"
Ueda stiffed. He then very slowly got on the bed, positioned himself above Ryo so that the other had very limited space to move, and gave him a very serious look.
"You wanted to manipulate my feelings?..." he asked coldly.
Ryo swallowed. Suddenly his wasted wish paled in comparison to an angry boxer's fist in such a close proximity to his nose.
"A second ago you didn’t' believe in genies..."
"And I still don't. But if I am to have some weird cultists tailing me because you thought you made a wish upon a star..."
"...a genie."
Pissed-off was one of the sexiest faces of Ueda that Ryo knew, and probably the only one he knew the best in the world. It was giving him an impression of intimacy.
"No one weird is gonna follow you, he looked exactly like Akanishi."
He was trying to focus on the genie business but it was a hard task, hard literally. Still, even if Ryo might have been horny like hell for that man above him, he was never a rapist. If it wasn't to change very soon, he had to somehow get Ueda off of himself in an instant.
"Look... I probably had a weird dream. You said I was here most of the night? Drunk? I don't remember drinking. Akanishi brought me?"
Ryo himself most certainly did not believe it was a dream. He thought so when he was waking up but not after he regained full consciousness and all that happened the previous night became clear to him again. However, if it was to prevent injuries (nobody said the rape attempted on Ueda of all people would be successful), maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to pretend for a while.
Ueda moved back and let him get out of the bed again, so apparently the dream story wasn't a total failure. Ryo took a few deep breaths, sat on the bed and finally put on his shirt. A minute later he was next to Ueda's bedroom door. He had to hurry not to be late to work. He still had to get a fresh change of clothes too.
"Anyway... think about us. Please."
With these words he left Ueda's room and soon his apartment too. Only when he was out of the building he remembered that he didn't even say thank you to Ueda for sheltering him that night. Oh well, he would blackmail Jin later for Ueda's cell number and send a nice message. Yes, an extremely nice one.
Back in the bedroom, Tatsuya was still sitting on his bed, unable to move. Finally, he looked at the creased pillow Ryo was about to kill a moment before.
"I made up the fairies story. For a reason" he said to no one in particular. And smiled.
He was going to give Ryo's offer a very serious thought.
Author: yours truly
Pairing: ryoda
Rating: PG-13
Genre: comedy, crack
Summary: One perfectly normal night, very tired Ryo finds a very special flashlight. Or should I say: he meets some very special people thanks to a rather normal-looking flashlight. Actually no, he doesn't meet 'people' at all thanks to a flashlight. Although, in a meaning, he maybe somehow does meet a person because of it. Unless, of course, he was just drunk. Feeling lost? Good. Now please go and read the real thing!
It was late night in Tokyo and Nishikido Ryo has just finished work, tired and pissed. He was pissed almost as often as he was tired, so it wasn't an unusual set at all, but somehow that day everybody seemed more conscious of it. All his band mates had left the dressing room, taking their sweaty shirts and gossips outside.
He didn't mind being alone. Deep inside he was even a little bit thankful, a feeling that would level up to very thankful once he calmed down and had a good sleep he deserved.
However, that wasn't going to happen too soon. All because of a certain flashlight...
It was a classic one, shiny and apparently new.
"Why is it here?" he thought collecting the item from the floor in front of a chair where he first spotted it. It seemed someone simply forgot it. But who would bring a flashlight to a dressing room in the first place? Those rooms were closed at night so no janitor was doing any inspections there.
There was a spot on the flashlight's side. Without much thinking, Ryo rubbed it with his hand. It didn't disappear, but instead smoke started coming out of it.
"Ahhh! A bomb! Help, we're being sabotaged!" he cried out loud dropping the thing to the cloud of thick smoke it already managed to produce. He was about to run out from the room to call security when he heard a voice.
"Please calm down, there's no dynamite in my flashlight. The smoke is just an old custom boss wants us to stick with for some reason."
Ryo blinked. He was sure he was alone in that room. Was he hallucinating? Slowly, very slowly he turned around hoping there would be no one in there and, if he was lucky, no explosive flashlights covered in smoke too.
Well. There was no smoke.
However, the flashlight was still there, lying on the floor as if nothing ever happened, and right next to it stood...
"Akanishi?... What the hell is that?! Are you trying to kill me?! If you needed a shoulder to cry on for that pathetic costume they made you wear; it's fine, but don't you hop out of nowhere like that, man!"
Indeed Jin's outfit looked weird even for Johnny’s standards. However, Ryo had to admit, many fangirls would love to see Akanishi in those broad, loose, red, satin pants decorated with chains of golden coins, and with just a brocade tucker as a top. The scarlet turban however was truly ridiculous and... and the pointy shoes were a reason enough to kill the stylist even if all the other sins got forgiven and forgotten.
The man looked a bit troubled and answered with a strange accent, although still with Jin's voice.
"I am sorry, dear client. These are my working clothes, so I always appear in them. I have carefully chosen a place where my coming out of the flashlight looking like that wouldn't raise commotion. Still, I can immediately change into something more appropriate. That is, if you wish so, dear client."
"Akanishi, is that a joke?" If it was, Ryo certainly didn't like it. He wanted to go home and sleep. "Fine then, just take those things off."
He was about to finish with ...and you can give me a ride home but the words died in his throat as he saw Jin's clothes morphing before his own eyes. The material has changed, the colours, the fashion, in mere seconds everything has become a copy of what Ryo was wearing himself, altered only as much as necessary not to attract attention to two identically dressed guys.
"Your wish has been heard, dear client" Jin said with a dead-pan face.
Ryo panicked. But soon calmed down and started to laugh.
"That!" he spat out between the attacks of laughter "That's recording, isn't it? You're setting me up, ain't you?"
Soon he was running around the room checking out every corner.
"Look, guys, I've seen it through, you can come out! I know this one over here is a hologram and Jin's only talking to me from another room! Come out, recording is over!"
To Ryo's greatest despair, no one came out of anywhere. There seemed to be neither hidden cameras nor voice transmitters in that poor little dressing room as well. Ryo pointed his finger to the now normal and everyday-ish Akanishi and said.
"I know you are not real."
"I most certainly am real at the moment" the mirage answered. "Do you wish to touch me to have a final proof?"
"Oh, I wish to knock you down onto the floor!" Ryo exclaimed and immediately put his words into action. Surprisingly, it was much easier to do than usually, as if Jin simply let him do what he wanted showing no sings of protest. On the other hand, Ryo felt the other body being there without a doubt. He felt Akanishi's arms closing around his waist to make sure Ryo wouldn't receive any of the impact when they hit the floor.
It was embarrassing and weird.
"Well then, dear client" Akanishi said and although Ryo couldn't see it he would bet the expression on the other's face was a Cheshirian smile. "Do you wish to continue?.."
"No way in Hell!" Ryo yelled, broke out of Akanishi's arms and moved back by two meters."
"Too bad" Jin sighed. "I thought at least your last wish would be something more... exciting."
"Last wish?" finally Ryo started realizing there was something wrong not only with the way Jin's clothes changed themselves into something totally different from what they were. There was something strongly out of order with what he was saying as well.
"Yes, your final wish" Akanishi sighed as if he was dealing with a little kid. "You released a genie from a lamp, so you get your three wishes made true by him. In this case, by me."
"A lamp?" Ryo gestured dubiously towards the flashlight.
"You're being petty" Akanishi (was he really?) rolled his eyes. "The world is evolving, I need something to move in easily and this particular flashlight happens to be very comfy inside. Came with a great DVD set."
Ryo nodded. He couldn't bring himself up to do anything more.
"And my name isn't Akanishi or anything of the sort" the man was still nagging. "I am the Great Genius Genie Jinnie. Understood?"
Ryo nodded again. By now he didn't care for names. He just wanted that weird dream to end. The only thing he wished for was to wake up in his own bed, call Akanishi and ban him from appearing in any of his dreams anymore. Period.
"So, what's your final wish?"
That was the time Nishikido blinked and something clicked.
"Wait..." he drew near the so called 'genie' again "you said I had three wishes, right?"
"Yes" Jin or Jinnie or whoever he was nodded and smiled professionally. "Your first wish was for me to change my clothes and the second to knock me down. The second one hurt a bit, but the client is king as they say, and I fulfilled both your wishes perfectly, haven't I? What is the final one, dear client?"
Ryo stood up and, apparently forgetting that if he admitted the fact he's talking to a genie, he also had to admit he was talking to a very powerful magical entity, he started yelling.
"That's unfair! I didn't know anything about you being a jinn! I should be informed about my rights, the consequences, I don't know but there should be some rules!"
"Yes" Jin nodded "there are and we obeyed them all."
"I can't accept that! I want to talk to your boss! You have a boss, don't you? You said you had one!"
"That's a bad idea!" this time it was the genie who looked uncomfortable. He was glancing all around the room as if he wanted to secure a way out of it. "You don't know what you're talking about, dear client! You... you definitely do not want to speak with..."
Ryo's eyes narrowed.
"I wish to meet him right now."
His wish had to be fulfilled.
***
At first Ryo didn't know where he was.
Alright, there was no one to fool about it: he had not the slightest clue as of where he was. He was going to meet a genie's supervisor and surely his office wouldn't be located in some nice skyscraper in the middle of Roppongi.
Or was it?
When Ryo approached a giant, star-shaped window, he could see he was inside a skyscraper after all. He could see the lights of some sort of city. He wouldn't bet it was Tokyo, but he also had no reason to believe it wasn't. For all he knew, it could be mostly anywhere in the world. Or out of it.
He was waiting in a hall, a kitschy to the point of offence hall with much more colours put together than a human eye could bear seeing at once. What's more, some of the colourful elements of furniture, decorations, and whatever, were in constant move.
Say, that giant, minutely carved, heavily overpainted, gold encrusted hourglass on his left. There was no sand inside it that would be falling down gently; there were colourful pieces of... liquid something. Those pieces were traveling up and down with no order whatsoever, and the whole thing apparently served as a lamp, as it was slightly glowing.
The sofa on which Ryo was encouraged to sit but reverted from doing so, was a a kind of water bed. Ryo had no problem with water beds in general, but he didn't like the fact this one was a see-through and there were fish inside. Some of them pretty big and, well, teeth-y.
There were also pictures on the walls. And carvings. And tapestries with moving figures. And millions of other things he had no time to register and name before he was called from behind a heavy purplish red curtain with a golden rope. Apparently, the door to the boss' office.
Ryo cautiously put his head under the curtain. There was no sight of the person who called him in there, but seeing it was seemingly secure, and much less flashy than the hall, he proceeded down the corridor he found there.
Actually it was more of a tunnel under a heavy load of satin, chiffon, silk and once again chiffon strips. At first it was purple, but as he walked down the tunnel, the shade started to change through violet to finally open in a navy blue chamber decorated with innumerable golden stars, moons and coins hanging from the ceiling and walls. In the centre, there was a pallet made of embroidered cushions.
Upon them lied a man.
No, Ryo corrected his thoughts.
Upon them lied a phenomenon.
It had male body, which was very easy to prove even in the dim light of the chamber, as he wore nothing but blue chiffon strips, and little of them in fact. Ryo had to get a grip of himself to stop gaping at that man's nipples, and even more not to take a look downwards, out of sheer curiosity. After all he had no experience with magical beings. They could have been sexless, or versatile, or...
"I am not" the phenomenon informed him kindly in a whispery voice Ryo was sure he knew very well. He felt like he heard that voice many times.
As the Genie Boss moved forward on his cushions, Ryo finally found out where he had heard that sexy voice before.
In his own wet dreams mostly.
And sometimes at work.
The man in front of him was no other than Ueda Tatsuya.
Or rather, a perfect replica of Ueda Tatsuya, just like the genie from a flashlight was a replica of Jin.
"Am I dreaming?.." he accidentally spoke. "This can't be real..."
Almost naked and sexy like never before, Ueda look-a-like in front of him smiled lightly.
"It isn't exactly real" he whispered again "but you are not dreaming either. Please sit down. I was told you wanted to meet me. Were you unsatisfied with my genie's service?"
"I... just... he..." Ryo's mouth was moving like that of a fish, with no sound coming out. In that atmosphere, with that man in front of him, it was so hard to demand anything. It was practically impossible.
"I will help you a bit" the genie boss proposed and moved yet a little closer to the edge of his pallet, sitting cross-legged on it. When he did so, Ryo realized all the fabric that made up the chamber moved together with him. Was possibly ALL of that his robe? Would it mean they were still in the same Hall, all the time, this man draped in his own clothes like in a cocoon?
"You have met one of my employees earlier tonight" before Ryo could drown in wonder, the boss spoke again. "As your final wish you demanded to see me. I believe it's not because you're a magical realm tourist."
The phrase 'final wish' triggered the right spot in Nishikido's brain at last and the figure of Jin-like jinn appeared in his mind, helping him to break out of the stupor mixed with dirty visions of himself, Ueda and a truck-worth of cushions.
"Right!" he answered as soon as cold reason was brought back to him. "Your employee has fooled me! He made me use my two wishes before he told me who he was. He asked me if I wished for something and I was simply answering what I felt at that moment, because I had no idea of the consequences. That's unfair! What if I wished for a nuclear war?!"
"Oh, we've taken precautions. The wishes of this kind are illegal" Ueda... no, the genie boss laughed lightly as if he heard a good joke. He then moved forward again, now staying only inches from Ryo's face, and gave him a half-serious look.
"Listen carefully, little human boy. The ancient rule only says that a genie let out of his nest is supposed to make three wishes of the human who let him out come true. There are several rules to it, among them one that you can't take the wishes back or exchange them for anything else. There is also a small list of wishes that won't be fulfilled; we created it over centuries learning from experience. And that is all there is to it. It is not a part for our business to wonder if the wish was well thought-off, or if the wisher knew what he was doing at all. You say your wish, the genie checks out if it's legal and if it is - it comes true. If you wasted your wishes, it's your problem only."
Ryo was speechless for a long moment. Partially because of what he just heard, and partially because of the high proximity of the boss' face to his own.
"But... shouldn't the genie introduce himself first? Isn't that a rule too?"
"No really" the beautiful man moved back and laughed silently once again "it's just a courtesy to a client. I'd have to deal with thousands of people like you daily if not for that. Besides, even if Jinnie told you who he was at once, would you believe him?"
"I probably would not" Ryo admitted, finding the carpet a very interesting view for a long moment. Then suddenly, something occurred to him.
"But I would only use one wish to prove it! One, not two!" he said loudly, excited about the newly found argument for his point of view. He looked up again and realized that the Genie boss was thinking deeply about something.
His face was absolutely beautiful when he was so taken up in his own thoughts. He really looked exactly like Ueda. Especially exhausted, sleepy Ueda, not cautious enough to cover emotions running through his mind. Ryo haven't seen him like that since KAT-TUN's debut but he could bet it didn't change much.
He was totally bewitched when he heard the man speaking again, and had to very quickly convince himself the person he's looking at is not Ueda after all. Otherwise he'd probably jump him on the spot.
"You've amused me" the boss said. "And your reasoning is good. I want everybody to know that my company consists of professionals, but I also care for mutual understanding and some..." he stopped for a moment, looking for a right expression "...some heart between us and the clients. Therefore, I will give you the wish you say you wouldn't use if Jinnie introduced himself properly. From now on you still have Jinnie for one more wish. Please, be considerate this time."
Ryo, surprising even himself, mumbled some words of gratitude and left the chamber the same way he entered it.
There was only one way in the tunnel. To or from the chamber. Still, when he came out from behind the purple curtain, instead of the Hall in a skyscraper, he was standing on a lively street in Roppongi. The Great Genius Genie Jinnie right next to him.
***
With the cold night breeze Ryo's senses came back to him and he realized that he gained nothing by seeing the genie's boss. Literally nothing. He was back to Tokyo (considering he left it at any point), only out of the JE building and he still had only one wish left. If anything was different, it was that his bag was nowhere to be seen, probably still in that very dressing room he found the flashlight in. Which meant, too far to bother going back and getting it.
Jinnie was playing with his flashlight, but as soon as he realized Ryo standing next to him he stopped, as if he remembered something important.
"Oh, right" he said. "You really are hard to deal with. And I'm positive one time is as much as you can leave the boss' office unharmed. So, in case you were to cause any more uproar, I brought you this."
He handed Ryo a giant, ancient-looking book. It was so heavy that simply holding it for a few seconds hurt. Nishikido sent a hateful glance towards his genie.
"What is it?" he asked, although he wasn't all that curious. He simply wanted to get rid of it as fast as possible.
"A code. Or, more accurately, The Code. It is where all the rules of wish-making and fulfilling is written down. At least skim through it before you complain again that I didn't tell you something."
Although Jinnie didn't say anything straight into his face, Ryo could see he felt offended with what happened before. So, knowing that this moody being is going to be the one making his wish come true, he chose to look at the book and see for himself what the rules were. After all the genie boss stated that there were only several. The big book must have been just for show.
Rule 1:
An emplyee, from now on called 'a genie' will make three first wishes of the one who let him out, from now on called 'a client', come true.
Appendix 1 to Rule 1...
Ryo was getting tired of reading it as soon as he started doing so. He thought of calling Shige and asking him to read it, as the kid was much more accustomed to such things, but just before he reached to his pocket for a cell phone, his eyes landed on another rule, that was banning him from showing the code to 'any uninvolved parties'.
So much for having anybody slave for him in that matter.
As for this set of rules fitting the word 'several', it was probably the euphemism of the century. Ryo sighed and turned a few pages.
After two hours of reading, learning, among other things, that no genie will take any responsibility for a peacock sent to the Moon by accidental slip of his tongue, and still getting through probably only a half of the first Chapter (The Main Rules), Ryo felt he's had enough. His hands were dying from holding the book, the genie next to him looked more and more devilish with each passing second, and Ryo was close to a rather sad realization that all wishes he could think of were probably included on The List of Banned Wishes. Or if not, they would probably cause him harm and the genie wouldn't care.
He closed the book and started to think.
What could he wish for that would be legal for genie law and wouldn't bring him before Japanese court too? If he asked for too much money, there would be the problem of taxes (that genie wouldn't cover up for) and, more importantly, explaining where did he get it from (that genie wouldn't help him to prove at all). He didn't want more fame that he had, he could earn his regular spendings quite well... he didn't have an ambition of taking over JE too. Nor becoming a politician.
"This wish is illegal" Jinn nicely explained, helping Ryo to realize that he was speaking out loud.
It somehow made him angry. He threw the book on the pavement with great force. However, before it hit the ground and produced the noise Ryo's inner child was anticipating, it disappeared. Very disappointing.
"So what can I really wish for?! A cereal bar?!" he shouted into Jinnie's face, feeling the anger building up inside.
"It certainly isn't illegal" Jinnie answered, his composure not moved one bit.
Ryo found himself being furious.
"How about..." he was to throw in something random and most likely stupid in that sentence, but then one certain figure appeared in his mind. It was a silhouette of a male wearing blue chiffon.
"How about a night with your boss?" he finished slowly, an evil smile appearing in the corner of his mouth.
Now the genie was startled.
"You mean... having sex with HIM?"
"Yes, that's exactly what I mean. Your boss, my bed, and a copy of National Geographic. Or Cosmo."
Jinnie was looking at him as if Ryo just swallowed a bug and demanded a second helping. Ryo's evil smile grew bigger.
"ARE YOU NUTS?!" Jinnie asked in a not-very-polite manner.
"No" Ryo answered as his smile was getting bigger and bigger. "He looks exactly like a person I have a big crush on."
Jinnie snorted.
"No, he doesn’t'! He might be a boss for genies, but he himself is a demon! He doesn't look like anything, you look at him and you see what you want to see. I, for example, always see him as a giant beast (save for that one time when I saw him as an ice-cream sundae, but that's not the point). He's dangerous! Do you understand?!"
"I don't mind if it's fake" Ryo shrugged. "I want to have sex with him, and that's final. Illegal wish?"
The Genius Genie Jinnie hit his forehead with an open palm.
"Listen, boy" he almost cried then. "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but since you resemble my good friend I..."
"I resemble YOUR friend?!"
"Don't cut in!" The genie hissed, and looked around cautiously. "Now where were we... ah, right, the demon. He's paying genies to fulfill wishes that aren't paid for by anyone. How do you think this whole genie business is profitable for him?"
"Advertisements?" Ryo answered before he thought of anything else but one short glance from Jinnie was enough to ensure him it was a bad guess.
"Is it... charity? To humankind?" he risked another answer, although his instincts were telling him he's missing the point miserably.
For a moment Jinnie was speechless. His eyes got rather big and round too.
"You make me think of retiring early" he whispered before getting back to what really mattered. "My boss likes shiny things. Golden stars, moons, and coins, exotic fish, shiny hourglasses and such. He happens to like them especially when they're made of human souls. I am impressed that he let you go once, but he definitely won't if you give him another chance. So please, reconsider and finally GET the oh-so-complicated idea of spending that Cosmopolitan night with your human crush in his very person!"
If Nishikido was to be fair with himself, he had to admit he did think of that possibility. But the truth was he found himself caring for Ueda's feelings much more than he initially thought he would. The possibility of forcing unwilling Ueda into a one night stand with him sounded very unethical to him.
"You should learn to think without speaking your thoughts" Jinnie kindly advised. "We can make him love you. It's not illegal. Of course it'll take some time for his mind to accept it, but you can make some moves meanwhile. Like, wake up in his bed tomorrow."
This was unethical too, even if less than the previous option.
However, Nishikido Ryo didn't remember being an angel at any point of his life.
"Deal".
"Not deal. Say: I wish."
***
What a weird dream... Ryo mumbled to himself turning from one side to another in his bed.
"What kind of dream it was?" he heard a whispering voice very close to his ear. Did his sister randomly visit him in Tokyo like she already did once before? Even if she did, he wasn't going to tell her his dreams as if he was five years old. Especially when the dreams were about genies, magic, and Jin's pointy shoes... and in the end he wished to wake up in..."
Before he finished the sentence in his head the realization struck him, he sat up and did a very quick, very nervous look around.
His eyes finally landed on a person who was sitting on the edge of the bed that definitely, surely wasn't his. That person was Ueda Tatsuya. Who smiled politely at him.
"Jin carried you here in the middle of the night. Apparently you were drinking until you passed out and my place was the closest. He didn't want you to get caught by paparazzi."
Ryo relaxed, partially due to a sudden realization that he still had most of his clothes on. Not that he wouldn't like it being otherwise, but then it would be rather hard to explain things to Ueda, and... himself, too.
"I like you" he heard himself blurting out as if he was insane. "Please go out with me?"
Ueda didn't answer. Instead he tilted his head to a side in a way people do when they're clueless about whatever this cruel world embodied in the person in front of them expects them to do.
Oh right. The spell wasn't supposed to work that fast. Ueda still had a right not to know that he was going to love Ryo very deeply.
"You mean it?"
What, did he know already, after all?
Ryo got out of the bed and collected his shirt. Mainly in order to have something to crumple in his hands while he was waiting for a more solid answer from Ueda.
"You know..." Ueda started, albeit it seemed he wasn't exactly sure if what he was saying made any sense. "I always thought that tension between us was a little... maybe I should say, special, in a way..."
Ryo froze for a moment. The shirt went back to the floor.
"Wait... Then it's nothing new in your mind?! Nothing that just... appearing in your thoughts during last eight hours? You ALWAYS thought it was possible?!"
"Well, sorry that I didn't bring it up to you" Ueda shrugged, looking away from him. "I didn't think you'd be interested."
"No, it's not that, I know, I mean, I never said anything myself and I never really believed it could work out but..." Ryo fell into a compulsive speech that couldn't be stopped for a while. Until he reached the ultimate point of realization.
"I've wasted the last wish!" he cried and fell on Ueda's bed again. "That damned, damned, damned genie!"
"Who?" Ueda laughed out loud, but Ryo was still busy shouting and beating up Ueda's pillow.
"A genie! If you can have your fairies, I can have my genies!"
"Nishikido, I admitted to making up the fairies. Publicly. On TV."
"I don't care! I had one wish and I used it to have your feelings while I should have simply asked you out!"
Ueda stiffed. He then very slowly got on the bed, positioned himself above Ryo so that the other had very limited space to move, and gave him a very serious look.
"You wanted to manipulate my feelings?..." he asked coldly.
Ryo swallowed. Suddenly his wasted wish paled in comparison to an angry boxer's fist in such a close proximity to his nose.
"A second ago you didn’t' believe in genies..."
"And I still don't. But if I am to have some weird cultists tailing me because you thought you made a wish upon a star..."
"...a genie."
Pissed-off was one of the sexiest faces of Ueda that Ryo knew, and probably the only one he knew the best in the world. It was giving him an impression of intimacy.
"No one weird is gonna follow you, he looked exactly like Akanishi."
He was trying to focus on the genie business but it was a hard task, hard literally. Still, even if Ryo might have been horny like hell for that man above him, he was never a rapist. If it wasn't to change very soon, he had to somehow get Ueda off of himself in an instant.
"Look... I probably had a weird dream. You said I was here most of the night? Drunk? I don't remember drinking. Akanishi brought me?"
Ryo himself most certainly did not believe it was a dream. He thought so when he was waking up but not after he regained full consciousness and all that happened the previous night became clear to him again. However, if it was to prevent injuries (nobody said the rape attempted on Ueda of all people would be successful), maybe it wasn't such a bad idea to pretend for a while.
Ueda moved back and let him get out of the bed again, so apparently the dream story wasn't a total failure. Ryo took a few deep breaths, sat on the bed and finally put on his shirt. A minute later he was next to Ueda's bedroom door. He had to hurry not to be late to work. He still had to get a fresh change of clothes too.
"Anyway... think about us. Please."
With these words he left Ueda's room and soon his apartment too. Only when he was out of the building he remembered that he didn't even say thank you to Ueda for sheltering him that night. Oh well, he would blackmail Jin later for Ueda's cell number and send a nice message. Yes, an extremely nice one.
Back in the bedroom, Tatsuya was still sitting on his bed, unable to move. Finally, he looked at the creased pillow Ryo was about to kill a moment before.
"I made up the fairies story. For a reason" he said to no one in particular. And smiled.
He was going to give Ryo's offer a very serious thought.