here is a story i wrote
I am the only student in my chemistry class who has not yet become the parent of a groundbreaking new discovery that will redefine the laws of the universe forever. I am hideously embarrassed. The most hideously embarrassing aspect of this personal flaw is that my very own best friend Sarah is the proud inventor of the absolutely most groundbreaking redefining discovery in the entire class, and I am the proud inventor of nothing. It is becoming clear that perhaps I am not going to share my lunch box with Sarah very much more often.
Sarah's groundbreaking redefining discovery is a very beautiful, very cold green fluorescent liquid which she keeps in small rectangular sealed vials similar to individual clarinet reed cases. Sarah says that upon ingestion, the user can smash his or her ear up to someone else's ear and listen to their thoughts. It's quite remarkable.
One day I decided to appropriate several vials of Sarah's invention and use it for my own mischievous purposes, the details of which I had not yet planned but which were sure to be quite quite full of mischief. So after chemistry class ended and school was over I insidiously sauntered over to Sarah's lab station and pillaged the cupboards until my pockets nearly overflowed with seventeen lovely glowing vials, lined up neatly along the lining of the cloth. As I exited the room, the thickly bespectacled instructor Miss Funterbruten coughed loudly -- her slick, subtle way of catching my attention.
"Yes, Miss Funterbruten?"
"Sorry, but is there something I can help you with?"
"Not at all, I was just leaving."
"Right, of course. Umm, something wrong with your pockets?"
"Oh, don't worry about that. Just Sarah's groundbreaking redefining discovery. I'm... inspecting it."
"Good then. Carry on. I do hope your groundbreaking redefining discovery is coming along soon, young lady. You've had rather a number of weeks to come up with something," said Miss Funterbruten.
"Do shut up, Miss Funterbruten," I replied.
"Right. Sorry."
When I arrived home with my prize, I smuggled it hastily into my room, immediately cracked open one of the vials, and let it drip gooily onto my tongue. It was very cold and very delicious and very painful. I spat it out instantly. The potion splattered against the wall, which caused something fairly atypical and somewhat alarming to happen. The amoeba-shaped area which was besplattered with goo was suddenly rather transparent. I stared through the hole in the wall with great interest and noticed that there was no hole in the wall, that instead, that specific section of the wall had simply become invisible.
After cracking open another vial and drinking it quickly and with conviction, determined to bear the stinging coldness and sweet, irresistible flavor that permeated my tender mouthy parts, I crouched on the bed next to the cat and put my head down next to its ear. I heard nothing. Infuriated, I threw the cat across the room and stormed out.
Sarah lied. I decided right then and there that the only course of action palatble to my enraged countenance was to erase her completely, which I would do as soon as possible with my new groundbreaking redefining discovery. Gloriously self-satisfied, I galloped with maniacal glee to her house that very afternoon, under the pretense of wanting to play video games with her. As soon as I was inside the den with her, I unleashed my furious wrath with a shattering cry and tackled the girl, pinning her arms down with my legs. The vials clutched within my fists cracked open, drawing hot, stinging patterns into my hands with the glass shards and raining invisibility goo and blood over Sarah's face and shoulders. Here is what disappeared: an eye, then a nostril and about an inch of skin and cartilage above it, half a cheek, both eyebrows, about 30% of a neck, and four inches of shoulder.
It wasn't enough. I was horribly disappointed and tried to distract myself from my obvious failure to erase Sarah by beating her unconscious. Finally at peace, I began to leave the room when I saw an open cupboard containing a most fantastic and unexpected present for me. Twelve more lovely rectangular vials stood innocently at attention within the cupboard. I grabbed one and broke it over Sarah's chest, firmly decided upon finishihng what I had started.
But alas! This goo was useless. It spattered over her blouse, erasing nothing and leaving a bright stain. Puzzled and rather annoyed, I glared at the other vials, wondering in what ways their fiendish contents would deceive me next. Then, a brilliant idea resounded through my mind and I could not help but marvel at the magnitude of my genius.
Obviously I had stolen the wrong groundbreaking discovery from the school laboratory. This stuff here, in Sarah's cupboard, had to be the brain-listening-to stuff. I gulped down another tube and crouched by Sarah's blank face, bringing my ear close to hers.
Eureka! The girl had been right. As I listened intently, a small voice echoed inside of Sarah's head.
"Ow," it said.
I chuckled and rose from the floor, which was something of a filthy mess at this point. What a fabulous thing I had discovered! The remaining vials bobbed happily in my pockets as I trotted out of the house, filled with a bold determination to find out if the boy in my homeroom had a crush on me, and then make billions of dollars.
This is exactly what I did, and I lived happily ever after.
In closing, I shall impart this wisdom: Do not count your chickens before they hatch.
Sarah's groundbreaking redefining discovery is a very beautiful, very cold green fluorescent liquid which she keeps in small rectangular sealed vials similar to individual clarinet reed cases. Sarah says that upon ingestion, the user can smash his or her ear up to someone else's ear and listen to their thoughts. It's quite remarkable.
One day I decided to appropriate several vials of Sarah's invention and use it for my own mischievous purposes, the details of which I had not yet planned but which were sure to be quite quite full of mischief. So after chemistry class ended and school was over I insidiously sauntered over to Sarah's lab station and pillaged the cupboards until my pockets nearly overflowed with seventeen lovely glowing vials, lined up neatly along the lining of the cloth. As I exited the room, the thickly bespectacled instructor Miss Funterbruten coughed loudly -- her slick, subtle way of catching my attention.
"Yes, Miss Funterbruten?"
"Sorry, but is there something I can help you with?"
"Not at all, I was just leaving."
"Right, of course. Umm, something wrong with your pockets?"
"Oh, don't worry about that. Just Sarah's groundbreaking redefining discovery. I'm... inspecting it."
"Good then. Carry on. I do hope your groundbreaking redefining discovery is coming along soon, young lady. You've had rather a number of weeks to come up with something," said Miss Funterbruten.
"Do shut up, Miss Funterbruten," I replied.
"Right. Sorry."
When I arrived home with my prize, I smuggled it hastily into my room, immediately cracked open one of the vials, and let it drip gooily onto my tongue. It was very cold and very delicious and very painful. I spat it out instantly. The potion splattered against the wall, which caused something fairly atypical and somewhat alarming to happen. The amoeba-shaped area which was besplattered with goo was suddenly rather transparent. I stared through the hole in the wall with great interest and noticed that there was no hole in the wall, that instead, that specific section of the wall had simply become invisible.
After cracking open another vial and drinking it quickly and with conviction, determined to bear the stinging coldness and sweet, irresistible flavor that permeated my tender mouthy parts, I crouched on the bed next to the cat and put my head down next to its ear. I heard nothing. Infuriated, I threw the cat across the room and stormed out.
Sarah lied. I decided right then and there that the only course of action palatble to my enraged countenance was to erase her completely, which I would do as soon as possible with my new groundbreaking redefining discovery. Gloriously self-satisfied, I galloped with maniacal glee to her house that very afternoon, under the pretense of wanting to play video games with her. As soon as I was inside the den with her, I unleashed my furious wrath with a shattering cry and tackled the girl, pinning her arms down with my legs. The vials clutched within my fists cracked open, drawing hot, stinging patterns into my hands with the glass shards and raining invisibility goo and blood over Sarah's face and shoulders. Here is what disappeared: an eye, then a nostril and about an inch of skin and cartilage above it, half a cheek, both eyebrows, about 30% of a neck, and four inches of shoulder.
It wasn't enough. I was horribly disappointed and tried to distract myself from my obvious failure to erase Sarah by beating her unconscious. Finally at peace, I began to leave the room when I saw an open cupboard containing a most fantastic and unexpected present for me. Twelve more lovely rectangular vials stood innocently at attention within the cupboard. I grabbed one and broke it over Sarah's chest, firmly decided upon finishihng what I had started.
But alas! This goo was useless. It spattered over her blouse, erasing nothing and leaving a bright stain. Puzzled and rather annoyed, I glared at the other vials, wondering in what ways their fiendish contents would deceive me next. Then, a brilliant idea resounded through my mind and I could not help but marvel at the magnitude of my genius.
Obviously I had stolen the wrong groundbreaking discovery from the school laboratory. This stuff here, in Sarah's cupboard, had to be the brain-listening-to stuff. I gulped down another tube and crouched by Sarah's blank face, bringing my ear close to hers.
Eureka! The girl had been right. As I listened intently, a small voice echoed inside of Sarah's head.
"Ow," it said.
I chuckled and rose from the floor, which was something of a filthy mess at this point. What a fabulous thing I had discovered! The remaining vials bobbed happily in my pockets as I trotted out of the house, filled with a bold determination to find out if the boy in my homeroom had a crush on me, and then make billions of dollars.
This is exactly what I did, and I lived happily ever after.
In closing, I shall impart this wisdom: Do not count your chickens before they hatch.