Comments | yukidragon: Four - Chapter 5 - Go for Broke

yukidragon

Four - Chapter 5 - Go for Broke - Part 2

Sep 12, 2011 04:44

Someday I'll be back to chapters that can fit in a single post. Opinions/suggestions are greatly desired.

Man, it's challenging properly wrapping up something so intense in a succinct way. Any ideas on how to tighten it up?

And an idea came! What do you think? Too short or anything better you can come up with?

UPDATED: September 16, 10:00pm

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four, bugging betas, writing xing

Comments 2

one_amahira September 12 2011, 21:17:10 UTC

I really like how well you overlaid Botan's scene with what happened inside with Amaya's earlier in the other part. I also like how things did get a little more lighthearted at the end there with Irokafue in her little deformed plushie form.

I wonder what she was hoping to accomplish... if she's working for anyone else, etc. Anyway, this was pretty intense for Amaya's first go. Trial by fire and all that. But given the level of enemies her predecessor was facing off with when he, ah, let's say retired from being Spirit Detective, it fits rather well with the canon I think.

yukidragon September 12 2011, 23:07:07 UTC

Thanks! I was a little worried about mood whiplash even though I found the scene hilarious, but I tried to keep in mind the more severe one when Kazuma revealed he was still alive while Yusuke was on his knees sobbing in grief over his death. I'm glad it's not too much.

Yeah, everyone has been commenting that it's pretty intense. I find it funny that originally it was going to be Amaya being left with little to do with Kurama slaughtering everything with ease, but I realized it'd just be more of Amaya wondering why the heck she was picked to be Spirit Detective in the first place. Then I realized I could insert something of the overarching plot and mysteries and, well, snowball. It got to be that by the time I got to Botan looking away from the gory digression shot that I wondered if I went overboard and if I should lighten it somehow.

I'm glad this fits in with the canon. I was hoping the level worked with that area of the series. Really, the challenge level was more with Kurama's ability in mind than Amaya's.