Gentle embrace- Aoi/Uruha, Ruki/Kai - Chapter 4
Author : yukigafuru
Title : Gentle embrace
Chapter : 4/?
Genre : romance, slight angst
Warnings: manXman love
Rating : PG-13, will change
Pairing: Uruha / Aoi, Ruki / Kai
Summary : Feelings can get stirred up quite easily sometimes, even by a band mate's radio show.
Notes: Hope you like it. This one is really long. I also hope I'll have plenty of comments to reply to (hugs).
Chapter 4
Kai was pacing back and forth in his apartment, wondering what he should do to capture his angel’s heart. It wasn’t an easy decision to make. First of all, Kai had never tried wooing a guy before, hadn’t even thought about it. It wasn’t easy for him to accept the fact that indeed Ruki was a guy and that he had fallen in love with him. Why so suddenly? They had been together for years and years and until now nothing like what he was feeling now had ever surfaced. Or had it? He had always taken special care of their little fur ball, always by his side if the little man came for help, secretly enjoying his pouts and sometimes non-sensical comments. Sure he loved to see Ruki smile, because when Ruki was happy it felt as if there was nothing wrong with the world…
When Kai thought about it, he realized that maybe, just maybe, he had seen Ruki as more than a friend all along and it just took that one kiss to awake those feelings.
But what about his girlfriends? He had truly cared for some of them, even imagined forming a family. Had he been deceiving himself all along?
Kai couldn’t answer that. And that wasn’t his problem now anyway. He wanted to find a way to make Ruki fall in love with him. And no matter how much he fretted he just came up with no reasonable ideas.
He didn’t think that Ruki would be especially delighted by a bouquet of flowers and a fancy dinner. He would probably be shocked as hell by it. Same went with the usual flattering. Sure he could try flirting. But Kai just felt that wasn’t enough. That would just be dismissed at friendliness. How did other people do this? Kai wondered exasperated.
And then he realized he could always ask a fellow comrade. Aoi and Uruha, he had never quite asked how they had got together… So Kai picked up the phone and first called Aoi.
“Aoi, how are you?”
“Fine, thanks. Just woke up. Since we didn’t have practice, me and Uruha decided to stay in bed until late…which would be long after noon in our cases. Why are you calling?”
“I’d like to talk to you and Uruha about something. Could I come by in like thirty minutes?”
“Is this serious, Kai-chan?”
“It is serious but it’s nothing to worry about. I’ll be there soon, ok?”
“Ok then, we’ll be waiting.”
About half an hour later, Kai was in Aoi and Uruha’s apartment, sipping a cup of tea wondering how to ask them. He didn’t have though too much time to think since Aoi and Uruha sat on the sofa in front of him and Aoi asked:
“So, Kai-chan, what can we help you with?”
“I know I usually don’t pry into your lives, but would you mind telling me how you got together? Each one his own version, from the beginning?”
“There’s no problem, Uruha replied, but you’re right, it is a bit strange for you to ask. Mind sharing the reason with us…”
Kai blushed a bit and as he was getting ready to explain, Aoi saved him.
“Maybe it’s better after all if you hear our stories and then you can decide if you want to share or not…you don’t have to if you don’t want to. We’ll understand. Guess I’ll be first then…It is kind of awkward to admit it all in front of Uruha though...”
At that, Uruha made a curious and amused face and said while grinning widely:
“Why, Aoi, you won’t lose your manliness you know…”
Aoi replied: “You tease…” And then started his story.
“I think I fell in love with him the first time I heard him play the guitar. It just took that one moment to decide the next long years of my life. I’m not a man of words, that’s Ruki’s part…but I just thought he looked like an angel with the sun shrouding him and his guitar in its light. His music just hit something deep inside my soul. His fingers playing the guitar, his body movements, the way his eyes shut when he was playing an especially hard part. I fell in love with everything about him. And then, we became friends. Or better said he became friends with me. I never saw him as a friend. But I kept my feelings to myself, out of fear that I’ll scare him away. Those were the longest years of my life. I loved him as a friend too, of course. It’s not like I only wanted his body or something. I loved his personality, his cheerfulness. Couldn’t quite understand his drinking habits though. (Aoi chuckled)
One day, I just couldn’t hold myself back. He just came to me after spending the night in a club. He was so tired and drunk that as soon as I opened my apartment doors he leaned on me. It was too much, all of the sudden, having the body of the one you love pressed against yours, wanting him with all your soul, so close and at the same time so far. I just wanted to hold him then. So I pulled him in an embrace. He simply relaxed in my arms so I led him to the bed, and cuddled together with him. The whole night, I didn’t let him go. I hated the very idea of the sun waking him up, waking me up from what seemed like a dream. And during the night he didn’t make a single try to push me away. He just cuddled closer in my embrace.
Over the next few months we went back to being friends. And the wound just became bigger. I just thought I’d never stop hurting. Every day I found a new thing about him that made me love him more. It got so painful at one point. Everyday, wanting to confess and holding back. And the fact that he had so many girlfriends and boyfriends, one after the other didn’t help. I asked him once, if he had ever been in love. He just replied in a joking tone that for the last years he’d been in love every day of his life. To me, that sounded like a joke, knowing about his seeming unending string of romances. I was wrong though. I should have seen it in his eyes then, probably.
And then, that Christmas, after you, Ruki and Reita went home, while cleaning a bit the mess left behind, he suddenly grabbed me from behind, turned me around and kissed me. I couldn’t even react. I was that shocked. When the kiss ended and he looked into my eyes I just couldn’t believe the emotions sparkling in them. And then he confessed. That night, when I could truly hold him in my arms for the first time, I thought I’d died and went to heaven. I still think like that…”
After saying the last words, Aoi looked into Uruha’s eyes and saw them shimmering. Kai himself was quite moved by what he had heard. He couldn’t imagine how Uruha must be feeling.
Uruha indeed felt as if his heart was breaking with love. He had known that Aoi had been in love with him a long time before they had gotten together but he never imagined for how long. At that moment, he felt a bit guilty for making Aoi wait so much and also so very thankful that Aoi hadn’t given up on him. So he bent slightly and gently kissed Aoi, opting to express through that one single act how he felt, knowing that Aoi understood. Kai loved seeing them together, so happy, so he just waited. After a few moments, Uruha broke the kiss, his cheeks a bit flushed and started his own story. Kai thought that it was more a confession to Aoi than a story meant for him.
“For me, I always saw him as a friend, or so I thought. I never suspected he had feelings for me. I wish he were less good at acting. I saw sadness shimmering in his eyes a lot of times when he looked at me but I just didn’t think hard about it I guess. If I asked him what was wrong he’d just deny that anything was wrong and that was it. He was my closest friend. I could tell him anything, share with him everything. I knew he’d always be there for me and I guess that was enough.
Until that one day when I came to his doorstep so drunk. That night I had felt so alone. The stress of the upcoming tour, another break up, my relationships never seemed to last, the fact that I had no one to love and love me, it just came all crashing on me one night so I drank until I almost passed out and came to him, my best friend, my shoulder to cry on. The thing is by the time I knocked at his door I had sobered up a bit. I think I’ve never told him that. (Uruha chuckled.) But when I saw him in the doorframe I just wanted someone to make it all go away so I leaned on him. He was my pillar after all.
The moment he embraced me was the moment my world turned upside down. We had hugged a lot of times before but I had never felt like that. It was as if with that one simple action he shrouded me from the world and the hurt. He was so warm, his body felt so good. I just felt right, at home, as if my very soul belonged there. So I just relaxed in his embrace. I was a bit surprised when he climbed into bed with me and didn’t release me, but I was also so happy. I truly felt loved. From that moment on, it was kind of a roller coaster of feelings. Every time I saw him, I just wanted to feel his body again, go to that warm place again, but I never felt like that when we hugged. Now I know he was holding back. But then, I wondered all the time why, why couldn’t I have that again? So I started watching him, truly listening to him. His every gaze, the way he caressed his guitar, his protective side, him when he was annoyed and raging. I followed him everywhere wanting to know more about him, as if wanting to have his soul. And that’s when I realized that most of the times he looked at me, he was sad, when we were together he didn’t quite let go. I was different from the others and it started hurting a bit. I wanted him to show to me the same sort of affection, even more actually. I started to think about how his lips would feel like, his touch, his voice in bed, his flustered face when being confessed to, and most of all, him telling me he loves me, claiming my very soul. The day I dreamt about him making love with me I knew I had fallen in love. So I basically just threw myself at him I guess. I’m not one to take no for an answer anyway and by then I already suspected that there was more to those embraces and gazes than mere friendship so that Christmas I just grabbed him, kissed him, and confessed.”
Kai was quite surprised at Uruha. He knew the man was forward but still…He was truly grateful to the two of them for sharing their stories, but he still hadn’t found the answers he needed. His and Ruki’s situation just felt different somehow. Although he seemed to have one common point with the two, he had also fallen in love quite unexpectedly and he imagined it would be a roller coaster of emotions from there on too. He was jolted out of his thoughts by Uruha.
“So, Kai, why did you ask us this?”
Kai didn’t even think about hiding the truth from them. It just didn’t feel right. So he just replied:
“I think I fell in love today. Actually, I don’t think. I know. And after hearing your stories I think I realized that I’ve been I love for a while, but just never bothered to notice. I thought that maybe I’d get some answers by coming here…”
“Answers to what, Kai?” Aoi asked.
Kai blushed a bit but then firmly stated.
“On how to get him.”
Uruha just smiled wickedly and replied.
“Oh, so it’s a him. And let me guess, it’s our beloved vocalist.”
Kai just blinked and asked:
“How did you know?”
“My secret, Uruha replied. If you want to get him, I think you should just confess. He’d probably surprise you.”
“Well, I’m not quite fond of surprises. And it really is too soon. He’s been struggling with something recently and I first have to find out with what.” Kai said.
“Really, Kai, have you thought about the fact that he might be struggling with his love for you, just like Aoi did?”
Kai thought a bit about that but then said, a tinge of sadness in his voice:
“He’s not Aoi, Uruha. And if it were like that he wouldn’t have gone to a motel with a hooker last night.”
Uruha didn’t reply at that. He seemed to be thinking hard, digesting the new information.
“Kai, let me ask you, you said that you fell in love today. Exactly what do you mean by that?” Aoi asked.
“Today he kissed me. It was only a chaste kiss, as you give between friends. He was worried about me I think and tried to reassure me. The result was completely different though. The moment I felt his lips on mine it was as if lightning struck me.” Kai admitted.
Uruha just said:
“Do you want us to help somehow? Maybe talk with him?”
“No, actually, I just need to figure out things myself.”
Kai stood up and after saying his goodbyes he left the apartment.
Title : Gentle embrace
Chapter : 4/?
Genre : romance, slight angst
Warnings: manXman love
Rating : PG-13, will change
Pairing: Uruha / Aoi, Ruki / Kai
Summary : Feelings can get stirred up quite easily sometimes, even by a band mate's radio show.
Notes: Hope you like it. This one is really long. I also hope I'll have plenty of comments to reply to (hugs).
Chapter 4
Kai was pacing back and forth in his apartment, wondering what he should do to capture his angel’s heart. It wasn’t an easy decision to make. First of all, Kai had never tried wooing a guy before, hadn’t even thought about it. It wasn’t easy for him to accept the fact that indeed Ruki was a guy and that he had fallen in love with him. Why so suddenly? They had been together for years and years and until now nothing like what he was feeling now had ever surfaced. Or had it? He had always taken special care of their little fur ball, always by his side if the little man came for help, secretly enjoying his pouts and sometimes non-sensical comments. Sure he loved to see Ruki smile, because when Ruki was happy it felt as if there was nothing wrong with the world…
When Kai thought about it, he realized that maybe, just maybe, he had seen Ruki as more than a friend all along and it just took that one kiss to awake those feelings.
But what about his girlfriends? He had truly cared for some of them, even imagined forming a family. Had he been deceiving himself all along?
Kai couldn’t answer that. And that wasn’t his problem now anyway. He wanted to find a way to make Ruki fall in love with him. And no matter how much he fretted he just came up with no reasonable ideas.
He didn’t think that Ruki would be especially delighted by a bouquet of flowers and a fancy dinner. He would probably be shocked as hell by it. Same went with the usual flattering. Sure he could try flirting. But Kai just felt that wasn’t enough. That would just be dismissed at friendliness. How did other people do this? Kai wondered exasperated.
And then he realized he could always ask a fellow comrade. Aoi and Uruha, he had never quite asked how they had got together… So Kai picked up the phone and first called Aoi.
“Aoi, how are you?”
“Fine, thanks. Just woke up. Since we didn’t have practice, me and Uruha decided to stay in bed until late…which would be long after noon in our cases. Why are you calling?”
“I’d like to talk to you and Uruha about something. Could I come by in like thirty minutes?”
“Is this serious, Kai-chan?”
“It is serious but it’s nothing to worry about. I’ll be there soon, ok?”
“Ok then, we’ll be waiting.”
About half an hour later, Kai was in Aoi and Uruha’s apartment, sipping a cup of tea wondering how to ask them. He didn’t have though too much time to think since Aoi and Uruha sat on the sofa in front of him and Aoi asked:
“So, Kai-chan, what can we help you with?”
“I know I usually don’t pry into your lives, but would you mind telling me how you got together? Each one his own version, from the beginning?”
“There’s no problem, Uruha replied, but you’re right, it is a bit strange for you to ask. Mind sharing the reason with us…”
Kai blushed a bit and as he was getting ready to explain, Aoi saved him.
“Maybe it’s better after all if you hear our stories and then you can decide if you want to share or not…you don’t have to if you don’t want to. We’ll understand. Guess I’ll be first then…It is kind of awkward to admit it all in front of Uruha though...”
At that, Uruha made a curious and amused face and said while grinning widely:
“Why, Aoi, you won’t lose your manliness you know…”
Aoi replied: “You tease…” And then started his story.
“I think I fell in love with him the first time I heard him play the guitar. It just took that one moment to decide the next long years of my life. I’m not a man of words, that’s Ruki’s part…but I just thought he looked like an angel with the sun shrouding him and his guitar in its light. His music just hit something deep inside my soul. His fingers playing the guitar, his body movements, the way his eyes shut when he was playing an especially hard part. I fell in love with everything about him. And then, we became friends. Or better said he became friends with me. I never saw him as a friend. But I kept my feelings to myself, out of fear that I’ll scare him away. Those were the longest years of my life. I loved him as a friend too, of course. It’s not like I only wanted his body or something. I loved his personality, his cheerfulness. Couldn’t quite understand his drinking habits though. (Aoi chuckled)
One day, I just couldn’t hold myself back. He just came to me after spending the night in a club. He was so tired and drunk that as soon as I opened my apartment doors he leaned on me. It was too much, all of the sudden, having the body of the one you love pressed against yours, wanting him with all your soul, so close and at the same time so far. I just wanted to hold him then. So I pulled him in an embrace. He simply relaxed in my arms so I led him to the bed, and cuddled together with him. The whole night, I didn’t let him go. I hated the very idea of the sun waking him up, waking me up from what seemed like a dream. And during the night he didn’t make a single try to push me away. He just cuddled closer in my embrace.
Over the next few months we went back to being friends. And the wound just became bigger. I just thought I’d never stop hurting. Every day I found a new thing about him that made me love him more. It got so painful at one point. Everyday, wanting to confess and holding back. And the fact that he had so many girlfriends and boyfriends, one after the other didn’t help. I asked him once, if he had ever been in love. He just replied in a joking tone that for the last years he’d been in love every day of his life. To me, that sounded like a joke, knowing about his seeming unending string of romances. I was wrong though. I should have seen it in his eyes then, probably.
And then, that Christmas, after you, Ruki and Reita went home, while cleaning a bit the mess left behind, he suddenly grabbed me from behind, turned me around and kissed me. I couldn’t even react. I was that shocked. When the kiss ended and he looked into my eyes I just couldn’t believe the emotions sparkling in them. And then he confessed. That night, when I could truly hold him in my arms for the first time, I thought I’d died and went to heaven. I still think like that…”
After saying the last words, Aoi looked into Uruha’s eyes and saw them shimmering. Kai himself was quite moved by what he had heard. He couldn’t imagine how Uruha must be feeling.
Uruha indeed felt as if his heart was breaking with love. He had known that Aoi had been in love with him a long time before they had gotten together but he never imagined for how long. At that moment, he felt a bit guilty for making Aoi wait so much and also so very thankful that Aoi hadn’t given up on him. So he bent slightly and gently kissed Aoi, opting to express through that one single act how he felt, knowing that Aoi understood. Kai loved seeing them together, so happy, so he just waited. After a few moments, Uruha broke the kiss, his cheeks a bit flushed and started his own story. Kai thought that it was more a confession to Aoi than a story meant for him.
“For me, I always saw him as a friend, or so I thought. I never suspected he had feelings for me. I wish he were less good at acting. I saw sadness shimmering in his eyes a lot of times when he looked at me but I just didn’t think hard about it I guess. If I asked him what was wrong he’d just deny that anything was wrong and that was it. He was my closest friend. I could tell him anything, share with him everything. I knew he’d always be there for me and I guess that was enough.
Until that one day when I came to his doorstep so drunk. That night I had felt so alone. The stress of the upcoming tour, another break up, my relationships never seemed to last, the fact that I had no one to love and love me, it just came all crashing on me one night so I drank until I almost passed out and came to him, my best friend, my shoulder to cry on. The thing is by the time I knocked at his door I had sobered up a bit. I think I’ve never told him that. (Uruha chuckled.) But when I saw him in the doorframe I just wanted someone to make it all go away so I leaned on him. He was my pillar after all.
The moment he embraced me was the moment my world turned upside down. We had hugged a lot of times before but I had never felt like that. It was as if with that one simple action he shrouded me from the world and the hurt. He was so warm, his body felt so good. I just felt right, at home, as if my very soul belonged there. So I just relaxed in his embrace. I was a bit surprised when he climbed into bed with me and didn’t release me, but I was also so happy. I truly felt loved. From that moment on, it was kind of a roller coaster of feelings. Every time I saw him, I just wanted to feel his body again, go to that warm place again, but I never felt like that when we hugged. Now I know he was holding back. But then, I wondered all the time why, why couldn’t I have that again? So I started watching him, truly listening to him. His every gaze, the way he caressed his guitar, his protective side, him when he was annoyed and raging. I followed him everywhere wanting to know more about him, as if wanting to have his soul. And that’s when I realized that most of the times he looked at me, he was sad, when we were together he didn’t quite let go. I was different from the others and it started hurting a bit. I wanted him to show to me the same sort of affection, even more actually. I started to think about how his lips would feel like, his touch, his voice in bed, his flustered face when being confessed to, and most of all, him telling me he loves me, claiming my very soul. The day I dreamt about him making love with me I knew I had fallen in love. So I basically just threw myself at him I guess. I’m not one to take no for an answer anyway and by then I already suspected that there was more to those embraces and gazes than mere friendship so that Christmas I just grabbed him, kissed him, and confessed.”
Kai was quite surprised at Uruha. He knew the man was forward but still…He was truly grateful to the two of them for sharing their stories, but he still hadn’t found the answers he needed. His and Ruki’s situation just felt different somehow. Although he seemed to have one common point with the two, he had also fallen in love quite unexpectedly and he imagined it would be a roller coaster of emotions from there on too. He was jolted out of his thoughts by Uruha.
“So, Kai, why did you ask us this?”
Kai didn’t even think about hiding the truth from them. It just didn’t feel right. So he just replied:
“I think I fell in love today. Actually, I don’t think. I know. And after hearing your stories I think I realized that I’ve been I love for a while, but just never bothered to notice. I thought that maybe I’d get some answers by coming here…”
“Answers to what, Kai?” Aoi asked.
Kai blushed a bit but then firmly stated.
“On how to get him.”
Uruha just smiled wickedly and replied.
“Oh, so it’s a him. And let me guess, it’s our beloved vocalist.”
Kai just blinked and asked:
“How did you know?”
“My secret, Uruha replied. If you want to get him, I think you should just confess. He’d probably surprise you.”
“Well, I’m not quite fond of surprises. And it really is too soon. He’s been struggling with something recently and I first have to find out with what.” Kai said.
“Really, Kai, have you thought about the fact that he might be struggling with his love for you, just like Aoi did?”
Kai thought a bit about that but then said, a tinge of sadness in his voice:
“He’s not Aoi, Uruha. And if it were like that he wouldn’t have gone to a motel with a hooker last night.”
Uruha didn’t reply at that. He seemed to be thinking hard, digesting the new information.
“Kai, let me ask you, you said that you fell in love today. Exactly what do you mean by that?” Aoi asked.
“Today he kissed me. It was only a chaste kiss, as you give between friends. He was worried about me I think and tried to reassure me. The result was completely different though. The moment I felt his lips on mine it was as if lightning struck me.” Kai admitted.
Uruha just said:
“Do you want us to help somehow? Maybe talk with him?”
“No, actually, I just need to figure out things myself.”
Kai stood up and after saying his goodbyes he left the apartment.