Gentle embrace- Aoi/Uruha, Ruki/Kai, Reita/Miyavi - Chapter 8
Chapter 8
Kai took a few moments to organize his mind and look at the beautiful creature that was clinging to him so sweetly right then. He couldn’t believe it was the same devil of a vocalist they had, looking so fragile like that. Because Kai knew Ruki was strong, he had character and he didn’t mind letting everyone know how he felt, even if that meant ignoring someone’s feelings and opinions in the process. So Kai was a bit weary about how Ruki would react. This whole conversation could be a bad idea, especially since right now, Kai felt that he was really close to sharing a real intimate moment with the one he loved. But the drummer knew that in a short time, when the atmosphere would be broken, Ruki might just run again. And he was sick of that. So Kai started:
“Ruki, I know there’s been something wrong with you lately. And I think it has something to do with me. Could you please tell me? I worry sick, you know, going to shady motels in the middle of the night, not knowing in what state you’re in…Please tell me.”
Ruki sighed and shut his eyes tighter. He couldn’t confess everything but he had to give an explanation. So he gathered all his strength and answered:
“What if I told you I’m thinking of getting married and quitting the band? Building a family…”
Kai was shocked, petrified. Not only was this completely different from anything he had been expecting but it was also breaking his heart into little microscopic pieces. When he answered, his voice was shaking.
“What are you talking about? Do you have a girlfriend that you love so much and have decided this? That I don’t know about? And how can you ever talk about quitting the band?”
Ruki heard the hurt in Kai’s voice, he lifted his eyes and sought the drummers and what he saw had him doubt his choice. Maybe he should confess instead of hurting Kai so much. It would be better if it were just he hurting. Kai’s eyes reflected so much sadness.
“Kai, what would you do if someone you love came along and asked you to give up one of two, the band or that love? Have you ever loved somebody that you’d give up everything for them?”
And while saying those words, Ruki knew that that was precisely what he felt for Kai. He’d give up his life for him if he had two. Being there, on his bed, in his embrace, was the last straw for Ruki to realize his feelings. Ruki loved Kai.
“Ruki, if someone loves you they would never make you give up something that they know means the world to you. For you, for any of us, giving up music would be like that. If you’re seeing now a girl that told you that, she doesn’t really love you. Love is about giving, in the first place, not creating stupid conditions, that’s what I believe. The person I love would never make me give up music because they love music as much as I do…”
Ruki’s breath hitched.
“The person you love? Is there someone like that in your life now, Kai?”
This was it, Kai thought. Maybe his one chance to steal Ruki’s heart away. He was still quite unsure if there was anyone in Ruki’s life though.
“Ru-chan, I asked first.”
Ruki bit his lip, lowered his eyes and confessed.
“Yes. My world has been turned around. That’s why I’ve been acting so weird lately.”
“But why? We’re your friends. You should be able to talk to us about anything.”
The words just slipped even though that was not what he had wanted to ask.
“What the hell?” Ruki snapped. The old Ruki seemed to have awoken from his trance. “So now, I can’t be myself and decide things for myself? Who do you think you are? It is my life and how I react is my fucking business!”
Ruki tried to get out of bed but he noticed he was naked and he preferred to just sit up, wrapped in the sheets.
“And why the hell am I naked?!” Ruki screamed again.
“Ru, please listen. If it’s about you leaving the band it concerns every one of us. I know that you don’t have to tell us about personal stuff. But don’t you think that we’ll get hurt if you don’t tell us about big things like getting a wife and starting a family? I, for one, am hurt Ruki.”
Kai could barely contain his voice now. He was desperately clutching the sheets. Ruki could see and feel that and realized he had screwed up again. But still, he had one doubt left so he just asked, without raising this voice this time.
“But Kai-chan, aren’t you thinking about this? Isn’t there someone you want to form a family with? You said so during the interview.”
Kai blinked and he took a few seconds to recover. He had no idea where this was coming from. The radio interview…he remembered saying something about marriage but…how had this turned about him? So he had no choice but to honestly answer for now.
“There is no woman in my life now Ruki. Of course I’d like a family but you know, a family is a place where your heart is, and for now it’s with this band. What about you? You said you loved someone though? Was this all just about you sulking about me having a fictive girlfriend and not telling you about it or is there really a partner in your life?”
Kai was waiting, praying that the answer wouldn’t be “yes”. Ruki smiled gently. There was no woman in his life, for now. But that didn’t mean he had any hopes. But treating Kai like this was wrong so he would just answer honestly and leave the rest in God and time’s hands.
“Yes, I love someone so much it hurts. But it’s only one-sided. There’s no chance they’d ever look at me. So I have decided to just forget. I’m sorry for making you worry.”
It could have been worse, Kai thought. He still had a chance but he didn’t know if he should confess now or wait for time to heal Ruki’s wounds a little bit.
“You know, Ruki, I’m pretty sure that next to you is someone that loves you so much that your pain would go away with that love’s help.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. I just want one person now, no one else.”
Ruki just got up with the sheet wrapped around him tightly and went to the bathroom where his clothes lied scattered.
Kai was also a little sad, but still hopeful. He was a man so he wasn’t gonna start crying from what sounded like a rejection even though he wanted to. Kai was a man, so he just grit his teeth and punched the bedroom wall, cursing. From now on, he could really start his plan to seduce Ruki. Going out doing stuff the vocalist liked, spending time together, getting Ruki out of his depression, and then a romantic confession. That would probably work, Kai thought. After all, you fight fire with fire and he was sure that his love’s fire could extinguish all else. So he got up too and went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast.
Ruki felt a little more at ease. At least now there was no reason to sulk in front of Kai. If he loved him, that was his own problem. No reason to make a fuss about it. He’d just act like normal; the way Kai would like it.