A Person He Used to Hate [1/2]
Title: A Person He Used to Hate. Used to.
Chapters: 1/2
Author: yumemirunosekai
Pairing: Kame/Ueda (KameDa),
Rating: PG
Warnings: swearing, slight AU, quotes
Synopsis: "And shall we start from here, the new days? We throw away everything, We are not afraid of anything, We can be sparkling, shining stars" - LINDA
A/N: This is an AU drabble/oneshot, but is based off a collection of quotes from the Gazette, my fave VK band. Why have I suddenly decided to base things and situations on them? Well, Beautiful Deformity os about to be released, so I am super exited. Anyway, this is about the formation of KAT-TUN, but with slight twists here and there. No worries, there will be no het pairings here XD I'm almost done with Chapter 5 of Idiosyncrasy, but I just found that the content might be too offensive, so I'm editing it. Might take awhile, so enjoy this while waiting. I did this in the holidays, another free type, but I didn't think to post it yet until now ^.
"Why do humans fight each other, when we are all the same?" - Saraba
///
"Oi! Knobbly knees! Where're ya crutches?!"
It is a normality. So common that Ueda ignores it. The jibe isn't directed at him, but at that thin kid living next door. Ueda can't care less about what happens to him. In fact he finds the kid annoying, an irritating itch he longs to scratch away.
What is his name again? Tame? Kame? Something, Ueda isn't exactly sure. The only reason Ueda can somewhat recall it is because it reminds him of a turtle.
Kamenashi Kazuya.
That's right. The name leaves a foreign taste in his mouth. It's alien and Ueda hates it. He can see Kamenashi's bony structure, so thin that Ueda notices the high cheekbones and sharp shoulder blades sticking out at odd angles like abnormal tumours.
He's weak. Not a question, but a fact.
"Knobbly knees! Why don'tcha get a wheelchair! One day your legs are gonna break off!"
He never fights the insults. Ueda thinks he is stupid and slow because of this. He longs to walk up and tell him to grow a pair. Kamenashi looks at the ground, strands of hair fall into his pallid face. He takes the sharp words that were aimed to hurt, to scar, and tucks it away behind a façade of indifference and quite acceptance. Swallows them like a good little kid. He is a good kid after all. A complete opposite to himself.
Ueda finds Kamenashi's blank expression annoying. It is like a mask he tries to plaster on to hide what he really thinks, and it is infuriating, so much so that he slips, and the words leave his lips before he can stop himself and snaps, "Leave him alone."
This immediately catches the attention of the bullies as well as Kamenashi's, and Ueda suddenly feels like he's being scrutinised under a particularly large microscope. He hates it, that's why he never involves himself with other people's business.
"Shut up, mommy's boy!"
Ueda can feel his restraint snapping. He wants to hit this person. Hit him until he begs at his feet.So he does.
There is the feeling of pain as well as the familiar thrum of exhilaration. Ueda always feels that way in fights. Then he hears screams and can feel hands prying that him, trying to unwind his fists that are constantly raining down on the boy beneath him. Ueda knows he can win. He is stronger after all. He thinks his mother must have seen him. He hates being called a 'mommy's boy'. Many kids call him that. So what if his family is wealthy? So what if he's always being wrapped, packaged, and shipped off to countless extracurricular classes? So what if his mother always fusses over him? He didn't ask for it. Did that make him a mommy's boy? Ueda doesn't think so.
It irks him somehow, when he finally can see straight, and not the red that is now pouring out of the kid's nose, or the white hot rage that seems to eat at him so very easily, that the person that removes him from atop his prey is none other that the scrawny brat that got him in this mess in the first place. Ueda shrugs him off rudely. Kamenashi doesn't seem to notice, instead his smiles, and Ueda can feel his stomach flipping over and his throat burring, as though he swallowed a mouthful of broken glass.
"Wipe that off you face, you idiot."
Kamenashi's smile trembles, just a bit, but doesn't fall. "Thank you." he says, and Ueda thinks that he might hate him even more now.
///
"When you're alive, dissatisfaction is unavoidable." - Ruki
///
It's hot and Ueda's hungry. Starving is more like it. He is always snappy when he is hungry. Being crammed in a stuffy studio along with forty or so other boys was not his ideal way of spending his weekend. The ventilation is poor, and the boys are loud and noisy. Ueda wonders how long it would take before he explodes, the claustrophobic environment successfully pushing all his buttons at once.
It has been a month since he was accepted into Johnny's, and the excitement and thrill of being one of the select ones to make it in is wearing off, morphing into the degenerative feeling of releasing that he is but an insignificant dot on a page full of other similar insignificant dots. They are all mashed together and the end result is that nothing can be seen. Who can ever notice him in this minefield? Who will?
If that was not the worst that could happen, he could hear the annoyingly high pitched voice of Kamenashi Kazuya from the other end of the room -the only insignificant dot that seemed to become more significant as the days passed- talking earnestly to some other kid called Akanishi something. Ueda didn't bother to remember his name properly.
Kamenashi doesn't approach him, and he doesn't approach him. Timid glances flicker to him from time to time, and Ueda pointedly ignores them. He didn't want to associate himself with Kamenashi in any way. He is sure - no, positive - that the scrawny brat would bring nothing but more trouble. So when Kamenashi earns the praise and -almost- full attention of their instructor, Ueda is fine with it. He doesn't care what happens to Kamenashi. Let him be the top dog, as long as he doesn't involve himself with Ueda, he's just peachy.
Ueda is fine with it. He is just fucking fine with it.
///
"In order to change, change." - Uruha
///
Ueda tries. He really does, but what is the use of trying when the person who doesn't try seem to triumph over those who do?
"Why can't you do it?"
It was an innocent question, uttered by that annoying rat. Sometimes Ueda can't help but think that Kamenashi is like a persistent rat, burrowing into other people, crawling under their skin and biting holes in their shields, with his nose always sniffing and prodding into business that didn't concern him at all.
"Shut up."
"But it's easy! I could help you if-"
"Listen, fuck off, Kamenashi. I don't what to hear it from you."
Kamenashi clamps his lips shut and glares at Ueda. The tension between them is suffocating, and everyone, up to the topmost places in management knows that Ueda Tatsuya and Kamenashi Kazuya never get along. Ueda thinks that its stupid, and if everyone knows he hates Kamenashi's guts, why lump them together? It hardly made sense to him, and Ueda wanted to laugh when he heard the name of their to-be-band.
'KAT-TUN'
It is uttered with a mocking tone in his mind. What the hell did that even mean? All Ueda can see now is five insignificant black dots crowded around a dot that gained the ability to peel itself off the page, morphing into something that shines brighter than the rest, swallowing them up it its sharp glow. Ueda isn't going to be the support pole for Kamenashi, and over his dead body will he ever accept him.
Ueda tries once more. He spins, and stumbles. A string of well practised curses flow from his slips, earning him looks of disapproval from his instructor and sniggers from the people watching. Kamenashi is the only one who doesn't snicker; the only one who doesn't laugh behind a raised hand. In fact, he isn't smiling at all.
"Try changing the way you look at it. You see the choreography like its an enemy or something."
There he goes again. Didn't the idiot get the hint? He tunes out Kamenashi's annoying nasally voice, and focuses blankly on his moving lips. Kamenashi had thin lips, thinks Ueda. They are unimpressive, but nicer than his own, at any rate. He partially registers Kamenashi waving a hand in front of his face.
Ueda gets up and walks away leaving Kamenashi to call uselessly after him. Screw the choreography. Ueda hates it, and he won't deny that that is truly the way he sees it. An enemy. Kamenashi embraces it like it's a friend, perhaps that's why he can do it, executing the moves perfectly to the time of the beat. Ueda laughs out loud when he releases he is thinking about Kamenashi being 'flawless'. Sure his motions may be free from imperfections, but Kamenashi himself is anything but pretty.
Ueda doesn't realise he bumped into someone until the person grips his upper arm roughly.
"What are you supposed to say when you mindlessly slam headfirst into your superiors?"
Ueda grits his teeth. Ryo Nishikido never fails to turn up at the most unpleasant of times. Ueda doesn't feel like dealing with his insults at the moment. He was tired and on edge, and all he wanted was for people to leave him alone.
"Are you listening to me?"
Someone had better get Nishikido away from him. Now, or so help him, Ueda will tear the bastard a new one. It's difficult to tune out someone's voice when they are purposely blaring straight into your ear. Ueda wonders how long he had been clenching his fists, when a calloused hand tugs at his arm. It is rough, but gentle, a stark contrast to Nishikido's smooth yet harsh hands. "Go away, Nishikido." The voice that reaches his ears is twice as annoying as Ryo's, but Ueda allows the person to lead him away. Again. Kamenashi just had to butt in. Again.
When Nishikido was out of earshot, Ueda yanked his arm away from Kamenashi, eyes flashing dangerously. "Are you a stalker or something? Or are you just so dense you can't take hint?"
Kamenashi is silent. He doesn't retaliate, nor does he glare. Instead he watches Ueda will a tentative expression that once again give him the hair raising feel of been closely scrutinised like an abnormal specimen in a jar.
"For the last time, I don't want your help, and nor do I need it, so kindly do me a favour and get lost."
Ueda turns his back on Kamenashi and walks away. It is not until he is a certain distance from him that Kamenashi speaks, and when he does, his voice is different from before. It isn't the annoying, high pitched screech that Ueda had grown to loathe in those years they lived next to each other; it is soft, and has a slight tremor in it that reverberates through the empty corridor.
"Why do you hate me so much?"
Ueda doesn't know how to respond to this. So he does the wisest thing he can think of and leaves without a word.
///
Then came the straw that broke the camel's back.
"Maybe you can do it, but I can't!"
Ueda hopes he broke Kamenashi's nose. He is still struggling when Nakamaru pries him away from Kamenashi. Ueda can't see straight. It was as though someone had painted his world bright red, and he can hear the blood pounding in his ears. He shrugs off Nakamaru's arm, and exits the room, remembering to slam the door behind him.
Fuck Kamenashi.
Why did he just have to go out of his way to pick at Ueda's insecurities? Ueda tries. He really fucking tries. The Ueda wonders if it counts as 'hate' if you try your best to live up to someone's standards, hoping that one day he'd be on par with him, because in all honesty, that is all Ueda wants: to be level with that annoying, scrawny, brat that is Kamenashi.
///
Ueda stands in front of KAT-Tun's fans. He hates MCs, and now he has to give one on his own.
His thoughts are disorganised, and so he starts blurting out nonsense - or so he thinks - and is horrified when he feels all his insecurities spilling forth like water out of a burst dam. He feels so vulnerable under the sharp glare of the stage lights bouncing off his bright blond hair. He thinks of Kamenashi, and the dam bursts. Kamenashi, who supposed to be the weak, insecure one. The one who supposed to be scrawny, annoying, and persistent. The one who he supposed to hate.
Did this count as an apology? But why should he apologise? Kamenashi was the one who opened his big fat mouth in the first place. But Ueda is the strong one, not Kamenashi, and so he allows the dam to spill over, and when he does, he feels like part of a weight is lifted from his shoulders. The rest it is gone when he hears the fans scream and pattering footsteps behind him. He feels a thin, bony arm encircle his shoulders and pulls him into an awkward hug. Ueda seals his eyes shut as he feels his head pressed into a bony neck, and can smell a district smell that he knows is Kamenashi.
Before Kamenashi pulls away as the tune for 'Best Friends' play, Ueda feels his breath tickle his ear as Kamenashi whispers with a tremor in his soft voice, almost overpowered by the blare of the music, but Ueda still hears it.
"Do you still hate me, Tat-chan?"
And Ueda fumbles to sing his line when the music finally plays, and immediately, there is the change he is searching for.
///
"Wouldn't you regret it if you just gave up without trying anything?
Therefore, I think it's better to take action than to regret things later." -Ruki
///
Kamenashi's abrupt question sticks to him like an irritating rash, a rash he desperately wants to scratch, but worsens every time he does, so Ueda ignores it, but the prickling feeling is hard to disregard. It dogs him up to the point of KAT-TUN's debut, and even then it persisted, only to suddenly become more severe when Akanishi announces of his leaving KAT-TUN. At this point, Ueda wonders if he should just let everything go to hell, seeing that their singles sales were dropping drastically. As much as he pride hated to admit, Kamenashi and Akanishi were the weights that balanced the scale which is KAT-TUN, Akanishi on one side, and Kamenashi on the other.
AkaKame.
But Ueda could see the scale slowly, gradually tipping to one side - Kamenashi's side - as his popularity soars, and this seems to result in drama upon drama to rain down on him until the balance is completely thrown off, with Kamenashi bearing the full burnt of the fame and attention.
Gokusen
Tatta Hitotsu Koi
Humanoid Monster Bem
Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge
Ueda lost count of it after awhile. He still hates Kamenashi, or that is what he likes to tell himself. Ever since The Fight, and then The Apology back when they were juniors, Ueda had decided to tolerate Kamenashi. He never answered Kamenashi's question, and Kamenashi in turn, never asked again.
"Do you still hate me, Tat-chan?"
"'Tat-chan.'"
It resonated in Ueda's head like a rearing beast, demanding attention. Quashing the bubbling thoughts, Ueda leans forward to rest his chin on his knuckles as he stared - no, glared at the TV screen. He was watching the last episode of Yamato Nadeshiko Shichi Henge - the mushy scene where Kyouhei confesses his undying love for Sunako, hugging her and then kissing her, much to Ueda's distaste - and felt like he would throw up.
Ueda hated Kame's dramas, well, mostly the ones which involves the latter hugging, holding, and then kissing the female protagonist. He watches as Kyouhei distracts Sunako with a skull, trapping her using her weakness before planting those annoyingly plump lips, so different from when they were teenagers, on her pale ones. Something prickles up his spine, and his hands automatically curl into fists. Scratch that, Ueda definitely hated the dramas which involved those three steps carried out in said order, or any other arrangement at all. In short, Ueda hated all Kamenashi's stupid love dramas. Sometimes, he wonders if jealousy had anything to do with it, but finds this almost laughable, seeing that logic states that it is impossible to be jealous over someone you hate.
Well, screw logic, thinks Ueda.
///
Part 2