Shades of Blue (Sakumoto)

[lilly0]

Title: Shades of Blue
Pairing: Sakumoto
Rating: PG-13
Beta: ivenclaire
Genre: romance, AU (in which Ohno is an artist, and Sho can paint too)
Summary: It's a coincidence that Sho, the famous wealthy art collector, discovers the new and talented artist Ohno Satoshi, and decides to become his patron by supporting him and buying his pictures. Shades of Blue is the first one he falls in love with. It's also a coincidence that Sho seems to be drawn to this young man, Ohno tends to paint sometimes. Always his back, never his face. Pictures, so full of emotions, hidden melancholy and atmosphere that Sho just has to finde out who this man is....
Note: Requested by harunomasu. I hope you'll like this. This story kinda developed its own life :D

Sho will always remember the first time he saw him. Always. It’s so surreal that it feels like a dream.

It’s during a convention Sho, as an established artist and wealthy art collector, has to visit. No choice in that case. He has to show his face in such occasions sometimes, no matter if he likes it or not.

It’s basically all about artists that only recently started their careers or graduated.

Ohno Satoshi is one of those up and rising artists who normally doesn’t really catch Sho’s attention. He has had enough of them, really - most of them copy a certain style or force themselves to do tons of political statements with their pictures. While Sho has nothing against social or political statements, he hates it when it’s used as a selling point and not coming from heart. Most of these artists lose their inspiration, their style on their way and get swallowed by the mass.

When Sho walks through the exhibition, he has the same feeling all over again. Nice, but nothing special. It’s all the same. It’s nothing new anymore. They paint what they paint only because society wants them to. Sho can tell if someone is really convinced by the theme of his or her pictures and draws it out of his or her personal will or just goes with the flow. These ones, unfortunately, all belong to the last category. Even worse, some of them would actually be really talented, but it’s completely in vain like this.

He is about to flee to the toilet just to escape the boredom when he passes a smaller hall. There it seems are the paintings the organizers of the exhibition didn’t want to be seen first, mainly because they didn’t force an agenda.

Sho looks around a bit, then he sees it. A huge picture, presented in the middle of the room - it must have been an art lover within the organizers who put it there, lit it perfectly, saw its worth - it’s painted in melancholic blue colours, all kind of different shades of blue, and in the picture is a young man, sitting at the edge of a bathtub, fingers dangling in the water. He is naked, only loosely wrapped in a towel, but only shown from behind. It’s a nude portrait it seems, but still it’s not posed. It’s more like a momentum, a glimpse of the moment, a picture taken of a person letting his guard down, showing vulnerability. The man’s back is slightly hunched over, he seems to be thinking, pondering. Is he sad? He doesn’t seem to be happy, does he? It’s like the picture shows a glimpse into his soul - showing fears and doubts with only painting the back of a person.

The guy in this picture has a soul. The picture itself has a soul. Sho’s eyes wander over the description. There is none - another interesting fact that gets Sho’s interest. There is no explanation that tells him who this man is, what the picture means - his imagination is left alone, just like it should be. There is only the basic information.

Title: Shades of Blue or Man from behind
Artist: Ohno Satoshi, 35 y. New freelance artist.

Below is the price of the painting. It’s pretty high, but Sho knows he has to have it.

~~~

From then on he buys all pictures Ohno Satoshi makes from this male model, and also some of his other paintings because this Ohno Satoshi has talent and Sho sincerely likes his paintings. Unfortunately, he never paints the man’s face, never shows it. It’s always only his back, or his face hidden in the shadows.

Shades of blue is hanging in Sho’s salon right now, so that he can see it every day and dwell in the wonderful colours, the perfect accurate choice of pencil and shading and the depth of the feelings in it.

All of Ohno’s pictures are like that, but this here owns Sho’s heart. And sometimes he finds himself just staring at it, looking at the man in the picture, trying to imagine how his face might look like, how his voice might sound, the thoughts that are swirling around in his head while he is sitting there at the edge of the bathtub. What was he thinking? Feeling? What did he feel in exactly that moment? How could Ohno grasp so many emotions at once?

Even though he wholeheartedly believes in Ohno’s talent, Sho didn’t believe that he would be able to paint another genius painting like Shades of blue. A painting with a soul. A painting that is not only wonderful, but will make Sho dwell in all kind of feelings and question every inch of the model’s body and feelings, want to know every part of it.

Then however, Ohno produces Reflection. And this time, Sho doesn’t only want to know every part of the model’s feelings… no, he wants much more. He wants to act, to react, wrap his arms around this beautiful man. His heart skips a beat every time he sees the picture.

It’s a painting set at the beach, at early night when the darkness is not yet lingering all around, but it’s approaching. The man stands in front of the ocean - again only painted from behind, waves washing over his feet. The ocean is already dark blue, almost black, while in the far distance, there is still some light. From behind the man, the shadow of the night approaches, soon going to swallow him up.

It’s so strong and so full of emotions that Sho doesn’t want to just buy it. He wants the whole world to see it. Hence, he purchases it and puts it in an exhibition he himself co-organises. It’s an exhibition for well-established painters, those with a name - presenting a newcomer is unusual. But Sho does it, and with that the media gets interested too. There is a double spread in an established daily newspaper about the new artist Ohno Satoshi, the one discovered by the wealthy art lover and famous Sakurai Sho-san. Also, some art magazines catch up. The infamous, powerful Sakurai-sama has never chosen a new artist like this, he has never acted as a patron and mentor to one. This is new, this is interesting, and the whole world of art is basically upside down.

This is when Ohno’s manager calls - voice shaking slightly because quite obviously he was successful in managing his newcomer artist - to voice his sincere gratitude.  And Sho - naturally - does what every mentor would do: he invites Ohno and his manager to his next party.

“But we’ll never be able to repay your kindness,” Ohno’s manager - a certain Aiba Masaki -  says.

“It’s not kindness,” Sho explains calmly. “I’ve found an artist I’m very much interested in. I want to see him shine. I discovered him - I won’t let anyone else introduce him to this world!”

At that, Aiba-san laughs happily. “So, it’s give and take?”

“Exactly.” Sho smiles. “When you come, please don’t forget to somewhat comply to the dress code. You don’t need to wear a suit and a tie - I’m wearing a pair of jeans myself - but at least look nicely dressed.”

Aiba chuckles. “How did you know that Oh-chan is mostly running around in his messy jeans and huge shirts?”

“A feeling,” Sho grins and remembers how he himself started out in younger years. “But he might be able to make new contacts here, find sponsors for projects and alike. So I wouldn’t want him to ruin it by looking like a mess. This world is surprisingly superficial.”

“Mhm,” Aiba seems to agree. “I know.”

~~~

Sho has decided to go for a simple cocktail party. He has organized a barkeeper and a nice restaurant provides them with a cold, delicious, but not too over the top fancy buffet. As usual, there are some renowned artists coming, some of their managers and quite some art collectors, sponsors, art lovers and mentors. Most of these people Sho knows since quite a long time - they share business contacts and loose friendships, they talk about art and work together sometimes. He likes some of them, but within them, there is only one person Sho actually calls his best friend.

“Please tell me you also have beer around,” Nino sighs. “I hate those fancy cocktails.”

Sho grins. “Help yourself. Kitchen. But don’t let the others see.”

Nino chuckles. “Sure.”

Nino is a part-time artist, as he calls himself. A skilled piano player who composes some songs here and there for bigger artists. Most of the time he is plotting business strategies and managing others though. A man with a snarky tongue and a sharp mind but with a kind soul as well.

When he found out about Sho’s newly found interest in anything Ohno Satoshi paints, he just took it without any snarky remark, which means a lot actually, probably because he knew that Sho was being sincere about it. “That Ohno is actually good,” he said when Sho showed him Shades of Blue for the first time.

Normally, Nino would stay away from such gatherings. This time though, he joined. Out of curiosity - at least that’s been his explanation towards Sho.

“Show me that Ohno-guy and his manager once they are here,” he says when he returns with his beer. “I can’t wait to know what kind of guys they are.”

Sho is a man with a vivid imagery when it’s about art, but not when it’s about people. He didn’t have an image of Ohno Satoshi, the person, in his mind. All he was and is interested in is him as an artist and the pictures he produces. The nicer is the surprise when he sees that man with his manager for the first time.

Ohno Satoshi seems to be nice and friendly. Rather small and fragile of built, he has a typical unworldly, naïve air about him and that composed look on his face. His manager seems to be a kind guy too, always a smile on his lips and a supportive word.

“I thought it would be more fun to meet them,” Nino whispers towards Sho when they engulf in a talk with Ohno and Aiba. “But these two are almost too nice.” He coughs slightly and turns towards the two guests. “I’m getting you something to drink while you talk with Sho-kun. Martini?”

“Yes, please,” Sho says.

When Aiba wants to politely decline, Nino grins. “Believe me, you’ll need it in this gathering. Everyone with a meaningful name is gathered here today.”

Aiba blushes slightly. “Well, then,” he mumbles. “At least let me help you get the drinks.”

With that the both of them disappear, and Sho is alone with Ohno. So he does the obvious: shows him around. It’s when they pass the salon that Ohno halts in surprise. “It’s here,” he whispers in shock. “I mean, you really have put my pictures up.”

“Of course I did,” Sho smiles. “Why should I buy them if not to show them? There is also your signature and name next to them of course.”

“Hm~” Ohno tilts his head, his gaze shifting from Reflection to Shades of Blue to Reflection. “I just didn’t expect them to be placed in such a fancy place. I mean, it’s the salon.”

“They are worth it,” Sho explains. “There is no other place to present them perfectly.” For a moment they are both quiet, then Sho finally gives in to his curiosity.  “Who is the man?” Sho points at the pictures. “The young man you tend to paint sometimes.”

“Why are you asking?” Ohno wants to know, his voice openly curious.

“There is something about him,” Sho explains quietly. “Something I had once but lost long ago. He makes me remember. You paint him with so much depth.”

“Jun.” Ohno says after a while, much to Sho’s surprise. “His name is Jun.”

“A male model?”

“No,” Ohno smiles. “A friend. My best friend next to Masaki-kun I would say.”

“And-“ Sho pauses, not sure how to voice his question. “-who is he?” he finally asks, still not content with his choice of words.

But Ohno just smiles widely. “I’ve known him since he was a teenager. He is a few years younger, Oh, and he writes.”

“Writes?”

“Mhm,” Ohno nods. “Poems.”

Sho sighs slightly. “I would love to meet him.”

“Why?” Now there is clear surprise in Ohno’s voice.

“He obviously inspires you,” Sho says. “And you inspire him. All your pictures are brilliant, but the ones with him in it are genius. There is something you capture when he is in the picture. It’s not only the slight melancholy, there is more to it. You could say-“ Sho chuckles. “-I’m curious what it is.”

“Well, meeting him is not that difficult,” Ohno explains with a soft smile on his lips. “He is living at the beach side. I told you, he is a writer. He has a little cottage there, writes his poems and sometimes he rents rooms to guests. Why don’t you visit him?”

“Is that really okay?” Sho dares to ask. “I mean, he is your friend and all, aren’t you questioning my motives?”

“Not really,” Ohno says calmly. “I can tell when a person’s motives are good or bad. There is nothing bad about you.  Allow me just one question…”

“Of course, ask.”

“What is it - the thing you lost once and sees in Jun?” Ohno wants to know.

Sho has to swallow at that question. He hasn’t expected that artist with the sleepy eyes and dozing-off aura around him to catch every word he said. “I-“ he pauses. “A feeling,” he finally explains. “It’s a feeling. A certain vibe. I knew someone who had that same feeling about him. I never thought I would see a similar aura in a person again.” He points at the picture. “He has it. And I just wondered if I can find my own lost emotions again.”

“Matsumoto.”

“Hm?” Sho blinks.

“His full name is Matsumoto Jun. The name of his cottage is Ame. Cliché, I know, but it fits the place.”

Sho smiles carefully, not sure what to make out of the emotions that are flooding him now. This Ohno is nice, probably too nice for some of the sharks outside in this world. He should definitely watch out well over him. “You said, you know a person’s motive once you see them?”

“Yes.”

“Some of these guys-“ He points outside where groups of people are talking to each other. “-are very good in hiding it. Your manager might want to consult with my friend - Ninomiya - just to be certain and on the safe side. Nino-kun is a wicked genius.”

“Is it really okay?” Ohno blushes. “I mean, you’ve done enough for me. I-“

“It is!” Sho interrupts him. “I told Aiba-san before. It is mutual. After all, I love your work too and my ego is pretty happy that I found you.”

Ohno smiles. “So, it is. Be careful when you meet with Jun. He works at daytime, and can be pretty moody. It’s best to visit him on a Saturday or Sunday afternoon.”

“You’re not saying anything like: Be nice to him?” Sho jokes.

Ohno grins wickedly. “I think I should rather tell him to be nice, Sakurai-san,” he chuckles. “Be careful not to get bitten.”

~~~

Sho decides to rent a room in Matsumoto Jun’s cottage for a whole weekend. He isn’t quite sure what he really wants to achieve by seeing and meeting this guy. After months of staring at his pictures though, he just knows he has to see him.

He was afraid at first. Afraid that seeing this Matsumoto Jun, that knowing who he is, how his voice sounds like, how his face looks like, the expressions he makes when he is talking, the way his eyes will change when being angry, the way his face changes when he is smiling… he was afraid that all these knowledge will take away the charm and the magic from the man he saw in Ohno’s pictures.

Now Sho knows he can rest assured because Matsumoto has many shades of colours painting him. It starts with the edgy face, the lips that can turn into a rare dazzling smile, the dark eyes with so much depth to them, the long fingers… up to the way his voice could drip with snarky sarcasm, the way his face is graced by a soft smile when he talks about his friends, how it lights up then. The sudden seriousness, the hint of sadness sometimes. And then, the composed, almost indifferent expression that’s so much like a mask that Sho knows he has to try to rip it off because the man hidden beneath it is wonderful the way he is.

It is all there, and way more alluring than Sho expected.

The only thing that stays a secret is the melancholy about Matsumoto when Ohno Satoshi painted him, because Sho can see many things in him now, but there is not that broken, heavy atmosphere around him. He wonders what it is that Ohno sees in this man to make him paint him like he does.

I should tell him to be nice, Ohno said back then. And when Jun puts a plate of cookies in front of Sho with a snotty and moody “Here.”, Sho kinda understands what he meant.

Sho has to laugh, eager to rip this indifferent, cool mask down from Jun. The one that puts a blank, serious and fake expression on his face - the one he shouldn’t be wearing because he is obviously fine the way he is. Beautiful and wild and stunning - he shouldn’t hide. It’s surprisingly easy for Sho to do that though. After half an hour, Jun’s finally loosening up… in his very own way.

“What?” Jun huffs while he angles for his little notebook and a pen.

“All of Ohno-san’s friends seem to be unique,” Sho grins. “I’m not disappointed.”

“Jeez, now I’m relieved,” Jun’s voice is dripping with sarcasm and a teasing smile graces his lips.

“What are you currently writing?” Sho asks randomly as Jun takes the pen in his hands. When Jun throws him a glare, Sho can’t help a grin… and tickle some more interesting expressions out of this Jun. “Can I have a look.”

“No,” Jun answers and sounds unsurprisingly hostile.

Sho laughs brightly. “You are cute,” he says and he means it. His heart even makes a little excited jump every time he looks into Jun’s beautiful eyes.

Jun blinks and puts the pen aside. “You can’t be serious.”

“You know,” Sho smiles. “I’m an artist too. I also have my very own way of reading people.”

Jun looks at him for a while. This time there is neither this indifferent coldness in his eyes nor the biting sarcasm. He looks a lot more vulnerable all of a sudden, more open. “Two hours,” he says.

“Hm?” Sho blinks.

“Give me two hours to finish my poem. Then we can go for a walk at the beach.”

This surprises Sho. He hasn’t expected Jun to change his approach so suddenly, but apparently, something Sho did during the last hours seemed to be right.

~~~

The sun is slowly setting when they walk along the beach. It’s too cold for a bath already and the sea is getting rougher every day. Weirdly enough, the imagery reminds Sho of Jun. It’s weird though, because apparently, Ohno sees something completely different in him.

“Sho-san,” Jun says after a while. Sho has successfully forced his first name on him, happy to also see a hint of embarrassment in Jun’s eyes. He is so cute, really. “You are always looking at me like you are searching for something.”

“I’m searching for Shades of Blue,” Sho answers honestly. “And Reflection.”

“So you aren’t happy with what you see?” Jun analyses and Sho isn’t quite sure if he sounds pissed or not.

“No, that’s not it. In fact, you surprised me a lot. It just seems that you show Ohno-kun something you don’t show others.” Sho sighs. “I almost wish you would let me paint you.”

“That’s impossible.” Jun smiles.

“Why?”

“Because Satoshi-kun is the only one I allow to paint me. He is the only one who can.”

Before Sho can even voice anything about this weird statement, Jun grabs his arm and tugs him along with a beaming smile on his face. “Come, you need to see more of this place!”

Sho is surprised at how this guy is able to switch his emotions so swiftly. He can’t help but smile though, and lets Jun tug him along. The place is really beautiful, Jun is right. It’s a wild and private place, with no people around except the ones occasionally staying at Jun’s cottage or living in this area. There are weirdly shaped rocks all around the beach and the sand is almost white, sometimes covered with seaweed. There are tiny crabs crawling over the wet stones here and there, while the waves wash over the beach strongly. At one point, Jun and Sho both take their shoes off and walk through the water barefoot. It’s actually too cold to do that, but Sho gets swept along by Jun’s sudden youthful energy. At one point, Jun even excitedly grabs Sho’s hand. Sho doesn’t fight it, instead, he wraps his fingers around Jun’s surprisingly warm hand and smiles a bit.

~~~

Sho stares down at his fingers. He is enjoying a warm bath. After their walk, he felt cold, and Jun had shown him the beautiful, huge bath leading outside.

During this evening, he went through several weird emotions and scenes. The last one resulting in holding hands with Jun, like it’s the most natural thing to do. And maybe it was - the most natural thing to do.

Just…

Only Satoshi is allowed to paint me.

What did he mean? Why? Why is only Ohno allowed to paint Jun?  When Jun said it, Sho had finally seen it. This hint of melancholy he was looking for. But it was only a tiny moment, and soon, Jun was back to behaving like the rough sea.

“Mind if I join you?”

Sho’s head snaps up. He hasn’t even realized that Jun came into the bath too. Rough sea, for sure.

No, Sho doesn’t mind Jun joining him. The bath is big enough and he enjoys his company. It’s been long that Sho actually felt so comfortable and alive around someone. But when Jun undresses, showing him his toned body, Sho gets the feeling that it’s harder to breathe. Jun’s abs are not as prominent as Sho’s, still, he has a slender body, muscles running through it and making it look flexible and muscular. “You are searching for something again,” Jun says.

“Blame me,” Sho snorts. “Quit the show.”

Jun pulls an eyebrow up. “Show?”

“Yes,” Sho says, voice getting more serious now. “You are pulling off a show. And while it’s been interesting before, it’s getting annoying now.”

“Why do you think it’s a show?” Jun wants to know.

“I told you, I have a good eye.”

“Hm~” Jun hums. “What do you want me to be then?”

“How about you?”

Jun laughs slightly and his eyes open up miraculously, open like a door. He steps into the water too now.  “I’ve been surprisingly a lot me today. Too much actually.”

For a moment it’s silent between them. Sho wonders how it can be that the Jun Ohno painted and the one he met in real life are so different. But maybe he needs to paint his own Jun, see him with his own eyes. Not a show, Jun said? Well- Sho reaches out his hand. “Come here.”

Jun smiles slightly and there is a hint of red on his cheeks. Cute. He is so freaking cute. Sho wraps his arms around Jun’s body “You are cute,” Sho mumbles into the nape of his neck. “I thought you would be different, but I like that you are cute and rough at the same time.”

“It’s dangerous to say things like that,” Jun says.

Sho’s lips turn into a smile. “It’s dangerous to just join me in the bath like you did.”

“Yes,” Jun admits. “That’s true.”

“So it was a show?”

“The last minutes here were,” Jun admits and sounds nervous all of a sudden. “The rest wasn’t. If you don’t like how I am, because seriously, I’m freaking difficult and a lot of work, now is the time to run.”

“I actually pretty much enjoy how you are. You are natural and impulsive, like the sea,” Sho draws back a bit, arms still wrapped around Jun’s waist though. “Just…  I don’t do one-night stands,” Sho explains calmly. “I had a lot of them before. Now I’m only doing serious stuff.”

“Hm, you have no idea what you getting yourself into,” Jun says. “You hardly know me.”

“No,” Sho smiles. “I’ve studied you for months already through Ohno-kun’s pictures. You are the one who has no idea what he’s getting himself into, because honestly, I can be a true jerk.”

Jun grins. “That much I already found out. Your sadistic teasing was too obvious.”

Sho decides that it’s exactly the right moment to shut Jun up. Who knows what else he might say now, and he really doesn’t want to get in an argument now. Not when Jun is naked in front of him and looking oh-so-perfect.

It’s not really a surprise that Jun isn’t like a soft, melancholic breeze during intimate moments either, but more like a stormy sea engulfing Sho completely.

At one point, they move to Jun’s bedroom because it’s more comfortable there and Jun didn’t like to have sex in the water. Jun’s lying on his back now, arms wrapped around Sho’s neck. Before Sho can bend forward and kiss him again, Jun stops him carefully. He looks a bit uncertain. “It’s been long for me,” he stutters. “I haven’t gotten intimate with someone for… what feels like forever. So, just… don’t go too rough for now, okay?”

The look in his eyes is wary, and he.is.so.freaking.cute.again. Sho feels like squealing because of so much adorableness at once. But Sho decides that such a reaction would rather scare Jun off, so he refrains from doing anything silly and shows Jun a warm smile before he kisses his lips softly. “Of course,” he says. “Just relax. I’ll watch out for you.”

Jun smiles warmly all of a sudden. “You are cute too,” he says with a chuckle, tightening the hug around Sho’s neck and pulling him closer to his lips. “So kind.”

~~~

Sho hangs the new picture Ohno painted of Jun in the salon too. Paradox. It’s a lighter atmosphere this time, still it is melancholic. Jun is hovering over some sheets of papers in his study, words scribbled down there, probably some of his poems.

“That’s a new development,” Ohno muses while he watches his own painting through obviously critical eyes.

“You don’t like it?” Sho wants to know. “The new development, I mean.”

Ohno stares at the picture for a while then looks at Sho. “You are not going to hurt him, aren’t you? You really like him. It’s not a game. You won’t just leave him…”

“I have no intention to do so. I’ve found my very own stormy sea after all,” Sho grins. “To think I was looking for a melancholic breeze. And then I happened to get into a whole storm. I don’t want to let go of that any time.”

Apparently, the answer was enough for Ohno’s eyes to light up. “Yes,” he says, smiling widely. “Though I don’t quite get what you mean. So, did you find what you lost?”

“No,” Sho says honestly. “I didn’t find what I lost, nothing even remotely close to it. But I found something better. Everything else would have been a replacement, a wrong way to fill the hole inside me. Jun-kun is nothing like I expected and not what I originally was looking for, still I found him, and that makes me very happy.”

“That’s good,” Ohno nods.

“I just wonder what you see in him,” Sho muses. “The pictures you paint of him have a certain atmosphere, and I’m not quite able to catch it.”

“You don’t have to,” Ohno says and it sounds honest. “Because the Jun I know goes back a long time. Maybe he has lost something too? My Jun might be from the past, yours is from the present.”

Sho tilts his head. It would be a lie to say he understands what Ohno is talking about. He does get the feeling Ohno voices out, but he doesn’t understand what exactly he is referring to. It’s like he needs to dig deeper into Jun’s story. He wants to ask something else but they get interrupted by Jun walking into the salon.

“You can’t be serious!” he huffs when he sees the third picture hanging in the salon. “Isn’t it enough that I have to look at my naked back every time I walk through here? Do you guys seriously need to put yet another picture on the wall!?” He points at the door in frustration. “From now on I’m having my tea outside on the terrace.”

“It’s freezing cold outside,” Sho explains calmly. “You’ll catch a cold if you spend too much time in the cold.”

“You know,” Jun continues his rant. “If you want me to get naked in the bathtub, just say so!”

“Oh, I know,” Sho smiles wickedly, well aware of the fact that his answer will piss Jun off. “I will.”

Jun throws him an annoyed glare. “Rich, chauvinistic bastard,” he huffs.

Sho laughs when Jun walks away again, completely ignoring Ohno’s surprised glances until the latter just shakes his head. “Interesting,” Ohno mumbles. “I kind of get what you meant with the storm. It’s such a surprise though, that it needed you only a weekend to get Jun out of his shell and make him react so…naturally.”

~~~

Sho grins when he later joins Jun on the huge sofa in front of the TV. He is watching a weird action movie right now after he has studied half an hour on Sho’s perfect beamer and home cinema system. Sho reaches out his hand to take the remote out of Jun’s hands, smirking slightly when Jun stares at him in surprise.

“You called me a rich bastard.” Sho smirks. “A rich, chauvinistic one on top of that. I thought I should get back at you for that.”

Jun blushes. “Not only that but you are also a kinky jerk,” he mumbles but his voice betrays him, shaking slightly in anticipation.

“Correct.” Sho nods earnestly. “I told you before that you don’t know what you’re getting yourself into, didn’t I?”

“Hm.”

“You said it was alright. Talking about a show.”

“What,” Jun grumbles after a while. “Are you going to get back at me for it now, or not? Or do I need to file an application?”

Sho fakes a sigh. “Well then,” he says earnestly. “How about this: I want you to get naked in the bathtub.”

Jun smiles at that.

~~~

The next weeks Sho enjoys very much. In fact, he can’t remember any other time he was that calm and happy. The only thing that bothers him, is-

Why is it only Ohno who can paint Jun?

He asks Jun again on a calm Saturday afternoon.

“Only Satoshi can paint me. Only he can see this in me,” Jun explains and for a moment, he looks so invisible and tired that Sho has to fight the urge to wrap his arms around him. “Because Satoshi saved me.”

“He saved you?” Sho blinks.

“Yes.” Jun smiles. He leans closer now, kissing Sho before he can ask anything else. It’s obvious that Jun doesn’t want to talk about it. It’s also obvious though that sometimes, Jun goes through mood swings. Sometimes he is a little more distant than normally, a little more emotional, getting angry faster.

It’s not like Sho doesn’t trust him.

Or maybe… that’s exactly the problem.

“Be careful,” Nino says in the very same afternoon when he meets them for a quick afternoon tea and they are alone for a few minutes. Jun has bought new plants and is watering them currently.

“He is not like him.” Sho argues immediately.

“I know, he isn’t.” Nino says earnestly. “Gladly not. They are not alike at all. But you doubt him.”

“I’m not!” Sho huffs angrily.

“Yes, you are.” Nino shrugs. “Because you don’t know anything about Jun-kun and he isn’t eager to share his problems with you. I’m just saying this as a friend. Remember the last time and how it backfired on you! You said Satoshi-kun saved him? From what? Don’t you want to know? You need to ask him for real, Sho, no half-assed questions - make him tell you! You need to be able to trust him. Besides, you are not honest with him either, aren’t you?”

“I’ve not lied to him!” Sho defends himself.

“No, you haven’t. But you have kept the whole truth. It might just backfire on you, you know? How long has it been since you last drew a picture?”
~~~

Burying the past deep within one’s mind doesn’t work, Sho knows that. He isn’t painting Jun not because Jun doesn’t let him, but because he can’t. Everything else is an excuse. It’s all because of that incident some years ago. Since then he hasn’t even touched a pencil.

It’s going to backfire, Nino said. Sho knows he is right. He doesn’t know that it will backfire so soon though, not when Jun feels so warm in his arms and his face looks so peaceful when he’s asleep.

It’s probably because this time of the year makes Sho particularly prissy that he reacts like he does. It’s just the imagery, the whole scene… of the bed being empty in the middle of the night when Sho wakes up, how he pats down the staircase to the kitchen, following the almost silent rustling sounds, how he opens the door to see him doing it.

Sho’s mind goes blank.

“What the hell are you doing!?” he blurts into the half-lit kitchen.

Jun blinks and turns around. He scans Sho from head to toe. “What’s wrong with you?” he asks. “I’m just catching a glass with water.”

“Don’t lie to me!” Sho yells. “It’s the same all over again. Just like it was before.”

“Hey, you!” Jun’s voice is shaking slightly now, brows furrowed as he points at Sho and walks closer. “Snap out of it, you idiot. I’m just drinking some water.”

Sho shakes his head, lips pressed against each other tightly. “This is so pathetic, Jun. I never thought you would be that pathetic.”

Before Jun can slap him, Sho catches his hand. He has always had good reactions - especially trained them throughout the last years when he went through such scenes almost daily. This is different though, Sho realizes when Jun doesn’t try to slap him again but instead empties his glass of - indeed - water above his head. It makes Sho wake up from his weird haze. Sho shakes his head, little water drops falling off his hair.

“Who the hell are you seeing in me!?” Jun finally demands to know. “You are completely out of it! I don’t get it - what were you thinking? Who did you see? Fuck, Sho, I’m not a replacement! I’m not him, whoever he is supposed to be!” Jun huffs. “And besides, why the hell are you never painting me? Yes, I said you can’t, but you never tried for real even once!”

“Listen, Jun,” Sho starts.

But Jun is obviously beyond listening or reasoning already, because he just throws his head back and walks towards the entrance door.

“You are not wearing any jacket,” Sho tries to reason. “It’s freezing cold. And-“ The door shuts with a loud sound and Sho sighs. “-you don’t have the keys to your cottage with you.”

He knows it’s probably not the right time to think anything like that. But when Jun stomps off like that, a far-distant corner in Sho’s mind can’t help but think that he is kinda adorable when he’s throwing a temper tantrum.

Now with Jun not around him, Sho looks through the kitchen carefully. He angles for the little package Jun was carrying before. Simple meds against headache.

Sho sighs. Okay, he has truly just acted like a jerk.

~~~

He has tried to call Jun, but only reached his voice mail until now. Awesome. Still, Sho has to smile a bit. Dude is a little melodramatic, which doesn’t come unexpected, but at the same time, he is a bit surprised.

In the end, he has only two options left. One of them is to consult with Nino. So he does and bribes him into dropping by at his place though it’s only 6AM.

Nino listens to his story in silence, then he stares at Sho for a long while.

“What?” Sho asks curiously.

“I’m just-“ Nino grins. “-amazed. This is a scene I kinda have seen, to be honest. And I can’t believe you were that stupid.”

“I know, I was out of it. No need to say it over and over again.” Sho frowns. “Can you be serious please!”

“I am.” Nino smirks. “To imagine he emptied a glass of water above your head. He is daring - I like that.”

“Very funny,” Sho sighs.

Nino is earnest again. “He is also very impulsive. A bit like a wild animal. A hurt and scared one.”

“Hm.” Sho looks up when he heard Nino’s last words. A scared animal? This sounds pretty accurate.

“So what are you going to do now?” Nino wants to know.

“I don’t know where to look for him,” Sho says honestly.

“You can’t be serious!?” Nino huffs. “Are you stupid? He was around you for at least two months. Didn’t you ask anything at all!? You really don’t know anything about him?”

“I didn’t want to scare him away.”

“Yeah, sure,” Nino sneers sarcastically. “If my lover wouldn’t show any interest in what I am and do at all, I would get pretty pissed too!”

Sho is used to Nino’s sharp mind up to now, still sometimes, it surprises him. Today, it’s the second time it does. “What do you mean?”

Nino hides his face behind his hands. “You can’t be serious with that question…”

Before Sho can ask anything else though, the second option he has to find out about Jun knocks at the door. Ohno, together with Aiba. At this early time. Sho can take a wild guess why he is here. Much to his surprise, he brings a painting though. “A new picture?” Sho blinks and exchanges a glance with Nino.

“Not really, more like a sketch.” Ohno shrugs. “I just wanted you to see it.”

“And I had to drive him to your place in such an early hour,” Aiba whines. “He said it can’t wait and he drew something at night. Needs to show you.”

When Ohno uncovers the picture, it’s one with Jun again. One of those perfect paintings with so many emotions. Sho has to fight the urge to hang it in his salon immediately, but the atmosphere about it is a bit too private. There is the slight melancholy about it that Ohno always captures about Jun. He is lying on something, a sofa maybe, only his back visible.

“He looks sad,” Nino analyses. Then he grins. “And angry.”

“I like that he is showing more emotions now, Sho-san,” Ohno’s lips tug like he isn’t sure which facial expression he should use. “But, I wished they would be happy.”

“What exactly happened?” Sho wants to know.

“Yesterday night, he basically just rang at my door for 15 minutes until I was awake and opened the door. Then he walked into my apartment, not wearing anything besides his pyjamas and slippers, shaking because it was so cold, and dropped on the sofa. Said he wants to sleep and I should not bother him with annoying question.”

Aiba blinks. “Seriously?”

Nino laughs. “I like him more and more,” he admits with a wicked grin.

“What do you think?” Ohno turns around and eyes Nino. He has this thoughtful look in his eyes. “About Jun?”

“As I said to Sho before,” Nino shrugs, apparently not seeing any fun in teasing Ohno. Hence, he answers directly. “He is like a hurt, wild animal sometimes.”

“Nino thinks it was wrong of me not to ask too many questions,” Sho explains further.

“Why?” Ohno asks curiously.

Nino sighs. “I see, you are a little dense too.” When Ohno throws him a glare, Nino just chuckles. “Fine, I’ll enlighten you two now.”

Finally, Sho thinks, but doesn’t say it out loud. The last thing he wants is Nino to know how desperately he needs his analysis and advice.

Nino takes a sip from his coffee. “You two treat him like an object of art. Jun-san thinks that for Sho, he is just part of his art collection. Just a piece he finds interesting and wants to hang in his salon.”

“On top of that-“ Aiba suddenly joins the conversation, much to Sho’s surprise. “He thinks he is a replacement.”

Something in Sho’s ears rings. Indeed, Jun mentioned something like that last night too. “What!?” He looks at Nino. “Did you say something to him?”

“Wow, do you really think I would sink that low?” Nino says dryly. “You should better stop jumping to conclusions so easily. It’s going to backfire if you do that.”

“Don’t worry, Sho-san, he asked me about it,” Aiba explains. “Around a month ago. He wanted to know what it is you are always looking for. He said sometimes your eyes seem like they are searching for something. He wanted to know what you lost.”

“He is obviously not an idiot,” Nino comments dryly. “For having realized something like that. He also knew that asking me or Ohno-kun about it might have led to you, Sho, getting to know it. On the other hand-” Nino chuckles. “He is an idiot. Because he could have just asked you directly. But just as you didn’t ask him, he didn’t ask you.”

“Could you not just apologize?” Ohno whines.

“I would,” Sho admits. “But I can’t reach him at all.”

Ohno rolls his eyes. “Oh man, Jun’s always out of it when he is sulking.”

“So, to finally ask what Sho can’t ask-“ Nino steps in between again. “What happened? What was it you saved him from? Abuse? Rape? I’m sorry for voicing it so directly, but seriously, the whole hide-and-seek-play is starting to get on my nerves.”

Ohno is silent for a while. “You are pretty close to the truth,” he finally says. “But for the details, please ask him personally.”

“So,” Aiba says after a while. “Where is he, Satoshi?”

“I have no idea.” Ohno shrugs. “He secretly left my apartment in the early morning, probably because he didn’t want me to talk some reason in him.”

Nino laughs again.

“You are very easy to amuse,” Sho grumbles.

“I’m sorry,” Nino grins. “But the fact that all four of us, including his lover and his best friend, are standing here and he basically tricked all of us without even trying, is pretty genius from his side. And pretty pathetic from ours.”

Aiba’s lips tug too now, but he obviously hides his amusement better than Nino. Now he clears his throat. “Do any of you have an idea? Think properly. Ninomiya-kun and I obviously can’t know it.”

“Didn’t you say he left everything here at your place, Sho?” Nino asks now. “He will come back for sure. You could just wait.”

“No,” Sho says immediately. “That’s not an option. I’m going to get him back. I have to do it personally.”

Nino smiles a bit. One of those rare warm smiles of his.

Sho tilts his head, eyes pinned to the pictures hanging in his salon. A wild animal, Nino said. Where would a hurt animal go? Home, probably. But, Jun has left all his belongings with Sho.

Sho frowns. “That idiot wouldn’t… ” he pauses. “But his keys are here, and it’s freezing outside, and-“  He lets out an exasperated sigh. “Seriously, he is an overdramatic idiot!” he huffs.

With that, he heads upstairs, takes some important things before he grabs his jacket and the keys of his car. “Make yourselves comfortable here,” he tells the other three. “Nino will help you when you need something. You can stay as long as you want.”

“Are you not coming back immediately?” Aiba wants to know.

“No, don’t expect me before tomorrow,” Sho says with a grin.

Nino raises his hands. “No dirty details please!”

Aiba sighs happily. “Ah, being in love is so nice… I want to be in love too. I want to have someone to fight with and make up with hot steaming sex.”

Nino frowns. “Why are you looking at me now!?”

“Because Oh-chan is not an option. I’m working together with him. Never mix work with pleasure.”

Sho chuckles when he leaves.

~~~

“You are kinda predictable,” Sho muses when he finds Jun. As expected, he is at his cottage, walking around the beach. Apparently, the fact that he didn’t have his key with him didn’t stop him from coming. He still looks angry, which means it’s the perfect moment to talk, because Jun is all open like a book then.

Jun frowns. “Sorry for having nowhere else to go,” he says. He is wearing a white fluffy sweater and a wool cap with cat ears sticking to it, probably something he found at Ohno’s place.

Sho looks at him for a while, eyeing the cat ears and Jun’s black hair sticking out of the wool cap. He looks like he came out of an advertisement for washing detergent. “My,” Sho can’t help a smile. “Why are you so cute!? I can’t believe how cute you are.”

“Why do you call me cute all the time,” Jun frowns. “I’m actually taller than you. And manlier!”

Sho snorts. “I’m not that much smaller.”

“You are a shrimp,” Jun grumbles.

“Did you just call me a shrimp?” Sho can’t help a grin. “Normally, people call me a chipmunk.”

“Who does that?” Jun frowns. “What kind of idiot is insulting you?”

“You for example?” Sho pulls his eyebrows up, all earnest again. “You are making too much of a drama out of this, seriously. Like we are in High School again. You really are freaking complicated and twisted, you know that?”

This time, when Jun wants to hit him, he lets him. He looks cute and fluffy, Sho thinks, when he moves the back of his right hand to his left cheek after Jun slapped him. He slaps pretty hard.

Jun stares at him in sincere shock. “Why did you let me slap you?”

“Well, thought I might just let you get it out of your system and get your revenge for yesterday night,” Sho explains casually, then he takes Jun’s hand. “Come. It’s freezing cold outside and you are seriously looking like an icicle.” He rubs Jun’s hands. “Your hands are freezing.”

His calm and composed approach has worked, it seems, because Jun isn’t fighting him at all. He just lets Sho tug him along. When they reach the cottage, Jun blushes slightly. “I’ve no key.”

“I know,” Sho smiles. “I brought your keys along.”

“Seems my lover is smarter than I am,” Jun muses.

“Not that smart,” Sho admits and unlocks the door. Soon Jun has set the oven to work and the whole living room feels warm again.

Jun sighs slightly, sitting down in front of the oven. His cheeks get some colour again. Sho approaches him with a tea in his hands. When Jun takes the cup into his hands, he catches Sho’s hand and pulls him down next to him.

“I’m sorry for hitting you,” Jun says.

“Did it make you feel better after letting your frustrations out?” Sho wants to know.

“Not at all,” Jun answers honestly. “I thought you would stop me to be honest.”

Sho grins slightly. With the back of his hand, he caresses Jun’s cheek softly, fingers gliding over the soft skin. “Recently I’ve realized that you are like a wild animal. Let’s say, a wild - pretty - but stray dog.”

“You didn’t just compare me to a stray dog, did you?” Jun interrupts him in disbelief.

“A pretty, sometimes fluffy dog,” Sho tells him, taking Jun’s hands before he can do anything with them, like probably smacking him. “Animals learn from mistakes,” Sho continues his lecture. “So, you hitting me and not liking it, even feeling guilty about it, will definitely stop you from doing it again.”

Jun looks at him for what feels like minutes, then he shakes his head. “You have some serious problems too, you know that, Sho-kun?”

“I know.”

“Sho-kun.“ Jun turns around to look at Sho directly. “I don’t want to be a replacement. And I don’t want to be part of a collection of your favourite art pieces.”

“You are not,” Sho says. “Never were. Yes, you reminded me of someone in the pictures Ohno painted first, but the real you is nothing alike. This other person you reminded me of first was never impulsive, never fought me like you did - boy, you are for sure standing your ground - he didn’t yell at me, didn’t have your sense of humour, he didn’t cry over romance movies like you do, didn’t joke and laugh, didn’t have your kindness - You don’t think I didn’t realise how you are feeding that stray little cat at my place?” Sho smiles. “He wasn’t even half as passionate as you are, not even half as confident. He didn’t have your temper either and couldn’t pull off such a dramatic exit at all. On top of that you are also-”

“If you say cute now-“ Jun interrupts him. “-I’m going to stand up and leave.”

“Then I won’t say it.”

“So you were about to say it?” Jun sighs. “I don’t get you. How can you find me cute? No one ever called me cute. Nothing about me is cute. You just said it yourself - I’m impulsive, complicated, twisted and have a temper problem.”

Sho blinks. “Look who is twisting my words now.”

“But you said it!”

“Yeah, maybe, but not with such a suggestive tone to it. I meant it way more innocent. I like these things about you. You are like a wild and beautiful ocean.”

Jun looks at him for a while, then he smiles carefully. It’s a beautiful smile, one of those that Sho loves so much. “You know, we need to work on your ability to compliment me.”

“Oh,” Sho grins and wraps his arms around Jun to pull him closer. “I’m happily going to compliment you anytime.” He presses his lips against Jun’s temples. “Your strong features and beautiful eyebrows.” A kiss to the spot below his lips. “Your cute moles.” Jun wraps his arms around him too now, allowing Sho to kiss him. “Your lips.”

He can feel how Jun smiles against his lips. “You are quite a brat yourself,” Jun jokes. “You completely tricked me. One hour ago I was still raging and now I’ve let myself be engulfed in your words. You are surprisingly kind.”

“Kind?” Sho blinks. “No one has ever called me kind.”

“But you are,” Jun insists. “So, who is the person that influenced you so much that you felt the need to jump at me in the middle of the night in your kitchen?”

Sho takes Jun’s hands into his. “The guy I dated before you. It was several years ago. His name was Yuki. He was a shy and melancholic guy, close to depression.”

“And?”

“He did drugs. I tried to stop him and help him out of it, but he still did it, secretly. Died a few years ago of a drug overdose. Since then I wasn’t able to paint even one single picture.” The truth still hurts, Sho realises, but it hurts less when Jun is around.

“Hence the kitchen-drama. You thought I was secretly taking drugs,” Jun muses.

“Yeah, I kinda had a flashback. My realities were overlapping. I’m sorry.”

Jun tilts his head, brows furrowed as he looks into Sho’s eyes directly. Sho is not sure what that look in Jun’s eyes means, but then Jun squeezes his hand. “You think it’s your fault that he died, right? But it’s not.”

“Jun-“

“No, it’s not your fault. You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved.” Jun smiles. “Believe me, I know what I’m talking about.”

“So, what are you talking about?” Sho finally dares to ask the question he should have asked weeks ago.

“I’ve known Satoshi since forever. He knows the me from before. I was a kid with a violent father and an alcoholic mother. As a teenager, I was caught and used by the red-light district. Back then it was Satoshi who helped me out of it, years ago, when he was just in college and started painting his first pictures. That’s probably why he sees me differently.”

It is a lot to swallow. Jun obviously knows that because he says nothing else, just waits and watches Sho’s expression, and drinks his tea. “You mean,” Sho breaks the silence. “You were forced to sell your body?”

Jun knits his eyebrows in concentration as he eyes a spot next to Sho’s head. “A few times, yes. Satoshi got me out of it pretty early though. I was lucky, I think. I didn’t catch any diseases and my mind recovered fast. So, I guess, it could have been worse?”

It’s still bad enough, Sho thinks, but doesn’t say it out loud. He doesn’t want to stir too many sad memories in Jun. “And afterwards?”

“Went through therapy,” Jun explains. “And studied literature. After several ups and downs, I got my life somewhat together again. With Satoshi’s help. To be honest, Sho-kun, I’ve learned to leave the past behind - I won’t talk much about it. Not because I want to hide anything, but because I want to live in the present. I enjoy my life now, and I want to do it whole-heartedly. It doesn’t mean that I want to lie to you, okay?”

Sho nods, wrapping his arms around Jun’s hips to pull him into an embrace. He understands perfectly. “And your parents?”

Jun shrugs. “I don’t know. And honestly, I don’t want to know. I haven’t seen them in 10 years. It’s better that way. You see-“ His lips tug nervously. “There is quite a catch to me. I can just reassure you that I’m not doing any drugs. In fact, I’m hardly even drinking. And if I had the wish to kill myself, I would have done it long ago.”

“I know,” Sho nods softly. “And there is a catch to me too.”

“Mine is worse,” Jun argues. “And believe me, I’ve learned to show my emotions openly, though to be honest, no one was able to make me open up that fast like you did. This means I might just throw a cup at you when I’m mad. Throw a tantrum at you. Get angry easily.”

“Oh,” Sho grins. “I can deal with that. You are a cute puppy after all. You will learn. I will tame you~”

Jun frowns, much to Sho’s delight. The serious expression makes place for a sulky one. “You did not just say that.”

“Oh, I did!”

“And now?” Jun huffs. As always, Sho is amazed at how fast he can snap out of his gloomy emotions and back into his wild-ocean-mode. “What does my master want me to do?”

“To be honest,” Sho grins. “I would very much like to see you naked and below me. Right here, right now.”

Jun laughs.

~~~

“I like this place here,” Sho whispers against Jun’s forehead when they are stretched out on the huge carpet in front of the oven. Their clothes are spread all around the room. “Your cottage is simply beautiful. Maybe we should come here every weekend?”

Jun’s head snaps up. “For real?” He places a kiss on Sho’s chest and rests his chin against it. “You want to make this our second place?”

“It obviously is your home,” Sho muses, fingers brushing through Jun’s thick hair. “And I think it’s charming and relaxing. It’s nice to leave the superficial world I’m living in here and there and come to this place to just be… us. I feel relaxed here too. I might even be able to paint again here.”

Jun is obviously happy with his request, eyes gleaming. “Let’s make a deal,” he chuckles. “All the social life and work at your place - and a study for me there! - and on weekends, we’ll flee to the cottage.”

“Sure.”

“You don’t mind me arranging a study at your place?” Jun wants to know.

Sho smiles. “Not at all. You need to be able to work there after all. Just talk to my interior designer and tell him your wishes.”

“Interior designer?” Jun chuckles. “You really are a wealthy jerk, you know that?”

Sho smacks him playfully. “I know,” he jokes.

“Can we invite the others to the cottage too?” Jun wants to know.

“This is your place, Jun,” Sho smiles. “Besides, you don’t need to ask for my permission to invite anyone - also not to the villa.”

“So let’s invite the others, Masaki-kun and Satoshi next weekend,” Jun offers.

“What about Nino?” Sho wants to know.

“But that guy hates me,” Jun analyses warily.

“He does not hate you,” Sho explains, chuckling slightly. “He is only wary about my weird decisions. He was pretty mad at me for not telling you anything before.”

“Hm,” Jun smiles carefully. “Okay then. Let’s add him to the little party too.”

~~~

Sho is painting again. His first picture is an abstract imagery reflecting the wild ocean. It gets awarded almost immediately. Despite that, Sho knows that the active times of him as an artist might be over. He will paint for himself and Jun, but not go public with every picture. He is rather going to produce and support newer artists now. Like Ohno Satoshi. It’s surprisingly fulfilling to see someone rise because he helped him.

They go to Jun’s cottage almost every weekend. Sho has a little atelier there too now, and he likes to work there, much more than in his own atelier.

During their first little gathering with their friends there, Jun has invited Nino too. Naturally. He also does so in all their upcoming invitations. Sho hopes that Jun is going to open up to Nino too. Like he did to Masaki-kun.

To give them the room to do so, Sho decides to push them a little, like during a little private celebration they have after Ohno won an important prize.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Nino frowns when Sho and the other two get up with a weak excuse to give them some time alone. Aiba pretends to receive a phone call, Ohno says he needs to get some fresh air and wants to take a walk at the beach, and Sho decides to hurry to the toilet.

Of course Nino and Jun are both too sharp not to realize their weak plotting.

“He obviously wants us to bond,” Jun answers dryly.

Nino smirks and pulls an eyebrow up. “Like James Bond.”

Jun laughs.

Sho’s life has changed, obviously, but he likes the fact that it changed and turned into a path he can walk together with Jun. A new life, with good friends, with a partner at his side… with new goals to achieve.