Tell me why (Sakumoto)
Title: Tell me why
Pairing: Sakumoto
Rating: PG15
Beta: lover_youshould
Genre: romance, angst (NO death/illness-kind of angst!)
Summary: Jun wonders if he will ever start liking the man looking back at him in the mirror again. He wonders when he started to actually hate Sho too, not only love him. He is not as innocent anymore as he was once.
Notes: Requested by yumiiimori at my request post. I really enjoyed writing this - thanks for giving me the opportuniy to write such a fic. I hope you'll like it too! ♥
Jun is lying on the bed, his back turned towards him. “Please say something,” Sho begs. “Anything, really.” He isn’t quite sure what he expects Jun to say. Something like: Don’t leave me alone now. Or maybe: It’s not your fault.
But then, he probably really only wants to hear Jun’s voice.
Jun stays quiet though. A few years, maybe even a few months ago, he would have still given Sho what he wanted to hear so badly, but Sho assumes he is running out of strength too. Just like Sho himself does. He wants to touch Jun now, hug him and tell him everything is alright. But they both know it’s not. It was a white lie once, but turned into a horrible real one over the years.
Feeling far off Though we loved each other, we became distant
Wanting to come back together, every night time
The day that you cried If I'd just thrown everything away
Maybe you'd still be by my side now
Jun empties five shots of tequila this evening. He should feel drunk by doing it, but it doesn’t work. It doesn’t numb his body. Actually it makes everything even realer, more vivid. The pain’s so real that he feels like it will never stop again.
“You sure you are okay?” Ohno asks.
“Yeah.” Jun nods and takes another shot of tequila from him.
Ohno pulls his eyebrows up. “Do you think you can drown yourself in that stuff?”
Not himself. Rather Sho’s image. “Have you ever hurt someone?” Jun asks. “Someone you love. Hurt him because you couldn’t take it anymore?”
“Didn’t he hurt you too?”
“Does that matter?”
Ohno is quiet for a long while, then he grabs the tequila bottle, taking a shot too. “You know, Jun-kun, I-“
“Just be honest,” Jun asks him and his voice feels painfully dry. “Please. Brutally honest. I’m drunk enough to take it.”
It feels like forever while Ohno actually only needs a minute to answer. “It’s unhealthy,” he finally says. “I think it’s unhealthy. It’s ruining the both of you. So, hurting Sho to get yourself and maybe also him free might feel painful now, but it will end the madness for you.”
Brutally honest, indeed. Unhealthy, Ohno said. It’s his own fault for asking. In the end the reality is so painful.
“Sho will never choose me, right?” Jun asks. “He will choose the woman his parents want him to marry. I’ll only be his secret lover, forever.”
Ohno nods.
An unhealthy relationship? Jun takes another shot of his tequila.
I can never say things well Sometimes, I hurt you
But I wanted to protect you more than anyone else
For as long as Jun can remember, it's always been Sho. There are four priorities in his life: work, family, Sho, friends. Sometimes the order shifts, but most of the time it’s pretty much that. Jun knows what Ohno told him is right. He knows it’s unhealthy. And he agrees with it. Still, when Sho calls him, he goes to meet him.
He is like an addict. Sho-addicted. Whenever Sho calls him, he throws away all his good resolutions, ready to jump into his arms, to be loved and left alone just a second after.
“Hey.” Sho smiles whenever Jun sneaks into the hotel room or when they meet at Jun’s place, because Sho’s apartment is off limits. This time it’s Jun’s place. Sho owns a key to it, and already awaits him. And it’s enough for Jun to throw all doubts to the side.
“Hey,” Jun answers almost shyly. Then he is in Sho’s arms.
As long as he lies in Sho’s arms it seems to be alright, but the moment he is alone, it’s like he can see the shattered pieces of his heart on the floor. With every time he lets Sho fuck him, with every time he makes love to Sho, there is another piece of his heart on the floor, getting mixed up with the pieces of Sho’s. They stomp over it, like they don’t see it, kick their hearts with all they have. He wonders if Sho sees it too. The broken pieces they both leave behind every time they meet.
How long will they be able to keep their sanity?
Oh baby, tell me why Time passes
Memories of you Your voice (It echoes Pierces through me The days blur together)
I can hear it So I'm searching for you even now
So much my heart hurts Tell me why
(My pain stays, again and again)
I just want to tell you honestly I'm sorry
Sho watches how Jun’s body heaves beneath the blanket. A steady, regular breath. It almost lures Sho into believing that Jun’s asleep, that it’s alright like that and that he doesn’t need to feel guilty. But he knows better. Would he look up and at the mirror at the other side of the room, would he dare to do that, he would see Jun’s eyes are wide-open.
He bends forward and reaches out his hand. For a moment he wonders if he should touch Jun’s shoulder and brush over it soothingly, but then his courage leaves him. He can’t. This is not right, they are not right, and he can’t promise Jun what he can’t give him. Not even when it’s a silent promise through a touch. “I need to go,” he says.
Jun doesn’t say anything, only nods.
Sho takes a quick shower, so fast that he wonders if he really cleaned himself up properly, but being in the same apartment as Jun is so suffocating. He is scared what he might do then, what Jun might say, and how he will react. He can’t trust his reactions after they had sex. He has hit Jun once already, and Jun has hit him. He has promised him love and respect, and he was confessed to. He has yelled at him and gotten yelled back at.
He knows Jun loves him, always did. Always loved him more than he love Jun. He probably has feelings for Jun too, but he can’t let them to the surface. There is too much in his life he needs to consider, his feelings come last. He doesn’t even know what love actually is.
Sho splashes some cold water onto his face and slips into his clothes. He forgets his scarf and wristband when he leaves the apartment, but when he hurries back to get them just a few minutes later, the door is locked and he doesn’t dare to ring and face Jun.
This room without you in it feels light as an empty box
It's so big, it makes me want to cry What a lonely night
Our time suddenly came to an end, didn't it
Although I'd promised I'd always protect you
For one hour Jun just sits in the rocking chair, eyeing the plants on his balcony. Hello, morning, boring and bland. He wonders if this is going to be like that, always, when he decides not to meet Sho anymore.
“It is not,” Ohno tells him when he drops by.
“Did you bring something to drink?” Jun asks in return.
“At 10AM?” Ohno snorts and casually picks his nose. “You can have tea or coffee, babe.”
Jun can’t help a grin. “You didn’t just call me babe, did you?”
“Made you smile,” Ohno points out lazily, and opens his bag. He puts some self-made dried fish on the table, eyeing it with pride. Then his eyes fall on the wristband at the chair. He grabs it, turning it around. “Is this Sho’s?” He turns around to face Jun. “It is!”
Jun shrugs.
Ohno doesn’t say anything, just takes one of the dried sardines and chews on them. “Can I have a glass of milk?”
Ew. Jun grimaces.
“You know, in Europe this is a delicacy,” Ohno defends himself.
“Where in Europe?”
Ohno tilts his head, and shrugs again. “Somewhere.” Aha, whatever. Jun opens the door to the fridge to grab the bottle of milk. “You lost weight.”
“What?” Jun spins around, blinking as he looks down on his body. “For the drama.”
“Is that so?” Ohno muses.
Jun sighs. “I know what you think.”
“And what do I think?”
“That we are stupid and spineless for not ending this affair and instead chose to close our eyes to reality. That it doesn’t lead us to anywhere, it’s only hurting us. We are hurting each other, every day, with every meeting we have. I’m sick of smelling the perfume on Sho’s clothes and knowing it’s not his. The lack of commitment, everything. I hate it, I hate Sho for doing that to me, I hate myself for letting him do it. And probably he hates himself for it too.”
Ohno doesn’t say anything, just- “I want you to be happy. The both of you.”
He knows what Ohno wants to say. This is not making you happy, it’s not making Sho happy. It’s breaking you and Sho, and whatever friendship you might still share. The only moment he does feel complete is when he sleeps with Sho because there is not much more they share with each other anymore. He is still like an addict, getting weak every time he hears Sho’s voice. He wonders when he started to actually hate Sho too, not only love him. He is not as innocent anymore as he was once.
A clear cut would be the best, he thinks.
“I’m scared.”
Ohno looks up in surprise.
I’m scared of being alone. And staying alone.
Ohno grabs his bag again, and takes out a bottle with sake like he was able to read his thoughts. It’s 10:30 now, but they don’t mind. This time Jun manages to drown his sorrow, and when he wakes up at the cold floor of the toilet, a blanket around his shoulders, and finds Ohno sleeping on the sofa of his living room, he knows it can’t continue. He is not a 16-year-old teen anymore. He is an adult, over 30. This can’t continue. When he thinks of Sho his heart doesn’t make tiny excited jumps though, there are no butterflies in his stomach. Instead his chest clenches whenever he thinks of him, his heart throbbing in anxiety and he just wants to hit the wall with his fists until they start bleeding. He opens the door to his balcony. It’s pitch-black outside.
Finding we have the same habits Always laughing together
I'll never love someone like this again
One instead of two, I feel so empty
Lost the life I should have had
“In the past...” I let slip nostalgically
A photo of the two of us...
“If you help me clean up, I’m going to cook for you.”
He can almost hear Nino’s thoughts at the other end of the line, but apparently his promise to cook is enough reason for Nino to agree. “Why are we doing this, J?” he whines when he drops by and Jun feeds him with an onigiri immediately. Nino is like a proud cat - you need to feed it to keep its mood raised.
“No reason.” Jun has prepared a few boxes. “When I hand you something you throw it into one of these. We’ll throw these into the trash later.”
Nino blinks, eyeing the watch in his hands. A present Sho gave Jun once. For a moment Jun thinks that Nino is going to ask him if he could keep it, but to his surprise he doesn’t. He throws it into the box and does what Jun can’t do alone. Get rid of all the memories he has of Sho, of all the signs that he was here regularly, that one part of his life was linked to Jun and to this place. Pictures, presents, even books. He pauses sometimes when he stumbles over something that makes his heart clench at the memory it brings, but Nino takes it out of his hands immediately and throws it away. This is why he asked Nino for help. He is the only one able to help him here and understand, without asking any questions.
He cooks for Nino later. And empties the bottle of cognac with him. It’s the last time he gets drunk because of Sho.
You're not here in my room
Regretting it now, once again
Wanting to touch those hands again Wanting to see those eyes again
The tears slip through and fall When I want you
There were days when you laughed with me
But seeing your eyes as you cried, muttering to me, “You idiot...”
Then, until we meet again
“See you”
No... please come back again
When Jun looks into the mirror he feels like there is a stranger, someone he doesn’t understand anymore. A lot of things have happened between them, and each and every time Jun found himself going back to Sho. He is sure he loves Sho, somewhere in a corner of his heart there has to be that innocent piece that used to love Sho beyond compromises, ready to sacrifice everything. Unfortunately with the years Jun has learned that he isn’t ready to sacrifice it all anymore.
When he tells that to Sho the night after he cleaned up his apartment with Nino, something inside him twitches so painfully that he feels breathless for a second, and Jun is almost relieved to feel like that. Like he is alive. A sign that Sho still means something to him. A sign that he still has feelings and that it’s not all numbed down.
“Why?” Sho asks silently. “Why so sudden? Up to now everything was alright. Why now?”
“I hate-“ Jun pauses, not sure how to continue.
When he doesn’t say anything, Sho takes the cue. He looks anxious, eyes wide open, lips quivering, and Jun realizes that Sho probably has seen the shattered pieces of their hearts too, all over the bedroom floor, making it difficult to breathe. “Me? You hate me?”
Maybe one part of him really hates Sho. Has come to hate him over the years, over the endless stabs Sho has given to his heart and because he himself has learned to kick back at him with the same force. Hating Sho would be so much easier, but it’s not the truth. “It’s not only you,” Jun finally answers quietly, his voice bland to his own ears. “I hate myself. I hate the person I am when I am with you.”
Jun wonders if he will ever start liking the man looking back at him in the mirror again.
No no no Where are you now? No no no Who are you showing your true face to now?
Jun writes a letter, to not make it end the way it did between them. He wants to make it still clear. He explains it all, as honest as he can be. I'm so sorry, Sho-san, I love you, but I can’t be your secret while you are getting engaged to someone else.
One part of him wants to yell at Sho and kick him and hate him with all he has, and actually this part does exactly that - well, he doesn’t literally kick him, but he hates him and keeps his distance. And the other part of him wants Sho to become happy, just like he wants himself to be happy. He isn’t ready to tell that Sho yet. But he hopes one day he can.
A/N: I apologize for the sad ending (it was requested as no happy end :-)) To be honest, I hardly write stories without a happy end, but this one actually came naturally and the ending fitted the writing flow for me. (I promise to give you a happier Sakumoto next time <3) I still hope you like it a bit though, despite the ending. <3
Pairing: Sakumoto
Rating: PG15
Beta: lover_youshould
Genre: romance, angst (NO death/illness-kind of angst!)
Summary: Jun wonders if he will ever start liking the man looking back at him in the mirror again. He wonders when he started to actually hate Sho too, not only love him. He is not as innocent anymore as he was once.
Notes: Requested by yumiiimori at my request post. I really enjoyed writing this - thanks for giving me the opportuniy to write such a fic. I hope you'll like it too! ♥
Jun is lying on the bed, his back turned towards him. “Please say something,” Sho begs. “Anything, really.” He isn’t quite sure what he expects Jun to say. Something like: Don’t leave me alone now. Or maybe: It’s not your fault.
But then, he probably really only wants to hear Jun’s voice.
Jun stays quiet though. A few years, maybe even a few months ago, he would have still given Sho what he wanted to hear so badly, but Sho assumes he is running out of strength too. Just like Sho himself does. He wants to touch Jun now, hug him and tell him everything is alright. But they both know it’s not. It was a white lie once, but turned into a horrible real one over the years.
Feeling far off Though we loved each other, we became distant
Wanting to come back together, every night time
The day that you cried If I'd just thrown everything away
Maybe you'd still be by my side now
Jun empties five shots of tequila this evening. He should feel drunk by doing it, but it doesn’t work. It doesn’t numb his body. Actually it makes everything even realer, more vivid. The pain’s so real that he feels like it will never stop again.
“You sure you are okay?” Ohno asks.
“Yeah.” Jun nods and takes another shot of tequila from him.
Ohno pulls his eyebrows up. “Do you think you can drown yourself in that stuff?”
Not himself. Rather Sho’s image. “Have you ever hurt someone?” Jun asks. “Someone you love. Hurt him because you couldn’t take it anymore?”
“Didn’t he hurt you too?”
“Does that matter?”
Ohno is quiet for a long while, then he grabs the tequila bottle, taking a shot too. “You know, Jun-kun, I-“
“Just be honest,” Jun asks him and his voice feels painfully dry. “Please. Brutally honest. I’m drunk enough to take it.”
It feels like forever while Ohno actually only needs a minute to answer. “It’s unhealthy,” he finally says. “I think it’s unhealthy. It’s ruining the both of you. So, hurting Sho to get yourself and maybe also him free might feel painful now, but it will end the madness for you.”
Brutally honest, indeed. Unhealthy, Ohno said. It’s his own fault for asking. In the end the reality is so painful.
“Sho will never choose me, right?” Jun asks. “He will choose the woman his parents want him to marry. I’ll only be his secret lover, forever.”
Ohno nods.
An unhealthy relationship? Jun takes another shot of his tequila.
I can never say things well Sometimes, I hurt you
But I wanted to protect you more than anyone else
For as long as Jun can remember, it's always been Sho. There are four priorities in his life: work, family, Sho, friends. Sometimes the order shifts, but most of the time it’s pretty much that. Jun knows what Ohno told him is right. He knows it’s unhealthy. And he agrees with it. Still, when Sho calls him, he goes to meet him.
He is like an addict. Sho-addicted. Whenever Sho calls him, he throws away all his good resolutions, ready to jump into his arms, to be loved and left alone just a second after.
“Hey.” Sho smiles whenever Jun sneaks into the hotel room or when they meet at Jun’s place, because Sho’s apartment is off limits. This time it’s Jun’s place. Sho owns a key to it, and already awaits him. And it’s enough for Jun to throw all doubts to the side.
“Hey,” Jun answers almost shyly. Then he is in Sho’s arms.
As long as he lies in Sho’s arms it seems to be alright, but the moment he is alone, it’s like he can see the shattered pieces of his heart on the floor. With every time he lets Sho fuck him, with every time he makes love to Sho, there is another piece of his heart on the floor, getting mixed up with the pieces of Sho’s. They stomp over it, like they don’t see it, kick their hearts with all they have. He wonders if Sho sees it too. The broken pieces they both leave behind every time they meet.
How long will they be able to keep their sanity?
Oh baby, tell me why Time passes
Memories of you Your voice (It echoes Pierces through me The days blur together)
I can hear it So I'm searching for you even now
So much my heart hurts Tell me why
(My pain stays, again and again)
I just want to tell you honestly I'm sorry
Sho watches how Jun’s body heaves beneath the blanket. A steady, regular breath. It almost lures Sho into believing that Jun’s asleep, that it’s alright like that and that he doesn’t need to feel guilty. But he knows better. Would he look up and at the mirror at the other side of the room, would he dare to do that, he would see Jun’s eyes are wide-open.
He bends forward and reaches out his hand. For a moment he wonders if he should touch Jun’s shoulder and brush over it soothingly, but then his courage leaves him. He can’t. This is not right, they are not right, and he can’t promise Jun what he can’t give him. Not even when it’s a silent promise through a touch. “I need to go,” he says.
Jun doesn’t say anything, only nods.
Sho takes a quick shower, so fast that he wonders if he really cleaned himself up properly, but being in the same apartment as Jun is so suffocating. He is scared what he might do then, what Jun might say, and how he will react. He can’t trust his reactions after they had sex. He has hit Jun once already, and Jun has hit him. He has promised him love and respect, and he was confessed to. He has yelled at him and gotten yelled back at.
He knows Jun loves him, always did. Always loved him more than he love Jun. He probably has feelings for Jun too, but he can’t let them to the surface. There is too much in his life he needs to consider, his feelings come last. He doesn’t even know what love actually is.
Sho splashes some cold water onto his face and slips into his clothes. He forgets his scarf and wristband when he leaves the apartment, but when he hurries back to get them just a few minutes later, the door is locked and he doesn’t dare to ring and face Jun.
This room without you in it feels light as an empty box
It's so big, it makes me want to cry What a lonely night
Our time suddenly came to an end, didn't it
Although I'd promised I'd always protect you
For one hour Jun just sits in the rocking chair, eyeing the plants on his balcony. Hello, morning, boring and bland. He wonders if this is going to be like that, always, when he decides not to meet Sho anymore.
“It is not,” Ohno tells him when he drops by.
“Did you bring something to drink?” Jun asks in return.
“At 10AM?” Ohno snorts and casually picks his nose. “You can have tea or coffee, babe.”
Jun can’t help a grin. “You didn’t just call me babe, did you?”
“Made you smile,” Ohno points out lazily, and opens his bag. He puts some self-made dried fish on the table, eyeing it with pride. Then his eyes fall on the wristband at the chair. He grabs it, turning it around. “Is this Sho’s?” He turns around to face Jun. “It is!”
Jun shrugs.
Ohno doesn’t say anything, just takes one of the dried sardines and chews on them. “Can I have a glass of milk?”
Ew. Jun grimaces.
“You know, in Europe this is a delicacy,” Ohno defends himself.
“Where in Europe?”
Ohno tilts his head, and shrugs again. “Somewhere.” Aha, whatever. Jun opens the door to the fridge to grab the bottle of milk. “You lost weight.”
“What?” Jun spins around, blinking as he looks down on his body. “For the drama.”
“Is that so?” Ohno muses.
Jun sighs. “I know what you think.”
“And what do I think?”
“That we are stupid and spineless for not ending this affair and instead chose to close our eyes to reality. That it doesn’t lead us to anywhere, it’s only hurting us. We are hurting each other, every day, with every meeting we have. I’m sick of smelling the perfume on Sho’s clothes and knowing it’s not his. The lack of commitment, everything. I hate it, I hate Sho for doing that to me, I hate myself for letting him do it. And probably he hates himself for it too.”
Ohno doesn’t say anything, just- “I want you to be happy. The both of you.”
He knows what Ohno wants to say. This is not making you happy, it’s not making Sho happy. It’s breaking you and Sho, and whatever friendship you might still share. The only moment he does feel complete is when he sleeps with Sho because there is not much more they share with each other anymore. He is still like an addict, getting weak every time he hears Sho’s voice. He wonders when he started to actually hate Sho too, not only love him. He is not as innocent anymore as he was once.
A clear cut would be the best, he thinks.
“I’m scared.”
Ohno looks up in surprise.
I’m scared of being alone. And staying alone.
Ohno grabs his bag again, and takes out a bottle with sake like he was able to read his thoughts. It’s 10:30 now, but they don’t mind. This time Jun manages to drown his sorrow, and when he wakes up at the cold floor of the toilet, a blanket around his shoulders, and finds Ohno sleeping on the sofa of his living room, he knows it can’t continue. He is not a 16-year-old teen anymore. He is an adult, over 30. This can’t continue. When he thinks of Sho his heart doesn’t make tiny excited jumps though, there are no butterflies in his stomach. Instead his chest clenches whenever he thinks of him, his heart throbbing in anxiety and he just wants to hit the wall with his fists until they start bleeding. He opens the door to his balcony. It’s pitch-black outside.
Finding we have the same habits Always laughing together
I'll never love someone like this again
One instead of two, I feel so empty
Lost the life I should have had
“In the past...” I let slip nostalgically
A photo of the two of us...
“If you help me clean up, I’m going to cook for you.”
He can almost hear Nino’s thoughts at the other end of the line, but apparently his promise to cook is enough reason for Nino to agree. “Why are we doing this, J?” he whines when he drops by and Jun feeds him with an onigiri immediately. Nino is like a proud cat - you need to feed it to keep its mood raised.
“No reason.” Jun has prepared a few boxes. “When I hand you something you throw it into one of these. We’ll throw these into the trash later.”
Nino blinks, eyeing the watch in his hands. A present Sho gave Jun once. For a moment Jun thinks that Nino is going to ask him if he could keep it, but to his surprise he doesn’t. He throws it into the box and does what Jun can’t do alone. Get rid of all the memories he has of Sho, of all the signs that he was here regularly, that one part of his life was linked to Jun and to this place. Pictures, presents, even books. He pauses sometimes when he stumbles over something that makes his heart clench at the memory it brings, but Nino takes it out of his hands immediately and throws it away. This is why he asked Nino for help. He is the only one able to help him here and understand, without asking any questions.
He cooks for Nino later. And empties the bottle of cognac with him. It’s the last time he gets drunk because of Sho.
You're not here in my room
Regretting it now, once again
Wanting to touch those hands again Wanting to see those eyes again
The tears slip through and fall When I want you
There were days when you laughed with me
But seeing your eyes as you cried, muttering to me, “You idiot...”
Then, until we meet again
“See you”
No... please come back again
When Jun looks into the mirror he feels like there is a stranger, someone he doesn’t understand anymore. A lot of things have happened between them, and each and every time Jun found himself going back to Sho. He is sure he loves Sho, somewhere in a corner of his heart there has to be that innocent piece that used to love Sho beyond compromises, ready to sacrifice everything. Unfortunately with the years Jun has learned that he isn’t ready to sacrifice it all anymore.
When he tells that to Sho the night after he cleaned up his apartment with Nino, something inside him twitches so painfully that he feels breathless for a second, and Jun is almost relieved to feel like that. Like he is alive. A sign that Sho still means something to him. A sign that he still has feelings and that it’s not all numbed down.
“Why?” Sho asks silently. “Why so sudden? Up to now everything was alright. Why now?”
“I hate-“ Jun pauses, not sure how to continue.
When he doesn’t say anything, Sho takes the cue. He looks anxious, eyes wide open, lips quivering, and Jun realizes that Sho probably has seen the shattered pieces of their hearts too, all over the bedroom floor, making it difficult to breathe. “Me? You hate me?”
Maybe one part of him really hates Sho. Has come to hate him over the years, over the endless stabs Sho has given to his heart and because he himself has learned to kick back at him with the same force. Hating Sho would be so much easier, but it’s not the truth. “It’s not only you,” Jun finally answers quietly, his voice bland to his own ears. “I hate myself. I hate the person I am when I am with you.”
Jun wonders if he will ever start liking the man looking back at him in the mirror again.
No no no Where are you now? No no no Who are you showing your true face to now?
Jun writes a letter, to not make it end the way it did between them. He wants to make it still clear. He explains it all, as honest as he can be. I'm so sorry, Sho-san, I love you, but I can’t be your secret while you are getting engaged to someone else.
One part of him wants to yell at Sho and kick him and hate him with all he has, and actually this part does exactly that - well, he doesn’t literally kick him, but he hates him and keeps his distance. And the other part of him wants Sho to become happy, just like he wants himself to be happy. He isn’t ready to tell that Sho yet. But he hopes one day he can.
A/N: I apologize for the sad ending (it was requested as no happy end :-)) To be honest, I hardly write stories without a happy end, but this one actually came naturally and the ending fitted the writing flow for me. (I promise to give you a happier Sakumoto next time <3) I still hope you like it a bit though, despite the ending. <3