Something you like about me (Sakumoto)
Title: Something you like about me
Pairing: Sakumoto
Rating: PG-13
Beta: ryosukekoibito
Genre: romance
Summary: Is there really nothing at all? Sho feels shocked when Jun can't say what he likes about him.
Notes: Inspired by the Abunai Yakai episode, in which Jun was asked (multiple times :D) about his relationship with Sho, and what he likes about him.
“Is there really nothing at all?” Sho wants to know, his voice quivering slightly. He tries to make it sound steady, but by the way Jun frowns slightly and looks worried all of a sudden he knows he failed “Really nothing?”
Jun still blinks in confusion. “What?”
“Anything, Jun-san, I would take anything, really.” Even to his own ears he sounds like he’s begging Jun to say something, and Jun doesn’t seem to be sure what Sho wants him to say. He decides to buy himself some time, and continues packing his bag before he puts it to the side and turns around to face Jun fully. “It doesn’t matter what you say, or if it’s deep or not, I would really gladly take anything.”
“Sho-san, I don’t understand…” Jun pauses, something in his eyes flickers. He looks at Sho for a long while, making him shift around uncomfortably. “Are we talking about today’s show?” he asks carefully.
Sho shrugs, and blushes a bit. He bites on his lips slightly, but something inside his stomach tugs painfully.
“I don’t hate you, Sho-san,” Jun says all of a sudden, and his voice sounds unusually wary and nervous. “You know I don’t hate you! Don’t take what your co-hosts say seriously.”
“You don’t hate me,” Sho answers after a while, licking over his lips. He probably shouldn’t go that direction, he knows that, but he needs to know. Needs to face the truth. “but do you like me?”
“Like?” Something inside Jun’s eyes flickers yet again, and for a moment the glance in his eyes gets dark. Sho’s stomach twitches again. The sight just reminds him of memories of long ago.
“I don’t mean love,” Sho verifies immediately, though actually he means exactly that. But he can clearly see panic in Jun’s eyes, and he doesn’t want him to think he is mocking him or making fun of him… or wants to hurt him again like years ago. “But… like. Like friends.”
“Friends…” Jun suddenly looks uncomfortable.
Damn, he knew it, he shouldn’t have gone in that direction. Now it’s going to be awkward between them for weeks and maybe months, until they both convince themselves that they’ve forgotten about this conversation. He should have told Jun that he loved him years ago, when Jun confessed to Sho, not now when Jun has grown out of his feelings. Sometimes he misses the Jun from before, the young Jun who would cling to him and look at him in awe, but he has the feeling that this innocent and young Jun probably died years ago. What’s worse is the knowledge that he was most likely the one who emotionally killed him back then.
Jun used to love him. He told him he did. But at that time Sho was not ready to love anyone, or to admit to any feelings he might have.
~~~
The soup Aiba is eating drops out of his mouth again while Ohno stops moving his chopsticks halfway to his mouth. “You did what?” Aiba asks in surprise.
“I know, I know, so stupid.” Sho sighs miserably and decides to do the obvious: order another cup with ramen and one additional with chicken rice. He’s a comfort eater, damn it.
“Sho,” Ohno starts. “We talked about this years ago. You promised me that it would be the last time you would play with Jun’s feelings and-“
“Hey!” Sho huffs and chokes, some of the rice he is eating gets stuck in his nose. He sneezes. “I’m not playing with his feelings. I-“
“Satoshi-kun knows that,” Aiba interrupts him softly and throws a glare at Ohno. “It’s just his instinctive riida-reaction that’s not uncalled for but kind of over the top right now.”
Sho nods. Ohno was the one helping Jun to get over his feelings .
Ohno blushes a bit. “Sorry. It came out wrong. But you know what I mean. It took years for the both of you to be normal around each other and now you even hang out and have fun, all normal and casual, like all of us do. By asking him something like that is going to make it awkward again.”
“I know,” Sho sighs deeply, and orders teriyaki. “I just… I mean, there has to be something he likes about me?” He blushes slightly. “There is something likeable about me, isn’t there?”
Ohno smiles. “Of course there is.”
“But why didn’t he say anything?” Sho whines. “Everything he said was work related. He could say that about any other member.”
“Hm,” Aiba hums, before he puts his chopsticks aside. “Sho-chan, Jun doesn’t like getting cornered. Especially not when it’s about feelings, and even more so when it’s about you.”
Sho blinks, stirring in ramen for a while before he dips a piece of tempura into it. It tastes a bit too salty, but has the needed effect. Namely filling his stomach with food, and distracting him. “When it’s about me?” he asks after a long while.
Ohno’s eyes widen. “Of course! He never talks about you, you can’t tell me that you didn’t realize!”
“But why?”
“Did you just really ask that?”
Sho sighs deeply. “I know he had feelings back then, and I’m sorry that at that time I couldn’t return them, and-“
“At that time?” Ohno asks all of a sudden, eyes wide open like he just woke up. Sho wonders how he is able to do that… to just wake up from his haze and hear details he isn’t supposed to hear. “So now you have feelings for him?”
Sho flinches, visibly, before he can regather his composure and Ohno’s chopsticks drop into the bowl with udon, soup splashing to all sides. “Oh my god,” Ohno breaths out, making Sho blush deeply. “You like our group’s baby.”
Aiba giggles. “He’s not our baby anymore,” he grins. “He is over thirty. And he’s only slightly younger than Nino. He would be so mad if he heard you call him that.”
“That’s why I’m only saying it now,” Ohno tells him casually before he is all serious again. “But really, Sho-san, if you are not one, no, two hundred percent certain about this, and I mean two hundred, if not more, then back out. Go to Jun then and tell him you meant it all casually and wanted to improve your friendship.”
“And if I am?” Sho asks daringly, frowning slightly. He has never liked someone telling him what to do and how to do it, even when it’s Ohno. He understands though that Ohno is worried. “What if I like Jun? Are you telling me to fuck off then?”
“Don’t be an idiot,” Ohno huffs. “I-“
“Hush,” Aiba interrupt them, trying to sooth them by patting their arms. “No need to jump at each other. Jun is an adult. He can decide himself what he wants to do and who he likes. So if you like him, really do, then it’s your decision if you give yourself a chance. And none of us has the right to intervene.” He throws a warning glance at Ohno before he continues. “If you don’t love him though, then I’ll personally indeed tell you to fuck off.”
Sho smiles warily at Aiba. “Kick my butt if I mess it up?”
“Promise.”
Sho turns to look at Ohno. The latter frowns slightly, he doesn’t seem too happy. Sho can sympathize with that, really. If he was in Ohno’s position, he would be pretty pissed too. He can almost sense Ohno’s thoughts… You should know better than that. You shouldn’t mess around with a friend and co-worker. You shouldn’t ruin it again. You might hurt him again. Why are you doing this?
“I like him,” Sho says quietly, surprised by how open he can admit it. “I like Jun-san. Always did,” he repeats. “I like his dazzling smile, the way he laughs, and his obsession with bonsai trees. I like how he carries around a bag of herbs and teas. How he can’t decide what to eat and tries food from everyone else’s plate. The fact that he can be so hyped up and motivated. I like him dancing, and happy… I even like him sad, because he is so beautiful then.”
Ohno lets out a deep sigh. “Do what you want,” he grumbles half-heartedly.
It’s enough encouragement for Sho.
~~~
He is slightly encouraged by the sake he drank with Aiba, and decides to act on his newly found resolution before his courage leaves him again.
“Sho-san?” Jun’s eyes widen in surprise when he opens the door. He is wearing a black shirt and tight white pants. He looks like the fall-of-mankind in person, seriously. If Sho didn’t have the hots for Jun before, he would have it now.
However Jun’s slightly confused and appalled look in the eyes makes Sho sober up a little. “Hey,” he stutters. “I was in the area and thought about saying hi.”
“At two in the morning?” Jun asks in disbelief. He frowns, scanning Sho carefully before a knowing smile appears on his lips. He looks almost relieved. “You are drunk.”
“I AM NOT-“ Sho pauses. “A bit.”
Jun nods calmly. “Come in. You can have my sofa.”
Sho is too dumbfounded by that calm approach to do or say anything. He just follows Jun into his apartment, watching how he looks for an extra pillow and a blanket. His apartment changed so much. Jun changed so much. Sho reaches out a hand like he was trying to catch a vision, a fata morgana of the old Jun again. “Can’t you see it,” he mumbles and grasps Jun’s elbow to turn him around. He doesn’t give Jun any time to react, just leans forward to kiss him. Jun kisses him back, only for a moment though, then he draws back and slaps his palm across Sho’s cheek. Pretty hard actually. Sho gasps at the stinging pain.
“Don’t do reckless stuff that you don’t mean when you are drunk,” Jun yells at him and throws the pillow in his direction. Then he stomps off and locks himself into his bedroom.
Sho catches the pillow, and sighs. He rubs his cheek thoughtfully. Well, at least he got a reaction. Being kissed and slapped is definitely a start. And Jun looked flustered when he yelled at him and disappeared in his bedroom. Cute, he looks so cute when he is mad. And he kissed Sho back, only a second though, but he returned the kiss. Sho giggles and snuggles against his pillow.
~~~
The next morning Jun pretends like nothing even happened between them. It’s so weird that Sho almost wishes he would go back to yelling at him. Does he believe he can pretend they just dreamed everything or that Sho was so drunk that he can’t remember?
Before he leaves, he thanks Jun for letting him stay overnight. At the door sill he turns around though. “Jun-san,” he says earnestly. “I’m not doing things I don’t mean, may they be reckless or not.”
Jun suddenly grows pale.
Sho nods towards him and smiles, then he leaves. He doesn’t have the courage to tell him the following word directly, but he sends him a message.
Jun, I waited too long probably. But having you on my show and not able to say what you like about me, made me freak out and maybe react faster than I should have. I like you.
~~~
Ohno calls him only one day later, and Sho is relieved that they don’t have any rehearsals together the next day. Until weekend he hopes that everything calmed down. Up to then he hides from Ohno, and from Nino. Aiba however and his full-hearted good nature he can face.
“You are kidding me,” Aiba breaths out in amazement. “You kissed him, and he kissed you back? Are you sure?”
“I had his tongue in my mouth,” Sho says calmly and puts some tea on the table for them. “So, yes, I’m sure.”
Aiba giggles. “And then he slapped you?”
“Yeah, pretty hard actually. Had to cool my face the next day.”
Aiba grins. “You deserved it. I bet Jun waited for a looooong time to have an excuse to slap you.”
Sho smiles slightly. “Yes, that might be true.”
“And did he answer to your message?”
Sho frowns, something in his stomach jumping nervously. “Not yet,” he admits quietly. “Sometimes I can see the symbol that he is typing, but apparently he doesn’t have the nerve to send his message to me.”
“He is so proud.” Aiba sighs deeply. “You two are really difficult. So stubborn. Why can’t you just tell each other that you love the other person, and be happy. Just like everyone else.”
Just like everyone else. Sho frowns. Something inside his mind starts ringing, like he just found an important cue.
He types yet another message when Aiba left him alone again. I need you to know that I like you the way you are. I don’t expect you to lay your heart out open immediately. I thought I was in love with the young Jun, regretting that I refused him, and yes, I was in love with him, but right now I’m much more in love with the Jun of today. That’s why I asked you: Is there nothing about me you like?
~~~
Jun is wearing a black jacket, a brown hat and carries a huge umbrella. It’s raining outside. Sho is so surprised by his sudden visit that he almost drops back into his apartment again when he sees Jun in front of him.
Jun doesn’t greet him. “Did or didn’t I ask you to write rap lyrics for the title song of my drama?”
“You did,” Sho admits.
“And don’t you understand why I asked you? Why this was important for me?” Jun huffs.
Sho tilts his head, remembering the talk they had and how happy he felt that Jun wanted him to write these lyrics. A personal request. “Jun-“
“There are plenty of things I like about you,” Jun interrupts him, talking fast. His voice quivers slightly. “And there are things I love about you.”
“Love?” Sho eyes him curiously. “What do you love about me?”
“You stood up for me,” Jun admits shyly. “In February at the concerts. You stood up against those haters at the concert. I’ve learned to ignore those people, just like all of us do, but it meant a lot to me that you had the guts to call them out. I’ll never forget that.”
“Jun.” Sho smiles. “It’s nothing special-“
“It is,” Jun interrupts him firmly. “But Sho-san,” he continues and looks more open than he has looked in years. At least towards Sho. “Emotionally I just can’t get back to that time 15 years ago. I can’t put myself into that position ever again, not on national TV, not in front of others. I’m embarrassed by how I was once, by my younger self, and I can’t be like that anymore. If you want me to tell you something, if you want to know how I feel or what I think, you’ll always need to ask me personally, with no one around. And even then I can’t promise you to always answer you. I’m going to be bothersome like that, and I’m going to be tiring sometimes. Is this truly what you want? Do you even understand?”
Sho understands. It is painful to know that he could have had Jun a lot easier long ago, but he wasn’t ready back then. And it wouldn’t have had a good outcome with his immature younger self to care for someone.
He wishes it would be easier though. He wishes he could make jokes with Jun and hang out with him like he does with Aiba or that Jun would just tell him straight-forwardly what he thinks, like Ohno, but he knows it’s impossible. Jun isn’t like Aiba or Ohno, and their relationship is nothing alike. It doesn’t mean it’s less worth or less true though. He just needs to do things differently with Jun.
He takes Jun’s hand, and pulls him into his apartment. “Come,” he says softly. “And this time when I kiss you, promise me not to hit me.”
Jun smiles nervously, and nods. His hand feels warm around Sho’s. And this is more than Sho has ever expected to happen. He is not going to mess this up. He knows that.
Pairing: Sakumoto
Rating: PG-13
Beta: ryosukekoibito
Genre: romance
Summary: Is there really nothing at all? Sho feels shocked when Jun can't say what he likes about him.
Notes: Inspired by the Abunai Yakai episode, in which Jun was asked (multiple times :D) about his relationship with Sho, and what he likes about him.
“Is there really nothing at all?” Sho wants to know, his voice quivering slightly. He tries to make it sound steady, but by the way Jun frowns slightly and looks worried all of a sudden he knows he failed “Really nothing?”
Jun still blinks in confusion. “What?”
“Anything, Jun-san, I would take anything, really.” Even to his own ears he sounds like he’s begging Jun to say something, and Jun doesn’t seem to be sure what Sho wants him to say. He decides to buy himself some time, and continues packing his bag before he puts it to the side and turns around to face Jun fully. “It doesn’t matter what you say, or if it’s deep or not, I would really gladly take anything.”
“Sho-san, I don’t understand…” Jun pauses, something in his eyes flickers. He looks at Sho for a long while, making him shift around uncomfortably. “Are we talking about today’s show?” he asks carefully.
Sho shrugs, and blushes a bit. He bites on his lips slightly, but something inside his stomach tugs painfully.
“I don’t hate you, Sho-san,” Jun says all of a sudden, and his voice sounds unusually wary and nervous. “You know I don’t hate you! Don’t take what your co-hosts say seriously.”
“You don’t hate me,” Sho answers after a while, licking over his lips. He probably shouldn’t go that direction, he knows that, but he needs to know. Needs to face the truth. “but do you like me?”
“Like?” Something inside Jun’s eyes flickers yet again, and for a moment the glance in his eyes gets dark. Sho’s stomach twitches again. The sight just reminds him of memories of long ago.
“I don’t mean love,” Sho verifies immediately, though actually he means exactly that. But he can clearly see panic in Jun’s eyes, and he doesn’t want him to think he is mocking him or making fun of him… or wants to hurt him again like years ago. “But… like. Like friends.”
“Friends…” Jun suddenly looks uncomfortable.
Damn, he knew it, he shouldn’t have gone in that direction. Now it’s going to be awkward between them for weeks and maybe months, until they both convince themselves that they’ve forgotten about this conversation. He should have told Jun that he loved him years ago, when Jun confessed to Sho, not now when Jun has grown out of his feelings. Sometimes he misses the Jun from before, the young Jun who would cling to him and look at him in awe, but he has the feeling that this innocent and young Jun probably died years ago. What’s worse is the knowledge that he was most likely the one who emotionally killed him back then.
Jun used to love him. He told him he did. But at that time Sho was not ready to love anyone, or to admit to any feelings he might have.
~~~
The soup Aiba is eating drops out of his mouth again while Ohno stops moving his chopsticks halfway to his mouth. “You did what?” Aiba asks in surprise.
“I know, I know, so stupid.” Sho sighs miserably and decides to do the obvious: order another cup with ramen and one additional with chicken rice. He’s a comfort eater, damn it.
“Sho,” Ohno starts. “We talked about this years ago. You promised me that it would be the last time you would play with Jun’s feelings and-“
“Hey!” Sho huffs and chokes, some of the rice he is eating gets stuck in his nose. He sneezes. “I’m not playing with his feelings. I-“
“Satoshi-kun knows that,” Aiba interrupts him softly and throws a glare at Ohno. “It’s just his instinctive riida-reaction that’s not uncalled for but kind of over the top right now.”
Sho nods. Ohno was the one helping Jun to get over his feelings .
Ohno blushes a bit. “Sorry. It came out wrong. But you know what I mean. It took years for the both of you to be normal around each other and now you even hang out and have fun, all normal and casual, like all of us do. By asking him something like that is going to make it awkward again.”
“I know,” Sho sighs deeply, and orders teriyaki. “I just… I mean, there has to be something he likes about me?” He blushes slightly. “There is something likeable about me, isn’t there?”
Ohno smiles. “Of course there is.”
“But why didn’t he say anything?” Sho whines. “Everything he said was work related. He could say that about any other member.”
“Hm,” Aiba hums, before he puts his chopsticks aside. “Sho-chan, Jun doesn’t like getting cornered. Especially not when it’s about feelings, and even more so when it’s about you.”
Sho blinks, stirring in ramen for a while before he dips a piece of tempura into it. It tastes a bit too salty, but has the needed effect. Namely filling his stomach with food, and distracting him. “When it’s about me?” he asks after a long while.
Ohno’s eyes widen. “Of course! He never talks about you, you can’t tell me that you didn’t realize!”
“But why?”
“Did you just really ask that?”
Sho sighs deeply. “I know he had feelings back then, and I’m sorry that at that time I couldn’t return them, and-“
“At that time?” Ohno asks all of a sudden, eyes wide open like he just woke up. Sho wonders how he is able to do that… to just wake up from his haze and hear details he isn’t supposed to hear. “So now you have feelings for him?”
Sho flinches, visibly, before he can regather his composure and Ohno’s chopsticks drop into the bowl with udon, soup splashing to all sides. “Oh my god,” Ohno breaths out, making Sho blush deeply. “You like our group’s baby.”
Aiba giggles. “He’s not our baby anymore,” he grins. “He is over thirty. And he’s only slightly younger than Nino. He would be so mad if he heard you call him that.”
“That’s why I’m only saying it now,” Ohno tells him casually before he is all serious again. “But really, Sho-san, if you are not one, no, two hundred percent certain about this, and I mean two hundred, if not more, then back out. Go to Jun then and tell him you meant it all casually and wanted to improve your friendship.”
“And if I am?” Sho asks daringly, frowning slightly. He has never liked someone telling him what to do and how to do it, even when it’s Ohno. He understands though that Ohno is worried. “What if I like Jun? Are you telling me to fuck off then?”
“Don’t be an idiot,” Ohno huffs. “I-“
“Hush,” Aiba interrupt them, trying to sooth them by patting their arms. “No need to jump at each other. Jun is an adult. He can decide himself what he wants to do and who he likes. So if you like him, really do, then it’s your decision if you give yourself a chance. And none of us has the right to intervene.” He throws a warning glance at Ohno before he continues. “If you don’t love him though, then I’ll personally indeed tell you to fuck off.”
Sho smiles warily at Aiba. “Kick my butt if I mess it up?”
“Promise.”
Sho turns to look at Ohno. The latter frowns slightly, he doesn’t seem too happy. Sho can sympathize with that, really. If he was in Ohno’s position, he would be pretty pissed too. He can almost sense Ohno’s thoughts… You should know better than that. You shouldn’t mess around with a friend and co-worker. You shouldn’t ruin it again. You might hurt him again. Why are you doing this?
“I like him,” Sho says quietly, surprised by how open he can admit it. “I like Jun-san. Always did,” he repeats. “I like his dazzling smile, the way he laughs, and his obsession with bonsai trees. I like how he carries around a bag of herbs and teas. How he can’t decide what to eat and tries food from everyone else’s plate. The fact that he can be so hyped up and motivated. I like him dancing, and happy… I even like him sad, because he is so beautiful then.”
Ohno lets out a deep sigh. “Do what you want,” he grumbles half-heartedly.
It’s enough encouragement for Sho.
~~~
He is slightly encouraged by the sake he drank with Aiba, and decides to act on his newly found resolution before his courage leaves him again.
“Sho-san?” Jun’s eyes widen in surprise when he opens the door. He is wearing a black shirt and tight white pants. He looks like the fall-of-mankind in person, seriously. If Sho didn’t have the hots for Jun before, he would have it now.
However Jun’s slightly confused and appalled look in the eyes makes Sho sober up a little. “Hey,” he stutters. “I was in the area and thought about saying hi.”
“At two in the morning?” Jun asks in disbelief. He frowns, scanning Sho carefully before a knowing smile appears on his lips. He looks almost relieved. “You are drunk.”
“I AM NOT-“ Sho pauses. “A bit.”
Jun nods calmly. “Come in. You can have my sofa.”
Sho is too dumbfounded by that calm approach to do or say anything. He just follows Jun into his apartment, watching how he looks for an extra pillow and a blanket. His apartment changed so much. Jun changed so much. Sho reaches out a hand like he was trying to catch a vision, a fata morgana of the old Jun again. “Can’t you see it,” he mumbles and grasps Jun’s elbow to turn him around. He doesn’t give Jun any time to react, just leans forward to kiss him. Jun kisses him back, only for a moment though, then he draws back and slaps his palm across Sho’s cheek. Pretty hard actually. Sho gasps at the stinging pain.
“Don’t do reckless stuff that you don’t mean when you are drunk,” Jun yells at him and throws the pillow in his direction. Then he stomps off and locks himself into his bedroom.
Sho catches the pillow, and sighs. He rubs his cheek thoughtfully. Well, at least he got a reaction. Being kissed and slapped is definitely a start. And Jun looked flustered when he yelled at him and disappeared in his bedroom. Cute, he looks so cute when he is mad. And he kissed Sho back, only a second though, but he returned the kiss. Sho giggles and snuggles against his pillow.
~~~
The next morning Jun pretends like nothing even happened between them. It’s so weird that Sho almost wishes he would go back to yelling at him. Does he believe he can pretend they just dreamed everything or that Sho was so drunk that he can’t remember?
Before he leaves, he thanks Jun for letting him stay overnight. At the door sill he turns around though. “Jun-san,” he says earnestly. “I’m not doing things I don’t mean, may they be reckless or not.”
Jun suddenly grows pale.
Sho nods towards him and smiles, then he leaves. He doesn’t have the courage to tell him the following word directly, but he sends him a message.
Jun, I waited too long probably. But having you on my show and not able to say what you like about me, made me freak out and maybe react faster than I should have. I like you.
~~~
Ohno calls him only one day later, and Sho is relieved that they don’t have any rehearsals together the next day. Until weekend he hopes that everything calmed down. Up to then he hides from Ohno, and from Nino. Aiba however and his full-hearted good nature he can face.
“You are kidding me,” Aiba breaths out in amazement. “You kissed him, and he kissed you back? Are you sure?”
“I had his tongue in my mouth,” Sho says calmly and puts some tea on the table for them. “So, yes, I’m sure.”
Aiba giggles. “And then he slapped you?”
“Yeah, pretty hard actually. Had to cool my face the next day.”
Aiba grins. “You deserved it. I bet Jun waited for a looooong time to have an excuse to slap you.”
Sho smiles slightly. “Yes, that might be true.”
“And did he answer to your message?”
Sho frowns, something in his stomach jumping nervously. “Not yet,” he admits quietly. “Sometimes I can see the symbol that he is typing, but apparently he doesn’t have the nerve to send his message to me.”
“He is so proud.” Aiba sighs deeply. “You two are really difficult. So stubborn. Why can’t you just tell each other that you love the other person, and be happy. Just like everyone else.”
Just like everyone else. Sho frowns. Something inside his mind starts ringing, like he just found an important cue.
He types yet another message when Aiba left him alone again. I need you to know that I like you the way you are. I don’t expect you to lay your heart out open immediately. I thought I was in love with the young Jun, regretting that I refused him, and yes, I was in love with him, but right now I’m much more in love with the Jun of today. That’s why I asked you: Is there nothing about me you like?
~~~
Jun is wearing a black jacket, a brown hat and carries a huge umbrella. It’s raining outside. Sho is so surprised by his sudden visit that he almost drops back into his apartment again when he sees Jun in front of him.
Jun doesn’t greet him. “Did or didn’t I ask you to write rap lyrics for the title song of my drama?”
“You did,” Sho admits.
“And don’t you understand why I asked you? Why this was important for me?” Jun huffs.
Sho tilts his head, remembering the talk they had and how happy he felt that Jun wanted him to write these lyrics. A personal request. “Jun-“
“There are plenty of things I like about you,” Jun interrupts him, talking fast. His voice quivers slightly. “And there are things I love about you.”
“Love?” Sho eyes him curiously. “What do you love about me?”
“You stood up for me,” Jun admits shyly. “In February at the concerts. You stood up against those haters at the concert. I’ve learned to ignore those people, just like all of us do, but it meant a lot to me that you had the guts to call them out. I’ll never forget that.”
“Jun.” Sho smiles. “It’s nothing special-“
“It is,” Jun interrupts him firmly. “But Sho-san,” he continues and looks more open than he has looked in years. At least towards Sho. “Emotionally I just can’t get back to that time 15 years ago. I can’t put myself into that position ever again, not on national TV, not in front of others. I’m embarrassed by how I was once, by my younger self, and I can’t be like that anymore. If you want me to tell you something, if you want to know how I feel or what I think, you’ll always need to ask me personally, with no one around. And even then I can’t promise you to always answer you. I’m going to be bothersome like that, and I’m going to be tiring sometimes. Is this truly what you want? Do you even understand?”
Sho understands. It is painful to know that he could have had Jun a lot easier long ago, but he wasn’t ready back then. And it wouldn’t have had a good outcome with his immature younger self to care for someone.
He wishes it would be easier though. He wishes he could make jokes with Jun and hang out with him like he does with Aiba or that Jun would just tell him straight-forwardly what he thinks, like Ohno, but he knows it’s impossible. Jun isn’t like Aiba or Ohno, and their relationship is nothing alike. It doesn’t mean it’s less worth or less true though. He just needs to do things differently with Jun.
He takes Jun’s hand, and pulls him into his apartment. “Come,” he says softly. “And this time when I kiss you, promise me not to hit me.”
Jun smiles nervously, and nods. His hand feels warm around Sho’s. And this is more than Sho has ever expected to happen. He is not going to mess this up. He knows that.