Fanfic: Never Forgotten
Never Forgotten Part 2
Hiro closed his eyes in desperation and let a moan slip from his lips. The other had true potential. The licks and sucks were still inexperienced, but Taisuke was teasing him here out of his mind. Why had he allowed the other to give him a blowjob?
Ah right; he was strangely weak to the other’s begging. Normally, he was someone who could tell a person off without batting an eye. Not that he wanted to tell the other off, but at least be a little bit more successful in refusing him. Taisuke had become a real weakness to him.
He had to admit though that he was enjoying what the other was doing. Taisuke was a little clumsy, but just like usually he did it straightforward and that made up for the lack of practice and he enjoyed it way more than the skilled blowjobs he had gotten so far.
When the other finally started to bob his head his teeth accidentally grazed his tip and the other immediately stopped and looked worriedly at him.
As it had happened, he had to suck in his breath, because the sensation had felt quite good.
“It’s okay, don’t worry. It feels good.” He reassured the other who was looking at him with big guilty eyes while still having the tip of his member in his mouth and he looked so damn hot.
If it wasn’t Taisuke he would probably thrust his member up in his mouth, but fuck, it was Taisuke and he knew he had to keep himself under control.
The other started to bob his head again and had some trouble to come till to the base and in the end helped himself with his hand.
Something like that always made Hiro feel good. It was a boost for his ego, since he was not really the tallest, but at least he could be proud of what he had in his pants.
He arched his back of the bed and pressed his eyes close. By now, he was really close and he tugged warningly at Taisuke’s hair, but the other didn’t budge and he couldn’t hold it anymore.
Taisuke pulled back surprised and got some on his cheek.
“Now I get what you wanted to tell me when you tugged at my hair.”
“Sorry, my voice wasn’t really working.
“Well, I should have expected it, but somehow I forgot about that part.”
Hiro sat up and took some tissues from the nightstand and cleaned the other’s face up.
“You are really something. To forget about coming, but whatever, you don’t need to worry. I just got myself tested and I am totally healthy.”
“Huh?”
“I am talking about AIDS and similar diseases.”
“Oh.”
”As I said, no need to worry. I haven’t slept with anyone since I got checked.”
“There is really a lot to consider.”
“Well, I guess it’s good that you asked me about sex after all, ne.” He flicked his finger against the other’s nose playfully and lovingly.
“I’ve been curious for a long time, but it’s hard to ask about stuff like that.”
Hiro couldn’t help but think how cute the other was and kissed him on the cheek, which only made him blush again.
“So what do we do about you then?” He asked and wrapped his fingers around the other’s erection.
“Uhm…”
”Want me to return the favour? You should be clean as well as a virgin.”
“If you don’t mind.”
“Just don’t expect anything too mind-blowing. As I said earlier, I have never done this either.”
He pushed the other down where he had lain earlier and spread his legs so he could comfortably lie in between them.
Taisuke’s eyes were big as they watched him and he seriously hoped he was going to do this right and not disappoint the other.
He licked along the other’s member and just as he thought it felt weird, Taisuke made a strangled sound and his hips jerked. It wasn’t all that difficult, he thought pleased and placed both his hands on either side of the other’s hips to press him down onto the mattress. He was glad the other had bucked his hip when he still didn’t have much in his mouth and he had gotten warned.
Teasing the other’s member a little, he had to force him down the whole time, but he was luckily quite a bit stronger and when he was sure he had a good grip on him he took him into his mouth fully. He was glad that Taisuke wasn’t all that big. It made it a lot easier for him.
To his surprise, he actually liked it. Taisuke showed him openly how he felt and he liked how he got to know how much the other enjoyed it.
~*~
Taisuke knew he shouldn’t move so much and wiggle, but it was impossible to keep still. If the older one was saying the truth, he was a true natural. It was hard to imagine that the other had no practice. His body was so hot and he felt like he was going to faint any minute. It was just too much for him to handle, but he didn’t want to miss one second. He was glad that Hiro kept his hips down like that or he would have to feel guilty about thrusting up into the other’s mouth. Hiro’s mouth was so wet and warm and even if he had imagined stuff like that, it was not even close to what he had come up with. Before he could really comprehend what had happened, he had come into the other’s mouth.
He panted and watched the other, who took a sip from his water bottle that was standing next to his bed.
“I am sorry; I should have warned you…I…it happened so fast. I should have been able to hold it longer…uwah, are you okay?”
“Don’t worry about it. It is your first time experiencing it with another person, right? I am totally fine. Moreover, it was quite interesting to find out that you mewl when you come.”
Taisuke felt how he blushed.
Hiro leaned towards him and their lips met. Immediately, Taisuke wrapped his arms around the other’s neck and pulled him closer till he toppled on top of him.
He pushed his tongue into the other’s mouth and was happy Hiro let him. This was all so exciting and new for him.
“To me it feels like you want more.” Hiro said to him when they pulled apart and playfully nibbled at his collarbone.
“Yes, I want to experience it all.”
“All?”
“Yeah.”
He saw the older one look thoughtfully at him.
~*~
Hiro was in a dilemma. On the one hand Taisuke was quite innocent and probably not that aware of how painful it could be, especially if he didn’t relax and he wanted the other’s first experiences to be nice. He on the other hand didn’t want to be the bottom either. That was totally against his principles and only the thought made him shiver.
“Okay.”
”Really? You are going to do it with me?”
“Yeah, and for that we have to switch positions.”
“We do?”
Taisuke asked him confused and Hiro pushed the other up and lay down on his back.
“Yeah, because we are going to do it like this.”
”Like this? Wait, do you mean…me…you? Are you serious?”
“Yes, I am.”
“But…”Taisuke looked at him really unsure, but he looked at him reassuringly. Probably more confident, than he really felt.
“I know you can do it. Just follow my instructions.”
“Okay, if you say so.”
“Stop looking so worried.”
“It’s just, I am scared I’ll hurt you.”
“I’ll be fine.” He will be able to deal with it better than Taisuke and that was the reason he was going to do this. Really, it was crazy what he was doing for this boy. What did he do to him? Had he bewitched him?
“Okay, first of all, put on the condom, because your hands will be soon slick with lube and then it will be troublesome to put it on.”
The younger one sat between his legs and nodded. On his shaking hands Hiro could see how nervous he was. The younger one fiddled a little with the condom-pack till it finally opened. He sent him one short glance before he pumped his cock a few times and then tired to put it on. Hiro would have laughed if it wasn’t mean. It really looked very clumsy and Taisuke even managed to make the condom spring away. The other immediately got up to search for it.
“Wait, I think I have a second one.” Hiro fished in his bag again and he really found another one.
“I found it! It’s okay.” Taisuke bounced back on the bed and he took the condom from the younger one’s hand.
“Come here, I will put it on for you.” He sat up and placed his hand on the small of his back. Rolling on the condom, he frowned. It was a mystery to him how the other had managed to make it spring away. The condom was loose around the other’s member since he had bought it for himself, and his seize and Taisuke’s differed some. That worried him because he didn’t want the condom to get off when they really did it. Sex without a condom was really a no go for him no matter what.
“Okay, let’s hope it stays were it is.”
“I am a little too small.”
“You are not too small, it is too big.” He said decidedly, because there was no need for the other to get complexes.
Taisuke nodded and he gave him the lube.
“Okay, this is really important now, especially for me. You have to lube your fingers throughout and well, then you have to prepare me. Slowly, okay. I am not used to this at all. So I will tell you when you can add another finger. In other words, one after another and slow.” He repeated the word because he was really a little worried about this. Not because he thought Taisuke would hurt him on propose, but better too slow than too fast.
Taisuke nodded and fiddled with the lube. Now his hands were shaking even more. He had to be nervous like hell.
The younger one dropped the lube on the covers and picked it up with a nervous laugh. When he dropped it a second time right after, he hung his head.
“Hiro, I…I can’t do this, but…” He looked desperately on him and he looked back thoughtfully.
“Okay.” It was probably even better if they didn’t do it like this. Taisuke was too nervous and the condom was loose as well. He sat up again and pulled the younger one into his arms. Taisuke’s arms immediately wrapped around his neck and he held the younger one close.
“It’s okay, you can calm down now.”
Taisuke pressed even closer to him.
“I think it would be better if you were the one who leads. Don’t you think so?”
“Hmm…”
“You don’t want me to be in that position?” Taisuke asked perplexed.
“No, not really.”
“Why not?” He asked confused.
“Well, as I said earlier, it might be painful.”
Taisuke took the lube he had dropped a few minutes ago and shoved it into his hands.
“That will help.” He then pushed him away determined so that he could lie down on his back.
“I trust you, Mitsu, you know that.”
“I know.”
“Let it be a new experience for the both of us.” Taisuke looked at him encouragingly and he couldn’t help but think how twisted this situation was. Now Taisuke was the one reassuring him and he thought it was strange how comfortable he suddenly seemed. How weird. Oh, there was his favourite adjective for the other again.
“Don’t take this too lightly.” He said warningly as he grabbed the second condom.
“I know I can trust you.” Taisuke said calmly and for a few seconds he wondered how he had managed to win all that trust.
He tore the wrapper of the condom open with his teeth and the eyes of the other suddenly got big.
“What?”
“Just now that looked incredibly sexy. I always thought you were cool, but maybe you are rather sexy.”
Hiro chuckled and rolled the condom on easily. When he picked the lube up he breathed in deeply. He could understand why the other had not been able to do it. The responsibility he was feeling weighted heavily on his shoulders.
Okay, he could do this. He slicked his fingers throughout and then looked down at Taisuke.
“Can you do me a favour? Can you hug your legs to you chest?”
The other complied immediately and he took another big breath.
“Tell me if I hurt you, I’ll try to make it better then. Most of all, you have to relax or it will hurt unnecessarily, even though it will probably be hard.”
~*~
Taisuke nodded and tried to relax his body. His heart was beating like crazy in his chest, but not because he was scared, but because he was so excited. He had seen the wonder in Hiro’s eyes when he had readily lain down on his back, but he really preferred Hiro to be in charge since the other was more cool-headed than he was.
Hiro put a hand on his hip and then he could feel the other’s fingers graze his butt. The older one was rubbing his middle finger over his entrance while his gaze was fixed on his face. For a split second, he wondered how he had to look, but he totally forgot about that when he felt something enter him.
It was strange and weird and he didn’t really like it.
“Taipi relax. Your whole body is tense.”
The older one had been right. It was easier said than done. While struggling with himself, Hiro leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his open lips. And another one. And another one. He kept doing that and Taisuke kind of got amused by it. How the other pulled back and leaned right after forward again, just to give him a kiss. When the finger moved into him deeper he realized that he had relaxed quite some.
The preparing took some time. Taisuke wasn’t looking at the clock, but Hiro definitely took it slow.
As surprising as it was, he was getting used to the feeling of getting stretched. He was not even sure how many fingers the other had pushed into him.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I think I am ready?”
“Hm, you do?” Hiro kept stretching him for a few minutes longer before he removed his fingers and cleaned them on the covers.
“Okay so, you can still back out.”
“To me it seems more like you are the one who wants to chicken out?”
“Hey!”
He grinned at the other and somehow that seemed to make Hiro feel at ease since he made him let go of his legs and instead wrapped them around his waist. The older one crawled over him and he buried his hands in his dark hair and pulled him down for a kiss. While they kissed he felt something nudge his entrance and he closed his eyes while he anticipated for Hiro to finally push into him.
When it happened, he felt how all the air in his lungs got pressed out of him and he was gasping for oxygen. Hiro was kissing him wildly while he tried to push steadily and slowly into him. He could feel that, but it still hurt.
His hands wandered from his hair to his back because he needed something to hold onto better. He was probably hurting the other with his nails, but Hiro didn’t say anything and instead shifted slightly and he had to gasp.
“Murp…fffffflup.”
The other looked at him puzzled.
“There, so good. What the hell…is that?” He pressed out and Hiro got a knowing look in his eyes.
The other rocked his hip against his and he had to throw his head back. Seriously, what was that? It felt like Hiro was prodding ‘something’, but he didn’t know what that something was.
“More.” It was not more than a gasp, but Hiro pulled out more before he pushed right back in.
~*~
Hiro was astonished, but apparently Taisuke was really enjoying it. He rocked his hips less carefully against his because it was really difficult to hold back like that and the sounds that spilled out of Taisuke’s mouth were like music to his ears. The juniors in the room next to them could probably hear them, since Taisuke had quite a big tone range, and he was showing his pleasure through groans and moans as well, but by now it was close to midnight and most of them were likely knocked out by practice. He would be too, if he didn’t have such an active and curious roommate.
Their bodies were slick with sweat and he could feel Taisuke’s nails scratch over his back and he had never believed it when someone had told him it was erotic, but it really was. Their skin rubbed together and he was hot all over. He had some trouble to sneak one hand between their bodies because Taisuke was pulling him with his legs so close and was meeting his thrusts.
The other clamped down on him hard when he finally could wrap his fingers around him. Teasing his erection, he pressed their open mouths together and it did not really turn out to be a proper kiss, but he didn’t care.
It didn’t surprise him that he came first. The other was just so damn tight. At first he had seriously doubted whether he was going to fit into him, but the human body was amazing. For a few seconds, he had to place his head on the other’s shoulder and calm down. When he was a little bit clearer in his head he jerked the other off and he came shortly after.
“I feel sweaty.” Taisuke said while he blinking tiredly at him. Had he really managed to tire out his bouncy roommate?
“That comes with sex, silly.” He pulled out carefully, but he saw the other wince though.
“You will have it tough tomorrow.”
“Maybe, but I liked it though.” He pushed some of his sweaty hair away and then pealed the condoms off both of them and forced himself to get up and throw them away.
Crawling under the covers he pulled them over the other and closed contently his eyes. Now nothing in the world could get him to move again.
“The bed is yucky.”
“Tomorrow we’ll sleep in your bed.” he wrapped his arm around the other and that made him shut up. His hand grazed the other’s hip and he remembered how tightly he had held him there. Hopefully, Taisuke was not going to bruise
~°~*~°~
He woke up with a start. Groaning, Taisuke rolled on his side. He had almost forgotten that memory. Pushed it to the back of his mind to get rid of it and now it was hunting him in his dream. How awful.
He felt even more awful when he noticed that his boxer felt strange and he didn’t even need to check to know what had happened. Cursing Kitayama colourfully, he got himself out of bed and under the shower.
He had to clean himself from this yucky and disgusting memory. The memory itself was actually quite nice, he had to admit. That moment he had liked what had happened, but what made him feel like throwing up whenever he remembered it, were the years that had followed. Kitayama should suffer in hell, in his opinion. That arse didn’t deserve it otherwise.
He scrubbed his skin as if he could wash the tingling touches he still felt away, make them disappear through that. He knew quite well though that it was his brain that was supplying him with these feelings.
Putting on new clothes he scuffled back to his room and closed the door. He curled up on his bed.
After his eventful night with Kitayama, their relationship had not changed much. They had still joked around and Kitayama’s lap had stayed his number one place to rest. Sometimes they had even kissed, but nothing further than that. Kitayama cuddled him when he wanted it, but he had somehow expected more to change, for them to treat each other differently. He had given the other his first time and hinted a few times that it did mean something to him. With less success. The other had treated him affectionately and ruffled his hair when he had dropped one of his hints. He had wanted the other to take him more seriously. The most awful had been the day he had confessed to Kitayama, though. He had told him he felt something for him, more than friendship and that he wanted more.
Kitayama’s answer had been sobering and everything he had not wanted to hear.
That he was only feeling that way because they had shared a night together, and because of that he was not really feeling love towards him, that he was still young and his hormones were playing with him.
On that day, he had danced wildly for hours in the practice room alone to not go havoc, till his every muscle had protested and he had to stop.
He had tried his hardest to not change the way he treated Kitayama. He didn’t want to seem like a moping little boy because his feelings didn’t get returned. It had been awful for him, though. Especially, when they had gotten to be in the same group. What did he do wrong to deserve that? He had felt like quitting many times, but dancing and singing was his life. When he had not been able to act anymore like he could be friends with Kitayama and showed him the cold shoulder, he had felt a lot better and his heart had felt lighter as well. No real love, my ass. Why had he been suffering that much because of it then? Because of some pseudo-feelings he had because Kitayama was sexually attractive for him? That was supposed to be all? The hell.
In the end, the other had treated him like a little kid and not taken him and his feelings seriously.
The worst was though the fan service the other did. Of course, he was doing it, too, but only when he was ordered to. By directors, photographers, managers and sometimes Johnny himself. He didn’t understand why he and Kitayama had so many fans that liked them together. Were they blind? Couldn’t they see the thick wall between them? The hard feelings?
That was probably Kitayama’s fault. For looking at him for confirmation on talk-segments, sometimes choosing to stand next to him instead of letting Tamamori stand between them and the worst was his recent comment he had made on the Johnny’s sports day. Burning love? Was he kidding him? Acting like he was the one chasing him and not being able to reach him. Kitayama was the one who had not wanted him and not shown any emotions when Taisuke had turned his back on him and simply accepted it like that. What the hell was he trying to archive with saying such things? To make him even more mad? Oh, if the other had any idea how much his feelings were still eating him from the inside and how mad he was at him. There was no need to fuel him. He felt everyday like kicking his ass. Working with him was a pain, especially because of all the damn solo stuff they had to do.
He couldn’t believe that he was thinking about it again. After so many years he was still not over it, still not over him.
It was enough to make him feel like he wanted to tear his hair out.
Pulling his blanket over his head he tried to will himself to sleep.
The worst was when he entered their dressing room the next day and the only one there was Kitayama. And here he had already been happy because they had no filming together today.
“Morning.” He grumbled and put his bag down.
“Morning, you look awful. Oh and we got requested to do some fan service again to promote ‘BeginnerS!’”
“Not everyone can be such a sunshine as you. Leave me out of it. You are good at doing fan service alone. There is no need for me to participate.” Seriously, this morning couldn’t start any worse. He needed coffee. Preferably black. He would probably have reacted differently if he had not dreamed about his first time, but because of that he was a ticking bomb.
“Hey, what's that supposed to mean? We are supposed to do this together.”
“What I mean is the stunt you pulled at Sport Day. What the hell where you thinking? I am running away from you? Burning love? Is something wrong with your brain?”
“Oh come on, I was just joking. Everyone knows it. Your ‘what the fuck’ face made that quite clear. Moreover, it is not that wrong either.”
“Not that wrong? Are you kidding me?” His voice got louder and he didn’t feel like lowering it the slightest bit.
“What? It was you who out of the blue turned your back on me. You stopped talking to me.”
So finally, they had that conversation. He had always wondered if it would ever come. Now that they approached the topic he was scared of the outcome. They both had responsibilities towards Kis-my-ft2. He couldn’t just shut up though.
“You have no fucking idea what you are talking about. I just couldn’t bear to act anymore like we were friends!”
Taisuke could see, how what he had said or rather screamed, hit the other hard.
“What…” The other’s voice died away.
“Yeah, you heard right. All this pretending and acting hurt and was exhausting. I have my limits, too.”
“Why…what…Are you saying you never wanted to be my friend?”
Taisuke laughed and it sounded cold and foreign to his own ears.
“Don’t act all clueless. You know exactly how I felt about you in the beginning. I even told you so and you made me feel like an idiot. Not taking me seriously and acting like my feelings were nothing. Not wanting to be your friend? Yeah, maybe you are right. I wanted to be something else, more than a friend.”
“I…I didn’t mean…”
”You didn’t mean to hurt me? Did you seriously think it would mean nothing to me that I gave you my first time? Do you think I only slept with you because I was horny? I even told you I trusted you! And you were the one who told me I should consider more so that I would not regret it. Why was it you than that made me regret?”
Kitayama looked extremely pale, but he couldn’t pity him. All he was feeling were the bitter feelings that had tortured him for so long and even though he was finally letting them out on Kitayama, he was not feeling the slightest bit better.
“I am sorry. You were still very young and…”
Kitayama didn’t expect the hand coming his way and he couldn’t dodge it at all. Taisuke looked at him angrily and the younger one could feel the tears burning in his eyes.
“So because I was so much younger than you, my feelings were not real? Didn’t have a meaning? Asshole.”
He couldn’t face the other anymore. He had already slapped him. Who knew what happened if he stayed with him in a room any longer. The rooftop sounded like a good idea right now.
~*~
Hiro looked after the other and moved his hand towards his split lip.
“Yo, Kitamitsu.” He didn’t know if it was good that Yokoo entered the room. Taisuke’s best friend.
“Whoa, what happened with your face?”
“Taisuke slapped me. Quite hard.” Well, he wanted to talk about it though. The things that Taisuke had said were swirling in his head and he was the ass anyway. He admitted that.
“He did?” The other furrowed his brows.
“A lot of things make sense to me now and I feel really stupid and like an idiot, no, a bastard. I did the worst possible to him.”
Yokoo stopped his every move and then sat down slowly.
“You know that I am probably not the right person to talk about that with. I am Taisuke’s best friend.”
“I know, but I guess I wouldn’t mind getting punched.”
“You are seriously worrying me. What did you do to him?”
“Has he ever told you about us?”
“Eh, he told me that he can’t deal with you and that I should stop trying to make you get along with each other.”
”So I guess he didn’t say a word.”
“What do you mean?”
”He never told you that we once had sex.”
”You slept with Taisuke?” Yokoo’s eyes got wide and he could see how shocked he was.
“Actually…”
”Yes?”
“He even gave me his first time.”
Yokoo sat still for several minutes.
“You were his first? But when…”
“During Arashi’s tour. When we shared a hotel room.”
“That early?” If it was even possible Yokoo’s eyes widened even more.
“Yeah.”
“So what do you mean you did the worst possible to him? Wait no, you didn’t…it can’t be.”
Hiro looked confused at the other. What was he thinking? Then it suddenly hit him.
“Oh God no, I didn’t rape him!”
“Oh good. For a second I was scared.”
“I might have done something horrible but not that horrible.”
“Then he slept with you out of his free will?” Yokoo seemed to want to make sure.
“He asked me if I would sleep with him, so yeah, it was out of his free will.”
“He asked you?”
“To me, he had seemed quite curious about sex and after asking a lot of questions as to how to do it…”
“He wanted to try?”
“Yeah.”
“Okay, that still doesn’t explain to me while you did the worst ever to him. Did something happen that night?”
“Not that night but after.”
“For God’s sake, don’t let me worm everything out of you!”
“Okay, okay, I just know you will be really angry with me. Well whatever. He approached me some weeks after that night and confessed to me and I didn’t take him seriously. I didn’t think that he really loved me, but as I just found out, he really did love me and that I had hurt him so deeply, that he couldn’t stay friends with me anymore.”
“But weren’t you still friends…”
“No, he just told me he acted like he was my friend, but that in reality he couldn’t bear it.”
“So in other words: He fell in love with you. You didn’t believe it was true love. He got hurt. You two broke apart and now after almost ten years that it happened, you finally talked about it? Pardon me, but you are both idiots.”
“I thought you would be angrier with me.”
“Oh, I am, but I also feel like smacking Taisuke for bottling up all these feelings for about ten years. Everyone goes nuts over an unrequited love of ten years. The strongest person breaks under something like that. Seriously, what the hell is he doing? He should at least have talked about it with someone. And about you: How can you be so stupid and not notice how much he loves you? He told you so and it should have made you think it was strange when he stopped talking to you. How could it not have rung a bell?”
“I don’t know. I thought he was still very young and that it was only because I was the first person he did something like that with.”
Yokoo sighed and shook his head in disbelieve.
“Moreover, I believe you chickened out. Wasn’t it you who didn’t know what to do? And that’s why you told Taisuke his feelings were not real? You are a real chicken, Kitamitsu.”
“Thank you. Maybe you are right.”
“You know, I always wondered what it was between you. Never would I have imagined it would be an unrequited love.”
“The only one who knew what the problem is, was Taisuke till some minutes ago.” Hiro took out a tissue and cleaned his mouth a little. The blood was already drying.
“So what are you going to do?”
“Hm?”
“We talked about Taisuke’s feelings just now. What about yours?”
“Does it matter anymore how I feel? He hates me anyway.” He buried his face in his hands and sighed. Yokoo was right; how could he have not noticed? He had been so dumb. He had thought Taisuke had been very young, but in reality the other had been far ahead of him and yes, he had not known how to face the other’s feelings. Maybe that was the reason why he had told himself it was not real love.
“Is that so?”
He looked up at the other annoyed. What was Yokoo trying to do here with asking such a question?
“You know that Taisuke and I are very close and therefore I know him very well. If he didn’t care anymore and didn't love you, why should he slap you then? You must have made him very angry and that shows he is still not over you as crazy as that might sound. And it is surprising how close hate and love belong together.” Yokoo said it carefully as if he wasn’t sure himself if he should reveal it to him.
“Why are you telling me that?”
“Because I want him to stop suffering. I demand, you either make a clean cut and end this mess definitely or you ask for forgiveness and…
”And?”
“Do you love him or not? For once say what you really feel. Tell it to him, because it is impossible to find out. On the one hand you flirt with him and on the other hand you are passive. What is that supposed to mean? I can pretty well understand why he is going crazy. ”
He looked at the other thoughtfully.
“You care about him a lot, Wataru.”
“Of course I do, but what about you?”
“I miss him.”
Yokoo let out a deep breath.
“Fine, if that is the case, then go and get him back. You would do us all a favour with that and maybe Kisumai is then a completely peaceful group.”
“Do you really think he still…”
“Stop being a chicken and find out yourself.” Yokoo gave him a strong push and he stumbled up from the couch.
“Uhm…”
”Rooftop.”
”Thanks.”
“Dear God, don’t make me regret this.” Yokoo mumbled to himself when the other was gone and massaged his temple. He felt a headache arriving.
Hiro opened the door to the rooftop and slowly got out. At first, he thought he was alone, but then he saw Taisuke sit against a wall with closed eyes and a completely calm face. He knew he was going to make that calm expression disappear, but who knew how calm the other really was. Taisuke seemed to be a really good actor by now.
“Taipi?” He kneeled down in front of the other and called him by his old nickname. The nickname others had picked up on and called him by regularly now.
The other’s eyes flashed open and he was thankful looks couldn’t kill or he would be dead now.
“What do you want now?”
Okay, Hiro had to admit that was a quite good question. He knew what he wanted, but he didn’t know how to get it across. Whenever he opened his mouth it normally got worse. Especially, when he was talking with Taisuke.
The other sat cross-legged so he put his hands on his knees to stable himself as he leaned forward and kissed him.
Suddenly, he felt his own heart speed up and a thousand butterflies in his tummy. How cheesy. He couldn’t believe that the other still had the same effect on him as all these years back when he had kissed him for the first time.
The moment ended though when the other pushed him away and he landed on his butt.
“What do you think you are doing?” Taisuke’s cheeks were red and his eyes were sparking angrily.
“I don’t know. I am not sure what to do. How to explain myself, but kissing you seemed to express quite well what I want to say.”
He saw how Taisuke’s breath caught and he felt a flash of hope.
“I won’t forgive you.”
There his hope was gone again, but Yokoo’s words repeated in his head and he took a deep breath. He was not going to be a chicken again.
“Please, I am truly sorry and I know I was an idiot. I know that I hurt you very much with my behaviour, but you are very special to me.”
Taisuke turned his head to the side to look away.
“Did that night ever mean something to you? Did you ever think about it?”
“Of course.”
”Are you only saying that now because of the situation?” There was a strong bitterness in the other’s words.
“I actually dreamed about it tonight.” Taisuke’s head snapped in his direction and he looked at him shocked.
“You dreamed about it?”
“Yeah, moreover, I get reminded of it almost every day.”
“Don’t tell stupid lies.”
He pulled his shirt over his head and turned around. He then tried to point at the upper half of his back on the left side.”
“Do you see this faint scare? It’s from your nails. Whenever I see my back I am reminded of you and the special experience we shared.”
There was a feather-light touch on his back, but it was gone in a blink of an eye as if Taisuke had gotten burned.
"That is not fair. Why are you doing this to me? Can’t you at least let me hate you?”
“No, because I am still as selfish as ever.” He pulled his shirt back on.
“I don’t want to forgive you.”
Hiro crawled closer to the other again and pulled him into a hug. The other struggled against him, but he kept holding him close.
“I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I so fucking hate you.”
“I know, but I’ll try getting your forgiveness anyway.”
“I give you ten years then.”
”Ten years?”
“Yeah, ten years to make me forgive you, to make it up to me.”
He swallowed. That was a damn long time, but in Taisuke’s eyes he could see he was serious.
“Does that mean I can’t be with you for the next following ten years?”
“I don’t know.” The other lowered his gaze.
What did he do to the boy he had gotten to know so long ago and had been so noisy and bouncy?
“You know, Wataru told me to stop being a chicken.”
Taisuke looked at him with furrowed brows.
“So?”
“I got movie tickets. Let’s go together tomorrow after the filming.”
“Are you asking me on a date?”
“I should at least try to make these ten awful long years fun, shouldn’t I?”
He got up and pulled an astonished Taisuke on his feet.
“Come on, I have to reassure Wataru.”
The younger one stumbled after him and he didn’t let go of his hand.
“Hey, Wataru.”
“So you made up?” Yokoo looked at them curiously.
“Hm, he gave me ten years to make it up to him.”
“He’ll make you suffer.”
Taisuke looked at Wataru innocently, but he couldn’t fool his best friend.
“Probably, I’ll kidnap him for a movie tomorrow though.”
”So, you now know what you want?”
“Yeah…” He tightened the grip he had on the other’s hand and he saw Taisuke look critically at him. He knew they still had a long way to go. He would probably really need the ten years to win the other’s trust back completely. He hoped Taisuke wouldn’t keep him at arms-length the whole time though.