Fanfic: Miss Me
Title: Miss Me
Author: yume16
Disclaimer: If the boys were mine they would be married. Obviously, they are not *duhhhhh*
Beta: Blursakana
Pairing(s): KitaFuji
Rating: not quite NC-17 but close enough
Genre: Angst
Warnings: unusual style
Summary: A quite unique couple.
Author Notes: Please read this first! This is actually the first fic I wrote after deleting everything. It's already a while ago and I was thinking back and forth whether I should really post it. To understand this fic, you need to know that I had to learn vocabularies and they were that boring that I used them to write something since I didn't know how to just start writing again. I knew the general topic of the vocs, but I uncovered one after another so I didn't know where this story was going to go. Each paragraph stands for one voc. The flow might be weird to you, so I am telling you this beforehand, but this fic has a meaning to me like no other and might be the closest to my own heart I have ever written. With this I want to thank all the people that encouraged me so kindly after I stupidly deleted everything. You are all very dear to me.
Miss me
To giggle
Fujigaya giggles as he tries to drink out of the glass from the opposite side. As the beer swaps against his chin, another giggle joins his. A rattling giggle.
Erasure
It shouldn’t be that hard to forget a broken heart, Fujigaya muses as he feels the cold beer run down his throat in hope it will erase all the pain he is feeling. But maybe he needs more for that to happen…
To get something tangled up
Just for tonight, Fujigaya tells himself as his legs get tangled up in crispy hotel sheets and short legs that rub intimately against his.
Suffice
When his body aches and the harsh breathing next to him slowly calms down, he contently notices that Kitayama more than suffices for a desperate one-night stand. He feels content throughout.
To come up with something
His first instinct when he meets his boyfriend is to come up with something to cover up his cheating. Shaking his head at himself, Fujigaya straightens up. “Last night I cheated on you.”
To confide in somebody
Kitayama is the first he meets afterwards. He doesn’t know why, but he confides in the other. “I cheated with you on my boyfriend because he cheated on me, too.”
Insurance
It was now that he had to even bother with his insurance even though Kitayama was so terribly mad at him. Fujigaya could understand why the other felt used even if that had not been his real intention.
To trade something
Fujigaya sits with Yokoo on the rooftop and they trade a cigarette between them. As he puffs the smoke into the air, Fujigaya wonders whether he fucked up way more than only the relationship with his boyfriend. Kitayama carefully avoids him since their last talk.
To locate somebody
It takes a lot of effort from his side to get himself to search for Kitayama. “I don’t want any hard feelings in the group.” Fujigaya could certainly understand where Yokoo is coming from. In the end, it wasn't all that hard to locate Kitayama. The other can hide as much as he wants, but Fujigaya knows him well enough.
Deliberate
Deliberately, Fujigaya decides to be as honest as possible and walks into the room and flops next to Kitayama and throws an arm over his shoulder to get the other’s attention since he seems so keen on ignoring him.
Bewildered
It certainly works as Kitayama looks at him bewildered. “I used you to forget about my boyfriend…” Kitayama’s eyes harden. “But that doesn’t mean it could have been anyone else.”
Prerequisite
A prerequisite to make up with Kitayama is always honesty and to say more than he prefers.
Conscience
“Don’t you have a guilty conscience?” Kitayama asks him. Fujigaya ponders that. “I wondered about that as well, but I don’t want to feel guilty about something that made me feel better than I have for months.” After that sentence Fujigaya realises that he maybe had been a little too honest just now.
Challenge somebody to do something
There is a sudden glint in Kitayama’s eyes Fujigaya has already seen several times before. “Fine then, we had sex. Now take responsibility.” Kitayama challenges him. “What are you? A girl that can get knocked up?” Kitayama rolls his eyes and then licks over his lips in a slow motion.
Temptation
Fujigaya is not stupid enough to not get this blatant hint. Kitayama knows how to seduce him and Fujigaya had always found the other’s lips rather tempting.
Sin
The kiss they share has to be a sin. Fujigaya already carves those kisses even though he experiences them for the first time not drunk.
Persist beyond all odds
Their relationship starts off like no relationship ever should. Fujigaya knows it won’t be one to persist beyond all odds. They just don’t work like that, but when Kitayama leans over him after a long day of work and mouths his neck, his ex-boyfriend is a long forgotten memory in some corner of his mind.
Impoverished
Two months into their relationship Fujigaya catches himself wondering what would happen if someone ever found out about their relationship. Would they lose their jobs and have to live impoverished? Would they live impoverished together? Would Kitayama stay with him?
Lure somebody
A promising job lures Kitayama abroad and suddenly Fujigaya finds himself lonely. Work keeps him entertained during the day time, but at night he lies awake and caresses the mattress next to him as if it is a dear lover. His loneliness scares him.
Operator
Why the hell does Kitayama have to be in another country? The internet on his phone sucks and with a lot of cursing Fujigaya dials the number for an operator. “Excuse me, what is the country code for America?” “Where in America?” “Err…” fuck, maybe they should have stopped making out in favour of talking about more important matters.
I can’t stand something
“I can’t stand myself.” Fujigaya declares to Yokoo, but his friend only lifts a bemused eyebrow, which doesn’t bring Kitayama back either.
Long distance
It is surprisingly difficult to figure out where Kitayama is without getting mocked for is indifference about their leader. Eventually, his manager has mercy on him and even gives him Kitayama’s current number. Fujigaya just wishes there wouldn’t be these cracking noises during long-distance calls. Nevertheless, Kitayama only hangs up after two hours.
Drawer
Fujigaya opens the drawer of Kitayama’s bedside table and carefully places the lube on the mattress. Then he takes off one piece after another of his clothes and after putting them away neatly, he lies down in the middle of the bed and waits.
Dump something
Kitayama dumps his bag on the floor surprised as he finds him naked in his bed. Fujigaya smiles slightly. “Welcome back.”
Rip something
Kitayama almost rips his clothing since he can’t get out of it fast enough and Fujigaya giggles delighted. Familiar plush lips cover his and finally Fujigaya feels at home again as well, even though it is Kitayama who is coming home and not him.
Dawn
It’s cheesy and Fujigaya will never admit it to anyone, but he lies in Kitayama’s arms till dawn and enjoys their simple happiness.
Stack something up
Fujigaya is stacking up some papers in their dressing room when Kitayama comes in and drops the bomb. "They are asking me to go abroad for half a year. It's a big chance." They look at each other mutely for a long time. Fujigaya remembers clearly that the last Johnny that had gone abroad never really came back to the group. "Tell me to stay and I will." But he can't. That's the cruel thing about love; you stop being selfish, because suddenly someone is so much more important.
Float up and down
The knowledge of Kitayama leaving...really leaving, makes his life come to a scattering halt. Fujigaya floats up and down with the elevator before he notices that he has already missed to get out at the right floor several times. About a minute ago, Kitayama's plane must have taken off. Fujigaya didn't go to the airport.
Replica
His current feelings should be a replica of the feelings he had felt, when he had seen his ex-lover cheat on him. They are not and he doesn't know what to do. This time no cheating will help him heal his heart.
Ravaged
Inside he feels ravaged. Fujigaya knows he is acting ridiculous, but it's like an important piece of him is missing and he wonders when Kitayama became a part of him.
Scribble something
At night, he turns and tosses and he wonders when he will finally be able to sleep properly again. With a sigh, he moves his hand under the pillow to prop it up and his fingers move along something sharp. Shocked, he jumps up and turns the light on. As he checks, he finds a piece of paper with Kitayama's cute handwriting. As Fujigaya reads it, he can imagine the other write it with a concentrated look in his eyes. It's not a hurriedly scribbled message. He stands in the middle of the room and reads the paper several times without noticing the little droplet of blood drop from the tip of his index finger. A true smile graces his lips.
To be on intimate terms with somebody
Perhaps, he should have told the other members by now about Kitayama's and his relationship. Maybe then Miyata would have been sensitive enough to not announce excitedly that Kitayama seems to be on intimate terms with a beautiful American girl. He crumbles the piece of paper in his pocket with the beautiful written 'I love you' and the dried blood droplet.
Unobtrusively
Later as he straightens out his paper, he wonders why he didn't see it coming. Kitayama is good-looking and they are going to be apart for a long time. Maybe, he should think about moving on as well. For now, he decides to behave unobtrusively. The least he wants is to be a bother.
Absorbed
Absorbed, Fujigaya is bowed over his music sheet with his guitar in his lap as his phone rings and the caller ID gives Kitayama away. Hesitantly, he looks at his phone, but the longer he looks the more scared he gets that Kitayama will hang up. Scrambling for his phone, Fujigaya puts a smile in his voice as good as he can. "Hey."
Glacier
"You've become sad, Taisuke." Yokoo says as they watch a man ski down a slope in a movie. "Do you think one of the lovers dies on the glacier they just showed? It seems to be that kind of movie. The music is kind of over-dramatic." Yokoo stares mutely at him after his question. "There could always be a happy-end, Taisuke." "But not everyone can have a happy-end. Who says it will be those two?" Yokoo says for a long time nothing at all.
Contest
Kitayama's absence does not only influence his feelings, he notices as he slowly skates in a circle. Work is only half as much fun when he has no one to have a contest with. He has to push his listlessness constantly aside.
Distract somebody
Yokoo has started to constantly ask him out. He knows it is to distract him, but he enjoys it too much to tell the other he has figured him out. When Yokoo leans in closer to kiss him, he is tempted, but some things better stay the way they are. Yokoo pulls back and they look at each other in understanding. Fujigaya is glad he has such a good friend.
Greyhound
"The Greyhound is a long-distance bus line in America. They asked for my help for a documentation." Kitayama pauses and there is crackling in the line. "That's great." Fujigaya says enthusiastic. "I will be very busy...I will call when I can." Fujigaya makes an understanding noise. Of course he understands.
Postpone something
They always talk for a minute and then postpone their longer talk. They are both busy, but the workload doesn't make him feel better anymore. So he starts to go to the gym daily when he feels himself grow crabby towards his band mates even if it is late at night.
Keep in touch
It gets harder and harder to keep in touch and a week passes without them even texting and Fujigaya is tired of calling and being told in an apologizing voice by Kitayama that he couldn't talk or listening to the robotic voice mail.
Get out of touch
It comes the way it has to come and they get out of touch. Three weeks pass and Fujigaya feels the impulse to just leave his phone lying somewhere so he can't stare at it.
Numb
Fujigaya becomes numb as he hears the news. Kitayama gets the chance to act in a Hollywood movie. It's a really tiny role, but apparently woman and mostly children in America are starting to fall for the quirky Japanese shorty they occasional see bounce around on their TV screens. Kisumai celebrates generously the success of their leader, but this night he is not the only one with a tint of sadness to his smile. They all know it means a goodbye.
Choke
"Taisuke, when will you finally tell us?" "Tell you what?" Fujigaya asks and moves his beer can from one hand to the other before moving it to his lips. "About you and Kitamitsu." Fujigaya chokes on his beer and Yokoo looks at him unwavering. "Won't you call him?" "Sure." No, he won't...
Savage
Fujigaya is glad when the urge to savage someone does not overcome him as soon as he hears from others that Kitayama surely has a good time with a lot of girls now that he is popular. It would cost him energy he doesn't have.
Desperate
Desperately, Fujigaya acknowledges that their relationship is over, but that it is also a reality he needs to accept. As he opens the door to his flat and a tanned and short man is sitting at his table, it is a little like he has grown insane. "What are you doing here?" "I decided to come back." Fujigaya doesn't understand. "You are losing a great chance."
"Sometimes you have to give up something great to not lose something even greater."
Kitayama's eyes form to half-moons as he smiles and Fujigaya is not sure he is still sane. He wants to ask about the beautiful American girls, but there is no guilt in Kitayama's eyes and he wonders whether he is maybe a little too gullible when it is about such matters.
"Now stop sounding so terribly sad. I don't want to hear your sad voice anytime soon again."
Fujigaya laughs as tears of happiness spill out of his eyes and he tackles the little man that holds such a great power over him to hide them.
Author Notes: So thank you again and I hope you discover or re-discover something you love too; whether it be a lover, just a hobby or something entirely different ;)
Author: yume16
Disclaimer: If the boys were mine they would be married. Obviously, they are not *duhhhhh*
Beta: Blursakana
Pairing(s): KitaFuji
Rating: not quite NC-17 but close enough
Genre: Angst
Warnings: unusual style
Summary: A quite unique couple.
Author Notes: Please read this first! This is actually the first fic I wrote after deleting everything. It's already a while ago and I was thinking back and forth whether I should really post it. To understand this fic, you need to know that I had to learn vocabularies and they were that boring that I used them to write something since I didn't know how to just start writing again. I knew the general topic of the vocs, but I uncovered one after another so I didn't know where this story was going to go. Each paragraph stands for one voc. The flow might be weird to you, so I am telling you this beforehand, but this fic has a meaning to me like no other and might be the closest to my own heart I have ever written. With this I want to thank all the people that encouraged me so kindly after I stupidly deleted everything. You are all very dear to me.
Miss me
To giggle
Fujigaya giggles as he tries to drink out of the glass from the opposite side. As the beer swaps against his chin, another giggle joins his. A rattling giggle.
Erasure
It shouldn’t be that hard to forget a broken heart, Fujigaya muses as he feels the cold beer run down his throat in hope it will erase all the pain he is feeling. But maybe he needs more for that to happen…
To get something tangled up
Just for tonight, Fujigaya tells himself as his legs get tangled up in crispy hotel sheets and short legs that rub intimately against his.
Suffice
When his body aches and the harsh breathing next to him slowly calms down, he contently notices that Kitayama more than suffices for a desperate one-night stand. He feels content throughout.
To come up with something
His first instinct when he meets his boyfriend is to come up with something to cover up his cheating. Shaking his head at himself, Fujigaya straightens up. “Last night I cheated on you.”
To confide in somebody
Kitayama is the first he meets afterwards. He doesn’t know why, but he confides in the other. “I cheated with you on my boyfriend because he cheated on me, too.”
Insurance
It was now that he had to even bother with his insurance even though Kitayama was so terribly mad at him. Fujigaya could understand why the other felt used even if that had not been his real intention.
To trade something
Fujigaya sits with Yokoo on the rooftop and they trade a cigarette between them. As he puffs the smoke into the air, Fujigaya wonders whether he fucked up way more than only the relationship with his boyfriend. Kitayama carefully avoids him since their last talk.
To locate somebody
It takes a lot of effort from his side to get himself to search for Kitayama. “I don’t want any hard feelings in the group.” Fujigaya could certainly understand where Yokoo is coming from. In the end, it wasn't all that hard to locate Kitayama. The other can hide as much as he wants, but Fujigaya knows him well enough.
Deliberate
Deliberately, Fujigaya decides to be as honest as possible and walks into the room and flops next to Kitayama and throws an arm over his shoulder to get the other’s attention since he seems so keen on ignoring him.
Bewildered
It certainly works as Kitayama looks at him bewildered. “I used you to forget about my boyfriend…” Kitayama’s eyes harden. “But that doesn’t mean it could have been anyone else.”
Prerequisite
A prerequisite to make up with Kitayama is always honesty and to say more than he prefers.
Conscience
“Don’t you have a guilty conscience?” Kitayama asks him. Fujigaya ponders that. “I wondered about that as well, but I don’t want to feel guilty about something that made me feel better than I have for months.” After that sentence Fujigaya realises that he maybe had been a little too honest just now.
Challenge somebody to do something
There is a sudden glint in Kitayama’s eyes Fujigaya has already seen several times before. “Fine then, we had sex. Now take responsibility.” Kitayama challenges him. “What are you? A girl that can get knocked up?” Kitayama rolls his eyes and then licks over his lips in a slow motion.
Temptation
Fujigaya is not stupid enough to not get this blatant hint. Kitayama knows how to seduce him and Fujigaya had always found the other’s lips rather tempting.
Sin
The kiss they share has to be a sin. Fujigaya already carves those kisses even though he experiences them for the first time not drunk.
Persist beyond all odds
Their relationship starts off like no relationship ever should. Fujigaya knows it won’t be one to persist beyond all odds. They just don’t work like that, but when Kitayama leans over him after a long day of work and mouths his neck, his ex-boyfriend is a long forgotten memory in some corner of his mind.
Impoverished
Two months into their relationship Fujigaya catches himself wondering what would happen if someone ever found out about their relationship. Would they lose their jobs and have to live impoverished? Would they live impoverished together? Would Kitayama stay with him?
Lure somebody
A promising job lures Kitayama abroad and suddenly Fujigaya finds himself lonely. Work keeps him entertained during the day time, but at night he lies awake and caresses the mattress next to him as if it is a dear lover. His loneliness scares him.
Operator
Why the hell does Kitayama have to be in another country? The internet on his phone sucks and with a lot of cursing Fujigaya dials the number for an operator. “Excuse me, what is the country code for America?” “Where in America?” “Err…” fuck, maybe they should have stopped making out in favour of talking about more important matters.
I can’t stand something
“I can’t stand myself.” Fujigaya declares to Yokoo, but his friend only lifts a bemused eyebrow, which doesn’t bring Kitayama back either.
Long distance
It is surprisingly difficult to figure out where Kitayama is without getting mocked for is indifference about their leader. Eventually, his manager has mercy on him and even gives him Kitayama’s current number. Fujigaya just wishes there wouldn’t be these cracking noises during long-distance calls. Nevertheless, Kitayama only hangs up after two hours.
Drawer
Fujigaya opens the drawer of Kitayama’s bedside table and carefully places the lube on the mattress. Then he takes off one piece after another of his clothes and after putting them away neatly, he lies down in the middle of the bed and waits.
Dump something
Kitayama dumps his bag on the floor surprised as he finds him naked in his bed. Fujigaya smiles slightly. “Welcome back.”
Rip something
Kitayama almost rips his clothing since he can’t get out of it fast enough and Fujigaya giggles delighted. Familiar plush lips cover his and finally Fujigaya feels at home again as well, even though it is Kitayama who is coming home and not him.
Dawn
It’s cheesy and Fujigaya will never admit it to anyone, but he lies in Kitayama’s arms till dawn and enjoys their simple happiness.
Stack something up
Fujigaya is stacking up some papers in their dressing room when Kitayama comes in and drops the bomb. "They are asking me to go abroad for half a year. It's a big chance." They look at each other mutely for a long time. Fujigaya remembers clearly that the last Johnny that had gone abroad never really came back to the group. "Tell me to stay and I will." But he can't. That's the cruel thing about love; you stop being selfish, because suddenly someone is so much more important.
Float up and down
The knowledge of Kitayama leaving...really leaving, makes his life come to a scattering halt. Fujigaya floats up and down with the elevator before he notices that he has already missed to get out at the right floor several times. About a minute ago, Kitayama's plane must have taken off. Fujigaya didn't go to the airport.
Replica
His current feelings should be a replica of the feelings he had felt, when he had seen his ex-lover cheat on him. They are not and he doesn't know what to do. This time no cheating will help him heal his heart.
Ravaged
Inside he feels ravaged. Fujigaya knows he is acting ridiculous, but it's like an important piece of him is missing and he wonders when Kitayama became a part of him.
Scribble something
At night, he turns and tosses and he wonders when he will finally be able to sleep properly again. With a sigh, he moves his hand under the pillow to prop it up and his fingers move along something sharp. Shocked, he jumps up and turns the light on. As he checks, he finds a piece of paper with Kitayama's cute handwriting. As Fujigaya reads it, he can imagine the other write it with a concentrated look in his eyes. It's not a hurriedly scribbled message. He stands in the middle of the room and reads the paper several times without noticing the little droplet of blood drop from the tip of his index finger. A true smile graces his lips.
To be on intimate terms with somebody
Perhaps, he should have told the other members by now about Kitayama's and his relationship. Maybe then Miyata would have been sensitive enough to not announce excitedly that Kitayama seems to be on intimate terms with a beautiful American girl. He crumbles the piece of paper in his pocket with the beautiful written 'I love you' and the dried blood droplet.
Unobtrusively
Later as he straightens out his paper, he wonders why he didn't see it coming. Kitayama is good-looking and they are going to be apart for a long time. Maybe, he should think about moving on as well. For now, he decides to behave unobtrusively. The least he wants is to be a bother.
Absorbed
Absorbed, Fujigaya is bowed over his music sheet with his guitar in his lap as his phone rings and the caller ID gives Kitayama away. Hesitantly, he looks at his phone, but the longer he looks the more scared he gets that Kitayama will hang up. Scrambling for his phone, Fujigaya puts a smile in his voice as good as he can. "Hey."
Glacier
"You've become sad, Taisuke." Yokoo says as they watch a man ski down a slope in a movie. "Do you think one of the lovers dies on the glacier they just showed? It seems to be that kind of movie. The music is kind of over-dramatic." Yokoo stares mutely at him after his question. "There could always be a happy-end, Taisuke." "But not everyone can have a happy-end. Who says it will be those two?" Yokoo says for a long time nothing at all.
Contest
Kitayama's absence does not only influence his feelings, he notices as he slowly skates in a circle. Work is only half as much fun when he has no one to have a contest with. He has to push his listlessness constantly aside.
Distract somebody
Yokoo has started to constantly ask him out. He knows it is to distract him, but he enjoys it too much to tell the other he has figured him out. When Yokoo leans in closer to kiss him, he is tempted, but some things better stay the way they are. Yokoo pulls back and they look at each other in understanding. Fujigaya is glad he has such a good friend.
Greyhound
"The Greyhound is a long-distance bus line in America. They asked for my help for a documentation." Kitayama pauses and there is crackling in the line. "That's great." Fujigaya says enthusiastic. "I will be very busy...I will call when I can." Fujigaya makes an understanding noise. Of course he understands.
Postpone something
They always talk for a minute and then postpone their longer talk. They are both busy, but the workload doesn't make him feel better anymore. So he starts to go to the gym daily when he feels himself grow crabby towards his band mates even if it is late at night.
Keep in touch
It gets harder and harder to keep in touch and a week passes without them even texting and Fujigaya is tired of calling and being told in an apologizing voice by Kitayama that he couldn't talk or listening to the robotic voice mail.
Get out of touch
It comes the way it has to come and they get out of touch. Three weeks pass and Fujigaya feels the impulse to just leave his phone lying somewhere so he can't stare at it.
Numb
Fujigaya becomes numb as he hears the news. Kitayama gets the chance to act in a Hollywood movie. It's a really tiny role, but apparently woman and mostly children in America are starting to fall for the quirky Japanese shorty they occasional see bounce around on their TV screens. Kisumai celebrates generously the success of their leader, but this night he is not the only one with a tint of sadness to his smile. They all know it means a goodbye.
Choke
"Taisuke, when will you finally tell us?" "Tell you what?" Fujigaya asks and moves his beer can from one hand to the other before moving it to his lips. "About you and Kitamitsu." Fujigaya chokes on his beer and Yokoo looks at him unwavering. "Won't you call him?" "Sure." No, he won't...
Savage
Fujigaya is glad when the urge to savage someone does not overcome him as soon as he hears from others that Kitayama surely has a good time with a lot of girls now that he is popular. It would cost him energy he doesn't have.
Desperate
Desperately, Fujigaya acknowledges that their relationship is over, but that it is also a reality he needs to accept. As he opens the door to his flat and a tanned and short man is sitting at his table, it is a little like he has grown insane. "What are you doing here?" "I decided to come back." Fujigaya doesn't understand. "You are losing a great chance."
"Sometimes you have to give up something great to not lose something even greater."
Kitayama's eyes form to half-moons as he smiles and Fujigaya is not sure he is still sane. He wants to ask about the beautiful American girls, but there is no guilt in Kitayama's eyes and he wonders whether he is maybe a little too gullible when it is about such matters.
"Now stop sounding so terribly sad. I don't want to hear your sad voice anytime soon again."
Fujigaya laughs as tears of happiness spill out of his eyes and he tackles the little man that holds such a great power over him to hide them.
Author Notes: So thank you again and I hope you discover or re-discover something you love too; whether it be a lover, just a hobby or something entirely different ;)