Obsolete - 1 / ? Mass Hysteria - RukixUruha ~
Title: Obsolete
Chapters: 1/?
Author: shii_tan
Genre: AU, thriller, a bit of drama
Warnings: implied drug use and acts of violence, wtf-ish moments, synaesthesia
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: implied SagaxTora, SagaxRuki, implied RukixUruha
Characters: the GazettE, Alice Nine and more jrockers to come
Synopsis: What's the point of making a living when you can't die at all?
Comment: Be prepared. This some seriously bizarre stuff. A soundtrack is provided to enhance your reading experience. Let me know what you think : evil grin : kenxkenlove, merci pour ton aide précieuse :D
Chapter One: Mass Hysteria
Soundtrack: download and loop Ten Miniku Ranman, by Creature Creature
"... says?"
I slowly blinked and glanced around me before realizing that I was the one the barman had just spoken to.
"That Kai," he repeated with a nod towards the huge plasma screen hanging above his head, "do you believe what he says?"
I didn't need to look at the television to see who he was talking about - the guy had been all over the place lately, it was kind of hard to avoid him. Sitting behind a huge desk with his trademark smile on his face, Kai was calmly talking to the camera, seducing it with his sweet, soothing words. Thankfully, the sound had been set on mute, which would spare me from hearing them again.
"Considering where we're at right now, everybody does to some extent," I said with the least subtle I-don't-give-a-fuck tone I could come up with, hoping to cut the conversation short before it went any further.
"You have to admit, though... Some of it sounds so - how to say this? - true to me sometimes it's a little creepy. I mean, with the dissolutions and everything. Did you hear about the group from Sapporo? There were at least a fourteen of them, holding hands. Can you imagine? I was talking about it with my landlady the other night and - "
"Thanks for the beers," I interrupted with a stiff smile as I picked them up from the counter and started making my way back to the seats me and the guys were occupying. Quitting my job before mid-night break today hadn't felt as satisfactory as I'd expected, and there were better things to do than talk about stuff that had already been discussed a billion times.
"Oi, Ruki! What took you so long, man?"
Mitsuo had spent most of the evening sipping on his drink quietly - something he would usually do when the conversation revolved around permanents-related matters - and to make things worse, Saga's friend wasn't exactly entertaining.
"As I was saying", Tora resumed, "the result looks so natural you would never guess he had them altered."
I brought my bottle to my lips, eyeing him carefully. Tora was new to the business - I had guessed it before he had started to talk about this, before he had even opened his mouth to introduce himself, because of the scent newcomers usually exuded and the way he kept yapping about statistics and adaptation. The topic of the moment was plastic surgery; no one gave a fuck but they were being too polite to stop him.
"Really..." Saga almost droned.
"Yeah, he got it done in Korea... It's pretty common over there. I'm thinking of doing the same since my health insurance covers it, but I don't know..." He absent-mindedly touched the corners of his mouth, which were a little swollen. "I still need to get used to these. They're quite... uncomfortable." He turned into my direction. "What do you think?"
I shrugged, and he almost looked at me like it was an offence to the so called community that I wasn't showing more interest than that. Mitsuo raised an eyebrow that said "play nice" and Saga put an elbow on the table, his lips curving upwards. "Yes, Ruki, what do you think? We're dying to hear your opinion on the matter."
"My teeth are fine, thank you very much", I said before flashing them in what Mitsuo called my 'carnal smile'. Tora's eyes widened slightly for a second and I watched him in amusement swiftly morphing his surprised expression into a frown. "There are more intelligent ways to spend your money than waste it on that superficial bullshit."
"Superficial bullshit?" he repeated in disbelief. "If you knew the percentage of permanents cutting all ties with their families or even dissolving because of their physical appearance…”
"Oh, please. I know the numbers - the Council keeps shoving them down our throats, but that's not the point. Not only is your softening procedure shamelessly expensive, it is also completely useless." I slowly leaned forward and waited until he unconsciously did the same - they always did, because curiosity always had the best of them. "Do you know why?" I whispered with a smile that I wanted to be reassuring.
He shook his head, his eyes fixed on my mouth.
"They grow back. It's as simple as that. There have been numerous reports about this, each of them censored, of course... They just don't want you to know, but you can find them on the Internet, if you know where to look."
Tora's eyebrows furrowed and his eyes scanned my face again.
"You're weird," he concluded after a moment.
"What?"
"You. You're weird."
Saga choked on his drink. Mitsuo fished a couple of stale peanuts in the bowl in front of him; I knew he had that almost disapproving glare again, the one he kept for whenever I was in newbie destruction mode, but I smirked anyway.
"Confusion is the first step to salvation," I mused.
~ * ~
A few beers later, Saga suggested we finish somewhere else and against all odds Tora was first to decline.
"But this is when you're supposed to trick him into taking you home," I frowned. Saga shot me an angry stare that I ignored completely. "It's not even three yet."
"It's late enough for me," Tora shrugged. "Adjustment."
"I see."
There was something unusually fluid in the way he stretched. How old is he? Most neophytes were at least a little clumsy, like they were operating in a body that was almost too big for them. The guy grinned a very satisfied grin as he firmly shook my hand, then Mitsuo's. "You were quite interesting, to say the least. Saga, can I talk to you for a second?" Saga nodded, and the two men walked over to another booth nearby, leaving us alone for a moment.
"That Tora guy..." Mitsuo started.
"Yeah. He's hiding something."
An elbow on the table, I was observing him in silence, as he whispered something in Saga's ear. Tora looked up at me, not for long, just enough to let me know he knew I was watching and that smile reappeared on his lips. "Should I be worried?"
"I'm not sure." His eyes flickered to something behind me. "Quick, Ruki, how do I look?"
"Like you did when you came here, I guess."
"That girl over there has been checking me out since she came here. I'm thinking... maybe..." He played nervously with a toothpick. "Should I give it a shot?"
"You're asking me?" I laughed and turned around. She was leaning against the counter, wearing a sleeveless silk top that was hiding her neck, and her dark hair was flowing freely on her exposed shoulders. Her short skirt, and knee-length boots completed her ensemble. "Delicious."
"I think she's into me."
"Well, that's quite obvious... She's looking at you like you were a plate of hot, steamy pancakes."
"Is there anything I should know?"
"Besides the fact that she's a permanent?"
Mitsuo rolled his eyes. "A yes or a no would have sufficed."
She had to be a man eater - I could detect the smell of another man all over her as if he was standing right there, but I didn't tell Mitsuo anything, giving him an encouraging gesture instead. "Go get her before someone else does."
"I'll call you with all the details tomorrow" He grinned.
I made a face. "Thanks but no thanks. Be careful though, yeah?"
He took a deep breath, straightened his shirt and made his way to the gorgeous creature.
"Thank god!" I yelled right before he opened his mouth to introduce himself. "It was about time you got laid!"
~ * ~
"Let's see..." I grabbed the remote and started switching channels. Kai. Reruns. Council report. Another report. Kai. Kai. Reruns. Kai. Reruns. Reruns. Kai. Council report. "When did television become so shit?"
"They stopped most of the live broadcasts last week for technical reasons, apparently," Saga said from the kitchen. "It's been awhile since I last saw anything interesting."
Saga closed the door of the microwave and came to sit next to me on the couch, a mug in hand. My face scrunched in disgust as he raised it to drink, but he stopped his gesture before he brought it to his lips, as a silent interrogation.
"You really should stop drinking that stuff, it’s nasty."
"There was a special discount at the supermarket the other night."
"That's because they produce it in Afghanistan now. In huge, underground plants by the Chinese border. It's packed with useless additives, narcotics and plenty of other things you don't even want to hear about. Makes total sense when you think about it... What's better than a warm cup of formula when the world is going down the drain? "
On the screen, Izumi - freshly promoted to official spokesperson for the Japanese division of the Council - was talking about the highlights of the international permanents summit that was currently taking place in Helsinki. "... our population has to know that we will do everything, anything in our power to find tangible, long-term solutions to this catastrophic..." I set the sound on mute. Tell me something I don't already know, you filthy bastard.
"That's not what the label says."
"Labels won't tell you shit," I shrugged. "not these ones anyway. Is there anything you want to watch before I turn it off?"
"Not really, no." Saga's expression was something between puzzlement and interest. He became quiet for a moment, and after a few second of reflection, put his cup on the coffee table. "I think I've had enough entertainment for tonight."
"Right. Where did you find him?"
"At the meeting I attended last week."
I happily sang along to a melon-flavored cereal commercial that was followed by another permanent will advertisement - a will advertisement, for fuck's sake - and I burst out laughing. Boy, was I easily amused these days... "I never thought Kai fanatics made good dates material."
"Kai's association is not a cult, and Tora certainly wasn't a date."
"Then I guess he didn't know. He seemed very eager to get in your pants."
"What, are you jealous?"
"You wish... I wonder what you find so interesting about neophytes. There's a difference."
Saga tilted his head to the side with playful smile on his face. "Why do you want to know?"
"Just curious." I turned the television off, and leaned back into the comfortable couch. "I have no idea how you can put up with them. They can be so irritating."
"How could I explain this... Some of them radiate something fierce or intriguing, something that really compels you to get close to them. Something out of the ordinary."
"A glimpse of who they will become?"
He nodded.
"Yet at the same time, they still have a part of innocence. They've just stepped into a world they don't understand and they need someone to walk with them along the way... until they can make it on their own. It is very interesting to witness the transition."
"And a bit masochistic, if you ask me."
A soft laughter escaped his lips. "Maybe."
"It's hard to believe he fits the criteria," I said, raising an eyebrow.
"Tora asked me out after the lecture. I couldn't turn it down - who would have said no to that? Anything to make the end of the world more bearable, I suppose."
If the situation was different, if Saga hadn't been so literally right, I would have laughed. Closing my eyes, I perceived the distant sirens of a few fire trucks truck rushing downtown, but even if I tuned them out, if I chose to focus in this comfortable, secluded space, I could hear Saga breathing next to me, the heart beating in his chest, reminding me of how desperately real everything was. There was no escape.
"You, on the other hand..." He started hesitantly as he ran his fingertips over my cheekbone, then traced my jaw line almost experimentally. "You were supposed to break... but you changed. Into something I had never seen; something I still can't define."
"Tell me what you see."
"It's hard to describe. Sometimes, it feels like there's nothing at all. Complete darkness, but the colors are always there, swirling, changing." A peaceful, almost pious smile unfolded on his delicate face. "I wish you could see it... It's beautiful."
The simplicity of those words caught me off-guard. I realized, as he reached out a second time to pull him close to me, as he laid those kisses on my brow that I envied him. I too wanted to see those colors. I wanted to believe there was more ahead than the darkness, a way out of this mess that I had helped create. I wanted to forget everything I had seen, everything I'd heard about it. To wipe my memory clean of the unbearable truth and start again, as blissfully ignorant as the novices he enjoyed so much.
His lips were hovering above mine, so close that they were almost touching.
"Saga..." I warned.
"Come on," he whispered, looking at my mouth.
"No."
"Just once?"
"You heard me."
Saga's expression became unreadable.
"Which part of it didn't get to your - "
My brain stopped there when he pushed me down onto the couch. He buried his face in my neck; my eyes rolled back as he kissed his way up, the thumb from his left hand caressing my lower lip. Saga's teeth grazed over my ear; a loud moan escaped my lips when he bit it almost violently but soft enough for me to wish it did hurt. Taking advantage of my surprise, he crashed his mouth into mine. I immediately grabbed a hold of his hair, meaning to jerk his head away but the kiss he gave me was so different than what I had imagined that it laid still. His lips were moving against mine, consuming and demanding, yet soothing and gentle. He pulled back and looked at me in disbelief, as if to convince himself I was really there.
"Ruki?" he panted.
Saga knew it was a line he wasn't meant to cross; because it would mean the end of whatever it was that we had. As he stood there on top of me, with that strange light I had never seen in his eyes before, I wondered what would happen if I chose to close the distance between us this time, if I accepted everything he had to offer. Would I be able to forget all those lies, those deaths? Would you make them go away?
I doubted anyone could.
"I'm not staying," I finally managed to say. "don't bother trying to trick me into it."
I motioned for him to get off me but he didn't budge.
"It's almost morning... I wouldn't want anything happening to you on the way."
"Saga, I fucking live upstairs. Do you mind?"
Saga waited another few seconds before sitting up, his eyebrows furrowed.
"You're not very cooperative... And seriously unfair. Why can I kiss you everywhere but your lips? It doesn't make any sense."
"Shut up."
It was time to get up and leave. I was absolutely exhausted, and I couldn't think straight. I looked down at my slightly shaky hands, opening and closing them a few times, carefully. The throbbing sensation was now on the verge of becoming painful, but bearable; nothing I couldn't manage. As long as I didn't see tiny lights dancing in front of my eyes, I would be fine. My supplier hadn't returned any of my calls in awhile, and I was starting to worry... The idea of taking care of it myself made me a little uncomfortable.
I grabbed my jacket and made my way to the door.
"Don't make it more complicated than it really is, Ruki."
"I'm not - "
"Why won't you let me take care of you?"
I turned around, to look at him. He was simply sitting there, his head cocked to the side with an expecting gaze. There wasn't any sadness or anger in his voice, just curiosity and the faintest trace of irony. Or resignation.
"Because I don't want you."
"You wouldn't have to do anything," he continued as he got on his feet and slowly walked to me. "You wouldn't even have to love me."
"You're stupid." I said because it was the truth.
His beautiful smile reappeared as he wrapped his arms around me.
"I mean it. Every single word."
"I know. That's the point." I opened the door and took a first step into the hall, but he grabbed my wrist.
"It's been five months," Saga breathed out, his head hung low. "He's not coming back."
At that precise moment, I didn't know what to say. Some part of me wanted to thank him for his concern, and the other wanted to leave without saying anything, because it was for his own good. If you knew the truth, you would lose all hope. In me, yourself, everything. Even Kai wouldn't be able to save you. Instead, the only words falling from my lips were the same as always.
"I'll see you around."
My finger pressed the button to the seventh floor. We must remember our purpose, he had said. If we don't, we're fucked. I closed my eyes for a moment, but didn't find anything; when I opened them, the same darkness had flooded into view. The only colors were of the burning flames of the arsons in another parts of the city. Was this really how it was supposed to happen? There were so many things at stake, some of which we weren't even sure existed. And I wasn't ready. I didn't believe.
I stepped out of the elevator into the corridor and fished for my keys in my pocket. The odd feeling of something wrong struck me when I reached my door; it was half opened and a few splitters laid on the carpet-covered floor. The light inside of my apartment had been turned on, which I clearly remembered not doing.
Slowly, I pushed it further open and stepped inside, scanning the living room to find what they had or hadn’t taken away. Everything was still in place. I discreetly walked over to the bookshelf and reached out for the aluminum bat I always kept there. When I turned around, I noticed the plate with a half-eaten peanut butter sandwich laying on the kitchen counter; a bag of chips had been left on the sofa and my Play station had been used; a controller still laid on the ground, its cord untangled. What the fuck?
Some weird noise was coming from the bathroom. Whoever was in there was going through the cabinet and moving things around. Shit. Shit. Shit. I took a deep breath and tightened my grip on the bat held above my head.
"I know you're in there!" I yelled. "Get the fuck out!"
The doorknob turned slowly and there he was, his ridiculous Doraemon towel wrapped around his waist. The bat fell from my hands, then hit the floor with a loud thud, and his lips slowly curled into a smirk - that smirk I had not seen in months.
"Sorry about the door," Uruha said. "I lost your key."
Step Two >>
Dun dun DUN, right? : smirks :
Confusing, I know! That's because this chapter takes place a little before the end of the storyline. But don't worry, all of the things discussed here will be explained in the next chapters. I wanted to trick you give you a snapshot of the final situation so that you would wonder how things escalated to that point and want to read more. Sneaky, huh? lol. Chapter two is about how everthing begins: it's already written and waiting to be posted : pets it : I suppose a9 fans guessed who's the friend Tora was talking about...
I'm sorry for the lameness of the SagaxRuki scene: I had never written anything sexy before (yes, that's my excuse lol). I promise I'll do better next time. There was a bit of symbolism in there... Ruki didn't want to be kissed on the lips because he didn't want to pass his knowledge onto Saga. If you want to get more information about synaesthesia, you can find it here. It's an interesting thing to experience.
Are there any questions or things you would like to say? What did you think? I'm really curious about what you thought of the music. I chose Creature Creature because it fitted the mood perfectly and they deserve more love, damnit! Their Light&Lust album is teh sex. Yes? No? Comment, comment, comment!
Chapters: 1/?
Author: shii_tan
Genre: AU, thriller, a bit of drama
Warnings: implied drug use and acts of violence, wtf-ish moments, synaesthesia
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: implied SagaxTora, SagaxRuki, implied RukixUruha
Characters: the GazettE, Alice Nine and more jrockers to come
Synopsis: What's the point of making a living when you can't die at all?
Comment: Be prepared. This some seriously bizarre stuff. A soundtrack is provided to enhance your reading experience. Let me know what you think : evil grin : kenxkenlove, merci pour ton aide précieuse :D
Chapter One: Mass Hysteria
Soundtrack: download and loop Ten Miniku Ranman, by Creature Creature
"... says?"
I slowly blinked and glanced around me before realizing that I was the one the barman had just spoken to.
"That Kai," he repeated with a nod towards the huge plasma screen hanging above his head, "do you believe what he says?"
I didn't need to look at the television to see who he was talking about - the guy had been all over the place lately, it was kind of hard to avoid him. Sitting behind a huge desk with his trademark smile on his face, Kai was calmly talking to the camera, seducing it with his sweet, soothing words. Thankfully, the sound had been set on mute, which would spare me from hearing them again.
"Considering where we're at right now, everybody does to some extent," I said with the least subtle I-don't-give-a-fuck tone I could come up with, hoping to cut the conversation short before it went any further.
"You have to admit, though... Some of it sounds so - how to say this? - true to me sometimes it's a little creepy. I mean, with the dissolutions and everything. Did you hear about the group from Sapporo? There were at least a fourteen of them, holding hands. Can you imagine? I was talking about it with my landlady the other night and - "
"Thanks for the beers," I interrupted with a stiff smile as I picked them up from the counter and started making my way back to the seats me and the guys were occupying. Quitting my job before mid-night break today hadn't felt as satisfactory as I'd expected, and there were better things to do than talk about stuff that had already been discussed a billion times.
"Oi, Ruki! What took you so long, man?"
Mitsuo had spent most of the evening sipping on his drink quietly - something he would usually do when the conversation revolved around permanents-related matters - and to make things worse, Saga's friend wasn't exactly entertaining.
"As I was saying", Tora resumed, "the result looks so natural you would never guess he had them altered."
I brought my bottle to my lips, eyeing him carefully. Tora was new to the business - I had guessed it before he had started to talk about this, before he had even opened his mouth to introduce himself, because of the scent newcomers usually exuded and the way he kept yapping about statistics and adaptation. The topic of the moment was plastic surgery; no one gave a fuck but they were being too polite to stop him.
"Really..." Saga almost droned.
"Yeah, he got it done in Korea... It's pretty common over there. I'm thinking of doing the same since my health insurance covers it, but I don't know..." He absent-mindedly touched the corners of his mouth, which were a little swollen. "I still need to get used to these. They're quite... uncomfortable." He turned into my direction. "What do you think?"
I shrugged, and he almost looked at me like it was an offence to the so called community that I wasn't showing more interest than that. Mitsuo raised an eyebrow that said "play nice" and Saga put an elbow on the table, his lips curving upwards. "Yes, Ruki, what do you think? We're dying to hear your opinion on the matter."
"My teeth are fine, thank you very much", I said before flashing them in what Mitsuo called my 'carnal smile'. Tora's eyes widened slightly for a second and I watched him in amusement swiftly morphing his surprised expression into a frown. "There are more intelligent ways to spend your money than waste it on that superficial bullshit."
"Superficial bullshit?" he repeated in disbelief. "If you knew the percentage of permanents cutting all ties with their families or even dissolving because of their physical appearance…”
"Oh, please. I know the numbers - the Council keeps shoving them down our throats, but that's not the point. Not only is your softening procedure shamelessly expensive, it is also completely useless." I slowly leaned forward and waited until he unconsciously did the same - they always did, because curiosity always had the best of them. "Do you know why?" I whispered with a smile that I wanted to be reassuring.
He shook his head, his eyes fixed on my mouth.
"They grow back. It's as simple as that. There have been numerous reports about this, each of them censored, of course... They just don't want you to know, but you can find them on the Internet, if you know where to look."
Tora's eyebrows furrowed and his eyes scanned my face again.
"You're weird," he concluded after a moment.
"What?"
"You. You're weird."
Saga choked on his drink. Mitsuo fished a couple of stale peanuts in the bowl in front of him; I knew he had that almost disapproving glare again, the one he kept for whenever I was in newbie destruction mode, but I smirked anyway.
"Confusion is the first step to salvation," I mused.
~ * ~
A few beers later, Saga suggested we finish somewhere else and against all odds Tora was first to decline.
"But this is when you're supposed to trick him into taking you home," I frowned. Saga shot me an angry stare that I ignored completely. "It's not even three yet."
"It's late enough for me," Tora shrugged. "Adjustment."
"I see."
There was something unusually fluid in the way he stretched. How old is he? Most neophytes were at least a little clumsy, like they were operating in a body that was almost too big for them. The guy grinned a very satisfied grin as he firmly shook my hand, then Mitsuo's. "You were quite interesting, to say the least. Saga, can I talk to you for a second?" Saga nodded, and the two men walked over to another booth nearby, leaving us alone for a moment.
"That Tora guy..." Mitsuo started.
"Yeah. He's hiding something."
An elbow on the table, I was observing him in silence, as he whispered something in Saga's ear. Tora looked up at me, not for long, just enough to let me know he knew I was watching and that smile reappeared on his lips. "Should I be worried?"
"I'm not sure." His eyes flickered to something behind me. "Quick, Ruki, how do I look?"
"Like you did when you came here, I guess."
"That girl over there has been checking me out since she came here. I'm thinking... maybe..." He played nervously with a toothpick. "Should I give it a shot?"
"You're asking me?" I laughed and turned around. She was leaning against the counter, wearing a sleeveless silk top that was hiding her neck, and her dark hair was flowing freely on her exposed shoulders. Her short skirt, and knee-length boots completed her ensemble. "Delicious."
"I think she's into me."
"Well, that's quite obvious... She's looking at you like you were a plate of hot, steamy pancakes."
"Is there anything I should know?"
"Besides the fact that she's a permanent?"
Mitsuo rolled his eyes. "A yes or a no would have sufficed."
She had to be a man eater - I could detect the smell of another man all over her as if he was standing right there, but I didn't tell Mitsuo anything, giving him an encouraging gesture instead. "Go get her before someone else does."
"I'll call you with all the details tomorrow" He grinned.
I made a face. "Thanks but no thanks. Be careful though, yeah?"
He took a deep breath, straightened his shirt and made his way to the gorgeous creature.
"Thank god!" I yelled right before he opened his mouth to introduce himself. "It was about time you got laid!"
~ * ~
"Let's see..." I grabbed the remote and started switching channels. Kai. Reruns. Council report. Another report. Kai. Kai. Reruns. Kai. Reruns. Reruns. Kai. Council report. "When did television become so shit?"
"They stopped most of the live broadcasts last week for technical reasons, apparently," Saga said from the kitchen. "It's been awhile since I last saw anything interesting."
Saga closed the door of the microwave and came to sit next to me on the couch, a mug in hand. My face scrunched in disgust as he raised it to drink, but he stopped his gesture before he brought it to his lips, as a silent interrogation.
"You really should stop drinking that stuff, it’s nasty."
"There was a special discount at the supermarket the other night."
"That's because they produce it in Afghanistan now. In huge, underground plants by the Chinese border. It's packed with useless additives, narcotics and plenty of other things you don't even want to hear about. Makes total sense when you think about it... What's better than a warm cup of formula when the world is going down the drain? "
On the screen, Izumi - freshly promoted to official spokesperson for the Japanese division of the Council - was talking about the highlights of the international permanents summit that was currently taking place in Helsinki. "... our population has to know that we will do everything, anything in our power to find tangible, long-term solutions to this catastrophic..." I set the sound on mute. Tell me something I don't already know, you filthy bastard.
"That's not what the label says."
"Labels won't tell you shit," I shrugged. "not these ones anyway. Is there anything you want to watch before I turn it off?"
"Not really, no." Saga's expression was something between puzzlement and interest. He became quiet for a moment, and after a few second of reflection, put his cup on the coffee table. "I think I've had enough entertainment for tonight."
"Right. Where did you find him?"
"At the meeting I attended last week."
I happily sang along to a melon-flavored cereal commercial that was followed by another permanent will advertisement - a will advertisement, for fuck's sake - and I burst out laughing. Boy, was I easily amused these days... "I never thought Kai fanatics made good dates material."
"Kai's association is not a cult, and Tora certainly wasn't a date."
"Then I guess he didn't know. He seemed very eager to get in your pants."
"What, are you jealous?"
"You wish... I wonder what you find so interesting about neophytes. There's a difference."
Saga tilted his head to the side with playful smile on his face. "Why do you want to know?"
"Just curious." I turned the television off, and leaned back into the comfortable couch. "I have no idea how you can put up with them. They can be so irritating."
"How could I explain this... Some of them radiate something fierce or intriguing, something that really compels you to get close to them. Something out of the ordinary."
"A glimpse of who they will become?"
He nodded.
"Yet at the same time, they still have a part of innocence. They've just stepped into a world they don't understand and they need someone to walk with them along the way... until they can make it on their own. It is very interesting to witness the transition."
"And a bit masochistic, if you ask me."
A soft laughter escaped his lips. "Maybe."
"It's hard to believe he fits the criteria," I said, raising an eyebrow.
"Tora asked me out after the lecture. I couldn't turn it down - who would have said no to that? Anything to make the end of the world more bearable, I suppose."
If the situation was different, if Saga hadn't been so literally right, I would have laughed. Closing my eyes, I perceived the distant sirens of a few fire trucks truck rushing downtown, but even if I tuned them out, if I chose to focus in this comfortable, secluded space, I could hear Saga breathing next to me, the heart beating in his chest, reminding me of how desperately real everything was. There was no escape.
"You, on the other hand..." He started hesitantly as he ran his fingertips over my cheekbone, then traced my jaw line almost experimentally. "You were supposed to break... but you changed. Into something I had never seen; something I still can't define."
"Tell me what you see."
"It's hard to describe. Sometimes, it feels like there's nothing at all. Complete darkness, but the colors are always there, swirling, changing." A peaceful, almost pious smile unfolded on his delicate face. "I wish you could see it... It's beautiful."
The simplicity of those words caught me off-guard. I realized, as he reached out a second time to pull him close to me, as he laid those kisses on my brow that I envied him. I too wanted to see those colors. I wanted to believe there was more ahead than the darkness, a way out of this mess that I had helped create. I wanted to forget everything I had seen, everything I'd heard about it. To wipe my memory clean of the unbearable truth and start again, as blissfully ignorant as the novices he enjoyed so much.
His lips were hovering above mine, so close that they were almost touching.
"Saga..." I warned.
"Come on," he whispered, looking at my mouth.
"No."
"Just once?"
"You heard me."
Saga's expression became unreadable.
"Which part of it didn't get to your - "
My brain stopped there when he pushed me down onto the couch. He buried his face in my neck; my eyes rolled back as he kissed his way up, the thumb from his left hand caressing my lower lip. Saga's teeth grazed over my ear; a loud moan escaped my lips when he bit it almost violently but soft enough for me to wish it did hurt. Taking advantage of my surprise, he crashed his mouth into mine. I immediately grabbed a hold of his hair, meaning to jerk his head away but the kiss he gave me was so different than what I had imagined that it laid still. His lips were moving against mine, consuming and demanding, yet soothing and gentle. He pulled back and looked at me in disbelief, as if to convince himself I was really there.
"Ruki?" he panted.
Saga knew it was a line he wasn't meant to cross; because it would mean the end of whatever it was that we had. As he stood there on top of me, with that strange light I had never seen in his eyes before, I wondered what would happen if I chose to close the distance between us this time, if I accepted everything he had to offer. Would I be able to forget all those lies, those deaths? Would you make them go away?
I doubted anyone could.
"I'm not staying," I finally managed to say. "don't bother trying to trick me into it."
I motioned for him to get off me but he didn't budge.
"It's almost morning... I wouldn't want anything happening to you on the way."
"Saga, I fucking live upstairs. Do you mind?"
Saga waited another few seconds before sitting up, his eyebrows furrowed.
"You're not very cooperative... And seriously unfair. Why can I kiss you everywhere but your lips? It doesn't make any sense."
"Shut up."
It was time to get up and leave. I was absolutely exhausted, and I couldn't think straight. I looked down at my slightly shaky hands, opening and closing them a few times, carefully. The throbbing sensation was now on the verge of becoming painful, but bearable; nothing I couldn't manage. As long as I didn't see tiny lights dancing in front of my eyes, I would be fine. My supplier hadn't returned any of my calls in awhile, and I was starting to worry... The idea of taking care of it myself made me a little uncomfortable.
I grabbed my jacket and made my way to the door.
"Don't make it more complicated than it really is, Ruki."
"I'm not - "
"Why won't you let me take care of you?"
I turned around, to look at him. He was simply sitting there, his head cocked to the side with an expecting gaze. There wasn't any sadness or anger in his voice, just curiosity and the faintest trace of irony. Or resignation.
"Because I don't want you."
"You wouldn't have to do anything," he continued as he got on his feet and slowly walked to me. "You wouldn't even have to love me."
"You're stupid." I said because it was the truth.
His beautiful smile reappeared as he wrapped his arms around me.
"I mean it. Every single word."
"I know. That's the point." I opened the door and took a first step into the hall, but he grabbed my wrist.
"It's been five months," Saga breathed out, his head hung low. "He's not coming back."
At that precise moment, I didn't know what to say. Some part of me wanted to thank him for his concern, and the other wanted to leave without saying anything, because it was for his own good. If you knew the truth, you would lose all hope. In me, yourself, everything. Even Kai wouldn't be able to save you. Instead, the only words falling from my lips were the same as always.
"I'll see you around."
My finger pressed the button to the seventh floor. We must remember our purpose, he had said. If we don't, we're fucked. I closed my eyes for a moment, but didn't find anything; when I opened them, the same darkness had flooded into view. The only colors were of the burning flames of the arsons in another parts of the city. Was this really how it was supposed to happen? There were so many things at stake, some of which we weren't even sure existed. And I wasn't ready. I didn't believe.
I stepped out of the elevator into the corridor and fished for my keys in my pocket. The odd feeling of something wrong struck me when I reached my door; it was half opened and a few splitters laid on the carpet-covered floor. The light inside of my apartment had been turned on, which I clearly remembered not doing.
Slowly, I pushed it further open and stepped inside, scanning the living room to find what they had or hadn’t taken away. Everything was still in place. I discreetly walked over to the bookshelf and reached out for the aluminum bat I always kept there. When I turned around, I noticed the plate with a half-eaten peanut butter sandwich laying on the kitchen counter; a bag of chips had been left on the sofa and my Play station had been used; a controller still laid on the ground, its cord untangled. What the fuck?
Some weird noise was coming from the bathroom. Whoever was in there was going through the cabinet and moving things around. Shit. Shit. Shit. I took a deep breath and tightened my grip on the bat held above my head.
"I know you're in there!" I yelled. "Get the fuck out!"
The doorknob turned slowly and there he was, his ridiculous Doraemon towel wrapped around his waist. The bat fell from my hands, then hit the floor with a loud thud, and his lips slowly curled into a smirk - that smirk I had not seen in months.
"Sorry about the door," Uruha said. "I lost your key."
Step Two >>
Dun dun DUN, right? : smirks :
Confusing, I know! That's because this chapter takes place a little before the end of the storyline. But don't worry, all of the things discussed here will be explained in the next chapters. I wanted to trick you give you a snapshot of the final situation so that you would wonder how things escalated to that point and want to read more. Sneaky, huh? lol. Chapter two is about how everthing begins: it's already written and waiting to be posted : pets it : I suppose a9 fans guessed who's the friend Tora was talking about...
I'm sorry for the lameness of the SagaxRuki scene: I had never written anything sexy before (yes, that's my excuse lol). I promise I'll do better next time. There was a bit of symbolism in there... Ruki didn't want to be kissed on the lips because he didn't want to pass his knowledge onto Saga. If you want to get more information about synaesthesia, you can find it here. It's an interesting thing to experience.
Are there any questions or things you would like to say? What did you think? I'm really curious about what you thought of the music. I chose Creature Creature because it fitted the mood perfectly and they deserve more love, damnit! Their Light&Lust album is teh sex. Yes? No? Comment, comment, comment!