LJ Idol Exhibit B Week 1

[yuniebaby]

Written as an intersection with majesticarky

James Everett Wight steps up to the plate like he means it. Every player's dream. And worst nightmare. Bottom of the ninth. Bases loaded. Two outs. Down by three. And Nathan's up to bat yet and, God love him, he can't hit to save his life. James's grip on the bat is sure as he raises it over his right shoulder, not

Comments

[_rabidwombat_]

This was great! I agree with unmowngrass about the pacing of this piece. Well done! And I liked the way the protagonist's goal was a personal one. For him it was more about getting a hit than it was about the team winning the game. And I enjoyed his realism. Very teenager. ;) The comments about his parents cheering, the knowing that Nathan would blow it.. etc., the way he talked himself through the 'at bat'... This was very well written. :)

[yuniebaby]

Thank you!

[fourzoas]

This was so much fun; I really liked the not-flow of the short sentences since they gave a feel of being there to hear the game being called.

[yuniebaby]

Thanks!

[whipchick]

This was a really satisfying read - I liked how much suspense you built on one small moment!

[yuniebaby]

Thank you!

[halfshellvenus]

Really captures that in-the-moment feeling of stress and worry and pay-attention-pay-attention to a hitter goes through. I'm not sure this gets much easier when you stop being a kid, either!

[yuniebaby]

I don't think it does either. Thanks for the feedback! ^_^

[dreamsreflected]

I loved the way you ended this.

[yuniebaby]

Thank you! I kept thinking maybe I needed just a short paragraph at the end, but couldn't figure out what else needed to be said. I'm glad you liked it. ^_^