The perks of being a sunflower
Title: The perks of being a s✿nflower
Parings: YunJae
Length: 1/3
Overall Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Inspiration from "The perks of being a wallflower"
Genre: AU, Romance, Drama
Summary: When they finally did it, Yunho said he loved Jaejoong. Then he started to cry. No matter what Jaejoong did, Yunho kept crying, saying that his dad will kill him and that he was going to Hell. Jaejoong pulled Yunho's pants up. "Just pretend you're passed out" He told him and walked out of the room, crying as well. He went back to the party from a different direction so nobody would know. Nobody could know.
F
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AN: This is inspired by Patrick ♥ Brad, a side story in The perks of being a wallflower, ... It's from a YJ POV of what it'd have been and it features more love and sapiness and less of everything else. I read the book so I could knowingly do the blasphemy. Hope you like it ^-^
Here are the characters from db5k POV:
Patrick ... Jae
Brad.... Yunho
Charlie ... Yoochun
Sam ... Junsu
Mary Elizabeth ... Changmin..............................................................................................................................................................................................................
It took him a while to understand the primitive sounds and the stiff dancing these people besides him were doing. They were filled with exhilaration, pumped with adrenaline that he'd only get performing the last scene from Rocky Horror Picture Show or singing to Blondie at full volume in his living room when nobody was at home.
His eyes traveled to the field of the blinding reflectors. There was the black bleak sky, lime green from the grass and red from the uniforms. He took a moment to freeze the moment, he concluded that it was sort of pretty, vibrant colors that would make a good photograph. He knew he was feeling lightheaded for he’d never admit saying something so romantic and retarded about football.
On the field the players shouted victory chants along with the crowd. He stood up and easily spotted him and he was smiling. His eyes wouldn’t leave him. He saw him scream and throw his helmet in the air and be crushed in the arms of the other players who raised him high, high above the ground and Jaejoong understood, they had won the game. Yunho won the game. He cracked a smile, before he threw his arms above his head and screamed his lungs out, jumping on the stands like the boys and girls besides him.
“GO LEOPARDS!”
He wanted to call his name, he wanted to go down on the field and hug him like the couch and the team were doing. He couldn’t, but he still smiled, it was all right. They only knew each other in the secrecy of his parent’s bedroom when nobody was home. He’d have Yunho later, tomorrow perhaps.
“You don’t really have to call me oppa”
“I thought you liked it”
“Well, you’re not really a girl, are you?” He pulled the waistband of Jaejoong’s red boxers as if to take a peek.
Yunho had always been drunk during the first months, with six bottles of soju feeding his brain along with blood. His perception was foggy and a quite oppa was the push he needed sometimes, but Jaejoong knew that Yunho knew that he had not made out with a girl in the dark, in his parent’s bed all this time.
“What would you like me to call you?”
“…Just Yunho”
“Hyung, you like football" The boy besides him said, not too astounded, but bewildered. His name was Yoochun and he was Jaejoong’s new favorite buddy. They met this year, his senior year though Yoochun was a freshman. He was quiet, but very nice kid with a big heart. Yoochun also cried a lot, the panicky type, so it was easy for Jaejoong to be fond of him.
“You wouldn’t have guessed would you? Me neither. At the beginning I thought it was sort of camouflage on animal research, but actually Chun, he’s not doing any camouflage. He’s another animal” Jaejoong's step-brother said, munching on Yoochun’s waffle fries.
"Oh thank you Su, especially cause you’re here with me right now”
Junsu smirked, Jaejoong's eyes on fire looking at the handsome quarterback shake his head, water dripping from his hair.
“But I do Chun. Love it. Love football! WOOOH!!"
d
Jaejoong planned to tell Yoochun one of these days the real reason why he was such a big football fan, why he hadn’t missed a single game ever since his junior days and why he was always cheering on those jocks that made fun of him and pushed him around. Yunho was its name.
Yunho wasn’t evil with Jaejoong like his pet apes, he was worst. The quarterback of the high school team publicly seemed to live in a world where the pretty boy didn’t exist. It had to be a very lucky day for Jaejoong if Yunho regarded him with a stare, but he never complained. Secrecy didn’t make Jaejoong sad, was very used to it over a year and a half now. However saying that his boyfriend was that kid who paid more attention to ant on the ground than him was not a very cool thing to confess, so he was a little relieved that his big talk with Yoochun hadn’t come yet.
Maybe Jaejoong stretched the opportunity to come clean for too long, and as time waits for no one, he was caught bloody red handed.
It was that night when they ditched the Homecoming Dance where music was lame and draining on the poor party spirit they could afford for a school dance. Just one worthy track was played all night.
Come on Eileen, too loo rye ay
Come on Eileen, too loo rye ay
(Now you have grown, now you have shown)
Toora toora, too loora (Oh Eileen)
The Dexys Midnigth Runners even got Yoochun dancing.
They went to Heechul’s place, there Jaejoong finally introduced Yoochun to Changmin. They talked and quickly seemed to get along, Yoochun thought Changmin was very interesting, he was a Buddhist and a punk, choleric and impatient. Jaejoong said he got meaner ever since becoming a Buddhist, but Yoochun found it amusing. He made all sort of snarky remarks on pretty much everything Jaejoong said and the latter’s response was to hit him.
“Hey! Look who’s here!” Junsu called in the middle of another of their punching matches.
Yoochun turned around and gaped, he didn’t expect that person, neither affectionately holding Junsu by the waist like Junsu was to him or smiling at the person behind him who was Jaejoong.
“Is that Jung Yunho?” He asked.
Jaejoong stopped hitting Changmin and stood up from the couch at once, smiling from ear to ear.
“Yeah, he comes here sometimes” Ryeowook replied.
Yoochun wouldn’t understand why everybody around him was now chuckling and looking at each other. What was he missing? More than amused with the arrival of the popular kid, he was perplexed. What was Jung Yunho doing at this party?
It didn’t take him too long to find out the reason.
“Oh!” Yoochun gaped stupidly for the second time that night. Wrong door, this was not the bathroom, but the master bedroom where Jaejoong and Yunho happened to be kissing.
“Chun”
And Yoochun turned around and walked away.
“Wha- who was that kid? Do you know him?”
“It’s all right. Yes, he’s a friend of mine. Stay here. I’ll be right back” Jaejoong said buttoning his shirt.
“I didn’t see anything” Yoochun made clear that he had no intention to meddle.
“Yeah, I know you saw something. But it’s okay … Listen Chun. Umm” He laughed, maybe he didn’t mind as much as Yunho did to be caught like that.
Yoochun stared at his friend, Jaejoong had sparks in his eyes and he couldn’t stop that flustered, goofy smile, he laughed with him. There were really no words left to say. They were together and that explained the strange dynamic they had on the school grounds. Yoochun then realized the possibilities out there, how this particular piece of knowledge could change the entire school. Yoochun, himself was stupefied to see Yunho hanging around with them, it’d be cool if Yunho let the world know who he liked, people would stop calling Jaejoong “Nothing”. But then maybe, he realized, worst words would come out directed to both of them. Faggot . Yoochun decided it was not really his choice to make what they should do, overall Jaejoong seemed happy, stupidly happy.
“Yunho doesn’t want anyone to know”
“Why?”
“Because he’s scared.... Listen Chun, I need you to promise me that you’re not gonna say anything to anyone about me and Yunho. This has to be our little secret. Okay?”
“Our little secret. Okay. ”
“Thank you. We’ll talk later. Now I have to go back before he panics”
“I look forward to that big talk!”
Jaejoong waved and ran back to the bedroom. When he walked inside, he found his suspicions a reality. Yunho was putting on his blazer, all set to go.
“You’re leaving?”
The jock didn’t respond, but kept looking around the room, under the bed, under the armchair.
“Yunho, he’s my friend. I trust him. He promised me he wouldn’t say anything”
“I can’t find my shoe”
Jaejoong had to stand in front of him to make Yunho stop his deranged search. The taller boy had no other choice, but meet Jaejoong’s eyes and see the resentment in his face, which was rather due to how he always disregarded his feelings and played with him than really being upset that he was just leaving.
Yunho didn’t want to deal with that. He didn’t want to deal with a lot of things in fact. He wasn’t ready. When he was with Jaejoong, he just wanted to make love to him, he didn’t want to think why it wasn’t a girl who made him feel this intoxicated and lightheaded, why there was no girl who he liked as much and who he cared as much as Jaejoong. The answers to those questions were frightening and for a 17 year-old boy it wasn’t fair that love was that scary. It was easier to drink, blame Jaejoong and run away when he felt the walls were closing in on him.
“I have to go” And he pressed a quick kiss to Jaejoong’s lips. He made an attempt to move, but he wasn’t allowed.
“Jaejoong” He called, trying to move but the pretty boy was impassable like a brick wall and he shook his head at Yunho.
The good thing about Jaejoong, one of a thousand, was that he was too sweet to stay angry for long, he also liked stressing Yunho’s patience most times.
“You’re not going anywhere” He said, spreading his arms to block any exit. He wouldn’t let Yunho go. Yoochun walking in on them put Yunho’s nerves on edge and at those times, though he tried to toughen up, Yunho became fragile like an anxious little kitten we wanted to protect and comfort.
Yet one of Yunho’s curses was that he was too strong. How could that ever be a problem for a kid born to play football? Well, the jock happened to be dating a flimsy boy who hated sports, was sort of hippie and loved fine art. Someone was meant to get hurt.
“Get away from me!” Yunho pushed Jaejoong and the latter fell to the ground.
This time his strength multiplied by the feelings that stirred inside him.
Jaejoong stayed in the ground, not believing that Yunho had just hit him. The tone of his voice was angered, frustrated. Smoke could be coming out of Yunho’s head, so when the boy leaned down to reach him, unconsciously Jaejoong shrunk.
Yunho pulled him on his feet and stared at him. He wasn’t calm yet, but he kissed him hard. Jaejoong knew it wasn’t healthy, but he immediately forgave him and kissed him back.
“I’m sorry”
“What am I going to do with you?” Jaejoong told him, trying to hold back the tears. He wrapped his arms around Yunho as the latter scooped him closer. They sat by the end of the bed.
“…If we were ever to be found by your dad, you’ll start beating me up so he wouldn’t tell, won’t you?”
“I’m sorry”
“It’s not Yoochun who made you upset, it’s me because you like me”.
Yes, because if Yunho were to blame someone for this madness it would be Jaejoong for ever coming into his sight, but at the same time, it was not a choice to have fallen for him.
“He shouldn’t have come in, Jae. What if he doesn’t keep shut?”
“It was my fault. I forgot to lock the door.”
“Too many people know”
“Just my friends know…. My friends are great, unlike the guys you hang out with”
There was no point worth arguing there.
“Yunho?... Don’t hit me again all right?”
Yunho’s heart twitched, how could he ask him not to. He shouldn’t have and should never again.
“I’m sorry. I won’t”
“Good” Jaejoong said and pulled himself closer to kiss Yunho’s cheek. “You’re really just going to leave me like this, with my belt undone and with your gum in my mouth?”
Yunho started to comb Jaejoong’s hair and fixing his clothes, but one kiss, followed by another kiss, Jaejoong parted Yunho’s lips with his own, Yunho tasted his mouth with his tongue, Jaejoong pulled him down into the bed, Yunho put his hands inside Jaejoong's shirt and they were back to the start, secure in each other’s arms, doing what they were doing before Yoochun ever walked in.
Door unlocked.
lllll✿ llllllll✿llllllll✿lllllllll✿lllllll✿lllIII
Yunho was never mean, he wasn’t full of himself, but he played one to perfection when he was with his friends. He was smart, could easily get A’s, but didn’t try. He just played football like his father told him to. He was handsome and cool, like every jock should and as queer as a three dollar bill.
Jaejoong was never serious, never quite, never invisible. Like every little Dali, he was eccentric and bit unhinged. He was good at music, good at listening and good at laughing. He hated prejudices, carpentry class and he hated jocks, loved Yunho, loved his friends, sucked at lying and sucked cock.
Their story was hard to explain. Where to start? He was the new kid in the school district after his dad married Junsu’s mother. It was the best that could have happened to all four, Junsu and Jaejoong had agreed. Thus Jaejoong and Yunho crossed paths ever since the first day of junior year. They were in the same classroom, had the same teachers, lived in the same neighborhood, eat at the same places, but didn’t share one single friend nor exchanged a word with each other for almost a year.
They weren’t really opposites, so there was no law of attraction that would forever bind them, but even if red and orange didn’t look good together, they got together somehow.
The first step was a simple as a glance and that’s exactly what Yunho did.
“He stared at me” Jaejoong told Yoochun. “And he’d let my eyes meet his. But then he casually looked away, so I never thought too much into it. He didn’t smile at me or anything, as it had been nothing”
“Yeah, but then it kept happening. I was there” Junsu added. “And he stared for too long too”
“He just looked at me… in the eyes” Jaejoong was hiding his face now, arms on the table.
“You’re embarrassing, hyung. If you take notice of those rare moments now when Yunho looks at Jaejoong, you’ll see what I mean. They’re just too obvious”
“That’s why he avoids me all the time” Jaejoong let out somewhat melancholic.
“But if the glances aren’t proof enough, which they are, whenever hyung made a joke, Yunho laughed. But not like the open laugh, or like the other jocks that they laugh and retort making fun of you and your joke”
Not expressively because how could the cool kid agree and like whatever it was that ‘the less popular’ were saying? But most definitely Yunho always had a secret smile to spare for Jaejoong.
“He laughed like he was amused. His lips curved upwards. I could see it from the corner of my eyes” Jaejoong spoke, still hiding.
“That was all confirmation we needed, really. Hyung’s jokes are not funny. I do much better than him don’t I?”
Yoochun chuckled. He was convinced Junsu lived in his own world most times, an ideal bubble where he was actually hilarious and charismatic. But truthfully, the Junsu he got to know so well was twice as cute than the world itself, he was clumsy and caring and just not that witty, in fact awful at that. Jaejoong’s jokes, on the other hand were as good as his big brother’s polish jokes.
“So Yunho looked at you in the eyes and he laughed at your jokes.” Yoochun made clear on their satiating proof. “But didn’t he have a girlfriend back then?” He realized shortly after that he should have said that, some things better left unspoken, but Jaejoong and Junsu just smiled at him.
“He was dating one of the cheerleaders” Jaejoong confirmed.
“Still that barely makes a difference like those men who are married and with kids and then realized all they want is another man in bed” Jaejoong laughed at Junsu's words and pushed him. Yoochun had to agree though, he had thought about it before, so many happy families that seemed to be out there, but one of the spouses might be living a torment every day.
“I was starting to have a hunch you know? Because if we take Yunho out of his football uniform, he’s just like us. No ape jock would be interested in me, like a friend or more”
“Yunho out of his uniform, makes me think we should just skip to the juicy part" And Jaejoong laughed again and pushed his brother. "I’ll tell you about it Chunnie. So, because Yunho is a pansy and wouldn’t-”
“Don’t call him that”
“I forgot the wife is here. Well, I was saying cause Yunho wouldn’t make a move, he’d just stare at hyung until they both grew old, hyung decided he’d take the lead. So one day, they were at the library…”
It was simple, no elaborated plan behind. He’d give Yunho a note, it shouldn’t have anything too compromising inside, after all, he wasn’t 100% certain about Yunho’s feelings, intentions, anything. He might like Jaejoong or he might as well be a psychopath who fantasized about his murder every time he saw him, both options fitted the profile.
Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever.
When was safe ever Jaejoong’s style?
“You invited him to the local Rocky Horror showings?” Yoochun was baffled, even if Jaejoong and Junsu were laughing to tears right now. “Did he go?”
“Not only did he go, but he was at the front row” Changmin joined as he placed his tray on the table and sat besides Jaejoong.
“So he saw you? Like with the panties and hills and fishnet?”
“That was sort of his plan, Chunnie”
“And because Yunho sat so close to the stage and Jaejoong had to honor the name of libidinous Frank -N-Furter, he gave the man a lap dance. OW! What?!”
“I did not! It was not a lap dance. I just…”
“You just sat on his lap, hugged him, touched him all over and shook your booty on his face”
“It was a lapdance, hyung”
Yoochun simply stared, open-mouthed and bewildered, trying very hard to imagine what had happened and Yunho’s face while Jaejoong danced to him in flashy underwear. He saw photographs of the play and he was an adorable Dr. Frank-n-Furter, the overstated make up looked good on his face and if not for the fact that his nipples were out of the corset and there was a bulge in his panties, he’d fool anyone as a stunning young woman.
“The audience went crazy” Junsu remembered, a smile crept onto his lips. “You should have seen Yunho’s face. It was hilarious. He didn’t know what to do. You were so bold, hyung”
“I was playing a character, no other than the most provocative transvestite in the history of alien invasion”
“I think he loved it”
“Thank you, Changminnie”
“So what happened next? You guys talked? What did he say?” Yoochun questioned.
“Well, I looked for him after the show was over, but I couldn’t find him. I thought he left. But then when we were wrapping everything up in the car, there he was in front of the theater. He looked like he wanted to leave, like debating with himself? I wanted to speak to him, but… I sort of froze. Yeah, don’t ask me how that happened.”
“After the lap dance, he suddenly became shy. I think that’s what you call shame” Changmin pointed out and Jaejoong hit him.
“So I talked to Yunho” Junsu told him “I invited him over Minnie’s place cause we were celebrating that the play had been a success and stuff and well he came with us”
“So at the party you finally talked?”
“The thing is Chun, Yunho and I, we never really talked during the first months. That night and the next ones that came, he got drunk, though he was pretending to be a lot drunker than he really was, and well we kissed and… it was like the weight of the whole world left both our shoulders.”
It was a game, it started with Yunho drinking till he dropped and ended with them kissing on the bed. It was hard for Jaejoong, but he liked Yunho’s kisses despite the alcohol breath. They secretly met every weekend for 7 months, every Monday Yunho would say to him: Man, I was so wasted, I don’t remember a thing . That wasn’t so fun, the game was over and now it was Jaejoong’s mission to help Yunho sober up before they did anything. When he was able to reduce the number of beer bottles to none, Yunho still kissed him and…
“That’s all you need to know, no more information to feed your moldy heads”
Despite the other’s loud complains and accusations that he was a tease and that he’d always leave the juicy details out, Jaejoong didn’t say more, ever. It was his and Yunho’s story, locked inside his heart like a treasure he refused to share with others.
Yunho told him he was coming. It was past 12 am and Jaejoong was still waiting, sitting on the bed, in front of the window and hoping to see and hear a tiny rock hit the crystal. Yunho always threw rocks at his window around 11:30. Tonight Jaejoong was starting to believe the worst.
“Nobody can know about this” Yunho told him the first time he was completely sober and not in a party and willingly looked for Jaejoong and climbed up to his bedroom.
He stopped saying that, Jaejoong was happy it wasn’t his greeting anymore. Now Yunho said hey or hi and pecked his lips. It looked almost right, like Yunho wasn’t thinking anymore about the abnormal things they were going to do, but just seemed happy he was there and that they were together.
But if one day he stopped coming and he stopped looking for him and finally tried to repress who he was and who he liked and pushed him away completely from his life? Jaejoong always wondered about it when he waited for Yunho. Tonight he was late and Jaejoong was rubbing his hands nervously.
Pst. Pst
He took a breath of relief and looked out the window, Yunho was rubbing their poodle’s belly. Hiro loved Yunho. His father got the fluffy ‘guardian dog’ when his mom didn’t stop complaining about those damn cats that messed with her flowers at night. Weirdly, those cats never got in the yard, just the arrangements she put right under Jaejoong’s window. Well, Yunho had to hold up to something.
He gave Yunho a hand and helped him inside the room. “I thought you wouldn’t come”
“It was my dad, he fell asleep on the couch. I had to get out from my bedroom’s window”
“You jumped from the second floor?”
“I climbed down and jumped from the first roof. It’s all right. I fell on my butt” He rubbed his behind.
Jaejoong felt a pang inside his chest, but he still grinned. His heart was racing crazy ever since he saw Yunho and having him in front, he couldn’t take his eyes of him.
Yunho smiled back and hugged him. These hugs Jaejoong couldn’t get enough, if his friends really knew how shy and silly he became in the other’s arms, they’d tease them both to social suicide. He looked for Yunho’s lips before he could even imagine it, he just wanted to enjoy feeling the other boy so close.
“Your parents aren't home right?”
“Just my mom, but it’s all right. This house is too big”
Yunho didn’t argue or maybe it was Jaejoong’s kisses what made him shut up. They were soon on the bed and Jaejoong naked, working on Yunho’s boxers. Yunho was on top and Jaejoong had his legs spread on either side of his body. It wasn’t quiet inside the room, but from the other side of the hall, not a soul could be heard. It was really a big house.
Jaejoong realized that this was the side of Yunho he liked the most. The team’s leather jacket made him look dreamy, but the Yunho that was naked in his arms was the real Yunho and was his. They hadn’t really gone as far as penetration to be claiming to be each other’s like most couples do after sex, they just fooled around, like touching and like right now rubbing against each other.
Jaejoong was shaking because he was about to see the fireworks. Yunho didn’t mind that he came on his stomach, he said he liked it.
“Yunho. I … I can’t hold-”
Yunho kissed him. “Wait” He whispered to his ear and stalled their movements. Jaejoong squirmed, he was so close that if Yunho kissed his earlobe or suck his tongue like he did sometimes, he’d spill right there.
“What’s… wrong?”
Yunho stared at him. He did it for a while. His eyes were different, like if there was implausible doubt in them. Jaejoong could still feel his member, hard, against his own. Tonight should be like any other night together, but then why…?
Jaejoong suddenly got scared, he hugged Yunho and Yunho rested his head on his shoulder. Shortly after, Jaejoong felt a warm drop stream down his back to his butt.
“It’s all right Yunho, just pretend you passed out … Let me take care of it” Let me love you. I love you. That’s all he wanted to tell him, but held back. He didn’t know if Yunho will shun him if he ever let his heart out for him, because this was only a game right? Both knew well it wasn’t. So he gave Yunho a kiss on his head while his hand traveled down his hips and he pumped him.
Unable to comfort him with his feelings, Jaejoong used his body. Yunho was moaning against his ear, even called his name twice, that made Jaejoong feel important to him. Yunho could push him and slap his hand away any minute, but he had never before.
Tonight, he did and Jaejoong’s heart shrunk.
Eventually Yunho pulled him back to his arms and started kissing him, but Jaejoong was also crying.
“…I want to make love to you”
It was the way Yunho said it, as if an apology to have offended or have killed, with genuine remorse. There were tears in his eyes. But he didn’t call it ‘sex’ or ‘fuck’ as an every other day thing. It was more than that, it was love and he was sorry for love.
That made Jaejoong’s heart break, good old fashioned lover boy was gay and he was in pain. Should they write love letters to each other and have a platonic relationship, would that be better? Would that heal Yunho? Jaejoong didn't think so, that was just sad for them because it wasn't distance or time what stood in between, it was people. People who didn't appreaciate love that didn't fit certain rules. Love was love and it was beautiful regardless.
Knowing Yunho felt love for him gave Jaejoong courage. He was ready to have his first time with the boy who was scared and took cheerleaders to the dances instead of him.
He wiped his own tears and wiped Yunho’s. “You can make love to me all night”
______________________________________________________________________________________
Parings: YunJae
Length: 1/3
Overall Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Inspiration from "The perks of being a wallflower"
Genre: AU, Romance, Drama
Summary: When they finally did it, Yunho said he loved Jaejoong. Then he started to cry. No matter what Jaejoong did, Yunho kept crying, saying that his dad will kill him and that he was going to Hell. Jaejoong pulled Yunho's pants up. "Just pretend you're passed out" He told him and walked out of the room, crying as well. He went back to the party from a different direction so nobody would know. Nobody could know.
F
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AN: This is inspired by Patrick ♥ Brad, a side story in The perks of being a wallflower, ... It's from a YJ POV of what it'd have been and it features more love and sapiness and less of everything else. I read the book so I could knowingly do the blasphemy. Hope you like it ^-^
Here are the characters from db5k POV:
Patrick ... Jae
Brad.... Yunho
Charlie ... Yoochun
Sam ... Junsu
Mary Elizabeth ... Changmin..............................................................................................................................................................................................................
It took him a while to understand the primitive sounds and the stiff dancing these people besides him were doing. They were filled with exhilaration, pumped with adrenaline that he'd only get performing the last scene from Rocky Horror Picture Show or singing to Blondie at full volume in his living room when nobody was at home.
His eyes traveled to the field of the blinding reflectors. There was the black bleak sky, lime green from the grass and red from the uniforms. He took a moment to freeze the moment, he concluded that it was sort of pretty, vibrant colors that would make a good photograph. He knew he was feeling lightheaded for he’d never admit saying something so romantic and retarded about football.
On the field the players shouted victory chants along with the crowd. He stood up and easily spotted him and he was smiling. His eyes wouldn’t leave him. He saw him scream and throw his helmet in the air and be crushed in the arms of the other players who raised him high, high above the ground and Jaejoong understood, they had won the game. Yunho won the game. He cracked a smile, before he threw his arms above his head and screamed his lungs out, jumping on the stands like the boys and girls besides him.
“GO LEOPARDS!”
He wanted to call his name, he wanted to go down on the field and hug him like the couch and the team were doing. He couldn’t, but he still smiled, it was all right. They only knew each other in the secrecy of his parent’s bedroom when nobody was home. He’d have Yunho later, tomorrow perhaps.
“You don’t really have to call me oppa”
“I thought you liked it”
“Well, you’re not really a girl, are you?” He pulled the waistband of Jaejoong’s red boxers as if to take a peek.
Yunho had always been drunk during the first months, with six bottles of soju feeding his brain along with blood. His perception was foggy and a quite oppa was the push he needed sometimes, but Jaejoong knew that Yunho knew that he had not made out with a girl in the dark, in his parent’s bed all this time.
“What would you like me to call you?”
“…Just Yunho”
“Hyung, you like football" The boy besides him said, not too astounded, but bewildered. His name was Yoochun and he was Jaejoong’s new favorite buddy. They met this year, his senior year though Yoochun was a freshman. He was quiet, but very nice kid with a big heart. Yoochun also cried a lot, the panicky type, so it was easy for Jaejoong to be fond of him.
“You wouldn’t have guessed would you? Me neither. At the beginning I thought it was sort of camouflage on animal research, but actually Chun, he’s not doing any camouflage. He’s another animal” Jaejoong's step-brother said, munching on Yoochun’s waffle fries.
"Oh thank you Su, especially cause you’re here with me right now”
Junsu smirked, Jaejoong's eyes on fire looking at the handsome quarterback shake his head, water dripping from his hair.
“But I do Chun. Love it. Love football! WOOOH!!"
d
Jaejoong planned to tell Yoochun one of these days the real reason why he was such a big football fan, why he hadn’t missed a single game ever since his junior days and why he was always cheering on those jocks that made fun of him and pushed him around. Yunho was its name.
Yunho wasn’t evil with Jaejoong like his pet apes, he was worst. The quarterback of the high school team publicly seemed to live in a world where the pretty boy didn’t exist. It had to be a very lucky day for Jaejoong if Yunho regarded him with a stare, but he never complained. Secrecy didn’t make Jaejoong sad, was very used to it over a year and a half now. However saying that his boyfriend was that kid who paid more attention to ant on the ground than him was not a very cool thing to confess, so he was a little relieved that his big talk with Yoochun hadn’t come yet.
Maybe Jaejoong stretched the opportunity to come clean for too long, and as time waits for no one, he was caught bloody red handed.
It was that night when they ditched the Homecoming Dance where music was lame and draining on the poor party spirit they could afford for a school dance. Just one worthy track was played all night.
Come on Eileen, too loo rye ay
Come on Eileen, too loo rye ay
(Now you have grown, now you have shown)
Toora toora, too loora (Oh Eileen)
The Dexys Midnigth Runners even got Yoochun dancing.
They went to Heechul’s place, there Jaejoong finally introduced Yoochun to Changmin. They talked and quickly seemed to get along, Yoochun thought Changmin was very interesting, he was a Buddhist and a punk, choleric and impatient. Jaejoong said he got meaner ever since becoming a Buddhist, but Yoochun found it amusing. He made all sort of snarky remarks on pretty much everything Jaejoong said and the latter’s response was to hit him.
“Hey! Look who’s here!” Junsu called in the middle of another of their punching matches.
Yoochun turned around and gaped, he didn’t expect that person, neither affectionately holding Junsu by the waist like Junsu was to him or smiling at the person behind him who was Jaejoong.
“Is that Jung Yunho?” He asked.
Jaejoong stopped hitting Changmin and stood up from the couch at once, smiling from ear to ear.
“Yeah, he comes here sometimes” Ryeowook replied.
Yoochun wouldn’t understand why everybody around him was now chuckling and looking at each other. What was he missing? More than amused with the arrival of the popular kid, he was perplexed. What was Jung Yunho doing at this party?
It didn’t take him too long to find out the reason.
“Oh!” Yoochun gaped stupidly for the second time that night. Wrong door, this was not the bathroom, but the master bedroom where Jaejoong and Yunho happened to be kissing.
“Chun”
And Yoochun turned around and walked away.
“Wha- who was that kid? Do you know him?”
“It’s all right. Yes, he’s a friend of mine. Stay here. I’ll be right back” Jaejoong said buttoning his shirt.
“I didn’t see anything” Yoochun made clear that he had no intention to meddle.
“Yeah, I know you saw something. But it’s okay … Listen Chun. Umm” He laughed, maybe he didn’t mind as much as Yunho did to be caught like that.
Yoochun stared at his friend, Jaejoong had sparks in his eyes and he couldn’t stop that flustered, goofy smile, he laughed with him. There were really no words left to say. They were together and that explained the strange dynamic they had on the school grounds. Yoochun then realized the possibilities out there, how this particular piece of knowledge could change the entire school. Yoochun, himself was stupefied to see Yunho hanging around with them, it’d be cool if Yunho let the world know who he liked, people would stop calling Jaejoong “Nothing”. But then maybe, he realized, worst words would come out directed to both of them. Faggot . Yoochun decided it was not really his choice to make what they should do, overall Jaejoong seemed happy, stupidly happy.
“Yunho doesn’t want anyone to know”
“Why?”
“Because he’s scared.... Listen Chun, I need you to promise me that you’re not gonna say anything to anyone about me and Yunho. This has to be our little secret. Okay?”
“Our little secret. Okay. ”
“Thank you. We’ll talk later. Now I have to go back before he panics”
“I look forward to that big talk!”
Jaejoong waved and ran back to the bedroom. When he walked inside, he found his suspicions a reality. Yunho was putting on his blazer, all set to go.
“You’re leaving?”
The jock didn’t respond, but kept looking around the room, under the bed, under the armchair.
“Yunho, he’s my friend. I trust him. He promised me he wouldn’t say anything”
“I can’t find my shoe”
Jaejoong had to stand in front of him to make Yunho stop his deranged search. The taller boy had no other choice, but meet Jaejoong’s eyes and see the resentment in his face, which was rather due to how he always disregarded his feelings and played with him than really being upset that he was just leaving.
Yunho didn’t want to deal with that. He didn’t want to deal with a lot of things in fact. He wasn’t ready. When he was with Jaejoong, he just wanted to make love to him, he didn’t want to think why it wasn’t a girl who made him feel this intoxicated and lightheaded, why there was no girl who he liked as much and who he cared as much as Jaejoong. The answers to those questions were frightening and for a 17 year-old boy it wasn’t fair that love was that scary. It was easier to drink, blame Jaejoong and run away when he felt the walls were closing in on him.
“I have to go” And he pressed a quick kiss to Jaejoong’s lips. He made an attempt to move, but he wasn’t allowed.
“Jaejoong” He called, trying to move but the pretty boy was impassable like a brick wall and he shook his head at Yunho.
The good thing about Jaejoong, one of a thousand, was that he was too sweet to stay angry for long, he also liked stressing Yunho’s patience most times.
“You’re not going anywhere” He said, spreading his arms to block any exit. He wouldn’t let Yunho go. Yoochun walking in on them put Yunho’s nerves on edge and at those times, though he tried to toughen up, Yunho became fragile like an anxious little kitten we wanted to protect and comfort.
Yet one of Yunho’s curses was that he was too strong. How could that ever be a problem for a kid born to play football? Well, the jock happened to be dating a flimsy boy who hated sports, was sort of hippie and loved fine art. Someone was meant to get hurt.
“Get away from me!” Yunho pushed Jaejoong and the latter fell to the ground.
This time his strength multiplied by the feelings that stirred inside him.
Jaejoong stayed in the ground, not believing that Yunho had just hit him. The tone of his voice was angered, frustrated. Smoke could be coming out of Yunho’s head, so when the boy leaned down to reach him, unconsciously Jaejoong shrunk.
Yunho pulled him on his feet and stared at him. He wasn’t calm yet, but he kissed him hard. Jaejoong knew it wasn’t healthy, but he immediately forgave him and kissed him back.
“I’m sorry”
“What am I going to do with you?” Jaejoong told him, trying to hold back the tears. He wrapped his arms around Yunho as the latter scooped him closer. They sat by the end of the bed.
“…If we were ever to be found by your dad, you’ll start beating me up so he wouldn’t tell, won’t you?”
“I’m sorry”
“It’s not Yoochun who made you upset, it’s me because you like me”.
Yes, because if Yunho were to blame someone for this madness it would be Jaejoong for ever coming into his sight, but at the same time, it was not a choice to have fallen for him.
“He shouldn’t have come in, Jae. What if he doesn’t keep shut?”
“It was my fault. I forgot to lock the door.”
“Too many people know”
“Just my friends know…. My friends are great, unlike the guys you hang out with”
There was no point worth arguing there.
“Yunho?... Don’t hit me again all right?”
Yunho’s heart twitched, how could he ask him not to. He shouldn’t have and should never again.
“I’m sorry. I won’t”
“Good” Jaejoong said and pulled himself closer to kiss Yunho’s cheek. “You’re really just going to leave me like this, with my belt undone and with your gum in my mouth?”
Yunho started to comb Jaejoong’s hair and fixing his clothes, but one kiss, followed by another kiss, Jaejoong parted Yunho’s lips with his own, Yunho tasted his mouth with his tongue, Jaejoong pulled him down into the bed, Yunho put his hands inside Jaejoong's shirt and they were back to the start, secure in each other’s arms, doing what they were doing before Yoochun ever walked in.
Door unlocked.
lllll✿ llllllll✿llllllll✿lllllllll✿lllllll✿lllIII
Yunho was never mean, he wasn’t full of himself, but he played one to perfection when he was with his friends. He was smart, could easily get A’s, but didn’t try. He just played football like his father told him to. He was handsome and cool, like every jock should and as queer as a three dollar bill.
Jaejoong was never serious, never quite, never invisible. Like every little Dali, he was eccentric and bit unhinged. He was good at music, good at listening and good at laughing. He hated prejudices, carpentry class and he hated jocks, loved Yunho, loved his friends, sucked at lying and sucked cock.
Their story was hard to explain. Where to start? He was the new kid in the school district after his dad married Junsu’s mother. It was the best that could have happened to all four, Junsu and Jaejoong had agreed. Thus Jaejoong and Yunho crossed paths ever since the first day of junior year. They were in the same classroom, had the same teachers, lived in the same neighborhood, eat at the same places, but didn’t share one single friend nor exchanged a word with each other for almost a year.
They weren’t really opposites, so there was no law of attraction that would forever bind them, but even if red and orange didn’t look good together, they got together somehow.
The first step was a simple as a glance and that’s exactly what Yunho did.
“He stared at me” Jaejoong told Yoochun. “And he’d let my eyes meet his. But then he casually looked away, so I never thought too much into it. He didn’t smile at me or anything, as it had been nothing”
“Yeah, but then it kept happening. I was there” Junsu added. “And he stared for too long too”
“He just looked at me… in the eyes” Jaejoong was hiding his face now, arms on the table.
“You’re embarrassing, hyung. If you take notice of those rare moments now when Yunho looks at Jaejoong, you’ll see what I mean. They’re just too obvious”
“That’s why he avoids me all the time” Jaejoong let out somewhat melancholic.
“But if the glances aren’t proof enough, which they are, whenever hyung made a joke, Yunho laughed. But not like the open laugh, or like the other jocks that they laugh and retort making fun of you and your joke”
Not expressively because how could the cool kid agree and like whatever it was that ‘the less popular’ were saying? But most definitely Yunho always had a secret smile to spare for Jaejoong.
“He laughed like he was amused. His lips curved upwards. I could see it from the corner of my eyes” Jaejoong spoke, still hiding.
“That was all confirmation we needed, really. Hyung’s jokes are not funny. I do much better than him don’t I?”
Yoochun chuckled. He was convinced Junsu lived in his own world most times, an ideal bubble where he was actually hilarious and charismatic. But truthfully, the Junsu he got to know so well was twice as cute than the world itself, he was clumsy and caring and just not that witty, in fact awful at that. Jaejoong’s jokes, on the other hand were as good as his big brother’s polish jokes.
“So Yunho looked at you in the eyes and he laughed at your jokes.” Yoochun made clear on their satiating proof. “But didn’t he have a girlfriend back then?” He realized shortly after that he should have said that, some things better left unspoken, but Jaejoong and Junsu just smiled at him.
“He was dating one of the cheerleaders” Jaejoong confirmed.
“Still that barely makes a difference like those men who are married and with kids and then realized all they want is another man in bed” Jaejoong laughed at Junsu's words and pushed him. Yoochun had to agree though, he had thought about it before, so many happy families that seemed to be out there, but one of the spouses might be living a torment every day.
“I was starting to have a hunch you know? Because if we take Yunho out of his football uniform, he’s just like us. No ape jock would be interested in me, like a friend or more”
“Yunho out of his uniform, makes me think we should just skip to the juicy part" And Jaejoong laughed again and pushed his brother. "I’ll tell you about it Chunnie. So, because Yunho is a pansy and wouldn’t-”
“Don’t call him that”
“I forgot the wife is here. Well, I was saying cause Yunho wouldn’t make a move, he’d just stare at hyung until they both grew old, hyung decided he’d take the lead. So one day, they were at the library…”
It was simple, no elaborated plan behind. He’d give Yunho a note, it shouldn’t have anything too compromising inside, after all, he wasn’t 100% certain about Yunho’s feelings, intentions, anything. He might like Jaejoong or he might as well be a psychopath who fantasized about his murder every time he saw him, both options fitted the profile.
Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever.
When was safe ever Jaejoong’s style?
“You invited him to the local Rocky Horror showings?” Yoochun was baffled, even if Jaejoong and Junsu were laughing to tears right now. “Did he go?”
“Not only did he go, but he was at the front row” Changmin joined as he placed his tray on the table and sat besides Jaejoong.
“So he saw you? Like with the panties and hills and fishnet?”
“That was sort of his plan, Chunnie”
“And because Yunho sat so close to the stage and Jaejoong had to honor the name of libidinous Frank -N-Furter, he gave the man a lap dance. OW! What?!”
“I did not! It was not a lap dance. I just…”
“You just sat on his lap, hugged him, touched him all over and shook your booty on his face”
“It was a lapdance, hyung”
Yoochun simply stared, open-mouthed and bewildered, trying very hard to imagine what had happened and Yunho’s face while Jaejoong danced to him in flashy underwear. He saw photographs of the play and he was an adorable Dr. Frank-n-Furter, the overstated make up looked good on his face and if not for the fact that his nipples were out of the corset and there was a bulge in his panties, he’d fool anyone as a stunning young woman.
“The audience went crazy” Junsu remembered, a smile crept onto his lips. “You should have seen Yunho’s face. It was hilarious. He didn’t know what to do. You were so bold, hyung”
“I was playing a character, no other than the most provocative transvestite in the history of alien invasion”
“I think he loved it”
“Thank you, Changminnie”
“So what happened next? You guys talked? What did he say?” Yoochun questioned.
“Well, I looked for him after the show was over, but I couldn’t find him. I thought he left. But then when we were wrapping everything up in the car, there he was in front of the theater. He looked like he wanted to leave, like debating with himself? I wanted to speak to him, but… I sort of froze. Yeah, don’t ask me how that happened.”
“After the lap dance, he suddenly became shy. I think that’s what you call shame” Changmin pointed out and Jaejoong hit him.
“So I talked to Yunho” Junsu told him “I invited him over Minnie’s place cause we were celebrating that the play had been a success and stuff and well he came with us”
“So at the party you finally talked?”
“The thing is Chun, Yunho and I, we never really talked during the first months. That night and the next ones that came, he got drunk, though he was pretending to be a lot drunker than he really was, and well we kissed and… it was like the weight of the whole world left both our shoulders.”
It was a game, it started with Yunho drinking till he dropped and ended with them kissing on the bed. It was hard for Jaejoong, but he liked Yunho’s kisses despite the alcohol breath. They secretly met every weekend for 7 months, every Monday Yunho would say to him: Man, I was so wasted, I don’t remember a thing . That wasn’t so fun, the game was over and now it was Jaejoong’s mission to help Yunho sober up before they did anything. When he was able to reduce the number of beer bottles to none, Yunho still kissed him and…
“That’s all you need to know, no more information to feed your moldy heads”
Despite the other’s loud complains and accusations that he was a tease and that he’d always leave the juicy details out, Jaejoong didn’t say more, ever. It was his and Yunho’s story, locked inside his heart like a treasure he refused to share with others.
Yunho told him he was coming. It was past 12 am and Jaejoong was still waiting, sitting on the bed, in front of the window and hoping to see and hear a tiny rock hit the crystal. Yunho always threw rocks at his window around 11:30. Tonight Jaejoong was starting to believe the worst.
“Nobody can know about this” Yunho told him the first time he was completely sober and not in a party and willingly looked for Jaejoong and climbed up to his bedroom.
He stopped saying that, Jaejoong was happy it wasn’t his greeting anymore. Now Yunho said hey or hi and pecked his lips. It looked almost right, like Yunho wasn’t thinking anymore about the abnormal things they were going to do, but just seemed happy he was there and that they were together.
But if one day he stopped coming and he stopped looking for him and finally tried to repress who he was and who he liked and pushed him away completely from his life? Jaejoong always wondered about it when he waited for Yunho. Tonight he was late and Jaejoong was rubbing his hands nervously.
Pst. Pst
He took a breath of relief and looked out the window, Yunho was rubbing their poodle’s belly. Hiro loved Yunho. His father got the fluffy ‘guardian dog’ when his mom didn’t stop complaining about those damn cats that messed with her flowers at night. Weirdly, those cats never got in the yard, just the arrangements she put right under Jaejoong’s window. Well, Yunho had to hold up to something.
He gave Yunho a hand and helped him inside the room. “I thought you wouldn’t come”
“It was my dad, he fell asleep on the couch. I had to get out from my bedroom’s window”
“You jumped from the second floor?”
“I climbed down and jumped from the first roof. It’s all right. I fell on my butt” He rubbed his behind.
Jaejoong felt a pang inside his chest, but he still grinned. His heart was racing crazy ever since he saw Yunho and having him in front, he couldn’t take his eyes of him.
Yunho smiled back and hugged him. These hugs Jaejoong couldn’t get enough, if his friends really knew how shy and silly he became in the other’s arms, they’d tease them both to social suicide. He looked for Yunho’s lips before he could even imagine it, he just wanted to enjoy feeling the other boy so close.
“Your parents aren't home right?”
“Just my mom, but it’s all right. This house is too big”
Yunho didn’t argue or maybe it was Jaejoong’s kisses what made him shut up. They were soon on the bed and Jaejoong naked, working on Yunho’s boxers. Yunho was on top and Jaejoong had his legs spread on either side of his body. It wasn’t quiet inside the room, but from the other side of the hall, not a soul could be heard. It was really a big house.
Jaejoong realized that this was the side of Yunho he liked the most. The team’s leather jacket made him look dreamy, but the Yunho that was naked in his arms was the real Yunho and was his. They hadn’t really gone as far as penetration to be claiming to be each other’s like most couples do after sex, they just fooled around, like touching and like right now rubbing against each other.
Jaejoong was shaking because he was about to see the fireworks. Yunho didn’t mind that he came on his stomach, he said he liked it.
“Yunho. I … I can’t hold-”
Yunho kissed him. “Wait” He whispered to his ear and stalled their movements. Jaejoong squirmed, he was so close that if Yunho kissed his earlobe or suck his tongue like he did sometimes, he’d spill right there.
“What’s… wrong?”
Yunho stared at him. He did it for a while. His eyes were different, like if there was implausible doubt in them. Jaejoong could still feel his member, hard, against his own. Tonight should be like any other night together, but then why…?
Jaejoong suddenly got scared, he hugged Yunho and Yunho rested his head on his shoulder. Shortly after, Jaejoong felt a warm drop stream down his back to his butt.
“It’s all right Yunho, just pretend you passed out … Let me take care of it” Let me love you. I love you. That’s all he wanted to tell him, but held back. He didn’t know if Yunho will shun him if he ever let his heart out for him, because this was only a game right? Both knew well it wasn’t. So he gave Yunho a kiss on his head while his hand traveled down his hips and he pumped him.
Unable to comfort him with his feelings, Jaejoong used his body. Yunho was moaning against his ear, even called his name twice, that made Jaejoong feel important to him. Yunho could push him and slap his hand away any minute, but he had never before.
Tonight, he did and Jaejoong’s heart shrunk.
Eventually Yunho pulled him back to his arms and started kissing him, but Jaejoong was also crying.
“…I want to make love to you”
It was the way Yunho said it, as if an apology to have offended or have killed, with genuine remorse. There were tears in his eyes. But he didn’t call it ‘sex’ or ‘fuck’ as an every other day thing. It was more than that, it was love and he was sorry for love.
That made Jaejoong’s heart break, good old fashioned lover boy was gay and he was in pain. Should they write love letters to each other and have a platonic relationship, would that be better? Would that heal Yunho? Jaejoong didn't think so, that was just sad for them because it wasn't distance or time what stood in between, it was people. People who didn't appreaciate love that didn't fit certain rules. Love was love and it was beautiful regardless.
Knowing Yunho felt love for him gave Jaejoong courage. He was ready to have his first time with the boy who was scared and took cheerleaders to the dances instead of him.
He wiped his own tears and wiped Yunho’s. “You can make love to me all night”
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