Spiders in my sleep -Part 6.b-
Title: Spiders in my sleep
Pairings: YunJae
Length: 6b/8
Overall Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Inspired by 'Papa to Kiss in the Dark'. Incest. No inhibitions. Read at your own risk
Genre: AU, Romance, Fluff,
Summary: Everyone is blessed with one special thing. For Jung Jaejoong, it was his father and he needed no more. His father who was his world and he loved deeply, taut filial ties had no favoritism over right and wrong.
Christmas Eve arrived and the atmosphere in grannie’s house was cozier than in the years before. Nobody would be able to tell the bizarre dynamics that hid under the surface, right under those ugly wool sweaters that grannie got us from the mold-smelling closet. I got the red sweater with the creepy elf, papa got the brown sweater with the sleigh and Seunghyun got the mossy green sweater with the smiling deer. We looked lame, but we were smiling. I was smiling, very comfortable with my boyfriend and my dad, my current lover and my ex-lover.
Merry Christmas in Hell to me.
My duty that night was to keep the wines of high alcohol content out of sight and constantly check on the eggnog to dilute the little liquor it already had. I wasn’t taking any chances, if I got drunk or papa got drunk or even Seunghyun got drunk, let the devil play Russian roulette with my dirty conscience.
While everybody was happily chatting, laughing and drinking my eggnog like it was water in the dessert, I kept on pouring the sweet cream, adding a third carton into the mix.
“Are you the bartender tonight?” Seunghyun brought me back from my musings.
“Sure! I’m enjoying myself. Are you enjoying yourself?”
“Why aren’t you drinking?” He looked at me as if I had a second head above my shoulders. “You’re my favorite alcoholic in the world”
The perks of having your heartbroken and being raised in South Korea, I’m best friends with the booze.
“You’re so cute, Seunghyunnie. Bu I don’t think it’s a good idea”
“Let’s dance then! Cheer up!”
I couldn’t imagine myself dancing either. Yunho never knew the wild Jaejoongie who grinds and thrusts to the rhythm of the boogie.
However I wasn’t going to let him drain my party spirit, so I replied that I would dance, but later on the night. It was still too early to release the beast.
Seunghyun laughed hysterically at my answer and took grannie to the dance floor instead.
I wanted to frame that moment. Grannie loves Seunghyunnie. We do look like the perfect family tonight and, except for the fact that up till this day I’ve been avoiding papa for all sort of twisted reasons, I’d say we were.
I hid and ran away whenever I was alone with him. I know, I shouldn’t be playing a foolish game like that at my age, but I freaked out. Either way, papa doesn’t get subtleties very well and for every time he caught me running in his opposite direction, he chased me.
Grandma said we really were children, running around the farm, she didn’t know I was really running from him. What if I let my inhibitions crumble with any proximity between us? If I succumb to temptation, and what if my perverted, irresponsible father just lets me?
If that wasn’t enough to worry for the rest of my life, Yunho gave me that dreadful ultimatum, which I made the huge mistake to take lightly. But once I was sober from my lust, I feared the repercussions. He told me he wasn’t playing and I have known the man my whole life, he meant it. I am to break up with Seunghyun if I consent any dangerous liaison between us.
What a fraud! If he doesn’t want to touch me, that is fine, I can live with that. But that doesn’t give him the right to tease me and then pretend he cares about Seunghyun to wash his hands. Was he trying to make me feel guilty? Well, my guilt is his fault.
He’s a walking contradiction. If I could just punch him every time he contradicts himself.
“Where is Yunho?”
So much fantasizing of smacking a fist to Yunho’s face and where was he by the way? I wasn’t hearing his voice anymore.
“I’m here~” Just in time to answer my question, the main door closed and I saw him walk through the hall.
“Were you out?” Grannie asked.
Was is that on his hand? Is that…?
“I couldn’t find a decent wine in the vault and the eggnog tastes like milk. I went to get us some drinks! Premium Bourbon!”
Bourbon?!
Fucking alcoholic!
Papa taught me that good presents weren’t big or expensive, they were personal. To put some thought and meaning into that particular present for that particular person, made it special.
For grannie I got her a brand new paddy hat with a flowery print and her name on it, I knew she would love it because it’d give her another excuse to show off among the rest of the grannies at the rice fields. Grannie’s present for me was an apron and I couldn’t be more touched. Grannie always gives socks in Christmas, the most detached present in family history. She got Seunghyun and Yunho 5 pairs each.
For Seunghyun, I found a magnificent wood crafted keychain in the shape of a guitar. I found it at an antique shop. It was very impressive. Seunghyun didn’t give me his present right away, he told me it had to be the last because he was hoping it to be the peak of the night.
Yunho handed me a nicely wrapped square package with a bow. By the size and weight, it had to be a book or a photo album perhaps. Impatiently, I tore the wrapping paper, whatever it was I knew I was going to love it!
“A cook book, that’s nice!” Seunghyun said.
Memories flooded my view. It wasn’t just a cookbook.
“Jaejoongie always got me cookbooks for Christmas” He explained. “The real present was that throughout the year he was going to prepare every single meal for me”
“And he really did it? He cooked this? So many fancy meals” Seunghyun was shocked. I wish Yunho hadn’t told him that, it made me very apologetic to him since I don’t cook that much for him, we go out.
“I got better over the years, it’s not a big deal. The first book was microwave stuff”
“You were 11” Yunho said, making my attempt for an excuse the more futile. “I felt like an abusive father making you cook so much for me, but you really enjoyed it. Jaejoongie likes being abused. That’s why I thought it’d be a waste if he’s not!” He laughed wholeheartedly”
My face turned red. Were we talking about cooking? “I’m just good at following recipes”
“I want you to keep doing it. It’s a tradition”
I know Yunho didn’t mean himself, I won’t be cooking meals for him now, but for-
“So Jae is going to cook me all these gourmet dishes? Wow! It is an amazing present!”
Seunghyun was ecstatic, he bowed several times to Yunho. There was a smile on my face that didn’t reach my eyes. I guess I wasn’t happy. No, I felt something different from happiness. The present stirred other feelings in me. That was our tradition after all.
“I guess we can marry now right? I’m good in the kitchen and you’re good in the bedroom”
There was a moment of silence before Seunghyun started laughing awkwardly and asking me how much did I drink.
It was not one of those moments when you don’t know why you said what you said. I realized shortly after I spoke that I was pissed. Grannie seemed unfazed. The thing with my grandmother is that she has seen humanity change so drastically throughout her entire life with civil right revolutions and scientific knowledge to the point where it is right now, that her response is no longer surprise. I remember her answer when I told her I liked boys.
You do? I do too, Jaejoongie. We have something else in common.
But I had been plain rude just now and I wasn’t the only one who thought so. In that half second that I wished I could take my words back and just before I stole a glance at Yunho, the one who I was trying to upset in the first place, I felt a grip on my arm.
Brat he said. Yunho pulled me to his side and trapped me in a headlock.
“Why are you being rude in front of your grandma? Apologize”
I have a weakness for him maneuvering like a ragdoll and he was tickling me. I melted like chocolate in the sun.
“I’m so-sorry grannie. I didn’t meant to say that. I don’t know Seunghyunnie in the bedroom”
Papa gave me a kiss on the head and let me go. Then he spanked my butt while I crawled back besides Seunghyun, who was red as tomato. I was feeling chirpier after that and the round of gifts continued smoothly.
Seunghyun gave grannie a new pair of gardening gloves, which had a flowery print to match with the paddy hat. She was in such high spirits, we agreed to keep on doing couple items for her in future Christmases.
Seunghyun got papa a pretty good wine. I knew he was doing it for me, to leave a good impression on Yunho. Yunho knew that as well, but faked surprise like a pro.
Then it was my turn, my gift to Yunho. It had such a weird shape, everybody was wondering what it was. I got my camera ready while Yunho tore the wrapping paper.
He saw a cute elephant’s head with a long trunk, he might have thought it was a knitted plushie, but then he picked it up and there it was.
He seemed confused and I burst out laughing. Seunghyun’s jaw fell to the floor at first, but once he recovered mobility, he was laughing to tears along with us.
“Oh… elephant p-panties”
What was I thinking? A g-string elephantly customized. What a ridiculous present, but I had so much fun picturing him wearing it. I pictured him with his immaculate shirt, his tie, his blazer and that thong, ready to go to work. I pictured him wearing an apron with nothing under but that thong. It was so cute, Yunho would look so cute.
He might not agree much though, he was very flustered. It was one of the few times I saw him flustered. The first time was when I found him in bed with my kindergarten teacher.
“Yunho you find a girlfriend now” Grannie said.
“Oh, it seems so. Is this why Jaejoongie got this for me? I should be on the search of a nice lady who fancies elephants”
That’s how you ruin a perfect moment. “No, no. This is for you, you entertain yourself with it, a-lo-ne”
I was getting a little annoyed. I didn’t want him to get any funny ideas with whom to use my present.
“Here” I stopped looking at Yunho and turned besides me. Seunghyun had a box in his hands. It was the last present, his present to me.
As I opened the medium size box and found a jewelry-shop leather box inside, it hit me what it was.
“I had to cause you’re so good guessing presents” He explained the size of the box.
We talked about getting rings for each other before. But I didn’t get Seunghyun a ring. I forgot, I got him a keychain. I opened the little box with actual fear.
Ughh. Just the most amazing ring I’ve ever seen. A rocker ring with our names written with quavers and crotchets.
“I never got you a ring, not for the 100 days or the 500 days. I said they were too cheesy. But when I saw this ring I was very excited to give it to you. Merry Christmas”
My reaction was slow, papa was there and I felt constricted. Yunho reminds me of the things I’ve kept from Seunghyun and make me unworthy of his love.
Plus I forgot to get him a ring~
“Awww look at his eyes” Grannie cooed. There were tears in my eyes. It was overwhelming, not only the beautiful ring, but to be loved so much and yet be unable to appreciate it.
“Are you all right?” Seunghyun asked me.
I nodded. “I love you so much, thank you”
Yunho planned leaving for Seoul two days after Christmas Eve and I had to deny it if I wanted to keep my insanity. The fact that he’d be gone and I wouldn’t see him again who knows in how long…
But I was no longer fighting reality, I only wanted to make the best out of that time we had left. I wanted to hold him and listen to his voice and laughter, record everything about him in my memory for the years to come because I don’t plan to see him. There is a wish he longs for me and I want to fulfill it, papa wants me to have my own family with the person I love. That person is Seunghyun. This, I realized on Christmas Night and I have committed myself, no more hesitation.
I’m pathetic. How many kids fall in love with their dads? Maybe I should google it. Maybe I’m the only one. Maybe I shouldn’t.
“What are you doing?” He laughed at me. “Why are you groaning like you’re in pain?”
“I’m not” I muttered, covering my face. Can’t one turn and toss in one’s beach towel in peace?
We were at the beach just around the village. We decided to bathe in the sun and bathe in the sea for the whole weekend until his departure; papa, Seunghyun and I.
“Does your tummy hurt? You don’t do well with fish so early”
I gave him my back. Stupid Yunho!
“This place is beautiful, reminds me of a summer vacation we had once. We had so much fun. Jaejoongie wasn’t acting like a smelly piece of old cheese then” He told Seunghyun. “He’s really upset when he doesn’t argue back, did you know that Seunghyun?”
“Why are you upset Jaejoong?”
“I’m not! Aish! Yunho is making stuff up cause he’s getting old and senile”
“Very upset”
I turned around with every intention of vaporizing his face with a glare, he annoys me, but when our eyes met, he broke me with his smile and I ended up smiling.
“He’s so mischievous” I whined to my boyfriend, but Seunghyun didn’t really regard me. He looked away.
“I’m going to buy watermelon all right?” He stood up and I watched him go.
I lay on the sand with my arms spread, wanting to embrace the infinite blue sky above me. Is Seunghyun mad at me? Maybe I was imagining things.
“Did you put on sunscreen?”
“Jeju”
“Hmm?”
“Our vacation in Jeju. It was the best. We were in the sea every day, just floating in the water”
“Floating, then eating and then sleeping”
“Floating, then eating and then fucking” I blurted out.
A couple seconds went by before water was sprinkled at my face.
“Where is my sweet, little udon-head?” He asked me. He was standing there with a sand bucket in his hands, except that it wasn’t dry, it had water inside.
“Don’t you dare! Do you want to die?”
“You have the devil inside!!!!” He turned that bucket upside down on my face and ran away.
“YAAAAHH! Come back here! Why did you do that? YAAAH!” I ran after him and jumped him. But he’s taller than me and he easily flipped me over and carried me towards the sea. He threw me like a bag of potatoes. He was laughing, but I fought him relentlessly, even throwing wet sand at him.
“Stop it! Why are you so strong?” I hit him, but he carried me in his arms. Finally, his knees gave in and I was able to take him down. I laughed in bliss, rising my arms in the air, showing my supremacy over Yunho.
“Let me take a picture”
I looked at him.
“You’re breathtaking”
He was staring at me with those sharp hazelnut eyes.
“You take my breath away” He ran his fingers through my messy hair.
I felt that desire take my breathe away and pump blood franticly to my body.
“Let me take a picture so I can keep you with me, like this”
Water was dripping from my hair and streaming down my face, but my lips were dry. The water drops missed my lips because I had to take my time licking my lips and gulping saliva. As I stared at him, feeling his body below me, my lips keep drying up like sponges in the sun. Such an absurd state.
I hit his chest and collapsed over him. “I hate you, don’t say those things”
He squeezed me in his arms with so much love. “Why not? It’s true”
I sighed profoundly, feeling more helpless than just having a hard-on I couldn’t get rid of. There is so much I feel for him, it’s alive and immense inside me, it fills my chest and expands, but I don’t have a escape valve. It is painful.
“You didn’t put on sunscreen, did you?”
“How come you look so young with your hair wet like this?”
Papa placed a soft kiss on my head. He flipped me on my back, his body over me “I’ll protect you from the sun”
I stayed with him, his back receiving the harmful sunlight while my arms dried, sinking in the soft sand. He leaned up and looked at my face.
“I love you Jaejoongie”
There’s a saying that goes that good things in life come in small packages. I guess in small periods of time too. He was leaving me again, so soon.
“I love you too”
~~~~
The day at the airport, I asked him not to send me any more mails, to just wait for mine as well as my calls. That hurt him, I saw the pain in the way he tried to smile and brush it off, agreeing that he will be patient.
It’s for the best. This love triangle can’t last. There are secrets that can’t be kept forever and mine had already scratched the surface.
I saw him exit through the gates and I waved. Seunghyun was beside me and he was holding me by the rim of my jacket, as if he knew I’d run after Yunho any moment. I was thankful he did that.
We got in the car back to grannie’s house. I remembered Yunho’s words, so fresh in my head and so was the sweet tone of his voice. He said that he was proud of me, that when he tried to imagine my life here, he only wished for my happiness and good health, but when he saw me, I almost blind him with my beauty. He said that Seunghyun is good for because I shine by his side. And as long as he makes me happy and loves me with everything he has, he’ll be indebted to him. Tears ran down my face when he said that and they streamed down my cheeks again in the car. I hid them from Yunho before, but I couldn’t hide them anymore.
The last thing he told me was how hard it was going to be to get back on his routine without seeing me, but that my place was here and he accepted that. I started to sob and I hugged myself in the passenger seat. I was so miserable.
Seunghyun called my name, saddened. I felt bad that he had to see me in this state.
“I’m sorry. It’s nothing”
“You know it is something”
“No, I’m just being stupid”
“Jae, we really need to talk”
I wiped my tears and took his hand in mine. “I know. We will”
________________________________________________________________________
A/N: I really laughed doing that ps with the elephant panties. My first thought was to find a hot model wearing the thong and paste Yunho's face there lol. But! The guys I saw were kinda flabby and short D: Not very Yunho-ish. So I just googled the cute elephant g-string and someone in this world actually knitted one!
Pairings: YunJae
Length: 6b/8
Overall Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Inspired by 'Papa to Kiss in the Dark'. Incest. No inhibitions. Read at your own risk
Genre: AU, Romance, Fluff,
Summary: Everyone is blessed with one special thing. For Jung Jaejoong, it was his father and he needed no more. His father who was his world and he loved deeply, taut filial ties had no favoritism over right and wrong.
Christmas Eve arrived and the atmosphere in grannie’s house was cozier than in the years before. Nobody would be able to tell the bizarre dynamics that hid under the surface, right under those ugly wool sweaters that grannie got us from the mold-smelling closet. I got the red sweater with the creepy elf, papa got the brown sweater with the sleigh and Seunghyun got the mossy green sweater with the smiling deer. We looked lame, but we were smiling. I was smiling, very comfortable with my boyfriend and my dad, my current lover and my ex-lover.
Merry Christmas in Hell to me.
My duty that night was to keep the wines of high alcohol content out of sight and constantly check on the eggnog to dilute the little liquor it already had. I wasn’t taking any chances, if I got drunk or papa got drunk or even Seunghyun got drunk, let the devil play Russian roulette with my dirty conscience.
While everybody was happily chatting, laughing and drinking my eggnog like it was water in the dessert, I kept on pouring the sweet cream, adding a third carton into the mix.
“Are you the bartender tonight?” Seunghyun brought me back from my musings.
“Sure! I’m enjoying myself. Are you enjoying yourself?”
“Why aren’t you drinking?” He looked at me as if I had a second head above my shoulders. “You’re my favorite alcoholic in the world”
The perks of having your heartbroken and being raised in South Korea, I’m best friends with the booze.
“You’re so cute, Seunghyunnie. Bu I don’t think it’s a good idea”
“Let’s dance then! Cheer up!”
I couldn’t imagine myself dancing either. Yunho never knew the wild Jaejoongie who grinds and thrusts to the rhythm of the boogie.
However I wasn’t going to let him drain my party spirit, so I replied that I would dance, but later on the night. It was still too early to release the beast.
Seunghyun laughed hysterically at my answer and took grannie to the dance floor instead.
I wanted to frame that moment. Grannie loves Seunghyunnie. We do look like the perfect family tonight and, except for the fact that up till this day I’ve been avoiding papa for all sort of twisted reasons, I’d say we were.
I hid and ran away whenever I was alone with him. I know, I shouldn’t be playing a foolish game like that at my age, but I freaked out. Either way, papa doesn’t get subtleties very well and for every time he caught me running in his opposite direction, he chased me.
Grandma said we really were children, running around the farm, she didn’t know I was really running from him. What if I let my inhibitions crumble with any proximity between us? If I succumb to temptation, and what if my perverted, irresponsible father just lets me?
If that wasn’t enough to worry for the rest of my life, Yunho gave me that dreadful ultimatum, which I made the huge mistake to take lightly. But once I was sober from my lust, I feared the repercussions. He told me he wasn’t playing and I have known the man my whole life, he meant it. I am to break up with Seunghyun if I consent any dangerous liaison between us.
What a fraud! If he doesn’t want to touch me, that is fine, I can live with that. But that doesn’t give him the right to tease me and then pretend he cares about Seunghyun to wash his hands. Was he trying to make me feel guilty? Well, my guilt is his fault.
He’s a walking contradiction. If I could just punch him every time he contradicts himself.
“Where is Yunho?”
So much fantasizing of smacking a fist to Yunho’s face and where was he by the way? I wasn’t hearing his voice anymore.
“I’m here~” Just in time to answer my question, the main door closed and I saw him walk through the hall.
“Were you out?” Grannie asked.
Was is that on his hand? Is that…?
“I couldn’t find a decent wine in the vault and the eggnog tastes like milk. I went to get us some drinks! Premium Bourbon!”
Bourbon?!
Fucking alcoholic!
Papa taught me that good presents weren’t big or expensive, they were personal. To put some thought and meaning into that particular present for that particular person, made it special.
For grannie I got her a brand new paddy hat with a flowery print and her name on it, I knew she would love it because it’d give her another excuse to show off among the rest of the grannies at the rice fields. Grannie’s present for me was an apron and I couldn’t be more touched. Grannie always gives socks in Christmas, the most detached present in family history. She got Seunghyun and Yunho 5 pairs each.
For Seunghyun, I found a magnificent wood crafted keychain in the shape of a guitar. I found it at an antique shop. It was very impressive. Seunghyun didn’t give me his present right away, he told me it had to be the last because he was hoping it to be the peak of the night.
Yunho handed me a nicely wrapped square package with a bow. By the size and weight, it had to be a book or a photo album perhaps. Impatiently, I tore the wrapping paper, whatever it was I knew I was going to love it!
“A cook book, that’s nice!” Seunghyun said.
Memories flooded my view. It wasn’t just a cookbook.
“Jaejoongie always got me cookbooks for Christmas” He explained. “The real present was that throughout the year he was going to prepare every single meal for me”
“And he really did it? He cooked this? So many fancy meals” Seunghyun was shocked. I wish Yunho hadn’t told him that, it made me very apologetic to him since I don’t cook that much for him, we go out.
“I got better over the years, it’s not a big deal. The first book was microwave stuff”
“You were 11” Yunho said, making my attempt for an excuse the more futile. “I felt like an abusive father making you cook so much for me, but you really enjoyed it. Jaejoongie likes being abused. That’s why I thought it’d be a waste if he’s not!” He laughed wholeheartedly”
My face turned red. Were we talking about cooking? “I’m just good at following recipes”
“I want you to keep doing it. It’s a tradition”
I know Yunho didn’t mean himself, I won’t be cooking meals for him now, but for-
“So Jae is going to cook me all these gourmet dishes? Wow! It is an amazing present!”
Seunghyun was ecstatic, he bowed several times to Yunho. There was a smile on my face that didn’t reach my eyes. I guess I wasn’t happy. No, I felt something different from happiness. The present stirred other feelings in me. That was our tradition after all.
“I guess we can marry now right? I’m good in the kitchen and you’re good in the bedroom”
There was a moment of silence before Seunghyun started laughing awkwardly and asking me how much did I drink.
It was not one of those moments when you don’t know why you said what you said. I realized shortly after I spoke that I was pissed. Grannie seemed unfazed. The thing with my grandmother is that she has seen humanity change so drastically throughout her entire life with civil right revolutions and scientific knowledge to the point where it is right now, that her response is no longer surprise. I remember her answer when I told her I liked boys.
You do? I do too, Jaejoongie. We have something else in common.
But I had been plain rude just now and I wasn’t the only one who thought so. In that half second that I wished I could take my words back and just before I stole a glance at Yunho, the one who I was trying to upset in the first place, I felt a grip on my arm.
Brat he said. Yunho pulled me to his side and trapped me in a headlock.
“Why are you being rude in front of your grandma? Apologize”
I have a weakness for him maneuvering like a ragdoll and he was tickling me. I melted like chocolate in the sun.
“I’m so-sorry grannie. I didn’t meant to say that. I don’t know Seunghyunnie in the bedroom”
Papa gave me a kiss on the head and let me go. Then he spanked my butt while I crawled back besides Seunghyun, who was red as tomato. I was feeling chirpier after that and the round of gifts continued smoothly.
Seunghyun gave grannie a new pair of gardening gloves, which had a flowery print to match with the paddy hat. She was in such high spirits, we agreed to keep on doing couple items for her in future Christmases.
Seunghyun got papa a pretty good wine. I knew he was doing it for me, to leave a good impression on Yunho. Yunho knew that as well, but faked surprise like a pro.
Then it was my turn, my gift to Yunho. It had such a weird shape, everybody was wondering what it was. I got my camera ready while Yunho tore the wrapping paper.
He saw a cute elephant’s head with a long trunk, he might have thought it was a knitted plushie, but then he picked it up and there it was.
He seemed confused and I burst out laughing. Seunghyun’s jaw fell to the floor at first, but once he recovered mobility, he was laughing to tears along with us.
“Oh… elephant p-panties”
What was I thinking? A g-string elephantly customized. What a ridiculous present, but I had so much fun picturing him wearing it. I pictured him with his immaculate shirt, his tie, his blazer and that thong, ready to go to work. I pictured him wearing an apron with nothing under but that thong. It was so cute, Yunho would look so cute.
He might not agree much though, he was very flustered. It was one of the few times I saw him flustered. The first time was when I found him in bed with my kindergarten teacher.
“Yunho you find a girlfriend now” Grannie said.
“Oh, it seems so. Is this why Jaejoongie got this for me? I should be on the search of a nice lady who fancies elephants”
That’s how you ruin a perfect moment. “No, no. This is for you, you entertain yourself with it, a-lo-ne”
I was getting a little annoyed. I didn’t want him to get any funny ideas with whom to use my present.
“Here” I stopped looking at Yunho and turned besides me. Seunghyun had a box in his hands. It was the last present, his present to me.
As I opened the medium size box and found a jewelry-shop leather box inside, it hit me what it was.
“I had to cause you’re so good guessing presents” He explained the size of the box.
We talked about getting rings for each other before. But I didn’t get Seunghyun a ring. I forgot, I got him a keychain. I opened the little box with actual fear.
Ughh. Just the most amazing ring I’ve ever seen. A rocker ring with our names written with quavers and crotchets.
“I never got you a ring, not for the 100 days or the 500 days. I said they were too cheesy. But when I saw this ring I was very excited to give it to you. Merry Christmas”
My reaction was slow, papa was there and I felt constricted. Yunho reminds me of the things I’ve kept from Seunghyun and make me unworthy of his love.
Plus I forgot to get him a ring~
“Awww look at his eyes” Grannie cooed. There were tears in my eyes. It was overwhelming, not only the beautiful ring, but to be loved so much and yet be unable to appreciate it.
“Are you all right?” Seunghyun asked me.
I nodded. “I love you so much, thank you”
Yunho planned leaving for Seoul two days after Christmas Eve and I had to deny it if I wanted to keep my insanity. The fact that he’d be gone and I wouldn’t see him again who knows in how long…
But I was no longer fighting reality, I only wanted to make the best out of that time we had left. I wanted to hold him and listen to his voice and laughter, record everything about him in my memory for the years to come because I don’t plan to see him. There is a wish he longs for me and I want to fulfill it, papa wants me to have my own family with the person I love. That person is Seunghyun. This, I realized on Christmas Night and I have committed myself, no more hesitation.
I’m pathetic. How many kids fall in love with their dads? Maybe I should google it. Maybe I’m the only one. Maybe I shouldn’t.
“What are you doing?” He laughed at me. “Why are you groaning like you’re in pain?”
“I’m not” I muttered, covering my face. Can’t one turn and toss in one’s beach towel in peace?
We were at the beach just around the village. We decided to bathe in the sun and bathe in the sea for the whole weekend until his departure; papa, Seunghyun and I.
“Does your tummy hurt? You don’t do well with fish so early”
I gave him my back. Stupid Yunho!
“This place is beautiful, reminds me of a summer vacation we had once. We had so much fun. Jaejoongie wasn’t acting like a smelly piece of old cheese then” He told Seunghyun. “He’s really upset when he doesn’t argue back, did you know that Seunghyun?”
“Why are you upset Jaejoong?”
“I’m not! Aish! Yunho is making stuff up cause he’s getting old and senile”
“Very upset”
I turned around with every intention of vaporizing his face with a glare, he annoys me, but when our eyes met, he broke me with his smile and I ended up smiling.
“He’s so mischievous” I whined to my boyfriend, but Seunghyun didn’t really regard me. He looked away.
“I’m going to buy watermelon all right?” He stood up and I watched him go.
I lay on the sand with my arms spread, wanting to embrace the infinite blue sky above me. Is Seunghyun mad at me? Maybe I was imagining things.
“Did you put on sunscreen?”
“Jeju”
“Hmm?”
“Our vacation in Jeju. It was the best. We were in the sea every day, just floating in the water”
“Floating, then eating and then sleeping”
“Floating, then eating and then fucking” I blurted out.
A couple seconds went by before water was sprinkled at my face.
“Where is my sweet, little udon-head?” He asked me. He was standing there with a sand bucket in his hands, except that it wasn’t dry, it had water inside.
“Don’t you dare! Do you want to die?”
“You have the devil inside!!!!” He turned that bucket upside down on my face and ran away.
“YAAAAHH! Come back here! Why did you do that? YAAAH!” I ran after him and jumped him. But he’s taller than me and he easily flipped me over and carried me towards the sea. He threw me like a bag of potatoes. He was laughing, but I fought him relentlessly, even throwing wet sand at him.
“Stop it! Why are you so strong?” I hit him, but he carried me in his arms. Finally, his knees gave in and I was able to take him down. I laughed in bliss, rising my arms in the air, showing my supremacy over Yunho.
“Let me take a picture”
I looked at him.
“You’re breathtaking”
He was staring at me with those sharp hazelnut eyes.
“You take my breath away” He ran his fingers through my messy hair.
I felt that desire take my breathe away and pump blood franticly to my body.
“Let me take a picture so I can keep you with me, like this”
Water was dripping from my hair and streaming down my face, but my lips were dry. The water drops missed my lips because I had to take my time licking my lips and gulping saliva. As I stared at him, feeling his body below me, my lips keep drying up like sponges in the sun. Such an absurd state.
I hit his chest and collapsed over him. “I hate you, don’t say those things”
He squeezed me in his arms with so much love. “Why not? It’s true”
I sighed profoundly, feeling more helpless than just having a hard-on I couldn’t get rid of. There is so much I feel for him, it’s alive and immense inside me, it fills my chest and expands, but I don’t have a escape valve. It is painful.
“You didn’t put on sunscreen, did you?”
“How come you look so young with your hair wet like this?”
Papa placed a soft kiss on my head. He flipped me on my back, his body over me “I’ll protect you from the sun”
I stayed with him, his back receiving the harmful sunlight while my arms dried, sinking in the soft sand. He leaned up and looked at my face.
“I love you Jaejoongie”
There’s a saying that goes that good things in life come in small packages. I guess in small periods of time too. He was leaving me again, so soon.
“I love you too”
~~~~
The day at the airport, I asked him not to send me any more mails, to just wait for mine as well as my calls. That hurt him, I saw the pain in the way he tried to smile and brush it off, agreeing that he will be patient.
It’s for the best. This love triangle can’t last. There are secrets that can’t be kept forever and mine had already scratched the surface.
I saw him exit through the gates and I waved. Seunghyun was beside me and he was holding me by the rim of my jacket, as if he knew I’d run after Yunho any moment. I was thankful he did that.
We got in the car back to grannie’s house. I remembered Yunho’s words, so fresh in my head and so was the sweet tone of his voice. He said that he was proud of me, that when he tried to imagine my life here, he only wished for my happiness and good health, but when he saw me, I almost blind him with my beauty. He said that Seunghyun is good for because I shine by his side. And as long as he makes me happy and loves me with everything he has, he’ll be indebted to him. Tears ran down my face when he said that and they streamed down my cheeks again in the car. I hid them from Yunho before, but I couldn’t hide them anymore.
The last thing he told me was how hard it was going to be to get back on his routine without seeing me, but that my place was here and he accepted that. I started to sob and I hugged myself in the passenger seat. I was so miserable.
Seunghyun called my name, saddened. I felt bad that he had to see me in this state.
“I’m sorry. It’s nothing”
“You know it is something”
“No, I’m just being stupid”
“Jae, we really need to talk”
I wiped my tears and took his hand in mine. “I know. We will”
________________________________________________________________________
A/N: I really laughed doing that ps with the elephant panties. My first thought was to find a hot model wearing the thong and paste Yunho's face there lol. But! The guys I saw were kinda flabby and short D: Not very Yunho-ish. So I just googled the cute elephant g-string and someone in this world actually knitted one!