Chapter 23. ICU psychosis
Title: A truth without love
Parings: YunJae
Length: 23/32
Overall Rating: PG-13, NC-17 later on
Disclaimer: Nope
Genre: AU, Romance, Fluff, Angst,
Summary: True love will never fade unless it was all a lie. What happens when there’s no love in telling the truth? This is a story about two men who should have been together since the start or should have never met. Two different kinds of love and two different kinds of lives.... They met halfway and committed a crime that damned their lives.
The specialist said it was very common for comatose patients to give little halts and twitches like that.
“It means the patient is responding to stimuli and for someone whose sedation had been diminished to none like his, it is good news”
He then pushed Jaejoong’s eyelid open and shone his bright flashlight right to him. Yunho’s body tensed, couldn’t that be as painful to Jaejoong as it would be to a conscious person, it had to be just as damaging to his eye.
“Oh oh you saw that? His index finger, it raised” The man pulled the bedsheets over Jaejoong's feet to examine his toes, but there seemed not to be a change. “Great response anyway. Excellent prospect that he’ll wake up”
Yunho bit the inside of his lip and looked away before one of those tightly clenched fists of his found the destination it’d be looking for in the man's crooked smile. He felt scammed, robbed to his underwear and sold junk as a brand new car. There were excellent waking up prospects for Jaejoong after dosing him with all sorts of anti-anaesthetics, should that be encouraging? It wasn’t. Yunho had excellent prospects himself of Jaejoong waking up ever since the very first night when he brought Jaejoong in his arms and doctors confirmed that he was breathing and his heart was beating.
He doesn’t have an excellent prospect of waking up, he is waking up. He needed to remind himself, dismiss the stupidity of the other man who he would gladly suggest to change careers for he was an inept. Don’t you know what he has been through because of the stupidity of people like you? Don’t you know that he’s suffering and you are doing nothing to help him?
Yes, doctors who forced that dark cloth upon Jaejoong’s eyes. But he was no longer waiting for their agreement to come back. He was fighting, yet it was painful and Yunho knew because he heard him moan sometimes, quietly, very quietly. How many nights he wished he was deaf and let the torture be a product of his imagination from obstinate little concerns.
Physical pain, yes, a good sign of minimum conscious state. Another doctor told him.
That physical pain Jaejoong was having was not to be attended, not to disrupt the dose of chemicals in the blood flow while the patient was at the brink of waking up and evolving a comatose phase. It was simple knowledge from the most inexperienced nurses to the most skilled doctors. To a relative, not to give analgesics to their loved one to relieve him, it would never make sense.
Yunho didn’t give a reply to the man in white coat, but turned around and walked away, missed the opportunity to laugh at the lost look from the doctor seemingly surprised with the lack of enthusiasm he showed. But Yunho was not any relative, he wasn’t unaware and he wasn’t blindly trusty of everything doctors told him. Yunho knew too much in fact and he should be the one laughing at the doctor’s antics, but not today. Today Yunho didn’t want the sun to shine and he didn’t want smiling people near him much less consent a smile himself, fake or not.
It wasn’t easy thing to do, deceive himself and those around him that everything was all right and he was hopeful and optimistic and not exhausted and dry like cloth upon the sun, that waiting wasn’t heartbreaking and rage wasn’t eating his heart. It required a lot of strength, Yunho had so little left, he was doing inhumane efforts not to scream and trash the hospital room and cry his heart out from desperation and impotence. Every man has a breaking point after all. Every heart reaches a limit of suffering before it hobbles and every mind, as reasonable and sharp as it might be, shrinks amidst unfulfilled hopes and harsh words. There were no exceptions to the rule, not even a man like Yunho. He now found himself wide awake during long nights of silence only interrupted by the beeping of the machines. He didn’t have his goodnight. He might never rest again without it for he was unable to pause his restless thoughts. An oppressive weight on his chest forestalled the air from going in and out of his lungs and he felt like chocking. He didn’t understand why, he was a healthy man.
“I want to hit him, Jaejoongie. I want to smash his face against the wall until he loses all those fake teeth” He confessed squeezing himself closer as to feel Jaejoong's warmth in every part of his body. He took his hand dearly and hid his face which was crumbling. I want to kill him. I want to see him cry and beg. I want nobody to come to help him. I want him to feel alone and desperate because nobody comes. I want him to be terrified .
Just like Yunho felt about loosing Jaejoong.
He sniffed and swallowed the lump in his throat before it went up to his mouth and angry sobs were heard within the four walls. Why was his Jaejoong being punished and why were his hands tied that he couldn’t help him? Why were his eyes closed, why was Jaejoong still asleep? The questions wouldn’t leave him alone. Only time had the answer and time was the culprit, stretching the hours and days allowing Yunho to drive himself to madness.
“I’ll do him my tornado kick you like so much. Should I?” A bitter smile crept to his lips, a memory that made his heart flap and shrink at the same time.
Mochida Yunho, mochida. Woah my boyfriend is so cool. What should I do?
You look like a child. Look at you clapping your hands. Why are you so happy about?
Aigoo, aigoo. Not only he’s handsome, he’s modest. Aigoo, my heart.
You’re crazy. Come here. How are you going to learn something if you just squat like that in the corner.
But I just fell. My leg hurts. I just want to watch you. Do that kick again, just once more. Please?
That was Jaejoong every time Yunho took him to practice hapkido with him. The robes fitted him too loose and he always tripped doing basic warm ups. His Jaejoongie didn’t have much rhythm in his body, he was clumsy and he laughed and laughed every time Yunho flip him like a rag doll and sent him flying in the air.
“Are you all right, Jaejoong? Did I hurt you?”
“Aigoo, why did I stop growing, Yunnie?”
Happiest times of his life, he wouldn’t lie. They really were and yet Yunho was so empty remembering.
"I let my heart get sick, Jaejoong" He ran his fingers through the man's thin hair. "You look like you’re in highschool”
It wasn’t that long ago when doctors shaved his head for a minor surgery. It’ll grow back, they said, but Yunho had been very upset. Jaejoong wouldn’t forgive him if he became bald afterwards. No need for wigs at the end. His beautiful mane of hair was back, healthy and almost below his ears. Yunho just wondered if he should tell him that his head was once naked.
“What are you dreaming? You’re very warm tonight. Are you dreaming of me?”
If he could only conciliate sleep for a little while, blank out for a couple hours, he’d be so grateful, but not even in his subconscious there was a barricade to put reality away and rest. Yunho still made his effort and closed his eyes.
Someone walked inside the room, maybe a nurse. The steps became cautious; he figured it was not to wake him up, but Yunho wasn’t asleep, it couldn’t be called that. His eyes were used to the darkness behind his eyelids and they felt heavy, that was as far as he’d go.
He felt a fuzzy blanket been laid over his shoulders. It wasn’t a nurse then. Only Miri would do that and she was no longer in the hospital, had finished her internship and gone back to classes. He felt soft and small hands comb his hair. It had to be Jaejoong’s mother. That flowery fragrance reminded Yunho of his own mother and how comforting it was. Yunho was able to take a deep breath without feeling the weight on his chest. Slowly, as the woman caressed his head, sleep finally embraced him like a new born.
“Eomonim, he’s asleep?”
“Let’s not wake him up”
Yoochun agreed. “He’s been suffering from insomnia, doctors prescribed him some sleeping pills, but he refuses to take them. He says he can’t be sleeping when Jaejoong wakes up”
“How is he?” Mrs. Jung dared ask. They had told her that Yunho was doing great, that he wasn’t sad or depressed, but sleeping well and eating a lot and working even. They told her that Yunho’s life didn’t stop the moment Jaejoong closed his eyes. And though she was appreciative of the intention behind those lies, she wanted the truth now that she was there in front of her son and able to hold him.
Yoochun paused and wondered what could he say. It had been very difficult for all of them, for himself, for Junsu, for Changmin, for Jaejoong’s family. Waiting for the young man to react, their days were all about stumbling hope that receded to the shadow of time. But for Yunho, he couldn’t begin to measure. Without Jaejoong, life didn’t flow through his veins and arteries, it was something else that fed Yunho’s heart, but it wasn’t life. But he couldn’t tell Mrs. Jung that.
“These last months, it has been difficult eomonim. But Yunho wouldn’t forgive me if I make you worry. I’m here to take care of him”
The woman nodded, grateful indeed that Yoochun never left Yunho's side.
e
For a while she did nothing but stare at the two men on the bed. Pain was too great to allow words and they no longer give consolation, she could only take Yunho’s hand and relish in his touch.
“I didn’t know much about him. I didn’t ask. When Yunho told me about Jaejoong. I didn’t react well. I was very scared for what it meant for my son to love another man” Her semblance was calm. Yoochun recognized it was after too many reproaches on herself and too many tears shed that she was able to talk about it.
“Yunho said he was so grateful to have met him. He said Jaejoong was a gift, a gift he wanted to share with me. But I wasn’t there for them. I was never there”
The old lady was crying and Yoochun had to bit his lips before they trembled and he let out a voice that wasn’t his own.
“No eomonim, Yunho felt indebted to you. He always knew what Mr. Jung would say, but he was the most scared that you wouldn’t accept him. He said you still loved him”
The lady shook her hand, her handkerchief pressed against her mouth as tears overflowed her eyes and rolled down her wrinkled cheeks.
“Jaejoong was very eager to meet you. He was always complementing your clothes and hats” Yoochun let a smile linger on his face. “He said that you were very pretty. He said he didn’t have to wonder where Yunho got his small face from”
Mrs. Jung's eyes brightened. “He wanted to meet me?”
"He wanted to play badminton with you" Yoochun bobbed his head happily. "Yunho told him how good you were and Jaejoong likes badminton"
"I would like that"
“Jaejoong met you once eomonim. It was very long time ago. You lived in the Gwangju Manor. They were little boys and they played together one time in the cotton fields. Mr. Jung nagged Yunho for dirtying his clothes, but Jaejoong said he remembered Yunho’s umma.She asked Yunho if he had had fun and when Yunho said he did, his umma smiled at him. Jaejoong once told me that he was very grateful to you, because if Yunho was so kind, it was because of his mother”
Her hands trembled, her voice didn’t come out clear, deprived from strength. She didn’t want to believe those compassionate words Yoochun was telling her, but the young man held her hand and blowing air through pursued lips to give himself some traction to speak, he told Yunho’s mother how precious she was in her son’s eyes. Yunho was an incredible person and he didn’t recall his childhood as a hardship, his father who educated him and presented him with the discipline he needed in life and his mother who loved him through hugs and kisses, he had nothing to resent them.
“At the beginning, he said he hated Mr. Jung. I know Yunho and he is unable to nurture such feelings for his father. It hurt him too deeply to walk away from you, he was heartbroken. He needed to discharge the pain from Jaejoong’s accident and he blamed himself, but he also wanted to blame the old man because it was too much guilt to take alone and he had to stay strong for Jaejoong and for us. Sometimes when I held him, I only wanted him to cry aloud, have a relief, but he wouldn’t. I just held him tighter. I was scared that he felt he had no one”
These were the words Yunho wanted to say to her mother long time ago, but holding the phone countless times, he let the line die out before he ever let out a sound.
“He loves you very much, he never hated you nor does he hate his father, he just won’t come to you anymore” Yoochun was looking at Jaejoong’s and Yunho’s hand that were intertwined and Mrs. Jung understood. It might not seem the best home, four walls of a hospital room, but it was by Jaejoong’s side.
“He has a new home now. And once Jaejoong opens those ugly eyes of his, they’re going to marry and they’ll live a happy life together. Then I’ll have nieces and nephews and eomonim will have beautiful grandchildren”
And Mrs. Jung couldn’t think of brighter days that those of herself spoiling Yunho and Jaejoong’s children. There was one time when she cradled two beautiful baby boys in her arms and her dream came true, even if it was for little time, her home was filled with children’s laughter, children running around the house with ice cream over their faces, helping her grow valerian herb in the garden, their little muddy hands.
Her tears weren’t so salty anymore, she was trusty of Yoochun’s words and trusty of that future. Unlike the past, the future could be changed and today she was granted the redemption of a mother who wasn’t loathed by her son, but welcomed in his life.
d
When Yunho woke up the next morning, he noticed there was something odd in the room, very odd. He, who had been in permanent residence in the hospital, could easily pinpoint and give detail of the smallest change of fragrance even. And that morning, the air didn’t carry the usual poignant lemon from the disinfectant, but a sweet taste of apples, candy and paint.
There was someone in the room with them, someone who didn’t fit among funeral flowers and breathing machines, someone young and beautiful like them but who was filled with too much life and color to be among the sepia toned walls.
She was sitting in the chair by the window, looking down and holding a handkerchief to her mouth. She had a brown backpack on her lap and a beautiful red rose on top of it. She was the most beautiful woman Yunho laid eyes upon.
The way the light embraced her and illuminated her face and dark long hair, he knew he could never forget. However with his mind all over the place, disparaging to greatest extents, it was easy to mistake nightmares and dreams, and Yunho latched on Jaejoong’s hand, wondering with panic inside his heart, if she was the one who was going to take Jaejoong away from him.
Her name was Jihyun, Jeon Jihyun and she wasn’t an angel of death or an angel of any sort, just an ordinary woman with nothing really ordinary about. She might not be very sane. All that Jeon Jihyun said was that she wasn’t mistaken, that she was where she needed to be, said this was her place to be, the right place, but she came too late. She blabbered vague words which Yunho could make so little sense of. She wasn’t speaking much nor seemed interested and he wanted to help her, but turned to be the one helpless around her.
She took the sit besides Jaejoong and asked Yunho to leave the room because they needed a moment. Yunho felt very apologetic to her, this beautiful woman who seemed so very broken, but he wouldn’t leave his boyfriend.
She asked him once more and another time later on, and he said no. It didn’t seem to discourage her for she didn’t move. Nurses came and went and Jeon Jihyun was rooted to the chair, clasping Jaejoong’s hand, she stayed with him all day. When the clock ticked away 5 in the afternoon and the visitors were asked to leave, she kissed Jaejoong’s forehead and whispered something to his ear. Yunho watched in shock the ease and familiarity of her actions, then she stood up and was dismissed.
He couldn’t get a hold of himself in time for when he looked for the mysterious woman in the hall, she had vanished like a wisp of smoke.
Yunho’s interest was piqued for the first time in quite a while, not understanding why there were so many qualms in his mind regarding the arrival of the beautiful woman.
“Did she tell you who she was, Jaejoongie?”
K
The following days, the bizarre routine continued as the stranger walked into Jaejoong’s room, inconspicuous she occupied the chair next to the bed and sat endless hours with him. Yunho didn’t have the heart to demand answers to his questions, not with the inconsolable demeanor of the young woman, but he couldn’t stand the silence. Jaejoong wasn’t used to it. Yunho always talked to him, he tried to give him comfort and pleasant dreams and thoughts with sweet words and melodies, but she was different. She talked briefly to him, between sobs, muttered words Yunho couldn’t hear and had twice the trouble guessing. The tone of her actions and expressions was melancholic. She looked like tragedy and felt like abandonment and Yunho realized she did fit by their side, in the middle of gloomy days of rain.
May I know how you know Jaejoong? Is Jaejoong a friend of yours? Where are you from? Have you worked with him in the past? Have you eaten? Would you like a cup of coffee? Tea perhaps? Would you like another blanket?
So far Yunho knew her name, her age and that she didn’t like tea or coffee or food.
He offered to pay a cab to her place, but she refused. He asked her if she lived close by, she said she didn’t. He worried that she might not have a home to go to, she said she didn’t need it because this was the place she needed to be. Yunho gave up and simply asked her, if there was something he could do for her, anything.
Would you please leave me alone with him?
I’m not leaving his side, I’m sorry.
Jeon Jihyun might be a stranger, might be insane, might be mistaken and might speak in a funny manner, however whoever she might be, she was broken for the lost of a loved one. Yunho could sense it and though she might be confusing his Jaejoong with that someone, that kind of pain, he was very familiar with.
You have to sow before you can reap, you have to give before you can get, they say.
“My name is Jung Yunho. I’m Jaejoong’s husband. Nice to meet you” He gently offered one morning.
He had been very bold, like he wouldn’t believe, but just like Jaejoong would have liked. That was everything he cared, what Jaejoong would like. The shock in her face seemed eternal and to her lack of words, the woman’s eyes looking from him to Jaejoong and again, Yunho remembered too late that Jaejoong’s blunt speech most normally got them in trouble.
“Are you taking good care of him?” She asked at last.
Yunho smiled at her.
She refused to reveal further details about herself, but asked questions. Boy did she ask questions. Mostly about Jaejoong, she wanted to know his likes, dislikes, his pursuits, his happiness, his sadness and as honest as Yunho replied to her, the more pitiful she looked. Yet, watching the tears rolled down her cheeks one after another like tiny snowflakes, he was very touched. The memories she asked him to share, Yunho held them very close to his heart and it was a nice treat to his guilty self to reminiscence about the man he learned to love like life. Not their last times where he failed Jaejoong, but about his lover’s childhood, growing up years, about his quirky personality, his many talents, his kindness and his zest for love, life, art and animals.
She continued to cry as Yunho spoke, silently. And not in a wicked way, he enjoyed watching her cry because it was relieving. She might be crying for a completely different reason than the one he’d cry for Jaejoong, but he could no longer offer his tears, not as pure and delicate as hers. His were poisoned. The pain kept him numb while anger continued to build up inside him, like a disease that would bust his heart sooner or later.
She was also the second person, apart from Jaejoong, who cried beautifully.
“Do you tell him that you love him?”
“Every day”
“Did you do so in the past?”
“I told him I loved him every morning when I woke up. I told him I loved him when he called me at work. I told him I loved him before going to sleep every night. I repeated it so he would never forget. Do you know I love you? I asked him” And Yunho’s lips softly curved upwards, he was seeing the sweet victory face Jaejoong used to give him. “Yes, he told me”
“What do you love about him?”
“Aren’t you hungry, Jihyun-ssi? You haven’t eaten anything all day”
She shook her head and stared at him, expecting the answer. She was stubborn like Jaejoong.
Everything and Yunho could spend the rest of the afternoon describing that everything about Jaejoong that meant everything to him, but his body was drained, he was tired. So he told her the beginning of everything.
“His eyes. I fell for his eyes immediately. Jaejoong is very gifted, he’s able to see value in everything. I can't always do that. He became my eyes. But he’s blind when it comes to himself"
I miss looking at his eyes so much..
"The small things captured my heart. Little by little he took everything from me. I can't describe myself anymore without him. I'm no longer sure if that's healthy in a relationship. Once I told him and he said it should only be important what is healthy for my heart and if it got sick and needed medicine, to tell him and he'd give me more love”
And Yunho blushed and he started laughing, he hadn't laughed in so long. "He said such silly things, how embarrasing"
"...But it was the big things we sometimes argued about. He always spoke so truthfully to me and he would scare me to sleepless nights, but when that happened, he didn’t go to bed himself. He stayed with me and he told me that regardless of the truth or the lies or the people around us, it didn’t matter what I chose, because he wouldn’t leave my side... And yet he let me bellieve I was the strong one, this man. He asked so eagerly for me and my attention, but it was he who protected me. I am the one who needs him. I always believed myself to be the strong one in the relationship, but now I know it was because I had him holding me steady”
"You have to tell him that"
"Yes, I will"
The fourth day, the woman didn’t disappear in the horizon in time with the sunset. She stayed in the hospital. Conversations with Yunho were never-ending, but eventually she calmed down the zeal of her curiosity and appreciated the little details from too many sweet memories, all collected behind sparkly eyes. Yunho said their time had been short and they should have met ages earlier; however the amount of happiness they had together she knew it could last a lifetime to another. Yunho was greedy.
The nurse who came every night at 7 o clock to gather the last late visitors knocked on their door and Yunho was ready to be left alone with his lover and tell him that he was no longer annoyed by the crazy girl. However when Jeon Jihyun stood up she didn’t walked out of the room, she showed the nurse a card which certified her as a permanent visitor and walked back to them.
It did bother Yunho, more than the whole ordeal of the last few days, but she could stay, what else could he say? Yunho didn’t own the hospital. However he did own Jaejoong and the moment Jeon Jihyun requested him that extra blanket and rested her head on the side of Jaejoong’s pillow, lying beside him, he realized she had just stolen Jaejoong from him, for the night. They wouldn’t sleep together and Jaejoong would not have his strong arms to protect him from the cold and the doubt of being left alone.The nerve of this woman.
Yunho was offended, not because she took a place reserved for him -only him- but because she continued to claim some sort of demented possession over Jaejoong without any explanation.
As the hours went by and his lips grew tired of childish pouting, he resigned over the warmth of the beautiful man and accommodated his pillow on the couch. Sleep was elusive like most nights and when it wasn’t, indecent then. Tonight he didn’t mind because the view was different.
Two angels shared a pillow, both had silky dark hair, milky skin, pleasantly plump limps.
She looked much better by Jaejoong’s side than he would ever. His heart didn’t resent her for that because he was looking at a miracle and he finally realized.
He walked to them and pulled the blankets on both. He kissed Jaejoong’s forehead. “I know who she is, baby. You were right, she is very beautiful. You need to wake up and take her picture all right?”
And he exited the room and closed the door behind. He owed her time, a lot more than the moment she asked.
K
I’ve lived in Japan ever since I have memory. My father and my mother are Korean so were my grandpa and my grandma, but we have our life in Osaka. My dad used to say that life in the countryside is beautiful and simple. And people from Osaka are the most similar to Koreans; any Korean would feel at home there.
Have you been to Japan’s countryside? If you had been to Osaka, I think we would have met.
I came to Korea with my father once when I was little. He showed me Miryang, that’s his hometown. That’s where my accent comes from, my dad’s accent. It’s similar to Busan’s accent, I’ve heard, but it’s not Busan’s, it’s Miryang’s.
My appa wanted to show me every single corner of the country. He used to tell me that my blood is Korean and I’d be a lousy descendant if I didn’t know the land of my ancestors. But we couldn’t travel like he promised me. His kidneys weren’t healthy. My mother never told me what he had, but I knew. People lose their hair when they have cancer.
I’m still trying to get used to Seoul. There’s so much light. I can’t sleep sometimes. Yunho-ssi doesn’t sleep much either. He makes me company and we talk about you. I’m really glad I got to know him because he talks to me about you.
He says we’re the same. That we have the same eyes and the same smile, but I don’t think he’s much of an observer. My eyes are smaller than yours and the little dot below your left eye, I have it my nose; and our birthmark, I have it at the other side of the neck.
Today I heard Yunho-ssi’s accent. It comes out when he’s tired. He laughs at my accent so I laughed at his. He told me you have an accent as well. It’s rude, he says. I can’t wait to hear it. My dad wouldn’t curse in front of me, no matter the language.
At home, everyone knows me as Chiyo. My dad was the only one who called me Jihyun. Yunho calls me Jihyun-ah now. He says I can call him oppa. I won’t since I’m two days older. I just call him Yunho-ssi. He doesn’t like it.
He says that once you’re good, he’ll take us to Jeju and we can go scuba diving because he has some diver friends. Do you like scuba diving?
Yunho-ssi is very kind. He brings flowers to the nurses and today he bought me a bouquet as well. He also brought them pastries. He brought a special one for me. He said I had to love it because you love it. Caramel pecan pie. I thought I was going to puke. Pecans gave me a rough time when I was little. My face used to bloat like a balloon. I told him I was once allergic and so we talked about your allergies. Yunho-ssi says you have a strong stomach now. ‘He eats spicy food like he’s the devil’. I can’t handle spicy food, how come? My stomach gets easily upset.
He told me about your asthma. I don’t have asthma. I had to walk a long way among crops to go to school every day. It would have been so hard if my airways were swollen. Yunho-ssi says you couldn’t even play many sports. I was in the swimming team.
Yunho-ssi told me a secret today. He says I am the reason why you became a photographer. He told me not to tell you, because that was your confession, but I guess he was worried that I wouldn’t be appreciative of your photographs. He doesn’t know that I will because I’m also an artist. I paint. I’m a street painter. I had been for the years I’ve come here to look for you.
I can’t believe you grew up with so many sisters. Your family is so big. I feel like I won’t make much a difference around you. My family is just my older brother and my mom and well four dogs, two cats and a goat named Daisy.
Your sisters are very loving. I wanted to meet your umma but she couldn’t come, they said she will this weekend. When they asked who I was, Yunho-ssi told them that I was a very good friend from Japan. He didn’t have to cover up for me, but he did. He says that like you, I don’t look like a good liar. He understands that I want to wait for you to speak up. He’s very nice. Do you know what else he told your sisters? He told them that I was an important model in Osaka. Sooyoung-ssi or was it Sukjin-ssi? She said: Oh, no wonder why you look so familiar and we both laughed.
Yunho-ssi told me another secret today. He said you have two left feet. But I told him that couldn’t be and I promised him I’ll teach you to dance because your sister is a very good dancer.
d
She took a deep breath that seemed to empty her lungs, as well most of her strength must have gone with the stream of air, because suddenly she wasn't standing straight, but her figure was tired and frail.
"Do you know who I am?” She asked and took Jaejoong’s hand in hers. “I’m not a stranger. I'm not a crazy woman. I'm not stalker or a pervert that I’ve been holding your hand like this every day. I have every right to love you and express my love. I didn’t have a chance to do that for more than 20 years and now that I do, I won't hold back. I promised to my appa’s grave, that I would stay with you and make up for the lost time"
Part B
_______________________________________________________________________________________
A/N: I've been dreading to finish this part for over two months. I don't think I'll write again once this fic is over. I'll just read. This is just the head, it's missing its body, but it won't take as long. I'm a superstitious person so I won't let it linger.