Spiders in my sleep -Part 8-
Title: Spiders in my sleep
Pairings: YunJae
Length: 8a/8
Overall Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Inspired by 'Papa to Kiss in the Dark'. Incest. Not inhibitions. Read at your own risk
Genre: AU, Romance, Fluff,
Summary: Everyone is blessed with one special thing. For Jung Jaejoong, it was his father and he needed no more. His father who was his world and he loved deeply, taut filial ties had no favoritism over right and wrong.
“Jaejoong? …Am I dreaming?” His eyes fluttered confusedly. His breath carried the strong, but sweet taste of the fermented liquor. I felt a pang in my chest. It was too familiar. How many nights I spent filling my cup as it was my devoid self? Are you hurting so bad, you need to numb the pain?
“No Yunnie, I’m here. I’m here to stay with you. I love you.” I told him while I kissed his forehead, believing my late words could be a bit of remedy to the time I wasted. He smiled at me, closing his eyes slowly.
“I am dreaming such a sweet dream. I’m so happy”
I let myself rest on his chest, but he dragged me closer and forcefully from the collar of my shirt. “Come here you. How am I supposed to taste you if you’re so far away?”
I felt his lips against mine, moistening mine so sensually. My eyes which had widened in shock, surrendered and closed. My pupils rolled to the back of my head as he stimulated me with a passionate tongue that traced the shape of my mouth, deliriously. He fed on me and I fed on the need he had for me. I knew what he so fervently wanted and the love and lust I had inside and exerted myself in overpowering, was released like an unchained wild beast.
I kissed him, filling my hands with his hair. The taste was a mixture of liquor and Yunho, the two drugs that nurtured my senses, my soul and my sex thorough my life.
I tilted my chin and opened my mouth, wider; to kiss more, bite more. I could feel my jaw tense as I battled his tongue, his zealous warrior to subdue the loneliness he bore these years we were apart. He bit my neck and licked the curve of my collarbone, making me squirm and whimper. I pushed my head back completely, letting him know he could do with me as he wished.
His hands crept under the rim of my sweater, leaving tingling little burns behind. But I didn’t want him to stroke so delicately, I wanted him to squeeze, bite and nibble my skin, bruised me, because I craved the collapse of my sanity by his touch. He hugged me more than he did anything else, more than he kissed me and more than he loved me. He could hold me, tight, for hours, it seemed and then maybe he’d remembered he was in the middle of undressing me. He treated me as if I was made of glass, even if he was so aroused himself. I could feel his manhood stirring, yelling my name, despite Yunho’s actions. It all made me feel woozy and horny.at the same time.
However, there was a limit of teasing my body could allow, especially after being deprived of him for so many years. And able to read my begging mewls and tremors, he grabbed the sides of my waist toughly and guided me to roll my hips against him, his steel hardness flattening the shape of my butt and meeting my own erection. A gruff moan escaped the tip of my tongue.
“Good boy” He whispered against my ear. He trailed wet, butterfly kisses to my neck and my nape. I winced when he took my dark, pointy numbs in his fingers and massaged them. Looking me, writhing to the rhythm of his rubs, he placed an open-mouthed kiss on each one of my nipples. Cold shivers rippled along my spine and rocked me harder below the small of my back. I disposed the last trail of reason in my head when he sucked my nipples, I couldn’t think, I only wanted to feel, feel him. So I pinned him against the side of the couch, pressing kisses on his chest all the way from his nipples to his arms and to his stomach. I bit and licked, fascinated by the way he reacted to me.
“Why are you so beautiful?” He growled, cupping my head with gentle hands. Nothing but lust and sex mirrored through his dark, sharp eyes and his delectable erection, which twitched under the fabric of his sweatpants, teased me into calling his name once more. I pressed my stomach against it, the painfully hard head of my own member rubbing madly against his leg.
Our lips collided into another kiss of lewd tongue and excessive saliva; savoring the honey his mouth provided me, I craved the one from his penis and I didn’t vacillate to hook my fingers in the waistband of his pants and pull them down. I had waited enough, there was no turning back and my own mouth watered in anticipation.
What greeted me when I freed him from his clothes, dumbfounded me; absurd, erotic as well as the cutest thing I had seen in my life, Yunho was wearing my fatuous Christmas present, the blue elephant crocheted thong.
Right away, it occurred to me that I might be the one dreaming. I might still be up in the sky, in my airplane sit, boldly enjoying another vulgar wet dream. Was I drooling? Was I moaning his name and rubbing myself against the passenger besides me?
I looked around and I turned on the nearest lamp to quickly check on my lucidity. As I had vanished from the room and he didn’t expect any different, Yunho curled himself in the sofa and called my name, his hand in between his legs.
I couldn’t resist him. Fuck it. Dream or not, the day when I gather enough willpower to fight the sight of Yunho moaning my name while he gratifies himself has yet to come. I smacked his hand and used mine instead. He looked at me and forced a laugh past his lips, hushed only by my hungry kiss.
His precum coated my frantic hand and he pulled away, took my hand in his. “Give me!” I complained, hitting his hand to release mine, I licked my fingers.
“Like a child fighting me over ice cream” He laughed and I laughed with him. I landed a soft kiss on his forehead, then on his eyelids. I love this man with everything I have.
My denims felt iron-made against my skin by now so I stripped him of the rest of his clothes. Very soon, we were both naked. The warmth of his body holding mine was what I remembered, addictive and homely. I felt sorry for myself all these years when I hoped I could find a substitute for it.
His thumb traced my lips and I welcomed it inside my mouth, sucked it slow, but keenly. He lift me up with ease, his hands pressing against the jutting bones of my hips. He positioned me over his length and impaled himself inside me.
I cried out and I fought him, kicking away, but he held me softly and nuzzled his chin against my bare chest.
“Shhh” He soothed me, pulling me into a tighter embrace. “Please don’t fight me”
I bit my lip and tried to find comfort in the firm grip his strong arms provided me. I dug my nails in his shoulders blades while I lost myself in tears. I sobbed against his ear, my entire body throbbing from the callous penetration. And then he thrust. My back bent as he plunged deep inside me.
“It hurts” I pushed the words against his neck, nibbling on his skin. “It has never hurt so much, papa”
He looked at me, but I saw daze in his eyes. He really thinks he’s dreaming. “Jaejoongie?” He wiped the icing water drops from my forehead.
Pabo. This is NOT a dream. I couldn’t help to smile thinking that he dreams about me and he does this to me. “Don’t stop. I’m fine. It’s all right. Move. Nnnng. Move. Fuck me Yunho. Fuck me”
His hips picked up a tantalizing rhythm, steered by his great appetite of me and echoed in the slaps of his heated body against mine. His groans, guttural and despairing, nurtured my urge and pushed me to my own fall. My body began to dance with his and I pushed my hips, meeting his thrusts, the pain finally surrendering to abrupt shocks of pleasure.
“Kiss me. Kiss me” I begged knowing I’d come faster than him. When I kiss him, he grants me power, I turn him into a puddle of goo.
Like lightening the huge orgasm hit me hard and rocked me in tragic tremors. I blacked out for a couple seconds after I climaxed, tortured in between the ache and the blissful stimulation. I wasn’t breathing, it don’t think so, my lungs wrinkled, but if I was going to die, it’d be laughing.
He let his body rest on top of mine, his warmth embracing mine while my channel milked the last drop inside of him. I combed the chunk of hair that filled my hands.
He looked up at me and placed a soft kiss on the tip of my nose. After each long kiss, he gives me a gentle one on the tip of my nose.
“I’m sorry, agi” He said. “But I miss you so much”
Silly, I’ll be here in the morning
With the glare of the moon upon our nudity, we cocooned each other to sleep. I heard his voice calling my name so sweetly; and I heard my little-self laugh and squeal. My childhood years kept on playing in the background.
Jaejoongie:
Papa had to go to work. I have a meeting today. Call me if you need anything. I’ll be back before dinner time and we will talk. I’m sorry, but the fridge is empty. I left you money on the counter.
Love,
PapaPS.: There are clothes in the dryer, please take them out.
PPS. You almost gave me a heart attack this morning!
I lay there, wrapped in the fresh, white sheets and reread the note he attached to my forehead. I wonder if Yunho lives in denial. He sounds so detached. No PPPS. Last night was amazing or PPPS. Thanks for that amazing helping of yourself last night that I was so horny hungry.
I smiled with his last lines though, I wished I could have seen his face when he saw there was a naked body entangled with his. I wonder how long it took him to realize it was me. Maybe he thought it was a woman he brought home and didn’t remember.
How often does he brings women here? Has he ever bring a man?
I wasn’t up for depression so early in the morning. Well, I thought it was early, but the clock in the kitchen corrected me, it was almost noon. I had slept over 10 hours, no wonder my stomach was roaring like a fierce lion. Yunho really worked me off last night.
Miduhyo. Chonnune banhandanun marur miduhyo.
I started singing. Before I let myself go in the depths of the sexy and concupiscent. Sudden flashbacks brought goosebumbs to my skin and obstinate tingle in my manhood I did not want to attend with an empty stomach.
I finally noticed the carton of strawberry milk and a banana in the coffee table and much to my imbecility, I leaped out to take it. My legs gave up before I had taken any impulse and I landed on my knees.
“AGHHHH!!!”
My back was killing me, there had to be a blade in my butt, piercing it in half.
He really let himself go last night, didn’t he?
Oh my gentle giant, despite his size he is a softie, but last night he was the horny, stupid giant! He didn’t put any lube on me while he stuck his proud, enormous love inside.
I don’t remember this amount of wreckage in my body before. The meaning of the phrase how adults do it, I thought I learned it very early in my life. Not because, back then, I was inexperienced and Yunho experienced, but because I knew kids were not supposed to feel what I did; kids don’t make love, they may have sex, but they don’t make love. That’s for adults, and for Yunho and me only. Now that I’m 23 years old and I’ve become an adult, I know that making love is not how adults do it. I haven’t made love with anyone but Yunho. Making love is how two people who only have eyes for each other express it.
That’s why I’m happy in spite of the sore butt. Even if I may be unable to walk and crawl like a little zombie sloth, we made love last night, so very wonderfully.
I decided on starvation with my milk and banana instead of excruciating pain. The counter with my lunch money seemed an ocean way.
“Jaejoongie, do you like your present?”
I remember that birthday. I was 13. I went through the home videos he was watching before. For my 13th birthday, Yunho got me a giant Hello Kitty plushie twice my size. I could sleep on that thing.
I hesitated to answer and he laughed. I loved my present, really, but my friends were looking at me and they were snickering. If only I had known they would tease me about it for years to come.
He’d always find something cute. I think I’d have stopped liking Hello Kitty by now if it didn’t remind me of him.
I continued to play our videos and found very compromising and very embarrassing images of myself. I can’t believe that I walked around the house only in my briefs all the time. It was fine when I was a kid, but thinking it through, I stopped stepping out of the bathroom naked until I was almost 17. Papa always said it was cute. Well, of course he’d say that, perverted old man.
“Papa! Say hello!”
“Baby what are you doing? Papa doesn’t want to be filmed”
“Papa you look hot with your tie undone. Say hello!”
“Aigoo, hello. This is Jung Yunho. Nice to meet you.”
“Papa does everything I told him to do…Oh, look at him. He’s angry now. Look how handsome he looks when he frowns. Told you he was handsome. You’re in love with him aren’t you?”
“Are you doing another reality?”
“This one is called: Dear Papa and it’s about how much I dislike you… I’m telling my viewers how annoying you are, how bad you snore at night and that your breath is stinky in the morning and that you’re the cheesiest man alive and you kick me in bed…”
My eyes stung, it seemed like yesterday when I filmed that. It was the happiest time of my life. You could see it in my eyes, you could also see how madly in love I was. There was this invincible grin on my face when he talked to me or when I called his name.
It was almost too embarrassing, but it was even more painful. By the end of that year, I was crying my eyes and my lungs and my love out, sitting on plane headed for Tokyo. He really torn my chubby, innocent heart into a thousand ribbons and he was aware of it. I sobbed in my palms. He stopped loving me, but why? What did I do wrong by loving him so much?
“Is it on? Hello? So dumb, it’s not a phone. Hello~~”
There was one last video left. It was uncle Donghae the one waving in the screen.
I looked at the date of the video, it was recorded roughly a year ago. I wiped my tears away and looked carefully, everything I had seen featured me and me mostly, but this couldn’t be. It had to be about Yunho.
He turned the camera and the image focused after a few seconds. There was a barbecue in the backyard with white chairs and balloons hanging here and there. A little party, but from the few people that were there, I didn’t recognize anyone. The house was definitely familiar.
“I’m the celebrated man’s best friend! Hello~~~ We are celebrating Yunho’s stamina today. Where is he now?...There he is! Shupeo-men! Shupeo-men!”
He finally zoomed in the man in front of the grill. I frowned. Is he talking about papa? That man isn’t him. That man’s back was tiny and wasn’t he bold? I couldn’t see much hair under that cap. But uncle Donghae continued calling his name, excited like he had seen an idol. When the stranger turned around, my heart froze.
“It has the soft taste for Kimchi stew doesn’t it?”
It couldn’t be him, but it was his voice, it was him. And he was smiling, his expression so lively whatsoever.
I was shaken out of words. I’ve never seen papa like that in my life, never, not in pictures, not even when he was in high school and was supposed to be small and flimsy, had he looked so fragile. He was incredibly thin.
“It’s really good, Yunho”
It was a woman who replied, but the camera barely showed the side of her face, she was young and had fair skin, but I couldn’t really see her well. Uncle Donghae was shifting in between Yunho and the ribs. He was pestering him on purpose.
“Do you know why?.... What are you doing?” He finally looked at the camera.
“I want to know why! Tell us why Yunho”
“It’s because I added Cheong Guk Jang. People who like soft and rich flavors add Cheong Guk Jang”
“Who taught you that, Jaejoongie?” The woman asked.
“Ye, he’s very good at this”
“And why isn’t Jaejoongie here?” Uncle Donghae asked.
Papa gave him a glare.
“Waee? Use this chance to apologize to your only son”
“He is not going to watch this”
“I’m sending him a copy”
Donghae threatened and I heard the woman’s laughter as papa exhaled and glared at uncle again. Who is that bitch? I yelled inwardly. My blood began to boil as I watched the recording. It might have seemed like a cute, harmless video in other circumstances, but not with the mountain-like amount of apprehension I packed with me after I talked to Seunghyun about Yunho.
Seeing this, I found the little spark of fire for my fears to explode. There is something terribly wrong with papa’s health. My handsome Yunho who is tall and athletic looked so gaunt and broken. Just by looking at him, my heart shattered and I had to cover my mouth not to cry, tears falling like a storm down my cheeks.
“Udon-head, I’m sorry you’re not here, but it’s nothing to worry about. Papa had surgery recently, but it went great. I’m fine now. Papa is strong like a bear. I look horrible because”
You look good. You look good.
The woman interrupted him in the background.
“…the surgery was in my belly. Then Donghae wanted an excuse to get drunk so he planned this party for me, but papa is fine”
“Now tell him you love him”
“Jaejoongie, saranghamnida” He made a cute heart shape with his bony hands.
“Now tell him you miss him and that you’ll see him soon”
“Yah Lee Donghae! You’re not sending him anything!”
Yunho attempted to reach the video camera and the image lost focus and shook terribly. Uncle was running away from him. I thought the recording had ended because for a long time the image was perfectly lime-green grass, but suddenly...
“Udon-head are you there? Udon-head hahaha. I can’t believe he still calls you like that”
I startled. Uncle combed his hair while he spook to the camera or better said, to me.
“Forgive him Jaejoongie, all right? Even Superman isn’t perfect. He is very sorry for not sharing things with his only son, but he did it for a good reason. Don’t worry, he is all right, he promised he’d get well for you and he did. He really did. I don’t know many people who say they will survive cancer, can do it. Your papa is very impressive. Superman! And uncle is Robyn! Hahaha I’ve been taking care of him for you. No worries, uncle is gentle, but I can’t cook so well. You’ve burdened me there Joongie-ah. He misses you. But he won’t go to see you, not yet. We know he’s dense. He wants to be handsome again. He says you wouldn’t recognize him if you saw him walking in the street, but I don’t know. Would you? He is still the same… a little bit different perhaps. Well… Wait… Where is the red dot?... Is it recording? It should be blinking… Why isn’t it blinking? It didn’t record anything?! Aish! Piece of shit, don’t tell me I broke it! ….Yunho-ya!”
I spotted my reflection on TV when the screened blackened. The only sound in the room was my cursing followed by my crying.
Cancer? He doesn’t have cancer. It can’t be cancer.
I didn’t notice when he arrived home. I was inside his closet, curled up with his shirts and ties, too scared to replay the video. Confirm that it made sense, that in those images, Yunho resembled a cancer patient, the ghost of the man I thought I’d see in my own deathbed, because it never crossed my mind that he could be gone one day, really be gone. And I wasn’t prepared to accept it or even imagine it, so I hid where I could be with him, his scent was all over his clothes.
“Sweetie, what are you doing here?” He rubbed my back.
“…Yunnie?” I had fallen asleep and for a moment when I had him in front of me, handsome and healthy, the thought that it all had been just a bad dream allowed me to breathe deep in relief. It didn’t last, I quickly noticed where I was and realized why I had crawled to this place to take shelter.
“Are you a magician? Appearing and disappearing like that. You can’t keep on scaring me like this, udon head”
…I can’t believe he still calls you like that… Forgive him Jaejoongie…. I don’t know many people who say they will survive cancer. … Even Superman isn’t perfect.
I held to him with all my might, knocking him off his heels and down on the hardwood floor. I was no longer livid, I only felt agony and I wanted him, impossibly close to me.
“What’s wrong? Hmm? I called grannie this afternoon. She said you were fine when you left the far-“
My mouth covered his, my tongue forcing entrance. I cupped his head while I demanded kisses through bites and licks. But he didn’t allow me, he pulled me away.
“Joongie-ah, talk to me”
I shook my head.
“Did you fight with-?”
I tried to kiss him once more, afraid of the tears that threatened to overpower me.
With a strength I wouldn’t recognize in myself, I lowered my body on him and I pressed my hands on his hips, I undid his trousers and his briefs sadistically while pressing down my weight on him. I held his member in my hands. I could feel his excitement come to life and I let out a throaty moan before I engulfed him with animalistic sucks. I heard him groan, but not wantonly.
“Jaejoong, stop”
Unless he kicked me away, I wouldn’t let him go. It wasn’t sweet love making, it was a desperate need I had for him grounded on fear, fear I could lose him any moment. He could be gone tomorrow for all I was certain, so I’d fill myself to the rim of my soul with him.
“No~ Let me” I cried out, he had other plans for me however. He put his arms under my armpits and manhandled me despite my struggle. He held me against his chest, cradling me in his lap, exactly as you’d do to a grouchy child.
“What’s gotten into this little head?” He asked me and I could feel a smile on his lips.
Was I amusing him? Well, I was feeling nearly everything but laughter. It pissed me off and my anger shaped my hand. I hit him where I could, his legs with my furious fist. I heard him moan and his hold around me loosened. But I was not retreating and I’d hit him again, in the face as well. I was still too livid and wrecked to accept less from him than what I needed. He didn’t fight me when I sat on his legs and positioned myself over him until I felt him inside me. My anger withstood the intrusion, but as I rocked my hips, the pain almost blinded me. I had rashly impaled myself in his engorged member again without lubrication; I thought I was going to die.
I sobbed out loud, baring the pain from my raw, burnt flesh and from my broken heart. And I cried like a child, lost and alone. Until he cuddled me, massaging the small of my back, so soothingly.
“Shhh. Shhh. It’s all right. I’m here”
But he’d leave me. And my question was, how much time did we have? How could I ever mend on the time I wasted?
“Breathe Jaejoong, breathe” He was right, I was chocking, crying inconsolably, pumping gushes of blood through my veins to then hammer viciously inside my head.
Miduhyo~
Chonnune banhandanun marur miduhyo
Gudaeyegen anirago marhaejiman
Narur gyongsorhage baraburggabwa
My heartbeat followed his soft melody, finally steadying. Exhaustion quickly took pity on me and washed away my pain as I succumbed to a profound sleep.
|PART B|
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
Pairings: YunJae
Length: 8a/8
Overall Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: Inspired by 'Papa to Kiss in the Dark'. Incest. Not inhibitions. Read at your own risk
Genre: AU, Romance, Fluff,
Summary: Everyone is blessed with one special thing. For Jung Jaejoong, it was his father and he needed no more. His father who was his world and he loved deeply, taut filial ties had no favoritism over right and wrong.
“Jaejoong? …Am I dreaming?” His eyes fluttered confusedly. His breath carried the strong, but sweet taste of the fermented liquor. I felt a pang in my chest. It was too familiar. How many nights I spent filling my cup as it was my devoid self? Are you hurting so bad, you need to numb the pain?
“No Yunnie, I’m here. I’m here to stay with you. I love you.” I told him while I kissed his forehead, believing my late words could be a bit of remedy to the time I wasted. He smiled at me, closing his eyes slowly.
“I am dreaming such a sweet dream. I’m so happy”
I let myself rest on his chest, but he dragged me closer and forcefully from the collar of my shirt. “Come here you. How am I supposed to taste you if you’re so far away?”
I felt his lips against mine, moistening mine so sensually. My eyes which had widened in shock, surrendered and closed. My pupils rolled to the back of my head as he stimulated me with a passionate tongue that traced the shape of my mouth, deliriously. He fed on me and I fed on the need he had for me. I knew what he so fervently wanted and the love and lust I had inside and exerted myself in overpowering, was released like an unchained wild beast.
I kissed him, filling my hands with his hair. The taste was a mixture of liquor and Yunho, the two drugs that nurtured my senses, my soul and my sex thorough my life.
I tilted my chin and opened my mouth, wider; to kiss more, bite more. I could feel my jaw tense as I battled his tongue, his zealous warrior to subdue the loneliness he bore these years we were apart. He bit my neck and licked the curve of my collarbone, making me squirm and whimper. I pushed my head back completely, letting him know he could do with me as he wished.
His hands crept under the rim of my sweater, leaving tingling little burns behind. But I didn’t want him to stroke so delicately, I wanted him to squeeze, bite and nibble my skin, bruised me, because I craved the collapse of my sanity by his touch. He hugged me more than he did anything else, more than he kissed me and more than he loved me. He could hold me, tight, for hours, it seemed and then maybe he’d remembered he was in the middle of undressing me. He treated me as if I was made of glass, even if he was so aroused himself. I could feel his manhood stirring, yelling my name, despite Yunho’s actions. It all made me feel woozy and horny.at the same time.
However, there was a limit of teasing my body could allow, especially after being deprived of him for so many years. And able to read my begging mewls and tremors, he grabbed the sides of my waist toughly and guided me to roll my hips against him, his steel hardness flattening the shape of my butt and meeting my own erection. A gruff moan escaped the tip of my tongue.
“Good boy” He whispered against my ear. He trailed wet, butterfly kisses to my neck and my nape. I winced when he took my dark, pointy numbs in his fingers and massaged them. Looking me, writhing to the rhythm of his rubs, he placed an open-mouthed kiss on each one of my nipples. Cold shivers rippled along my spine and rocked me harder below the small of my back. I disposed the last trail of reason in my head when he sucked my nipples, I couldn’t think, I only wanted to feel, feel him. So I pinned him against the side of the couch, pressing kisses on his chest all the way from his nipples to his arms and to his stomach. I bit and licked, fascinated by the way he reacted to me.
“Why are you so beautiful?” He growled, cupping my head with gentle hands. Nothing but lust and sex mirrored through his dark, sharp eyes and his delectable erection, which twitched under the fabric of his sweatpants, teased me into calling his name once more. I pressed my stomach against it, the painfully hard head of my own member rubbing madly against his leg.
Our lips collided into another kiss of lewd tongue and excessive saliva; savoring the honey his mouth provided me, I craved the one from his penis and I didn’t vacillate to hook my fingers in the waistband of his pants and pull them down. I had waited enough, there was no turning back and my own mouth watered in anticipation.
What greeted me when I freed him from his clothes, dumbfounded me; absurd, erotic as well as the cutest thing I had seen in my life, Yunho was wearing my fatuous Christmas present, the blue elephant crocheted thong.
Right away, it occurred to me that I might be the one dreaming. I might still be up in the sky, in my airplane sit, boldly enjoying another vulgar wet dream. Was I drooling? Was I moaning his name and rubbing myself against the passenger besides me?
I looked around and I turned on the nearest lamp to quickly check on my lucidity. As I had vanished from the room and he didn’t expect any different, Yunho curled himself in the sofa and called my name, his hand in between his legs.
I couldn’t resist him. Fuck it. Dream or not, the day when I gather enough willpower to fight the sight of Yunho moaning my name while he gratifies himself has yet to come. I smacked his hand and used mine instead. He looked at me and forced a laugh past his lips, hushed only by my hungry kiss.
His precum coated my frantic hand and he pulled away, took my hand in his. “Give me!” I complained, hitting his hand to release mine, I licked my fingers.
“Like a child fighting me over ice cream” He laughed and I laughed with him. I landed a soft kiss on his forehead, then on his eyelids. I love this man with everything I have.
My denims felt iron-made against my skin by now so I stripped him of the rest of his clothes. Very soon, we were both naked. The warmth of his body holding mine was what I remembered, addictive and homely. I felt sorry for myself all these years when I hoped I could find a substitute for it.
His thumb traced my lips and I welcomed it inside my mouth, sucked it slow, but keenly. He lift me up with ease, his hands pressing against the jutting bones of my hips. He positioned me over his length and impaled himself inside me.
I cried out and I fought him, kicking away, but he held me softly and nuzzled his chin against my bare chest.
“Shhh” He soothed me, pulling me into a tighter embrace. “Please don’t fight me”
I bit my lip and tried to find comfort in the firm grip his strong arms provided me. I dug my nails in his shoulders blades while I lost myself in tears. I sobbed against his ear, my entire body throbbing from the callous penetration. And then he thrust. My back bent as he plunged deep inside me.
“It hurts” I pushed the words against his neck, nibbling on his skin. “It has never hurt so much, papa”
He looked at me, but I saw daze in his eyes. He really thinks he’s dreaming. “Jaejoongie?” He wiped the icing water drops from my forehead.
Pabo. This is NOT a dream. I couldn’t help to smile thinking that he dreams about me and he does this to me. “Don’t stop. I’m fine. It’s all right. Move. Nnnng. Move. Fuck me Yunho. Fuck me”
His hips picked up a tantalizing rhythm, steered by his great appetite of me and echoed in the slaps of his heated body against mine. His groans, guttural and despairing, nurtured my urge and pushed me to my own fall. My body began to dance with his and I pushed my hips, meeting his thrusts, the pain finally surrendering to abrupt shocks of pleasure.
“Kiss me. Kiss me” I begged knowing I’d come faster than him. When I kiss him, he grants me power, I turn him into a puddle of goo.
Like lightening the huge orgasm hit me hard and rocked me in tragic tremors. I blacked out for a couple seconds after I climaxed, tortured in between the ache and the blissful stimulation. I wasn’t breathing, it don’t think so, my lungs wrinkled, but if I was going to die, it’d be laughing.
He let his body rest on top of mine, his warmth embracing mine while my channel milked the last drop inside of him. I combed the chunk of hair that filled my hands.
He looked up at me and placed a soft kiss on the tip of my nose. After each long kiss, he gives me a gentle one on the tip of my nose.
“I’m sorry, agi” He said. “But I miss you so much”
Silly, I’ll be here in the morning
With the glare of the moon upon our nudity, we cocooned each other to sleep. I heard his voice calling my name so sweetly; and I heard my little-self laugh and squeal. My childhood years kept on playing in the background.
Jaejoongie:
Papa had to go to work. I have a meeting today. Call me if you need anything. I’ll be back before dinner time and we will talk. I’m sorry, but the fridge is empty. I left you money on the counter.
Love,
PapaPS.: There are clothes in the dryer, please take them out.
PPS. You almost gave me a heart attack this morning!
I lay there, wrapped in the fresh, white sheets and reread the note he attached to my forehead. I wonder if Yunho lives in denial. He sounds so detached. No PPPS. Last night was amazing or PPPS. Thanks for that amazing helping of yourself last night that I was so horny hungry.
I smiled with his last lines though, I wished I could have seen his face when he saw there was a naked body entangled with his. I wonder how long it took him to realize it was me. Maybe he thought it was a woman he brought home and didn’t remember.
How often does he brings women here? Has he ever bring a man?
I wasn’t up for depression so early in the morning. Well, I thought it was early, but the clock in the kitchen corrected me, it was almost noon. I had slept over 10 hours, no wonder my stomach was roaring like a fierce lion. Yunho really worked me off last night.
Miduhyo. Chonnune banhandanun marur miduhyo.
I started singing. Before I let myself go in the depths of the sexy and concupiscent. Sudden flashbacks brought goosebumbs to my skin and obstinate tingle in my manhood I did not want to attend with an empty stomach.
I finally noticed the carton of strawberry milk and a banana in the coffee table and much to my imbecility, I leaped out to take it. My legs gave up before I had taken any impulse and I landed on my knees.
“AGHHHH!!!”
My back was killing me, there had to be a blade in my butt, piercing it in half.
He really let himself go last night, didn’t he?
Oh my gentle giant, despite his size he is a softie, but last night he was the horny, stupid giant! He didn’t put any lube on me while he stuck his proud, enormous love inside.
I don’t remember this amount of wreckage in my body before. The meaning of the phrase how adults do it, I thought I learned it very early in my life. Not because, back then, I was inexperienced and Yunho experienced, but because I knew kids were not supposed to feel what I did; kids don’t make love, they may have sex, but they don’t make love. That’s for adults, and for Yunho and me only. Now that I’m 23 years old and I’ve become an adult, I know that making love is not how adults do it. I haven’t made love with anyone but Yunho. Making love is how two people who only have eyes for each other express it.
That’s why I’m happy in spite of the sore butt. Even if I may be unable to walk and crawl like a little zombie sloth, we made love last night, so very wonderfully.
I decided on starvation with my milk and banana instead of excruciating pain. The counter with my lunch money seemed an ocean way.
“Jaejoongie, do you like your present?”
I remember that birthday. I was 13. I went through the home videos he was watching before. For my 13th birthday, Yunho got me a giant Hello Kitty plushie twice my size. I could sleep on that thing.
I hesitated to answer and he laughed. I loved my present, really, but my friends were looking at me and they were snickering. If only I had known they would tease me about it for years to come.
He’d always find something cute. I think I’d have stopped liking Hello Kitty by now if it didn’t remind me of him.
I continued to play our videos and found very compromising and very embarrassing images of myself. I can’t believe that I walked around the house only in my briefs all the time. It was fine when I was a kid, but thinking it through, I stopped stepping out of the bathroom naked until I was almost 17. Papa always said it was cute. Well, of course he’d say that, perverted old man.
“Papa! Say hello!”
“Baby what are you doing? Papa doesn’t want to be filmed”
“Papa you look hot with your tie undone. Say hello!”
“Aigoo, hello. This is Jung Yunho. Nice to meet you.”
“Papa does everything I told him to do…Oh, look at him. He’s angry now. Look how handsome he looks when he frowns. Told you he was handsome. You’re in love with him aren’t you?”
“Are you doing another reality?”
“This one is called: Dear Papa and it’s about how much I dislike you… I’m telling my viewers how annoying you are, how bad you snore at night and that your breath is stinky in the morning and that you’re the cheesiest man alive and you kick me in bed…”
My eyes stung, it seemed like yesterday when I filmed that. It was the happiest time of my life. You could see it in my eyes, you could also see how madly in love I was. There was this invincible grin on my face when he talked to me or when I called his name.
It was almost too embarrassing, but it was even more painful. By the end of that year, I was crying my eyes and my lungs and my love out, sitting on plane headed for Tokyo. He really torn my chubby, innocent heart into a thousand ribbons and he was aware of it. I sobbed in my palms. He stopped loving me, but why? What did I do wrong by loving him so much?
“Is it on? Hello? So dumb, it’s not a phone. Hello~~”
There was one last video left. It was uncle Donghae the one waving in the screen.
I looked at the date of the video, it was recorded roughly a year ago. I wiped my tears away and looked carefully, everything I had seen featured me and me mostly, but this couldn’t be. It had to be about Yunho.
He turned the camera and the image focused after a few seconds. There was a barbecue in the backyard with white chairs and balloons hanging here and there. A little party, but from the few people that were there, I didn’t recognize anyone. The house was definitely familiar.
“I’m the celebrated man’s best friend! Hello~~~ We are celebrating Yunho’s stamina today. Where is he now?...There he is! Shupeo-men! Shupeo-men!”
He finally zoomed in the man in front of the grill. I frowned. Is he talking about papa? That man isn’t him. That man’s back was tiny and wasn’t he bold? I couldn’t see much hair under that cap. But uncle Donghae continued calling his name, excited like he had seen an idol. When the stranger turned around, my heart froze.
“It has the soft taste for Kimchi stew doesn’t it?”
It couldn’t be him, but it was his voice, it was him. And he was smiling, his expression so lively whatsoever.
I was shaken out of words. I’ve never seen papa like that in my life, never, not in pictures, not even when he was in high school and was supposed to be small and flimsy, had he looked so fragile. He was incredibly thin.
“It’s really good, Yunho”
It was a woman who replied, but the camera barely showed the side of her face, she was young and had fair skin, but I couldn’t really see her well. Uncle Donghae was shifting in between Yunho and the ribs. He was pestering him on purpose.
“Do you know why?.... What are you doing?” He finally looked at the camera.
“I want to know why! Tell us why Yunho”
“It’s because I added Cheong Guk Jang. People who like soft and rich flavors add Cheong Guk Jang”
“Who taught you that, Jaejoongie?” The woman asked.
“Ye, he’s very good at this”
“And why isn’t Jaejoongie here?” Uncle Donghae asked.
Papa gave him a glare.
“Waee? Use this chance to apologize to your only son”
“He is not going to watch this”
“I’m sending him a copy”
Donghae threatened and I heard the woman’s laughter as papa exhaled and glared at uncle again. Who is that bitch? I yelled inwardly. My blood began to boil as I watched the recording. It might have seemed like a cute, harmless video in other circumstances, but not with the mountain-like amount of apprehension I packed with me after I talked to Seunghyun about Yunho.
Seeing this, I found the little spark of fire for my fears to explode. There is something terribly wrong with papa’s health. My handsome Yunho who is tall and athletic looked so gaunt and broken. Just by looking at him, my heart shattered and I had to cover my mouth not to cry, tears falling like a storm down my cheeks.
“Udon-head, I’m sorry you’re not here, but it’s nothing to worry about. Papa had surgery recently, but it went great. I’m fine now. Papa is strong like a bear. I look horrible because”
You look good. You look good.
The woman interrupted him in the background.
“…the surgery was in my belly. Then Donghae wanted an excuse to get drunk so he planned this party for me, but papa is fine”
“Now tell him you love him”
“Jaejoongie, saranghamnida” He made a cute heart shape with his bony hands.
“Now tell him you miss him and that you’ll see him soon”
“Yah Lee Donghae! You’re not sending him anything!”
Yunho attempted to reach the video camera and the image lost focus and shook terribly. Uncle was running away from him. I thought the recording had ended because for a long time the image was perfectly lime-green grass, but suddenly...
“Udon-head are you there? Udon-head hahaha. I can’t believe he still calls you like that”
I startled. Uncle combed his hair while he spook to the camera or better said, to me.
“Forgive him Jaejoongie, all right? Even Superman isn’t perfect. He is very sorry for not sharing things with his only son, but he did it for a good reason. Don’t worry, he is all right, he promised he’d get well for you and he did. He really did. I don’t know many people who say they will survive cancer, can do it. Your papa is very impressive. Superman! And uncle is Robyn! Hahaha I’ve been taking care of him for you. No worries, uncle is gentle, but I can’t cook so well. You’ve burdened me there Joongie-ah. He misses you. But he won’t go to see you, not yet. We know he’s dense. He wants to be handsome again. He says you wouldn’t recognize him if you saw him walking in the street, but I don’t know. Would you? He is still the same… a little bit different perhaps. Well… Wait… Where is the red dot?... Is it recording? It should be blinking… Why isn’t it blinking? It didn’t record anything?! Aish! Piece of shit, don’t tell me I broke it! ….Yunho-ya!”
I spotted my reflection on TV when the screened blackened. The only sound in the room was my cursing followed by my crying.
Cancer? He doesn’t have cancer. It can’t be cancer.
I didn’t notice when he arrived home. I was inside his closet, curled up with his shirts and ties, too scared to replay the video. Confirm that it made sense, that in those images, Yunho resembled a cancer patient, the ghost of the man I thought I’d see in my own deathbed, because it never crossed my mind that he could be gone one day, really be gone. And I wasn’t prepared to accept it or even imagine it, so I hid where I could be with him, his scent was all over his clothes.
“Sweetie, what are you doing here?” He rubbed my back.
“…Yunnie?” I had fallen asleep and for a moment when I had him in front of me, handsome and healthy, the thought that it all had been just a bad dream allowed me to breathe deep in relief. It didn’t last, I quickly noticed where I was and realized why I had crawled to this place to take shelter.
“Are you a magician? Appearing and disappearing like that. You can’t keep on scaring me like this, udon head”
…I can’t believe he still calls you like that… Forgive him Jaejoongie…. I don’t know many people who say they will survive cancer. … Even Superman isn’t perfect.
I held to him with all my might, knocking him off his heels and down on the hardwood floor. I was no longer livid, I only felt agony and I wanted him, impossibly close to me.
“What’s wrong? Hmm? I called grannie this afternoon. She said you were fine when you left the far-“
My mouth covered his, my tongue forcing entrance. I cupped his head while I demanded kisses through bites and licks. But he didn’t allow me, he pulled me away.
“Joongie-ah, talk to me”
I shook my head.
“Did you fight with-?”
I tried to kiss him once more, afraid of the tears that threatened to overpower me.
With a strength I wouldn’t recognize in myself, I lowered my body on him and I pressed my hands on his hips, I undid his trousers and his briefs sadistically while pressing down my weight on him. I held his member in my hands. I could feel his excitement come to life and I let out a throaty moan before I engulfed him with animalistic sucks. I heard him groan, but not wantonly.
“Jaejoong, stop”
Unless he kicked me away, I wouldn’t let him go. It wasn’t sweet love making, it was a desperate need I had for him grounded on fear, fear I could lose him any moment. He could be gone tomorrow for all I was certain, so I’d fill myself to the rim of my soul with him.
“No~ Let me” I cried out, he had other plans for me however. He put his arms under my armpits and manhandled me despite my struggle. He held me against his chest, cradling me in his lap, exactly as you’d do to a grouchy child.
“What’s gotten into this little head?” He asked me and I could feel a smile on his lips.
Was I amusing him? Well, I was feeling nearly everything but laughter. It pissed me off and my anger shaped my hand. I hit him where I could, his legs with my furious fist. I heard him moan and his hold around me loosened. But I was not retreating and I’d hit him again, in the face as well. I was still too livid and wrecked to accept less from him than what I needed. He didn’t fight me when I sat on his legs and positioned myself over him until I felt him inside me. My anger withstood the intrusion, but as I rocked my hips, the pain almost blinded me. I had rashly impaled myself in his engorged member again without lubrication; I thought I was going to die.
I sobbed out loud, baring the pain from my raw, burnt flesh and from my broken heart. And I cried like a child, lost and alone. Until he cuddled me, massaging the small of my back, so soothingly.
“Shhh. Shhh. It’s all right. I’m here”
But he’d leave me. And my question was, how much time did we have? How could I ever mend on the time I wasted?
“Breathe Jaejoong, breathe” He was right, I was chocking, crying inconsolably, pumping gushes of blood through my veins to then hammer viciously inside my head.
Miduhyo~
Chonnune banhandanun marur miduhyo
Gudaeyegen anirago marhaejiman
Narur gyongsorhage baraburggabwa
My heartbeat followed his soft melody, finally steadying. Exhaustion quickly took pity on me and washed away my pain as I succumbed to a profound sleep.
|PART B|
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