[Fanfic] 鎖 (Chains)
Title: 鎖
Author: yutorinislove (Hikari)
Pairing: TakaNoo
Genre: Angst, Romance
Rating: PG-13
Summary: There will always be something that you have to give up in order to achieve something. But that doesn’t mean that the something you gave up is something you don’t need. Sometimes, that very thing you gave up is the only thing that you need in order to grow.
Author’s Note: TakaNoo needs more love~ And oh, am I the only one that noticed that Kei and Yuya aren’t close despite the fact that they came from the same Junior group? That mere fact puzzles me even up to this day.
“Otsukaresama deshita!”
Amidst the cheers of a job well done, Inoo Kei sits quietly on the edge of the sofa, a reluctant smile playing at the edge of his lips. It is certainly an honor to have finished a promotional video shoot in less than twelve hours. Once before, JUMP had to go over a routine for days at a time, now, they only took hours. It is truly a sign that they are growing up - maturing.
That was a good thing, Kei decides as he follows his group mates to the changing area, listening to Daiki and Yamada bicker again about who was taller between them, with Yuto looking at them with a rather amused grin. Hikaru is at the head of the line, stretching while talking animatedly to Yabu about lunch or something. Keito is busy giving in to Chinen’s constant demands for attention - always and forever JUMP’s princess. JUMP is, as always, the same cluster of goofballs that they were six years ago when they debuted, but there will always be the underlying sense that they have matured - are maturing, physically and emotionally.
Changing. In every aspect.
--
They enter the changing room, to Hikaru’s and Chinen’s fight for the sofa - “You got the sofa last time, you brat!” “But I need to sleep lying down! I can’t sleep sitting up like you guys!” - and Yabu’s peacemaking way of negotiation - “You both could snuggle up to each other if lying down to sleep is what you guys really want” - before they find places for themselves to settle in for a quick nap before the jacket shooting. The room erupts in murmurs that gradually fades as each member is claimed by sleep.
Kei finds a quiet corner. He has gotten used to sleeping sitting up. Six years of sharing the same dressing room with nine - now eight - other boys does that to you.
His eyelids slowly flutter shut, until they stop midway, Kei’s attention taken by the guy who walks in the dressing room and takes a chair at the other end of the room. His half-closed eyes followed this tanned boy as he takes his seat, fidgets a bit until he gets a comfortable position, and slowly, slowly falls asleep, his chest rising and falling steadily.
Kei’s eyes closes. Nothing was sweeter to him than watching Takaki Yuya fall asleep like he did years ago, curled up with the older boy in the same corner of the room, arms around each other, Yuya’s face buried at the crook of his neck. But JUMP has changed - is changing - and they have changed along with the rest of the group, and Yuya doesn’t fall asleep in his arms anymore. Those times are gone. He chose another, and now, he has to content himself with watching Yuya sleep from afar.
--
Yuya dreams of the times that has gone. He dreams of pale skin and gentle kisses pressed to his jaw, of arms that are shy at first, but gradually tighten around his body. He dreams of the recklessness and irresponsibility that was their teenage years, dreams about everything good that has happened.
He dreams of the past that had been so wonderful. He dreams of how it was so right, and wakes up (not abruptly unlike the first time he woke up from these dreams of regret) wondering where they had gone wrong.
He opens his eyes gently and fixes them on the sleeping young man curled up at the far corner of the room. And there he is - Inoo Kei, his junior days leader, his lover for years, before everything crumbled away.
Takaki Yuya resists the urge to go over and take the younger boy into his arms and snuggle into that pale skin. He knows he shouldn’t. He reaches for the back pocket of his jeans and pulls out a cigarette before exiting the room, walking away from the sight of that one person who has been the only one Yuya has ever wanted.
--
“Cigarette break, again?”
Takaki Yuya almost jumps out of his skin when he hears that same lazy voice that has whispered sleepy good mornings to his ears years before. But he doesn’t scramble to go away or stub his cigarette on the ground. He is more mature now. He turns around slowly to face the younger boy. “Yeah. Stress relief, you know.”
“Mm-hmm,” Kei nods.
“It was a nice shoot, huh?”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“How are you and Yabu-kun?”
“…we’re fine, I guess. Never been better,” Kei answers. He looks up at Yuya. “How about Dai-chan and you?”
“We never really defined it. I think he doesn’t want to define it - be constricted with propriety or something like that. I kind of get him, you know. He’s still on that searching phase, and I respect that.”
A breathy chuckle. “Considering how dense Dai-chan is sometimes, I wonder if he will ever see that you’re waiting for him.”
“It worked for you, didn’t it?” An answering chuckle. “But yes. If it’s Dai-chan I think I’m ready to wait.”
Times like these, Yuya is often left to wonder if he is really ready to wait for Daiki, or if he is just waiting for Yabu to drop Kei so he could help the younger boy back up. Yuya feels guilty for wishing that Yabu would do that to Kei, especially since they seem so happy right now, but Yuya couldn’t help himself. It is selfish, and he knows it, but it is hard to stop.
“Where did we go wrong, though?” Yuya finds himself asking before sticking his cigarette back into his mouth. He sucks in addictive nicotine and blows out fumes. Kei wrinkles his nose but doesn’t say a word. He has changed, like Yuya did, like JUMP did.
Kei shrugs. “I guess we got used to each other.”
“I loved you a lot, though.” he follows up after a few seconds.
A smirk. “Good to know.”
“How about you?” the younger one asks as he looks deep into the older’s eyes. They are dark, like they have always been. Dark and threatening but are also deep and loving. “How did you feel about me?”
“If I’m going to be honest, Kei,” he answers, no hesitation or tremble in his voice, unlike the Yuya he once knew - shy and uncertain, but always willing to try new things, “I loved you. I still do, so much.”
Kei looks deep into Yuya’s eyes. He was telling the truth. It took years for Yuya to learn how to lie, and never repeated that incident since the first time. Yuya never knew how to lie effectively to Kei, and to see that it hasn’t changed, made Kei happy, sort of. It made a pool of warmth bubble in his chest to know that there was still a part of that old Yuyan that stayed; that his Yuyan was still there underneath all the cool-stupid aura he always exudes.
He holds his hands out and Yuya looks at it curiousity, until he realizes what Kei is asking for. With nary a disapproving twitch on his forehead, he hands Kei the half-burnt stick of cigarette he was nursing, and watches the pale guy put the stick in between those plump lips; watches Kei take a drag and blow the smoke through his teeth.
“We’re two bastards, aren’t we?’ Kei states, not asks, because he knows they were.
“We are,” Yuya agrees as he pushes himself from where he has pressed himself against the wall, eyes trained on the flickering light at the tip of the cancer stick in between Kei’s fingers. “That never changed. We hurt each other and we could hurt other people.” He smirks at the younger boy whose wide eyes - not innocent, no, hasn’t been since they were fifteen - are fixed on him. “I taught you how to smoke and drink and you taught me how to lie. What a couple of bastards we really are.”
“A couple of bastards who loved each other,” Kei says under his breath, turning the burning stick in between his fingers.
“You loved me.” Yuya clarifies, looking out at the glittering city of Tokyo. “I love you. That’s a whole world of difference. At least, if you were telling me the truth, which I know you’re hardly capable of.”
Kei shrugs again, finishing up the stick and stubbing it underfoot as he blows smoke to the winds. He moves closer to Yuya against the railing, one arm splayed gently around Yuya’s middle. “There are parts of me only you know.”
Yuya looks down at the boy beside him, feels the warmth of the younger boy’s arm through the shirt he was wearing. “Good to know.”
Kei looks up and smiles back, and Yuya leans down to mold his lips with the other one’s, feeling those lips open up to him, feels those arms wrap around him tighter. It has been six years since but kissing Kei feels like the first time, only now they know how to please each other, unlike the first times that they were fumbling about, very much like the two teenagers they were.
Kei slides his gaze towards the doors of the fire exit before closing his eyes, concluding that no one would ever see them there. He loses himself in the kiss the moment he feels that Yuya was losing himself, too.
---///---///---
Kei finds himself snuggled in Yabu Kota’s arms on the ride back home. Dazed and fuzzy, Kei could not even begin to explain why he was so tired when he sees the questioning look in Yabu’s eyes. But if there was anything that was so distinctly Yabu, it was that he respected that there were things that people wanted to keep to themselves. He could always ask Kei later.
Which also meant that he still had the time to think of a believable lie to appease his boyfriend, Kei thinks, yawning and burying his head onto the crook of Yabu’s neck, feeling guilty for a moment.
This will be the last time that I’m going to cheat on Yabucchi, he thinks, feeling resolve build in his body. hoping that this time would be the last time that he is going to lie to himself.
Because when he slightly opens his eyes and stares at the tanned boy sitting at the other end of the passenger seat, lap cradling the head of Arioka Daiki, eyes trained on the scenery outside the car window, he knows that it would take all of him - all of him - to forget that he once loved Yuya and he will always love Yuya, no matter how many lies it took to convince everyone otherwise.
No matter how many lies he made about it -- because he is such a wonderful liar -- these feelings for Takaki Yuya would be the chains that he will never, but ever, be able to loose himself from.
This is the product of too many tutt-frutti wafer sticks and sleepless nights and the rejection THAT I WILL NOT HAVE A PLACE TO STAY IN NEXT SEMESTER BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN KICKED OUT OF THE DORMS. ;n;
Anyway. TakaNoo is love. As is with YutoYama~ <3
Author: yutorinislove (Hikari)
Pairing: TakaNoo
Genre: Angst, Romance
Rating: PG-13
Summary: There will always be something that you have to give up in order to achieve something. But that doesn’t mean that the something you gave up is something you don’t need. Sometimes, that very thing you gave up is the only thing that you need in order to grow.
Author’s Note: TakaNoo needs more love~ And oh, am I the only one that noticed that Kei and Yuya aren’t close despite the fact that they came from the same Junior group? That mere fact puzzles me even up to this day.
“Otsukaresama deshita!”
Amidst the cheers of a job well done, Inoo Kei sits quietly on the edge of the sofa, a reluctant smile playing at the edge of his lips. It is certainly an honor to have finished a promotional video shoot in less than twelve hours. Once before, JUMP had to go over a routine for days at a time, now, they only took hours. It is truly a sign that they are growing up - maturing.
That was a good thing, Kei decides as he follows his group mates to the changing area, listening to Daiki and Yamada bicker again about who was taller between them, with Yuto looking at them with a rather amused grin. Hikaru is at the head of the line, stretching while talking animatedly to Yabu about lunch or something. Keito is busy giving in to Chinen’s constant demands for attention - always and forever JUMP’s princess. JUMP is, as always, the same cluster of goofballs that they were six years ago when they debuted, but there will always be the underlying sense that they have matured - are maturing, physically and emotionally.
Changing. In every aspect.
--
They enter the changing room, to Hikaru’s and Chinen’s fight for the sofa - “You got the sofa last time, you brat!” “But I need to sleep lying down! I can’t sleep sitting up like you guys!” - and Yabu’s peacemaking way of negotiation - “You both could snuggle up to each other if lying down to sleep is what you guys really want” - before they find places for themselves to settle in for a quick nap before the jacket shooting. The room erupts in murmurs that gradually fades as each member is claimed by sleep.
Kei finds a quiet corner. He has gotten used to sleeping sitting up. Six years of sharing the same dressing room with nine - now eight - other boys does that to you.
His eyelids slowly flutter shut, until they stop midway, Kei’s attention taken by the guy who walks in the dressing room and takes a chair at the other end of the room. His half-closed eyes followed this tanned boy as he takes his seat, fidgets a bit until he gets a comfortable position, and slowly, slowly falls asleep, his chest rising and falling steadily.
Kei’s eyes closes. Nothing was sweeter to him than watching Takaki Yuya fall asleep like he did years ago, curled up with the older boy in the same corner of the room, arms around each other, Yuya’s face buried at the crook of his neck. But JUMP has changed - is changing - and they have changed along with the rest of the group, and Yuya doesn’t fall asleep in his arms anymore. Those times are gone. He chose another, and now, he has to content himself with watching Yuya sleep from afar.
--
Yuya dreams of the times that has gone. He dreams of pale skin and gentle kisses pressed to his jaw, of arms that are shy at first, but gradually tighten around his body. He dreams of the recklessness and irresponsibility that was their teenage years, dreams about everything good that has happened.
He dreams of the past that had been so wonderful. He dreams of how it was so right, and wakes up (not abruptly unlike the first time he woke up from these dreams of regret) wondering where they had gone wrong.
He opens his eyes gently and fixes them on the sleeping young man curled up at the far corner of the room. And there he is - Inoo Kei, his junior days leader, his lover for years, before everything crumbled away.
Takaki Yuya resists the urge to go over and take the younger boy into his arms and snuggle into that pale skin. He knows he shouldn’t. He reaches for the back pocket of his jeans and pulls out a cigarette before exiting the room, walking away from the sight of that one person who has been the only one Yuya has ever wanted.
--
“Cigarette break, again?”
Takaki Yuya almost jumps out of his skin when he hears that same lazy voice that has whispered sleepy good mornings to his ears years before. But he doesn’t scramble to go away or stub his cigarette on the ground. He is more mature now. He turns around slowly to face the younger boy. “Yeah. Stress relief, you know.”
“Mm-hmm,” Kei nods.
“It was a nice shoot, huh?”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“How are you and Yabu-kun?”
“…we’re fine, I guess. Never been better,” Kei answers. He looks up at Yuya. “How about Dai-chan and you?”
“We never really defined it. I think he doesn’t want to define it - be constricted with propriety or something like that. I kind of get him, you know. He’s still on that searching phase, and I respect that.”
A breathy chuckle. “Considering how dense Dai-chan is sometimes, I wonder if he will ever see that you’re waiting for him.”
“It worked for you, didn’t it?” An answering chuckle. “But yes. If it’s Dai-chan I think I’m ready to wait.”
Times like these, Yuya is often left to wonder if he is really ready to wait for Daiki, or if he is just waiting for Yabu to drop Kei so he could help the younger boy back up. Yuya feels guilty for wishing that Yabu would do that to Kei, especially since they seem so happy right now, but Yuya couldn’t help himself. It is selfish, and he knows it, but it is hard to stop.
“Where did we go wrong, though?” Yuya finds himself asking before sticking his cigarette back into his mouth. He sucks in addictive nicotine and blows out fumes. Kei wrinkles his nose but doesn’t say a word. He has changed, like Yuya did, like JUMP did.
Kei shrugs. “I guess we got used to each other.”
“I loved you a lot, though.” he follows up after a few seconds.
A smirk. “Good to know.”
“How about you?” the younger one asks as he looks deep into the older’s eyes. They are dark, like they have always been. Dark and threatening but are also deep and loving. “How did you feel about me?”
“If I’m going to be honest, Kei,” he answers, no hesitation or tremble in his voice, unlike the Yuya he once knew - shy and uncertain, but always willing to try new things, “I loved you. I still do, so much.”
Kei looks deep into Yuya’s eyes. He was telling the truth. It took years for Yuya to learn how to lie, and never repeated that incident since the first time. Yuya never knew how to lie effectively to Kei, and to see that it hasn’t changed, made Kei happy, sort of. It made a pool of warmth bubble in his chest to know that there was still a part of that old Yuyan that stayed; that his Yuyan was still there underneath all the cool-stupid aura he always exudes.
He holds his hands out and Yuya looks at it curiousity, until he realizes what Kei is asking for. With nary a disapproving twitch on his forehead, he hands Kei the half-burnt stick of cigarette he was nursing, and watches the pale guy put the stick in between those plump lips; watches Kei take a drag and blow the smoke through his teeth.
“We’re two bastards, aren’t we?’ Kei states, not asks, because he knows they were.
“We are,” Yuya agrees as he pushes himself from where he has pressed himself against the wall, eyes trained on the flickering light at the tip of the cancer stick in between Kei’s fingers. “That never changed. We hurt each other and we could hurt other people.” He smirks at the younger boy whose wide eyes - not innocent, no, hasn’t been since they were fifteen - are fixed on him. “I taught you how to smoke and drink and you taught me how to lie. What a couple of bastards we really are.”
“A couple of bastards who loved each other,” Kei says under his breath, turning the burning stick in between his fingers.
“You loved me.” Yuya clarifies, looking out at the glittering city of Tokyo. “I love you. That’s a whole world of difference. At least, if you were telling me the truth, which I know you’re hardly capable of.”
Kei shrugs again, finishing up the stick and stubbing it underfoot as he blows smoke to the winds. He moves closer to Yuya against the railing, one arm splayed gently around Yuya’s middle. “There are parts of me only you know.”
Yuya looks down at the boy beside him, feels the warmth of the younger boy’s arm through the shirt he was wearing. “Good to know.”
Kei looks up and smiles back, and Yuya leans down to mold his lips with the other one’s, feeling those lips open up to him, feels those arms wrap around him tighter. It has been six years since but kissing Kei feels like the first time, only now they know how to please each other, unlike the first times that they were fumbling about, very much like the two teenagers they were.
Kei slides his gaze towards the doors of the fire exit before closing his eyes, concluding that no one would ever see them there. He loses himself in the kiss the moment he feels that Yuya was losing himself, too.
---///---///---
Kei finds himself snuggled in Yabu Kota’s arms on the ride back home. Dazed and fuzzy, Kei could not even begin to explain why he was so tired when he sees the questioning look in Yabu’s eyes. But if there was anything that was so distinctly Yabu, it was that he respected that there were things that people wanted to keep to themselves. He could always ask Kei later.
Which also meant that he still had the time to think of a believable lie to appease his boyfriend, Kei thinks, yawning and burying his head onto the crook of Yabu’s neck, feeling guilty for a moment.
This will be the last time that I’m going to cheat on Yabucchi, he thinks, feeling resolve build in his body. hoping that this time would be the last time that he is going to lie to himself.
Because when he slightly opens his eyes and stares at the tanned boy sitting at the other end of the passenger seat, lap cradling the head of Arioka Daiki, eyes trained on the scenery outside the car window, he knows that it would take all of him - all of him - to forget that he once loved Yuya and he will always love Yuya, no matter how many lies it took to convince everyone otherwise.
No matter how many lies he made about it -- because he is such a wonderful liar -- these feelings for Takaki Yuya would be the chains that he will never, but ever, be able to loose himself from.
This is the product of too many tutt-frutti wafer sticks and sleepless nights and the rejection THAT I WILL NOT HAVE A PLACE TO STAY IN NEXT SEMESTER BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN KICKED OUT OF THE DORMS. ;n;
Anyway. TakaNoo is love. As is with YutoYama~ <3